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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #13531

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    I think you commit to trying and stop leaving the "door to divorce" open or you just agree to divorce. In my own relationship, we never, ever play around even half-heartedly with the idea of leaving each other. If it were necessary, we would, don't get me wrong. Neither of us would be one to stay in a crap relationship, but it's the use of the idea of leaving as an out that's dangerous. I think it keeps you (not you yourself, but the royal you) from trying, really trying, and keeping things real with each other. We've actually, verbally, agreed with each other than neither of us will ever joke about it, nor will either of us use it in anger against the other. I actually think it's a really powerful thing. In your case, there IS a point where you sit down with each other and say "this really isn't working and we're really done trying" but that's a decision point that you've yet to get to. Until then, the option needs to be put away (in my opinion).

    I have the weirdest problem. I garden, a lot. Sometime a month ago I stuck my right arm into something that made me itch like crazy (just my forearm). It hasn't stopped! My doc says I need to take an oral antihistamine to get rid of the itch, since my body is a little crazy and reacts systemically sometimes to topical issues. But I hate taking stuff when I'm pregnant. But I CAN'T take the antihistamine after baby is born because it can hose milk supply. So I'm going to take it this week. Weirdness.



  2. #13532
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    Quote Originally Posted by stash View Post
    I have the weirdest problem. I garden, a lot. Sometime a month ago I stuck my right arm into something that made me itch like crazy (just my forearm). It hasn't stopped! My doc says I need to take an oral antihistamine to get rid of the itch, since my body is a little crazy and reacts systemically sometimes to topical issues. But I hate taking stuff when I'm pregnant. But I CAN'T take the antihistamine after baby is born because it can hose milk supply. So I'm going to take it this week. Weirdness.
    Eeek! That doesn't sound good; my FIL is allergic to sunlight and if he's out in the sun/heat too long, he breaks out in big red itchy patches. Recently, it's happened more and more and he's had to start taking a steroid...poor man even has gone to Spain with us a couple of times and had to walk around in linen trousers and long sleeved shirts!

  3. #13533

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    Eww, that is weird Stacy. Hope it gets better soon.

    My problem with this whole relationship thing is that I like clear answers. I'd love it if there was something that said "when your relationship is like this, it's time to quit"
    But no, it's a very personal, huge decision and I hate making decisions. I can't even decide what I want for dinner most days.

  4. #13534
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I'd love it if there was something that said "when your relationship is like this, it's time to quit"
    That would be nice.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  5. #13535

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    I thought that so much before dbf cheated and that was a huge flag waving in my face that read, "IT'S TIME TO QUIT" and ****ed if I stayed. *sigh*

  6. #13536

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    We are never going to come up with a name for this baby. We can't agree on anything and now Savana has strong opinions too. Dbf is so hooked on naming it Nick or Nicole. I haven't had the heart yet to tell him that Nick was the name of a guy I was hooking up with shortly before I met him in Hawaii. Although I did tell him that Nicole was the name of one of the meanest girl ever during my middle school years. Isn't it funny how once you know someone by a name, it changes it for you forever?

  7. #13537
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    Back when DH and I were having problems I almost left him. Twice, actually. The first time, he held it over my head that I almost left - once. I told him that we were not going to go down that road, and as long as we agreed to be together, we had to be completely together. We weren't going to have anything like that hanging over us.

    Amazingly, he listened and he has kept to that. I do agree it's hard to be fully together with something like that hanging over you.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  8. #13538
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    Until this year, my dh and I never discussed leaving...except, of course, when we actually did split up in 95 & 96. Now, it's just me that thinks about it. I did tell him that it was on my mind, because I was so exasperated I didn't know what else I could say to wake him up.

    I'm not sure it worked. There's progress, then not so much.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  9. #13539
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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    We are never going to come up with a name for this baby. We can't agree on anything and now Savana has strong opinions too. Dbf is so hooked on naming it Nick or Nicole. I haven't had the heart yet to tell him that Nick was the name of a guy I was hooking up with shortly before I met him in Hawaii. Although I did tell him that Nicole was the name of one of the meanest girl ever during my middle school years. Isn't it funny how once you know someone by a name, it changes it for you forever?
    that's one of the things about working with children ... It rules out so many baby names!
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  10. #13540

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    LOL about the names, Bridget. I love the names Nick and Nicole, I have two cousins with those names and they're great. I agree the people you knew make a big impression on what you're going to name your kids. I love the name Sarah, but DH's longtime girlfriend before he met me was a Sara. Well, by longtime I mean like two years. LOL
    Oh there are plenty of red flags that we aren't right for each other. For instance he needs sex to survive and I could live without it. I bumped into him one day and I swear to you guys he thought it was a come on. He wiggled his eyebrows and said something suggestive. I was like Really? I can't hold his hand or give him a caring rub on the back or anything without him wanting to jump my bones. Which would be flattering if I wanted to have sex. LOL
    It's really hard to never be affectionate unless I want to have sex.

  11. #13541
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    Bridget, what about Nikhil...it's Indian but is sort like Nick without totally being Nick. And a little more unusual like Kai or Savana.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  12. #13542

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    I like Nikolai as a variation of Nick. I also think that once you name your child a name, they become the person to you, and within a few days of knowing your baby is Nick you won't even remember there are other people out there named Nick.
    Personally, I think some of the most amazing people on earth are named Nick (dh's name)

    "We cannot withhold facts for fear of offending because the importance of the information outweighs people's right to not be challenged in their beliefs." -Maddy Reid
    In memory of all APA babies gone too soon; always loved and never forgotten

  13. #13543

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    See, and I like neither name because I know two of each that I DON'T like.



