Secular Confessions

[daylilies]

That might work--thanks
He got a good review at the dentist today She said he has big teeth though LOL

[missychrissy]

Yay for the good review at the dentist!!

[missychrissy]

Everything is quiet and good on the homefront tonight. Bobbie even apologized to me about last night and said she loved me. There is hope...but I'm going first totally gray, then bald before she gets settled in a dorm somewhere!

[Gwenn]

Everything is quiet and good on the homefront tonight. Bobbie even apologized to me about last night and said she loved me. There is hope...but I'm going first totally gray, then bald before she gets settled in a dorm somewhere!

I'm glad to hear that.

Chrissy, my mother occasionally volunteers with my kids at school (she's a retired teacher and her grandkids live on the other side of the country so she loves to come in and have some time with the kids). Last time she came was while you were going through all the Jessica drama and I ended up venting about it to her while we had lunch. So when I heard she was home safe I emailed my mom to let her know and she wrote back that she thought the teen years were the hardest by far (or sometimes the early 20's). And I just felt like dirt because while I was a pretty easy teen, I put her through hell in my early 20's and obviously that's still fresh for her. We just never do know what we are putting our parents through, do we?

[daylilies]

See, that really scares me when people say the teens are the worst.
Afterthought: do you suppose it's because they don't remember the toddler-preschool years as clearly? XD

[missychrissy]

We just never do know what we are putting our parents through, do we?

No, we don't. I thought I understood what I did to my dad, but I really didn't until the last couple months.

See, that really scares me when people say the teens are the worst.
Afterthought: do you suppose it's because they don't remember the toddler-preschool years as clearly? XD

Um, I have a 4 year old as well. Do you really want me to answer that?

[missychrissy]

The good news is your is a boy. I've heard, and I'm hoping it's true, that teen boys are easier than teen girls.

I've told Sydney I hope she's taking lessons from her sisters...on what not to do. She assures me she is!

[daylilies]

I'm going to venture a guess that teens are just as bad as 4 year olds in that they're rebellious, they don't listen, they're moody...but that the ways teens get back at you are a lot more extreme and can cause more long term damage than a 4 year old's?

[daylilies]

DH just called and said that he's on his way home, but that he has to stop and steal internet from someone at some point because he has to take his turn on some strategy game he has on his laptop. Ah, priorities.

[Gwenn]

I've heard that, too ... but I'm not sure I believe it. I know my DH was doing all kinds of awful stuff as a teen. He had a fascination with fire (although I think he may have been more of a pre-teen in his fire-setting days). And I believe he also liked to make bombs. All I can say is, thank goodness the military gave him a legal outlet for that with guidelines and rules or he admits he would have found himself in serious trouble. (To be clear, he never ever hurt anyone - just would go out into the desert and light junk on fire. Not arson or anything).

If you talk to him about his teen years, he readily admits to being a firebug. My brother had a thing about fire, too, as I remember (not that intense), and I can't imagine anyone more different than DH personality-wise.

DH ran away, too, and drank like crazy. So you can't say "at least he wasn't doing that." He was doing that. Plus setting things on fire.

[daylilies]

I had/have a mild fascination with fire. But since having Josh I don't have any candles with real flames anymore. When I was a teen I had candles and incense everywhere and I used to play with hot wax, make little puddles of it on my dresser and stuff. I'm sure my parents appreciated that.

[Gwenn]

So interesting. I wonder why some people are more drawn to that than others? I love watching a campfire or a fireplace, but I have no desire to play with fire and don't even like to light matches.

[missychrissy]

I'm going to venture a guess that teens are just as bad as 4 year olds in that they're rebellious, they don't listen, they're moody...but that the ways teens get back at you are a lot more extreme and can cause more long term damage than a 4 year old's?

I think for me my fears pertain to the decisions they're making and the implications their choices right now can have on them for many years to come-if not for their entire lives. Now I've said all I can say to them and they're pretty much on their own. Any kind of redirection or advice is met with eyerolls, disdain and inaction. At 16 they suddenly know everything. They're ideological and have no real world experience, but they have it all figured out. Add to that the fact that I can't really tell them who they can date or hang out with and when I see them being hurt (Bobbie) and watch her continuously return into that obviously unhealthy relationship--it's leaving me feeling helpless. Like I said earlier, it would be like watching Conner being bullied on the playground and not doing anything about it.

