Secular Confessions

[Bridget]

I met the woman that I thought would be a better sub for my daycare. She was great for the time that she was here and we were on the floor with the kids. She was energetic and responded well. Her 3 year old was a bit of a wild child but that doesn't bother me.
When it was time to leave he didn't want to leave and he freaked out. He was screaming and punching and kicking her and I felt bad because I could tell she felt stupid so I just kept saying, "Hey, no worries. Transitions are hard at this age." and things like that.
What bugged me was that she just kept saying over and over and over to him, "You're naughty. You're naughty. You're being so bad." It just made him scream louder and hit harder.
And before anyone says anything, I know I'm being too picky. Especially because I can't pay well. I just want someone I can trust 110%. Someday I'd like to be able to go on vacation. I haven't found that person. I may just have to eventually see if my families can give me a couple of weeks off when the baby is older. I sure wish I had a bunch of extra money laying around so I could open a center.

[The10Eels]

I may have to try that too Bridget...

Do you think it would help with my oily hair problems?

[Bridget]

I may have to try that too Bridget...

Do you think it would help with my oily hair problems?

It has helped me. The original blog that I read about it said basically that we buy these shampoos that we use every day that strip our hair of it's natural oils. So our bodies overcompensate by over producing the oils thus the more we wash, the worse the problem becomes. We're just throwing off the natural ph balance. It's the same idea as the oil wash for face washing which I'm doing as well.
Also, I only do it 3 times a week. I'm sure that's different for everyone but it's all need. The other days I am either not showering or I just rinse it with water that day.

[Cosmosmom]

Kate...sounds pretty normal to me. My cousins are a little older than Josh and they were saying goodbye to their dog before he was put down (he was like 17/18 years old so they always had him). their response was, good bye bear bear, we love but don't worry, we're going to get a new dog.
I think that they were either 4 and 6 or 5 and 7 when this happened. It was NOT the kind of reaction we have as adults or older kids/teens. That was it.

And than even recently with the loss of our uncle, they were just so "oh ok" about it though the 6 yr old boy was asking lots of questions about death and talking about it a lot...not in a worried way but more just wondering way.

[Cosmosmom]

I can't imagine not using shampoo and conditioner on my hair myself. But I also use other products like sometimes gel or hairspray (mostly it's hairspray). I do not wash my hair daily though....it just takes too long and I think that it's not needed. I would say I do it 2-3 times a week usually just depending on when it needs it. At this point I'm about 2-3 more inches until it hits my waist and it's pretty thick so it is not a quick thing to wash it. And I rarely use a dryer so I let it air dry and that really helps keep it in nice condition. Oh and I see my stylist every 7 weeks or so for a trim...that keeps it from looking scragly on the ends plus I have bangs that have to be trimmed and I cannot do it myself.

[daylilies]

Yeah...I lost a couple grandparents when I was 8-9ish, and I remember not being affected much at all even though I knew them and liked them. Then when I was in my mid teens I lost a great aunt and great uncle and that was a little harder, but still not devastating. Losing this cat has been harder on me than any human losses I've experienced and that was very unexpected. I realize now how hard it must be for those of you who have lost pets and family members recently.
Bridget, I understand being picky! I'd also be a little bothered by how she handled her son but I can totally relate. I feel very self concious when I'm trying to leave somewhere with Josh and he's resisting. He won't listen to a thing I say no matter what approach I take. Negotiating, bribes, force...okay maybe not force LOL.

[Bridget]

I think Savana has been very influenced by my mom's passing along with seeing my emotions through her illness and death. I actually have a hunch it is contributing to her current anxiety. Not tht she worries about death so much but she worries...about me.

Thanks for understanding, Kate. I know how hard it is when your child is acting crazy in a situation where it would be really, really nice if they weren't. I've been there. I just take issue with the words "naughty" and "bad". But maybe that's my problem. I just don't know. It was just interesting to see how she handled a stressful situation and I wasn't totally impressed. It's not like we were at a playdate at the park, you know? She was essentially applying for a job to work with children. And she knows all about my philosophy because as it turns out she had been here a couple of years ago, just as I was opening up to possibly enroll her son but ended up staying home with him.

