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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #14551
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    So I know it's kind of early but I have started window shopping online for baby things. I get amazon gift cards from my credit card and since we charge basically whatever we can, they add up. I have $175 at home right now and tend to get $25 every month or every other month. I don't really have much I want to buy at this point...we rarely buy books anymore (it would be weird to be a librarian and not use the local library!) I don't even really have much in the way of DVD's I want to buy soon as I get the last season of 90210. So I was thinking about slowly picking up baby gear some of the big ticket items that I would be unlikely to get in a shower like a crib or high chair. Or at the very least even if it is a while before buying, start looking and making lists. I'm very much a planner! We don't plan on getting started until May/June with the classes and home study (mostly due to money) but once we get on the list, it's really unpredictable how long it would be before a bith mom picks us (I'm biased but I think that are going to be great parents and if I was a birth mom I would pick us .....we are both educated, have jobs, have a nice home in a family friendly city, have a strong and happy 12 year relationship, a cute dog, family that is very excited to be an aunt/grandparents, and with my cousins being adopted our baby wouldn't be alone in that in the family). And I'm only 32 so I'm ok with waiting if it takes a while (a year or two isn't uncommon)....just gives us time to save more money. It just feels so good to know that at some point I will get to be a mom and have a baby....for a while I thought that was really out of reach for me and wouldn't ever happen and that was the one thing I have wanted since I can remember.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  2. #14552

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    I'm excited for you guys, Jennifer!

  3. #14553
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    It just feels so good to know that at some point I will get to be a mom and have a baby....for a while I thought that was really out of reach for me and wouldn't ever happen and that was the one thing I have wanted since I can remember.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  4. #14554
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    One good thing about MIL's divorce is that she might actually end up living in our town by the time we get a baby. Her first stop will be Milwaukee since that is where her parents are and they are up there in age and she wants to be close for when they need her. Once they are gone though, she will come and live by us since DH is her only kid.....good thing I adore my MIL and we are really close! I would really love to have some family up here when we have a baby....right now we are about 4.5 hours from all my family, 6 hours from my MIL and 3.5 hours from Milwaukee where the rest of DH's family lives. My sister has been wanting to move closer to us but can only do it if she finds a job and of course the past two years not many people hiring for GIS (what she does....and she currently has a job doing that in our hometown).

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  5. #14555

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    I'm so beyond excited for you Jennifer!!!!!

    And that's a great idea about saving up Amazon gift cards for when things get closer
    Debra ~ Attached Mama to Isla! 2/08

  6. #14556
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    Even DH has started saying things like when instead of if we have a little dude.

    We know at one point his company gave up to 5K to help with adoption....but we don't know if that was a lost benefit during the recession. I asked if that was a deal breaker for him and he said no. Of course that would help and be nice but not something we would let stop us.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  7. #14557
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    I don't know all the details, but there are federal and perhaps state tax breaks for adoptions as well. It's worth looking into.

    Are you a part of any adoption specific message boards? There you could find a wealth of information and support. Not that we aren't supportive, but you kwim

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  8. #14558
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    Oh yeah I know about the tax breaks....it's partially how I got DH to agree to the money...the only catch is that you can't claim until year adoption is final but of course we will start shelling out money in the spring when we start with the classes and home study. He's just very tight and conservative with our money.....his mom still can't believe I talked him into getting the house (he seriously wanted to save and wait until we were in our 40's and could pay cash!). So for him say that the 5K from his job wasn't a deal breaker for him was pretty meaningful and I kind of thought he would say it was. It's nice that he's starting to want it almost as much as me....considering 4 years ago right before we started TTC, he wasn't totally sold on the idea.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  9. #14559
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    So I confess....I picked up four bags of candy for this weekend and between the death in the family and the stress of worrying about MIL, we ate at least one bag, maybe a bit more so I need to buy more again. DH ate more than I did but I had my share....he said he had to "test it out" and make sure it was suitable tasting to hand out Sunday. I should have gotten candy that we didn't like!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  10. #14560

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    Awesome to know about your adoption plans!

    Babies rock.



  11. #14561

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    LOL, everyone knows you have to test the candy before handing it out!
    We don't get any trick or treaters so I have no excuse to buy candy!
    Actually a couple weeks ago my mom brought us two boxes of really good assorted chocolates. She called me the next day and said "Why didn't you remind me you were on a diet?" Like I'm really going to turn away chocolate!

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    We never got any before but we lived in a rental apartment/townhouse area. But our subdivision is more isolated now and we know that there are a number of kids who live there...seems just about every other house has a playground thing outside. Just don't know how many kids will going around. Should be decent weather for us though...about 50 and not raining.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    We never get trick-or-treaters either. Not here, and not at our last house. My favorite thing is 'helping' the kids eat theirs.

