Secular Confessions

[addysonreese]

Lauren, so if you have to, you just wait a year. In the long run, it's not that big a deal. What you could do is apply at a community college and take courses that will transfer....I'm not sure if they charge in and out of state or not.

Maybe you could try now to apply for unemployment?

Do NOT waste your time paying 28K....that is too much and you will not get enough loans. Do NOT take private student loans. You are better off financially waiting just one year and saving that much more money.

My sister had to put off school for almost a year because of something similar dealing with student loans...turned out just fine and gave her 9 more months to prepare.

I can't apply for unemployment. I tried. I'm not eligible.

I'm not exactly sure the full tuition is 28k.. the list charged me for room and board, but obviously I'm not living on campus so I'm sure things like that go away. I just don't know my financial aid package and if I can't even get a job with the economy the way it is, I can't see me getting a ton of aid, despite my income, or lackthereof.

or even 1 semester? It sounds like you were pretty close to the 1 year cut off anyway. Don't give up!!

Well, it's not just about living here for year.. it's about proving that the reason I'm here is not just because of school, like I own a business, or have a license to do so, or I work, or something like that.. of which I have none.

And while I realize the best decision would be to just wait a year, at this moment, I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have no job, no friends, nothing to keep me sane except for my boyfriend and he works. School was the thing I had to look forward to and that is gone. And unfortunately, that is what was keeping me going most days when everything else had gone to sh!t. So, please forgive me if that sounds harsh or maybe I sound childish in my depression about this, but this was what I had going for me.

[Bridget]

Lauren, sorry if you've already covered this but do you have a driver's license or is your name on the lease where you live?

[addysonreese]

Lauren, sorry if you've already covered this but do you have a driver's license or is your name on the lease where you live?

I don't have a driver's license, unfortunately. That's a longggg story to get into, lol.

My name isn't on the lease, either. My boyfriend's credit isn't the best, and he's been working to make it better, but since he's been living at the same place for 5 years, he just renews and it's fine. He renewed a month ago, but putting my name on the lease would have them re-check his credit and check mine, which is crap as well, so we kinda had to leave it alone, unfortunately.

[missychrissy]

You're absolutely correct about your dbf's relationship with his daughter being in his hands. Hopefully he's learning that first hand himself with this trip and doesn't mean for it to sound like a dig at you when he says that. He could be just in awe over how 'easy' it is with her and admitting he was a little lapse before may be hard. Or, he might not 'see' it yet.

As for his family-I don't know them so I can't really guess as to whether they're laughing in malice or just thinking she's cute. How is your relationship with them normally?

[addysonreese]

You're absolutely correct about your dbf's relationship with his daughter being in his hands. Hopefully he's learning that first hand himself with this trip and doesn't mean for it to sound like a dig at you when he says that. He could be just in awe over how 'easy' it is with her and admitting he was a little lapse before may be hard. Or, he might not 'see' it yet.

As for his family-I don't know them so I can't really guess as to whether they're laughing in malice or just thinking she's cute. How is your relationship with them normally?

I agree with this.

As for his family, maybe they think it's cute that she says "no, thank you?" as in maybe she's so polite about it? I'm not sure. I wouldn't think it's a dig at you, though.

[missychrissy]

And while I realize the best decision would be to just wait a year, at this moment, I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have no job, no friends, nothing to keep me sane except for my boyfriend and he works. School was the thing I had to look forward to and that is gone. And unfortunately, that is what was keeping me going most days when everything else had gone to sh!t. So, please forgive me if that sounds harsh or maybe I sound childish in my depression about this, but this was what I had going for me.

I can understand why you'd be upset. You don't sound childish at all. My heart really goes out to you.

[Bridget]

You're absolutely correct about your dbf's relationship with his daughter being in his hands. Hopefully he's learning that first hand himself with this trip and doesn't mean for it to sound like a dig at you when he says that. He could be just in awe over how 'easy' it is with her and admitting he was a little lapse before may be hard. Or, he might not 'see' it yet.

As for his family-I don't know them so I can't really guess as to whether they're laughing in malice or just thinking she's cute. How is your relationship with them normally?

