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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #14011
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lydia View Post
    Hey Jennifer, I'm not sure what your ttc story is, but you've got to have had a medical workup?

    However, once you get out of the habit of DTD, it's hard to get back into it. It feels all awkward and weird.
    Yeah when we were at the year mark of trying...I went to the infertility clinic. He tested just fine and we know I ovulate. We even tried clomid to see if it would get the cycles a bit longer as my average was 22-25 (it didn't help). I did that for three months going in on clomid...and OMG the O pains from that...first time I also went to the ER. Did the ultrasounds and I seem to make big eggs....I was usually at 29-31mm in size. Last cycle I even had three big follicles and nothing. Hormone tests were all fine...well that was the case a almost two years ago. I am hypothyroid but that has been stable on meds for over 10 years.

    I was basically told to lose weight....which I had been working on and was why I had the gastric bypass. I got all upset and did the opposite (about 20 lbs) so now I have a bit more to lose. We both need to lose some weight and are currently working on that.

    So I was thinking about it....and really it's a little more often than I thought because I think in terms of cycles but when you have a shorter one...that is less than a month especially when factoring in spotting/AF.

    There is definitely something there about if you don't get any for a while, you lose desire. The more often, the more you want to.
    When it does happen, it's like ****, why didn't we do this sooner....lets do this more often. But the whole work schedule thing makes it hard.
    I should have just not been so careful in college when we had the time (I was lucky and had a private dorm room ).
    We have been together for 12.5 years....ever since I was 19 and a freshman in college.

    But we did have some fun this afternoon.... and it turns out that it's CD8 and O has been anywhere from CD 10 to 16.....plus I have been on Vitex for a few months now and I think it seems to be helping with a better cycle length...

    We don't have insurance cover for IUI or IVF in my state so that is out of the question. If nothing in the next few months, I'm getting a new puppy. And if still nothing, we might look into foster to adopt...both my cousins were adopted out of foster care.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  2. #14012
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    Quote Originally Posted by stash View Post
    Ah, okay. Honestly Chrissy, it sounds like you're at the end of your rope and have been for a while. The sense of resignation and complacency when you talk about it is what clues me in. If there was still something left to work on, you'd have some passion about it... angry, sad, annoyed, something.
    You're probably right. I'm pretty sure that I'll be looking for a place on my own when it's time to move. I've just about made up my mind about that.

    Even if we split for a while, it wouldn't have to be forever. I can't see us getting back together, but I do still like him a lot and love him so who knows.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  3. #14013
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    He always enjoys it when we do have sex, and so do I, but he was also about 40-45 lbs overweight for a while so I suspect something similar to Lydia's situation was happening here, and also when he was drinking he had no interest. .
    Mine doesn't drink really (he's never even been tipsy) but I sure do like to drink and that is the one time I'm really in the mood in the past year or two. I think I just relax more with some alcohol in me but than it hurts his feelings thinking I need to be tipsy to be with him. But that is done since I'm doing WW and it's just too many points.

    We have the issue of food....we eat a meal but than he is too full to want to fool around. So than it has to be planned to happen before dinner but after I get home from work and we have such limited time since he works nights......weekends generally are better though.

    Weight yup got that....though I don't think that is a problem. We both could stand to lose 50 lbs but he gains and loses easily has fluctuated throughout the years so it's really not something that is an issue and as for me, I have been plus size my entire life basically since I was six years old. So he's been with me thinner than I am now...thinnest was a size 18 but also much bigger than right now. We just had a lot more time on our hands when we were in college.

    Oh and sometimes we might be in the mood but my skin might be acting up. I have hidradentis and sometimes it really flares and I might have a cyst that is really painful (and they can be ping pong ball to golf ball sized) and most common area is upper inner thighs so yeah that can be a mood killer if that is flaring! The doctors really can't do anything so I basically just have to wait until it is finished and calms down. Usually it's worse right before AF though.

