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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #9661
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    Stacy, yay for a healthy baby!!!

  2. #9662
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    Dammit, I just made a huge batch of cookies for MIL's birthday tomorrow and they taste like crap.


  3. #9663

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    My house is empty.

  4. #9664

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    Quote Originally Posted by stephmama View Post
    My house is empty.
    Isn't the silence loud?
    I confess that I'm trying to read Raising Freethinkers but it's coming along slowly because I NEVER have time to read and every time I sit to read, something distracts me.
    But I just finished a bit on how Christianity always tells you to be forgiving and that we are made to feel like we must forgive people, even for the most heinous act and even if they are not sorry. I remember that so well from growing up and it did not sit well with me. The truth being that it's not about forgiveness, it's about acceptance. It's the decision to let go of the anger and accept the reality of the situation. I like that so much better becasue dammit, there are some things I just can't forgive. Thought I'd share.

  5. #9665

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    Quote Originally Posted by MammaMia View Post
    Dammit, I just made a huge batch of cookies for MIL's birthday tomorrow and they taste like crap.
    Can you frost them? Make a glaze with milk and confectioner's sugar with a bit of vanilla or cinnamon or orange extract, put them on a rack and drizzle with glaze or dip them.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  6. #9666
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    Quote Originally Posted by stephmama View Post
    My house is empty.
    Good luck with the move!

    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    Isn't the silence loud?
    I confess that I'm trying to read Raising Freethinkers but it's coming along slowly because I NEVER have time to read and every time I sit to read, something distracts me.
    But I just finished a bit on how Christianity always tells you to be forgiving and that we are made to feel like we must forgive people, even for the most heinous act and even if they are not sorry. I remember that so well from growing up and it did not sit well with me. The truth being that it's not about forgiveness, it's about acceptance. It's the decision to let go of the anger and accept the reality of the situation. I like that so much better becasue dammit, there are some things I just can't forgive. Thought I'd share.
    The concept of forgiveness has become really big in our culture, and not just in a religious context. It's interesting to see someone questioning it.

    Quote Originally Posted by katycat24 View Post
    Can you frost them? Make a glaze with milk and confectioner's sugar with a bit of vanilla or cinnamon or orange extract, put them on a rack and drizzle with glaze or dip them.
    Nope, the problem is that they're already too sweet. I accidentally put in 1/2 cup too much sugar. They're all hard and crispy.


  7. #9667
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    I confess that I'm still shaken up over something that happened this afternoon when I picked Mia up from daycare.

    There was this mother & father there picking up their 3 year old twin boys. One of the boys was having an overtired meltdown and his mother was full-on yelling at him, threatening and verbally abusing the poor kid in while he got increasingly hysterical. She was shaming him in front of his teachers and friends. The poor thing was sobbing so hard. It's not like she just snapped once, she was yelling at him non-stop him for a good 5-10 minutes. Then the other twin fell and whacked his head, so she starts yelling at him too for being so careless. Then she flipped out on the first boy and dragged him outside really roughly, still yelling at him. The father was just sitting there like a lump, totally casual about it all.

    I know we all have parenting moments we aren't proud of, but this was just way over the top.

    I don't condone violence ever, but the primal momma bear in me wanted to punch the woman in the face. I was literally holding back the tears and shaking with anger.


  8. #9668

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    Quote Originally Posted by MammaMia View Post
    I confess that I'm still shaken up over something that happened this afternoon when I picked Mia up from daycare.

    There was this mother & father there picking up their 3 year old twin boys. One of the boys was having an overtired meltdown and his mother was full-on yelling at him, threatening and verbally abusing the poor kid in while he got increasingly hysterical. She was shaming him in front of his teachers and friends. The poor thing was sobbing so hard. It's not like she just snapped once, she was yelling at him non-stop him for a good 5-10 minutes. Then the other twin fell and whacked his head, so she starts yelling at him too for being so careless. Then she flipped out on the first boy and dragged him outside really roughly, still yelling at him. The father was just sitting there like a lump, totally casual about it all.

    I know we all have parenting moments we aren't proud of, but this was just way over the top.

    I don't condone violence ever, but the primal momma bear in me wanted to punch the woman in the face. I was literally holding back the tears and shaking with anger.
    I'm sorry you had to witness something like that. I feel for the two boys. Unbelievable that she would yell at one for simply falling.

