Secular Confessions

**Bridget** · 04-20-2010, 01:38 PM

I know what you mean. And if you get upset, he might listen but will he learn? That's something dbf and I argue about. Sure, they'll listen to him when he snaps but only because they're kind of freaked out, not because they have any idea why they are listening.
But, yay, by the way, because Savana and him are on their way home now. Super long travel day. Tons of layovers so they don't get here until 11pm. I can't wait to see her. And dbf insisted to me on the phone last night that he learned a lot with her and he's going to be a better parent. Oh how I hope he's for real. I can't take much more of his crappy parenting.
And his mom sent me an email that she thinks I need to help him find direction...that she thinks he's scared because he's getting old and doesn't have a steady career. That he needs to feel needed. I feel like a cold hearted biatch but my first reaction was that all sound like something he needs to do. No one found me a path. But now I'm thinking that tomorrow evening him and I will brainstorm together. He really is so insecure. And it's glaringly obvious but I forget because he has such a cocky and overbearing demeanor. It's hard to build someone up when it seems like they need to be deflated. I need to put different goggles on when I look at him and see if we can't figure out what to do about him. If I'm going to be in this I might as well not let it be stagnant. No point to that.

**daylilies** · 04-20-2010, 01:43 PM

Good luck Bridget! Maybe this whole trip will help shed some light on some things and put you guys in a better direction. I sure hope so!

**missychrissy** · 04-20-2010, 01:44 PM

What does he want to do with his life? That's something only he can decide. You can (and would, I know) be supportive...but he has to be the one to follow his dreams.

**Bridget** · 04-20-2010, 01:57 PM

Originally Posted by missychrissy

What does he want to do with his life? That's something only he can decide. You can (and would, I know) be supportive...but he has to be the one to follow his dreams.

He changes his mind a lot. He's very smart but lacks focus. I think he'd for sure be diagnosed with some sort of attention disorder if he was ever evaluated. He could never do a typical 9-5 type job and could probably never work for someone. He does not take direction well. He ran two successfull businesses in Hawaii but they were tourism based. Not so much opportunity for that in Wisconsin. He has set up saltwater aquariums for a few people around here and I thought he'd turn that into a business but it never went anywhere. I dunno. Brainstorming it is.

**addysonreese** · 04-20-2010, 02:48 PM

Originally Posted by bridgetwu75

He changes his mind a lot. He's very smart but lacks focus. I think he'd for sure be diagnosed with some sort of attention disorder if he was ever evaluated. He could never do a typical 9-5 type job and could probably never work for someone. He does not take direction well. He ran two successfull businesses in Hawaii but they were tourism based. Not so much opportunity for that in Wisconsin. He has set up saltwater aquariums for a few people around here and I thought he'd turn that into a business but it never went anywhere. I dunno. Brainstorming it is.

I hope that when he comes home, you guys can definitely do some thinking and try to figure things out. That would be wonderful! I really hope he is for real on his parenting epiphany. That would be another plus, and would benefit everyone.

**addysonreese** · 04-20-2010, 04:31 PM

I confess I just took one of the placement tests for school!

I have to take two - the MAT (Math Assessment) which is free and I can take at home which I just did. The second is the Accuplacer, which I take on Friday at 9am. It cost 30 bucks for the Reading and Math.

For the MAT, I was told not to study, and just take it cold, since it's supposed to determine what I remember. I got 12 out of 25 questions correct, which means I can take a college algebra course, or trigonometry. I want to take whatever ramps me up to Calculus, which I need to take as a pre-med course. At least I didn't land myself in a basic math course again, haha.

Now, I'll just need to take the other placement test, and I can call my advisors after and get registered for classes. And then, I can buy school supplies!!!

This is the first year I'm actually stoked about getting school supplies. Papers and pens and binders and a mini stapler and flash cards! Yay!

Apparently, I'm giddy.

**Janeen** · 04-20-2010, 04:33 PM

Originally Posted by addysonreese

I confess I just took one of the placement tests for school!

I have to take two - the MAT (Math Assessment) which is free and I can take at home which I just did. The second is the Accuplacer, which I take on Friday at 9am. It cost 30 bucks for the Reading and Math.

For the MAT, I was told not to study, and just take it cold, since it's supposed to determine what I remember. I got 12 out of 25 questions correct, which means I can take a college algebra course, or trigonometry. I want to take whatever ramps me up to Calculus, which I need to take as a pre-med course. At least I didn't land myself in a basic math course again, haha.

Now, I'll just need to take the other placement test, and I can call my advisors after and get registered for classes. And then, I can buy school supplies!!!

This is the first year I'm actually stoked about getting school supplies. Papers and pens and binders and a mini stapler and flash cards! Yay!

