Secular Confessions

[Ky'sMom]

Okay, well, you know how I'll feel about this one. Tell her the truth. Tell her that a daddy uses his penis to put sperm inside the mommy's vagina, and the sperm and egg meet, do a little dance, and make a baby seed. Sometimes the baby seed turns into a baby, and sometimes the baby seed poops out like her sunflower seeds do, and the mommy and daddy have to try again.

If you evade this, it will confuse her. She's smart, and she will NOT understand why you're not explaining when you explain everything else.

As for your daycare kids, tell Savana that smaller kids don't have the smarts yet to understand the big girl things she does, and she needs to keep it to herself. That it's one of those things it's important that THEIR mommies explain to them, when they're big and smart like she is.

Then stop worrying about it. It's just sex.

I explained it to Ky in a pretty similar way and he was fine and didn't tell everyone like I thought he would. Though, I didn't care if he did because I'm just like that, but I was very simple and to the point, which is how I always am with any kiddie questions. I have found that when I am simple and direct he will not ask as many follow ups since I answer everything on the first go-round. And I agree not to worry, it IS just sex, even though others may have problems with it (for some unknown reason since I'm sure most adults have had sex at some point in their lives and if not they are missing out).

Erin

[missychrissy]

Ouch. I hope you don't think I have a problem with sex or talking about it, because I don't. I do have issues with people telling my children things that they're not even remotely ready to be aware of. Conner's biggest concern is when he is going to get another Thomas train. He hasn't even asked about babies or how anything is made. He takes everything as it is at face value.

[daylilies]

I guess if I had a child who was really interested and I felt could understand, I'd be as candid as I could. I know how kids are smarter than we think sometimes and they know when we're hiding stuff from them. I'd use terms and analogies he understood.
Josh asks some really good questions sometimes but nothing like that. I think he's very intuitive. The other day I took him to the Train Your Dragon movie (he didn't like it, we left halfway through). At one point the boy is trying to befriend the dragon but is not speaking to him. Josh said "Why doesn't he just tell the dragon he's not going to hurt him?" I was really surprised he understood what was going on. Maybe I just don't give him enough credit!

[stash]

Nah Missy, we don't think you're a prude I think if kids aren't ready for information, they mostly just glaze over when it's delivered to them

[stephmama]

Funny story about conversations during explaining sex. I may have shared this before but just in case I haven't...it's too funny not to share.

When my sister was explaining sex to my niece for the umpteenth time, my niece asked her...

Susannah: Did you and Daddy have sex?
My sister: Well no honey, remember I told you mommy had to have help from the doctor? We had to go to the doctor.
Susannah: Well what about Mimi and Jimi, did THEY have sex and get pregnant?
My sister: Actually, no honey, they had to go to the doctor too. Me and Mimi both had to go to the doctor.
Susannah: Do a lot of women in our family have to go to the doctor? Am I going to have to go to the doctor!?
My sister: Well not necessarily honey, hopefully you'll get to have some sex!


"Well...AFTER you're married!!!!"

She called me up telling me how she could absolutely not believe she just told her eight year old daughter that she HOPED she would have sex! lol

[addysonreese]

Okay, well, you know how I'll feel about this one. Tell her the truth. Tell her that a daddy uses his penis to put sperm inside the mommy's vagina, and the sperm and egg meet, do a little dance, and make a baby seed. Sometimes the baby seed turns into a baby, and sometimes the baby seed poops out like her sunflower seeds do, and the mommy and daddy have to try again.

If you evade this, it will confuse her. She's smart, and she will NOT understand why you're not explaining when you explain everything else.

As for your daycare kids, tell Savana that smaller kids don't have the smarts yet to understand the big girl things she does, and she needs to keep it to herself. That it's one of those things it's important that THEIR mommies explain to them, when they're big and smart like she is.

Then stop worrying about it. It's just sex.

I agree with this, definitely.

Funny story about conversations during explaining sex. I may have shared this before but just in case I haven't...it's too funny not to share.

When my sister was explaining sex to my niece for the umpteenth time, my niece asked her...

