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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #14881

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    Okay, Lydia. Got one!

  2. #14882
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    Bridget, you're 30 weeks???
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  3. #14883
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    I am watching the most interesting thing on Netflix! It's a Nova episode called Dogs Decoded and it's all about what scientists have learned about dogs. I just started watching and they are talking about how human faces show emotion asymmetrically and people look at the left side of the face first when they look at someone (I never knew that). The scientists showed dogs pictures of humans, dogs, and inanimate objects (like doghouses and trees) and measured where their gaze fell. When looking at dogs and inanimate objects, they looked at the center, and when they looked at human faces, they look at the left side first. How could they know to do that? So I tested with my dogs and they are totally looking at the left side of my face every time I call their names! I can tell by the angle they are cocking their heads! Sooo cool!

    Okay, I know I'm a geek...
    That is something that I would love. There was an article on dog psychology today on either cnn.com or msnbc.com that was pretty interesting.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  4. #14884
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    Jennifer, I kept thinking how much you would love it while I was watching it! Do you get Netflix? Watch it!!!

    Oh, does Cosmo look at the left side of your face?
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  5. #14885
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    If you want to try something herbal, DH swears by Valerian root. He takes it to relax and not stress out about everything.
    I think my new bedtime tea had that in it...been trying to drink tea and found Yogi to be not too bad...and amazon has GREAT deals on it.

    Been trying of find something to help me fall asleep since I'm backing off the alcohol except for once in a while like some weekends or when we are celebrating or having family over. every night...not a good habit!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  6. #14886
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    No netflix...we have a bunch of money channels and on demand instead. I might have access through there.

    I will have to see if she does that. I never paid attention. Sometimes she will look me straight on though like if I'm in my lazy boy and she's on my tummy with paws on each shoulder. She's the only dog I have had that will just look me straight on in the eyes and not look away right away.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    Watch the angle of her eyes, though, while she's looking in your eyes. I just called their names and of course, being dogs, they looked right at me. Mine look me in the eye.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  8. #14888
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Watch the angle of her eyes, though, while she's looking in your eyes. I just called their names and of course, being dogs, they looked right at me. Mine look me in the eye.
    I think that they only do that when they REALLY trust you.

    I figure that if I can create this strong of an attachment with my dog, I should be good to do with a baby (especially with adoption).

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    I'll have to see if my cats look at my face at all. Ever. Let alone one side or the other. And if they lick their lips as if they're thinking about me lying still enough to snack on me, or if they're thinking about me as a friend. Just curious.

    Bridget, 30 WEEKS!?!?!

    So, does this mean you are not finding out the sex? Because you must have had your big ultrasound already, right? I am picking myself up of the floor because I cannot believe how far along you are, you sneaky tickerless woman. You might as well just call your baby Misty or Sly or something hard-to-see because you almost had your baby without any of us knowing!


  10. #14890
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    That was something else they talked about in the show. When a mother breastfeeds her levels of oxytocin increase which helps with bonding between mother and baby. They actually hooked a woman and her dog up to an IV and measured oxytocin in both woman and dog while they were cuddling, and they both released a spike of oxytocin that paralleled a breastfeeding mother. The researchers were a little surprised to see that in the woman, but really surprised to see it in the dog!

    No wonder I call Nero my firstborn! I spent the whole summer he was a puppy on the floor playing with him, almost literally. Gwennie was DH's dog and I didn't bond with her in that way. I love her, but I don't feel the same about her. But I am still bonded with her.

    So yes, you should totally be able to duplicate that with an adopted baby!
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  11. #14891
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lydia View Post
    I'll have to see if my cats look at my face at all. Ever. Let alone one side or the other. And if they lick their lips as if they're thinking about me lying still enough to snack on me, or if they're thinking about me as a friend. Just curious.
    You know, cats are funny. We noticed years ago that when one of us would come home, the cat would run out to the front room and then turn her back to the door so when whoever was coming home, they saw her ... but they saw her back.

    When DH came home for a weekend this summer I was so interested in the dogs' reactions, and typically they were very excited, jumping, barking, etc. What we did not expect was the cat - in her stand-offish way, she made her presence known and later we talked about it and we think she missed him more than the dogs did in her cat-like way.

