Secular Confessions

[daylilies]

LOL Erin, I have heard that a lot that if one child is wild, the other one is not. You were lucky to have the wild child first!
I emailed the music class teacher right after we came home last week. I said we wouldn't be coming back and asked for a refund, if possible. She hasn't replied, but I think I'm going to go early tomorrow and just talk to her.

[Bridget]

Chrissy, your dad sounds like my dad. My dad hardly lets anything get to him. He passed that quality down to me and I'm glad to have it. The way my life goes, if I to upset about every little thing I'd be a mess.

I think I will just call that mom and ask if I can bring Kai. Of course Savana and Kai will eventually have separate lives and friends but for now we are pretty secluded in our family life so I'll do whatever it takes to protect their feelings in relation to their friendship with each other. I think it's pretty special. Last night Kai told me out of nowhere that he loves the Savana the best.

Today Sawyer smiled at me. Three times. A real life smile with a little squeal.
I sobbed because it made me miss my mom. It was a good cry and it made me feel better. Sometimes I think I push aside how much I really miss her but it's always there.

[daylilies]

Aw Bridget Yay for Sawyer smiling, that's so sweet.

[missychrissy]

That's how things happened with us...we were a family unit. Time, circumstances, and maturity helped the girls lead somewhat separate lives, but I didn't do it.

about Sawyer smiling, and for missing Mom.

Speaking of kids behaving in public, today there was a dad with 3 kids on our bus. I'm not sure why, but the older two were directly behind the bus driver and he was sitting near the back with a very young boy. They were all good, in fact I didn't realize he had a toddler with him till I saw a little hand sneak out to reach for the cord that signals the bus to stop. Dad bent over and spoke to his babe so softly I couldn't hear what he said, but the little hand snatched back from the window. I was sitting directly behind them and marveled at how well the little one did. He just sat that and aside from the one attempt at the cord, he was perfect!

I also loved how dad spoke softly to him. I'm afraid when I tell my kids no, everyone around me can hear it clearly

[missychrissy]

Chrissy, your dad sounds like my dad. My dad hardly lets anything get to him. He passed that quality down to me and I'm glad to have it. The way my life goes, if I to upset about every little thing I'd be a mess.

I'm normally hot headed...I really have to self-talk and deep breath to calm down. But I do hear his voice all the time telling me those things.

I remember when his father died and my dad cried and said, "I still had to learn patience from him." I was both heartbroken and shocked. I hated to see my dad in pain, and I couldn't believe he thought he needed to learn more patience. I still don't see where he thought that about himself.

[demigraf]

I wish I had a thick skin! Stuff always gets to me! I even googled "how to become more zen" a couple days ago Because I'm just sick of being so touchy about everything but it seems like I don't know how to control my frustration.

kate, I've mentioned this book before, but I really liked Buddhism for Mothers by Sarah Napthali. It really helps frame my thoughts in a way that keeps me coping. I don't know if I liked it because I already had very strong Buddhist leanings, or if it was because the book acknowledged all the mom-related feelings and thoughts I was having that I was ashamed to admit, and packaged them all as "perfectly normal and here's how to look at them so you and your loved ones don't suffer as a result".

chrissy, I keep thinking about you and Jesi. Like the others have pointed out, she has a lot of very grown-up things to deal with, and she's still using her teenage brain to cope with them. It must be a very confusing time for her, and a really heartbreaking time for you. Maybe she could use a change of scenery (new place, new hobby, new book, new challenge) of some sort to help her process it all. Something you could introduce in a casual, smooth "I am so not trying to push this on you because I'm your mom and worried about you" type of way.

Ashley, I'm sorry that you're having arthritis issues at your young age. Do you know if it's reversible at this point?

I confess I noticed some people are calling AmeriBrit "Myles", so I just wanted to clarify that I am Myles. I feel sort of stupid for pointing that out, but I also feel bad if people are directing their sympathies at me when they belong to her. Ash, I hereby bounce all the concern and kind thoughts that were misaddressed to me over to you.

stash, that's very cool that Oscar is reading by himself. Teachers in general just don't get enough credit. I feel like I don't really understand a concept until I can explain it to a 5 year old. And when I think about things like phonics and arithmetic in terms of how I'd explain them to a young Bodhi, I get really overwhelmed. So that's awesome you're really doing it for him. Are you using any online resources to guide you at home?



bridget, the savana pic is stunning. I would do what kate & erin suggest and just casually mention that you'll need to bring kai with you. see what she says. I hope (and bet) she'll not even blink at it.