DH just called and said that he's on his way home, but that he has to stop and steal internet from someone at some point because he has to take his turn on some strategy game he has on his laptop. Ah, priorities.

I've heard that, too ... but I'm not sure I believe it. I know my DH was doing all kinds of awful stuff as a teen. He had a fascination with fire (although I think he may have been more of a pre-teen in his fire-setting days). And I believe he also liked to make bombs. All I can say is, thank goodness the military gave him a legal outlet for that with guidelines and rules or he admits he would have found himself in serious trouble. (To be clear, he never ever hurt anyone - just would go out into the desert and light junk on fire. Not arson or anything).

If you talk to him about his teen years, he readily admits to being a firebug. My brother had a thing about fire, too, as I remember (not that intense), and I can't imagine anyone more different than DH personality-wise.

DH ran away, too, and drank like crazy. So you can't say "at least he wasn't doing that." He was doing that. Plus setting things on fire.

I hope your dh is an exception to the rule! What's done is done though, and if Conner is a rebellious fire-setting partier we'll just have to deal with it.

[daylilies]

I don't know, but we have church services in the smaller meeting hall in the winter time. They make a fire in the fireplace behind the podium and I always get a bit mesmerized by it.
I admit I got a bit snippy at DH when he finally got home. I was washing dishes and I heard a crash in the living room. I dashed out and DH had literally thrown all his stuff on the floor and was running off to the computer to get to his other in game commitment. I said "Gee, I wish you'd rush home for *us*." He said "I made a time commitment to this group" and I exclaimed "You made a life commitment to us!" (I can't decide if that was a brilliant line or LOL worthy, I get a bit dramatic when I'm pissed) Just...he didn't even say a word to me when he came in, just threw his stuff down and had his dinner, asked how my day was finally, and then ran off to the computer. I just puttered around in the kitchen wondering how I ended up here.

[missychrissy]

I can't say my girls don't listen...it's just that their listening skills are delayed. So far, not by too long but I know other people that take years for their parents words to sink in. It's really a helpless feeling. Letting go is really the most difficult aspect of being a parent that I've yet experienced.

[missychrissy]

I don't know, but we have church services in the smaller meeting hall in the winter time. They make a fire in the fireplace behind the podium and I always get a bit mesmerized by it.
I admit I got a bit snippy at DH when he finally got home. I was washing dishes and I heard a crash in the living room. I dashed out and DH had literally thrown all his stuff on the floor and was running off to the computer to get to his other in game commitment. I said "Gee, I wish you'd rush home for *us*." He said "I made a time commitment to this group" and I exclaimed "You made a life commitment to us!" (I can't decide if that was a brilliant line or LOL worthy, I get a bit dramatic when I'm pissed) Just...he didn't even say a word to me when he came in, just threw his stuff down and had his dinner, asked how my day was finally, and then ran off to the computer. I just puttered around in the kitchen wondering how I ended up here.

I'm sorry. I'd be hurt and upset too.

[daylilies]

I imagine it's very hard to let go. A lot of times, when I'm cuddling with Josh and stroking his hair, I think "Someday, he's not going to let me do this" and it makes me sad.

[daylilies]

Can I admit something kind of silly?
Did any of you watch Gilmore Girls? That's the kind of relationship I wanted with my child. The witty banter, the way they come to each other with their problems. When Josh was a baby I used to watch that show while I was playing with him and fantasize about how great it would be.

[missychrissy]

I never watched that show but I can assure you there's a lot of witty banter here and usually a lot of laughter. And for the most part we have open communication. Sometimes I learn about things after the fact, but they usually do tell me everything.

The teen years aren't all bad, and there are definitely a lot of perks. It just seems like when it's bad, it's really bad. But not every teen runs away and not every one gets involved in an unhealthy relationship. I'm really hoping these are the worst episodes mine will experience and that they're behind us now.

