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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #13921
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    Quote Originally Posted by stash View Post
    Oh, my, Lydia. Ten inches? I think I'd be in the ER for something half that!

    I know, seriously! That's why I had to say I saw it on the web. I was shocked. Pretty much if I saw any kind of 10 inch swelling I'd be calling for help. Really.


  2. #13922

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    I confess I'm up at 4am to take a bath and read because it feels like I have a shoulder in my pelvic bone and my arm is so itchy I can't stand it. Who invented late pregnancy and why? It really does make me think there's a god, he's vengeful, and he's misogynistic. His mom didn't give him enough booby or something.



  3. #13923

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    You're not the only night owl, Stacy (I hope the shoulder in your pelvis feeling went away). It's 3 am & I'm pissed at myself for being up because I woke from a bad dream that most likely stemmed from a talk/fight I had with Dh tonight. While we fight about specific stuff like parenting choices and money matters, mostly I am just fed up overall about the way we fight. It seems that whenever his logic starts to fall apart and he can no longer defend himself with words, he starts to get peevish with me or outright accuses me of "having to be right all the time" which shuts down all discussion. I told him we need to talk to a counselor or something, because I was losing the desire to work on us.

    I confess my telling him all this looked totally out of the blue. We'd just come back from a movie (Scott Pilgrim vs. the World - weird, but thumbs up) and everything must have seemed hunky dory, except that's part of the problem; I'm so practiced at biting my tongue that it's always surprising when I finally say that something bothered me. Honestly, I'm in no rush to talk to a marriage counselor. I am just sick of pretending everything is fine, and I already feel better for even putting it out there that things aren't. I felt the only important thing to share at this point is that I'm worried about us. I tried to get DH to see it as a good sign that I feel we don't have to work it all out right away. It means I appreciate the size of the problem and I'm still in it for the long haul, willing to take the time to let trust and goodwill grow back into the relationship. But typical impatient guy - DH just wants this fixed and done in one shot.

    I confess the last couple paragraphs took a half hour to write, and I'm still not sure it made sense. Chalk it up to my sleepiness and lack of resolve about my relationship at the moment.

    And thanks everybody for the sympathy about my dad. It's just tough to watch how frustrating the aging process is/will be for him. Stash, I confess when I read your post following mine, I scrolled up and looked for something I should have been consoling Chrissy for too. I was thinking, "Are boudoir pics a bad thing?"

    Kate, here's the handwashing song. I learned it from my SIL's ex-husband who's a shaman in Maine who also teaches music to kids. I guess you can probably make up a melody that goes with it (or I will sing it on YouTube for you - lol):

    Hands-a-washin', Hands-a-washin'
    Wash them till they're clean
    Get some soap and get some water
    Wash them till they're clean

    (sing slow)
    But wheeeeere's the towel to pat them dry?
    It's on the rack, it's
    Much.
    Too.
    High.

    Sooooo...

    (start shaking hands)
    Now we have to shake 'em
    shake 'em shake 'em shake 'em
    Now we have to shake 'em
    shake 'em 'til they're dry


    Then you can actually do other body parts, like feet-a-washin'. My niece likes belly washin' and tushie washin' the best because those are her favorite bits to shake.

    OK, I'm gonna try to get some sleep again. Hope everyone wakes up shiny in morning - no swelling from wasp stings, things less tense with our fellas and all that good stuff.
    Last edited by demigraf; 09-30-2010 at 05:25 AM.

  4. #13924

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    Quote Originally Posted by stash View Post
    I confess I'm up at 4am to take a bath and read because it feels like I have a shoulder in my pelvic bone and my arm is so itchy I can't stand it. Who invented late pregnancy and why? It really does make me think there's a god, he's vengeful, and he's misogynistic. His mom didn't give him enough booby or something.
    I love you.
    I got so itchy at the end of my pregnancy with Savana I wanted to take my skin right off.

  5. #13925
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    How'd Kai do last night? I also believe the breathing issues are almost instant. Rich is allergic to 2 or 3 different types of bees and when he gets stung, he breaks out in hives and has difficulty breathing in mere minutes...if even that. At our old house, he was in the middle of the back yard and was totally covered in hives by the time he came up the back stairs. He was never allergic to any as a child, so those allergies can change.

