Secular Confessions

[daylilies]

Ah, Internet...the best place to find out things you really shouldn't know. LOL
If you google my maiden name in Images, a gravestone comes up...she died in the early 1900's in her 20's.

Why do I feel somewhat guilty and sneaky for googling my co-workers names? A lot of these people have written books and are famous in their realm...der, I'm glad I didn't know when I started or I probably would have acted stupid in front of them.

That's kind of cool! I google old classmates, but I never though of googling Josh's friends' parents or anything.

I know he takes them at night but he says it helps with his mood in the daytime. I'll ask him if he takes another dose in the morning or just the one at night.

Thanks!

[daylilies]

Okay so I confess that on another community I'm on, recently a bunch of people have said (or at least implied) that they are one of those "child-free" people
Someone posted a cool video of a pregnant woman's tummy--you can totally see the baby moving around inside. Followed by a lot of "and this is why I never want kids" "I'm glad I'm child-free" etc. Seriously, how can you base not having kids solely on the opinion that a pregnant belly looks weird?
I really thought this bunch of people was really cool but now it bothers me that a bunch of them associate with that "child-free" crap.

[missychrissy]

That would bother me too. What's wrong with liking adults on their own merits, not whether or not they have kids? So they don't want kids, big deal. It's not like they're uber special because they chose not to have them. Nor do I think anyone is uber special just because they do have kids. Their personality is what makes (or breaks) the uber-special threshold imo.

I ventured onto another parenting board last year because my kids are older and there seemed to be more going on that I could relate too...but they're predominantly republican. Not my cup of tea at all.

[daylilies]

Yeah, I guess I was floating along happily not knowing many personal details about these people. They're usually incredibly supportive and non-judgemental and I guess it was just jarring to see comments like that.

[missychrissy]

Maybe it was a 1-time fluke thing...if the rest of the time it's a good place and they're supportive, meh, I'd continue on and see what's what. If that trend continued though, not so much.

[daylilies]

Oh I'm sticking around. I've been hanging out there for months and I love it. I almost never see any drama besides a snarky comment here and there. A lot of the members have kids and talk about them and never get any of the 'child-free' backlash.

[Cosmosmom]

Why do I feel somewhat guilty and sneaky for googling my co-workers names? A lot of these people have written books and are famous in their realm...der, I'm glad I didn't know when I started or I probably would have acted stupid in front of them.

Um you are at a pretty fancy smanchy university. Makes sense that a lot of them would have written books and big papers and such.
My favorite prof in grad school was like that...he's got a lot of books in his field with is name on them. One of my coworkers at our parent institution is like that too...she has some books with her name on them.
Me, I have NO desire to write a book!

[Cosmosmom]

That's just crazy Lydia! What are people thinking when they try to lie to their employer when they're posting other stuff on Facebook?

No kidding! And if you are going to do that, don't have anyone from work on your FB.
And never complain about work on FB or your employer or your co-workers.

[Cosmosmom]

Yeah, I guess I was floating along happily not knowing many personal details about these people. They're usually incredibly supportive and non-judgemental and I guess it was just jarring to see comments like that.

I don't see anything wrong with not wanting kids....better that they stay child-free if that is how they want to be. Kids aren't for everyone.

But there could also be a few who maybe can't have kids so even though they want them deep down.....they are doing whatever they can to convince themselves that not having kids is way better anyone. I really tried to do that myself for the past year. Told myself that it was more awesome to not have a kid, could sleep in, have more money, be able to travel, buy nicer and more things for the house, could be more focused at work, wouldn't have to deal with daycare or schools or naughty back talking and could just have puppies instead. Dogs are always happy to see you and basically live for you. Wouldn't have to deal with tantrums and people giving me dirty looks in public. Yeah, I tried really hard and had myself somewhat convinced that I would be happier being child free. I mean why want what it seems like you cannot have.
But just what, last month, I decided that I needed to have a child and why we are going to move forward with adoption next year soon as we have the money.

[3andMe]

No kidding! And if you are going to do that, don't have anyone from work on your FB.
And never complain about work on FB or your employer or your co-workers.

I wasn't on his FB! It was public!!!!!

[Cosmosmom]

I wasn't on his FB! It was public!!!!!

Now that is even more crazy!

[missychrissy]

I don't see anything wrong with not wanting kids....better that they stay child-free if that is how they want to be. Kids aren't for everyone.

No, there's nothing wrong with choosing not to have kids. But there is something wrong with acting like it's a superior lifestyle.

