Secular Confessions

[Cosmosmom]

I've been doing a lot of reading on picky eaters because I have one really picky eater and one who will eat anything - pad thai, spicy tuna burgers with cucumber salad and salted edamame, sushi, you name it. It has nothing to do with the variety of foods I've offered, or the way I've presented it or anything, because I've given the same foods to both of them from the get-go. From everything I've read, the pickiness is genetic, and the more you try to force them to eat things or to try to eat things, the more resistant and picky they will stay as adults.

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That is interesting...especially with the twins.

And those foods you listed...I might try the edamame but that is about it. Cucumbers yes but probably not as a salad. No way to tuna or sushi.

[Kryyptehk]

Oh man, I'm a picky eater too and I hate that about myself. My mom says that she really regrets not making me try more things (by make, as in insist that I eat new things, not forcing the issue). In my house, people aren't allowed to say "ew, gross" to things so Nathaniel doesn't pick up the habit. 'Course, that mostly applies to me lol

[daylilies]

Oh man, I'm a picky eater too and I hate that about myself. My mom says that she really regrets not making me try more things (by make, as in insist that I eat new things, not forcing the issue). In my house, people aren't allowed to say "ew, gross" to things so Nathaniel doesn't pick up the habit. 'Course, that mostly applies to me lol

Are you new here or someone who made a new account?

If that's true about kids who are forced to eat continuing to be picky into adulthood, that's probably what happened with DH. He tells stories about having to sit in front of food for hours, or having to eat dinner for breakfast the next morning. I think that's gross and I rarely save food longer than a couple hours unless it wasn't touched at all. And I never make him sit in front of it forever.
On the other hand, I remember having to do that too, sometimes (not the dinner for breakfast but staying at the table in front of cold food) and I am a very adventurous eater.

[missychrissy]

The idea of making a child sit at the table for an extended period of time really bothers me. Those poor kids. Is it really worth it? Really? I just don't get that wrapped up in whether or not my kids eat or what they eat. None have starved yet, and like I said they all gravitate to healthy choices so...I dunno. I couldn't ever make them sit like that.

[missychrissy]

I think the other part of the whole 'eat what I cook dammit' thought process is I fully believe respect is earned. You cannot force your child to respect you. You can make them fear you, but not respect you. If you have their respect then they're more like to want to please you. If they fear you, they'll be more likely to sneak behind your back and do what their peers are doing. I don't know how parents think they're instilling respect if they're forcing their child to just sit there in front of an unwanted meal.

I'm really getting upset just thinking about kids being put through that.

[Cosmosmom]

:

If that's true about kids who are forced to eat continuing to be picky into adulthood, that's probably what happened with DH. He tells stories about having to sit in front of food for hours, or having to eat dinner for breakfast the next morning. I think that's gross and I rarely save food longer than a couple hours unless it wasn't touched at all. And I never make him sit in front of it forever.
On the other hand, I remember having to do that too, sometimes (not the dinner for breakfast but staying at the table in front of cold food) and I am a very adventurous eater.

Maybe. I was NEVER forced to eat anything and would never had to eat it the next day or sit there for hours. Mom knew genetics were against us and tried to not have us be overweight...and really why force down food if one isn't hungry? I mean its not like it will be that many hours until another snack or meal.

And while I'm still a pretty picky eater, I'm definitely better than I was when I was 18 and willing to try a bit more (except seafood/fish, and stuff with miracle whip).

[Bridget]

I think the other part of the whole 'eat what I cook dammit' thought process is I fully believe respect is earned. You cannot force your child to respect you. You can make them fear you, but not respect you. If you have their respect then they're more like to want to please you. If they fear you, they'll be more likely to sneak behind your back and do what their peers are doing. I don't know how parents think they're instilling respect if they're forcing their child to just sit there in front of an unwanted meal.

I'm really getting upset just thinking about kids being put through that.

I agree. I wish dbf would learn this. I hate it when he tries to "teach" by intimidation. I was scared of my mom. So I got really good at lying and hiding stuff from her.
But she did the best she could. I know that now.

Oh, and I was a SUPER picky eater. I would gag all the time. Now I'll eat pretty much anything that's real food.

