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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #16111

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    Quote Originally Posted by silverstar View Post
    Well, I thought we were going to see my parents this summer but it looks like finances aren't cooperating with me this year....that's what's upset me tonight...realizing we don't have enough for the flights, rental car, etc.
    This will be the longest between visits...over 2 years since I saw them!
    Oh, bummer. You must feel a bit let down. Are you homesick? Is there any way that you can go on your own or with just the little one for free?

    Chrissy, I agree that it sounds like a good plan.

    Bridge, WTG on the compliment! I'm not sure if I imagined reading before that you're curious about the Waldorf curriculum. If you look on my FB friends list, there's a friend named Sej, who's a trained Waldorf teacher. I could hook you guys up if you want to dig in a little more in that arena.

    Sooo... I confess I wussed out on my "compost police" duties. There I was rolling my eyes and shaking my head at the fact there wasn't enough room for my compostable stuff, since the bin was filled with lots of people's plastic bags and styrofoam with Chinese leftovers in it. I stayed in the kitchen and started sorting things into their right places, contemplating notes I could leave on the subject. Then I start chatting to this woman who comes into the kitchen, and she's so friendly and making herself soup. And in the middle of her chatting away, she puts her Campbell's soup can into the compost bin. I really wanted to say something. I even kind of started to motion towards the bin, but she was just so happy and friendly, talking about her son. I couldn't find the right moment to interrupt her or even change my facial expression, and even after a half-second pause, I just didn't feel like being "that guy" who goes around correcting people. I know. I know. I missed a teachable moment. You guys can feel free to throw your biodegradable items at me now.

    Just before that, I was out on a walk and wandered into a store with cheap used books in it. I was making a pile of stuff for Bodhi, when I heard this woman yell, "Don't move, dumb ass!". I was SHOCKED to find it was a mom yelling at her 2 year old girl. I yelled "Hey!" before I could think about it, and the woman didn't even notice. The little girl stomped over to me, and I just felt like she needed someone to be sweet to her at that moment, so I started reading to her from a book about animals. Her mom came over, looked at us, and then walked off, apparently perfectly happy to leave her with me. She went all the way to the opposite end of the store out of sight, and I almost had to get up and look for her because she was gone so long. When she finally came back, I took the window to get back to work. I say "Good bye" to the little girl, and the mom didn't even say anything to me. Believe me, I was trying to make eye contact. The little girl was the one who said "thank you for reading to me". Now, let me first qualify that I usually hate threads where people talk about how they saw how awful this other parent was being doing such and such, and how they felt so sad for the poor little thing, because I can't stand the slightest whiff of a smugfest, where people are basically criticizing others' parenting as a way to congratulate themselves for being such great parents. (I once went to a babywearing meeting, and during the beginning step, where they go around the room and everyone gets a couple minutes to talk about their week, 5 out of 10 moms used their time to tell horror stories about other mothers they saw out in public. I thought, "Really? That's the most important thing you've got going on with you right now?") But anyway, yeah, this is one of those moments where I will say what a lousy job that woman is doing with her child, how mad I am about, and how I wanted to just take that little girl in her fuzzy pink cat hat home with me. I'm still sad thinking about her, and regret not taking the time to get more in the woman's face about the way she demeaned her little one.
    Last edited by demigraf; 01-12-2011 at 06:59 PM.

  2. #16112

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    Myles, you are such a good storyteller!
    I hate smugness too. Very much. It's a point of contention between dbf and I because, well, he's smug and vocal about our parenting choices (most of which I'm the only one whom follows through on) where as I never even talk about things like that irl. But some parenting can't be justified no matter how you twist it. Your story made me really sad for that little girl.

    And I know what you mean about trying to find the right moment to be a environmental warrior. When my mom died, her nurse was at the house and we were all around my mom's bed when the nurse came in with the meds and asked if she could just dump them down the drain or if we wanted her to do the environmentally friendly thing of mixing them with bleach first. My dad was really upset (obviously) and just gruffly told her to get rid of them. I watched her dump them down the drain and it was killing me but talk about the wrong time to jump up and say something. I hope that wasn't a super depressing story. It's something I think about a lot and wish I'd handled differently. The moral of the story is that I won't throw anything at you.
    I do wonder why it's so difficult for your co workers to figure out the composting rules though. Could a label be put on like they do on recyle bins?