  14. #13544

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    OMG AND something that sprung into my mind about an hour ago is that the girl dbf slept with when he cheated on me was named Nicole! Are you kidding me?
    Now in his half-hearted defense, he probably does not remember that all. He probably never even knew her name.

    And I actually really liked the Nick I used to hang out with, obviously, but I don't really care to name my son after him. And the other thing about the name is Nick is that my cousin lost a son to SIDS about 10 years ago and his name was Nicholas so I just don't think it would be right to take that name. So yeah, those names are out.

  15. #13545
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    What are your favorite names Bridget?

    I confess...I'm a liberal momma. I'm not going to advocate for my kids having sex, although I don't say they can't either. I just don't want it happening in my house! Strange hang-up, I know. But there it is.

    Bobbie and her bf are in her room and it's making me uncomfortable. The door is open, but still. I'm not as cool as I pretend to be. I won't say anything to her about it or change any of the rules, but this is not my favorite aspect of being a mom.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  16. #13546

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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    OMG AND something that sprung into my mind about an hour ago is that the girl dbf slept with when he cheated on me was named Nicole! Are you kidding me?
    Now in his half-hearted defense, he probably does not remember that all. He probably never even knew her name.

    And I actually really liked the Nick I used to hang out with, obviously, but I don't really care to name my son after him. And the other thing about the name is Nick is that my cousin lost a son to SIDS about 10 years ago and his name was Nicholas so I just don't think it would be right to take that name. So yeah, those names are out.
    Oh yeah, I would rule those names out! I was named after my dad's old girlfriend, and I think my dad probably hooked up with her again after he married my mom. I love my name, it's unique and dh loves it too (and I love the way he says it). But on another level I hate my name because my **** head dad picked it to honor his mistress.

    We have a girl's name (Annica Louise), but no clue what we will name a boy.

    "We cannot withhold facts for fear of offending because the importance of the information outweighs people's right to not be challenged in their beliefs." -Maddy Reid
    In memory of all APA babies gone too soon; always loved and never forgotten

  17. #13547

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    Oh Chrissy, I feel ya. I really hope my kids wait to have sex. But I recognize I need to let them make that choice, hard as it may be.

    I would like to name a girl Margaret, or Margo, for my mama. But dbf doesn't like those. I also like Anabelle, Emmaline, Lucy. Dbf doesn't like any of them. He likes Sierra, Sahara, Nicole. I just think Sahara and Sierra sound way to similar to Savana.

    For a boy when I was pregnant with Kai I wanted to name him Sebastian but I'm not feeling that anymore. I haven't actually come up with much for a boy. I like Shamus. Dbf likes the name Holdem which I'm saying hell to the no because Texas holdem is the poker game he plays and that's just lame even though he says that's not why.

  18. #13548

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    Just out of curiosity, is that why your username is Shanna(h)? So it's not exactly her name? That's messed up that your dad named you after his mistress. Then again Josh's name comes from a couple celebrities I have crushes on (DH doesn't realize this though), so who am I to talk?

  19. #13549

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    Er, Bridget, I would veto those names in a hot minute.



  20. #13550

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    Quote Originally Posted by stash View Post
    Er, Bridget, I would veto those names in a hot minute.
    Right? I told my friend about Sierra and Sahara and she said they sound like strippers.

  21. #13551

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    Strippers and a poker game. Too bad you're not having twins.

    Hey Bridget, how old are you? Not to be rude, but I'm wondering if I'm the only old Mama here. I just turned 39



  22. #13552
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    Bridget and I share the same birthday. She's 34.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  23. #13553

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    That's so cool that you have the same birthday!

  24. #13554

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    Ah. So I AM old.



  25. #13555

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    Dbf is 45. Does that make you feel better?

    Do you feel old though? I don't feel old. Not that my life is anywhere near what it was when I was "young" but I just still feel the same. Except cooler.

  26. #13556

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    Nah, I don't feel a bit old. Except today, when I was informed that my "advanced maternal age" puts me at more risk for placental deterioration late in pregnancy.

    I'm starting to think there is no. such. thing. as a stress free pregnancy. I am so glad this is my last time.



  27. #13557

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    I'm 46and keep wondering when I will grow up...adulthood never seemed so fun when I was a kid.
    Me: Julie-46 DH: Kelly-52 DD: Rhianna-17 DS: Gage-He's 3!

  28. #13558

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    Stacey, they love to scare you when there is nothing to prevent it from happening if it is going to happen.
    You will be fine. Millions of AMA have perfectly normal pregnancies and give birth to perfectly healthy babies.
    Me: Julie-46 DH: Kelly-52 DD: Rhianna-17 DS: Gage-He's 3!

  29. #13559

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    Yeah, I know. I'm just done done done being pregnant until my next lifetime.



  30. #13560

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    Quote Originally Posted by stash View Post
    Yeah, I know. I'm just done done done being pregnant until my next lifetime.
    Oh, I HEAR you
    Me: Julie-46 DH: Kelly-52 DD: Rhianna-17 DS: Gage-He's 3!

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