[Cosmosmom]

The idea of making a child sit at the table for an extended period of time really bothers me. Those poor kids. Is it really worth it? Really? I just don't get that wrapped up in whether or not my kids eat or what they eat. None have starved yet, and like I said they all gravitate to healthy choices so...I dunno. I couldn't ever make them sit like that.

It's not just you....that really bothers me too. I am overweight so obviously I eat too much. But I never feel like I HAVE to clean my plate. When I'm done, I'm done and if there is is 2 or 3 bites left, so be it.


I would hate to have eating and meals be so stressful. They were always a nice fun thing growing up, getting to talk about our days and all that. Never forced, never stressed. My only issue that is mom eventually gave up cooking a bunch of different things so we basically had cheeseburgers, pasta, kraft mac and cheese and pizza. lunch was pbj and fruit. breakfast was bad for your cereal. Only veggies were corn and tomatoes and pickles for me.

[Cosmosmom]

Woohoo! My amazon packages finally arrived and they are Dh's birthday presents (it was last friday but he had to work so we are celebrating this weekend). I got him this card game called Dominion....hopefully it's good. I heard it's good for two players and a lot of wives don't mind playing this one. I also picked up Mario Kart for Wii....we used to play the old one for NES 64 I think it was.

Today is my second sick day and mostly been lying around the past couple of days watching 90210. LOL Starting to get better i think, especially after I dug out that inhaler. I'm just hoping that it doesn't develop into a 3 month cough like it sometimes does.

And tonight I'm making homemade mac and cheese and broccoli....I think that I have enough taste left to enjoy it.

I kind of miss work though so looking forward to going back tomorrow.

[missychrissy]

We had mac & cheese last night. It's one of my favorites. But not Jess. I'm not entirely sure what she ate, now that I think about it. Probably an English muffin with pb&j. Blech!

[missychrissy]

It's nice now that the girls are older and they can fend for themselves when they're hungry. I've never really made them ask about snacks either, but I do say when they're out they're out. I won't make a special trip to the grocery store. I go on Saturdays only, so they have to space their snacks out to last a full week. So far it's really worked well.

[Cosmosmom]

We had mac & cheese last night. It's one of my favorites. But not Jess. I'm not entirely sure what she ate, now that I think about it. Probably an English muffin with pb&j. Blech!

yeah at 16 they can fend for themselves.

OMG I could eat mac and cheese almost nightly. It's a bit rich in calories though so I serve it on a bed of broccoli...we each get about two cups of broccoli...makes it look like we are getting more mac and cheese.

My weird sister prefers kraft over my homemade...I mean kraft is alright but not even close to the homemade!

[AmeriBrit]

I just worked my little butt off on the Wii Fit! I even did some yoga. I did the tree pose, the bridge, and the chair. I'm really trying hard to lose all my pregnancy weight before I go back home!

[AmeriBrit]

Welcome to the secular thread! :-)

Oh man, I'm a picky eater too and I hate that about myself. My mom says that she really regrets not making me try more things (by make, as in insist that I eat new things, not forcing the issue). In my house, people aren't allowed to say "ew, gross" to things so Nathaniel doesn't pick up the habit. 'Course, that mostly applies to me lol

[Bridget]

I am missing my mom so much right now. No one is babying me. She flew to Hawaii for 2 weeks for the end of both my pregnancies and didn't let me do anything. Cooked for me, played scrabble with me, brought me pillows to put my feet up, walked with me, held me.

Last night I did the grocery shopping by myself even after I told dbf I'd like him to help me. Today he went snowmobiling all day while I worked and he's just now getting around to doing the paid job he needs to get done so it's just me and the kids all evening. I'm tired and sore. It's seriously not my nature at all to want someone to take care of me but I gotta say, it would be really, really nice right now.

I want my mommy.

[demigraf]

I'm so sorry to hear that, bridget. I've heard that it's especially hard at times like this - ones that you associate with the person who can't be there. It must hurt a lot. I confess I've been feeling really exasperated with my parents lately, since they stayed with us for a month and have their share of irritating quirks, and I have to remind myself that they won't be here forever. I think I find myself losing patience with a lot of things about them that are age-related. They can't help
it if they can't hear me or react quickly when Bodhi is doing something risky. In any case, Bridge, I hope we make you feel a little less sad without your mom there.