[demigraf]

I sobbed because it made me miss my mom. It was a good cry and it made me feel better. Sometimes I think I push aside how much I really miss her but it's always there.

[daylilies]

I think I'm the one who was calling her Myles...I get the two of you confused for some reason. You're the only two whose real names I can't remember. So she's Myles and you're Ash...okay I will try to remember that.
I will check out that book, too. Thanks!

[missychrissy]

I might have too. Sometimes I read a bunch of posts and see a few usernames together and get them confused by the time I respond.

I was talking to a good friend last night and she asked me if I'd go back and relive my teen years. I said no and we talked about how difficult our teen years were and why. There's so much outside pressure at that age, and while having 'good' parents can certainly help, it doesn't guarantee any teen will be able to cope with all the temptations and challenges they're faced with.

She made me feel a lot better about Jesi coming to me and hopeful for her because she did. At least she's figured out at 16 that this isn't the life she wants to have. She believes in the adults that tell her she has a lot of potential, and she wants those things for herself. Having goals is really important.

[AmeriBrit]

Myles, I noticed the name confusion but thought it was ok being confused for such a cool person! I'm just waiting for blood test results to confirm the arthritis and will get treatment from that point hopefully!

[stash]

Did I screw up the names? Gah. I do know who's who, I swear.

We use starfall.com and pbs kids with Oscar, but that's mostly entertainment. I feel like I should probably start following a curriculum this year, but that's more for me than for him.

[daylilies]

Josh has liked starfall for a long time. He was looking at it just today!

[stash]

BTW, I am feeling like world's ****tiest mama today. Oscar woke Gus three times from naps today by being crazy loud, and I was cross about it. Then, he went nutso when I needed to put his eyedrops in (pinkeye). I got cross again. Wasn't his fault, he's a kid, and eyedrops suck.

He said to me after "why are you angry, mama?" And I felt like the crappiest mom. Honestly, I was angry because I'm tired and impatient. So I told him that, and apologized for being sucky.

God, I need a good nights sleep.

[Gwenn]

That's funny, Starfall is one of the sites they have bookmarked for the kids to use at school during their computer time. It's a good site, I guess - I don't do computer time with the kids.

everyone. Seems like I haven't posted in here much. I've missed you all! My brother and nephew are in town for a visit so I have to get going.

[Gwenn]

Honestly, I was angry because I'm tired and impatient. So I told him that, and apologized for being sucky.

God, I need a good nights sleep.

That's proof right there that you're a great mom. Get some rest and I hope you feel better and your patience comes back.

[daylilies]

Hugs Stacy!
Hi Gwenn!

[Bridget]

BTW, I am feeling like world's ****tiest mama today. Oscar woke Gus three times from naps today by being crazy loud, and I was cross about it. Then, he went nutso when I needed to put his eyedrops in (pinkeye). I got cross again. Wasn't his fault, he's a kid, and eyedrops suck.

He said to me after "why are you angry, mama?" And I felt like the crappiest mom. Honestly, I was angry because I'm tired and impatient. So I told him that, and apologized for being sucky.

God, I need a good nights sleep.

i am right there with you.

[girlwonder]

I just put that book on hold at my library, Myles. Need to read it. Have terrible time with not being happy in the "now", but always feeling like I need to be doing something, catching up, cleaning, etc., basically anything but sitting down with JoJo and playing a game. I annoy myself with this.

I am feeling really down on myself right now because I am overweight and I have been running and kickboxing and exercising like a madwoman for two weeks with zero weight loss. I just can't stop eating sugar and it is sabotaging any weight loss I might otherwise achieve. Anyone have any advice on how to quit the sugar cravings? It is ridiculous. I think I am self-medicating with it (used to be nicotine and caffeine, but now my only vice is sugar). I guess I have to go cold turkey, but that makes me so sad. I love candy so much. Anyway, we are going to Playa del Carmen soon and that last thing on earth I want to do is be seen in a bathing suit.

I'm sorry about your arthritis/tendinitis issue, Ashley.

I'm sorry about your job not seeing your worth, Ashley.

