Secular Confessions

**daylilies** · 04-22-2010, 07:02 AM

Josh thinks We wish you a Merry Christmas goes "...and a happy all day!" (yes he sings Christmas songs year round)

**Cosmosmom** · 04-22-2010, 09:35 AM

Originally Posted by Lydia

I'm an Endoscopy RN at a teaching hospital.

I knew you were a nurse but didn't know that it was in endoscopy. That is something I hope to not have done!

Though my dad has had two know since he has Barrets Esophagus and they are watching that (and he only knew about it because he was anemic...didn't have pain from the ulcers or much in the way of bad heartburn!).

**Cosmosmom** · 04-22-2010, 09:38 AM

Originally Posted by gwennero

Thanks for the support, everyone. I believe I've been putting a little too much faith that between my mother, and my sister, and my aunt, and at least two of my cousins who have MTHFR, NONE of them have struggled with fertility or pregnancy issues and many have gotten pregnant either on the first month of trying or even while actively preventing. I just haven't taken it seriously enough. I need to take it seriously and do what it takes.

How did you know that you had this? Were you tested because of the family history? as far as I know they never looked into anything like that with me.

I did have a ton of blood drawn recently and going to see the endocrine doc in less than a hour to see if it turned up anything.

**The10Eels** · 04-22-2010, 09:39 AM

I confess Happy NON-anniversary to me!

**daylilies** · 04-22-2010, 10:31 AM

I confess I learned a new abbreviation at another community that I think should be used here (not just this thread but on APA in general)
It's tl;dr and it means too long; didn't read or too long; don't read. Sometimes people also call it "teal deer" as in "teal deer ahead!" if they're about to tell a long story.

Or..they will type in a super long story and at the end they put tl;dr and a short summary of what they wrote. I just think it's cute, and I know I for one could put that to use sometimes!

**Cosmosmom** · 04-22-2010, 10:59 AM

Got results back and it's very clear that I do not have PCOS as those hormones are all in the perfect range. And I do not even have pre-diabetes (they did several kinds of insulin tests)...which I was sort of expecting since my dad, his brother, their parents...all are or were diabetic. And my sister has PCOS. So I was thinking I was kind of up a crick witout a paddle there.

**missychrissy** · 04-22-2010, 11:01 AM

Originally Posted by daylilies

Oh man that movie is so funny and so sad. The cemetery scene gets me every time.

I love that movie too and that scene always makes me cry.

Sally Field.

Originally Posted by stash

I agree, Lydia. I think one of the biggest shames about the way our culture deals with life is hiding death away like it's some bad secret not to be shared. If we talked about it more openly, more honestly, spent time teaching our children how to think about it and handle it instead of covering it up with flowers and fairies... maybe people wouldn't waste their lives in fear, or trying to seek to "find answers" where there simply are none.

I agree. I tell my kids (and anyone who will listen) that for all we know, this is it and we should enjoy it now while we have it.

My father had a near-death experience a couple years before I was born. His heart had stopped twice and they had to use the defibrillator on him. I was about 4 when I asked him what it was like to be dead...and that was his response, "Do you remember what it was like before you were born? It's just like that."

**missychrissy** · 04-22-2010, 11:18 AM

Originally Posted by Cosmosmom

Got results back and it's very clear that I do not have PCOS as those hormones are all in the perfect range. And I do not even have pre-diabetes (they did several kinds of insulin tests)...which I was sort of expecting since my dad, his brother, their parents...all are or were diabetic. And my sister has PCOS. So I was thinking I was kind of up a crick witout a paddle there.

Good news.

**addysonreese** · 04-22-2010, 11:25 AM

Originally Posted by Cosmosmom

Got results back and it's very clear that I do not have PCOS as those hormones are all in the perfect range. And I do not even have pre-diabetes (they did several kinds of insulin tests)...which I was sort of expecting since my dad, his brother, their parents...all are or were diabetic. And my sister has PCOS. So I was thinking I was kind of up a crick witout a paddle there.

That's good

Do you have a plan of attack now? Or do they still want to figure out what's going on first?

**Cosmosmom** · 04-22-2010, 11:48 AM

Originally Posted by addysonreese

That's good

Do you have a plan of attack now? Or do they still want to figure out what's going on first?

Yeah lose weight. That is always the answer to everything! Well ok so I do need to lose weight since I put on more than I like to think about dealing with the whole infertility thing. But still had issues with the skin even at my lowest weight, though probably not quite as often.