[Ky'sMom]

I also used to smell horribly when PG. It was so bad that I would gag at my own scent and wouldn't even want to let DH touch me because I thought I stank. But DH said he never thought I smelled at all. I have a strong sense of smell usually and I think it is 100 times as strong when I'm PG.

I also don't use shampoo. Since black people don't have a lot of oil in our hair to begin with, it is pretty dumb to use shampoo even though we usually don't wash our hair more than once a week. It takes a few days though for the hair to "recover" from shampoo stripping it of moisture. I also use baking soda to wash my hair and sometimes use ACV to do a rinse. I also do treatments for shine with honey and olive oil. I do wash my hair with natural black soap though, not the kind you see in mainstream stores but homemade from mostly honey. It washes out residue without stripping the hair, but I only use the soap once a month now. I used to have a problem with itchy scalp and when you use the ACV it keeps the scalp from itching. Never knew it could get rid of dandruff but I guess I can see the logic.

Erin

[daylilies]

Yeah, I try not to say Josh is bad. I try to say the behavior is bad. I also don't use "naughty" because I don't think Josh knows what it means. LOL
DH overuses "good" and "bad". It bugs me! He also never gets down to the root of the problem with Josh. He says "don't make mommy mad" but he doesn't point out what behavior is making me mad. He'll say "don't pull the cat's tail because it makes mommy mad" when really the reason is simply because it annoys and hurts cats when their tail is pulled.
I tell him certain behaviors are rude, or not nice.

[Cosmosmom]

Kate I totally get it. I lost grand parents in the teen years but I didn't really like them so it wasn't a big deal...I was mostly sad that I never got to have cool grandparents and have that relationship and now I wouldn't for sure. So other than that, it was two dogs and that was HARD and I didn't even live with them since I was either in college or married. My uncle has been pretty rough.
But I absolutely dread the day it's my Cosmo. I know rationally she is just a dog BUT in my heart she is my first baby. Even my family who has always had dogs and treated them like babies and family members......are amazed at this connection I have with her. They have never seen such an attached dog as she is to me. I AM her momma.

This was our picture for our christmas cards this year. She was on the left side and on the right side was Snoopy and Woodstock playing Santa. She wasn't really that thrilled with wearing the hat so that is her "fine whatever big sigh" expression. LOL

[daylilies]

LOL, Cosmo is adorable.
We had George the cat since about a year after we started dating, in our first apartment and everything, so he sort of signifies our beginning. We still have his sister and one other cat though, so that's nice.

[missychrissy]

Bridget, do you really want to get rich and open a center? I think you'd make yourself crazy just trying to staff it.

I'm sure there's a good fit out there for you, and there's nothing wrong with being choosy. This is your business, and a business that is dear to your heart. Plus, you're letting this person into your home. Of course you're going to be hyper-vigilant.

That said...I'm not sure if the 'bad' and 'naughty' would be a deal breaker for me. Depending on the rapport you had with her previously, maybe you could call her and broach the topic and just see what she says.

[Bridget]

Bridget, do you really want to get rich and open a center? I think you'd make yourself crazy just trying to staff it.

.

I know! But the way I see it, if I was running a center I could potentially have enrollment and fees that were high enough to pay my employees a great wage and thus I'd be working with qualified, professional caregivers. As it is now, I only charge $130 a week for my daycare which averages out to less than $4 an hour and with only one full time child, 2 really part timers and a few drop ins here and there...well the math speaks for itself. I can hardly pay someone else squat to do it without actually losing money.
The double edged sword is that I could have more enrollment but I've been holding off because I don't want to give me sub more work than she can handle and I'd rather not start new children when I'm not there.
Ah, it'll work out. I know it will. And thankfully dbf has a few remodel jobs lined up now so I don't have to worry quite so much about money.

[missychrissy]

What a relief dbf has some jobs lined up! Does he do that often? Rich can have a tendency to be very cavalier about things that stress me out to high heaven, then he'll have this plan or whatever at nearly the last minute that makes all my days/weeks of stress pretty pointless.