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    Chrissy, that plan sounds awesome! I hope things get straightened out and settled, and that it was a ONE time only thing. I am sorry it even happened once.


    I confess thanks to Bridgets tip about the baking soda/ACV I have yet to use shampoo in 2011!

    quick question on that though... What do you keep your baking soda in? Just the box it comes in or....? I just have the box sitting on the edge of the tub, but beings it is cardboard I think about water from the shower getting on the box, etc....

  4. #16114

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    Ash, too funny, I was going to ask the same question! My cardboard box is soaking through! LOL
    I don't do the baking soda/vinegar thing every time, but I like it when I do!
    I see a lot of smug stories but I feel so bad when I see parents mistreating their kids. It makes me more aware of how I treat Josh, if I'm trying to get him through a store, or denying him a milk box (which he never finishes anymore, so I put an end to buying them at Starbucks) I have really tried to hear him out more often, even if I know exactly what he's going to say (such as arguing with me about turning off the tv, or whatever) but in doing so, I notice how often DH is quick to cut him off.
    Also one thing I am very impatient with is repeating myself. I try to give him plenty of warning if there's something I'd like him to do, such as take his boots of when he gets inside. So I remind him as he's going up the steps, then as he's opening the door, and stepping inside...and he nods and says okay...and still tears across the house with his boots on. That's when I feel like I have to yell to be heard and that makes me so angry that I can't seem to get through to him without raising my voice.
    Sorry for the tangent...

  5. #16115

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    I keep an empty shampoo bottle filled with the baking soda/water solution and just shake it up really well before I pour it on my head. Although I just threw that away because it was getting crusty so I now have a coffee mug filled with baking soda on my counter and I just pour some in my hand before I hop in.

  6. #16116
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    So the Mormons came to my house today. I know a lot of people don't like the door-to-door religion sales, but these guys are always so nice! I invited them in and offered them a drink, I think they were really surprised, which is kinda sad. But it was -18 and I wasn't about to stand there with my door open and they looked really cold. So the conversation went a little something like this:
    guy: has anyone been by to talk to you before?
    me: not here, but they did in my home town a lot. I'm not really interested.
    guy: do you believe in God?
    me: no, I'm an atheist.
    both guys:

    But they stayed for a while, met the kiddos and talked and they said if I ever needed any help around the house to give them a call, they were always looking for service opportunities. As they were leaving I told them to stay warm and that they were brave for being out when it's so cold. The one guy said "yeah, or crazy!" and I said, "hey, not crazy. Devoted!" and they laughed and the one guy said "hey, yeah! That's right! Good one!" They didn't try to sell me on anything and didn't give me any reading material, they totally respected that I wasn't interested. It was just a really nice visit and sort of a reminder that not all religious people are out there to sit and debate and convert.

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    Okay, so I know this is petty, but it's annoying me. My sister (the same one who will call and talk to me about her daughter for literally for 7 hours without asking me how I am doing) joined facebook yesterday. I noticed it because of an item on my feed saying my brother was FB friends with her. But she hadn't sent me a request. So I waited to see if/when she would ... she just sent it now, and already has 10 other FB friends including my brother's girlfriend and random people from high school that she never talks to any more. I'm a little offended.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  8. #16118
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    Now she's FB chatting to me about her daughter!
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Sorry for the long multi-quote response, but I wanted to say something in every post I read and this just seems easiest!

    Quote Originally Posted by silverstar View Post
    Well, I thought we were going to see my parents this summer but it looks like finances aren't cooperating with me this year....that's what's upset me tonight...realizing we don't have enough for the flights, rental car, etc.
    This will be the longest between visits...over 2 years since I saw them!
    I'm so sorry. I home something works out so you can see them this summer.