[daylilies]

I just didn't count on all the resistance I kind of thought he'd look up to me and want to model good behavior. I know it'll get better someday...it's just so hard sometimes.

[Gwenn]

If it's any consolation, I predict I acted out in my 20's because I didn't in my teens. So, conversely, is it safe to expect they will learn their lessons now and not need to act out later?

[stash]

Where's Bridget? How're you feeling?

[daylilies]

If it's any consolation, I predict I acted out in my 20's because I didn't in my teens. So, conversely, is it safe to expect they will learn their lessons now and not need to act out later?

I agree with this!
Also, yeah, where's Bridget?

[Bridget]

I feel fine dammit!
I've been squatting, been nipple stimulating..I have to anyway to try and get these girls ready to nurse the right way this time around. NOTHING.
Thinking about going to wake up dbf to have sex with me.
I thought I was feeling something start last night but it turns out I just ate too much spinach and tomato pasta.
I'm aiming to have the baby this weekend. I'm going to will it out.

[daylilies]

Good to see you

[Cosmosmom]

DH just called and said that he's on his way home, but that he has to stop and steal internet from someone at some point because he has to take his turn on some strategy game he has on his laptop. Ah, priorities.

Which one? is one from FB? OMG mine drives me nuts having to check his stupid ships and planets. I have to plan everything like if we are going to go out and do something around this. He will even get up by alarm to check this thing. Should make it fine when he's home with a newborn during the day since he is used to sleeping in a few hour stints. stupid star fleet commander facebook game.

[daylilies]

No, it's called Stronghold and I think it's just a downloadable game. He had to time some kind of attack.

[Cosmosmom]

So interesting. I wonder why some people are more drawn to that than others? I love watching a campfire or a fireplace, but I have no desire to play with fire and don't even like to light matches.

We are scared of fire here. Took two educated people reading the manual over 30 minutes to light the pilot on the fireplace. We have no candles in the house and no matches. I can't even use a lighter. We did have a long clicker lighter thing for like birthday candles but that is really it.

DH will use the grill and light that....and we do have a fireplace but it's gas so I just flip the switch to turn it on.

[Cosmosmom]

I don't know, but we have church services in the smaller meeting hall in the winter time. They make a fire in the fireplace behind the podium and I always get a bit mesmerized by it.
I admit I got a bit snippy at DH when he finally got home. I was washing dishes and I heard a crash in the living room. I dashed out and DH had literally thrown all his stuff on the floor and was running off to the computer to get to his other in game commitment. I said "Gee, I wish you'd rush home for *us*." He said "I made a time commitment to this group" and I exclaimed "You made a life commitment to us!" (I can't decide if that was a brilliant line or LOL worthy, I get a bit dramatic when I'm pissed) Just...he didn't even say a word to me when he came in, just threw his stuff down and had his dinner, asked how my day was finally, and then ran off to the computer. I just puttered around in the kitchen wondering how I ended up here.

Mine checks his before work, soon as he gets home, seems to always have to do stuff with it JUST as I finish dinner and I get really irritated with that one.

But the kicker (and boy did I lay a guilt trip for this one) was when he had to drive separately to my birthday dinner knowing he was going to eat and run home to his stupid ships/planets. It was my birthday and this was the last dinner out with uncle Tom (and DH really liked him) and the second to last time we got to see him.

I don't complain about Dh too much and he's a really great husband.....but OMG I HATE this game. But he's gotten better at timing it so it doesn't ruin things and he's pretty darn close to perfect in many ways so I try to chill out about it and hope that eventually he moves on...

[Cosmosmom]

Can I admit something kind of silly?
Did any of you watch Gilmore Girls? That's the kind of relationship I wanted with my child. The witty banter, the way they come to each other with their problems. When Josh was a baby I used to watch that show while I was playing with him and fantasize about how great it would be.

Loved that show (and so did my DH! ) but yeah I don't think that it is the most realistic relationship. Later maybe but a teen...I was close to my mom but NOT that close! She was the mom and it's now that I'm friends with my mom (and MIL).