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    I told him we need to talk to a counselor or something, because I was losing the desire to work on us.
    For what it's worth, I think if you have the desire now you should do it because my own experience is that if it's left along too long, the desire for marriage counseling quickly fades away and becomes a "why bother?" feeling.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  6. #13926
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    And at Stacy's comment about God not getting enough booby or something!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  7. #13927

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    Thanks for the song, demigraf! (Jeez, I forget your real name again...sigh)
    I actually started singing a song when Josh was refusing to get dressed, and it sort of worked...he ran around making up silly words to the song...so maybe that will stick. If you get the time to sing the washing song on youtube I would take a look
    And all the stuff you said about your husband made sense to me. Guys want to fix things.

  8. #13928

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    Myles, seeing a counselor isn't a bad idea. For DH and I, we talked to our therapist (we used to share the same therapist) together when things got really stupid for a while. Honestly, just a couple of chats with her made us both realize how idiotic we were being, and instigated enough change to move us in a positive direction. I hope that happens for you.



  9. #13929

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    Ack - Diplomacy FAIL! Initiate Damage Control sequence. DH gave me the sulky stink-eye all morning. So now he's stewing at me for having issues with him. Guess that's fair. I didn't want either of us pretending we were ok with the other person, and now he openly has a problem with me for having a problem with him. Before I left for work, I asked him if he still wanted to go to the Farmer's Market with me & B, and he totally deadpanned "Yeah, I guess. See ya later." I will take responsibility for the fact that he's not acting grateful for my honesty about my resentment of him last night, although I confess, I half-expected that response.

    You ladies are right. We need counseling sooner rather than later. For the record, I will be ok if we reach the conclusion with a counselor that I'm being unreasonable. I just need some help seeing things that way. Ack ack.

  10. #13930
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    I wish relationships didn't have to be so hard sometimes.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  11. #13931

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    I wish relationships didn't have to be so hard sometimes.
    Me too! I mean seriously when is enough enough?

  12. #13932
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Me too! I mean seriously when is enough enough?
    I find myself asking that question constantly. I don't want to give up too soon, but I don't want to continue on in a non-winning situation either.

    The pros/cons list is pretty evenly split right now....except when I'm mad at him. Then the cons list is heavier

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  13. #13933

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    Lol

  14. #13934

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    Here here on the difficulty of relationships. I feel like if I ever make it out of this mess I am going to stay alone.

    Kai is such a trooper and his face is really swollen but he's fine. He tells me it doesn't hurt at all and is just his normal self. I, on the other hand, am a mess. I didn't sleep hardly a wink because I was so worried about him having a late allergic reaction so I kept waking to check and then I'd finally fall asleep, only to dream about it. I gave up on sleep around 3am and was on here for bit before getting about an hour when my alarm went off.

    So today in the craft area I filled all my glue containers with white paint instead of glue and I washed a library book in my washing machine. Joy.

  15. #13935

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    Oh dear!

  16. #13936
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    ita about staying alone. I can't go through this or anything like it again. Today I'm so down I feel like I could just burst into tears at any moment, and really nothing drastic has happened. Well, not drastic in comparison to other things that have occurred in the last year or two.

    I'm sure it probably doesn't bother him Bridget. My girls were allergic to all kinds of bug bites and they'd swell up something awful at each site...but it didn't hurt them. If they got bit on the face, their eye would literally swell shut.

    Pregnancy brain in full force

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    I confess a overdue cell phone bill from when I was 19, that I had TOTALLY forgotten about has come back now to bite me in the ass... only... the company never switched the contract into my name, and it is now showing as in collections on my moms credit report....

  18. #13938

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    Oh no!

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    What was a $700 phone bill, has turned into a $2149.99 bill....

    There goes my savings that I built up since leaving B....

  20. #13940

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    OMG, yikes! can you set up a way to pay it off monthly with the collection agency?

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    Before I even knew what the final balance was, my mom had paid with her credit card...

    I offered to go to the bank, and get them a cashiers check, and she told me no, they wouldn't take all of my savings like that, they'll let me pay a bit at a time... so I am going to get them $600 after lunch, and pay from there...

  22. #13942
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    Oh no! How long had it been? If it was close to 7 years, I would have let it go because it has to drop at that time. They often will make a last ditch effort to collect when they're nearing the end.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  23. Default

    It was 3 years..

  24. #13944

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    I confess my kid is schizophrenic these days with the impending new baby. This morning he was a total wacko during his lessons with my SIL and actually hit her. In the face. He never hits. Then he had a great play date with friends and a wonderful afternoon with me and DH. I swear, parenting isn't easy.

    I guess we have two intimate relationships that are a lot harder than they should be, huh guys? Significant others and kids. Thing is, we're all taught how hard it is to be a parent in advance, but we think that getting married will somehow result in happily ever after with minimal effort.

