Secular Confessions

[daylilies]

I want to live somewhere warmer before I die...LOL
I do wish DH liked the ocean...he likes the mountains.

[Cosmosmom]

LOL, I suppose it's kinda where you grew up that impacts that decision. I wouldn't live in the north having been to Michigan, New Jersey and New York....I'd like to give Canada and Australia a try but my DH is too attached to England.

Oh for sure! Since we were both born in WI and have lived here all our lives, the upper midwest is just in us. I did grow up about 20 minutes from the IL border of WI though...and I just cannot stand IL. I mean downtown Chicago is all right for visiting but we are so much happier once we get back in WI. My MIL moved to a Chicago burb when she married number 3 and now she cannot wait to get back home since he wants a divorce but she is stuck there for a few years most likely.
Now Minnesota, we don't mind going there at all.

My DH really has no interest in even vacationing in another country except he probably would be ok going to Canada....let alone moving somewhere to live! We are not a very adventurous couple.

[AmeriBrit]

Well, yeah, I said New York but NYC is the only part of NY I've actually been to...so, I know that must be way different to what other parts of NY are like! Just like London is like no other part of England...of all the places I've been to in my life, NYC was the most foreign to me! I am definitely a country mouse.

[Cosmosmom]

New York as in the city? I wouldn't want to live there either.

I have to say, aside from taxes and how long the winter is, I love upstate NY. It's a gorgeous state. As far as the people go, different areas have different types and I'm sure that's true everywhere. Ithaca happens to have the nicest, coolest, hippest (and hippiest) people I've ever seen in my life. I'm not an urban girl, but I do love that city.

My sister wants to live in NYC. Blech. I would like to visit except I'm afraid of bed bugs.

I do agree though that upstate NY is very beautiful. I liked driving through PA too. And on my list of vacations would be Vermont.

NW Wisconsin is pretty nice and people here are mostly nice. And have a cute accent....I'm starting to pick it up (otherwise I have more the chicago accent). Now it's more like the movie Fargo but not quite that strong. Ya don'tcha know and through in some eh?s Oh right now we're getting some snew.

[Cosmosmom]

I want to live somewhere warmer before I die...LOL
I do wish DH liked the ocean...he likes the mountains.

It gets warm in MA....just not all year round.

At least I keep reminding myself that when's below zero here.....we will be in the 80's again in a few months (or 6 or 7 months) LOL

[AmeriBrit]

When I was little I always wanted to go to Vermont because I loved the Bob Newhart show....lol...I'd love to visit New England...actually, it would be nice to see a bit of every state...there's an English comedian called Stephen Fry that toured all the states in his black cab and his take on each state was neat to watch.

[missychrissy]

When I was little I always wanted to go to Vermont because I loved the Bob Newhart show....lol...I'd love to visit New England...actually, it would be nice to see a bit of every state...there's an English comedian called Stephen Fry that toured all the states in his black cab and his take on each state was neat to watch.

That sounds like fun! Rich & I hope to travel the country more too.

And I thought I was the only one that used to the Newhart show!!

[missychrissy]

"Hi, I'm Larry. This is my brother Daryl. This is my other brother Daryl" That never gets old!!!

[3andMe]

I have never been to New England OR the South, despite traveling a lot.

[AmeriBrit]

I'm surprised by that, Lydia. You seem like you've been everywhere! Chrissy, that's my all time favourite tv quote!

[3andMe]

I've been to NYC and camped in Pennsylvania for a week, but aside from that pretty much hardly anywhere E of the Mississippi in the US.

[daylilies]

It gets warm in MA....just not all year round.

At least I keep reminding myself that when's below zero here.....we will be in the 80's again in a few months (or 6 or 7 months) LOL

Yeah...I kinda meant warmer year round LOL. I'd like to go somewhere that doesn't go below say, 50, but also doesn't go above the 80's, doesn't get too humid and doesn't rain all the time. Is there a place like that?

[3andMe]

It's mostly like that here. That's one of the main reasons I moved here. Southern California trends toward warmer, though.

[Cosmosmom]

Yeah...I kinda meant warmer year round LOL. I'd like to go somewhere that doesn't go below say, 50, but also doesn't go above the 80's, doesn't get too humid and doesn't rain all the time. Is there a place like that?