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Sooo... I confess I wussed out on my "compost police" duties. There I was rolling my eyes and shaking my head at the fact there wasn't enough room for my compostable stuff, since the bin was filled with lots of people's plastic bags and styrofoam with Chinese leftovers in it. I stayed in the kitchen and started sorting things into their right places, contemplating notes I could leave on the subject. Then I start chatting to this woman who comes into the kitchen, and she's so friendly and making herself soup. And in the middle of her chatting away, she puts her Campbell's soup can into the compost bin. I really wanted to say something. I even kind of started to motion towards the bin, but she was just so happy and friendly, talking about her son. I couldn't find the right moment to interrupt her or even change my facial expression, and even after a half-second pause, I just didn't feel like being "that guy" who goes around correcting people. I know. I know. I missed a teachable moment. You guys can feel free to throw your biodegradable items at me now.

    Just before that, I was out on a walk and wandered into a store with cheap used books in it. I was making a pile of stuff for Bodhi, when I heard this woman yell, "Don't move, dumb ass!". I was SHOCKED to find it was a mom yelling at her 2 year old girl. I yelled "Hey!" before I could think about it, and the woman didn't even notice. The little girl stomped over to me, and I just felt like she needed someone to be sweet to her at that moment, so I started reading to her from a book about animals. Her mom came over, looked at us, and then walked off, apparently perfectly happy to leave her with me. She went all the way to the opposite end of the store out of sight, and I almost had to get up and look for her because she was gone so long. When she finally came back, I took the window to get back to work. I say "Good bye" to the little girl, and the mom didn't even say anything to me. Believe me, I was trying to make eye contact. The little girl was the one who said "thank you for reading to me". Now, let me first qualify that I usually hate threads where people talk about how they saw how awful this other parent was being doing such and such, and how they felt so sad for the poor little thing, because I can't stand the slightest whiff of a smugfest, where people are basically criticizing others' parenting as a way to congratulate themselves for being such great parents. (I once went to a babywearing meeting, and during the beginning step, where they go around the room and everyone gets a couple minutes to talk about their week, 5 out of 10 moms used their time to tell horror stories about other mothers they saw out in public. I thought, "Really? That's the most important thing you've got going on with you right now?") But anyway, yeah, this is one of those moments where I will say what a lousy job that woman is doing with her child, how mad I am about, and how I wanted to just take that little girl in her fuzzy pink cat hat home with me. I'm still sad thinking about her, and regret not taking the time to get more in the woman's face about the way she demeaned her little one.
    No throwing of biodegradables from me! I accidentally threw a chip bag into a biodegradable bin at Ithaca college and it was too deep for me to reach in and grab it. It's a weird thing to think about, but it does come up in my thoughts once in a while.

    I get so exasperated with how lazy people are about recycling. I'd be on your team there for sure. I mean, the compost bins are right there. How hard is it?

    And as for the self-righteous smug stories, I totally hear you there. I get that feeling a lot when I read them too...but your story also made me sad for that little girl. You didn't tell it in a way that came across like you thought you were better, just that you felt so much for that little girl. Let's just hope that mom was having a particularly bad day. I mean, the girl said thank you for reading to her so she must have learned manners somewhere.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  10. #16120
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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    And I know what you mean about trying to find the right moment to be a environmental warrior. When my mom died, her nurse was at the house and we were all around my mom's bed when the nurse came in with the meds and asked if she could just dump them down the drain or if we wanted her to do the environmentally friendly thing of mixing them with bleach first. My dad was really upset (obviously) and just gruffly told her to get rid of them. I watched her dump them down the drain and it was killing me but talk about the wrong time to jump up and say something. I hope that wasn't a super depressing story. It's something I think about a lot and wish I'd handled differently. The moral of the story is that I won't throw anything at you.
    I do wonder why it's so difficult for your co workers to figure out the composting rules though. Could a label be put on like they do on recyle bins?
    I am a bit surprised she even asked. Can't the environmentally friendly way just be the only way they do it? Then they won't have to ask grieving family members.