The thing is there is still so much we don't know about the human body and medicine....they don't know why hidradentis occurs but at least we know now that I currently don't have some of the conditions that go along with it. They don't really have any great treatment options either. Which I have known for a while so I just deal with it.

I have put myself on zinc since it's OTC and have read in a few places where that seemed to help people.
Don't know if that helped or not yet with the skin...giving it at least 4 months. BUT I just had a 26 day cycle with only one day of spotting before. That is probably one of the longest ones I have had in three years (think I got to 27 days on clomid) and only one day of spotting is impressive...usually at least 3 and often closer to 5.

As far as getting pg, I'm kind of done and over it and do not want to pay for medical treatments or go through anymore. I am pretty much unexplained...though I opted out of an HSG so technically there could be a blockage there I really do not believe there is...not a single risk factor..and if they are blocked, we do not have the money for IVF anyway.
I might try adding a few supplements like fish oil since I do not eat any fish/seafood at all. And keep being good about the vitamins.
At this point, we have come to terms that things might not go the way we wanted and planned....but we can be happy with what we do have, our little Cosmo (and maybe a puppy next year) and a good strong happy marriage.

And it's nice to know that I'm not a walking time bomb like I thought I might be!

**Bridget** · 04-22-2010, 11:58 AM

I'm sorry I'm beating this one to the ground but as you'll see, I have NO ONE to talk to about this. Gah. I tried to talk to dbf and let him know that I've been thinking a lot about how to help the kids cope with my mom's illness and such. Whenever I ask him what he believes he's always evasive. I don't think he knows. I asked him if he wanted to read the books before I read them to the kids and he said no. I told him that it was important to me that we're honest with them and we don't tell them there is a heaven and such. He said, "I thought we were just going to let them figure things out on their own."

I said, "Soooo, you want to say nothing at all and just let our very young children muddle through the terminal illness and death of their grandma?" To which he replied, "You said we were going to let them decide what they wanted to believe." Hmm. Okay. I didn't mean that we were just going to kick them into the world blindly and hope they figured it out. Then I asked him if he believed in heaven and he said, "Kind of"

I don't get it.
Again, self reflection. He needs it. I. Want. A. Partner.

**Bridget** · 04-22-2010, 12:00 PM

Originally Posted by Cosmosmom

Got results back and it's very clear that I do not have PCOS as those hormones are all in the perfect range. And I do not even have pre-diabetes (they did several kinds of insulin tests)...which I was sort of expecting since my dad, his brother, their parents...all are or were diabetic. And my sister has PCOS. So I was thinking I was kind of up a crick witout a paddle there.

That's great news

**addysonreese** · 04-22-2010, 12:18 PM

Originally Posted by Cosmosmom

Yeah lose weight. That is always the answer to everything! Well ok so I do need to lose weight since I put on more than I like to think about dealing with the whole infertility thing. But still had issues with the skin even at my lowest weight, though probably not quite as often.

The thing is there is still so much we don't know about the human body and medicine....they don't know why hidradentis occurs but at least we know now that I currently don't have some of the conditions that go along with it. They don't really have any great treatment options either. Which I have known for a while so I just deal with it.

I have put myself on zinc since it's OTC and have read in a few places where that seemed to help people.
Don't know if that helped or not yet with the skin...giving it at least 4 months. BUT I just had a 26 day cycle with only one day of spotting before. That is probably one of the longest ones I have had in three years (think I got to 27 days on clomid) and only one day of spotting is impressive...usually at least 3 and often closer to 5.

As far as getting pg, I'm kind of done and over it and do not want to pay for medical treatments or go through anymore. I am pretty much unexplained...though I opted out of an HSG so technically there could be a blockage there I really do not believe there is...not a single risk factor..and if they are blocked, we do not have the money for IVF anyway.
I might try adding a few supplements like fish oil since I do not eat any fish/seafood at all. And keep being good about the vitamins.
At this point, we have come to terms that things might not go the way we wanted and planned....but we can be happy with what we do have, our little Cosmo (and maybe a puppy next year) and a good strong happy marriage.

And it's nice to know that I'm not a walking time bomb like I thought I might be!

It sounds like it's a whole lot to digest, but I'm glad you have a clear mind about it, and you know what you want to do, which is really good.

I'm glad you didn't have any of the issues you thought you might, like the PCOS!