    We do really enjoy it when it happens...but my DH is really sensitive and emotional and often is just as happy to cuddle and kiss. It is so hard for me to picture him trying to get some if we were fighting or even just not feeling really emotionally connected. Cuddles and hugs after a fight...definitely but just not sex.

    It is definitely interesting seeing how different all relationships are.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  4. #14014
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    Ooooo, we have a freeze warning for tonight! I just love the fall.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  5. #14015
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    I'm still waiting for it to stay below 100! Actually it was 99 today and temps in the 90's and 80's this coming week so starting to cool off finally ... we're having our fall, too!

    DH and I are very intimate with each other emotionally and physically most of the time as well, whatever else is or isn't going on. He's actually much more romantic than I am, which never stops surprising me. But we aren't the type to have sex when we're angry, either. You're right, everyone's relationship is so different and you never really do know what is going on on the inside for another couple, or what it is that makes them work (or not work, as the case may be).
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  6. #14016
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    Well I haven't turned the furnace on yet since we moved in June. But I did have to have the windows all closed today and actually had a reason to turn the fireplace on for a little while. I can't believe that I ever thought of not going with a fireplace. I just love having it! Ok so the flames a bit low but I have it low since it's not THAT cold up here yet.


    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  7. #14017

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    He didn't. It's hard to explain, but I he said it after I listed my litany of things that make me think about divorce, and he said kinda sadly "I guess we should get a divorce then." It's like he said that because he thought that's what I wanted to hear. I was the one that brought it up...he never has.

    Who knows, maybe that is what I wanted to hear, because it didn't upset me.
    I hope that it works out for the best, whatever that may be. IMHO there has to be some reason why you still need to talk to him about it, like you might not be sure yet?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Ooooo, we have a freeze warning for tonight! I just love the fall.
    Oh, I miss the cold weather.
    I have no idea why Texas homes have fireplaces. It's like it's just there to taunt me.

    ---
    wanted to share this:


    ha.
    Last edited by AbbeysMom; 10-02-2010 at 10:48 PM.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  8. #14018
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    haha!!

    I have mentioned getting my own place when the lease is up, but I don't think he believes I'm serious. I don't hound on the idea of it because if he does start to realize how serious I am, he'll either get really angry and we'll have lots to shout at each other about, or he'll be tremendously hurt. While I don't relish the idea of having shouting matches, that would be easier for me to handle. As time gets close, believe me he'll know I'm serious because I'm not going to just move out on him without any warning. He knows what my issues are. During our last conversation I told him that just because I don't whine about them every day doesn't mean I'm not still bothered. It just means I'm sick to death of repeating myself. I told him the ball is in his court...if he wants us to continue. imo, I've said all I can say.

    Today is a nice day for fall. I don't particularly like the fall because it means winter is coming. It's generally cold here from November-April or May. That's way more cold than I care to have.

    I agree having a fireplace is nice. This is the first house I've lived in that's had one. My next house probably won't have one though, especially if I'm going to live there on my own. I cannot light a fire. It was hysterical the one time Jessica & I tried to get one going. I had paper, kindling, and matches and just couldn't get the darn thing going!! I'm not a real outdoorsy girl.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  9. #14019

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    Ugh! I felt like an idiot at my church group today. First of all I was rushing around because I forgot I was supposed to go to the service for a little bit because they were doing a little ceremony for new members. So I did that and I had to be late for my class and I felt awkward walking in late (reminds me of being late for school lol)
    Then my co-leader (the new one now) had a different plan from what I had planned on. She brought cards with pictures of religious leaders and info on them on the back. Now admittedly I don't know a lot about world religions. I was introduced to UUism at age 9 and never really looked back. I'm like that with a lot of things. If I find something that works for me I don't bother to learn much about the other options. LOL So I felt sort of dumb not having much to contribute the leaders on the cards. Sometimes the kids knew more than I did. Although I was the only one who recognized the Dalai Lama.
    I'm all set for next week though. My helper is going to be out so they're working on finding someone else to help me. I'm gonna tell her/him what's up, LOL

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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    Ash, are you sure an animal didn't steal the tomato?
    Not totally positive it wasn't an animal, but we haven't seen any animals big enough to do that around lately... It was sometime in the middle of the day because my mom saw it when she came home and was going to have it for lunch. then when she went back to get it later it was gone.