    I confess that I have this boil - I guess that's what you'd call it (sorry if TMI) right in the middle of my chest, and it hurts a bit when the skin gets stretched in any way. I've used warm compresses on it a few times, and it's made it slightly better, but that's it. I'm gonna try some Neosporin on it since it seems like it's going down, but just needs a little extra help.

    *sigh* If it wasn't one thing, it'd be another!
    Lauren (24) Clinton (30) - my life, my rock Praying for all the APA girls! My Blog

  9. #9669

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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    Isn't the silence loud?
    I confess that I'm trying to read Raising Freethinkers but it's coming along slowly because I NEVER have time to read and every time I sit to read, something distracts me.
    But I just finished a bit on how Christianity always tells you to be forgiving and that we are made to feel like we must forgive people, even for the most heinous act and even if they are not sorry. I remember that so well from growing up and it did not sit well with me. The truth being that it's not about forgiveness, it's about acceptance. It's the decision to let go of the anger and accept the reality of the situation. I like that so much better becasue dammit, there are some things I just can't forgive. Thought I'd share.
    I agree with you on that. I have a friend of mine who's a devoted Christian and was trying to give me advice on something that happened to me last year, and said I needed to forgive the person and blah blah, and that I'd feel so much better if I did. I just can't do that. I especially agree with the above bolded statement. You can accept it happened, you can even get over it, but you can't forgive certain things. Can you move past them? Maybe.

    It just bothers me that we're expected to forgive a lot, and I just don't feel that says anything good, except, "Hey, thanks for screwing me over, I'm gonna forgive you each time, so feel free to do it again!"
    Lauren (24) Clinton (30) - my life, my rock Praying for all the APA girls! My Blog

  10. #9670

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    Sorry Sarah It's really frustrating to witness something like that.

  11. #9671

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    I think forgiveness is important in a lot of situations but impossible in others. I think self-forgiveness is really important but it certainly is harder to forgive others. I think acceptance is a good word. I think it's important to realize how certain events have shaped you, accept them and try to move on.

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    Quote Originally Posted by addysonreese View Post
    It just bothers me that we're expected to forgive a lot, and I just don't feel that says anything good, except, "Hey, thanks for screwing me over, I'm gonna forgive you each time, so feel free to do it again!"
    I don't think forgiveness says that at all. I can forgive anything...well, anything I've been exposed to thus far in life. That doesn't mean I'm foolish enough to give the person a 2nd opportunity to hurt me.

    Maybe my take on it is wrong, but forgiveness to me is simply letting go of the anger and negative emotions associated with whatever happens. I'm actually pretty good about not holding onto those things. It doesn't mean, however, that I'll sign up to put myself in a vulnerable position with that person again.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  13. #9673

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    Quote Originally Posted by MammaMia View Post
    Nope, the problem is that they're already too sweet. I accidentally put in 1/2 cup too much sugar. They're all hard and crispy.
    I would do a very tart glaze then, with lots of lemon juice and lemon zest and dip them. It will help with them being oversweet and give them some taste and also might soften them up a bit. Or just sprinkle them with sea salt - that's the new thing these days

    And I am so sorry you saw that distressing scene at daycare. One can only hope that woman was having the worst day of her life.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  14. #9674
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    I can't stomach it when little ones are abused...or anyone for that matter. It's really all I can do to not say something.

    One day when I worked at the mall someone was going off like that in front of our 'store' (it was really an office) and the other secretary walked right out there and gently grabbed the mom on the upper arm and said, "Are you ok? Do you need to come in and sit down?" Of course, the mom just blasted her...but at least it took the attention off the child and Mom shut up and stomped off.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  15. #9675

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    I don't think forgiveness says that at all. I can forgive anything...well, anything I've been exposed to thus far in life. That doesn't mean I'm foolish enough to give the person a 2nd opportunity to hurt me.

    Maybe my take on it is wrong, but forgiveness to me is simply letting go of the anger and negative emotions associated with whatever happens. I'm actually pretty good about not holding onto those things. It doesn't mean, however, that I'll sign up to put myself in a vulnerable position with that person again.
    I guess the people I've come across have seen forgiveness as a way to use someone again and again, and in different ways, but then again, it seems because of my age, I come across a lot of people who are still in that "high school drama" state of mind that I can't, quite frankly, stand at all.
    Lauren (24) Clinton (30) - my life, my rock Praying for all the APA girls! My Blog

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    I don't think forgiveness says that at all. I can forgive anything...well, anything I've been exposed to thus far in life. That doesn't mean I'm foolish enough to give the person a 2nd opportunity to hurt me.