[daylilies]

No, there's nothing wrong with choosing not to have kids. But there is something wrong with acting like it's a superior lifestyle.

Yes, this!

[Cosmosmom]

No, there's nothing wrong with choosing not to have kids. But there is something wrong with acting like it's a superior lifestyle.

True. I can just see why some people do it. When you don't have kids, you get a LOT of that from people who do...acting like that is the a superior lifestyle or that there is something "wrong" about not having kids. Or it's really irritating if you work around people who have kids and they are getting special breaks for kid related things. I'm just lucky enough to have a boss that is just as flexible with me leaving for say Cosmo related things as he is with himself leaving for kid related things.

I have just gotten a lot of attitude IRL from kid people about not having kids...at least from those that do not know my history. And so to stop my own feelings from hurting and to make myself feel better, I had to kind of adopt that attitude that being child free was better.

No matter though, I think people will just tend to think of their way as better....be it their way for religion, having kids or not, political party they belong to, living a natural lifestyle, whatever.
I'm biased but I think that living a dog lifestyle is way better than living a dog free lifestyle. Even though I know it's not for everyone, I still think that it's best.

[missychrissy]

You're right, a lot of people do that and I hate it. Unless they're harming someone else, most people's lives are just fine for them and that's great. But don't make assumptions that what works for you will work for anyone else.

I'm glad I have kids, but I don't have any negative feeling or thought about people that choose not to have them. It's their life, kwim? I hope I teach that one lesson to my kids...live and let live.

[Cosmosmom]

Something interesting...I was at a thing for church (UU like Kate) Sunday and we were talking about religion and atheists...which some in the church are. Anyway, a few expressed that they felt atheists were just as bad as Christians about acting superior. Like Dawkins or Bill Maher....basically having the attitude that atheists are superior because they do not believe and that kind of making fun of those that do and acting like that they are so much more intelligent because they are scientific.

And on the other hand you have have the religious groups who all think that they are superior because they are going to heaven and that that they have the only "right" way.

[Gwenn]

Chrissy, considering where you work I would expect your co-workers to have done all kinds of fancy stuff. Interesting, though. Kind of funny when you see things like that about people you know well, though. The graduate program for my field at the university I went to is very highly ranked nationally - right now it's in the top 5 in the country for that degree program (only in the top ten when I was there!) so the faculty is very impressive. My #1 reason for going there was that it was here and I didn't have to move anywhere else so I kind of took it for granted. Most of my classmates in grad school had come here from other places in the country and I was a little surprised when I heard my friends say things like "I came here because of Dr. So-and-so's research and I really wanted to learn from her" and I was thinking, really? And then that year they were up for re-accreditation (sp?) and the people who came out to do a site visit sat all the grad students down in a room without the faculty there and asked us questions (which really freaked the faculty out) but the committee we talked to was so interesting. I remember one of them asking a question about the learning environment and then saying something like "Just look at your faculty!" Once I thought about it, they were a pretty impressive crowd, at least to people within my profession, but to me they were just my professors. Kind of interesting to see what other people think of people you see around you every day, isn't it?

And on the kid free thing, my best friend has chosen not to have children. I've always been interested in children from a very young age and she never really was so I've always gotten snippy comments from her about kids but she's been very respectful since my fertility struggles. The funny thing is, she is a writer and writes mostly for children. I always thought that was slightly ironic. And Jennifer, I understand totally about convincing yourself because I'm kind of doing that myself right now. I'm really concerned I'm too old to have kids (or will be by the time DH gets back) so without consciously trying I'm doing a lot to tell myself how much easier it would be not to have kids. I don't really think I mean it, though.

[daylilies]

I hope my comments about the child-free people didn't offend you, Jennifer and Gwenn. I should've considered your situations before I opened my mouth!
I think I'm way too easily offended....

[Gwenn]

I hope my comments about the child-free people didn't offend you, Jennifer and Gwenn. I should've considered your situations before I opened my mouth!
I think I'm way too easily offended....

Not at all! Totally different.

[Bridget]

I'm trying to flip this baby. It's still head up and my midwives gave me all sorts of little things to try so my kids are watching me contort and elevate all over the place. One of the things to do is crawl. Today I was reading to Savana and got up saying I was going to run downstairs and get my phone charger and as I was walking out of the room she yelled, "Crawl Mommy! CRAWL!"

I really want this baby to flip.

[Cosmosmom]

I hope my comments about the child-free people didn't offend you, Jennifer and Gwenn. I should've considered your situations before I opened my mouth!
I think I'm way too easily offended....