    Quote Originally Posted by The10Eels View Post
    quick question on that though... What do you keep your baking soda in? Just the box it comes in or....? I just have the box sitting on the edge of the tub, but beings it is cardboard I think about water from the shower getting on the box, etc....
    I used shampoo for the first time this morning (in 2011). I've been doing the baking soda/acv thing too. I keep my baking soda in a travel soap dish and just add shower water to it till it reaches the consistency I like. The bottom stays dry so the next time I just add more water and use like that till the container is empty.

    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I see a lot of smug stories but I feel so bad when I see parents mistreating their kids. It makes me more aware of how I treat Josh, if I'm trying to get him through a store, or denying him a milk box (which he never finishes anymore, so I put an end to buying them at Starbucks) I have really tried to hear him out more often, even if I know exactly what he's going to say (such as arguing with me about turning off the tv, or whatever) but in doing so, I notice how often DH is quick to cut him off.
    Also one thing I am very impatient with is repeating myself. I try to give him plenty of warning if there's something I'd like him to do, such as take his boots of when he gets inside. So I remind him as he's going up the steps, then as he's opening the door, and stepping inside...and he nods and says okay...and still tears across the house with his boots on. That's when I feel like I have to yell to be heard and that makes me so angry that I can't seem to get through to him without raising my voice.
    Sorry for the tangent...
    I've found myself doing that too...getting frustrated about having to repeat myself to the point where I'm yelling. It's actually something Jess brought up that bothers her. Talk about mommy guilt. I don't do it often, but the times I did it obviously hurt her. I'm not saying that to make you feel bad, but more like a "if I had it to do over again..." kinda thing. It's not easy, and I didn't promise I would never again yell if I was stressed, but I won't yell at her. That is going to be one of the things I work on when I get us into counseling...managing stress better.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bean View Post
    So the Mormons came to my house today. I know a lot of people don't like the door-to-door religion sales, but these guys are always so nice! I invited them in and offered them a drink, I think they were really surprised, which is kinda sad. But it was -18 and I wasn't about to stand there with my door open and they looked really cold. So the conversation went a little something like this:
    guy: has anyone been by to talk to you before?
    me: not here, but they did in my home town a lot. I'm not really interested.
    guy: do you believe in God?
    me: no, I'm an atheist.
    both guys:

    But they stayed for a while, met the kiddos and talked and they said if I ever needed any help around the house to give them a call, they were always looking for service opportunities. As they were leaving I told them to stay warm and that they were brave for being out when it's so cold. The one guy said "yeah, or crazy!" and I said, "hey, not crazy. Devoted!" and they laughed and the one guy said "hey, yeah! That's right! Good one!" They didn't try to sell me on anything and didn't give me any reading material, they totally respected that I wasn't interested. It was just a really nice visit and sort of a reminder that not all religious people are out there to sit and debate and convert.
    Can I just say you're awesome and sweet? Wow.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Okay, so I know this is petty, but it's annoying me. My sister (the same one who will call and talk to me about her daughter for literally for 7 hours without asking me how I am doing) joined facebook yesterday. I noticed it because of an item on my feed saying my brother was FB friends with her. But she hadn't sent me a request. So I waited to see if/when she would ... she just sent it now, and already has 10 other FB friends including my brother's girlfriend and random people from high school that she never talks to any more. I'm a little offended.
    I'd be bothered too. Do you think she did it as a passive aggressive thing?

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  11. #16121
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    Another Jessica update-I had to take her to the walk-in for her sore throat and they asked about her medicine. I have let her have the bottle, so I wasn't sure if she was taking it (I'd forgotten about it) and she assured me she only missed when she was away. I said, "So you didn't plan on running away that morning?" and she said no. She said she went into school and the kids there were being buttheads and saying stuff and that they didn't know when to shut up. She wouldn't give details, so I'm concerned there may be bullying going on? I have to talk to her school tomorrow because I don't want a repeat. We talked about who is there that she could go to if/when it happens again and she agreed that if she'd looked that person up Tuesday morning it would have been a lot better for everybody.