Susannah: Did you and Daddy have sex?
My sister: Well no honey, remember I told you mommy had to have help from the doctor? We had to go to the doctor.
Susannah: Well what about Mimi and Jimi, did THEY have sex and get pregnant?
My sister: Actually, no honey, they had to go to the doctor too. Me and Mimi both had to go to the doctor.
Susannah: Do a lot of women in our family have to go to the doctor? Am I going to have to go to the doctor!?
My sister: Well not necessarily honey, hopefully you'll get to have some sex!


"Well...AFTER you're married!!!!"

She called me up telling me how she could absolutely not believe she just told her eight year old daughter that she HOPED she would have sex! lol

That's hilarious.

Speaking of talking about things candidly, once I was babysitting my cousin, who was about 8 at the time - he's 13 now.. where does the time go! - and out of nowhere he goes, "Lauren, what's a slut?"

I said, "Where did you hear that?" and he said, "At school. Some kid was saying he heard it somewhere. So what is it?"

Now, I'm his cousin, and I wasn't really sure where my place was to be speaking to him about it, but all I said was that it is a mean word and it shouldn't be used at all, especially by someone of his age. He just said, "Oh.. okay," and that was that. I told my aunt about it later, just to give her a heads' up, and from what I knew, it was never spoken about again.

I know that when I have kids, I want to be as honest as possible about things, because they're gonna hear TONS of things at school and everywhere else, and I want to make sure that they know what the truth is. I know I heard many things passed around that after I had the smarts to look them up, found out they were far from true.

Totally OT now, but Steph, I love the side pony you're still rockin' I tried to take a pic myself to add to it, but no picture I took came out right.

[Ky'sMom]

That is TOOOO funny Janeen!!! LOL!!

Ky asked me what a whore was a few months ago. He heard it at school. I told him what people think it is, we also looked it up in the dictionary. I also took it as an opportunity to tell him about ho's and sluts lol, my aunt heard that conversation and thought I was crazy, but I'd rather he know from me and the dictionary than some punk's definition of anything.

[missychrissy]

Bobbie overheard someone at school talking about a BJ once and she didn't think I'd know what it was.

[addysonreese]

That is TOOOO funny Janeen!!! LOL!!

Ky asked me what a whore was a few months ago. He heard it at school. I told him what people think it is, we also looked it up in the dictionary. I also took it as an opportunity to tell him about ho's and sluts lol, my aunt heard that conversation and thought I was crazy, but I'd rather he know from me and the dictionary than some punk's definition of anything.

Exactly.

This whole thing reminds me of a stand up show that Bill Engvall did where he was talking to his son about sex and he said something like:

So, I told him 'Okay, son, now why don't you tell me what you've heard and know about sex, and I'll correct you on what's wrong and right,' .. and when he was done, I started writing stuff down, like, 'Really, you can do that?!'



In all seriousness, it sort of bothers me what teens and such KNOW about sex or what they think they know. It's usually all backwards and incorrect, and most don't want to talk to their parents about it. It's not exactly an easy conversation to have; I know I certainly didn't want to ask my mom about it.

[addysonreese]

Bobbie overheard someone at school talking about a BJ once and she didn't think I'd know what it was.

I watched Cruel Intentions with my mom once and there's a scene where Sarah Michelle Gellar is sort of.. doing things to Ryan Phillipe and my mom's like "She's totally not doing that.. her hand isn't even at the right angle." I was like, "MOM! NOT COOL!"

[Cosmosmom]

Bobbie overheard someone at school talking about a BJ once and she didn't think I'd know what it was.

That's funny. I have to admit when I first heard about that I was 16 and in 10th grade. And I totally thought my parents wouldn't know what that was. LOL I mean the act maybe but not that particular name for it. Never did ask them.....

[Bridget]

See, I'd have NEVER asked my mom anything about anything even related to the topic of sex. Ever. I don't want it to be like that for my kids.

[daylilies]

I think health class covered it for me pretty well. Sure there were some misunderstandings when I was maybe 9 or 10. There were some pretty gross rumors going around about one of the new kids on the block being gay. One of the rumors said that sperm was found in his stomach and I had no idea what that implied. LOL
I remember the year I lost my virginity I felt so different I thought everyone could tell. I paraded around and was so disappointed when my mom didn't even ask. LOL

[missychrissy]

See, I'd have NEVER asked my mom anything about anything even related to the topic of sex. Ever. I don't want it to be like that for my kids.

We talk about it all the time. I can't even remember the first time it came up. I'll have to ask them.

