Secular Confessions

**missychrissy** · 10-30-2010, 10:42 AM

We went out last night to celebrate my birthday. At the last minute, I decided to invite hubby along.

He was our designated driver...I did worry about him deciding to drink because historically I couldn't ever trust him not to drink even if he was the DD. He did well and he even danced with me. We had a great time. I really hope this lasts.

**daylilies** · 10-30-2010, 10:46 AM

I hope so too Chrissy!

**stash** · 10-30-2010, 12:52 PM

Yay, Chrissy! How fun and encouraging.

I have no idea if my theories hold water, according to "real psychology and social development." And honestly, I don't give a rip...

Intuition tells me that if a child spends more time in a week with their teachers and peers than with their parents and in their parent's community, they'll be more influenced by the former. Flip it and perhaps the latter. If we homeschool Oscar, he'll have exposure to teachers and peers. Just about 1/4 of it as an institutionally-schooled kid.

Besides, I don't LIKE most of who would be my kid's teachers and peers. Why would I subject him to them disproportionately?

**missychrissy** · 10-30-2010, 01:48 PM

Originally Posted by stash

Yay, Chrissy! How fun and encouraging.

I have no idea if my theories hold water, according to "real psychology and social development." And honestly, I don't give a rip...

Intuition tells me that if a child spends more time in a week with their teachers and peers than with their parents and in their parent's community, they'll be more influenced by the former. Flip it and perhaps the latter. If we homeschool Oscar, he'll have exposure to teachers and peers. Just about 1/4 of it as an institutionally-schooled kid.

Besides, I don't LIKE most of who would be my kid's teachers and peers. Why would I subject him to them disproportionately?

I think your theory makes perfect sense...like I said in my post, the research I read in those classes were about kids that attend public schools. I recall they touched on private school students as well, and for the most part there wasn't much difference in how the adolescents were susceptible to 'peer pressure'. Your points made me question "what if" all kids were home taught? I do believe their parents would definitely have more impact...and for kids with parents like you, and perhaps me, that would be a good thing.

Nature versus nurture is still a big question too...kids from good families and communities still have the potential to grow to be 'bad' adults. Some people are just born with a short circuit in their brain.

**AbbeysMom** · 10-30-2010, 02:50 PM

Originally Posted by The10Eels

I confess I called and had a talk with B last night. I informed him that the divorce is final, I have full custody, and he is not entitled to visitation, unless I approve. He was kind of speachless!

Originally Posted by bridgetwu75

So today all the kids are sitting around the table practicing cutting when one of the little guys I care for says, "Savana did you know if you lie or be bad you go to the devil?"
Savana said, "What is the devil"
Little boy said, "A really bad guy and if you lie or be bad you go to him"
Savana and Kai both looked at me like,

I hated hearing the little guy say that.

How scary!
I said, "Well, some people believe that and some people don't. Every family believes different things."
The little guy said, "It's real you know."
And my two lovely children spoke up so I didn't need to address it any further. Savana said, "Yeah, just like some people believe the Easter Bunny is real and some people believe he is pretend. And just like I think unicorns are real and mom thinks unicorns are pretend."
And Kai chimed in, "Yeah! And just like I believe markers have legs and can walk!"
At which point all the kids started laughing and the devil talk was over.
I'm so glad my kids get it so they aren't freaked out when they hear that stuff.

Smart kiddos!

---

Had to share this:

"Mark 11:12-14 (King James Version)

And on the morrow, when they were come from Bethany, he was hungry:

And seeing a fig tree afar off having leaves, he came, if haply he might find any thing thereon: and when he came to it, he found nothing but leaves; for the time of figs was not yet.

And Jesus answered and said unto it, No man eat fruit of thee hereafter for ever. And his disciples heard it."

**Cosmosmom** · 10-30-2010, 04:05 PM

As far as self-esteem....I think that a lot can factor into that. I grew up with a mom and dad who are good parents and really wanted me. they went to my school functions and mom was especially involved (dad sometimes worked 2nd or 3rd shift). Family didn't always have a lot of money as dad was an auto worker and laid off a lot as a kid. I have a sister that I'm super close to and adore.

I was not a popular kid and even today am shocked when old classmates remember me....but I did have a small group of friends. I was involved in school, student government, french club, orchestra and was a pretty good student. I did date a little bit and went to things like dances.

But I have been fat pretty much my entire life. I was chubby in grade school and fat in junior high and high school. As an adult I have been anywhere from obese to super morbidly obese. At times my self-esteem has taken some hits and had low times.....BUT for the most part I think I have pretty good self-esteem even though I'm fat. Usually one would think that the fat girl would have pretty bad self-esteem....don't know why I don't. I think that I'm alright looking, not a beauty but cute enough....and I do tend to think that I'm pretty smart in most areas when I want to be and I try to be a good person.

Maybe most important thing was having parents that I knew were involved in my life and wanted me? Or having something that I was fairly good at and enjoyed like school?

now my DH whose mom just adores him and really tried to build him...has awful self-esteem thanks to the emotionally abusive step dad he had for 15 years starting at age 9. I have been with him for 12 years and all that time of me telling him how good he is and how smart he is hasn't helped fixed that damage.

