Secular Confessions

[daylilies]

Thanks guys! It's hard for me to loosen up and just laugh when he says things like that. I feel like he shouldn't think saying stuff like that is funny, you know? I'm generally not a playful person, but I know I need to loosen up (DH also wishes I was more playful)
I hope the mom will watch what she says, Bridget. I see how it must be hurtful to the other kids when they hear stuff like that.

[Gwenn]

That's so awesome. I'm slightly jealous that you have a career where you can make such a positive impact on people, especially children.

Thanks. When I get frustrated at work I try to tell myself something very similar, and I remember there isn't much else I would really want to do.

The stuff about the dogs is interesting. I like shows like that...what was it called? Is it available for streaming?

It was a Nova episode called Dogs Decoded. I watched it on streaming. Really interesting. There was tons of stuff about dog communication that my inner geeky SLP just adored hearing, too. Thanks for sharing the article! I downloaded and will read it in a bit.

[The10Eels]

Erin -- I LOVE ANTIQUES ROADSHOW!!!!

[Bridget]

Jesus, the mom is really, really upset and can't believe I'd think she would hurt her kids. I don't feel like I could have been more clear that I don't think she physically hurts them but just that her interactions are inappropriate for my daycare. Darn it I feel bad that I just made her life harder but I don't think it was something I could ignore.
Bugger.

Well I just got back from meeting my doula and she's just the kind of person I'd be friends with. We hit it off right away and everything's going to work out in that regard so...YAY!

[daylilies]

Awesome Bridget
I'm sorry the mom feels upset but it's better that you spoke to her. Now maybe she'll be more aware of what she's saying.

[3andMe]

Bridget, I don't blame the mom for being upset, but it's not anything you could have helped--she's in a bad place right now, as you know, and she probably knows already she was not being the best mom she could be. Far from it, probably. Maybe she was caught up in the moment and didn't quite realize what she was saying and you are now the embodiment of her conscience, but again, far better for you to speak up and help her come to the realization of exactly what she is saying and who is listening.

[missychrissy]

Thanks guys! It's hard for me to loosen up and just laugh when he says things like that. I feel like he shouldn't think saying stuff like that is funny, you know? I'm generally not a playful person, but I know I need to loosen up (DH also wishes I was more playful)
I hope the mom will watch what she says, Bridget. I see how it must be hurtful to the other kids when they hear stuff like that.

There is definitely a line between humor and cruelty. It's not always easy to determine where that line is. Sometimes, being able to laugh something off helps them forget it because it didn't have power to create a negative reaction in you. But at the same time, there are some things you definitely don't want him saying at school or whatever. With my older girls, I've experienced them behaving a million times better in society so I guess that helps me be more relaxed with Conner and his attitude. He does the same thing---he behaves for Grandma and is a devil for Momma. It's just something children do.

[missychrissy]

Oh dear god help me...Rich is gone hunting & won't be back till after dark. The kids have been acting up and fighting all day long. Not to mention the extra running I had to do to take Bobbie's friend home then run her over to her bf's. It's my shopping day-already a busy day. I don't have the time or the patience to deal with this. I have a headache. I'm gonna kill Rich when he gets home.

My mother didn't help. I did vent to her about the extra running I had to do when I picked her up. I had to fight with Conner to get him to come with me because he wanted to stay with Sydney and her friend, but Sydney wasn't having it. I had to hook a complicated, oversize car seat into the back of my car because Rich forgot to leave the booster we've been using. Conner shoved his feet really hard into the back of my seat and I snapped at him to stop kicking my seat. My mom freaked out and said I wasn't going to ruin her day and jumped out of my car at a red light to walk home. Fine-I don't even feel bad about that because I'm sick and tired of biting my tongue around her, yet when she's having a bad day I'll listen for the whole 50 mile ride about it.

That's the story of my life though...I'm not 'allowed' to have a bad day. If I do, the people closest to me freak out. At times like this, I feel like I have no one I can really lean on.

[missychrissy]

I should know better than to think I could count on my mother for anything, ever.

[Bridget]

I'm so sorry, Chrissy. It sucks when just because you're usually laid back, people don't think you have a right to have a bad day. If you should be able to vent to anyone, it should be your mom.

[Bridget]

I confess that I took the kids to the YMCA to swim today and I had to stuff my boobs into my swimming suit they are so much bigger/fuller than they were. I think it could have been considered inappropriate if I wasn't so pregnant. That excuses me right?

Can I keep them please???

[daylilies]

LOL Bridget! Sadly it seems like when you lose weight (or the pregnancy ends) the boobs are the first to go.
I'm sorry your mom wasn't helpful, Chrissy. And poo on Rich for hunting! That's one thing I'm glad DH isn't into.
I did Josh's party today and it went really well. However the whole present thing was really chaotic. Nobody will be offended if I just write "Thanks for the gift" instead of naming what it was, right? It was a blur, Josh was opening presents without looking at the card, they were tearing into stuff before everything was opened, etc. LOL

[missychrissy]

It isn't possible for my mother to have any empathy for me. On days like today I really resent her illness.

But thanks for the support and It does help.

I'm glad Josh's party went well and I'm sure a 'thanks for the gift' is just fine

Bridget, you can always buy boobs. lol

[missychrissy]

It didn't take much...my sister-in-law convinced me to go out with her for a drink or two. If Rich isn't back, Bobbie and Jessica will have to hold down the fort.

[daylilies]

I'm so sorry Chrissy, I didn't even think of that.

[stash]

Chrissy, I'm sorry.

Bridget, you'll keep them while you're nursing. I swear, I have pornoboobs. Someone in another thread called hers ubangees, and though it's a terrible word, it totally made me laugh.

[Gwenn]

So sorry, Chrissy.

