Secular Confessions

[Bridget]

Maggie, she is so adorable. And way to go on the breastfeeding. You're my inspiration for this next one.
Demigraf! Stick around!

[Bridget]

I'm going to attempt to take Savana and Kai to the art museum here in town. Savana I know will love it. Kai just gets the urge to run wherever he goes so I'll have to prepared to leave if he can't hang. Wish me luck!

This morning when I woke up I could hear Kai in the bathroom so I got up to check on him and he was sitting on the potty. I asked him if he was okay and he said, "Mom, I'm really scared about when you die that no one is going to cut up pancake or peel my fruit."

[intactivstmom]

Maggie, that is amazing!

Stacy, I'm just getting caught up after being away, and OMG! What an awful person. Seriously, I would go with you to egg his house. It seems wrong to me that the complaint wasn't kept anonymous. And I understand that he has the right to refuse to see you, but you needed some very important tests done, and it seems like any caring ob could put his hurt feelings aside to do something so important and vital. Why did he go into this field if helping pregnant woman isn't his priority!?

[missychrissy]

I worked in many dr's offices, and unfortunately a lot of them have large egos.

[daylilies]

Aw, Bridget!
Josh used to run off when he had to go to the bathroom too. That's how I lost him that one time at Lowe's. I even warned his preschool teachers about it.
I hope it went well for you guys!

[intactivstmom]

I worked in many dr's offices, and unfortunately a lot of them have large egos.

At first I thought this said large eggs. Like, maybe we should rethink our plan to egg his house, because his eggs are bigger so he could egg us back and it would be worse....I was so confused.

[missychrissy]

[stash]

This guy definitely has a large ego. He's the only genetics/maternal-fetal medicine guy in a town with about 100,000 people. Little pond, big... jackass

[Bridget]

I'm sitting here thinking and I don't think I've ever had a doctor for myself or my children that was what I would call "humbled". I've had a lot of eye rolls and dismissive answers in my experience.

The kids did awesome at the museum. It was really small so we didn't stay super long and there was an outdoor garden exhibit and no one else around so we didn't have to be quiet out there. I was proud of Kai. When I say he runs, it's not that he runs off really. He just really loves to run. Whenever we go to a store he'll say, "Can I run down this part?" when we get into an empty aisle. And I love to see him run. He pumps his arms super hard and watches them as he goes. It's hilarious.

We stopped at goodwill and got some puzzles so came home and worked on those. It was such a nice peaceful day until dbf came home. I can't even pinpoint what he does. It's almost just an energy that surrounds him. The kids were excited to see him but then everything just went haywire and they were both crying within the hour. And the way he handles things just escalates every situation. So it's not that the behaviors don't happen when it's just them and me. It's that I can usually diffuse the situation without a big hullabaloo. Like at one point Kai was drinking out of a water bottle and dbf was all, in his demando fashion, "Share!" because Savana wanted a drink. So Kai was, of course, taking forever and drinking really slow. Dbf just rips the bottle away from Kai and hands it to Savana and tells Kai he "needs to learn to share".
Dude. You can't bark at your children to practice kindness and then not treat the exact situation you speak of with unkind behavior. It doesn't make ANY f***ing sense!!

[missychrissy]

<3 Kai.

Ugh...what are you going to do with him Bridget?

[stash]

Oh BLAH Bridget. Why are people like that? What doesn't he get?

[Bridget]

He truly does not get it. He finds annoying behavior annoying and thinks it should stop. Period. He doesn't get at all that some of it is totally developmentally appropriate.
The thing is he likes this with adults and children alike. And he's totally dillusional because he doesn't see how his behavior is such a poor example to the kids and also annoying to other adults as well. Like, he will yell at the dog and then get made at the kids for yelling at the dog. The kids will say his name 10 times and he won't answer but he gets mad at them for ignoring him when he talks to them. He expects them to have perfect manners but he'll leave the table without asking to be excused and when they are in his way he'll say, "Move!" instead of excuse me. He's totally blind to his own faults.

The best one of all is this. He will tell you hates liars.

[missychrissy]

That really makes me so sad for you Bridget. I don't know how you restrain yourself from beating him upside the head with a heavy rolling pin.

[missychrissy]

It's kinda a big day at our house. Bobbie has a boyfriend-a real boyfriend that she's head over heels for, and he's coming over! She's too funny because she's usually my biggest slacker when it comes to housework. She will vent and grumble and say, "Why do we have to ___ no one will see." or "no one will care" or "It's not a big deal if ___ is out" but she's scrambling around the house right now cleaning like a madwoman!!

I'm a little concerned only because this boy has a reputation of going through girls at a fast rate. I don't say anything to her of course, but I worry about her getting a broken heart.

I thought dating was complicated when I was a teen. It's nothing compared to the fears and worries I have now that I have 2 teen girls.

[Gwenn]

How exciting for Bobbie! I also hope he treats her well.