Nope not offended. Probably most of them were just being snippity about it...but I was just trying to see the other side since I just recently was trying to convince myself to be on that side....I was almost to the point where I couldn't stand seeing kids and was really irritated in real life with most people with them except my two friends who have them and my cousins (which Gwen my aunt didn't decide to get until she was over 40...they were both adopted out of foster care and she got both them as babies...not much in my area so we are doing domestic infant...but if I still lived back home, we would probably be going that route).

[stash]

Bridget, remind me again how many weeks? Do you have a chiropractor?

[Ky'sMom]

I confess that at work they have been actively putting up all the holiday decorations and when I went outside yesterday there was this HUGE Christmas tree. The biggest I have ever seen in real life and it actually frightened me. I jumped back and was looking like WTF! I really wasn't expecting such a huge tree right outside our office buildng, but I guess I should have known since I work downtown and they usually do a lot of decorating. But man that thing is HUGE!

Something interesting...I was at a thing for church (UU like Kate) Sunday and we were talking about religion and atheists...which some in the church are. Anyway, a few expressed that they felt atheists were just as bad as Christians about acting superior. Like Dawkins or Bill Maher....basically having the attitude that atheists are superior because they do not believe and that kind of making fun of those that do and acting like that they are so much more intelligent because they are scientific.

And on the other hand you have have the religious groups who all think that they are superior because they are going to heaven and that that they have the only "right" way.

I have heard people say the same thing about atheist versus Christians or other religious people. I can kind of see how that is true for a lot of people. Most of the unreligious people I know IRL do have a sort of an "I'm-smarter-than-you-because-I'm-atheist" thing going on. I have even heard some people say that atheism is a religion as well and is just competing and recruiting followers just like Christians and really I can see that point as well. But I try to stay clear of all of that anyway and just say I'm non-religious because really I don't care about religion or not being religious at all.

Erin

[The10Eels]

I confess we finally got some snow and it came quick... the roads are super slick, but I had to go up to the college and turn in a few projects. I slipped and fell on the ice 3 times, and almost a 4th.

I confess I think I gave myself minor whip lash.... and bruised my knees.

[Bridget]

Ash, are you ok?
I can see the Athiest being superior attitude just as any belief system find themselves superior otherwise they wouldn't believe it, you know? Personally, I never even talk about my beliefs or lack of in real life. Ever. Well, except when my children ask me questions.

Stacy I am 31 ish weeks. I don't have a chiro but my doula talked about this as well and said she had one she could refer me to so I'm going to bring it up at my appt next week. My midwives also want to try acupuncture if it doesn't flip by 36 weeks.

[stash]

Bridget, baby has plenty of time. Oscar was breech until 35 weeks and then finally turned. That said, I know how stressful it is when something like that happens, especially when you're planning a home birth...

[Cosmosmom]

I can see the Athiest being superior attitude just as any belief system find themselves superior otherwise they wouldn't believe it, you know? Personally, I never even talk about my beliefs or lack of in real life. Ever. Well, except when my children ask me questions.
.

Really, you don't talk about stuff like that IRL? I certainly don't with most people but do with my BFF or my family (especially did with my uncle ) and most definitely with DH. Thank god he thinks like I do for the most part! Especially since we were together in college when basically with my major all I did was read and think and write papers....and I have mellowed over the past 10-12 years.

[Cosmosmom]

Ouch Ashley! Hope you are doing ok today. I don't mind cold but I HATE the slippery stuff...and it's heading my way this afternoon.

[daylilies]

I have rarely talked about my beliefs to anyone IRL either. I don't know what religion most of my friends or even family are. Most of my family seems to not practice anything at all.

[missychrissy]

Really, you don't talk about stuff like that IRL? I certainly don't with most people but do with my BFF or my family (especially did with my uncle ) and most definitely with DH. Thank god he thinks like I do for the most part! Especially since we were together in college when basically with my major all I did was read and think and write papers....and I have mellowed over the past 10-12 years.

Actually, I don't either. I speak about my beliefs with my kids and very rarely with close family. Rich knows my beliefs, but we don't really discuss them. The only person I'm not related to that knows I'm atheist is my boss. I can't even remember now how it came up, but we both realized we were atheists and it was like, "cool" and we had some pretty good discussions about it. That was over 2 years ago and it hasn't come up with him since. It's not something I think most people talk about regularly...at least, no one I know. The religious family might say, "I'll pray for you" or "God bless" or whatever, but they don't talk about the nitty gritty of what they believe.