Originally Posted by bridgetwu75

I'm sorry I'm beating this one to the ground but as you'll see, I have NO ONE to talk to about this. Gah. I tried to talk to dbf and let him know that I've been thinking a lot about how to help the kids cope with my mom's illness and such. Whenever I ask him what he believes he's always evasive. I don't think he knows. I asked him if he wanted to read the books before I read them to the kids and he said no. I told him that it was important to me that we're honest with them and we don't tell them there is a heaven and such. He said, "I thought we were just going to let them figure things out on their own."

I said, "Soooo, you want to say nothing at all and just let our very young children muddle through the terminal illness and death of their grandma?" To which he replied, "You said we were going to let them decide what they wanted to believe." Hmm. Okay. I didn't mean that we were just going to kick them into the world blindly and hope they figured it out. Then I asked him if he believed in heaven and he said, "Kind of"

I don't get it.
Again, self reflection. He needs it. I. Want. A. Partner.

So, at their young ages he wants them to decide what they want to believe? They don't know any of that stuff yet! You let them build their own thoughts and ideals when they grow up, not when they haven't learned to tie their shoes yet (or maybe they have

I'm just using an example).

I'm sorry you have to deal with him being such an idiot. This is not an easy situation, and he should be more than willing to want to help you figure out how to explain it to them. He is just so d@mn clueless.

**missychrissy** · 04-22-2010, 12:24 PM

Originally Posted by bridgetwu75

I'm sorry I'm beating this one to the ground but as you'll see, I have NO ONE to talk to about this. Gah. I tried to talk to dbf and let him know that I've been thinking a lot about how to help the kids cope with my mom's illness and such. Whenever I ask him what he believes he's always evasive. I don't think he knows. I asked him if he wanted to read the books before I read them to the kids and he said no. I told him that it was important to me that we're honest with them and we don't tell them there is a heaven and such. He said, "I thought we were just going to let them figure things out on their own."

I said, "Soooo, you want to say nothing at all and just let our very young children muddle through the terminal illness and death of their grandma?" To which he replied, "You said we were going to let them decide what they wanted to believe." Hmm. Okay. I didn't mean that we were just going to kick them into the world blindly and hope they figured it out. Then I asked him if he believed in heaven and he said, "Kind of"

I don't get it.
Again, self reflection. He needs it. I. Want. A. Partner.

Oh Bridget! I wish I knew what to say. I'm so sorry he's not 'there' for you like you need him to be.

**daylilies** · 04-22-2010, 12:39 PM

It sounds so frustrating Bridget. I really think you should tell the kids what you want to tell them and let him catch up when he's ready. Like the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. He's missing out on all these great chances to be a team with you and to raise some great kids. And it really sucks but from what I read you have tried so hard to include him and he just doesn't take the bait. It's his freaking loss IMO.
Actually, try this. (I just learned this recently) Next time you have a chance to talk to dbf, say to him "You said earlier you 'kind of' believe in heaven. Can you tell me more about that?"

If you're anything like me, you shut down when he says something that pisses you off or confuses you. I wonder if he'd say more to you if you prompted him.

**AmeriBrit** · 04-22-2010, 01:10 PM

Sorry to hear about your partner, Bridget.

One of our close family friends is 78 and was just diagnosed with lung cancer. Those of us who are non-church goers seem to be dealing better than the church crowd as we've spoken about it and we see death as natural, kind of like Stash said about not remembering before you are born.

**stash** · 04-22-2010, 03:51 PM

Oh Bridget, that just makes me ANGRY for you. He's a lazy booger. Let them figure it out themselves. That's ridiculous. It's one thing to say "we're going to give them tools and support and let them make their own decisions about life" which is what I think you meant, and it's totally another to presume (like your BF is) that you're just going to leave them to their own devices to figure it out for themselves. I mean HELLO how does he expect them to do that with no tools, no guidance, no loving parent providing necessary information? Gah.

**midgeend** · 04-22-2010, 08:05 PM

Jennifer - that's great about not having pcos. Have you done any work with kinesiology (sp?) before, to find out if the skin stuff could be an allergy that hasn't been picked up before....it could also help with the infertility.

Bridget - I'm sorry that you're not only dealing with how to talk about your mom with your kids, but also your bf being a doof. I feel like so many times, men are like that - they just don't know how to put what they think into words, and then they end up just saying the very wrong thing...or they just don't use their heads at all. It's annoying to have to be the only thinking person about such things.