[stash]

O. My. God. I cannot think about having teenagers. This is when I am glad I have boys. Though that will come with its own horror show, I'm sure don't you just wish you could fast forward through some of it for them?

[daylilies]

Aww, that's cute Chrissy. I hope he's good to her.
I started my first day of teaching that 8-9th grade group I told you guys about at church. They seem like an awesome bunch. Today was a little haphazard because the woman I'm teaching with wasn't there, so we had a sub, but she had taught the class before so she was helpful. We just talked and asked each other questions about religion and spirituality and stuff. They are incredibly insightful, you guys. I think I'm in over my head, LOL

[missychrissy]

Teenagers really aren't that bad. A lot of times it's fun, actually.

[daylilies]

I think they're great too. I mean with the limited exposure I have to them LOL. I keep seeing people say it's worse than having a toddler and I guess I can see how it could be really stressful, but I can honestly say I think it will be better!

[intactivstmom]

Maybe we need to start the Nurture Shock discussions again and skip to the chapters about sleep. After reading that chapter I decided teenagers aren't scary and that they don't deserve their bad rep. We just need to give them lots of sleep.

[rhiannasmoms43]

Maybe we need to start the Nurture Shock discussions again and skip to the chapters about sleep. After reading that chapter I decided teenagers aren't scary and that they don't deserve their bad rep. We just need to give them lots of sleep.

Hahaha...try getting them to bed!!!!
I confess that all these "Like" Christ posts on another site are really starting to set my teeth on edge...I want to comment to every. single. one. even though they are my friends and I have to be good.

[intactivstmom]

Hahaha...try getting them to bed!!!!
I confess that all these "Like" Christ posts on another site are really starting to set my teeth on edge...I want to comment to every. single. one. even though they are my friends and I have to be good.

Our plan is too not register them for their first classes of the day all through high school, rather than try to give them an early bedtime. Probably 95% of all high school students here have a free period so they can attend a religion class of campus. We'll just sign them up for the free period and keep them home. I'm not sure if it would be legal to just not have them in a class otherwise. But if it is legal I really recommend parents look into it.

[Bridget]

Maybe we need to start the Nurture Shock discussions again and skip to the chapters about sleep. After reading that chapter I decided teenagers aren't scary and that they don't deserve their bad rep. We just need to give them lots of sleep.

I just brought this up to my cousin today. Her first year college step daughter was saying she would never take an early morning class because she never did well in her morning classes in highschool. My cousin was telling her that she might have to suck it up if there's ever a class she needs at that time.
So of course I chimed in, "Actually, some studies show...."
My cousin was less than thrilled with my knowledge but SD seemed to appreciate it.

I honestly treated my mom like crap when I was a teenager and never wanted to be around her. It breaks my heart to think about that now because what I wouldn't give for more days with her. But if I'm totally honest, she wasn't very nice to me sometimes and yelled and belittled me a lot. Of course things changed as we both grew but those years sucked. I hope I will show my children more compassion and understanding like you do, Chrissy. And thus maintain a relationship with them. I just don't want them to ever stop talking to me. And I really hope they don't do the naughty stuff I did.

[missychrissy]

It's not always roses and laughter around here. We've had our go-rounds. When you're 15, you think you know everything and have the whole world figured out. When you're my age, you know you know practically nothing, and the world rarely makes any sense. Different perspectives.

[The10Eels]

I confess this was the first sunday in who knows HOW long that my mom did not drag me or the girls to church. I rather enjoyed snuggling in bed with my two girls until 10 am, then lazily getting ready and spending the rest of the day with my new friend and her kids!!

I think Audrianna has a crush on one of her boys! lol We were getting ready to leave as she was putting her lo's to bed, and Audri ran into the bedroom, climbed into the bed, and got under the covers with him! EEKS

This was after the older one was running around in just his underwear, Audri gave him a hug, and he came up and said "She keeps giving me hugs with no clothes on!"

She and I looked at each other and said "Oh, PLEASE! NOT YET!!"

[demigraf]

He truly does not get it. He finds annoying behavior annoying and thinks it should stop. Period. He doesn't get at all that some of it is totally developmentally appropriate.
The thing is he likes this with adults and children alike. And he's totally dillusional because he doesn't see how his behavior is such a poor example to the kids and also annoying to other adults as well. Like, he will yell at the dog and then get made at the kids for yelling at the dog. The kids will say his name 10 times and he won't answer but he gets mad at them for ignoring him when he talks to them. He expects them to have perfect manners but he'll leave the table without asking to be excused and when they are in his way he'll say, "Move!" instead of excuse me. He's totally blind to his own faults.

The best one of all is this. He will tell you hates liars.

Gee, that sounds familiar. Is your DBF the type to read a parenting book? My DH isn't. Anyway, I have been reading "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline" (which is much better than it sounds ) on and off, and even just skimming it has already given me some good direction. The book says we have to first discipline ourselves before we can effectively discipline our children, and I think it even has some exercises for staying in control of yourself while your kid is acting up. The book really hammers home the point that we have to model the behavior we want for our kids. Since DH learns by watching, I find myself treating him in the same way - like I have to model how I want him to parent. I tend to think out loud for his benefit when I'm trying to stay calm and see things from Bodhi's little toddler perspective.