    Now, I'm not going to be delusional and think that I'm vindicated and have been a perfect parent, but I can't help but feel relieved that 1) I didn't notice anything wrong that morning in the car because there wasn't anything wrong and 2) Me and Rich didn't trigger her need to run away. I haven't said anything to her, but I've felt a deep hurt inside that she felt her life here was so bad that she'd be better off sleeping in a camper. Knowing that it was an incident at school that precipitated her running away takes that hurt away. But like I said, I'm not thinking we're perfect or didn't play a part in what may have led up to that.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Another Jessica update-I had to take her to the walk-in for her sore throat and they asked about her medicine. I have let her have the bottle, so I wasn't sure if she was taking it (I'd forgotten about it) and she assured me she only missed when she was away. I said, "So you didn't plan on running away that morning?" and she said no. She said she went into school and the kids there were being buttheads and saying stuff and that they didn't know when to shut up. She wouldn't give details, so I'm concerned there may be bullying going on? I have to talk to her school tomorrow because I don't want a repeat. We talked about who is there that she could go to if/when it happens again and she agreed that if she'd looked that person up Tuesday morning it would have been a lot better for everybody.

    Now, I'm not going to be delusional and think that I'm vindicated and have been a perfect parent, but I can't help but feel relieved that 1) I didn't notice anything wrong that morning in the car because there wasn't anything wrong and 2) Me and Rich didn't trigger her need to run away. I haven't said anything to her, but I've felt a deep hurt inside that she felt her life here was so bad that she'd be better off sleeping in a camper. Knowing that it was an incident at school that precipitated her running away takes that hurt away. But like I said, I'm not thinking we're perfect or didn't play a part in what may have led up to that.
    That makes sense. From what you have posted about your relationship with your girls, it would have surprised me if she ran away because of something you did.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  13. #16123

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Another Jessica update-I had to take her to the walk-in for her sore throat and they asked about her medicine. I have let her have the bottle, so I wasn't sure if she was taking it (I'd forgotten about it) and she assured me she only missed when she was away. I said, "So you didn't plan on running away that morning?" and she said no. She said she went into school and the kids there were being buttheads and saying stuff and that they didn't know when to shut up. She wouldn't give details, so I'm concerned there may be bullying going on? I have to talk to her school tomorrow because I don't want a repeat. We talked about who is there that she could go to if/when it happens again and she agreed that if she'd looked that person up Tuesday morning it would have been a lot better for everybody.

    Now, I'm not going to be delusional and think that I'm vindicated and have been a perfect parent, but I can't help but feel relieved that 1) I didn't notice anything wrong that morning in the car because there wasn't anything wrong and 2) Me and Rich didn't trigger her need to run away. I haven't said anything to her, but I've felt a deep hurt inside that she felt her life here was so bad that she'd be better off sleeping in a camper. Knowing that it was an incident at school that precipitated her running away takes that hurt away. But like I said, I'm not thinking we're perfect or didn't play a part in what may have led up to that.
    I would have the exact same feelings of vindication, Chrissy. And yet, I know it must hurt you so much to think about your daughter being bullied. I hope you feel there's a move you can make to ease her suffering. It's easy to feel helpless in your shoes.

    Bridge, what a surreal memory to have of such an important day. Thank you for sharing it. No one could have expected you to pick that battle at that moment.

    Gwenn, I hope your sister eventually made it a two-way conversation tonight. She sounds a tad bit self-absorbed.

    Bean, you so nice!

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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Gwenn, I hope your sister eventually made it a two-way conversation tonight. She sounds a tad bit self-absorbed.
    She did, actually. We had a nice conversation for the most part.

    Although I told her about my potentially moving to Georgia, and she mentioned some negative experiences she has had in the south traveling with her husband (her DH is Japanese and so is his friend who was with them) and being followed by the police for no reason (the police eventually gave up as they were doing nothing wrong). After discussing the fact that I would likely move there, she said she hoped to never visit the south again. So I asked if that meant she would never visit me, and she said "umm...maybe I'll visit by myself and not bring the kids." So she won't allow her teenage children to visit me if I move South. Good to know.

    I understand that she had a bad experience, and I understand her reaction, but honestly is it so bad that she feels she could never go there or bring her children there to visit her sister/their aunt? She did eventually say she was kidding, but I really don't think she was. It was more of covering up an honest reaction.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 01-13-2011 at 01:46 AM.
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    I spent a good two hours with a very close friend tonight who is grieving hardcore.