I do know Bobbie once asked me something sexually related and I said, "What does Jessica say it is?" or something like that, thinking that they'd first discussed it amongst themselves before she came to me (they still do that, by the time I hear something they've agreed on who will say what and when ). Anyway, Bobbie says, "I don't know. Let me go ask her!" And I was like WAIT! NO!!! Just kidding Bobbie. Bobbie was probably 8 or so at the time.

Time surely flies....a couple month ago I just learned about introducing you to friends Neil and Bob from my girls. I'd never heard that joke before.

[MammaMia]

I watched Cruel Intentions with my mom once and there's a scene where Sarah Michelle Gellar is sort of.. doing things to Ryan Phillipe and my mom's like "She's totally not doing that.. her hand isn't even at the right angle." I was like, "MOM! NOT COOL!"

LMAO! I would die if my mother told me that.

I don't have much constructive to say about talking to kids about sex, except that I knew the basics by 3 or 4 years old, including the bit about penises and vaginas. That worked out fine for us.

Completely O/T, but my auto spellchecker is telling me that it's not "vaginas" but "vaginae".

[daylilies]

LMAO at Neil and Bob

[missychrissy]

We don't normally speak that graphic or crass...which is probably why it was so hysterical to me when we did have that conversation. But at any rate, they're not afraid to bring things up and we've definitely talked about various topics numerous times throughout the years.

[stash]

I tried to ask my mom about sex, but she just flipped out on me. That was after my childhood, where she over-exposed me to information about sex (think graphic hippy books with PICTURES, and I mean full on naked people having sex pictures). So when I hit 13 and asked her if I could be on the pill, she flipped out and refused to talk to me about it. Er huh? Opportunity to say "well sure honey, I want you to be protected. Are you thinking about having sex with a boy?" Nope. She just flipped out and that was the LAST time I asked.

I don't want my kids to feel that way, ever.

[addysonreese]

I tried to ask my mom about sex, but she just flipped out on me. That was after my childhood, where she over-exposed me to information about sex (think graphic hippy books with PICTURES, and I mean full on naked people having sex pictures). So when I hit 13 and asked her if I could be on the pill, she flipped out and refused to talk to me about it. Er huh? Opportunity to say "well sure honey, I want you to be protected. Are you thinking about having sex with a boy?" Nope. She just flipped out and that was the LAST time I asked.

I don't want my kids to feel that way, ever.

I had something similar happen to me, definitely. I think it was a post on masturbation, and I had commented on how my mom was with me.

The thing is - and I know I'm not a parent yet - but I don't understand some who want to force their children to not have sex under any circumstances. I know religion plays a lot into it, but if my child were to come up to me and say they wanted to be on birth control or that they wanted to know more about condoms I think I'd be proud to know my kid was being wise about it. Sure, there'd be a loooong talk about knowing when you're truly ready and not wanting to have sex because everyone else is doing it, but still. Knowing that they're wanting to take the correct steps to be protected is such a good thing.

[midgeend]

I've had a tough day today. It's one of those days where in some ways I wish I did believe strongly in some kind of higher power, so that I could blame someone else...or "give it up" to someone else, instead of feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world.

I see how strange that seems.

[addysonreese]

I've had a tough day today. It's one of those days where in some ways I wish I did believe strongly in some kind of higher power, so that I could blame someone else...or "give it up" to someone else, instead of feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world.

I see how strange that seems.

I'm sorry. I hope everything gets better for you.

[girlwonder]

I've had a tough day today. It's one of those days where in some ways I wish I did believe strongly in some kind of higher power, so that I could blame someone else...or "give it up" to someone else, instead of feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world.

I see how strange that seems.

Not strange at all. It would be nice to let someone else carry it for a while.

[midgeend]

I had something similar happen to me, definitely. I think it was a post on masturbation, and I had commented on how my mom was with me.

The thing is - and I know I'm not a parent yet - but I don't understand some who want to force their children to not have sex under any circumstances. I know religion plays a lot into it, but if my child were to come up to me and say they wanted to be on birth control or that they wanted to know more about condoms I think I'd be proud to know my kid was being wise about it. Sure, there'd be a loooong talk about knowing when you're truly ready and not wanting to have sex because everyone else is doing it, but still. Knowing that they're wanting to take the correct steps to be protected is such a good thing.

