I'm glad she doesn't have to sing it!
I think a lot of Christian music is beautiful, and I like country music, which frequently has a religious message. I just kind of ignore the message.
I had my weekly dinner with my dad and brother last night. Afterwards I hung out at my brother's apt for a little while and he told me he's been having disturbing dreams about my mom. I asked him a little more about them and he said he thinks it all relates to how she was at the end.
You see, she was in hospice care for about a week and I was still running my daycare so I wouldn't ever get there until around 4pm or so and by then she was in and out of sleep and pretty incoherent and hardly even knew who I was. During the day was different, however and I'd never heard the full extent to how bad it was. My brother told me that there were 2 days where she would wake up and just start screaming at my dad and my two my brothers. She wanted to know why they were doing this to her. Begging them to take her home. Trying to leave the room and screaming and crying that they were trying to kill her.
He just said it killed a little part of him. And he knows it did my dad too. Her just wanting this one thing from the people that love her most and not understanding why they just wouldn't take her home. He just kept saying she was so unbelievably scared and there was nothing they could do to make her understand they were trying to help her. And by the time we got her home she was so heavily medicated, who knows if she even knew she was there. So he has these horrible dreams that keep him up at night.
We were both just sobbing on his couch and it was really painful but theraputic at the same time. It's just such bs that the end has to be so painful and torturous for people suffering from diseases like cancer. And I understand assisted suicide as a compassionate thing so much more that I have seen how horrible it can be.
Sorry for the ramble, ladies. My mind is overflowing this morning.
Last edited by Bridget; 09-24-2010 at 05:54 AM.
Ashley, sounds like that was good news about your dad. I believe that if it was truly his heart, the tests would have shown something.
has he ever had a panic attack before? those can be just awful and my first one I was certain I was having a heart attack (I was at my heaviest at that point and heart problems run in the family so not out of the question even though I was early 20's).
Chrissy, glad to hear that things worked out with the choir song. Though O Holy Night is my very favorite xmas song (really all the religious ones are pretty much some of my favorites...kind of funny since I'm NOT religious LOL).
I think the music is prettier than songs like Frosty, or jingle bells...
and I have no clue about the panic attacks... but they did say his blood pressure was sky high when he got in there... its was like 180/130 but they got it down
Last edited by The10Eels; 09-24-2010 at 08:20 AM.
I have been feeling crabby the past few days. I'm irritated because I'm on freaking day five of spotting. I just checked the past year and I normally spot but usually 1-3 days before AF, not five. I'm tired of wearing pads (not at home but I do at work in case) and AF isn't even here yet. Now I will probably have to deal with it on the weekend. And it's day 29....so my second longest in three years of keeping track. My average is 25 days.
Even work is irritating me and I'm not usually a person who gets annoyed easily......
Do you know if he has a follow-up appointment?
Big hugs, Bridget. Our neighbor and close family friend just lost his battle with lung cancer after 6 months of being diagnosed...he said in the beginning that he wanted to die at home...his family was not able to care for him near the end, so he went in to the hospice...he pretty much did like you said your mother did and shouted at his family and pleaded with them to take him home...it's horrible that cancer takes people like that.
Bridget, that is such a sad memory. I'm sorry. When I remember losing a loved one who had brain cancer and went out screaming and ranting and cussing, I try to think about that poem that goes "rage, rage against the dying of the light" and it makes me feel a little better to think he didn't go out without a fight.
Molly/Abbeysmom, it's nice to see you getting out and about on APA again, friend.
Ash - I hope your dad gets some answers soon, but for now no news is good news, I think.
Last edited by demigraf; 09-24-2010 at 10:59 AM.
That poem is "Do Not Go Gentle in to that Good Night" by Dylan Thomas.
Thank you. I totally spaced on the name/author of the poem.
Last edited by demigraf; 09-24-2010 at 12:55 PM.
I confess I totally didn't even think to ask Audrianna what she would like to be for Halloween... I just planned the girls costumes (Audri is a ringmaster/lion tamer and Charlie is a lion)
Just now we were talking about Halloween, and I was trying to get her to say "Trick or Treat" when my mom asked her what she wanted to be....
She wants to be a ballerina...
Awww...well ballerina outfits aren't too expensive, right? You could get her one, and keep the lion tamer one too. BTW kids tend to change their minds a lot about Halloween costumes--at least Josh does! I bought a pirate costume and a Thomas costume. I figure he can use both for regular dress up play at home.
I confess I semi-deliberately picked a job where I would almost always be the dumbest person in the room - you know, for the challenge of it and all. But, man, some days, it's just really ego-bruising to be that guy asking all the dumb questions and having people looking at you wondering if the elevator's ever gonna reach the top floor. Today is one of those days.
Bridget, I am so sorry.
Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
I confess I don't do it very often, but I yelled out the truck at people riding their bikes today...
There were 4 of them riding in the middle of the road, and taking their sweet @ss time... The road was a frontage road right by the main road in town, and there was a sidewalk right there... but instead of utilizing the sidewalk, they were stopping traffic.
As I passed I rolled down the window and yelled "There IS a sidewalk!" and the dad yells back "Where?!" So as I passed the mom, I yelled again and pointed. "RIGHT THERE!"
My mom was all "Maybe he didnt want his kids that close to the main road?" So he'd rather have them on an ACTUAL road, that gets just as busy as the main road?????
I must be PMSing or something because it pissed me off so bad that I was shaking. And the logical Ashley knows its really not THAT big of a deal..