    She just found out today that one of her really good friends of 15+ years passed away this weekend, and the family has closed the services and won't tell anyone what happened. Because of this, and the fact that the family is uber catholic we all know it was suicide.

    The last time she lost a close friend, it was Matthew Shepard...

    I don't know what I can say to her, but am honored that she called me to be there with her when she needed someone.

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    Aw, they're aren't all that stereotypically bad in the south, Gwenn.

    Bean, you are a nice lady; I should take a leaf out of your book. Some times, I am too mean to the JW's that come through.

    I was thinking of just going on my own to see my parents this year; we might have enough saved up for us all to go but it would be a stretch. I mentioned it to my husband (me going on my own) and he looked at me as if I said the most horrible thing in the world...ugh!

  17. #16127

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    Gwenn I'm sorry your sister seems so self absorbed. I absolutely abhor when people say they are just kidding to cover up for something they shouldn't have said. First of all, huge offense to those of us who actually have a sense of humor and say things that are FUNNY and second of all, have the decency to apologize if you say something wrong.

    Chrissy, I can imagine that is a huge relief to you. I wondered myself what you could have possibly done because you seem so honest and open and available to your children. But teenage angst is sometimes something even they can't wrap their heads around, much less trying to explain it to someone else. Have you talked to her about seeing a counselor? Is she open to that? I know I'd have loved to have a non involved person to talk to about that things I struggled with at that age.
    How is she feeling today? How are you feeling today. I imagine you still have a lot of anxiety just thinking about the situation. Shoot, I'm still having anxiety over it and I've never even met you guys.

    Ash, I'm sorry for your friend. I'm glad she has you.

  18. #16128

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    I'm so sorry to hear that, Ash, how terrible.
    When I was teaching that neighboring faiths class we had two Mormons come and they were really great! They were just informative and professional--it made me kind of wish I had a cause, LOL
    I'm glad Jessica's running away was prompted by school and not (at least not totally) by you guys. I thought as much--you seem like the type of mom your kids can come to with anything.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    She did, actually. We had a nice conversation for the most part.

    Although I told her about my potentially moving to Georgia, and she mentioned some negative experiences she has had in the south traveling with her husband (her DH is Japanese and so is his friend who was with them) and being followed by the police for no reason (the police eventually gave up as they were doing nothing wrong). After discussing the fact that I would likely move there, she said she hoped to never visit the south again. So I asked if that meant she would never visit me, and she said "umm...maybe I'll visit by myself and not bring the kids." So she won't allow her teenage children to visit me if I move South. Good to know.

    I understand that she had a bad experience, and I understand her reaction, but honestly is it so bad that she feels she could never go there or bring her children there to visit her sister/their aunt? She did eventually say she was kidding, but I really don't think she was. It was more of covering up an honest reaction.
    I know I don't know her, but it sounds like she's paranoid. Do you know if they really were followed around by the police 'for no reason'? No matter who it is, I always have doubts when I hear stories like that.

    As for not letting her kids come visit you, that is crazy paranoid thinking. What is it that she's afraid will happen to them?

    Quote Originally Posted by silverstar View Post
    I was thinking of just going on my own to see my parents this year; we might have enough saved up for us all to go but it would be a stretch. I mentioned it to my husband (me going on my own) and he looked at me as if I said the most horrible thing in the world...ugh!
    It's not horrible you want to see your family. Maybe the look was a reflection of his fear of being on his own with the kids?

    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    Chrissy, I can imagine that is a huge relief to you. I wondered myself what you could have possibly done because you seem so honest and open and available to your children. But teenage angst is sometimes something even they can't wrap their heads around, much less trying to explain it to someone else. Have you talked to her about seeing a counselor? Is she open to that? I know I'd have loved to have a non involved person to talk to about that things I struggled with at that age.
    How is she feeling today? How are you feeling today. I imagine you still have a lot of anxiety just thinking about the situation. Shoot, I'm still having anxiety over it and I've never even met you guys.