I'm with you. I don't get the abstinence only deal - our bodies are designed to want to have sex at about puberty...(scratching head) So, where's the sense in not teaching our children how to be safe about it, along with teaching them restraint?


I was really lucky to have parents who are/were completely open about all things sex ed. I don't have a memory of not knowing how it works, and how to stop babies from coming into existence. My parents were both heavily into the cloth before they met and got married...my dad was one year away from taking vows for priesthood, and my mother was a nun...so I think I got the good end of religious ed because of their reforming ways.

[MammaMia]

I tried to ask my mom about sex, but she just flipped out on me. That was after my childhood, where she over-exposed me to information about sex (think graphic hippy books with PICTURES, and I mean full on naked people having sex pictures). So when I hit 13 and asked her if I could be on the pill, she flipped out and refused to talk to me about it. Er huh? Opportunity to say "well sure honey, I want you to be protected. Are you thinking about having sex with a boy?" Nope. She just flipped out and that was the LAST time I asked.

I don't want my kids to feel that way, ever.

That really sucks.

My parents were good about it. I never wanted to talk to them about sex as a teenager, but I knew I was always welcome to. When I was about 14 my mother found me a nice female doctor, and told me how to make an appointment for myself in case I ever wanted to go there without telling them. I thought that was a really cool of her. She wanted to ensure I had another responsible adult to talk to if I ever felt like I couldn't talk to them.

I've had a tough day today. It's one of those days where in some ways I wish I did believe strongly in some kind of higher power, so that I could blame someone else...or "give it up" to someone else, instead of feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world.

I see how strange that seems.

No, it's not strange at all. I'm sorry you've had a rough day.

[MammaMia]

I confess that we went to see the erupting volcano today. We were really far away so all we saw was a bit of smoke. You have to hike up closer to see the lava.

I confess that we're going to try letting Mia stay overnight at MIL's house for the first time this Saturday. I'm not sure I'm ready for it.

[stash]

Midge, that's not strange at all.

And you guys will, perhaps, think I'm a nutcase, but despite my complete lack of belief in a "higher power" I do still believe in the power of "just letting go." I jokingly tell my husband "let go and let god" which is really a joke, but I have great faith. Not in god, but in the idea that simply letting go of fear and suffering is the only way to live - and that in doing that, you gravitate peace and prosperity to yourself. Positive action creates positive reaction, simple as that.

Do I know how it works that when I seem to be able to let go in really stressful life situations, things resolve (in most cases) much better than they *could have* turned out? No clue. Is there a scientific basis to it? Nope. But it works for me.

Besides that, pain in life is inevitable. Why complicate it with unnecessary suffering?

Okay, off my altruistic soap box.

[midgeend]

I totally agree with that way of thinking Stash. I wish my husband did

We're totally each others opposite, I am the eternal optimist, and he's about as negative as they come. And right now, I'm struggling with a serious level of his negativity surrounding our small business. I'm one, that even when faced with a huge challenge, I can always find where it's not that bad. Basically I'm always willing to accept, that losing everything material might really suck, but I have supportive family, a healthy daughter, my own health, and a happy marriage and that we'd always be able to pick up the pieces...whereas my husband just sees the horrible bad side of everything.
I don't blame him. He lost both parents before he was 27, his brother and his sister aren't terrible close with him, and aren't outwardly supportive of all the wonderful things he's done.

Blah blah blah. I just struggle with finding a way to "let go" and let the stress walk on outta my house...but every time my DH comes home, it walks right back in.


Thanks for all the warm thoughts ladies.

[stash]

Oh blech, yeah that'll kick the pants right off your positive thinking. I'm sorry. I just went through quite a roller-coaster-ride with our consulting business that had me thinking I was better off finding a full-time job (pregnant, yeah right). We pulled through it just fine, but I honestly think it had mostly to do with the fact that we both looked at each other and said "we will do everything we can to make this good, and if that isn't enough nothing is."

Hugs.

[Bridget]

Midge, That makes total sense to me. I wish I could pray sometimes just so I could ask someone to help me.
And I also believe very much in letting things go. I'm an "it is what it is" type of person. But dbf is not. So we clash there. I'm like dammit, let me be peaceful!

[The10Eels]

I confess I am home from my final... Im not sure how I did, but I get my final grade for the classroom portion on Tuesday...