    You might as well just call your baby Misty or Sly or something hard-to-see because you almost had your baby without any of us knowing!
    Misty ... I like it!
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post

    I'm really really picky about certain details. Like we washed the curtains the other day and DH put them on backwards so the tags are showing and it's driving me crazy. I come across bad drivers and it ruins my day. Stupid stuff like that. I'm so sick of being so uptight about everything but I can't seem to stop. It's exhausting. I've read books, I know all the gentle ways to approach issues with Josh and things like that, but when I'm faced with a problem my first reaction is to react not so nicely, and I see Josh imitating that in his reactions. I need to stop before he permanently becomes the same way.
    I'm like that a lot, too. It's not so much that I need something to calm me down, but I need something to remind me to turn my thoughts away, that it doesn't matter. Like snapping a rubberband on my wrist every time I want to turn the curtain around. And not only do I need to remind myself NOT to do it, but I need to say to myself CALM DOWN (inside), IT DOESN'T MATTER. And then I could go get the scissors and cut the tags off so I can't tell. Later, when nobody is watching. But some things really don't matter. Traffic doesn't. Really. But watching your family watch you get all twitchy about it DOES. So take some slow deep breaths and picture yourself on a beach in Hawaii, and think about all the other people getting their blood pressure up, and the more you do it the faster your reaction becomes and the more of a habit it is.

    Now, when someone cuts me off, before I start getting mad, my first instinct is to get calmer--I've practiced it that much.


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    I confess I have an interview at the insta-care clinic tomorrow for an office position!!! I am super excited!!

    I am also sick to my stomach that I can not find the new sweater B's mom bought me while she was here..... I really wanted to wear it to my interview.

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    I like your baby names better, Bridget; definitely go with your choices! LOL

  15. #14895

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    That is interesting about the dogs!

    And yes 30 weeks! So it's not just me, this pregnancy has gone so fast. I still can't believe I'm going to have 3 kids soon. It's going t be a trip!
    Not finding out the sex. And baby is still head up which my midwives tell me not to worry about yet but of course I am. They gave me a bunch of little things to do to encourage baby to flip.
    By the way it's 3:30 am here and I can't sleep. My cat woke me up because her dish was empty. I don't know what side of my face she looks at but she's relentless. She will just sit at the foot of the bed and stare at me meowing until I get up and feed her or let her outside, whichever she's after at the moment.

    I actually think the name Misty is pretty but I knew a Misty in Hawaii and she ruined that name for me.

  16. #14896

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    The dog psychology stuff is so interesting. We have 3 cats right now, but when we have none or at least maybe 1, we might get a dog. I've been infatuated with German Shepards lately.
    Thanks for the tips, guys, I've already flaked out twice this morning and I only got up 10 minutes ago LOL

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    I confess I had a freakishly good day at work today in terms of how well the children did in therapy. Like, so incredibly abnormally good I'm a little afraid of how bad tomorrow will be to make up for it. The best part was my one little girl with a degenerative disease said "gababa" after I said "gorilla." She occasionally (and less and less frequently) will produce words that she learned before she began to decline, but in the 2.5 years I've known her she's never once imitated anything I've said. She did it multiple times for several words, and then asked for "book" and read a book with me ... I've spent years trying to teach her to request objects and activities with absolutely no success. What happened?
    That's so awesome. I'm slightly jealous that you have a career where you can make such a positive impact on people, especially children.

    The stuff about the dogs is interesting. I like shows like that...what was it called? Is it available for streaming?

    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Is there anything OTC, herbal etc. I can take to calm myself down? I think I'm a control freak. If Josh wants to do something one way and I want him to do it another, I get really uptight even if it doesn't really matter which way it's done. I'm always concerned with teaching him the "right" way to do things even if another way is more fun or has the same result. I find myself overreacting to the stupidest things before I can even stop myself. What can I do?

    I'm really really picky about certain details. Like we washed the curtains the other day and DH put them on backwards so the tags are showing and it's driving me crazy. I come across bad drivers and it ruins my day. Stupid stuff like that. I'm so sick of being so uptight about everything but I can't seem to stop. It's exhausting. I've read books, I know all the gentle ways to approach issues with Josh and things like that, but when I'm faced with a problem my first reaction is to react not so nicely, and I see Josh imitating that in his reactions. I need to stop before he permanently becomes the same way.
    The curtains would bug me because they're going to be up for a while. I'd turn them.

