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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #16081
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    Oh, Chrissy, I am so relieved. I've been worried all day and couldn't check APA at work. You can deal with consequences later - right now she is home and she is loved and you are grateful, and it's good she knows that.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  2. #16082
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    She's definitely loved. If she doesn't realize that, then nothing can make her see it. I think we're starting to irritate her with it actually. She says not, but she's done with hugs and kisses.

    We've all been sleeping on and off all afternoon. I still cry when I think of the bad things I was fearing, but I'll get over it.

    Our county police did stop a little bit ago and asked about the other missing girl, Stephanie. Jesi claims she cannot understand why Stephanie would have said she was with us because they had a huge fight about 3 days prior to that-bad enough that it would have come to blows if a teacher wasn't right there. Jesi claims she hasn't seen Stephanie at ll through this whole thing. She's been missing since Saturday and this is her 7th runaway attempt.

    When that officer was here I kept thinking of Stephanie's mother and I couldn't help but have the tears come. I honestly don't know how I'd be at this point because I wasn't doing so well after just 24 hours. That poor woman.

    Now Jess has a sore throat-and it's real. Her lymph nodes are swollen and her throat is raw. So no school tomorrow. I did ask her, "How do we know you'll be home sick and not running around with Hunter all day?" Staying home from work with her isn't really an option for either of us either. I guess we have no choice but to trust she'll be home when we get here.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  3. #16083
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    If I were you, I'd be tempted to take her to work with you with a pillow and a blanket and something to keep her occupied. My dad did that with me a few times when I was a little girl and my mom couldn't stay home with me. Probably wouldn't do any good, though, in your case.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  4. #16084

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    Call home every hour?

  5. #16085

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    Why can't you stay home with her? Do you have a relative who can stay the day with her? Check out the latitude app. I would seriously require that my kid keep it turned on.



  6. #16086

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    Oh my god. Bridget is about to have a baby any day. How do you feel? Excited for your homebirth?



  7. #16087
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    Quote Originally Posted by stash View Post
    Why can't you stay home with her? Do you have a relative who can stay the day with her? Check out the latitude app. I would seriously require that my kid keep it turned on.
    Her current phone isn't capable of anything like that, it's just a generic phone that has a camera on it. But the next ones absolutely will have gps tracking capabilities on them. We're due for renewal soon.

    Rich can't take off because he doesn't get paid if he's not at work, and I'm getting low on what time I have available to take off. I do have the time now, but I worry about if/when the other kids get sick and when it comes time to sign mortgage papers and move, etc. Although, the house stuff has definitely taken a distant back seat with everything that's recently happened.

    I'm also worried about smothering her. I know it's probably irrational and not healthy, but I do have the fear that if I do something wrong, she'll run again. I also know I have to get over that because I can't let her have control of the house, but that's how I feel right now.

    Quote Originally Posted by stash View Post
    Oh my god. Bridget is about to have a baby any day. How do you feel? Excited for your homebirth?
    I'm excited for you Bridget! We need happy news here now!! From where I sit, you've had the shortest pregnancy on record, but that's easy to say since I'm not the pregnant one.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  8. #16088

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    I did something really stupid when I was a teenager. I told my mom my friend's brother was picking me up to take me to the mall to meet my friend there. In reality the guy was someone I met online. Yeahhh...don't even tell me all the ways THAT could have gone wrong. She never would have found out if I hadn't blabbed about it in an e mail and then for some reason printed out the e mail and left it out. I don't remember what the punishment was, though...
    I had a really wacky dream last night about meeting Elphaba (the wicked witch of the west) from the musical Wicked in full costume and her telling me she loved me. Then I had a dream that I told DH about the dream. LOL

  9. #16089
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    I know we've all done crazy stuff as teenagers and on one level I think we know we put our parents through hell, but honestly...I personally had no clue how bad it could be from the parent's perspective. I cannot even think about the parents that have to suffer for more than a day with not knowing where their child is. She's 16, but she's still just a little girl...at least to me, her father, and the officer that investigated her disappearance.

    My sister in law is going over to pick Jessica up for me. I was sitting here feeling anxious about it and I sent her a text asking if she'd do me a huge favor. It's snowing and blowing here, and she hates driving in the snow so much that she called in to work, but she's going to get Jess for me. I owe her bigtime.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  10. #16090

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    I'm so glad she's home safe, Chrissy. I wouldn't be able to let her go.

  11. #16091

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    Have they found the other girl yet?

  12. #16092

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    I'm glad you have a good solution. I ran away when I was fourteen, because of bullying at school and my parents simply not listening to my pleas for help. Ended up in new york city, of all places. Little money, no friends, ended up at my grandmother's house a week later. My parents did nothing different when I returned... stuck me back in the same school, same problems, punished me like nuts. I fled to ny dad's. They punished me. The rest of my teenagehood was terrible. Drugs, replacing lack of love with sex with random boys... not trying to scare you but DO get to the bottom of this and help her... I know you will.



  13. #16093

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    Chrissy. My brother ran away for about 2 weeks when he was in highschool and I never saw my mom so stressed out and sad. Ever. It was terrible. I feel for you.

