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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #9241

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    Quote Originally Posted by MammaMia View Post
    Hmmm...I know what *I* would tell them, but then I'm not a conservative Catholic. What are your older brother & SIL's personal beliefs on homosexuality?
    I am not entirely sure. I know that when we were kids, my older brother used to be a homo-phobe and made rude comments a lot. That was the first thing he brought up when I told him though. That he felt like such as arsehole because of the things that he said when we were kids and he hoped that our little brother realized he never truly believed that and was just being a stupid kid. So from that I gather that he is accepting.
    I told him my kids have been told that some girls love boys and some boys love boys and some girls love girls and that you love who you love and that's that. We don't have any opposing institutions in our lives though, so that is a struggle I cannot relate to.
    Last edited by Bridget; 03-23-2010 at 01:34 PM.

  2. #9242
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    Quote Originally Posted by stash View Post
    Thai food - learn to make your own. It's what I had to do in Montana. My thai food rivals any good restaurant now.

    Jennifer - it takes a lot of relearning and practice. I'm a big time planner, but worrying is nothing but suffering, and suffering is unnecessary. There's enough in life that will be painful and hard and terrible to add unnecessary suffering into the mix, too.
    I tried to make pad thai once...so nasty! Never had it before so not sure if the recipe was just gross or I just don't like that.

    OMG, I'm getting better about that but my DH is going to give himself an ulcer. He worries all the time about everything....well we will only have like $400 a month for savings (and he overestimates the budget) instead of the much bigger number we have now. Or what if I lose my job, we can't afford the house. I said, have you even ever gotten in trouble at work. Nope. So why worry? It is in manufactoring BUT they are doing mandatory overtime and he survived the two big layoffs over a year ago.

    I think that if I got pg right now, he would majorly freak out. Though he hasn't asked to stop trying.....

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  3. #9243
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    Quote Originally Posted by addysonreese View Post


    So my college doesn't do admissions interviews. I'm trying so hard not to see everything glass half full, but d@mn it, I can't help it. Nothing right now is going right, and I'm unbelievably frustrated.

    I would say that if they don't, they probably aren't that super strict on admission qualifications.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  4. #9244

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    I would say that if they don't, they probably aren't that super strict on admission qualifications.
    I thought that most, if not all, colleges did that? I wouldn't have minded proving that I'm better than what is on paper at the moment, KWIM?
    Lauren (24) Clinton (30) - my life, my rock Praying for all the APA girls! My Blog

  5. #9245
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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    I confess that on friday I told my older brother that my little brother is gay. My older brother is a conservative catholic and they are not close. But we were having a family gathering for my mom to talk to us about some choices she has made regarding her health and my little brother was bringing his boyfriend. I just wanted to give my big bro a heads up. Everything turned out great with all that. My big brother was very open and loving about it and I think some walls were torn down and my mom was really happy to see her two boys getting it all out in the open.
    Now my brother is asking me for advice on how to talk to his kids (6 and 8) about it because he says it's not a subject that has come up in their house. Plus the kids go to Catholic school so they'll likely be told that uncle is going to hell.
    I don't know what advice to give him. Because I'd like to say, find a new school/church but I know that's not what he's looking for.
    Should I ask in the Christian room?
    I don't know that anything needs to be said. My uncle is gay. I was told when I was 13...and that was because mom was telling me about him having AIDS.
    Ok so my aunt is also gay (they are brother and sister..sounds like the genes are there in my family! I made sure to marry a guy that was homophobic.). My aunt has had a girlfriend pretty much my whole life. There were a few different ones and I just thought that they were roommates. They didn't make out in front of us but than again my parents don't either. Sometime during my teens it dawned on me that my aunt was gay. Um yeah so the one bed and one bedroom didn't tip me off. LOL

    I am just not sure that a huge discussion needs to happen at ages 6 and 8 about sexuality. And if they do ask, there are some GREAT kids books about different kinds of families.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  6. #9246
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    Quote Originally Posted by addysonreese View Post
    I thought that most, if not all, colleges did that? I wouldn't have minded proving that I'm better than what is on paper at the moment, KWIM?
    I did three different undergrads and never did an admission interview.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  7. #9247
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    Thinking about it, it's interesting that I don't recall ever having a conversation with my parents about being gay or what that was and if it was right or not. Never had one about straight either. It really was just something that seemed normal to me. I adore my uncle and love my aunt (closer to uncle) and it was always just this is your aunt and her roommate (it was the 80's so I never heard her called girlfriend but maybe they were being discrete because we were just little kids). And I knew my uncle was different but thought it was because he is more artistic and lived for a while in California. LOL

