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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #16951

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    How old is he now, Bridget? I hope he starts to gain some weight really soon!

  2. #16952

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    Oh here, have a Christmas video I forgot to share with you guys http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QN7uTnqmRv4
    It was tough getting him to do this on camera, but we told him we'd send it to Santa, and he was all for it

  3. #16953
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    I'm not a programmer, so I don't need to know any one language enough to write code that goes into production. There's a special "language" for my trade called Unified Modeling Language (UML) that I do know. It's more a designer's language to talk to programmers about what they're going to have to write. I do need to know about object-oriented languages (e.g. (C++, C#, Java) enough to read their code. It's kind of like just knowing the rules of grammar being able to figure out what people are saying out of context "oh that's the subject/object of the sentence... etc." but not needing to be able to speak it fluently.

    The transition for me went something like helpdesk (phone) ---> desktop support ---> managing IT projects related to user support ----> managing projects related to software development --(and realizing the designers/analysts were having all the fun---> performing the actual design/analysis.

    There are so many options for you -- Dev, DBA, security analysis, data modeling, architecture, project management, systems design. You're probably already doing some of these and I probably don't know enough to even name them all.

    When I was a kid, I don't think I would have said "when I grow up, I want to make software programs". This isn't my passion in life. But knowing that my true passion in life is more general - I just want to have variety (a zillion hobbies), little stress, and an environment that's intellectually stimulating enough - and I'd be very depressed if I was told I had to pick just one thing and could only do that for the rest of my life, I'm probably where I belong right now.
    Everything you have said makes perfect sense, and I totally get what you mean about being able to read code...I was trying to explain it to my husband, that although I don't know any language myself, whenever I see code and look at it, I can kinda make out the gist of things. I said that it's like hearing someone speak a different language and understanding what they mean, even though I cannot speak it myself. We had that conversation after watching the Social Network. In the beginning (and at various spots throughout) they'd show a computer screen with a lot of code and it made 'sense' to me, even though it's nothing I've done myself.

    I'm also more worried about having a content kinda life rather than defining myself by an occupation. I got into computers simply because I have a knack for them and I don't struggle in troubleshooting like the average user seems to do. I'm not sure why I have this feeling that I need to move on, because really I do like interacting with people and helping them out.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Started week 2 of the new job. After the water/heat fiasco last week I'm still not fully transitioned, but I am really enjoying it so far. I'm really glad I made the change. Although I do miss being able to walk out to the playground with the kids in the afternoon for some air and sunshine when I feel the need for a break! But I can take a break and go for a walk here - I just don't have the kids as an excuse.
    Glad it's going so well!!

    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    Sawyer is not back up to his birth weight.
    I can't believe it. He nurses practically all day. I have plenty of milk. He's pooping and peeing. I just don't get it. She says she is not overly concerned but wants to keep a close eye on it so I have to contact my local LC to do every other day weigh ins.
    Dammit. How can I fail at feeding my child?
    You're not failing Bridget. Believe me, this is really common especially in the first weeks. In my last job there were LC's and I can't tell you how many new moms had to bring their babies in for every other day weighing. I cannot remember one of them in the whole year I worked there having to give up breast feeding. Sometimes babies just start slower at gaining weight, and the weighing is simply a precaution. Don't fret!!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  4. #16954
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    Oh Kate he's adorable!! He did so well! Conner wouldn't be able to memorize and perform those songs on his own like that, I'm sure.

    He made me so happy! What a cute little guy he is.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  5. #16955
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    I just played the video for Conner and asked him if he'd like to meet Josh one day. He said he'd be his best friend Conner's impressed too.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  6. #16956
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    That video was seriously adorable.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  7. #16957

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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    Sawyer is not back up to his birth weight.
    I can't believe it. He nurses practically all day. I have plenty of milk. He's pooping and peeing. I just don't get it. She says she is not overly concerned but wants to keep a close eye on it so I have to contact my local LC to do every other day weigh ins.
    Dammit. How can I fail at feeding my child?
    Honey, I used those EXACT same words. I was crying to my friend at week two that "I had failed."

    I wish I had more advice for you (I'll bet the ladies in the BFing room have a lot of insight to your situation and, for some reason, I've never felt comfortable in that room) but I can venture a guess that our standard growth charts aren't based on the breastfed baby, so there's a degree that you can take 'em with a grain of salt. Of course, weight gain is an important indicator, for more reasons than I know, but please please please don't feel like you failed. My LC told me "fail" was too strong a word, even for a mom who feels she needs to stop BFing.

    I confess I'm starting to tear up thinking back to that time. It does feel very helpless, but I know you're doing your absolute best. Two hour nursing sessions?!? Getting stuck watching a mass on TV while you're doing it?!? Of course, you're giving it your all.