    When I was growing up we never got trick-or-treaters either, but my father would always buy an assortment of mini-chocolates and make little sandwich baggies. The bowl would sit on the counter and he'd take one a day with him to work. I'm sure it was all done on purpose!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  14. #14564
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    My parents have their house all decked out, complete with grave yard out front. My poor dad had to take it all down for the that nasty wind we had Tues and yesterday...and now has to set it all back up again.

    Last weekend once it was dark my parents went outside in the black capes (couldn't see it was them) and just started walking in the yard...no sounds and not doing anything scary. My first grade cousin (the third grader didn't fall for it) was like, is that for real and he started walking away from the house backwards. I went with him and was like dude, that's uncle wayne. cousin was like oh you guys and slapped his forehead and than tried to play like he knew it was my dad the whole time. LOL

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  15. #14565

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    So today all the kids are sitting around the table practicing cutting when one of the little guys I care for says, "Savana did you know if you lie or be bad you go to the devil?"
    Savana said, "What is the devil"
    Little boy said, "A really bad guy and if you lie or be bad you go to him"
    Savana and Kai both looked at me like,
    I hated hearing the little guy say that. How scary!
    I said, "Well, some people believe that and some people don't. Every family believes different things."
    The little guy said, "It's real you know."
    And my two lovely children spoke up so I didn't need to address it any further. Savana said, "Yeah, just like some people believe the Easter Bunny is real and some people believe he is pretend. And just like I think unicorns are real and mom thinks unicorns are pretend."
    And Kai chimed in, "Yeah! And just like I believe markers have legs and can walk!"
    At which point all the kids started laughing and the devil talk was over.
    I'm so glad my kids get it so they aren't freaked out when they hear that stuff.

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    I confess I called and had a talk with B last night. I informed him that the divorce is final, I have full custody, and he is not entitled to visitation, unless I approve. He was kind of speachless!

  17. #14567

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    Good for you Ash!

  18. #14568

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    LOL Jennifer!
    Yay Bridget, you have such smart kids! They handled that better than I probably would have, lol

  19. #14569
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    Let's say you grew up with a mom who constantly told you how wonderful, awesome, beautiful and talented you were. You knew she loved you unconditionally and more than anything in the whole world, including herself. What then would make you grow up to have no self esteem?

  20. #14570
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    For real? What was the relationship with Dad like?

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  21. #14571
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    For real? What was the relationship with Dad like?
    Yes, I also wonder about relationship with Dad, siblings, etc.

    Also, to a large extent our personality is based on genetics and modified by our environment. So depending on genetics...
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  22. #14572
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    So a student asked me today, "What are you going to be for Halloween?"

    I answered, "A grumpy speech teacher." Immediately I heard one of the teachers aides - one I don't much care for - laugh loudly. Can't decide whether I should be offended by that, as I said it myself! Just didn't expect her to think it was THAT funny!
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  23. #14573
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    I confess that I went for a meeting with Denver School of Nursing (DSN) today. I didn't think I would be in a nursing program for a long time since where I'm at now, I would have to considerably up my GPA and then worry about large payments, and this school isn't really accredited the way I want it to be. But I also knew we might not be able to afford the payments at DSN either. They have in-house financing for the balance that my student loans won't cover and the payments are doable. There's no reason why I shouldn't be able to get into this school and from what the admissions adviser had to say, I will be in the program either in April or July. More than like July but possibly April. Yay!
    Janeen - 30, Jimi - 42; Married October 21st, 2006;


  24. #14574
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    Quote Originally Posted by Janeen View Post
    I confess that I went for a meeting with Denver School of Nursing (DSN) today. I didn't think I would be in a nursing program for a long time since where I'm at now, I would have to considerably up my GPA and then worry about large payments, and this school isn't really accredited the way I want it to be. But I also knew we might not be able to afford the payments at DSN either. They have in-house financing for the balance that my student loans won't cover and the payments are doable. There's no reason why I shouldn't be able to get into this school and from what the admissions adviser had to say, I will be in the program either in April or July. More than like July but possibly April. Yay!
    That's awesome!
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  25. #14575
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    For real? What was the relationship with Dad like?
    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Yes, I also wonder about relationship with Dad, siblings, etc.

    Also, to a large extent our personality is based on genetics and modified by our environment. So depending on genetics...
    Was this in response to me? If so, no relationship with dad, no siblings. If not, sorry!

  26. #14576

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bean View Post
    Was this in response to me? If so, no relationship with dad, no siblings. If not, sorry!
    Maybe the lack of relationship with dad? Peers?
    It's so hard to know without knowing the person. I think it's hard to know even when you do know the person. There isn't always a clear answer.