LOL... It's a juggling act to stay on top of all that behavior modeling while the kid's in mid-meltdown. It's kind of feels like I'm playing chess with two people at the same time i.e. putting myself in the kid's shoes and talking him down from his ledge, while at the same time watching DH watch me parent, and knowing both of them may mimic how I behave in the situation. Us moms should really get an award for pulling off stuff like that, but then it wouldn't necessarily be the best example if we go around and start demanding recognition for what great examples we're setting, now would it?

And while we're talking books, Nurture Shock rocked! I hadn't had such a fun read since Freakonomics. Both books were so easy to get sucked into and changed the way I see things. Good stuff.

[daylilies]

I found myself nodding along with your whole post, demigraf--too much to quote LOL
I confess I've really been kind of freaking out a lot lately. I used to be able to handle stress and recharge to come back and deal with more but lately it just feels like I'm on empty as far as patience goes. DH is not home a lot so things don't get on his nerves as quickly. If I ask Josh to clean up and he takes his sweet time about it I start to get antsy while DH is telling me to calm down, he's just being a kid. I feel like I have to say everything 10 times and Josh doesn't listen until I raise my voice or send him to his room until he's ready to do what I asked. I've been told that you're not supposed to let your kids see that they're getting on their nerves and I feel terrible when it happens. I feel like he's going to grow up with these memories that mom is a biatch and that's not what I envisioned when I pictured parenting.

[missychrissy]

I confess this was the first sunday in who knows HOW long that my mom did not drag me or the girls to church. I rather enjoyed snuggling in bed with my two girls until 10 am, then lazily getting ready and spending the rest of the day with my new friend and her kids!!

I think Audrianna has a crush on one of her boys! lol We were getting ready to leave as she was putting her lo's to bed, and Audri ran into the bedroom, climbed into the bed, and got under the covers with him! EEKS

This was after the older one was running around in just his underwear, Audri gave him a hug, and he came up and said "She keeps giving me hugs with no clothes on!"

She and I looked at each other and said "Oh, PLEASE! NOT YET!!"

That's too funny!

I found myself nodding along with your whole post, demigraf--too much to quote LOL
I confess I've really been kind of freaking out a lot lately. I used to be able to handle stress and recharge to come back and deal with more but lately it just feels like I'm on empty as far as patience goes. DH is not home a lot so things don't get on his nerves as quickly. If I ask Josh to clean up and he takes his sweet time about it I start to get antsy while DH is telling me to calm down, he's just being a kid. I feel like I have to say everything 10 times and Josh doesn't listen until I raise my voice or send him to his room until he's ready to do what I asked. I've been told that you're not supposed to let your kids see that they're getting on their nerves and I feel terrible when it happens. I feel like he's going to grow up with these memories that mom is a biatch and that's not what I envisioned when I pictured parenting.

Conner won't clean on his own yet. He'll help me though when I ask him to. I wouldn't be able to have him pick up all his toys if I weren't right there doing it with him.

He does like to dust and stuff, so I think we're even.

[missychrissy]

I honestly treated my mom like crap when I was a teenager and never wanted to be around her. It breaks my heart to think about that now because what I wouldn't give for more days with her. But if I'm totally honest, she wasn't very nice to me sometimes and yelled and belittled me a lot. Of course things changed as we both grew but those years sucked. I hope I will show my children more compassion and understanding like you do, Chrissy. And thus maintain a relationship with them. I just don't want them to ever stop talking to me. And I really hope they don't do the naughty stuff I did.

I actually thought about this a lot last night. Maybe I'm different, but my girls have said some 'awful' things to me too and honestly, it doesn't hurt. Sometimes they're trying to hurt, sometimes it comes out because they're hurting, and sometimes they're just being funny, but whatever the circumstances are I'm hearing it from the perspective of an adult that knows...basically they're full of it. On many things I just let their comments alone and overlook it because I know either they don't mean it, or they'll change their mind when they're older.

The only thing that my girls have said that's made me wonder about myself as a parent is they're adamant they do not want to get married. Jessica is especially vocal about that. I know Rich and I have had problems in the last couple years, but their childhood was empty of any conflict between their father and I. Maybe they have that opinion based on things that have nothing to do with us, but I can't help but sometimes have ruminating thoughts about why they're so against marriage.

Maybe it's just because they're progressive thinking young ladies, but I still wonder if we 'did' something to turn them off of marriage.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that although you may have said some hurtful things when you were a teenager, it's possible it didn't hurt as much as you were hoping at the time. Teenagers tend to overestimate their verbal power. At least, mine do.

[missychrissy]

I'll also add that it makes those "Mom, I like you!" statements from Conner all that much sweeter.