I realized the other night (after saying something shockingly crude) that I am a lady in the bedroom and a whore in the living room, and it's supposed to be the other way around. Dh laughed when I told him.
Lauren (24) Clinton (30) - my life, my rock Praying for all the APA girls! My Blog
Anyone remember me telling about the guy I was friends with in AK, who didn't tell me until I was pregnant with Charlie that he was totally bummed when I married B because "now he knew he really lost any chance"??
I confess now that I am a single lady, he invited me to meet him in Vegas for a long weekend this summer.........
I confess that I have been in denial for three days now but I think today I have to admit I'm sick. I haven't been sick in at least 3 years. Seriously, not even a sniffle. Now I have a pounding headache and my throat hurts. I plan to continue munch on garlic and have it kicked by the end of the day.
Obviously you can't force an adult to comply with treatment, but I think that sufferers of the disease have better chance with support and encouragement. It's a disease that thrives in secrecy and isolation.
Second- from the whore in me- GET ON THAT PLANE, GIRL!!! I'LL BABYSIT!!!
Me: Julie-46 DH: Kelly-52 DD: Rhianna-17 DS: Gage-He's 3!
I think it's really funny we're all using the weird smily finally. I think we found an appropriate use! Haha
Man...tough morning. Does anyone else's preschooler have silent fits of rage? When Josh is mad sometimes he won't scream, he'll just go in his end of the living room and destroy it quietly. DH says "You're going to let him do this?" and I'm really not sure but I always though it was better to let him get that stuff out of his system. DH says if I don't stop him he'll think it's okay and he'll get more destructive as he gets older.
So after a few minutes I pulled him away and said ok now that you've made a mess, you're going to help me clean it up. He refused. I tried to make a game. I said "You were just throwing stuff--how about you throw the stuff into the basket?" I demonstrated. Still nothing. So I took a bunch of the toys and took them up to the guestroom. I was really at a loss. He never plays with 90% of it anyway. I took away 3 of his puzzles yesterday and hasn't mentioned them yet.
Nothing bothers him. We're about to go to a playgroup and I asked him to put away his giant pad of paper and he said no. I said we're not going until you clean up and he said I don't want to go. And I really don't think he'd care if we didn't go. I just don't get how you're supposed to teach consequences when he doesn't care.
I have no idea (about the silent fits of rage). Mine are both very noisy when enraged. I have been teaching them recently about counting to 10 and taking deep breaths when they're upset, and they get a little distracted by that and are frequently calmer when they're done. I have also read (haven't tried) that giving an acceptable option to beat up on or destroy, like a piece of paper or hitting a pillow, can be a good way to vent. That way they learn that random violence is not okay, but there are acceptable outlets.
I can totally see him not helping clean up afterward, though. Mine only help or listen to me half the time at best, and certainly not when they're upset about something. How are you about following through when you say that you're not going to the playgroup if he doesn't put away his paper? I think you've mentioned in the past that you've had a hard time being consistent, so he may just not believe you.
OTOH, I would be reluctant to use a threat like that for not doing something you want him to do, esp. if it punishes you as well. I tend to use negative consequences for doing something bad (I would use other words besides bad, but it's easy and I'm trying to be clear) and positive consequences for doing something good, but not vice versa for not doing something good or not doing something bad, kwim?
So with behavior I WANT to see more of, I compliment, I high-five, I could do sticker charts, I could do a special treat. I tell other people like dh in front of them what a good job they did with such-and-such. If they don't do it, I don't punish them. So with cleaning up, I get very specific and ask them to pick up this one particular toy and put it in one particular spot. I might try a couple of times in a couple of different ways, and if it doesn't get done, I do it myself and don't say anything more about it. If it's something that they're ignoring on a recurrent basis, I try coaching. Like yesterday, before we got home from our outing, I said 4x that we are going inside, taking our shoes off, and sitting on the potty. What do we do when we get home? Yes, taking shoes off and sitting on the potty!
If they are hitting each other or doing something else I want to stop, I put them in time out.
Of course, you don't have to listen to me. I just posted in NM about Ronin totally ignoring me all the time, to the extent I was starting to worry if something was wrong.
I was easy as a kid, my DH wasn't so easy. He would be the kid who mouthed off to mom so got some soap in the mouth. When I did that once...I was crying and gagging (it was hardly any soap too) and throwing a big old drama queen fit. Dh on the other hand looks at his mom and says, Mmmm tastes good. Eventually his mom used hot sauce and horse raddish I think. And he stopped going mmmm tastes good. I hear he didn't mouth off and swear at his mom after that.