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  8. #9248

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    I don't know that anything needs to be said. My uncle is gay. I was told when I was 13...and that was because mom was telling me about him having AIDS.
    Ok so my aunt is also gay (they are brother and sister..sounds like the genes are there in my family! I made sure to marry a guy that was homophobic.). My aunt has had a girlfriend pretty much my whole life. There were a few different ones and I just thought that they were roommates. They didn't make out in front of us but than again my parents don't either. Sometime during my teens it dawned on me that my aunt was gay. Um yeah so the one bed and one bedroom didn't tip me off. LOL

    I am just not sure that a huge discussion needs to happen at ages 6 and 8 about sexuality. And if they do ask, there are some GREAT kids books about different kinds of families.
    Well Savana is only 4 and she was quick to ask why he has a boyfriend when he's a boy. It doesn't take them long to figure out the "norms".
    I think that my brother is most concerned about heading off the church. We were taught our whole lives but our church and religion classes that being gay was wrong. It largely contributed to why my brother tried not to be gay for a long time and lived a pretty self destructive lifestyle. His coming out caused my parents to find a new church...with a gay pastor.

  9. #9249
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    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    Well Savana is only 4 and she was quick to ask why he has a boyfriend when he's a boy. It doesn't take them long to figure out the "norms".
    I think that my brother is most concerned about heading off the church. We were taught our whole lives but our church and religion classes that being gay was wrong. It largely contributed to why my brother tried not to be gay for a long time and lived a pretty self destructive lifestyle. His coming out caused my parents to find a new church...with a gay pastor.
    That is true...if his kids are like Savana, they will probably ask something.

    I just never thought to ask I guess.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  10. #9250

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    I confess we ate burgers and I ate a whole head of roasted garlic with mine. Anyone wanna make out?

  11. #9251

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    Quote Originally Posted by stephmama View Post
    I confess we ate burgers and I ate a whole head of roasted garlic with mine. Anyone wanna make out?
    Woo! Sign me up! That is hawt
    Lauren (24) Clinton (30) - my life, my rock Praying for all the APA girls! My Blog

  12. #9252

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    I confess the CD of Sesame Street classics I got Josh recently is his favorite music CD to date...right now he is singing himself to sleep with his favorite songs off it. It is so cute when he just randomly sings a line of it during the day too. Melts my heart.

  13. #9253
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    Wow, so much to catch up on. I'm sure I'll leave someone out.

    Stacy, I'm glad your ultrasound went well and I'm so sorry for what you've been through.

    Sarah, sorry about your program but maybe you can find a way to make it work.

    Lauren, I've never had an academic interview, either. I think that's more common in private colleges/universities than in big state schools like UTA.

    Ashley, so sorry about your homework. That sucks. If money is an issue, look into Open Office - it's a free set of office programs. The word processor gives you the option of saving in Word form so you can send your documents to other computers that use Microsoft.

    Bridget, I'm so glad your older brother took the news well. Not sure what advice to give but I would tell the children that if anyone from church made them feel bad about their uncle, they should remember that Christians are supposed to love and care for others. I'm not sure I would bring that up unless someone actually made them feel bad, though ... I wouldn't want them to expect to be made to feel bad about it if that makes sense. So that advice probably sucks.

    I confess I don't know what to do about work this summer. I work 10 months per year and in the past I've been paid over 10 months and got nothing over the summer. This year I had my pay spread out over 12 months so they are taking money out of each check to give me over the summer. I've REALLY been looking forward to having 2 months off with pay. The checks will be a little smaller, I think, but DH's guard pay will more than make up the difference so I don't need to work this summer. Well, one of my supervisors asked me to apply for the evaluation team this summer which is full time work for one month. It's hourly and way more than my current salary, which will be in addition to my summer pay that was already withheld from my check. I'd make out like a bandit ... but I'm really lazy and not sure I want to. But it would be good for my career as I keep saying I want a job where I just evaluate and don't have to do therapy anymore. This might be a way to get that job. Can't decide - career or laziness?
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  14. #9254

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    Quote Originally Posted by gwennero View Post
    Lauren, I've never had an academic interview, either. I think that's more common in private colleges/universities than in big state schools like UTA.
    Does that mean you think that maybe the school has less of a strict admissions curve, like Jennifer mentioned?