    Sigh.



  25. #13945
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    Sorry for those of you with relationship troubles. I'm only guessing but thinking that maybe adding kids really complicates things.
    My DH annoys me once in a while and we occasionally fight but mostly we're lucky to have a very easy relationship and are best friends...after being together 12 years and married for 7. But I think that he is not like a lot of men in that he will help cook, he cleans, and he's willing to talk about things even his feelings and he loves to snuggle. Biggest problem is we aren't the most "active" couple...a few times a month is good...anything more than three times and that would be up on the higher end. Not the best way to try to get pg (though it used to be more and I think that we just got tired of trying).

    I guess I just believe that we can't have everything...not all at the same time. I have a job I like a lot, a great relationship, my dream house....but I'm missing a biggie....a baby.
    My good friend doesn't really like her job and isn't happy with their condo...but has a good relationship and the daughter and baby on the way that I want.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  26. #13946

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    I think Stacy's right about relationships being tough but I for one had no idea having a kid would be this hard. I thought he'd look up to me and want to please me and have the ability to do that and yeah...those country songs about having children really romanticize things LOL
    My mother told me it was hard but she tends to have low expectations of me so I didn't believe her. I thought how hard can it be, you feed them when they're hungry, change them when they're dirty and put them to bed when they're tired. And yeah that was true for the first 4 months...and then they get those pesky little personalities
    I also didn't realize marriage would be so hard. I thought we'd always be in that head over heels can't live without you stage. Why would I think things would ever change? But they did. I don't know why I didn't realize they could, having come from divorced parents.

    Ash, I'm glad it's paid off at least and that you can pay them back.

  27. #13947
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    Rich does a lot of wonderful things. I tend to only list the negatives. He cooks dinner every night, normally he is a great father, and he's head over heels in love with me. Of that I have no doubt. That's part of what complicates things for me when I do think about calling it quits. I doubt I'd find someone that loves me as much as he does. After 18 years of being together, we've 'slowed down' to just 2-3 times a week...and that part is good. From what he tells me, he thinks I'm the hottest woman that walked the planet. I have jokingly told him that if we split up, we'd have a 'friends with benefits' thing going on. 1/2 jokingly. He's also a hard worker and isn't lazy at all. He's giving and if anyone needs help he's there. He has a tendency to be a republican, but simply because that's how he was raised. I can discuss issues with him and explain the liberal point of view on almost any topic and he is very open minded and agrees that the liberal way is probably right. ;) Every single night he comes straight home from work. He doesn't stop off in bars, isn't interested in porn, and never wants a guys night out. The flip side of that is, he doesn't particularly like going out with me either, and I'm more social. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just too difficult to please.

    As for having kids, that's definitely hard. I think I've gotten accustomed to it though because it doesn't weigh on me as much as my relationship with my husband. With kids, everything is a phase and I know from experience all phases end. What I don't know, however, is if we're going to work out or not. Have I already waited too long? I don't regret any time that I've been with him, but I don't want to be one of those people that looks back at 'wasted years' and wishes I'd gotten out sooner.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  28. #13948

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    DH is bringing home my favorite wine He wanted to surprise me but he couldn't find it so he had to call me to find out the name. LOL

    Rich sounds a lot like my DH. Great worker, comes right home from work, honest and doesn't cut corners (to a fault, LOL)
    We just have not a single thing in common, it seems, and that's hard. We can humor each other, but sometimes I think it would be wonderful to be with someone who truly enjoys the same things.

  29. #13949

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    Kids complicated things for us simply because as a unit we were not ready to have kids. We hadn't even really known each other that long in the realm of things and suddenly then I was pregnant. It sounds really irresponsible and crazy but I didn't mind at all that I was pregnant. I was more than ready and happy to do it with or without him. But he stuck around. And we were very much in love. But we were living the nightlife and it's easy to be in love when you're just carefree all the time.

    The bottom line is that he misreprested himself to me in many, many ways. The traits that he talked about hating and the things he'd "never do". Turns out he is all those things. I kind of have this image in my head of our first year together must have been him smiling and nodding at everything I said. Because somehow I thought I'd finally found someone who really was similar to me and believed the things I did and that couldn't be further from the reality. Love cannot be that blind. I was tricked, I tell you.
    Last edited by Bridget; 09-30-2010 at 04:59 PM.

  30. #13950

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    I kind of feel that way too Bridget. DH insists he hasn't changed but I know I would not fall in love with the man he is today. He says it's because he has to be responsible now and he's stressed out by work and all that and it's not just fun and games anymore, like you said.

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