ITA with whoever said that pickiness is something that can be learned by a child. I guess it can be genetic on the one hand, but I also think we can give our kids issues if we make a big deal about cleaning their plates, or offer food as a way to feel better emotionally. I grew up with my own fair share of food fixations, and they are so overpowering still today. I wouldn't wish them on anybody Mind you, I was never picky; quite the opposite really. I just used food as comfort. I could eat all day, and later it became this guilty thing, because my mom always made it clear I was too fat in a thin family. I know she meant well, and I often wonder what I'd have done in her shoes. The truth is that I suspect I developed food issues as a baby, stemming from when my parents had to leave 6 month old me with my great-aunt for 9 months in the old country in order to immigrate to the US. I think I substituted calories for my mom. LOL.

I confess I walked into a juice bar and smelled something terrible, kind of like celery, B.O. and halitosis combined, and I can't stop myself from smelling it now. Am I weird for being haunted by bad odors long after I'm anywhere near them?

silverstar, I hope you post the finished product for Amy somewhere we can all see it when you're done! That sounds neat. My most recent crafty project was taking Bodhi's outgrown shirts and making them into string bikini undies for myself. I'll dig up a pic and share it here soon. I know I already showed some to my DD room. They're surprisingly comfy.

[daylilies]

Sorry Bridget We should all move close to each other so we can help each other out!
Yeah...I just stress about everything, as you all know. It makes my skin crawl to watch Josh pick at and play with his food and I know it bothers DH too. He hates to waste anything. I'm less worried about the wasting thing but more personally hurt that he won't eat the food I make. I know I'm not supposed to take it personally though. I think DH and I need to lighten up. DH is big into being in control. Josh such a sweetheart when no pressure is put upon him. We went out to shovel today and he actually got annoyed that I was helping him. LOL I'll remind him of that when he's a teenager!

[missychrissy]

I just worked my little butt off on the Wii Fit! I even did some yoga. I did the tree pose, the bridge, and the chair. I'm really trying hard to lose all my pregnancy weight before I go back home!

I so want one of those! Does that one tell you how many calories you burned?

I am missing my mom so much right now. No one is babying me. She flew to Hawaii for 2 weeks for the end of both my pregnancies and didn't let me do anything. Cooked for me, played scrabble with me, brought me pillows to put my feet up, walked with me, held me.

Last night I did the grocery shopping by myself even after I told dbf I'd like him to help me. Today he went snowmobiling all day while I worked and he's just now getting around to doing the paid job he needs to get done so it's just me and the kids all evening. I'm tired and sore. It's seriously not my nature at all to want someone to take care of me but I gotta say, it would be really, really nice right now.

I want my mommy.

I wish your dbf would just do 1/4 of those things, without any prodding. Just do them because it's the right thing to do.

ITA with whoever said that pickiness is something that can be learned by a child. I guess it can be genetic on the one hand, but I also think we can give our kids issues if we make a big deal about cleaning their plates, or offer food as a way to feel better emotionally. I grew up with my own fair share of food fixations, and they are so overpowering still today. I wouldn't wish them on anybody Mind you, I was never picky; quite the opposite really. I just used food as comfort. I could eat all day, and later it became this guilty thing, because my mom always made it clear I was too fat in a thin family. I know she meant well, and I often wonder what I'd have done in her shoes. The truth is that I suspect I developed food issues as a baby, stemming from when my parents had to leave 6 month old me with my great-aunt for 9 months in the old country in order to immigrate to the US. I think I substituted calories for my mom. LOL.

Aww...I just want to squeeze little 6-month you.

Sorry Bridget We should all move close to each other so we can help each other out!
Yeah...I just stress about everything, as you all know. It makes my skin crawl to watch Josh pick at and play with his food and I know it bothers DH too. He hates to waste anything. I'm less worried about the wasting thing but more personally hurt that he won't eat the food I make. I know I'm not supposed to take it personally though. I think DH and I need to lighten up. DH is big into being in control. Josh such a sweetheart when no pressure is put upon him. We went out to shovel today and he actually got annoyed that I was helping him. LOL I'll remind him of that when he's a teenager!