When I was pregnant with Conner, I'd just started working at a walk-in clinic for a large medical group in my area when I found out I was expecting him. I wasn't eligible for the Family Leave Act, and they were very clear that if I went out due to early labor or whatever that I would essentially be terminated (coming from a medical group, it was very irritating to me that they'd lack any kind of compassion or understanding). I stressed about what we'd do because I had to give notice in order to be eligible for rehire at a later date. Rich ended up getting a deal cutting down trees on a guy's property. Rich cut them down and chopped them up and stacked the wood at our house and later sold it. He ran all over delivering wood in a little Toyota pick-up truck.

For months, I thought he was crazy. He wasn't paid to clear cut those woods and I didn't have a clue how much he'd get per truckload (facecord?) of wood. We ended up being all right, but the weeks he was cutting, hauling, and chopping I spent worried about what we'd do when I had to quit my job.

[daylilies]

DH does that too...I stress out about something and it turns out he has something up his sleeve to fix it, and he goes "Oh! You were stressed out about that?" LOL
I got Josh the cutest make your own calendar for Christmas. I hope he likes it. You can draw your own picture for each month and everything.
Has anyone tried to teach their children music around Josh's age? He walks around singing all day and picks up on songs very quickly. I was impressed that he recognized and knew the words to an instrumental version of a Christmas song I don't even recall listening to this year ("White Christmas"). We have an electric keyboard he likes to fool around on. Does anyone know how to introduce that to a 4 year old?

[Ky'sMom]

Elle picks up most songs that she hears and will say the words to instrumentals as well. I was doing her hair a couple weeks ago and sang Jingle Bells once and now she sings it ALL-THE-TIME. I only sang it once and I was shocked at how quickly she picked up on it.

DH also plays some music from an artist named Kem, who is a neosoul singer and Elle picked up all of his songs. She also loves certain commercials even though she only watches TV once or twice a week. We really have to limit the radio and TV with her because of her knack for picking up lyrics. She likes to hum songs as well. I'm thinking of putting her in a music class for kids that is offered at a local community center, kind of like Kindermusik but not as expensive.

Erin

[daylilies]

Oh yeah, we're doing Music Together in January. We've done it a couple times in the past and it's fun. Last time we tried, he didn't even want to go in the room, but recently he actually started requesting to go, so I signed him up.
They give you two CD's and a music book and meet once a week to sing the songs. We're already familiar with the book they're doing next session, so I think he'll like it.

[missychrissy]

Conner loves music as well. He's always been a dancer!! Unfortunately, his older sisters (especially Jessica) like some music with some really raunchy lyrics and while I'm not one to censor my kids, I also don't want him singing about some woman's 'kitty' (er, the p-word). Luckily, Conner didn't quite hear it correctly on the first chorus and I quickly fast-forwarded to the next song, so he sang about a p-ssycat.

There are many advantages to having older teens around to help out with the little ones, but then there are some disadvantages. Not only has Conner heard songs that he really shouldn't, but Bobbie told him how where babies come from. She told him what I'd told her at that age and nothing was inappropriate, but I really wanted it to be me that had that conversation. I told her next time something like that comes up, just defer to Mommy.

[daylilies]

Aww, sorry she ruined "the talk" for you!
Josh hears some Lady Gaga now and then...but heck, most of the time *I* can't understand her, so I don't think Josh does either. It sure is funny to hear him sing "Ra ra ah ah ah" though LOL

[missychrissy]

Josh & I would be buddies. I that song!!

[The10Eels]

Have you guys read or heard Im a manatee by John Lithgow?

I bought it for Audri before we left, and now she's going around singing it. <3

[Bridget]

I'm a manatee sounds so cute. I'll have to google it. Although John Lithgow is the creepiest creeperton to me. Do you guys watch Dexter? *shudder*

[daylilies]

I'm a manatee sounds so cute. I'll have to google it. Although John Lithgow is the creepiest creeperton to me. Do you guys watch Dexter? *shudder*

YES OMG that was the best season! I didn't know you watch it!
But yeah I can't look at him the same way now! I will check out that song though!

[daylilies]

Josh & I would be buddies. I that song!!