Apparently, I'm giddy.

LOL I'm happy for you!

**addysonreese** · 04-20-2010, 04:36 PM

Originally Posted by Janeen

LOL I'm happy for you!

Thank you!

I've been meaning to ask you, are you totally stoked for the birth of your LO?? It's getting closer!!

**Janeen** · 04-20-2010, 04:41 PM

Originally Posted by addysonreese

Thank you!

I've been meaning to ask you, are you totally stoked for the birth of your LO?? It's getting closer!!

I am getting excited and I'm starting to feel more mentally ready/less nervous about the whole process...I think.

If he was ready to come today I would be okay with that...except for the fact that his Grandma (my mom) laid out strict orders that the earliest he can come is a week from tomorrow! LOL, that's when she flies in from Arizona. Every time I tease her about him coming early she tells me "control that child!"

**Ky'sMom** · 04-20-2010, 04:45 PM

Originally Posted by missychrissy

What does he want to do with his life? That's something only he can decide. You can (and would, I know) be supportive...but he has to be the one to follow his dreams.

Just reading through the thread after not reading a while but I totally agree with this. You can't make anyone realize what they want to do in life. My DH is kind of unfocused in finding what he really wants to do. He has a couple jobs though that keep him busy and he makes good money, but he would rather not do those jobs, yet he doesn't do anything to find what he really wants to do.

Also, just an idea but, what about him starting like a contractor or handyman business. All the pics you post of his work are always awesome.

Erin

**addysonreese** · 04-20-2010, 04:49 PM

Originally Posted by Janeen

I am getting excited and I'm starting to feel more mentally ready/less nervous about the whole process...I think.

If he was ready to come today I would be okay with that...except for the fact that his Grandma (my mom) laid out strict orders that the earliest he can come is a week from tomorrow! LOL, that's when she flies in from Arizona. Every time I tease her about him coming early she tells me "control that child!"

Nice. It must be so exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time!

I have a friend who is due in May as well and she's gotten very impatient. She's like "Okay, any day now, I'm ready!"

**Janeen** · 04-20-2010, 04:50 PM

Originally Posted by addysonreese

Nice. It must be so exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time!

I have a friend who is due in May as well and she's gotten very impatient. She's like "Okay, any day now, I'm ready!"

lol he was moving around this morning and I looked down and said "Don't worry, you'll be out here soon enough!"

**stash** · 04-20-2010, 05:14 PM

I confess I just got my bloodwork back and my thyroid's all Fed up again (it always is in pregnancy) and it sort of dawned on me that I'm going to be on a roller coaster of changing meds for the next six months and I'm really not looking forward to that.

**Janeen** · 04-20-2010, 05:32 PM

Originally Posted by stash

I confess I just got my bloodwork back and my thyroid's all Fed up again (it always is in pregnancy) and it sort of dawned on me that I'm going to be on a roller coaster of changing meds for the next six months and I'm really not looking forward to that.

That's a bummer.

**addysonreese** · 04-20-2010, 05:43 PM

Originally Posted by stash

I confess I just got my bloodwork back and my thyroid's all Fed up again (it always is in pregnancy) and it sort of dawned on me that I'm going to be on a roller coaster of changing meds for the next six months and I'm really not looking forward to that.

I'm sorry. That sucks.

**midgeend** · 04-20-2010, 06:09 PM

Originally Posted by stash

I confess I just got my bloodwork back and my thyroid's all Fed up again (it always is in pregnancy) and it sort of dawned on me that I'm going to be on a roller coaster of changing meds for the next six months and I'm really not looking forward to that.

ugh, I'm sorry. I really hope it's not too bad for you.

**Gwenn** · 04-20-2010, 06:52 PM

Well, I woke up to heavy nausea (didn't throw up but wanted to) and then found AF was here. Still a little nauseous (sp?). I suspect this may be another early m/c ... I know I have MTHFR and I know that can lead to difficulty with implantation. The doctors don't believe me that my past m/c was due to MTHFR but I can't imagine why they wouldn't consider that a factor? Anyway, I suspect I've had at least 3 m/c for which I never got a BFP because it never implanted ... but the doctors don't believe me because there was no BFP. It's a catch 22. DH wants me to look into Clomid now hoping it will make us successful if I get to see him on leave this summer before he goes overseas. I'm not really sure I see the point of that as the chances of the timing being right would be vanishingly small. I also don't know that Clomid will solve the problem. When he comes back, I agree it's time to seek out medical support beyond my OB/gyn.

I went to the county fair today with my kids. It was "special needs day" and I loved watching the smiles on my kids' faces getting to do something they normally wouldn't get to do. I got some great pictures.