**Cosmosmom** · 10-30-2010, 04:05 PM

Chrissy keeping fingers crossed for you and Rich!

**Bridget** · 10-30-2010, 05:45 PM

I had the most emotional roller coaster of a birthday ever.
I woke up this morning and was just overwhelmed with memories of birthday's with my mom. She loved me so much, more than anyone could ever love me again. I wasn't prepared for how sad I would be.

And then we said goodbye to our dog today. I was able to find him a good home with no children. And Dbf was pretty uninvolved in the entire process of me finding this home except for to tell me how much he hated that we were giving our dog away and that it wasn't necessary. This has left me totally guilt ridden, like maybe I overreacted.

But on a good note, I know this will pass and I will feel better. Tomorrow we celebrate Halloween and Savana's birthday with a whole bunch of "creepy treats" that the kids and I will make in the morning. I'm so excited for that.

I won't lie. I thought more than once today that I'd love to throw back a bottle, er, glass of wine.

(Happy Birthday Chrissy!)

**missychrissy** · 10-30-2010, 06:07 PM

Happy Birthday Bridget

**rhiannasmoms43** · 10-30-2010, 07:58 PM

I confess...Gage loves Ballet

**Bridget** · 10-30-2010, 08:01 PM

Gage. I love it!

**missychrissy** · 10-30-2010, 08:03 PM

Go Gage!!! He's stinkin adorable!

**missychrissy** · 10-31-2010, 10:46 AM

Happy Halloween everyone!!

**daylilies** · 10-31-2010, 11:52 AM

Happy Halloween! Happy belated birthday Bridget. Gage is so cute Julie!
I went on a sleepover with the youth group at my church last night. I just felt kind of lost. I know it wasn't meant for me to have fun, it was for the kids and they seemed to enjoy it. But I just feel out of my league with the adults. UU's are pretty known for being into the environmental issues, human rights, politics, historical preservation, etc. and I'm just not up on the issues and I feel like a child sometimes next to all these people who seem more intelligent than I am. I would have rather hung out with the kids and played truth or dare. LOL

**Cosmosmom** · 10-31-2010, 12:43 PM

Kate don't worry about it. If anything most UU's would be accepting even if you aren't super up on all the issues yet. There's always time to learn more.

and certainly nobody is expected to be into everything and know everything about everything.
I do agree though, I noticed in both I have gone too that in general (but not all for sure!) but the UU church tends to attract those very into social justice issues, college professors, environmental kinds of people.

I went this morning and it a really nice service about fallen leaves and about the seasons changing and remembering those who have passed. We got to write down a name of someone or a pet we lost on a paper leaf and the names were read and the leaves hung on the big swag of branches up front. It was hard to keep it together since my loss is only two weeks old but I do love being in church especially when the sun is shining. And it was nice since we didn't do much in the way of a funeral/service for my uncle.

**daylilies** · 10-31-2010, 01:04 PM

Aw, that sounds very nice Jennifer.

**missychrissy** · 10-31-2010, 07:33 PM

Golly it was frigid out for trick-or-treating!! I don't know what the temp was, but there were fat snow flakes floating in the air. Eek!! I had boots, gloves, 2 sweaters, and my hood on & I was still cold!!

Bobbie & Jessica went out too and I have to say...they're selfish imps. I had to remind them about their cells phones, directv in their bedrooms, and who took them all the way to Owego just so they could go trick or treating to get 1 piece of candy. Yes, I was a bit manipulative

**daylilies** · 11-01-2010, 06:37 AM

LOL Chrissy!
We took Josh to the mall TOT and then came home. I wasn't expecting any TOTers because we got like 2 last year, but we had some candy that DH uses for ice cream mix ins, so I was just going to use that. We got like 20 people! I gave Josh the candy bowl and he answered the door in his pirate costume. He got a real kick out of it.

**missychrissy** · 11-01-2010, 07:01 AM

I love it when the little kids answer the door & pass out candy. I overheard one Grandfather saying, "No sitting down on the job! Grandpa need chocolate!!" It cracked me up.

I love halloween.

**3andMe** · 11-01-2010, 07:53 AM

We took the kids out TOTing and I was relieved that they got enough candy I could use it as a backup in case we got any trick or treaters, because I'd eaten the bag I'd bought for our house. DH did not want me to buy any (because of our diet) but didn't want me to steal it from our kids. He spent the evening teaching them words like pancreas and diabetes.

Luckily we didn't get any trick or treaters.

**Cosmosmom** · 11-01-2010, 09:02 AM

We got enough kids last night that we only had four candy bars left! And DH finished that off this morning. Between the stress of worrying about moms upcoming divorce and my uncles death, I gained 4.4 lbs in 2.5 weeks. Not cool so back to counting WW points for me.