Bless his little heart.

I'm not sure how one goes from taking something like that personally to not worrying about it. I never recall viewing my kids rejection of something I made as anything to do with me...and I'm sure there have been times when I made something yucky! lol I just always assume they're not in the mood to eat right now, and like I said before I put it in the fridge for later.

[Kryyptehk]

Welcome to the secular thread! :-)

Thank ya! I'm not truly secular, but I'm more secular than my actual religion

[Kryyptehk]

Are you new here or someone who made a new account?

If that's true about kids who are forced to eat continuing to be picky into adulthood, that's probably what happened with DH. He tells stories about having to sit in front of food for hours, or having to eat dinner for breakfast the next morning. I think that's gross and I rarely save food longer than a couple hours unless it wasn't touched at all. And I never make him sit in front of it forever.
On the other hand, I remember having to do that too, sometimes (not the dinner for breakfast but staying at the table in front of cold food) and I am a very adventurous eater.

Heh, sorry, just caught up. I'm new

[Gwenn]

I'm another one who was forced to sit at the table for hours. I remember very clearly that my dad would make this horrible turkey soup that had absolutely no flavor in it - no vegetables in the stock, no salt, it was just bland and nasty and made of left-over bits of gross-looking turkey that held no appeal anyway. I refused to eat it and I remember staring at those bowls of turkey soup. All it did in my case was make me stubborn and resentful. I never did eat any of it. And it tasted bad - why force your kids to eat disgusting food? What life lesson do they get out of that?

I confess when I graduated with my Bachelor's my parents threw me a graduation party and my dad really wanted to do the cooking. I asked my mother if they needed me to help plan out the menu, and was told no, they didn't want my input. They ended up serving an entire menu of food I didn't like, and in one case of a dish I had REPEATEDLY told my father I disliked. At a party in my honor. And then they rolled their eyes about how picky and spoiled I am. I still don't think I've quite forgiven them for that.

The truth is, I was much, much pickier as a child than I am now. Primarily I think because I really couldn't stand their cooking. I'll try all sorts of things now and love to try various ethnic cuisines - DH and I love to eat together. I stay away from fish and anything slimy, but other than that I love good food. But my parents still think I'm overly picky. They just don't cook well, and my brother has said the exact same thing.

Bridget, I'm sad you are missing your mom. I wish we could all be there to help make things easier for you right now.

[Kryyptehk]

I'm another one who was forced to sit at the table for hours. I remember very clearly that my dad would make this horrible turkey soup that had absolutely no flavor in it - no vegetables in the stock, no salt, it was just bland and nasty and made of left-over bits of gross-looking turkey that held no appeal anyway. I refused to eat it and I remember staring at those bowls of turkey soup. All it did in my case was make me stubborn and resentful. I never did eat any of it. And it tasted bad - why force your kids to eat disgusting food? What life lesson do they get out of that?

I confess when I graduated with my Bachelor's my parents threw me a graduation party and my dad really wanted to do the cooking. I asked my mother if they needed me to help plan out the menu, and was told no, they didn't want my input. They ended up serving an entire menu of food I didn't like, and in one case of a dish I had REPEATEDLY told my father I disliked. At a party in my honor. And then they rolled their eyes about how picky and spoiled I am. I still don't think I've quite forgiven them for that.

The truth is, I was much, much pickier as a child than I am now. Primarily I think because I really couldn't stand their cooking. I'll try all sorts of things now and love to try various ethnic cuisines - DH and I love to eat together. I stay away from fish and anything slimy, but other than that I love good food. But my parents still think I'm overly picky. They just don't cook well, and my brother has said the exact same thing.

Bridget, I'm sad you are missing your mom. I wish we could all be there to help make things easier for you right now.

How awful. I can't believe they would fix food they KNOW you don't like and then say that you're spoiled. It sounds like they were trying to be spiteful. That sounds more spoiled and bratty than not eating their food, KWIM?

[daylilies]

Well, welcome then, Kryyptehk!