Yes inside the house!

[Gwenn]

So much to catch up on, I know I'll forget something.

Chrissy, I honestly think that no matter how open parents are with teenagers, learning to make decisions on your own is such an important part of growing up that it's biologically programmed to distance yourself in the teenage years. Beyond a certain point you just have to accept that that is the way it is going to be. But my mom always really encouraged me to talk to her about things and that does seem to make things easier.

Jennifer, don't believe all the hype about AZ. We get a lot of bad press but it really isn't as bad as you are thinking. People aren't harassed just for looking Hispanic here. But it is true that people will make assumptions/opinions about people based on obviously having Spanish as a first language (i.e. strong accent or poor grammar). People with other languages as their first language do not deal with the same types of stereotypes.

I grew up outside of NYC and missed it like crazy after moving to the desert. Then I went back there to visit and decided I didn't like the high-pressure, high-competition culture there. I'm much more of a laid back, AZ personality. But I really miss grass and trees. I'm hoping if I do move south it will be a compromise between the two.

As for my sister, I think Chrissy mentioned she sounded paranoid. I think so too. I know she has untreated OCD - her husband told us behind her back that she uses one giant, Costco-sized bottle of antibacterial soap PER WEEK. And tries to hide it. She also makes her children shower the minute they come home from school because of germs. But my dad is worried about something else. His sister was diagnosed with both bipolar disorder and schizophrenia and my dad says all the time that my sister is too much like my aunt. I just hope that's not the case, but she honestly worries me almost every time I talk to her so I just don't know.

[Gwenn]

Gwenn I'm sorry your sister seems so self absorbed. I absolutely abhor when people say they are just kidding to cover up for something they shouldn't have said. First of all, huge offense to those of us who actually have a sense of humor and say things that are FUNNY and second of all, have the decency to apologize if you say something wrong.

LOL Bridget! And you're right.

[missychrissy]

Yeah, it was me that suggested she sounded paranoid. I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but I imagined what my thoughts and feelings would be if someone close to me told me a story like that and that's the first thing I'd think.

It's so hard for family members when you know something is off but you can't quite put your finger on it. It's too bad she won't go in for an assessment. Sadly, they're often the last ones to admit there's anything wrong with them.

[Gwenn]

The problem is, when she wants to, she sounds very together. She is a very smart girl and can rationalize anything. So she has informally chatted with a couple of psychologist acquaintances and they all end by telling her she's just fine, just worried about stuff, it's normal, etc. But I strongly suspect, particularly because none of this was in a professional setting, that because she sounds so together and because they really aren't digging too far, she's managing to convince both them and herself there isn't a problem. When just the fact that she asks them makes me suspect even more that there is.

I know I had counseling for a while and managed to go for close to a year without ever mentioning any of the real issues I was dealing with. My therapist had no clue. So I can imagine her doing the same.

[stash]

So can I gloat for a second? I just hopped on the scale and at 3.5 months (almost) I am about 7 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight with Gus. I've lost 17 pounds in 7 weeks.

Of course, I was fat when I got pregnant with Gus, but I'm encouraged that I can lose that 20 pounds, too, now.

[Gwenn]

You can definitely gloat about that.

[daylilies]

That's great, Stacy!

[AmeriBrit]

Soooo, I think we may just get to go to AR this year. My mom and dad are going to pay for Travis' ticket, so that will help. I can't find any flights under £600, so if you multiply that by 3, (lucky for us Cash is still young enough to not have to pay!) and that's just a big ol' chunk of money!

[missychrissy]

The problem is, when she wants to, she sounds very together. She is a very smart girl and can rationalize anything. So she has informally chatted with a couple of psychologist acquaintances and they all end by telling her she's just fine, just worried about stuff, it's normal, etc. But I strongly suspect, particularly because none of this was in a professional setting, that because she sounds so together and because they really aren't digging too far, she's managing to convince both them and herself there isn't a problem. When just the fact that she asks them makes me suspect even more that there is.

I know I had counseling for a while and managed to go for close to a year without ever mentioning any of the real issues I was dealing with. My therapist had no clue. So I can imagine her doing the same.