So my MIL has decided that she needs to stay in the Chicago area until Sept next year for retirement vested purposes. Sounds like after that she will be headed up to Milwaukee where all her family is and her friends. MIL is going to be 60 so not a great age to be looking at jobs and dealing with finding health insurance but her husband is saying that he doesn't want to screw her over and isn't rushing the divorce will not do it until she's ready health insurance wise. MIL thinks her parents will only have a few years, like maybe two before they will pass on. After that happens, she is moving up by us and there is a strong possibility she will just move in with us. We would finish off the basement....it's currently insulated and studded out for a family room, full bathroom and bedroom...and both the family room and bedroom have full size windows (would add value for sure since it would up the sq footage and we would legally be 4 bedroom 3 bathroom house instead of the 3 bed, 2 bath we currently are). We would share the kitchen....but it would be cool to have more family meals and home cooked meals instead of eating in front of the TV like DH and I currently do (I cook sometimes but we order pizza or chinese more often than we should and don't do roasts often but I love a more traditional meal like that).
This way we wouldn't have to think about daycare at all. Mom would love to take care of her grandchild. and we could take a weekend trip once in a while....we have been wanting to go up north since we moved here but we just don't because of Cosmo. I cannot kennel her....Cosmo doesn't really know she is a dog and that is my fault. But I also don't have anyone we trust up here....our last vacation was Vegas but we drove to my parents and just flew out of Milwaukee instead of Minneapolis which is much closer.

**stash** · 11-01-2010, 09:16 AM

Kate, everyone learns from someone. Ask questions, don't be ashamed.

Dude, I

Gage.

Bridget, happy birthday and I'm sorry for the sad thoughts

I confess my Fing droid seems to be error-ing out when I try to get to the forums and so I'm only on when I'm working which is next to never (if I can help it) this week.

And dude, can I vent for a second? Who the F ever heard of someone working right after birth? I have been, since two days after Gus was born. Granted I can't complain. I'm home. He nurses every session, no bottles yet. I have help. But come on, my brain doesn't FUNCTION right now.

I also confess I physically pushed Oscar away from Gus and I this morning. We were all in the tub together and Oscar was simply not listening to my words when I asked him to sit still and give us personal space and he came lunging at us, and my mama-bear instinct put my hand up and pushed his chest back. He handled it well, I apologized and we talked about it afterward, but dude I have NEVER laid an aggressive (even though it wasn't that aggressive) hand on my kid before.

**daylilies** · 11-01-2010, 10:54 AM

It's okay, Stacy. You were protecting Gus. I'm sure you explained it well to him afterward.

**Bridget** · 11-01-2010, 11:21 AM

That is tough, Stacy. I totally understand how it could happen. I know my least proudest moments as a parent happened when Kai was an infant and Savana would hurt him.

I never felt to so angry at her before or since. And O is old enough to understand your need to protect Gus and also to accept, appreciate, and learn from your apology.

**Bridget** · 11-01-2010, 11:27 AM

I am burdened with guilt for giving up our dog. I can't stop thinking about it. And dbf is, like, depressed about it.
The worst part of it all is that in the final moments when we were making the call on if he should stay with us or go to his new home, I asked dbf to look me in the eye and tell me that we were in this together. That we agreed together that we were doing the best thing. That he wasn't going to blame me or hold it against me that we had to say goodbye. He promised me that it wasn't going to be like that. That as much as he didn't want to give up Koa, he knew we had to.
My cousin came over yesterday and when she asked where Koa was and I told her she said, "Oh, that's too bad. Was he getting worse?" I said no, that it was just the one bite but that we felt the risk was too great with the baby coming. Dbf said, "I thought he was fine."
He broke his word the first opportunity he had to show me that we were united. I just wonder if he's even capable of being genuine.

**Bridget** · 11-01-2010, 11:28 AM

Oh! And Savana is five today!

**stash** · 11-01-2010, 11:58 AM

Oh BLAH Bridget, I'm sorry. Please try to let it go. You did your best.

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAVANNAH!

**Cosmosmom** · 11-01-2010, 12:49 PM

Happy Birthday to Savana!

As far as the dog, it's not like you dropped him off at the humane society or didn't put any thought into it. You had to do what you thought was best for the kids....especially with a newborn coming along.
And maybe someday one baby is older and there aren't such little kids in the house...maybe you could have another dog.
I'm a dog person.....but I wouldn't want to deal with a new baby and a dog I didn't trust or wasn't completely trained. There is a reason why I decided to not get a puppy right now as we are gearing up to start the adoption process next year.

**missychrissy** · 11-01-2010, 12:53 PM

Bridget. I'm sure the situation will always make you sad, but instantly remind yourself that you did the right thing for you, your family, and the dog. Believe that. My sheltie was rehomed with us from my bil's house and I can assure you he's very happy with us. (the neighbors complained about his barking so much my bil actually got 2 tickets for it).

**daylilies** · 11-01-2010, 12:59 PM

I'm so sorry about Koa Bridget. And happy birthday Bridget!
I'm just so frustrated. I'm gaining weight back (I had lost 10 lbs in the last couple months) and DH is still being the same with Josh. I told him I wanted to take a more gentle approach with Josh and he agreed but it seems like he's just jumping to the easiest solution of yelling at him or sending him to his room. That makes it hard for me to stick to gentle approaches, too.
We're also having money issues and I don't know when this gym is going to be open so I can start working there.

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