[missychrissy]

Gwenn, I can only read that and hope I'm never 1/2 as irrational as a parent. I know in the heat of the moment I can say ridiculous things to my kids (and yes, they call me on it ) and we laugh, but now I'm wondering how much might be haunting them deep inside. No one wants to give their children scars for life...at least, I don't think anyone intends to.

[Gwenn]

Gwenn, I can only read that and hope I'm never 1/2 as irrational as a parent. I know in the heat of the moment I can say ridiculous things to my kids (and yes, they call me on it ) and we laugh, but now I'm wondering how much might be haunting them deep inside. No one wants to give their children scars for life...at least, I don't think anyone intends to.

Well, I wouldn't say I am scarred for life ... but it did make an impression. Don't get me wrong, though, in most ways my parents were wonderful but in certain ways we just didn't/don't click and that is one of them. Things like that do make me sad when I think about them.

[missychrissy]

Well, I wouldn't say I am scarred for life ... but it did make an impression. Don't get me wrong, though, in most ways my parents were wonderful but in certain ways we just didn't/don't click and that is one of them. Things like that do make me sad when I think about them.

I know what you mean. My father was wonderful and I am so fortunate to have had him in my life, but there were things that weren't so great. I guess I'm just worried because of what I've gone through with Bobbie and Jessica lately. I had a whole litany of things I'd never do when I had kids, and they've made similar comments. Nothing so drastic as anything we've talked about with our parents, but I guess I was hoping for perfection from myself

What you said only made me wonder what 'horror' stories they might have about me...maybe they will share them later, when they're adults themselves.

[Cosmosmom]

I'm sorry Bridget


Chrissy, I bet that their horror stories won't be that bad. In many ways, it sounds like you are more of a mom like my mom....and I'm very lucky that I have only a few horror stories and they aren't that bad. I got a dab of soap on the tongue once when i was 10 but I was really deserving that one. I got my room trashed by mom in high school and wasn't allowed to leave until I got it cleaned up again....this was after being told many times to not leave it that nasty and lying about saying I cleaned it up and leaving....when she got home and saw I lied, everything came out of my closet and out of the drawers and was a big pile of junk. Wasn't like my room had to be perfect either so again I totally deserved it for lying about it. And I wish that I had been encouraged to eat a whole lot more veggies and didn't have so much pasta in various forms....to this day, give me some noodles and I'm a happy camper. I do give them some slack though because at various points in childhood money was super tight and things like hot dogs, pbj and mac and cheese were pretty cheap.

So yeah those are the three complaints I have otherwise I had it pretty good and adore my mom and think that she really did a pretty good job. And I still pulled a stunt on them sort of like Jess did to you......

[missychrissy]

So yeah those are the three complaints I have otherwise I had it pretty good and adore my mom and think that she really did a pretty good job. And I still pulled a stunt on them sort of like Jess did to you......

Thank you. I hope you're right.

[Gwenn]

I know what you mean. My father was wonderful and I am so fortunate to have had him in my life, but there were things that weren't so great. I guess I'm just worried because of what I've gone through with Bobbie and Jessica lately. I had a whole litany of things I'd never do when I had kids, and they've made similar comments. Nothing so drastic as anything we've talked about with our parents, but I guess I was hoping for perfection from myself

What you said only made me wonder what 'horror' stories they might have about me...maybe they will share them later, when they're adults themselves.

I know I'm not a mom yet, but I expect perfection from myself when it comes to my kids at work. It's hard for me to accept sometimes that I can't meet that standard. Actually I think it's one of the reasons I want to switch to evaluations, because I set too high of a standard with my kids and can't achieve it. And then beat myself up about it. But as a mom, you can't transfer. You just have to accept that you'll never be perfect. Hard as it is.

[Gwenn]

This teacher at work (the one who drives me crazy) just sent me an email asking me to PLEASE send me a current copy of my schedule because she still can't remember the latest changes and is making out her sub plans for when she goes on maternity leave. I went in my sent mail folder and found I had sent it 3 weeks ago, two days before I started implementing the new changes. As usual. So, I forwarded her a copy of the previous email with attachment, and commented that I was re-sending it for her.

Was that *****y of me? If it was I don't really care. And come next week, I won't be working with her anymore, anyway.