I'm glad you are feeling good about things Bridget.

Way to go Oscar for reading!

I'm sorry that Jesi is in such a rough spot, but I think that it is great she actually wants to tell you about it. I never would have told willingly.

Good for Bobbie on acceptance to the college!

Kate, I'm sorry you are having trouble with patience. Sometimes I just have to take a step back and say "Okay, this is a 3 year old human. What is my expectation of what a 3 year old human's behavior?" That usually shows me not only that I am expecting too much, but also how best to change my approach so I can achieve my aim. Sometimes it even works.

Have I left anyone out? I'm certain I have...

[demigraf]

I just put that book on hold at my library, Myles. Need to read it. Have terrible time with not being happy in the "now", but always feeling like I need to be doing something, catching up, cleaning, etc., basically anything but sitting down with JoJo and playing a game. I annoy myself with this.

I am feeling really down on myself right now because I am overweight and I have been running and kickboxing and exercising like a madwoman for two weeks with zero weight loss. I just can't stop eating sugar and it is sabotaging any weight loss I might otherwise achieve. Anyone have any advice on how to quit the sugar cravings? It is ridiculous. I think I am self-medicating with it (used to be nicotine and caffeine, but now my only vice is sugar). I guess I have to go cold turkey, but that makes me so sad. I love candy so much. Anyway, we are going to Playa del Carmen soon and that last thing on earth I want to do is be seen in a bathing suit.

I'm so sorry you're down on yourself. I could tell you that you look great in your photo and you should go easier on yourself, but I know how hard it is when it's you setting the standards for yourself, and you want to see results. Two suggestions for your sugar fixes: 1) increasing your fruits, veggies & brown carbs. My friend - who's an Alexander Technique teacher, so I don't know that it makes her an expert on this at all - says that if you don't give your body the complex carbs it needs, it starts trying to compensate for the deficit by sending signals to your brain that you need a "quick fix" in the form of simple sugars. 2) The Food Bible by Judith Wills suggests that you undergo a 4 week food overhaul, where you intentionally and drastically change your food choices to sort of retrain your palate/cravings toward healthier choices. My take on it is that it works 'cause it's easier to make an adjustment to a small change if you "shock" yourself away from your habits with a bigger version of that change. Funny, that actually is an Alexander Technique teaching: you break a habit by consciously interrupting it until the interruption becomes your new habit. Good luck!.

chrissy, i'm so happy for you & Bobbie and her college acceptance. Is her bf still in the picture and giving her grief? please update us if you can.

AmeriAsh, thank you for the compliment.

[AmeriBrit]

I like being called AmeriAsh; maybe that's what I should have changed my username to!

Katycat24, I have a serious sweet tooth and the only way I ever lose weight is to cut out the sweets all-together. It is hard. Very hard. I get cravings for sweets all the time, but when I'm dieting, I keep a picture of myself at the weight I want to be and I look at the picture and say, "I can't have the sugar until I look like this again."

Or maybe you could set mini goals and only have sweets as a reward for every 3 pounds you lose or something like that?

[missychrissy]

I had to cut out sweets and junk altogether when I was first dieting/exercising. I had no willpower and couldn't refrain from overrating. I would reward myself by having 1 cheat day a month when I didn't worry about my diet or calories. It really worked.

chrissy, i'm so happy for you & Bobbie and her college acceptance. Is her bf still in the picture and giving her grief? please update us if you can.

He's out. I had to call and threaten to have him arrested for harassment, but that seems to have done the trick. After his last escapade of calling just to discuss why he broke up with her, and then proceeding to cut her down and call her stupid and ugly, I think she finally sees the light. She knows he'll never be what she deserves.

[demigraf]

chrissy, that's great that the guy is gone, baby, gone. I hope Bobbie isn't missing him.

I remember starfall now from when my niece was using it. So cool!

oh, katycat, I forgot to say... ooooooh --- Playa del Carmen! I once went there with a coworker for 4 days on a dive trip. I loved how low-key it was (relative to what I imagine Cancun must be like), and it seemed very artsy too. The best thing we did was rent an old beater and drive the "Libre" roads (non-toll) through small towns and villages as we went from one ruin site to another. Then there's this one site where you can rent a bike and pedal aroujd the pyramids. I can look up the name if you want me to. I wish I could have spent much more time there. The underwqter "cenotes" (caverns) are amazing too, though I think I almost had a diving accident in one; my dive leader wasn't paying attention to anyone that day because his wife was in labor. I am jealous at the thought of it.