  8. #16958

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Oh here, have a Christmas video I forgot to share with you guys http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QN7uTnqmRv4
    It was tough getting him to do this on camera, but we told him we'd send it to Santa, and he was all for it
    OMG, so stinkin' adorable! He's doing such a great job remembering all the lyrics, and he looks so pleased when he "nails" it. My favorite part is when his antlers fall down. He doesn't miss a beat.

  9. #16959
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    Does anyone know by any chance how much a 6' man should weigh? Not big-boned, just normal.

    I'm asking because my Dad who was at one point well over 200lbs was scared into losing some weight by his doctor. My dad can be a bit obsessive (hmm, wonder where I get that from?) and so once he makes up his mind to do something, he does it thoroughly. In a matter of 2 months he is down to 170 or so (and personally I think he looks older - he's 73 years old and now that he weighs less his skin seems to look much older) and he told my mom he wants to weigh around 160. To me that seems way too thin. DH weighed 160 when I met him and he was underweight at that point, and he's 5'11. In good shape, working out, DH is around 180 I think.

    I was at their house this weekend and my dad baked some bread and put part of the loaf in my purse (in a ziplock bag) for me to take home. Got home to this email:

    Mandy

    please look by the package of bread in your purse....

    Mrs Santa slipped that in my stocking I am doing soooo well
    loosing weight that I just don't want to, so to speak, "loose it,"
    ... the diet I mean! Thought you might enjoy it ,as it is one of
    your favorites.

    Shhhh, don't want to hurt Mrs. Santa's feelings, be assured
    It was a Ghirardelli chocolate bar. Much appreciated - but I'm worried he's becoming slightly anorexic. Am I worried for nothing?
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  10. #16960

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    DH is 6'4 and I think he weighs around 170. He's very skinny though, no fat at all on the guy (note the jealousy) and he's also not very built, or anything. Just skinny I don't think it's bad to splurge once in a while. He could have kept the chocolate bar and just had a little piece every day.
    Josh learned that song and all the moves in school. I think they sang it every day for a couple weeks, so he had a lot of time to get it down pat!
    Chrissy, NY is not too far! Josh would love to have a friend in NY. He raves all day about NYC. We went there once last summer and he's been asking to go back. I don't know how far you are from the city, but if we go there again maybe we could meet up with you guys!

  11. #16961
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    DH is 6'4 and I think he weighs around 170. He's very skinny though, no fat at all on the guy (note the jealousy) and he's also not very built, or anything. Just skinny I don't think it's bad to splurge once in a while. He could have kept the chocolate bar and just had a little piece every day.
    Josh learned that song and all the moves in school. I think they sang it every day for a couple weeks, so he had a lot of time to get it down pat!
    Chrissy, NY is not too far! Josh would love to have a friend in NY. He raves all day about NYC. We went there once last summer and he's been asking to go back. I don't know how far you are from the city, but if we go there again maybe we could meet up with you guys!
    Thanks, I think he could have eaten it a little at a time, too.

    Now I'm thinking I should go visit my brother or sister in NY and meet up with you guys. That would be so much fun.

    ETA: But it's pretty far from NYC to where Chrissy is, if I'm not mistaken.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 02-07-2011 at 10:06 PM.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  12. #16962
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    Gwenn, I just found this on my first googling - can't vouch for the validity and I was a little surprised by how low the numbers went myself for 6 feet, but for the women in my height it seemed about how I remembered:

    http://www.healthchecksystems.com/heightweightchart.htm

    Bridget, you are doing great!!! Breastfeeding is fraught with second-guessing yourself all the time, it seems, and I also think a lot of people have slow gainers and multiple weight checks. I actually bought a baby-to-toddler scale (still have it, and still weigh all of my children every week) because I was so worried about the twins' weights. It doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. In fact, I think you deserve a Kindle as a present or something for all of the long breastfeeding sessions you're going to be doing.

    ETA: Gwenn, since I have another second, when my dh was trying to lose weight and be healthy, he pretty much had to do it all-or-nothing. It wasn't that he had an eating disorder, but he had to get his mindset into only healthy foods and no sweets, and kind of like quitting smoking, once you pass a certain threshold of going without sweets and snacks for a while it gets a lot easier. However, if you slip and even have one little piece of chocolate, it re-sets that baseline again an it is so much harder to go without sweets and snacks for a while again. So in general, it is far easier mentally to go without than to do it in moderation. Maybe your dad is doing the same thing.
    Last edited by 3andMe; 02-07-2011 at 10:46 PM.


  13. #16963
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    Lydia, those numbers seem very low. DH is fairly small boned but as I said, he's around 180 when he's been working out. Although I know muscle is heavier than fat. Still, I'm surprised as that chart would put my DH as somewhere between 146-166 depending on whether he is "small" or "medium" boned. When he was 160ish he rarely ate and he was skin and bone. So I'm not sure I trust that site.