    Maybe my take on it is wrong, but forgiveness to me is simply letting go of the anger and negative emotions associated with whatever happens. I'm actually pretty good about not holding onto those things. It doesn't mean, however, that I'll sign up to put myself in a vulnerable position with that person again.
    I tend to agree with this. Forgiveness to me is more about letting go. Very close to the way Bridget described acceptance. In that way, I believe it is a very mentally healthy thing to do. Holding on to anger for me only perpetuates the anger and doesn't help anything. But forgiveness doesn't mean you need to act naive or vulnerable in the future - although unfortunately some people do act that way.

    Sarah, I'm so sorry you had to witness that. It makes me beyond angry to see or hear of children being hurt by those who should be protecting them.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  17. #9677
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    Someone asked about forgiveness in the group religion area. This is what I put:

    Atheist here. I am not really fond of the idea of forgiveness. I think it has value in helping victims, if they are having a hard time letting go of something that is constantly making them angry or upset. For that, it can be a useful tool and I realize many people see it that way. I find that I am generally able to let things go for my sake and for my peace of mind without necessarily absolving others of their misdeeds.

    I try to ask myself if being angry is going to help anything. Is there anything I can do about the situation? Is there anything I can do to make the other person behave differently or better? If the answer to all of those is NO, then I need to work on my own response to the problem, which pretty much involves changing my attitude and letting it go. I don't think forgiveness has anything to do with it.

    If someone genuinely changes based on others' responses to misdeeds or new knowledge or realization, then I think forgiveness is warranted, because that will acknowledge and positively reinforce the change. In other words, forgiveness should be granted for the benefit of the person who committed the offense, not for the victim.


  18. #9678

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    Well said, Lydia.

  19. #9679

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    Quote Originally Posted by stephmama View Post
    My house is empty.
    Ohhhh, I thought you meant no one was there but you meant all your stuff is gone. So my other response makes no sense. Ignore me please.

  20. #9680

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    I have a really hard time letting things go. Things I have done, and things other people have done.

    Over a couple months ago MIL and I had a stupid fight because she basically called all of us (Josh included) lazy for not having him potty trained yet. I haven't seen her or spoken to her since then. I was going to let her watch Josh on Tuesday while I went out but I had to cancel going out because our basement was flooding. I was secretly a little relieved that she wouldn't have to watch him. LOL
    I just have a really hard time with confrontation and getting over stupid things like that. If she were a great person I'd probably have an easier time, but it was like the straw that broke the camel's back.

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    Quote Originally Posted by stash View Post
    OMG was that totally uncomfy? O was a "flipper" and was sideways a lot, and it made me CRAZY...
    To be completely honest... I didn't know she was transverse until we were looking at the screen for the ultrasound...

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    I confess... Phlebotomy final tomorrow! I'm not sure I am prepared for it, and I can't study during lunch because we are meeting with my aunt and cousin who are in town visiting....

  23. #9683
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    Good luck! I know you'll do great!
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  24. #9684

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    I confess that Savana has me in a quandry. She is really fascinated with life/death/birth and asks me a million questions every day about what gives birth and what lays eggs and how many babies does a goat have a one time vs how many babies does a dog have at one time. Never ends. And I love it.
    But three times now she has asked me how the daddy's seed gets inside the mommy's belly. I have successfully evaded the question but last night she called me into her room while laying in bed and told me "she really needs to know how the seed gets in there".
    I told her that I was having a hard time figuring out how to explain it so we would go to the library today and find a book that will help me teach her about it. I'm always really honest and candid with my kids but this one worries me. She loves to talk to everyone about all of her information. If we lived alone on the top of a mountain I wouldn't hesitate but I fear people will find it grossly inappropriate if she shares this. And I run a daycare, you know? Should I ask her to keep it private?
    And GAD, I hope she doesn't spill the beans about the Easter Bunny to her cousins. My sil will hate me even more than she already does.
    Any advice ladies? She's 4 by the way.

  25. #9685
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    Quote Originally Posted by addysonreese View Post
    I guess the people I've come across have seen forgiveness as a way to use someone again and again, and in different ways, but then again, it seems because of my age, I come across a lot of people who are still in that "high school drama" state of mind that I can't, quite frankly, stand at all.
    I know what you're saying. Some people really do never get past high school. I avoid them like the plague, and if/when they are near me and try to bait me, I feel pretty secure in myself and I know that they're the ones with the problem so they don't really have an affect on me...except as a minor annoyance and perhaps a lengthy philosophical discussion later with the kids if they've witnessed it.