    Quote Originally Posted by gwennero View Post
    I confess I don't know what to do about work this summer. I work 10 months per year and in the past I've been paid over 10 months and got nothing over the summer. This year I had my pay spread out over 12 months so they are taking money out of each check to give me over the summer. I've REALLY been looking forward to having 2 months off with pay. The checks will be a little smaller, I think, but DH's guard pay will more than make up the difference so I don't need to work this summer. Well, one of my supervisors asked me to apply for the evaluation team this summer which is full time work for one month. It's hourly and way more than my current salary, which will be in addition to my summer pay that was already withheld from my check. I'd make out like a bandit ... but I'm really lazy and not sure I want to. But it would be good for my career as I keep saying I want a job where I just evaluate and don't have to do therapy anymore. This might be a way to get that job. Can't decide - career or laziness?
    Career, definitely. The chance to do something different AND get more money in the process is always something I'd be wanting to jump on. But, if you are really looking forward to a relaxing summer, and can make it work without getting paid, then the choice might be a little harder. But me personally, I'd go with the extra paycheck and such.
    Lauren (24) Clinton (30) - my life, my rock Praying for all the APA girls! My Blog

  15. #9255

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    Pad Thai is a tough one to get right, for sure. Don't use any recipe that has ketchup in it, and go light on the fish sauce.

    Bridget, I think your brother should come out with it with the kids. I'd suggest he go through the list of who'll be there. You, your DH, your kids. Your brother, his boyfriend. Your mom, your dad. Anyone else. See how they react. Answer their questions. Don't push it, but don't let it be a surprise or a taboo. That's what I'd do with O, but again, he's been told the same thing about boys and girls and girls and girls and boys and boys.



  16. #9256
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    Quote Originally Posted by addysonreese View Post
    Does that mean you think that maybe the school has less of a strict admissions curve, like Jennifer mentioned?
    Yes, most state schools have set criteria for in-state residents and either you meet them or you don't. They're publicly funded so they don't want to turn people down unless they have to. I think it can be more challenging for out-of-state admissions, though.

    Quote Originally Posted by addysonreese View Post
    Career, definitely. The chance to do something different AND get more money in the process is always something I'd be wanting to jump on. But, if you are really looking forward to a relaxing summer, and can make it work without getting paid, then the choice might be a little harder. But me personally, I'd go with the extra paycheck and such.
    I know that's the RIGHT answer. I just don't want to make it! I'm really stressed about DH being overseas and I just want to be able to relax, but honestly it may be good for me to have a job and keep my mind off things anyway. I struggle with depression and I don't know how I'll do alone all summer unless I make a conscious effort to get out and interact with people. I know it's for the best for me to do this. Especially since we really could use the extra cash.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  17. #9257

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    Quote Originally Posted by gwennero View Post
    Yes, most state schools have set criteria for in-state residents and either you meet them or you don't. They're publicly funded so they don't want to turn people down unless they have to. I think it can be more challenging for out-of-state admissions, though.
    Technically, I'm in-state, since in July I will have lived here for a full year. That was even asked on the application. I was just really hoping to have an extra oomph to prove to them I'm ten times better than those crappy grades in high school. Guess there's always appealing if they reject me.


    Quote Originally Posted by gwennero View Post
    I know that's the RIGHT answer. I just don't want to make it! I'm really stressed about DH being overseas and I just want to be able to relax, but honestly it may be good for me to have a job and keep my mind off things anyway. I struggle with depression and I don't know how I'll do alone all summer unless I make a conscious effort to get out and interact with people. I know it's for the best for me to do this. Especially since we really could use the extra cash.
    Keeping your mind off of things is always best, especially with depression. I suffer from a form of it myself (Dysthimia) and being out of work since July of last year has made me absolutely nuts. At any point where you can distract yourself for certain points during the day, I say go with it!
    Lauren (24) Clinton (30) - my life, my rock Praying for all the APA girls! My Blog