It's hard to tell. I honestly haven't spent much time with them. I know they question some of my parenting methods and are probably shocked that Savana is such a gem because when she was 2 she was so challenging and they never thought I was hard enough on her. I guess they've been telling dbf that I should have let him made the trip longer because Savana is fine and he's telling them it's not her it's me. Which, whatever. It is me then. I' miss my girl. And I think a week is plenty long for her first trip away from me.

[addysonreese]

I can understand why you'd be upset. You don't sound childish at all. My heart really goes out to you.

Thanks. I know the decision is not final, as I don't know what my financial aid package is yet, but with my history with financial aid, and how the economy is, I just can't see myself getting enough, and I don't like the idea of private loan companies like Sallie Mae and things like that. I don't feel like accruing interest that will most likely double my loans in size, KWIM?

I just have no idea what to do, as of this moment, not necessarily in the future.

[Bridget]

I agree with this.

As for his family, maybe they think it's cute that she says "no, thank you?" as in maybe she's so polite about it? I'm not sure. I wouldn't think it's a dig at you, though.

Maybe I should try to look at it that way. It's just not how it comes across.

[missychrissy]

Thanks. I know the decision is not final, as I don't know what my financial aid package is yet, but with my history with financial aid, and how the economy is, I just can't see myself getting enough, and I don't like the idea of private loan companies like Sallie Mae and things like that. I don't feel like accruing interest that will most likely double my loans in size, KWIM?

I just have no idea what to do, as of this moment, not necessarily in the future.

Well lets hope the financial aide package is a huge pleasant surprise, and that if you needed to borrow anything, it would be minute. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Maybe I should try to look at it that way. It's just not how it comes across.

If they are being mean, they really suck and you're much better than that. I know it's hard, but these things have a way of sorting themselves out. As you've proved already, your way does work and you're doing a fabulous job. No thanks to them

[addysonreese]

Maybe I should try to look at it that way. It's just not how it comes across.

I understand. At the end of the day though, you are a wonderful mama and are raising those kids right. We all know that. Poo on them if they can't see that. And you have every right to want Savana home ASAP. It's not easy having your child gone for a week, or even a couple of days. They should be more receptive and understanding to that.

Well lets hope the financial aide package is a huge pleasant surprise, and that if you needed to borrow anything, it would be minute. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Thanks. I need all the good vibes and finger crossing I can get. I think I'm supposed to know what I'm getting this week or next. I'm supposed to take my placement test on Friday, and I don't even wanna study for it.. not that I need to study, but I haven't had to do math in a couple of years. I should brush up.

[stash]

Oh blah, Bridget. It's hard enough to have her so far away and miss her, let alone with DBF being a weenie, as if her "not listening to him" has anything to do with YOU. She's a GOOD KID, of course she's going to listen to him when he's the only "authority figure" around. It sounds like he's actually stepping up to be a parent when you're not there, so she's responding to that. When you're there, he doesn't, so she doesn't pay him any mind.

I would hope that everyone is laughing because she's just so stinking CUTE and not because the "joke's on you." It will be nice to have her home!

[The10Eels]

I confess I am OFFICIALLY in the process of getting a divorce! Just got home from filing the papers at the courthouse!

[Bridget]

Oh blah, Bridget. It's hard enough to have her so far away and miss her, let alone with DBF being a weenie, as if her "not listening to him" has anything to do with YOU. She's a GOOD KID, of course she's going to listen to him when he's the only "authority figure" around. It sounds like he's actually stepping up to be a parent when you're not there, so she's responding to that. When you're there, he doesn't, so she doesn't pay him any mind.

I would hope that everyone is laughing because she's just so stinking CUTE and not because the "joke's on you." It will be nice to have her home!

Thanks. I really hope this trip makes him a better parent. Something's got to. And I've decided maybe I'm slightly over sensitive right now so I'm just going to let my feelings about them laughing go. So much to contend with these days. I need to chill the *bleep* out.

[Bridget]

I confess I am OFFICIALLY in the process of getting a divorce! Just got home from filing the papers at the courthouse!

[Gwenn]

Lots to catch up on, so I know I'll forget to respond to something I wanted to comment on.

Bridget, I'm so sorry for what you are going through with your mom. And I'm glad DBF is stepping up and learning to parent. I want to believe his family is laughing because she is cute - that's something I can picture my family doing and it wouldn't be personal.