Stash - I love that way of looking at death, as your mom put it. It reminds me of my dad always telling me that I've been here forever. That since I didn't know anything before I was, then I have been here forever, and will go on forever. In a very non life-after-death kind of forever way.

**Cosmosmom** · 04-22-2010, 08:40 PM

Originally Posted by midgeend

Jennifer - that's great about not having pcos. Have you done any work with kinesiology (sp?) before, to find out if the skin stuff could be an allergy that hasn't been picked up before....it could also help with the infertility.

.

Hmmm, I don't know anything about kinesiology. I would guess probably not an allergy though...my sister has the same thing only to a lesser degree. They do think that there tends to be a genetic component.
I will have to look for some more information on it....

I do know that we both tend to really sensitive skin....and I am allergic to penicillin.

**The10Eels** · 04-22-2010, 09:43 PM

I confess I have never seen Steel Magnolias....

and I have some good news on the topic of cancer...

I confess one of my best friends from high school just got his clean bill of health yesterday!!! This was his second form of cancer - Leukemia when he was 8, and then Hodgkins Lymphoma at 22...

I am hoping to get to take this trip to Seattle in Sept. If I do, I want to surprise him for his birthday!

**daylilies** · 04-23-2010, 05:52 AM

Good for him, Ashley!

**MammaMia** · 04-23-2010, 05:55 AM

That's wonderful news Ashley!

I lost a friend at 22 to leukemia. Horrible disease.

**missychrissy** · 04-23-2010, 05:59 AM

Originally Posted by atenielle

I confess I have never seen Steel Magnolias....

and I have some good news on the topic of cancer...

I confess one of my best friends from high school just got his clean bill of health yesterday!!! This was his second form of cancer - Leukemia when he was 8, and then Hodgkins Lymphoma at 22...

I am hoping to get to take this trip to Seattle in Sept. If I do, I want to surprise him for his birthday!

That's wonderful!!

**midgeend** · 04-23-2010, 06:45 AM

That's awesome Ashley.

About Steel Magnolia's though - you really need to see it. It's one of my favorite movies ever.

**missychrissy** · 04-23-2010, 06:47 AM

I agree Steel Magnolias is one of the best movies. I think I'll watch it again next week when I'm recuperating

**missychrissy** · 04-23-2010, 07:18 AM

Bobbie met with Professor Whitman yesterday and it was a success!! The poor girl was almost shaking with fear leading up to the meeting...this was a first for her. I kept trying to reassure her, but she was terrified. I was really concerned about leaving her on her own to talk to him, but I knew that was the best approach so I just hovered outside the building

She knew she could call/text me if she needed me.

Anyway, he answered all her questions and was very encouraging. She really feels excited about college and looked like a 5-year-old opening Christmas presents when she came out.

My baby girl is grown up. I couldn't be more proud of her.

**Bridget** · 04-23-2010, 07:20 AM

Originally Posted by missychrissy

Bobbie met with Professor Whitman yesterday and it was a success!! The poor girl was almost shaking with fear leading up to the meeting...this was a first for her. I kept trying to reassure her, but she was terrified. I was really concerned about leaving her on her own to talk to him, but I knew that was the best approach so I just hovered outside the building

She knew she could call/text me if she needed me.

Anyway, he answered all her questions and was very encouraging. She really feels excited about college and looked like a 5-year-old opening Christmas presents when she came out.

My baby girl is grown up. I couldn't be more proud of her.

Awesome Chrissy!!!!!!!!!!!

**midgeend** · 04-23-2010, 07:21 AM

That's great Chrissy!! I'll bet she feels so much more confident now. Now she has something bigger and better to look forward to, which I'm sure will get her through this last year of HS.

**missychrissy** · 04-23-2010, 07:21 AM

This is the program she hopes to join after her Senior year. She would have tried this year, but we've missed the scholarship deadline

http://www.lrc.cornell.edu/asian/programs/summer/falcon

I'm looking to enroll her in an intro to Japanese class this summer.

**stash** · 04-23-2010, 08:53 AM

Yay Bobbie! That almost made me cry. I think I'm hormonal.

God, I remember how terrifying "meetings" were when I was young/young adult. Don't you wish you could just send them confidence? Now, it doesn't matter who I meet with, I'm like "whatever" and I have a great time with it. I wish I could send some of that whateverness back to my young self.

Thread: Secular Confessions

Thread Tools

Display

Posting Permissions