    I wish I knew what you could take to try and calm down. I know for myself and my kids, I often ask myself if the issue is something that is going to be life changing (in a bad way) or not. If not, then I let it go. It just takes practice, and sometimes I don't think fast enough and react first but it has gotten better with time.

    Road rage drivers don't seem to bother me...I just let them go. If someone is following too close and making me uncomfortable I simply pull over and let them go by. I tell myself that their lives must be really sorry if they are that bent while driving. It may or may not be true, but it makes me feel better!

    From these 2 bits of advice, you probably realize I talk to myself a lot. I do!!

    Quote Originally Posted by The10Eels View Post
    I confess I have an interview at the insta-care clinic tomorrow for an office position!!! I am super excited!!

    I am also sick to my stomach that I can not find the new sweater B's mom bought me while she was here..... I really wanted to wear it to my interview.
    Good luck!!

    I can't decide if I want to hear back about an interview with the chemistry department or not. The position is for undergrad/grad coordinator. If it's anything like our English Dept, it's a hectic job and a high level of stress and dealing with irate students and/or parents. I guess I shouldn't worry till they call...either today or Monday.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  18. #14898

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    I just asked Josh to put away his cars and he refused and he said "I just want to make you cry." Lovely!

  19. #14899

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    Thanks Chrissy. I feel like some of these things matter, like when Josh doesn't listen to me or he treats his toys badly. I feel like these are important things to learn how to do right. I bought him a cheap discman yesterday and he brought it to me this morning and asked me to listen to it. Nothing was playing, so I was fiddling with it trying to turn it on. He freaked out and said I was ruining it, he grabbed it from me and attacked me.

  20. #14900
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    Ouch! Conner has said he doesn't love me or various other people in his life. I think they're learning the power their words have and are just testing them out. While he hasn't said he wanted to make me cry, he certainly laughed when I pretended to cry once.

    He also is rough with his toys. A good chunk of them are broken. I probably should address that issue better myself, but I don't. I just toss what was broke and if he gets upset I tell him, "Well, stop throwing your toys and they won't break." I assume he'll learn that lesson eventually (?). I hope!

    Listening is an important one. I think Josh and Conner are a lot alike...Conner goes through phases where he'll listen very well, and then not at all. It's a day-by-day thing with him.

    He has stopped wetting his pants finally, but still will not poop on the potty. We have a sticker chart (that did work for getting him to pee) and he has a new dinosaur set that he can get if only he'll poop just one time on the potty. He's made a number of attempts, but hasn't done it yet.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  21. #14901

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    I confess that I am just sick about the way a parent talked to her child at drop off this morning. I know she's really stressed out and I know she has a lot going on and I know she didn't mean what she said. But it was awful and I can't stop thinking about it and don't know if I should do something about it.

  22. #14902
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    That was something else they talked about in the show. When a mother breastfeeds her levels of oxytocin increase which helps with bonding between mother and baby. They actually hooked a woman and her dog up to an IV and measured oxytocin in both woman and dog while they were cuddling, and they both released a spike of oxytocin that paralleled a breastfeeding mother. The researchers were a little surprised to see that in the woman, but really surprised to see it in the dog!

    No wonder I call Nero my firstborn! I spent the whole summer he was a puppy on the floor playing with him, almost literally. Gwennie was DH's dog and I didn't bond with her in that way. I love her, but I don't feel the same about her. But I am still bonded with her.

    So yes, you should totally be able to duplicate that with an adopted baby!
    I could totally see that. There is research out there about how petting animals makes people feel better.

    And yup Cosmo is my baby. She was so small, like 5 lbs when we got her and I would hold her and rock her in my chair. She liked having her head on my chest hear my heart. We did that for hours every day in between the crazy puppy playing. And DH would snuggle her in bed while i was at work (we have almost always worked different shifts).
    She's 7 now and 25 lbs...but still her favorite things are in my lap in my arms while we watch TV or snuggling in bed.

    My BFF has a kid and one on the way but no dogs (she's allergic). She just doesn't get the whole idea of a pet parent and thinks that only people without kids get THAT bonded to a pet.
    Though both DH and I were raised with dogs that are the babies in the families....and obviously our parents had kids.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  23. #14903
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    Good luck Ashley!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    I was just reading this about dogs: http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/11/18...ex.html?hpt=C2

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  25. #14905

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    What did she say, Bridget?
    Chrissy, I do the same thing! I say, well if you throw your toys and they break, I'll have to throw them away. And he says "Okay, throw them away." He doesn't even care! A brand new set of hotwheels cars and a special box to put them away in, and he still throws them around. I'm tempted to tell him he can't have the presents he gets tomorrow until he can treat the toys he has better.