    We had a cucumber and zucchini plant that were both dug up with sticks by some local boys, so my mom is now assuming that's who messed with her tomato.

  11. #14021
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    I confess that dieting does not agree with me! I hate hate hate attempting to lose weight. It makes me so crabby!

    Oh, and a funny story to share with y'all...I was in the town centre with my SIL and nephew the other day. We had been to a fabric shop for some material for curtains. Any how, my 3 year old nephew found a piece of blue thread, about a yard long; he dragged it around and proclaimed that he was walking his doggy. So, he took this thread everywhere...then, we went outside and it was really windy...my SIL said to him to hold it tight to not let it get away...well, about 3 minutes later, he let it go...it ended up under some guys shoe who was on his cell phone walking away...my SIL had to run up to him and say "sorry, sir, can I just get this string from under your foot...sorry, I know I'm crazy." LOL...the guy looked at her like wha? That's true motherly dedication for ya right there!

  12. #14022

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    Oh man I hate my diet too. It's frustrating me to no end. I just have no self control.

  13. #14023
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Oh man I hate my diet too. It's frustrating me to no end. I just have no self control.
    I'm not too bad with the self control; it's how feeling hungry makes me feel that is awful to me. My mood has always been connected with how full my belly is...

  14. #14024
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    I'm livid at my scale. I weighed myself at the mall and it indicated 7 lbs more than our bathroom scale. I figured it must be off but Bobbie said the dr's scale weighed her about 10 lbs more than our home one. dammitalltohellandback!!

    On the bright side (?) I must have been 10 lbs heavier to start with. I've still lost 30 lbs, even if I'm not as light as I was hoping I was.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  15. #14025

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    Quote Originally Posted by silverstar View Post
    I'm not too bad with the self control; it's how feeling hungry makes me feel that is awful to me. My mood has always been connected with how full my belly is...
    I see! To me it's not even about being hungry. Eating is connected to my emotions.

  16. #14026

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    I'm not sure how much more I can take of this. DH asked me how my church class was going and I basically told him some info, the main point being that we're probably going to visit the LDS on next Sunday. So after I told him that he nodded and said "So when is that, next Thursday?"
    OMG...I almost snapped right then.
    Oh I forgot, I probably shouldn't have told him while we were folding laundry. Apparently that takes all of his brain power.

  17. #14027
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    Is it reasonable for Bobbie to expect privacy when her bf is over? We have a rule in our house that the bedroom door can't be closed when a s/o is over (no sex!), and whenever they've had their friends over in the past the girls have all been good about including Conner in on whatever they're doing. Now Bobbie has a bf and he's really cool with Conner, but Bobbie is starting to get witchy about Conner following them around all over and she was snapping at him. Bobbie told me she expects privacy with her bf. I told her that's hard to get in a household like ours...besides, she spent the entire afternoon (from 1-8:30) with Thomas yesterday. I just don't know what to think. I certainly don't want to be constantly distracting Conner just because she wants to be on her bed making out with her bf.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  18. #14028
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post

    I agree having a fireplace is nice. This is the first house I've lived in that's had one. My next house probably won't have one though, especially if I'm going to live there on my own. I cannot light a fire. It was hysterical the one time Jessica & I tried to get one going. I had paper, kindling, and matches and just couldn't get the darn thing going!! I'm not a real outdoorsy girl.
    Chrissy, yeah I'm up pretty far in Wisconsin so we have our share of cold months! Probably will see the first snow next month and that pretty much goes to April or May. I don't love the snow or the cold....I think that last Jan. we only had a few days tops where we were not below zeros.....but I do the fall and the changing leaves and the smell and the crisp air and not having to have air conditioning or heat on yet and apples and snuggling under blankets.