    Ash, I'm sorry for your friend. I'm glad she has you.
    Me too Ashley. I hate when people seem to have more than their share of suffering. I don't know how some people cope. And suicide has to be about one of the most painful ways to lose someone. I guess no way is easy, but with suicide many survivors feel guilt as well as the grief and loss.

    Bridget, she's doing ok. She's still feeling poorly because she has some throat thing going on. The office test for strep was negative but the dr was nearly 100% sure that the culture today will show it so she started her on antibiotics last night. Mentally, she's nearly herself but a little quiet. She hasn't said she was sorry and even said she didn't really think about us and what we were going through when she was gone, she was just mad and wanted to get away. That concerns me because I'm afraid if she doesn't have any regret about it, she may do it again if/when she gets mad.

    She hasn't indicated yah or nah about seeing a counselor but I'm sure she'll go along with it. I think if she objected she would have spoke up and protested because we've been talking about it.

    I'm so tired. I overslept and was 20 minutes late to work. I also totally wiped someones drive and when I went to transfer their data back on I didn't find their My Documents folder on my backup. I've never done that and I feel like ****.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    you seem like the type of mom your kids can come to with anything.
    thanks, I try to be and I tell them all the time that they can tell me anything. Unfortunately, adolescent girls (especially Jessica) have secrets and try to deal with everything on their own. I don't know why she's like that but she always has been.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    I think teens like to think they can solve everything on their own sometimes!

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    You're right, they do. And it's incredibly hard as a parent to be left out of the loop.

    That's something else that came up while Rich and I stayed awake waiting for her all night...we thought it was hard when Bobbie had colic and we didn't get a full nights sleep for 8 months. We thought it was hard having 2 in diapers, crawling and getting into everything and demanding our attention every second of our waking day. We thought it was hard when Bobbie and Jessica used permanent black marker on their freshly painted playroom. Those were the easy days by far.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    It's not horrible you want to see your family. Maybe the look was a reflection of his fear of being on his own with the kids?
    Thanks, Chrissy-I'm sure it was; I think I just mistook what he said because I was so upset while we were talking about it that I just took out all my frustration on him.

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    I am both relieved that Jessica's running away had more to do with school and kind of upset that she may have been a victim of bullying. I really despise bullying, always have, I used to get into it with bullies when I was young. They didn't bother me even though I was nerdy and really smart and wore glasses because.....well, my family is kind of crazy LOL and they knew that I was pretty tough and mean and a little bit crazy like me so no one messed with me much at all.

    So sorry to hear about your friend Ashley, this must be so difficult for her.

    And Gwenn, your sister seems like a piece of work. I can't believe she would say she wouldn't visit you in GA, I despise stereotypes as much as I despise bullying. All people in the south aren't raving rampant racists. I actually have yet to meet someone who is blatantly racist face to face (now working for the bank I did come across a few people who called me a black or N-word something that rhymes with a witch, and that could be construed as racists and probably was but racist attitudes make me pity people and usually the rants were pretty funny since they would get really upset that they weren't making me mad and go on and on and it was just ridiculous, oddly enough though those people weren't in GA, they were in SC).

    And Bean, that was really nice of you with the Mormons. I find they are usually nice and cordial too when they come to the house. My mom who is a very evangelical Christian always talks to them and JWs but she thinks the Mormon's have blacklisted her because they no longer come to her house after she invited them in and proceeded to have a Bible study with them and question everything about what they believed. The JWs didn't visit her for about 10 years until recently. Some of them got pretty upset with her when I was in high school for insinuating that they were not Christians (not something I condone BTW for lurkers). But she was pretty excited that they came a few months ago and one was an old co-worker of hers so she got to question him about JW beliefs as well. She frequently has Mormons and JWs go to every house on her street except hers so I am inclined to believe that she is blacklisted as well as a lost cause.

