Secular Confessions

[The10Eels]

I have to call the Advising center when they open, and set up an appointment. They'll be able to tell me at that appointment.... I have a copy of my WWCC transcript around here somewhere, but it was only a 3 credit course in AK, so Im not sure how that would do for a transfer when its 4 credits here?

[missychrissy]

Hopefully you'll be able to take the class online. I think the credit hours are determined by the state? But I'm not 100% sure on that.

I didn't have much luck with my previous classes transferring, and both schools I attended were NY schools.

Hopefully you'll be more lucky.

[Bridget]

I think sometimes dealing with the SO is kinda like having an extra kid.

In my case, absolutely. I have even found that most outings are more peaceful when it's just me and the kids because they are so easy for me to keep happy. When dbf comes along he's more of an extra person to contend with than a help.

[daylilies]

Yes, exactly what you guys are saying about DH being like a kid. Plus he hates doing stuff like going to the zoo, or a park, or something. He'd rather be home cleaning or something else productive. And then when he does that, he feels bad because he didn't spend enough time with Josh. It's a vicious cycle.

[missychrissy]

Rich does the same thing. I stopped doing 'family date night' because he would act up so bad it ruined it for all of us. Conner throwing his pepperoni into the Christmas tree at the restaurant was better behaved than Rich.

I've taken my 4 kids plus some of their friends and was able to have a nice time. It's really aggravating...and sad. When I got to work with seniors, many of them told me that the one regret they had was not spending more time doing 'fun' things with their families when their children were young. I wish some men would get that before they reached 80.

[Gwenn]

I have definitely been there with the DH acting like a child situation. There are certain situations I just avoid because I don't want to deal with the end result. He's been much better recently.

DH left this morning to go back to training and he's planning to come back at least one more time. It was really nice to see him and this separation has really done a lot to strengthen our relationship in its way. Unfortunately we spent some time dealing with ghosts of the past but it didn't have to do with the present. Just fall-out from when he was out of control. But, I'm glad we got it all out on the table and dealt with it like mature adults. Now it can't hurt us because we've gone over it. I'm glad he's coming back again and that will be behind us.

The friend thing, since I didn't comment earlier, I also have a very good friend from age 7 who lives on the east coast. We are in touch regularly for the most part although every so often we'll get busy and lose touch but we always find each other again. I moved west before high school and I have a couple of casual friends from HS but for the most part I've changed my environment and circumstances every few years since then, and when I do I tend to change my friends along with it. DH is my best friend and constant contact. Within the last few years as I've been much more mature I've made some of the best friends I've ever had.

Ashley, I have taken classes at both the community college and the university in the same city and I noticed the CC would inflate the credits sometimes, like 4 credit hours for a language class that would be 3 credits at the U. I think they did that because they charged by the credit hour, honestly, and the U just had a flat full-time rate. Not sure how the CC got away with that. Hope you really enjoy your classes! I'm pulling for you.

Krista, welcome back and jump right in.

[3andMe]

My dh never developed very good coping skills for family disagreements or tensions, probably because his mother just gave him the silent treatment for days on end when she was mad at him. Anyway, he's been cranky and resentful, and for specific examples, he'll refuse to play with dd if she just did something bad, even if the time out was done and it was over. He'll say "I don't feel like reading that book because I'm still sad because you hit me." Or when she asked to hold his hand on our walk the other day, he said "WHY?" apparently because she had swung from his arm the last time. Then he didn't understand why she didn't want to hold his hand later. He didn't want to push her on a swing because she'd been careless with some sand.

My dh is normally a totally great father, but he's acting like a child himself in some of the ways he is dealing with their interactions, and he is holding on to lingering hurts or resentments, which spoil any pleasant interaction they could have. I admit I have been less patient than usual lately myself, and it is a huge strain adding a (really loud) baby who can't be set down at all, but I try to start each interaction as if it's new. There is a whole combination of events, with Claire acting out, more problems with our neighbors, and an extreme crash diet for health issues, but it's difficult for all of us.

[Gwenn]

That's really difficult, Lydia.

[missychrissy]

Aw Lydia

I always want my kids to know I love them, even when I'm disappointed in them. I can't imagine not holding their hand just because they'd misbehaved, but I can see Rich acting the same way. I'm constantly reminding Rich he's the adult here and he should act like one.

He is a good dad overall. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining about him. There are times, though, when I wonder wtf he's thinking.

[Ky'sMom]

My DH is also acts very childish a lot. I have also stopped inviting him to family things and if he does insist on going, I have to remind him, like I do the children, that if he misbehaves, we will leave (we'll take DH home or I'll tell him to wait in the car if we are doing something far away from the house). He also gives the cold shoulder to both kids if they don't act appropriately (appropriate in his opinion). Like Elle is going through another I-only-like-mama phase sometimes and he gets upset when she doesn't want to give him a kiss so later when she wants to hug him, he tells her no, like she remembers 3 hours ago when she didn't want to kiss him. One day he was mad because she wouldn't share a cookie with him. He didn't ask her in a way she understood and I could tell she didn't understand because she always shares with pretty much anyone who asks her nicely. He just said "gimme some of that cookie" and she looked confused as she has never heard anyone say that. Even Ky will say "can I have a bite of your cookie please?" and open his mouth and she will share. DH got an attitude with her and was about to take the cookie from her until I stopped him and comforted her because she was crying. I told him to ask nicely after she stopped crying, he didn't want to but did and she gave him some so he apologized to her, but still, I thought he made a big deal out of a small situation, especially when there were like 20 other cookies in the kitchen.