Me too, it's my favorite Lady Gaga song.

[Bridget]

YES OMG that was the best season! I didn't know you watch it!
But yeah I can't look at him the same way now! I will check out that song though!

It is the only show I watch, beside Chelsea Lately. It's a fabulous show. Dbf and I can't get over how the writers do such a fantastic job of making the murderer so likeable! Like, whenever he's close to getting caught I just hate whoever is about to bust him!
I actually was really creeped out by Lithgow even before that from Raising Cain and I HATED that show 3rd Rock that he was in.

Side note: I love the name Dexter but that show has made me unable to name my child that.

[daylilies]

LOL, yeah I think the writing is brilliant. Dexter is so likeable it's scary. Did you watch Six Feet Under? He was great in that too. I actually never paid much attention to John Lithgow before he was on Dexter. I know he was on SNL ages ago and he's done a lot of other work.
Aaaanyway, I could go on and on about Dexter. LOL

[daylilies]

By the way Josh threw a major fit at the library today. We went right after school--it's next door to his school so it doesn't really make sense to go home all the way at the other end of town and then come back. So we went and we ran into one of his school friends. We stayed for a while, Josh was great, he "read" a bunch of books to us and then it was around 1:00 and I was starving. I tried to get him to go peacefully but he wouldn't put his boots or coat back on and he practically kicked me in the face when I tried to do it. So I took him outside with no boots and no jacket on. So then he started doing that heartbreaking crying in the car and he said he was upset because he didn't have boots on. So I asked him why he wouldn't put them on or let me put them on, if he wanted them on so badly. He didn't answer.

Sorry so long, but it was embarrassing to deal with such an outburst like that in the library, when his friend's mom had just been saying how cute and well behaved he was. I'm just at a loss when there is such a lack of understanding when it comes to logic. If he wanted his boots on, why didn't he let me do it or do it himself?

[Bridget]

Transitions are hard. It's all about their feelings of lack of control. Like, he wasn't ready to go yet but you were. So he doesn't get a choice in the matter, you know? And he can't quite quite express, "Hey Mom. I was really hoping we could stay longer and I'm not that hungry right now" so he freaks out about putting his boots on because that he can do.
Were you able to give him a warning? Like, 5 more minutes or two more books and then we are going to go get something to eat. I've been taking Savana and Kai to use the library computers once a week and in anticipation of them freaking when the computer time is up I let them know the very first day that they have 30 minutes and then when it's five minutes left I let them know. Every time I tell them that if they freak out then we can't do computer anymore. So far everything's going smoothly.
Next time you are on the way to the library I'd let him know that when you say it's time to go, he needs to get ready and listen or you won't be able to take him to the library. The more we prepare them for what is going to happen the less likely they'll be caught off gaurd and start acting out.

[daylilies]

Yeah, I did tell him "okay one more book and then we're going to go" but after that book, he wanted just one more, then a game, etc. etc. and I didn't want to restrict him from having a good time with his friend just because I was hungry but at the same time I wanted him to respect my needs too, you know?
I do try to prepare him too, like he has a hard time leaving the day care gym too. So I say "when I come to get you when I'm done, I'd like you to come with no arguing" etc. and he says "I'll try" so then he has an excuse when he does throw a fit--"Well I tried to come with no arguing, but I just couldn't!"

[Bridget]

Yeah, I did tell him "okay one more book and then we're going to go" but after that book, he wanted just one more, then a game, etc. etc. and I didn't want to restrict him from having a good time with his friend just because I was hungry but at the same time I wanted him to respect my needs too, you know?
I do try to prepare him too, like he has a hard time leaving the day care gym too. So I say "when I come to get you when I'm done, I'd like you to come with no arguing" etc. and he says "I'll try" so then he has an excuse when he does throw a fit--"Well I tried to come with no arguing, but I just couldn't!"

That's cute. He's smart!
Make sure you stick to whatever you say too. Like, if you say "one more" than even if he begs for one more after that, don't give in. Not saying you did but I couldn't tell from your post if you did.
His behavior is totally normal, by the way. Sometimes even when you do everything right they still want to fall out and kick and scream.