    I just had a similar conversation this past weekend.
    My cousin has a 13 year old daughter who has just been admitted to the hospital with an eating disorder. She thinks she is fat and ugly and my cousin and her husband are just beating themselves up wondering what they did or didn't do to get her there.

  27. #14577
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bean View Post
    Let's say you grew up with a mom who constantly told you how wonderful, awesome, beautiful and talented you were. You knew she loved you unconditionally and more than anything in the whole world, including herself. What then would make you grow up to have no self esteem?
    Some of what the other people said, and also how the mom felt about herself--if the mom was a very secure person who valued herself and considered herself worthy and expected others around her to think of her the same way, that would just reinforce that she was right and that you were awesome. If she had low self-esteem and was constantly apologizing for herself and for being a burden, then it would be really easy to question how well she could evaluate it.

    Peers, other familial relationships, and genetics definitely come in to play.


    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    We don't get any trick or treaters so I have no excuse to buy candy!
    We never get any trick-or-treaters, either, but I still buy candy because it would be really awful to have someone show up and have nothing to give up.

    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    It was totally one of those times where I was doing just what I always dreamed about doing with my kids.
    I LOVE times like that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    It just feels so good to know that at some point I will get to be a mom and have a baby....for a while I thought that was really out of reach for me and wouldn't ever happen and that was the one thing I have wanted since I can remember.
    That is so exciting!!!


  28. #14578

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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    So today all the kids are sitting around the table practicing cutting when one of the little guys I care for says, "Savana did you know if you lie or be bad you go to the devil?"
    Savana said, "What is the devil"
    Little boy said, "A really bad guy and if you lie or be bad you go to him"
    Savana and Kai both looked at me like,
    I hated hearing the little guy say that. How scary!
    I said, "Well, some people believe that and some people don't. Every family believes different things."
    The little guy said, "It's real you know."
    And my two lovely children spoke up so I didn't need to address it any further. Savana said, "Yeah, just like some people believe the Easter Bunny is real and some people believe he is pretend. And just like I think unicorns are real and mom thinks unicorns are pretend."
    And Kai chimed in, "Yeah! And just like I believe markers have legs and can walk!"
    At which point all the kids started laughing and the devil talk was over.
    I'm so glad my kids get it so they aren't freaked out when they hear that stuff.
    Oh Bridget, that's awesome.



  29. #14579

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    Parents forget that they're not their childrens' only influence, especially in American society. Peers and teachers rank as #1 in terms of influence when children hit school age. Even if you're a fantastic parent, those people impact them - positvely and, overwhelmingly and unfortunately, negatively.

    It's the #1 reason I'm for homeschooling my kids, and working for my own business. I'm not against having external influences (tv and current events count), but if more than 30 hours a week of their time (and more) is spent under someone else's influence? I can't expect to have a strong, consistent impact...

    soapbox...



  30. #14580
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    Quote Originally Posted by Janeen View Post
    I confess that I went for a meeting with Denver School of Nursing (DSN) today. I didn't think I would be in a nursing program for a long time since where I'm at now, I would have to considerably up my GPA and then worry about large payments, and this school isn't really accredited the way I want it to be. But I also knew we might not be able to afford the payments at DSN either. They have in-house financing for the balance that my student loans won't cover and the payments are doable. There's no reason why I shouldn't be able to get into this school and from what the admissions adviser had to say, I will be in the program either in April or July. More than like July but possibly April. Yay!
    Awesome!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Bean View Post
    Was this in response to me? If so, no relationship with dad, no siblings. If not, sorry!
    Some experts believe that the father/daughter relationship is more crucial to her self esteem and self worth than the mother/daughter one.

    Quote Originally Posted by stash View Post
    Parents forget that they're not their childrens' only influence, especially in American society. Peers and teachers rank as #1 in terms of influence when children hit school age. Even if you're a fantastic parent, those people impact them - positvely and, overwhelmingly and unfortunately, negatively.

    It's the #1 reason I'm for homeschooling my kids, and working for my own business. I'm not against having external influences (tv and current events count), but if more than 30 hours a week of their time (and more) is spent under someone else's influence? I can't expect to have a strong, consistent impact...

    soapbox...
    This too. Especially in adolescents, the kids get their self esteem from their peers and make decisions based on what their friends say. Many parents like to believe they have more influence over their kids than they really have at this age...developmentally, it's a normal thing to do through and there's not a darn thing parents can do about it. If there's a situation where a child seeks advice and he/she gets it from their parents and their friends say something else, they're more likely to follow their friend's advice.

    I think it would be fascinating to read studies that compare public school children with home-schooled children to see how that plays out. When I took human development, everything I read was geared toward children that are involved in public school.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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