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    Quote Originally Posted by addysonreese View Post
    Technically, I'm in-state, since in July I will have lived here for a full year. That was even asked on the application. I was just really hoping to have an extra oomph to prove to them I'm ten times better than those crappy grades in high school. Guess there's always appealing if they reject me.
    My high school grades were fine, but I did very poorly in college the first time around (I think my GPA at one point was less than 1.0). Primarily because of depression and never going to classes, but that's a whole different story. I brought my grades up at the local community college and when I transferred to the university I ended up graduating with a 4.000. I was convinced I wouldn't get into grad school because of my transcripts from previous schools, and it was really hard because I had everything else going for me. Here's what made the difference: 1) on my grad admissions essay, I explained my struggle with depression, discussed what I had done to overcome it, and pointed out that I had a 4.0 GPA within my major and minor (which, as I mentioned, indicated that it was the right program of study for me), and 2) I participated in a research project with one of the professors. I actually overheard one of the professors on the grad admissions committee discuss my application in the hallway (I was in the next room actually working on the research project at the time so I wasn't eavesdropping but she didn't know who I was) and I know for a fact that #2 made a difference to her. I actually got admitted to every school I applied to, and 3 of the 5 I applied to were in the top 10 ranked schools for my degree program and excellent schools overall. Hope that helps.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  19. #9259
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    Quote Originally Posted by stash View Post
    Pad Thai is a tough one to get right, for sure. Don't use any recipe that has ketchup in it, and go light on the fish sauce.

    Bridget, I think your brother should come out with it with the kids. I'd suggest he go through the list of who'll be there. You, your DH, your kids. Your brother, his boyfriend. Your mom, your dad. Anyone else. See how they react. Answer their questions. Don't push it, but don't let it be a surprise or a taboo. That's what I'd do with O, but again, he's been told the same thing about boys and girls and girls and girls and boys and boys.
    Um yeah it did have ketchup in it and I don't recall how much fish sauce (which the thought of is yucky...I don't really do fish but thought I would try).
    maybe I should try Indian. My friends DH is Indian and once made us curry that was pretty yummy...I should hit him up for some recipes.

    Good advice. That way he could see how the kids react....they might be like me and not think to ask questions and just accept as is. And if they do have questions, address them as needed.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  20. #9260
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    Mandy, I would go for it. Sounds like you would still have some summer time to relax and with DH gone, this would keep you busy.

    I would LOVE to have two months off but in reality, I would end up sitting around the house and eating too much. My eating habits are so much better during the week than weekends.....and even worse if DH isn't around.

    plus extra money is always a good thing!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  21. #9261
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    I am a bit excited today. We have had the most awesome weather this month and they are making great progress on my house. We have a basement and they are framing already. next week I think is the deck and garage and shingles.

    anyway talked to my builder and we are doing so well he is expecting to be done early June. I have been really kind of stressed about the timing...he has promised by end of June so we can close and get that 8k tax credit. but we didn't know for sure when in June because we didn't know when in March we could start digging the basement...a lot depended on weather and frost depth. We were able to start very early in March.

    We have been trying to have an attitude of well if we get the credit great but if we don't, annoying but oh well.
    But I REALLY REALLY REALLY want that tax credit. that would just allow us to get the savings built back up faster and allow me to get some new furniture faster...maybe a new mattress.

    I think that stress was affecting me more than I thought..last week I could barely walk as my skin flared up and I had a cyst the size of a golf ball on my leg and that sucker hurt...and the skin around it about two inches from it hurt and was red and swollen. I called the derm but she was on vacation to have it injected and I didn't want to have internal med do it. So i just used a heat to bring it forth and it finally drained for several days. But than of course after a few days the bandage glue irritates my skin.

    It's finally healing up though and I'm feeling much better than I did a week ago. And I see the derm again next week.

    And I'm soooo happy with the house progress. I wish I could figure out how to post pictures on here from flickr or facebook.....
    And REALLY happy to hear early June instead of coming in at the last minute in late June for closing!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  22. #9262
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    Jennifer, that's awesome about your house! I'd love to see pics.

    Yeah, having summers off is kind of frustrating in a way. I always tell myself I'm going to get all kinds of things accomplished and then I end up just wasting most of the time. Last summer I told myself I was going to work on my book (I like to write but I find it difficult to write during the school year as I'm constantly thinking about my kids and can't let go very easily). I made myself a writing schedule and said I was going to treat it like a full time job. That lasted for about 4 days.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  23. #9263

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    Gwennero - sometimes it helps me to think about how I would feel afterwards if I did or did not do something, kwim? Like at the end of the summer if you didn't take the job, would you really feel so much more relaxed or would you feel like you had passed up an opportunity?