    Bridget-I honestly don't know what to say about that because quite frankly, I'd be really upset if my 3 or 4 year old came home from daycare talking about sex. Conner is no where near ready for that and I don't recall any of my girls being that mature at 4 either. I'd definitely feel put upon if that conversation was forced on me by what the daycare lady's daughter said.

    Sorry. You know I love you...I'm just being honest.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  26. #9686

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    Was there an incident where someone said something to Savana about sex? I think I missed that.
    Anyway...I have no idea what I'd say to Josh about that. I'd love to hear some ideas.
    Oh nevermind...I get what Chrissy said now. LOL

  27. #9687
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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    I confess that Savana has me in a quandry. She is really fascinated with life/death/birth and asks me a million questions every day about what gives birth and what lays eggs and how many babies does a goat have a one time vs how many babies does a dog have at one time. Never ends. And I love it.
    But three times now she has asked me how the daddy's seed gets inside the mommy's belly. I have successfully evaded the question but last night she called me into her room while laying in bed and told me "she really needs to know how the seed gets in there".
    I told her that I was having a hard time figuring out how to explain it so we would go to the library today and find a book that will help me teach her about it. I'm always really honest and candid with my kids but this one worries me. She loves to talk to everyone about all of her information. If we lived alone on the top of a mountain I wouldn't hesitate but I fear people will find it grossly inappropriate if she shares this. And I run a daycare, you know? Should I ask her to keep it private?
    And GAD, I hope she doesn't spill the beans about the Easter Bunny to her cousins. My sil will hate me even more than she already does.
    Any advice ladies? She's 4 by the way.
    Every time my sister has talked to my niece about sex she reiterates the fact that "This is a conversation for mommies and daddies to have with their kids. This is not something for you to be sharing with your friends. We need to let their mommies and daddies teach them about this." And she has been pounding that into her head since, well, I don't know what age but she's eight now. So far I haven't heard any stories of her being the kid on the playground telling all the other little kids about how mommies and daddies have S-E-X.
    Janeen - 30, Jimi - 42; Married October 21st, 2006;


  28. #9688

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    Okay, well, you know how I'll feel about this one. Tell her the truth. Tell her that a daddy uses his penis to put sperm inside the mommy's vagina, and the sperm and egg meet, do a little dance, and make a baby seed. Sometimes the baby seed turns into a baby, and sometimes the baby seed poops out like her sunflower seeds do, and the mommy and daddy have to try again.

    If you evade this, it will confuse her. She's smart, and she will NOT understand why you're not explaining when you explain everything else.

    As for your daycare kids, tell Savana that smaller kids don't have the smarts yet to understand the big girl things she does, and she needs to keep it to herself. That it's one of those things it's important that THEIR mommies explain to them, when they're big and smart like she is.

    Then stop worrying about it. It's just sex.



  29. #9689

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    By the way, I think some precocious four years olds are certainly ready to understand the basics of reproductive biology. Oscar already gets how food is digested (complete with the names of all the parts from his esophagus to his rectum) and I've told him that the baby will be born from my vagina (after he asked if it would pop out of my belly button). He knows daddy has sperm and mommy has eggs (think chickens, he gets this part just fine) and hasn't asked about how the sperm gets to my egg yet, but when he does? No big deal.



  30. #9690
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    Funny story about conversations during explaining sex. I may have shared this before but just in case I haven't...it's too funny not to share.

    When my sister was explaining sex to my niece for the umpteenth time, my niece asked her...

    Susannah: Did you and Daddy have sex?
    My sister: Well no honey, remember I told you mommy had to have help from the doctor? We had to go to the doctor.
    Susannah: Well what about Mimi and Jimi, did THEY have sex and get pregnant?
    My sister: Actually, no honey, they had to go to the doctor too. Me and Mimi both had to go to the doctor.
    Susannah: Do a lot of women in our family have to go to the doctor? Am I going to have to go to the doctor!?
    My sister: Well not necessarily honey, hopefully you'll get to have some sex!


    "Well...AFTER you're married!!!!"

    She called me up telling me how she could absolutely not believe she just told her eight year old daughter that she HOPED she would have sex! lol
    Janeen - 30, Jimi - 42; Married October 21st, 2006;


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