One of the mothers came along with us (actually her whole family). I found her sitting on top of a hay bale smoking a cigarette. Okay, it's one thing if you smoke and even if you are okay with smoking in front of your children ... but smoking while chaperoning your child's class of young children during a "special needs" event? While sitting on top of a hay bale?

**Gwenn** · 04-20-2010, 07:08 PM

Originally Posted by Cosmosmom

Really? We got married just before I started my masters and it didn't affect us there. But than again I was just getting federal loans or paying cash when we could. And DH wasn't making mega bucks.

Well, DH has never made mega bucks but sadly, when I was in school he made more without a college degree than I make now with my master's ... which is part of the reason he's been out of work for so long. His level of experience and level of education don't match, so if he applies for a high level job they don't want him because he doesn't have a degree, and if he applies for unskilled work they don't want him because of his experience. Which is why he's deploying, in large part...

**Bridget** · 04-20-2010, 07:28 PM

Originally Posted by gwennero

Well, I woke up to heavy nausea (didn't throw up but wanted to) and then found AF was here. Still a little nauseous (sp?). I suspect this may be another early m/c ... I know I have MTHFR and I know that can lead to difficulty with implantation. The doctors don't believe me that my past m/c was due to MTHFR but I can't imagine why they wouldn't consider that a factor? Anyway, I suspect I've had at least 3 m/c for which I never got a BFP because it never implanted ... but the doctors don't believe me because there was no BFP. It's a catch 22. DH wants me to look into Clomid now hoping it will make us successful if I get to see him on leave this summer before he goes overseas. I'm not really sure I see the point of that as the chances of the timing being right would be vanishingly small. I also don't know that Clomid will solve the problem. When he comes back, I agree it's time to seek out medical support beyond my OB/gyn.

I went to the county fair today with my kids. It was "special needs day" and I loved watching the smiles on my kids' faces getting to do something they normally wouldn't get to do. I got some great pictures.

One of the mothers came along with us (actually her whole family). I found her sitting on top of a hay bale smoking a cigarette. Okay, it's one thing if you smoke and even if you are okay with smoking in front of your children ... but smoking while chaperoning your child's class of young children during a "special needs" event? While sitting on top of a hay bale?

OMG to the mom smoking on the hay bale. WTF? It would be funny if it wasn't so....not.
And

to you for AF showing up. I'm so sorry.

**Cosmosmom** · 04-20-2010, 07:34 PM

Originally Posted by gwennero

Well, DH has never made mega bucks but sadly, when I was in school he made more without a college degree than I make now with my master's ... which is part of the reason he's been out of work for so long. His level of experience and level of education don't match, so if he applies for a high level job they don't want him because he doesn't have a degree, and if he applies for unskilled work they don't want him because of his experience. Which is why he's deploying, in large part...

I'm sorry about AF. Do you take aspirin? And OMG to that smoking woman on hay at a school thing!!!

Yeah DH ran into that a lot too where people didn't want to hire him thinking he would just leave. He eventually got on with manpower and they had him at his job a year before he got hired on. In the over 3 years, he has never missed a day of work and really isn't looking to leave. Just not much call for his field here and now being out of the field for like 4 years, I don't think it will happen.

thankfully we can still live a comfortable enough life since cost of living isn't too bad here.

**Gwenn** · 04-20-2010, 08:38 PM

Originally Posted by Cosmosmom

I'm sorry about AF. Do you take aspirin? And OMG to that smoking woman on hay at a school thing!!!

Yeah DH ran into that a lot too where people didn't want to hire him thinking he would just leave. He eventually got on with manpower and they had him at his job a year before he got hired on. In the over 3 years, he has never missed a day of work and really isn't looking to leave. Just not much call for his field here and now being out of the field for like 4 years, I don't think it will happen.

thankfully we can still live a comfortable enough life since cost of living isn't too bad here.

I don't take aspirin. I know many people do but it's a case of knowing too much for me. Long-term aspirin usage can lead to hearing loss and it wasn't worth it for me. Although I think I need to re-examine my priorities here.

As for us, I make a professional salary and I should be able to support us but we bought our house when we were both working and planned on both our incomes. My parents actually own the house and we pay our mortgage to them. They've been very patient considering our situation right now, which is great in one way, but on the other hand we don't feel comfortable walking away because I don't want them to take a hit. I hate it because I should be able to support my family on my own and I can't.

**The10Eels** · 04-20-2010, 10:21 PM

I confess I am all for being honest with your kids, but am appalled at some of the things parents say to their children....

I was doing a throat swab on a patient (13 years old) today, and explained before I started that it may make her want to gag... She did perfect, and didn't gag at all, and the mom puts her hand on the girls shoulder and says "You will make a man very happy someday".....................

and I confess I got a call from the courthouse today. The divorce papers have been sent to B and should arrive on Thursday - which would have been our 3 year anniversary... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! hahah

**Janeen** · 04-20-2010, 10:24 PM

Originally Posted by atenielle

I confess I am all for being honest with your kids, but am appalled at some of the things parents say to their children....