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  24. #9264
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    Quote Originally Posted by katycat24 View Post
    Gwennero - sometimes it helps me to think about how I would feel afterwards if I did or did not do something, kwim? Like at the end of the summer if you didn't take the job, would you really feel so much more relaxed or would you feel like you had passed up an opportunity?
    That's a good way of looking at it. Thanks.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  25. #9265

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    It sounded kind of preachy now that I look at it - what it comes down to is that I don't know the future, other people's motives, anything at all really. What i do know is myself and how I might feel if I do or do not do something. It's not a perfect system, but I think it comes in handy when trying to make a decision (especially one that is pitting my head against my heart).

    Good luck with your decision.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  26. #9266

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    Hi girls. Any news I have missed lately?
    I am still working out the school and work schedule. It is kind of wearing me out. Which is what I wanted to see if it would help me sleep. I have not been successful so far. but good thing is we are saving money now that I have a part time job. So ladies what has been going on?
    6[/B] pounds down 34 more to go!

  27. #9267
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    Quote Originally Posted by AlishaAnew View Post
    Hi girls. Any news I have missed lately?
    I am still working out the school and work schedule. It is kind of wearing me out. Which is what I wanted to see if it would help me sleep. I have not been successful so far. but good thing is we are saving money now that I have a part time job. So ladies what has been going on?
    Not much here. I'm getting boobies at the end of April That's my high of the year I think.

    Bridget-it sounds like your older brother is accepting, and that's what is important. I honestly cannot remember having a specific conversation with my girls about being gay. They do know it's ok and they don't have any prejudice about it. Bobbie is a bit vocal in supporting her gay friends that get teased in school, and it's drawn negative attention toward her, but she doesn't back down.

    I know I told them people love whomever they want and that we're all different with different likes/dislikes. But it wasn't in any big "the gay talk" scenario...it just happened to come up a few times in their life. We do a lot of talking in the car, for some reason. My personal philosophies on life and love seem to be easier to grasp and articulate when I'm driving.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I've actually been thinking about Indian food lately. I want to make some.
    There's this ready made, add boiling water, Indian food that I just got - that doesn't have any ingredients I can't pronounce in it, and it's delicious. Basically I think it's just the Indian food, freeze dried. So it's easy to have. Not as good as our local Indian restaurant, which is fantastic. But it does the job in a pinch.

    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    Well Savana is only 4 and she was quick to ask why he has a boyfriend when he's a boy. It doesn't take them long to figure out the "norms".
    I think that my brother is most concerned about heading off the church. We were taught our whole lives but our church and religion classes that being gay was wrong. It largely contributed to why my brother tried not to be gay for a long time and lived a pretty self destructive lifestyle. His coming out caused my parents to find a new church...with a gay pastor.

    So as for your brother's kids - I don't think he should have some "big talk" with them. All that does is call attention to the idea that it's not normal, and not okay. Instead, their (your brother and his boyfriend/partner) relationship should be treated just as any other normal relationship would be...like if he had brought a girl home. And when the kids ask why uncle "so and so" is with a boy and not a girl...he can talk to them then - and tell them that sometimes men fall in love with other men, yadda yadda.

    My mom is gay, and when I was about 10 I asked her about it. It had never been a big deal, it was never treated like a big deal, and therefore I just assumed acceptance. It wasn't until I was more a teen, that I knew how unaccepted gay people were.
    Just Midge

  29. #9269

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    I confess I'm so totally surprised by how easy my procedure was yesterday. No cramping, no spotting, no scary stuff. I was totally prepared for the scary stuff.

    If you're a "from scratch" cook, simple indian can be sooooo easy. They're basically just spiced sauces with meat. Or meatballs. Or paneer (cheese, which is so easy to make it's crazy). I make na'an every couple of weeks and that's also probably one of the easiest breads in the WORLD to make.



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    Ok so finally got a photobucket and I think that I'm attaching a few pictures.

    It worked. First is me in front of the land 2 months ago. Very beautiful day and over a foot of snow on the ground...but it was a high of 3 degrees that day!

    Second is the back of the house taken two days ago...it's a ranch but will have two big windows in the basement if we ever decide to finish it off.
    Last edited by Cosmosmom; 05-21-2010 at 10:30 AM.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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