    Erin

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    Quote Originally Posted by silverstar View Post
    Thanks, Chrissy-I'm sure it was; I think I just mistook what he said because I was so upset while we were talking about it that I just took out all my frustration on him.
    I've definitely been there with my husband.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    . She's still feeling poorly because she has some throat thing going on. The office test for strep was negative but the dr was nearly 100% sure that the culture today will show it so she started her on antibiotics last night. Mentally, she's nearly herself but a little quiet. She hasn't said she was sorry and even said she didn't really think about us and what we were going through when she was gone, she was just mad and wanted to get away. That concerns me because I'm afraid if she doesn't have any regret about it, she may do it again if/when she gets mad.

    She hasn't indicated yah or nah about seeing a counselor but I'm sure she'll go along with it. I think if she objected she would have spoke up and protested because we've been talking about it..
    Chrissy, when I pulled my somewhat similar stunt, I truly was NOT thinking about my parents at the time. I did feel sort of bad and guilty but honestly at the time I think I was sort of proud of myself for my little adventure and doing something different and something so NOT me. It was so grownup going off with this guy who was 22 (I was 18) and I just graduated from high school....I thought he was so cool (and luckily for me actually a nice guy) and ate chinese for the first time and listened to cool music like Ani DiFranco and watched some foreign films....
    It wasn't until at least a few years later that I realized it was horrible and awful and I truly felt badly for it. And now 13-14 years later I realize how lucky I was that it turned out ok and I feel ashamed and embarrassed about being such an idiot.
    I like to try to blame it on the phen-fen I took for the year prior...that did seem like it might have changed my personality. But I don't know if I can or not. Makes me feel better than just thinking I was stupid.
    Part of it was just feeling kind of lost and being in transition. I was supposed to go to Omaha and Creighton University where I was going to become a pharmacist. My stupid high school counselor didn't send my transcipts like she was supposed to (I'm very on top of this type of stuff) and so I didn't get them in on time to quality for scholarships that I needed. Screwed me up royally to have my plans messed up and I just didn't want to go to the local school where everyone from high school was mostly going and I didn't want to stay at home.

    My parents irritated me sometimes but it was NEVER about them. They are great and understanding and would do anything for us. I was close to them and still am. They sent me to France in high school and just two months before my running off, they paid for me to go with orchestra to NYC and play at Carnegie Hall and on top of it, they brought themselves and my sister with to see it. I didn't have a curfew in high school, never got in trouble, got good grades and was involved in activities. My parents are liberal and not religious or anything. Yet teens just do not always want to talk to their parents.....there are still things that I never told mom about and I talk to her almost everyday and am a grown woman with my own house. Instead I would just tell mom a lot of stuff about my friends so she thought she was highly informed. Because of course I knew everything and could handle myself.

    Someday Jess will look back and think OMG, how could I do that and what was I think and it will hit her how much she upset all of you and just how lucky she was that nothing bad happened.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    Thanks Jennifer

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    Gwenn, you should tell your sister that I would be more afraid of going to AZ than the south (well not me since I'm very white looking...so much my bff calls me casper)...but more my bff who is hispanic or her husband who is Indian and not a US citizen yet. I would be more worried about them being followed or harassed after all that immigration stuff has been in the news.

    I personally wouldn't want to live in the south myself but I would definitely visit there again. We drove through GA on the way to Disney.....only problem we had was trying to find a Subway to have lunch when all we saw were Waffle Houses. Oh and we couldn't believe the number of cars just left sitting on the side of the freeway.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    I personally wouldn't want to live in the south myself but I would definitely visit there again. We drove through GA on the way to Disney.....only problem we had was trying to find a Subway to have lunch when all we saw were Waffle Houses. Oh and we couldn't believe the number of cars just left sitting on the side of the freeway.
    LOL, I suppose it's kinda where you grew up that impacts that decision. I wouldn't live in the north having been to Michigan, New Jersey and New York....I'd like to give Canada and Australia a try but my DH is too attached to England.

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    New York as in the city? I wouldn't want to live there either.

    I have to say, aside from taxes and how long the winter is, I love upstate NY. It's a gorgeous state. As far as the people go, different areas have different types and I'm sure that's true everywhere. Ithaca happens to have the nicest, coolest, hippest (and hippiest) people I've ever seen in my life. I'm not an urban girl, but I do love that city.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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