But yeah, I think a lot of people just have those crazy moments with kids. I have my moments too but since I'm around them so much, I know what works better than DH and he just wants them to conform to how he thinks they should be instead of letting them be themselves. He also goes overboard on discipline and will give the silent treatment or just the cold shoulder to Ky especially, if I don't intervene and tell him to stop. It's like having a 5 year old along with an 8 and 1 year old at times. Ky is more mature and forgiving than DH and doesn't let things bother him as much so he is much easier to deal with.

Erin

[missychrissy]

Where does this come from? Are women just born knowing how to read their children's cues? I think Rich & I spend equal amounts of time with Conner, but I definitely know how to read him better than Rich does.

[daylilies]

I know I spend way more time with Josh than DH does, so that explains why I know how to handle him better, and I also read more books that give ideas on how to handle toddlers, plus I'm on APA all the time. I think women tend to do a lot more research, and talking to other moms, etc.

[missychrissy]

Good point. I don't think Rich has ever had a parenting conversation with another guy in his life. He only knows how he was raised, and that wasn't good.

[sunrider]

Hmm, well Jonathan doesn't hold grudges at least. I just hate him yelling at L. But once there's been a time out, all is forgotten ( at least until it happens again, LOL). And apparently I'm the only one Liam listens to for timeouts. Daycare tries but says he's too young and doesn't sit still. He wiggles a lot with Jonathan and tries to get away. I just plunk his butt down in the middle of the floor away from toys and he stays. Maybe just cause I'm the momma?

I had a best friend in high school that I thought I'd always be friends with. Then in college she got into the serious party scene. There was a huge divergence in our music tastes, she started dabbling in drugs and getting more serious by the year and we just sort of went our separate ways. We're closer now, but even through the years we could literally go 2 years without talking, then see each other and pick up right where we left off. She was bridesmaid at my wedding in 2002. I think we saw each other again in 2004, and then not again until 2009. Now she's finally getting married for the first time (at age 40). I'm sure I'll get a wedding invite, don't know if she'll ask me to be in it (I think I'm hoping not on the latter).

I have another friend from college that is a weird relationship. We saw each other more when DH and I lived 3 hours to the south. Since we moved here to KC and are literally less than 30 min from her, we almost never see her. So strange. I hate that, but there it is. We have to arrange specific dates and coordinate schedules to connect with each other.

[sandersmommy]

Playing catchup again!

Bridget. You have an amazing daughter.



I confess I am too lazy to go back to school next semester. I keep putting off calling them and having my stuff transferred because I do not want to miss anything. I also do not want to listen to my dh complain that I am not keeping up with the rest of the things around here when I get too busy with school.

[missychrissy]

Aw Kim I wish he'd be more supportive of your education.

[Ky'sMom]

Don't know if anyone posted this or not but I thought this event may have some sort of symbolism attached to it

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_lightn...s_jesus_statue

I drive by that statue every time I drive home to visit family in OH and thought that the way it was destroyed was just really hilarious!

Erin

[missychrissy]

That's craziness!! I can only imagine the 'end of times' statements being uttered right now. It's a sign!!

[midgeend]

eh, it was just a matter of time one of the thousands of hideous idyllic statues of jesus was hit by lightening. I mean, pretty good chances really when you break down how many there must be?

[daylilies]

Oh man, that statue freaks me out. Huge statues are really creepy.
They're going to rebuild it--there was a quote saying "This time we're going to try something fireproof." Hahaha, genius!

[3andMe]

I just wanted to let you guys know that dh and I were lying in bed last night and he says "Claire sure is acting out a lot" and I took that as a calm opportunity to explain that she has been trying my patience too, but I think it's really important to remain consistent and start each interaction with her anew, since she would have no way of knowing that her daddy doesn't want to play with her for something bad she did 10 minutes before. That we need to model grown-up behavior. He thanked me for sharing with him, told me I had a lot of insight, and said he'd try to be better.

I was very pleased, and it makes me feel better about the whole situation and about him.

[missychrissy]

That's really wonderful Lydia. I'm glad he's receptive and acknowledges that you have more insight into her behavior than he does.

For the most part, I don't think men act immature regarding their children on purpose. It just seems that these things don't come as easily to most of them.

[girlwonder]

I'm glad that opportunity came up. It is hard to find the right time and place for that kind of conversation.

[daylilies]

Oh good, Lydia! It sounds like he really gets it.

[Gwenn]

That's great, Lydia. I do think there is a large percentage of instinct that goes into it for women, combined with learning and reading about what others do. Of course, some women seem to be missing out entirely.

I confess I'm changing my username to Gwenn because I want something that isn't so unique and easily searched.

[daylilies]

Oo, yeah I did find a lot of stuff under your name. Do you use your current name on a lot of sites?

[Gwenn]

Yes. Not sure what to do about other sites as I don't use any of them very often. Doesn't seem worth changing a name for something I don't use. I definitely want this one hidden as I talk about personal stuff here.

[AmeriBrit]

That movie "Bruno" was on last night right before I went to bed, so I watched 5 minutes of it....the part where he goes to a karate teacher to learn self defense so that he can protect himself against gay men attacking him....the line "but how do you protect yourself from a man with 2 dildos?" had me in hysterics....lol.

[daylilies]

LOL
Still haven't seen Bruno, but it's on our netflix list.

[AmeriBrit]

LOL
Still haven't seen Bruno, but it's on our netflix list.

It looked crazy like all his movies seem to be; I cringe too much through them, so I have never watched one all the way through, but it was funny.