[missychrissy]

It's ok everybody. Today I feel like an idiot for getting so worked up over it.

I did go out with my sil last night for a few drinks. It was absolutely dead in there. We think all the real rednecks stayed home so they could go to bed early for hunting in the morning.

[daylilies]

LOL Chrissy!

[3andMe]

Chrissy, glad a new day brought a different perspective!

---------------------------
My dad, the atheist-turned-non-religious-Buddhist is visiting. He was showing the twins some words on the magna-Doodle board, and Ronin asked him to write "Good" so he did, carefully spelling it out letter for letter, and showing them that first it made the word GO and then the word GOO and then the word GOOD. Then he wrote DOG and GOD on the board and asked them if they could read those. They read the word DOG just fine, and dh and I told him that they probably had no clue about the word GOD.

My dad scoffed, and said that was not likely. I said that we were pretty careful, not only about what language we used in front of them, but about the media they were exposed to, and only lately they had been away from us in preschool and maybe they'd heard about God from a friend but it was unlikely to come up in conversation and probably not in that particular school.

Anyway, Claire said "What is that word? I've never heard of it!" I think it's interesting that my children had never heard the word God but I heard Ronin tell dh this morning that he had a great idea about a mass spectrometer. I'm not planning on keeping God a secret, but it seems like kind of an advanced concept and it hasn't come up yet. Someone told Claire her shoes weren't pretty the other day, and I'd hoped to avoid talking about that sort of thing for a while, too.

----------

And now that I'm being wordy about secular stuff, we were at a wildlife museum today and there was a skull area. A mom was walking by with two girls, about age 5 and 2. The older one pointed at the human skull and asked if it was from a monkey. The mom answered "No, it's from a person," but then quickly added, "but it's not real."

I don't understand the logic, but I'm totally willing to be sympathetic to the mom if she had a good reason for saying that--I just can't guess what it was. Do kids get really scared of skulls at some point, when they're not scared of snakes and tarantulas and lizards? But the girls seemed kind of blase about everything.

---------------

Back to my original thought--my children hear the words death and dying from time to time, and can identify skulls and bones pretty well. We saw a dead bird in the park the other day, and we looked at it closely (but didn't touch), and talked about dying. So that is an advanced concept too, but I don't shy away from it.

[Bridget]

Lydia, I'm with you all the way. My kids do not know about the word God either. They asked me at Halloween why they use skeletons as something creepy when everyone has one inside of them.

We also discuss death semi regularly since my mom recently died and our cat regularly leaves moles and mice on the front step.
My kids ask me constantly if things are real or pretend and I'm totally honest about it. It doens't hinder their imaginative powers at all to know that pretend things are pretend.

I hemmed and hawed a lot about how to approach certain issues with them and have found that simple honesty has proven to be the most uncomplicated way to deal with every single thing. I really don't think people give very young children enough credit.

[stash]

Oscar JUST got exposed to the concept of "gods" this summer, ironically because of an iPhone game he played with his cousins called "pocket god." I didn't elaborate on the word, and so he only had it in the context of the game. He asked me recently what a god was, and I explained simply that a long time ago when people understood the world less, we felt the need to make answers to scary questions, like what's thunder? So they created stories about pretend guys who say, make thunder in the sky when they're mad. Gods, I said, usually control things.

He said, "Like superheroes?" And we had a funny conversation about gods with superpowers. And he was genuinely surprised and amused that some people really believe in gods.

I think it's very valid to avoid the concept of god until children are capable of rational thought. If you don't, you're doing them a world of pretheistic harm, imo.

[3andMe]

Oh, and another thing about my dad. The twins were non-stop since 6 AM. At the museum they ran around a maze over and over, went upstairs and downstairs, petted all kinds of animals, went into the interactive room a dozen times... we were there for hours. Then we had lunch and went to a playground and played for hours. Then we came home and they ran back and forth and got louder and more manic and were starting to run into things and get hurt and get upset about little things and it was close to bedtime and my Dad kept trying not to go to his other social obligation. I was shooing him out the door, saying the twins were really tired and needed to go to bed.


He looked at them running circles around him and screeching and said "They look like they are full of energy!"

It's really hard to believe he had two kids of his own.

[daylilies]

Forgive me, I can't remember, but I'm pretty sure it was Gwenn who recommended the valerian root--
Does your husband take it at night or in the morning? The ones I got said to take them at night for a restful sleep, but I'm not trying to get a restful sleep, I just want to be less tense during the day.

[missychrissy]

Conner says "Oh God!" a lot lately. He has no clue what it means, but he uses that expression in the correct context. At least, correct in our house!!

Bobbie and Jessica went to church regularly with my dad when they were little. At that time, I still believed. Or wanted to. Anyway, neither of them really got into it or believed it. They just liked singing "This little light of mine" in front of the congregation and getting applause. Jessica was a die-hard atheist before I was. I do wonder how they came to those conclusions, especially considering how confused I was about my own beliefs at that time, but they didn't suffer any harm from it. It was like believing in Santa...they pretended to believe in him for a few years because they were afraid I'd be sad if they didn't. Sweet girls.

[missychrissy]

Not too long ago we were talking about random wildlife that lives near us...the local Pennysaver has a pic of a mountain lion spotted in my hometown of Owego, NY



I just think it's awesome!! I'd love to see the kitty.

[stash]

Dude that's a big cat.

[Ky'sMom]

Dude that's a big cat.

This!!!

I'd love to see him/her too, but with binoculars really far away maybe in an all terrain vehicle on top of a mountain about 20 miles away!

Erin

[daylilies]

Oh man, big cats are my favorite animals ever.

[Cosmosmom]

Now THAT is a cat! OMG, I would freak out.