Seriously, they should know better than to even attempt that. You cannot dx your friends and family. That's psychology 101. You're too biased to do it properly. And 2nd, I totally hear ya. I did the same thing when I was in therapy after my suicide attempt. I faked it and still felt like crap inside. Not sure why but that's what I did. And I know my mom does it. When she has her appointment with the psychiatrist, it's an event. She gets all happy and dresses for the occasion. The good ones can see through it though.

So can I gloat for a second? I just hopped on the scale and at 3.5 months (almost) I am about 7 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight with Gus. I've lost 17 pounds in 7 weeks.

Of course, I was fat when I got pregnant with Gus, but I'm encouraged that I can lose that 20 pounds, too, now.

That''s really amazing Stacy! Woo hoo!!!

Soooo, I think we may just get to go to AR this year. My mom and dad are going to pay for Travis' ticket, so that will help. I can't find any flights under £600, so if you multiply that by 3, (lucky for us Cash is still young enough to not have to pay!) and that's just a big ol' chunk of money!

Yay!! I really hope you get to go, all of you!

I've been talking to Jessica some more about what happened because I feel like I need answers. She told me that what precipitated her leaving was the kids were saying racist things about people's skin color and awful things about others sexuality. Jessica loves everyone, and it is so typical of her to get more upset about another's feelings than her own. It still doesn't excuse her from walking out of school though, mad as she might have been.

She stayed away after I texted/called her because she really did fear what her father would do to her for skipping school. It wouldn't have been worse than a good talking to (maybe some raised voices) and having her phone, internet, and tv taken away as well as the fun weekend trips with her friends, but she thought skipping school was so bad that her dad might actually beat her.

Rich never has, but he is definitely more strict and intimidating than I am. In the past I've cautioned him about going to far and making the kids afraid of us. I'm not going to say I told you so to him, but I hope he remembers those discussions and really thinks about it.

[daylilies]

I have to admit I tend to cover things when I go to the therapist too, and I mostly see it as just someone to talk to about current problems, rather than uncover my deep dark secrets (I'd need to go more than once a month if I were to do that...)
I have this kneejerk reaction where every time anybody asks me how I am, I say "Fine" and turn the focus back on them! And then when they do ask me again what's been going on, I gloss over stuff. I just get this feeling people don't really want to hear what I have to say, sometimes.
I'm so sorry Jessica really though Rich was going to beat her I kind of admire that Jessica got so riled up over people being racist, etc. I mean I'm sorry it came to what it did, but it sounds like she has a big heart and just needs to learn to control her emotions.

[Cosmosmom]

People do like to hide things and try to make themselves look better or just don't want to deal with the doctors. I do the same thing. I take the herbal vitex....yet when I go in, I don't tell them on it. They have the prescriptions listed and the various vitamins but I leave that one out. And I have done searches about patients not being honest with their doctors. LOL
At least in my defense, before I decided to take it or any vitamins, I do look them in various databases (same ones the docs and pharmacists use) to make sure that I was getting a safe dose, what possible side effects there were, if there were any known interactions.....

[The10Eels]

I confess I am doing a huge happy dance! I filed my taxes last night, and my return is going to allow me to pay off all of my debts, and put some into savings as well!


I never thought I would get these ****ed things paid off!

[missychrissy]

I feel that way too Kate...that people don't really want to hear what's bothering me. I've also had a number of very lonely nights when I've felt heartbroken and didn't know who to call. I have friends that would tell me, "You should have called me!" or "You can call me any time" but I never do. I feel like that's just something people say.

[missychrissy]

I confess I am doing a huge happy dance! I filed my taxes last night, and my return is going to allow me to pay off all of my debts, and put some into savings as well!


I never thought I would get these ****ed things paid off!

Yee-haawww! That's fantastic!

[daylilies]

Awesome Ash!
Chrissy, I don't even feel like I have friends like that. If I really needed to call someone I would call my mom first. In fact I did, in October, when I left DH for a couple days. I called her first when I was going out of my mind wanting to leave and when she didn't pick up I called the woman who helped me teach that church class. She offered me to stay with her, but like you said, I felt like she was just saying that, so I declined.

[missychrissy]

I would hate to make anyone see my number on their caller ID and have them think, "oh no, it's her again!"