    So our fireplace is gas....so all we have to do is flip a switch. We are both scared of fire. I cannot use a lighter or matches and people thought I was nuts but I insisted on an electric stove when we were building (and I grew up with gas!). Took us both over 30 minutes to get the pilot light going on the fireplace and we had instructions and all we had to do was push some buttons a certain way in a certain order.
    There is no way I would have wanted a wood burning one....we would never use it.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  19. #14029

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    Kate I feel like I'm talking to myself all the time too so I know the feeling.
    Sorry your class didn't go as plan. You really do need that plan to follow through, don't you? You would hate my life. I swear, things never go the way they are supposed to. It's like one mishap after another. It's been like that my whole life, even growing up with my mom and dad. My whole life has been missed flights, leaky tents, flat tires, lost purses, wrong turns, coffee beans in the soup instead of split peas (long story). I don't even stress anymore because when everything goes astray it's totally expected. I think I'm thankful for that. I have learned well that everything is usually okay in the end.

    Kai has found a really clever way around my no guns rule. He's "shooting seeds into his garden"
    He knows just the thing to say to his mama.
    Last edited by Bridget; 10-03-2010 at 07:08 PM.

  20. #14030
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    I hate dieting too. I have been doing WW for about a month now, maybe a little more. I have lost literally 2 lbs. I seem to lose about .2 of a pound a week. I have been pretty good about staying in points and I try to always estimate up if I don't have an exact measurement.

    I have no will power and I have a major hunger issue (to the point of feeling hunger just 3 weeks after my gastric bypass six years ago...I wasn't supposed to feel hunger for at least 9 months. But at least after surgery I actually knew what it felt like to be full. The clinic wasn't quite sure what to do about me). Nights are the big problem. I'm kind of looking into trying hypnosis to see if that can help me out with the night snacking and maybe giving up the diet mt dew....I went without pop for over 18 months....I was such an idiot to ever start that up again.
    The good part I guess is at least I'm not gaining and so far the changes I have made so far are ones that I can easily keep doing and live with.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  21. #14031
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    Bridget, I'm like Kate...I like to have a plan and I like things to go according to my plan. Actually I usually have a plan A, B and C just in case. I like neatness and order....a bit of a mess is ok but it has to be an organized mess. I have piles on my desk at work but I know what is in those piles.


    Chrissy, maybe some balance could be done? I would NOT have been happy if my sister (and she's only 5 years younger) had bothered me all the time with I was in HS and with friends or a boyfriend. Sometimes I had to do things with her and include but not always.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  22. #14032
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Is it reasonable for Bobbie to expect privacy when her bf is over?
    No This is me with the two under three talking... I don't know...I guess it would depend on the situation. I think if a couple wants privacy, and it's not to make out etc..then take a hike. Literally, take a hike. Or a walk.. something of the sort. With four kids and two parents sharing a house, she can't really expect that everyone else should leave them alone...at the same time, I would probably be a ticked off teen if I always had to share my space. ( I was the baby, never had to share )

    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    My whole life has been missed flights, leaky tents, flat tires, lost purses, wrong turns, coffee beans in the soup instead of split peas (long story). I don't even stress anymore because when everything goes astray it's totally expected. I think I'm thankful for that. I have learned well that everything is usually okay in the end.

    This sounds like the start of a great book!
    Just Midge

  23. #14033
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    Quote Originally Posted by midgeend View Post
    This sounds like the start of a great book!
    Oh, it does!
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  24. #14034

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    I tried to tell myself that this morning, that everything would be okay. But really, since we couldn't discuss UUism this morning like I wanted to, so we could compare it to the other religions we visit, now we won't be able to, because we are discussing LDS next week, visiting their church the wekk after, discussing wicca the week after that, then going to one of their ceremonies the next week, etc.
    I think I freak out when things don't go as planned because I tend to obsess over what I want to happen, what I want to say, etc. because I'm not good with off the cuff things. So when something unexpected happens I don't know how to respond to it unless I have prepared for it. I know life doesn't go that way, that random things happen, etc. but it makes me really nervous. I'm so neurotic LOL It's like I need my life to be a script but obviously it doesn't work that way.