Chrissy, you did the right thing. The girl was out of line for getting physical with chidlren that much younger.

Lauren, I'm sorry. I would keep calling, too. I'm certain there is something you can do -- but if there isn't, don't get too down. There's always next semester.

[3andMe]

I confess I am OFFICIALLY in the process of getting a divorce! Just got home from filing the papers at the courthouse!

Congratulations, as much as one can congratulate a divorce. I know it feels good to have it over, or close to it.

Lots to catch up on, so I know I'll forget to respond to something I wanted to comment on.

Bridget, I'm so sorry for what you are going through with your mom. And I'm glad DBF is stepping up and learning to parent. I want to believe his family is laughing because she is cute - that's something I can picture my family doing and it wouldn't be personal.

Chrissy, you did the right thing. The girl was out of line for getting physical with chidlren that much younger.

Lauren, I'm sorry. I would keep calling, too. I'm certain there is something you can do -- but if there isn't, don't get too down. There's always next semester.

I'm quoting and agreeing with Mandy, because I'm a little too braindead to come up with my own stuff right now and because those were nice little summaries and responses and I'm invariably too wordy.

We spent time with two different children close in age to ours over the past few days. A family down the street has a 3-year-old girl and I happened to see the mom today and she's pregnant and due in June! She actually met us with her daughter at a playground, and it was so cool to see Claire and her dd running around and playing together. And the day before, a friend brought his son over and we all went to the zoo and then came back here for dinner. The twins keep asking me where their friends are. It makes me even more determined to have more regular exposure to other children they might develop bonds with, because they have so much fun.

And Claire has jumped and crashed so much lately, she has a record number of 4 bandaids on various angular parts of her body.

Me? I'm just worn out. I need to iron, organize stuff, clean closets, take stuff to donate, and instead I've been playing Civilization with dh in the evenings and feeling competitive and yet oddly close with him, because we are also battling common enemies. I love video games, and haven't played any in about 10 years because I like them a little too much.

[Gwenn]

I confess BFN this morning, 14 days after I think I O'd.

DH says he just doesn't believe it. He says he's "just had a feeling" this month.

I don't know ... I've been told those tests are very accurate (I took a FRER) and I don't have any reason to distrust it. Then again, AF isn't here and I've been a little nauseous in the mornings. But I know it's too early for that and it's probably allergies. And DH wants it to be wrong because he's leaving in less than two weeks. I don't really want to hang on to something that isn't true.

[midgeend]

Mandy, you don't know til you know. I know that you don't want your hopes up, but until you get AF or a BFP you just don't know for sure. Keeping fingers crossed for you.


Bridget - I really hope DH's family isn't being mean. It's so good that he's establishing more of a relationship with Savanna, and it'll be nice if it continues.

Lauren - I agree with Chrissy that you MUST not give up on trying for next semester...but also that if it turns out that you need to wait a semester that that's better than paying out of state tuition. As far as the job thing goes... is there really nothing you could get, even part time? I'm not totally familiar with your job search - so forgive me.

Atineille - how exciting that your divorce is starting. You will be a free woman soon!!

[addysonreese]

Lauren - I agree with Chrissy that you MUST not give up on trying for next semester...but also that if it turns out that you need to wait a semester that that's better than paying out of state tuition. As far as the job thing goes... is there really nothing you could get, even part time? I'm not totally familiar with your job search - so forgive me.

The thing is, if I don't get enough tuition, I can't just re-apply for next semester. While I need to live here in Texas for 12 months, I ALSO need to have been working for 12 months as well. So unless I get enough financial aid, I would have to find a job and work for a year in order to get in-state tuition next fall. It is the stupidest thing in the world.

I had something back in November that was a temp job through one of those agencies. It was supposed to be till January.. until I found out that the job site was closing in less than two weeks, so that's all I worked. The agency promised they'd get me something new and they never did, and every phone call I make to them just gets unanswered.

I've been looking for something since I moved here - last July - and either I get an interview and don't get hired, or my phone calls and applications go nowhere. I look every day and I'm just not finding anything. For every job that opens, there are a ton of people applying for it. Even my boyfriend's job is employing people who have degrees that have nothing to do with customer care.