    You're right, though, the women's numbers seem appropriate at least for my height/build.

    ETA: looked at the fine print at the bottom and it said ideal weights according to the Metropolitan Life Insurance company as of 1983. Hrm. Not the most objective or the most up-to-date source.

    ETA again: every chart I click on gives a completely different set of data. I give up.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 02-07-2011 at 10:53 PM.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  14. #16964
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Chrissy, NY is not too far! Josh would love to have a friend in NY. He raves all day about NYC. We went there once last summer and he's been asking to go back. I don't know how far you are from the city, but if we go there again maybe we could meet up with you guys!
    That would be awesome!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Now I'm thinking I should go visit my brother or sister in NY and meet up with you guys. That would be so much fun.

    ETA: But it's pretty far from NYC to where Chrissy is, if I'm not mistaken.
    It's a few hours (3 or 4?) but not outside the realm of possibility. There are a number of Shortline buses that take day trips to/from the city, not to mention the Campus to Campus shuttle from Cornell that goes to their NYC campus from Ithaca daily.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lydia View Post
    Gwenn, since I have another second, when my dh was trying to lose weight and be healthy, he pretty much had to do it all-or-nothing. It wasn't that he had an eating disorder, but he had to get his mindset into only healthy foods and no sweets, and kind of like quitting smoking, once you pass a certain threshold of going without sweets and snacks for a while it gets a lot easier. However, if you slip and even have one little piece of chocolate, it re-sets that baseline again an it is so much harder to go without sweets and snacks for a while again. So in general, it is far easier mentally to go without than to do it in moderation. Maybe your dad is doing the same thing.
    I was going to say as much...when I got in the mindset to lose weight, I did not eat any sweets of any sort for months. In fact, even though it's been at least 6 months since I hit my target weight, I just now started allowing myself a random candy bar.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    I actually found this: http://www.nutribase.com/fwchartm.shtml that compares the previous table (which seems to have been used for years by all kinds of 'experts' to determine healthy weight).

    On either chart, my dh would be consider grossly underweight, but I don't think he's unhealthy. He's very toned and strong. Even though he's small, almost all muscle, and he still doesn't reach the bottom number for his height.

    At the bottom they claim that the reality is that the body/fat content is more important than actual height/weight ratio. Knowing Rich, I'd have to say I agree. But that's just my experience.

    For myself, I'm in the low end of the recommended weight for my height, but I have loads of fat. I need to get rid of it.
    Last edited by missychrissy; 02-08-2011 at 07:41 AM.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  16. #16966

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    I still allow myself sweets (I cheat a lot, so feel free to not listen to me, lol)
    For our anniversary in Sept. my mom gave us each a box of mixed chocolates and she called me a few days later, mortified. "Why didn't you remind me you were on a diet?" As if I'd turn down chocolate!
    I don't have a big sweet tooth, but I do love some assorted chocolates.
    Bridget, you're doing great. You're trying so hard and I hope so hard that it pays off for you. I knew so little about bfing when Josh was born. I thought it would be easy. It didn't seem fair that something that's supposed to be natural was so hard to get right. I stressed about what side he was feeding from, for how long, how much he was getting, how much I was pumping, etc. The stress was too much for all of us. I wish someone could have told me to relax and be patient.

  17. #16967
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    Mandy here is a BMI calculator. http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/bmicalc.htm

    I personally am not fond of BMI numbers. If my DH was what it says is normal weight, I think that he looks too skinny and sick. He's not super tall at 5'10 but has a heavier shoulder and is just thicker through the upper thighs. He doesn't have a skinny build.

    Losing a lot of weight does make one look older and sicker. I started getting that I looked sick after I lost a ton of weight...and my lowest was still 204 and a size 18!
    Last edited by Cosmosmom; 02-08-2011 at 09:20 AM.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  18. #16968
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lydia View Post
    ETA: Gwenn, since I have another second, when my dh was trying to lose weight and be healthy, he pretty much had to do it all-or-nothing. It wasn't that he had an eating disorder, but he had to get his mindset into only healthy foods and no sweets, and kind of like quitting smoking, once you pass a certain threshold of going without sweets and snacks for a while it gets a lot easier. However, if you slip and even have one little piece of chocolate, it re-sets that baseline again an it is so much harder to go without sweets and snacks for a while again. So in general, it is far easier mentally to go without than to do it in moderation. Maybe your dad is doing the same thing.
    I totally agree with this! After the gastric bypass I didn't have chocolate for 6 months, didn't have pop for 18 months, didn't have fast food (other than subway but that isn't the same) for 18 months......for a while I could just have a tiny bit or a taste but yeah its addictive because once I had a piece of chocolate, I craved them again. I wish that especially with pop that i never that first bite/sip again or even just held out longer than I did.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  19. #16969