  25. #14035

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    Oh and, I don't think Bobbie should expect privacy with her boyfriend in your house. Conner probably doesn't understand that or at least doesn't appreciate it since he's been included so well thus far and now all of a sudden Bobbie is dropping him for another guy! Ouch.

  26. #14036

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    I hate dieting too. I have been doing WW for about a month now, maybe a little more. I have lost literally 2 lbs. I seem to lose about .2 of a pound a week. I have been pretty good about staying in points and I try to always estimate up if I don't have an exact measurement.

    I have no will power and I have a major hunger issue (to the point of feeling hunger just 3 weeks after my gastric bypass six years ago...I wasn't supposed to feel hunger for at least 9 months. But at least after surgery I actually knew what it felt like to be full. The clinic wasn't quite sure what to do about me). Nights are the big problem. I'm kind of looking into trying hypnosis to see if that can help me out with the night snacking and maybe giving up the diet mt dew....I went without pop for over 18 months....I was such an idiot to ever start that up again.
    The good part I guess is at least I'm not gaining and so far the changes I have made so far are ones that I can easily keep doing and live with.
    Have you tried drinking water or tea when you feel hungry? I've heard that a lot of the time when you think you're hungry, you're just thirsty.

  27. #14037
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    Quote Originally Posted by midgeend View Post
    No This is me with the two under three talking... I don't know...I guess it would depend on the situation. I think if a couple wants privacy, and it's not to make out etc..then take a hike. Literally, take a hike. Or a walk.. something of the sort. With four kids and two parents sharing a house, she can't really expect that everyone else should leave them alone...at the same time, I would probably be a ticked off teen if I always had to share my space. ( I was the baby, never had to share )
    That's my feeling too. And if they really want to be alone, they can go to his house.

    I don't think it's fair of Bobbie to suddenly change the rules on Conner. She always welcomes him whenever anyone else is around. How's he supposed to know that Thomas is different? He doesn't. He just knows there's another guy around and he likes to wrestle too...so of course Conner thinks he's his new best friend! lol

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  28. #14038

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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    Kate I feel like I'm talking to myself all the time too so I know the feeling.
    Sorry your class didn't go as plan. You really do need that plan to follow through, don't you? You would hate my life. I swear, things never go the way they are supposed to. It's like one mishap after another. It's been like that my whole life, even growing up with my mom and dad. My whole life has been missed flights, leaky tents, flat tires, lost purses, wrong turns, coffee beans in the soup instead of split peas (long story). I don't even stress anymore because when everything goes astray it's totally expected. I think I'm thankful for that. I have learned well that everything is usually okay in the end.

    Kai has found a really clever way around my no guns rule. He's "shooting seeds into his garden"
    He knows just the thing to say to his mama.
    Oscar shoots just bad guys to help the good guys. He's very careful, he says, to make sure they're really bad

    I can relate, Bridget. As much as I truly adore my life and feel so blessed (I mean this in the most secular of senses), it's also been 39 years of upside-down sideways and never what I expected. I think that's taught both you and I in different ways that absolutely no amount of planning and preparation can prepare you for truly living. That said, I'm a big planner. I don't mind if things don't go accordingly, but I try my darnedest to foresee and contend with anything I can ahead of time.



  29. #14039

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    And I'm with you Chrissy, no privacy. It's Conner's house, too.



  30. #14040
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Have you tried drinking water or tea when you feel hungry? I've heard that a lot of the time when you think you're hungry, you're just thirsty.
    Oh yeah I do that. Sadly I drink too much water I think....again it's the nights that are the hard part for me and as it is I usually get up several times at night. I am not one to fall asleep easily (again why I got so into the habit of nightly drinks before bed...I slept that way! But the alkie is all gone from the house...).

    I think that I really irritate poor Cosmo since she sleeps with me. I would irritate DH but he's a 3rd shifter so he's not around....

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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