I was doing a throat swab on a patient (13 years old) today, and explained before I started that it may make her want to gag... She did perfect, and didn't gag at all, and the mom puts her hand on the girls shoulder and says "You will make a man very happy someday".....................

and I confess I got a call from the courthouse today. The divorce papers have been sent to B and should arrive on Thursday - which would have been our 3 year anniversary... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! hahah

EW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ironic how that works out on the anniversary day huh?

**daylilies** · 04-21-2010, 04:56 AM

I was like of like LOL and Ewww at the same time at the throat swab story.

**missychrissy** · 04-21-2010, 05:59 AM

Originally Posted by Ky'sMom

Just reading through the thread after not reading a while but I totally agree with this. You can't make anyone realize what they want to do in life. My DH is kind of unfocused in finding what he really wants to do. He has a couple jobs though that keep him busy and he makes good money, but he would rather not do those jobs, yet he doesn't do anything to find what he really wants to do.

Also, just an idea but, what about him starting like a contractor or handyman business. All the pics you post of his work are always awesome.

Erin

That's an excellent idea.

He's a really lucky man to have you, because I can't help but feel that no one likes to be told what to do, but that's what being a grown up is all about. I'd be ordering him to suck it up, get and keep a job-ANY job! or leave.

Like I said, he's lucky to have you. I hope he knows that.

Originally Posted by addysonreese

I confess I just took one of the placement tests for school!

I have to take two - the MAT (Math Assessment) which is free and I can take at home which I just did. The second is the Accuplacer, which I take on Friday at 9am. It cost 30 bucks for the Reading and Math.

For the MAT, I was told not to study, and just take it cold, since it's supposed to determine what I remember. I got 12 out of 25 questions correct, which means I can take a college algebra course, or trigonometry. I want to take whatever ramps me up to Calculus, which I need to take as a pre-med course. At least I didn't land myself in a basic math course again, haha.

Now, I'll just need to take the other placement test, and I can call my advisors after and get registered for classes. And then, I can buy school supplies!!!

This is the first year I'm actually stoked about getting school supplies. Papers and pens and binders and a mini stapler and flash cards! Yay!

Apparently, I'm giddy.

Wonderful!!!

Originally Posted by stash

I confess I just got my bloodwork back and my thyroid's all Fed up again (it always is in pregnancy) and it sort of dawned on me that I'm going to be on a roller coaster of changing meds for the next six months and I'm really not looking forward to that.

Oh no.

**Bridget** · 04-21-2010, 06:08 AM

Originally Posted by atenielle

I confess I am all for being honest with your kids, but am appalled at some of the things parents say to their children....

I was doing a throat swab on a patient (13 years old) today, and explained before I started that it may make her want to gag... She did perfect, and didn't gag at all, and the mom puts her hand on the girls shoulder and says "You will make a man very happy someday".....................

and I confess I got a call from the courthouse today. The divorce papers have been sent to B and should arrive on Thursday - which would have been our 3 year anniversary... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! hahah

Um that doesn't strike me as so much honest, as vulgar. Way to set your daughter up. Ew.

Originally Posted by missychrissy

That's an excellent idea.

He's a really lucky man to have you, because I can't help but feel that no one likes to be told what to do, but that's what being a grown up is all about. I'd be ordering him to suck it up, get and keep a job-ANY job! or leave.

Like I said, he's lucky to have you. I hope he knows that.

.

Thanks. I think he's pretty darn lucky too!

But I should clarify that he does make money. He makes sure we never fall into debt. Well, we both make sure of that but he does have rental property and other investments and hobbies that bring money in. Just nothing consistent and it leaves a lot of time on his hands.
SAVANA IS HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**missychrissy** · 04-21-2010, 06:15 AM

Woo hoo!!! Has she told you about her trip? Did she like it?

**Bridget** · 04-21-2010, 06:24 AM

Originally Posted by missychrissy

Woo hoo!!! Has she told you about her trip? Did she like it?

The flight didn't arrive until almost midnight so she was sleeping and didn't even wake up when I put her in her carseat. While dbf was waiting for the bags I just stood outside the car holding her and smelling her.

Now she's sleeping in and I just can't wait for her to wake up. Dbf's mom did call me yesterday and tell me it was the most perfect trip and Savana was a perfect angel. I am beyond proud of my little girl.

**missychrissy** · 04-21-2010, 06:27 AM

That's always so awesome to hear.

**daylilies** · 04-21-2010, 06:59 AM

Glad it all went well Bridget!

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