[Cosmosmom]

I need to whine about the weather...it was 63 on Friday. Today it's 25 and we have accumulated snow...6 inches I think. It's unbearable!!!

This morning it was like 8 and we got over a foot of snow. It's been a hard winter...we are 22 inches above normal already. I would just like to see the 40's again like last week. I actually had to miss work yesterday because neither of the cars we have would make it down our street.

[Cosmosmom]

After I was hit from behind while turning in my own driveway I had a real hard time with cars that followed too closely. It took a long time to get over feeling anxious about tailgaiters.

I tend to drive the speed limit (or less if the roads are icky like today they are snow covered). If someone is following me too closely, I will make sure to go exactly the limit and tap the breaks a bit. Usually that makes them back up and leave some space.

[missychrissy]

We were 10 below this morning. Not sure what it is now but at least the sun is out and the sky is clear. I'm so anxious for spring already.

I actually applied for a job at Virginia Tech. All KimJ had to tell me was it was close to 70 yesterday and send me the link.

[girlwonder]

oh, katycat, I forgot to say... ooooooh --- Playa del Carmen! I once went there with a coworker for 4 days on a dive trip. I loved how low-key it was (relative to what I imagine Cancun must be like), and it seemed very artsy too. The best thing we did was rent an old beater and drive the "Libre" roads (non-toll) through small towns and villages as we went from one ruin site to another. Then there's this one site where you can rent a bike and pedal aroujd the pyramids. I can look up the name if you want me to. I wish I could have spent much more time there. The underwqter "cenotes" (caverns) are amazing too, though I think I almost had a diving accident in one; my dive leader wasn't paying attention to anyone that day because his wife was in labor. I am jealous at the thought of it.

We are going for five days next week and staying at an all-inclusive resort just north of Playa. Last time we stayed in Playa at a lovely little boutique hotel with swim-up rooms! This time it is a reward trip from my dh's work, so we are kind of stuck with the all-inclusive thing, but the good thing is that it is all paid for: food, drink, lodging. definitely would love to know the name of the site and your favorite cenotes as well. Not sure if we are going to get off-site this time or not, but if we do i would love the recommendations.

[girlwonder]

I actually applied for a job at Virginia Tech. All KimJ had to tell me was it was close to 70 yesterday and send me the link.

Maybe the problems with Rich's credit are really a blessing in disguise so you are less tied there and now you can move to a warmer climate!

[Cosmosmom]

Ok so as much as I might complain about the weather this time of year....I don't dislike it enough to move. Most of the time I love where I live. Just right now the weather is getting old....and we have a sucky governor and I dispise him with a passion and wish that we could recall him or impeach him or something.

I'm so tired today. couldn't call asleep last night until after 2:30...and I get up at 6:45. Blah. Had coffee and am now on to diet mt dew.
And my lower back is slightly sore from shoveling....we have a super cool monster snow blower now that shots snow up to 50 feet....but can't use that on the porch and steps so I shovel that while DH gets everything else. And the drifts were mid-thigh deep. I try to lift with the legs but end up using the back more than I should.

First round of paperwork is going off in today's mail with the first of many checks to the agency. Will be getting started on the next round of paperwork soon. Some of it just so putzy...like proof of homeowners insurance. While I think that is important, I have a mortgage from the bank...which forces one to have insurance anyway. So not sure why I need to track that down and make copies of that when it should be assumed that if you have a house with a loan, of course you have insurance on the home.

[Cosmosmom]

Well as much of a nasty little weasal our governor is....I'm very proud of some of the WI politicians. All of the state senate Dems have literally left the state in protest....the weasal is trying to get rid of the unions and really picking on teachers in particular (I mean really teachers...because we all know that they are the reason the economy is messed up...ugh) but they cannot vote without at least one Dem there. The state police went around to their homes trying to find one Dem and bring him/her in....but they had all left the state and the state police cannot cross state lines.

[AmeriBrit]

The weather may force me to move eventually. I'd love to expat over to Spain. I'm already working with Travis on Spanish; he can count to 10 in Spanish and we'll work on colors next...now just to get DH to think about it....I'd love it.