    Oh, we also reintroduced the computer. It's been off limits since he was about 3 and a half, and I said when he turned 4 we could try again. Yesterday I set a timer for half an hour and explained that when the timer went off, he had to stop. He said okay and then when the timer went off he threw a fit. *shrug*

    I looked for valerian root when I was at the grocery store but couldn't find it. Next time I go to the mall I'll stop by GNC.

  26. #14906
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    Kate have you tried deep breathing? I briefly saw a therapist in college for panic attacks I was having (also had major issues with IBS at the time). It really did help me a lot to take those couple of really deep and long breathes....each in and each out was supposed to take as long as it took to say in my head supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Just taking a few minutes to get my mind on something else and concentrate on something else really did help me calm down and relax.
    I still use it today if I get too freaked out or nervous.....I'm still prone to panic attacks if we get stuck in standstill traffic jams.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  27. #14907

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    I'll try that, thanks.

  28. #14908

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    I don't even want to say what she said. It was bad. I called her and left her message. I just told her we needed to discuss the things she says when she's frustrated because it's inappropriate for other children to hear and difficult for me to explain to them. Also that everyone needs to feel safe here and when she says things like that, it worries the children and goes against everything I try to teach them about kindness and gentleness. She is going through a really hard time and so I try to be empathetic because I know her life kind of sucks right now. But I can't allow it. And I need to let her know it's being noted. I also let her know that I'm here if she needs a break, outside of my business hours. I think she's just at the end of her rope.
    Last edited by Bridget; 11-19-2010 at 02:22 PM.

  29. #14909

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    I hope the mother will stop saying whatever things she is saying. I hate hearing parents speak to their children in a disrespectful way or yelling at them or basically de-valuing them as people. It really bugs me and most of the time I will say something because I am a big mouth and can't help myself even though I do understand sometimes why they are angry but I just think it can be said in a more productive way.

    I saw that NOVA documentary. I NOVA it has been one of my favorite programs since I was a girl. That and The Antiques Roadshow . My mom used to wonder what was wrong with me since I was so nerdy all I liked was PBS as a teenager, it is still my favorite channel, DH teases me because I still love the Antique's Roadshow and I watch it every Saturday, he says I'm "old lady like."

    Kate, I hope you can learn some ways to calm yourself down more. I used to get kind of snappy with Ky when he was Josh's age, between 3 and 4 especially, it was a very difficult age for Ky. I attribute it to the fact that I was younger and inpatient and didn't have the nonchalant attitude I have now about a lot of things that kids do that aren't really that big of a deal. I feel bad sometimes because I do think that I am way nicer to Elle than I was to Ky when he was a toddler. She is super easy though so far, much moreso than Ky whow was just more....I guess just more of a typical toddler. I truly think that Elle is pretty atypical of a person, she is like a grown up in a baby body most of the time.

    But I did make an extra effort to calm myself down about Ky and his behavior. From how you describe Josh, he is very similar to Ky was. He used to say he hated me and wanted to make me mad and wanted to me cry and that I was the meanest mommy in the world, and oddly enough, it was during those times that I would smile the most because I just associate those feelings and thoughts with a frustrated child and I would respond in a funny or loving way. Most of the time he would still have his little 'tude as I called it. Plus I was and still am pretty silly. I remember once Ky told me he wanted to make me cry, so I threw myself on the floor and bawled like a baby. I am VERY dramatic, he just looked shocked LOL! I did that for a couple minutes, then got up and told him that since I cried he had to do what I wanted and he did .

    Erin
    Last edited by Ky'sMom; 11-19-2010 at 02:47 PM.

  30. #14910
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    Conner doesn't seem to care if I throw his toys away either. I think if there are some that are particularly expensive or special, then putting them away till he can treat them better is probably a good idea. Maybe reward him for good behavior with some time with those special toys, but put them right back after that time is up. And just be patient...they often don't learn what's expected after being told once or a hundred times. Some things have taken years for my kids to learn. They promptly move on to something else equally trying and frustrating

    Goodness Bridget! I like how you're offering to be there for her. If she is at the end of her rope, it may just be the thing she needs right now. You're an awesome person. I can't say that enough.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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