    I'm really ready to meet my baby. I want to know if it's a boy or a girl. I want to snuggle my THREE children together.
    I wish dbf would stop putting negative thoughts in my head about the homebirth. I know he's nervous but I could use a little support too.
    I don't know if I even told you guys that if it's a boy we're naming him Sawyer and if it's a girl we're between Coral and Isabella.

    Sawyer was my idea and I was shocked when dbf said yes, that he liked it. Later he told me he thought Sawyer was a nice compromise since I said no to Huckleberry. Huckle.Berry. It still makes me guffaw every time I think of it.

    Huckleberry. I wish I was kidding.

  14. #16094
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    Quote Originally Posted by stephmama View Post
    Have they found the other girl yet?
    No.

    Quote Originally Posted by stash View Post
    I'm glad you have a good solution. I ran away when I was fourteen, because of bullying at school and my parents simply not listening to my pleas for help. Ended up in new york city, of all places. Little money, no friends, ended up at my grandmother's house a week later. My parents did nothing different when I returned... stuck me back in the same school, same problems, punished me like nuts. I fled to ny dad's. They punished me. The rest of my teenagehood was terrible. Drugs, replacing lack of love with sex with random boys... not trying to scare you but DO get to the bottom of this and help her... I know you will.
    How awful Stacy. That's exactly the thing I want to avoid. The officer gave us some recommendations for mediators and family services centers around the Ithaca area. I'm going to try to get us in one of those. I want her to have her own counselor as well. That is exactly the thing I want to avoid.

    I thought we had an open, communicative relationship. I've never 'freaked' on them no matter what they've said to me...but for whatever reason she's kept some unhappiness to herself. I had no clue and even looking back I can't think of any red flags that something was wrong. I didn't even pick up on anything that morning, and I drove her to school that day.

    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    Chrissy. My brother ran away for about 2 weeks when he was in highschool and I never saw my mom so stressed out and sad. Ever. It was terrible. I feel for you.

    I'm really ready to meet my baby. I want to know if it's a boy or a girl. I want to snuggle my THREE children together.
    I wish dbf would stop putting negative thoughts in my head about the homebirth. I know he's nervous but I could use a little support too.
    I don't know if I even told you guys that if it's a boy we're naming him Sawyer and if it's a girl we're between Coral and Isabella.

    Sawyer was my idea and I was shocked when dbf said yes, that he liked it. Later he told me he thought Sawyer was a nice compromise since I said no to Huckleberry. Huckle.Berry. It still makes me guffaw every time I think of it.

    Huckleberry. I wish I was kidding.
    Huckleberry. oh lordie!! "I'm your huckleberry" (Tombstone anyone?)

    2 weeks. Your poor momma.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  15. #16095

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    Oh yeah, I wasn't trying to make excuses for her or act like it was okay, what she did. Just wanted to share a dumb story.
    Bridget, I can't believe you're so close.
    Huckleberry makes me think of the song Moon River ("huckleberry friend"), which I like, but can't imagine naming someone that.

  16. #16096
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Oh yeah, I wasn't trying to make excuses for her or act like it was okay, what she did. Just wanted to share a dumb story.
    Oh I didn't take it like that at all. I know at some point in the future we'll look back at this crazy episode of Jess's and it won't be such a big deal. I know she's not the first teen that's taken off...I'm just amazed at the depth of my own fear and anguish that I felt during that time when we didn't know what happened. I mean, you think you know how it would be, but really...you don't. It's worse. At least that's my own personal experience. My fear and worry was far greater than I imagined it would be when I'd think about what would happen if one of my kids were missing.

    I sat on the loveseat for hours just shaking uncontrollably. I couldn't stop it. Sydney told me yesterday that that freaked her out worse than anything.
    Last edited by missychrissy; 01-12-2011 at 08:57 AM.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  17. #16097
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    I also took off on my dad. He was able to find me pretty easy...I simply didn't take the bus home from school and instead walked to my friend's house on a Friday. I don't know why I thought I'd get away with that. Dad came home from work and when I wasn't home he went downtown to look for me. He found one of my friends that knew I was over at a neighboring town where there was a teen dance hall (a place I wasn't allowed to go to because there was a lot of drugs there) and he came over and got me. Imagine my surprise when I was dancing along with my friends and then suddenly had my arm grabbed and I turned to see my dad standing there.

    I did think about that and about how he must have felt when I left home at 16 to be with Rich. Payback maybe. At least Dad knew where I was though.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  18. #16098
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    Chrissy, do you think that there might be something else going on like depression or maybe even biopolar disorder?

    Hopefully Sydney will remember how you were and will realize how much it affects you and not do that to you. I know my sister saw and remembered with our parents and didn't pull what I did on them. I just didn't realize how much it would affect them....but being there, she knew better.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  19. #16099

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    Huckleberry. Snort.

    Your homebirth will be great. I am so excited for you.



  20. #16100
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Chrissy, do you think that there might be something else going on like depression or maybe even biopolar disorder?