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    I agree with that...one of my favorite chefs, Alton Brown, lost something like 50 lbs and I think he looks worse. His face looks all gaunt and saggy. Some people look great when they lost a lot of weight though (like Jenny, she looks amazing-she has a photo progression of her weight loss on FB and it's just incredible)

  20. #16970
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I agree with that...one of my favorite chefs, Alton Brown, lost something like 50 lbs and I think he looks worse. His face looks all gaunt and saggy. Some people look great when they lost a lot of weight though (like Jenny, she looks amazing-she has a photo progression of her weight loss on FB and it's just incredible)
    I agree with this; some people that lose weight look a little sick when their face goes all slim. My FIL recently lost 15 pounds and he looks so much older! He's glad to be rid of his flabby tummy but his face is so slim.

    My Wii tells me that I don't need to lose any weight and that my ideal weight is 137 but I'm currently 130 and still have a preggo belly pouch that needs to go, so I don't listen to the Wii....lol

    Bridget, you're doing great with the BF; just keep it up and I'm sure that Sawyer will start gaining before you know it!

  21. #16971
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    Start mini-rant/whine/frustration here:

    I added Rich to my credit card weeks ago. According to our broker, they typically appear within 2 weeks, but if not all the credit bureaus update their stats early in the month (after the 1st weekend I believe she said). So if they didn't appear right away, she was certain the card would appear by 2/6. Well, I ran one of Rich's free credit reports yesterday through Experien and the credit card isn't on there.

    I need to have 2-3 lines of credit under his name (notice I need to do it, he's totally a non-participant when it comes to our financial life). I'm not sure if the issue is just with that credit reporting agency, or if the card didn't report it for some reason...but they need to be on his credit for some length of time before we do a real application for a mortgage.

    /rant.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  22. #16972

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    That's frustrating Chrissy! I hope it gets worked out soon.

  23. #16973
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    I just really need to learn patience.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  24. #16974

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    Me too...
    Has anyone spoken to their preschool aged kids about smoking? How did you approach it? Josh has heard us say that hanging around MIL too long makes him sick because she smokes. It's true that if he's there too long he has a cold the next day. They don't smoke around him but they have been smoking in that house for decades so it's just in the air and in everything. So apparently Josh told this to MIL and she said it wasn't true that her smoking makes him sick. I told him it did, I found websites that list all the illnesses and other things you get from smoking and 2nd hand smoke and told him. We came across a picture of a smoker's lung compared to a healthy lung and I showed him how different it looked.
    I don't want to scare him or give him too much info for his age but I do want him to know smoking does indeed make you, and others exposed to it, sick.

  25. #16975
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    I've always told my kids smoking would make people sick. I don't like that your mil contradicted you to him. I'd take great issue with that.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  26. #16976

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Me too...
    Has anyone spoken to their preschool aged kids about smoking? How did you approach it? Josh has heard us say that hanging around MIL too long makes him sick because she smokes. It's true that if he's there too long he has a cold the next day. They don't smoke around him but they have been smoking in that house for decades so it's just in the air and in everything. So apparently Josh told this to MIL and she said it wasn't true that her smoking makes him sick. I told him it did, I found websites that list all the illnesses and other things you get from smoking and 2nd hand smoke and told him. We came across a picture of a smoker's lung compared to a healthy lung and I showed him how different it looked.
    I don't want to scare him or give him too much info for his age but I do want him to know smoking does indeed make you, and others exposed to it, sick.
    Absolutely I tell my kids smoking will ruin their bodies.
    My brother smokes and they lecture him all the time. He doesn't smoke around them or anything but they have seen his cigarettes in his pocket and such.

  27. #16977

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    Josh said "Well I will tell her she's wrong because your computer is right" and I said well don't really make a big deal out of being right or wrong. I just want him to know the facts. I certainly don't want to be passive aggressive by letting Josh be the messenger between us, but I know it will cause problems if I say anything to her because she's delusional and doesn't think cigarettes are bad (and therefore thinks secondhand smoke is harmless as well)
    DH has blinders on, he has this loyalty to his family (his first family, anyway) even though they treat him like crap and don't care for either one of us, they just want us to keep bringing Josh around so they make nice. He says they put an air filter in the house, I personally didn't notice a difference last time we went over there to take them out to dinner, but I guess they're trying?
    I'm mostly mad at myself because I didn't put my foot down before Josh was born. I hate confrontation and I hate that I have let something like this go because of that.

  28. #16978

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    She doesn't think cigarettes are bad?
    What cave is she living in?

  29. #16979

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    I told you she's delusional! Total believer in conspiracy theories and all that.

  30. #16980
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    wow-to say she's delusional sounds too kind!

    I feel bad for Josh. I hope he doesn't feel like he has to defend his mommy to her. Not saying that you're making him feel that way, but I worry she might. Good thing you have a computer to back you up!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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