The residency office told me if I had unemployment or government assistance I could be considered, but I'm not eligible for either. So, unless a miracle happens, and I get enough aid to cover all my expenses for the year, I can't see myself being able to go to school. I have no idea what to do.

I've been spending my day either crying, or sleeping. I just really don't have the energy for anything else. I already had to drop out of community college in NH because I was under the independent age, and had to wait 3 years before I could get anywhere. Being at a dead end again is starting to kill me.

Sorry for the long explanation.

[3andMe]

Mandy, you don't know til you know. I know that you don't want your hopes up, but until you get AF or a BFP you just don't know for sure. Keeping fingers crossed for you.

Totally. I've never gotten any positives that early.

[missychrissy]

Lauren, what about scholarships?

[addysonreese]

Lauren, what about scholarships?

I'm thinking about looking into some actually.

There was one I had looked into that was for students with a mental disorder or depression (of which I have) but since I have no doctor, I kinda can't prove it, heh.

The school had some that I looked into, but I don't think I'm eligible, since they seemed to be more for in-state students from what I understood. They have something called the Maverick Promise, which is for low income families, where they will pay your tuition in full, but again, I'm out of state so I don't qualify.

I don't really want to give up on this. I just feel like no matter what I do, the other shoe drops.. or whatever that line is.

Clinton's being sweet though, he wants to take me out to dinner tonight and get my mind off of things.

[Gwenn]

Thanks for the support, girls.

Lauren, did you have a doctor diagnose you with depression in the past? Can you ask for your medical records?

[addysonreese]

Lauren, did you have a doctor diagnose you with depression in the past? Can you ask for your medical records?

I was diagnosed with dysthimic disorder when I was about.. 17 or 18. The records are at a hospital in NY.. I'm not even sure if they still have my records on file.

I just checked my student account and my financial aid has been figured out. I'm getting money, a good amount, but I'm still iffy on how much will cover my tuition. I haven't registered for classes, and there are always hidden fees, so I'm not sure how I can find out what I should be looking at. I have no money in pocket that I could owe them, so that's out of the question.

ETA: In looking at my financial summary, it says I still owe them 7 grand.. but if you take out room and board (I'm commuting) that cuts that out right there. I need to call the office tomorrow and confirm all of this.

[Cosmosmom]

Lauren, just a thought but are you planning on getting married at some point? If you were married, than wouldn't that count as a resident?

Not saying that would be a good reason to get married....but on the other hand, it does allow benefits to be shared. I married when I did because I was getting too old for my parents health insurance and DH had some through his job (we were together 5 years at that point and engaged...just didn't ever set a date until the insurance thing came up).

[addysonreese]

Lauren, just a thought but are you planning on getting married at some point? If you were married, than wouldn't that count as a resident?

Not saying that would be a good reason to get married....but on the other hand, it does allow benefits to be shared. I married when I did because I was getting too old for my parents health insurance and DH had some through his job (we were together 5 years at that point and engaged...just didn't ever set a date until the insurance thing came up).

I would love to get married, but if I were to do so, it would affect my financial aid, since they'd have to go off of my spouses' tax return as well. Being technically single helps them go off just my forms, and I make diddly squat.

[Gwenn]

I would love to get married, but if I were to do so, it would affect my financial aid, since they'd have to go off of my spouses' tax return as well. Being technically single helps them go off just my forms, and I make diddly squat.

That's the biggest reason we waited until I finished my Master's to get married. However, Jennifer has a good point and if you don't plan to wait until you are finished with ALL your schooling (and then be 36 and still TTC#1 as I am) you might want to weigh both the benefits and the drawbacks and see which makes more sense.

[addysonreese]

That's the biggest reason we waited until I finished my Master's to get married. However, Jennifer has a good point and if you don't plan to wait until you are finished with ALL your schooling (and then be 36 and still TTC#1 as I am) you might want to weigh both the benefits and the drawbacks and see which makes more sense.

This is true, although with a surgical residency, I'm not even sure kids will be an option. He's also never seen himself having children. That kind of talk will have to wait a while, unfortunately.

I will probably wait until everything is finished before we do that, which will seem weird to me. I never thought I would be dating someone for almost a decade before I got married. But if it gets me to pay for school, then I do what I need to do.

[Gwenn]

We dated for 7.5 years before we were married, so I totally understand.