Now maybe soap in the mouth isn't PC anymore, I don't know. I do know that I didn't try that again because I KNEW mom would follow through.
I'm really mean though. I expect to be listened to and if I give two warnings, that is it, third time I will follow through. If in the pool, you were messing around, you sat on the deck and watched others swim for time out, if you were in the house, you had a time out in the corner. If we were out in public, like the library, we would leave. Even my really difficult girl (so smart but soooo stubborn!) learned quickly I wouldn't put up with her BS like her mom did.
Plus a lot of that is safety. I had other peoples kids and my own sister...and we were doing things like going to a nearby park and I couldn't have them running off on me and getting hit by a car or stolen (I'm paranoid like that)...or especially swimming in the pool. When first started with the swimming, I was only 15 yrs old and I HAD to be the alpha in charge or someone could have gotten really hurt.
I'm fried today. Annie woke up at 3:30, wanting to nurse, and I couldn't get her to go back to sleep and stop nursing at the same time...so at 5:30 I gave up. This is a child who normally sleeps til 7:30am..at least. She finally took a nap at 7:30am, but since I'd been drinking coffee....no nap for me
Today should be fun. Oh, and DH and I aren't speaking, because somewhere in there we got into an argument, because that's when all the most productive arguments happen right? So I'm being super stubborn and not speaking to him this morning - super adult of me, I know. I'm just tired of being walked on at 4am.
I confess I have not read the last few pages and feel out of the loop. Big hugs to everyone - whether you need it or not.
I confess I am evil and tired of being poor - if a bag of money fell out of a truck in front of me, I'd scoop up as much as I could. And if they advertised I'd better give it back? I'd turn in some, but not all. If there were 15-20 people gathering up $20 bills from the road, they'd never know how much each person got.
Thanks for the advice. Sometimes it just takes a little bit of encouragement for me to come back down and remember some useful tips. After I posted, he did put away his paper, so we went to the playgroup. I want to go--it's at the church I've been going to and most of them also attend the church so it would be helpful to get to know those kids and parents--but it's just so hectic. It's a small room and with 4-5 preschoolers and their baby siblings it gets so noisy we can't even carry conversations. Well, we try, but I can't follow it. Soo it's more hectic than anything but it gets us out of the house and into some interaction.
What DOES he care about? Start there and work backwards, but taking away things they care about isn't always the best discipline. I used TV with Oscar for a while and it backfired and he started obsessing about watching "his shows." Now that I don't use it as a thing "to take away or reward with" he's much less TV-obsessed.
And sorry Cosmosmom, but washing a kid's mouth out with soap, hot pepper, or anything else is a violation of personal space and isn't going to do much but teach a lack of trust and potentially damage their spirit. IMO.
He sounds like he's certainly being a booger - but you can find ways of keeping him in check (or just dealing with it when nothing seems to work, because sometimes, no matter the kid or mom, nothing DOES). Sounds like things got better.
Oh and special stickers have been the rage lately. He has an "accomplishment chart" and I put the real stickler things on there - listening and responding, setting the table when I ask him to, whatever is a big deal that week and he looooves getting stickers. I save a special sticker that he gets to pick at the store for when I ask him to do something really "important" (like yesterday, chill while I had to talk to my contract administrator). It works.
I also confess I pissed my midwife off today because I told her I didn't want to hear it. I decided I didn't care to see my weight this pregnancy, told her so, and she told me the laundry list of reasons why I might want to a) keep track of my weight and b) see a nutritionist/stay on some "diet" to keep from gaining 60 pounds and I nicely told her to pack it up and put it away, that if SHE needed my weight for medical reasons, I would close my eyes.
I like her, but we have to get through some of the territory. It's MY pregnancy.
I cannot believe how weight-obsessed some health care practitioners are. Grr. Yours is not the first post I've seen today about a diet-obsessed midwife. Does she know that despite any weight gain, you eat a very healthy and unprocessed diet? Probably better than she does?
At my first OB appt. I was told I was gaining so much weight I'd get diabetes and have a huge baby and I better stop eating for three. I was unhappy and annoyed, but tried (and then failed) to be good. I ate a ton because it was the only thing that kept me from feeling constantly sick. And I talked to my regular OB later about how much weight I was gaining, and he patted his own belly and said "Well, we're both a little older now, it's easier to gain weight, and although it's good to make healthy choices, don't stress over it too much." And he also gave me some Zofran, which helped slow down my weight gain.