    Hopefully Sydney will remember how you were and will realize how much it affects you and not do that to you. I know my sister saw and remembered with our parents and didn't pull what I did on them. I just didn't realize how much it would affect them....but being there, she knew better.
    Right now I just think it was an impetuous teenage stunt, but of course we're going to look into all the possibilities.

    Sydney has said as much to me repeatedly. Even Bobbie says she'd never do that. Jessica has promised to never do it again, but she wasn't there and I don't think she knows how bad we were. I mean, Rich even started crying when he was on the phone with his boss. He stood in our living room window almost all night watching for her. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  21. #16101
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    I shudder when I think about the things I did to my parents, too.

    When I was 7 - yes, 7 - I repeatedly took the cross-town bus home from school and spent the night at a friend's house without telling my mom. My friend's mom worked nights, so we would scrounge for change in the sofa, walk down the street and buy tv dinners from the convenience store and heat them up. Two second-grade girls, on our own, roaming the streets, foraging for ourselves. We felt so grown-up. My mom kept telling me I was grounded, but what did I do? Get out of school and take the bus over to my friend's house, instead of going home.

    My poor mom.


  22. #16102
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    Your poor mom indeed!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  23. #16103

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    I was so scared and worried for you I could not sleep at all, Chrissy. If I felt even 1/100th of what you were feeling I never want to go through what you did. I was so relieved when she called.

    And I like the name Huck

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  24. #16104
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    Huckleberry...not a good name cute for a pet though. Was he really serious? My DH will suggest names all the time that are awful for a joke (especially since we have had our names for probably at least six years now!). There are some that if you put them with our last name are just ridiculous sounding.
    He's bugged me for years about Ezekiel. Blech. Finally I told him that if we had four boys, he could name the fourth one that and call him Zeke. Since the only way that would happen is if we had one baby and than found ourselves with triplets...all boys. We plan on one right now but once we hit two if we ever do, he says he will get a V done.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  25. #16105

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    I just keep thinking about you, Chrissy. I sure hope you can figure out what's going on in her head.
    I never ran away but I had a bad boy boyfriend from about 15-17 that my mom HATED and I was constantly sneaking around to be with him after she told me I couldn't date him anymore. I lied so much. She read my journals and listened in on my phone calls to bust me and I hated her for it. Now I know she was just desperate but it certainly damaged our relationship.
    Then when I left after highschool I partied like it was going out of style for a long time and she worried about me a lot.

    I have to tell you guys that my state licensing rep came over on monday and while he was here he asked me if I'd ever heard of or been trained in Montessori or Waldorf curriculums. I told him that I've never been formally trained but that I've read about both on my own and try to mimic what I've learned. He said he thought my daycare looked like Montessori schools he's visited and that he could notice very much I'd studied the two curriculums.
    That really was probably the nicest compliment he could have ever given me. Well, that and the fact that I had no write ups for the second time in a row.

  26. #16106
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    We definitely have to strike a balance because I don't want to alienate her and make things worse, but at the same time I do believe I need to keep a better eye on her. That's where I think counseling will help us a lot. She's always been secretive about her thoughts and I often hear after the fact when she's been dealing with something. I want her to feel comfortable speaking her mind.

    I am going to talk to my sil (Jaime) about having a plan for all our girls. Jaime's daughter is Jessica's age and if anyone would have predicted one of our girls running away, all money would have been on her. So I'm thinking we may strike a deal between us adults and the kids that if they ever get to where they're thinking of running away or hurting themselves or others, that child can go to the other house for a night. No questions asked, no fighting, and no pressure. Of course we won't want them abusing that 'system' and deciding to run off every time they get mad, but if they get to the point where they feel like they cannot spend one more minute in their parent's house they would have a safe place to go for a day or so.

    That's a wonderful compliment from the licensing guy Bridget! It's extremely hard to not get a write up, especially if they're as strict as NY. I remember Sydney's daycare getting written up because the ketchup bottle had overturned in the fridge and left a mark. It wasn't even old but it was enough for a write-up.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  27. #16107

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    Sounds like it could be a good plan, Chrissy. I think teens need a safe place away from home once in a while. Are there any youth groups in the area she could join? (would she want to?) I really valued my UU youth group as a teen.

  28. #16108
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    Sounds like a good plan, Chrissy. Bridget, that's a great compliment! As for me, I can feel myself going in to an 'i hate being an expatriate' mode at the minute and I need to shake it off! Homesickness sucks.

  29. #16109
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    Quote Originally Posted by silverstar View Post
    Sounds like a good plan, Chrissy. Bridget, that's a great compliment! As for me, I can feel myself going in to an 'i hate being an expatriate' mode at the minute and I need to shake it off! Homesickness sucks.
    I can only imagine how difficult that can be at times. I'm sorry.

    Will you have an opportunity to visit home any time soon?

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  30. #16110
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Will you have an opportunity to visit home any time soon?
    Well, I thought we were going to see my parents this summer but it looks like finances aren't cooperating with me this year....that's what's upset me tonight...realizing we don't have enough for the flights, rental car, etc.
    This will be the longest between visits...over 2 years since I saw them!

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