Ashley, I'm sad for you and your grandma. I'm so sorry. It's really hard to watch the people we love suffer. I don't think you can ever be prepared for that. It's great that she is in good spirits. Don't you wonder how people do that? I feel like I'd be a blubbering mess.
Thanks Erin. I'm trying to find outlets for myself. I need to go out more even if I don't feel like I want to because once I do, I always have a good time. I don't really have any good friends. The one woman I hang out with bails on me a lot, is kind of critical sometimes and just isn't the close friend I really need. I have you guys, but I really need someone I can call up and invite out for dinner or a drink once in a while you know? I'm antisocial as anyone can be, but I can really be a good friend, if I find that person who can be a good friend to me also.
It looks like we're going to keep trying. I asked DH for more "warm and fuzzy" and he asked me for the same LOL
Oh, but get this! You remember that long conversation I said DH and I had, that basically started this whole thing? HE DOESN'T REMEMBER IT. I don't know what to make of that. Yes I had woken him up crying, but he was awake and talking to me when he said all those things. I got so upset that it was like a life-changing conversation for me and he doesn't remember it. I don't get it.
Thanks Erin. I'm so sorry about your grandma. It seems like you were so close. I'm also really happy you could make her last holdiays awesome ones. It's just so hard......Ashley, so sorry to hear about your grandma. Losing a grandparent is so hard. I still miss my grandma and she died nearly 6 years ago. I still want to call her most days and then I remember that she's gone. She was the only person in my life who I could totally depend on and once she passed I was just in a state of shock for a long time, over a year because I felt I could only depend on myself and that was a scary thought at the time. Sorry for being so sad, but I do still miss my grandma so much. Treasure these holidays with your mawmaw. We had a fun Christmas and New Years for my grandma's last holidays
I feel the same way. If I knew my time was dwindling, i'd be freaking out and sad and scared and just crying all the time. She's so strong. Maybe since she's lived through two of her kids' deaths and two of her husbands' deaths, she feels more prepared? I don't know. Thank you mama.Ashley, I'm sad for you and your grandma. I'm so sorry. It's really hard to watch the people we love suffer. I don't think you can ever be prepared for that. It's great that she is in good spirits. Don't you wonder how people do that? I feel like I'd be a blubbering mess.
Ashley - 25, Chris - 27, Elizabeth - 9-22-04, Alexis - 12-19-08
I confess . . . DA MN you guys were chatty this weekend! I so seldom get on the computer on the weekends as it seems like there's always so much to do and it's my biggest stretch of time with Liam since I work full time out of the house.
I wasn't hitting the multiquote buttons as I was reading, which was probably good cause it would have been a very messy and busy post. And it seems like what I read from Friday had either been commented on, or new things developed and said before I got to the end. I kinda feel like the wind has been blown out of my sails.
Lydia, since we've reached toddler mobility with Liam, I simply cannot imagine life with twins. With Liam we probably use "eh eh" as a sound instead of saying no, because I know how they can ignore the no. We use a loud and firm STOP when he's about to do something potentially dangerous (walking out into the street, or careening at the top of the garage steps that are concrete). He DOES stop, but unless you're there to get in his way, he'll try it again until you say stop again. I'm sure it will only get worse as he gets older. What movie did you end up seeing? By the time I read that your date was over.
Kate, your last post pretty much wiped out anything I was going to say. So . I understand the frustration of him not even remembering a conversation that had a huge impact on you.
Ashley/BigE - I'm so sorry about your mawmaw. My gram had a stroke over 2 years ago and is just not doing well. My mother and I usually talk via email, so when she calls me I often have to take a deep breath, wondering if I'm going to be a puddle of tears in a few minutes. Gram raised me and in some respects we were closer than mother and I. She knows secrets no one else knows. She's the last grandparent Tred and I have and to see my husband have such a great relationship with his grandmother-in-law makes me very happy. I hope you get one more Thanksgiving and Christmas to make extra special.
Janeen - Yes, BF is ferociously hard to start, but the payoff is awesome. Those first weeks are a trial. Seriously, nap when the baby naps and screw the housework. Invest in some paper plates and an extra trashcan . I'm not the bedsharing type, but we are still cosleeping. Bassinet to start and around 5 months a sidecarred crib. I seriously cannot imagine going into another room to nurse - it was just so much quicker and easier to have him in the bedroom. Sometime Tred would wake up and other times would sleep through. He falls asleep at the drop of a hat anyway, so he was never awake long.
Oh, and I also am in the middle of the AP Traditional spectrum. I had actually heard of Attachment Parenting several years ago - as a method to create a bond between adopted children and their new parents and was mostly associated with the babywearing aspects of AP. I didn't really know it was done with biological children. Flutterbudget was the first person I knew IRL that practiced AP.
For us . . . we cosleep but don't bedshare; extended breastfeeding rocks (my goal is 2 years) though if make it to 2 years, it will be mommy-led weaning most likely; babywear when my back allows it and L enjoys it (which is not always), but also love the stroller; he is told no and does have boundaries; we don't spank now but it's on the table as an option later (he's been in a hitting phase, so why set an example for him!); we circed; we don't cloth diaper (though I am tempted now that he's older and going through fewer dipes); we vax on an alternative schedule.
It's all about doing what feels right for YOUR family, but I don't think I really understood that until after Liam was born. During my pregnancy we watched what other people were doing in the raising of their children, watched what worked and what didn't, what we liked, and what we didn't, then mixed and matched and made it our own.
Isn't that how you're supposed to do it?
Once again, I can't keep up with this thread.
Kate - PM me if you need to talk or even just vent. I can't believe your DH doesn't even remember the conversation! Ugh!! Maybe he's just saying that so that he doesn't have to deal with it. Either way, that's totally lame.
I confess that I went to a kid's birthday on the weekend, and I witnessed a kid sneeze on the birthday cake like 3 times in a row. A woman next to me saw it too. I didn't eat the cake and I noticed that she didn't either.
Is it at ALL possible that he was sleeping? My mom and sister both talk and walk in their sleep. They look very much awake unless you look very closely in their eyes and see a bit of glassy there. The can have entire conversations with you and not remember a single thing in the morning. I know my sister does this and a few times she even fooled me.
I meant to PM this to MammaMia, but I can't seem to copy and paste, and I don't want to delete it all...so everyone else feel free to ignore it LOL
Thanks Sarah. I can't believe he doesn't remember it. I'm pretty sure he'd own up to saying stuff like that if he remembered. But I am just so freaking confused most of the time, maybe he is lying. I really don't know if I'm a fool for staying, and 25 years down the road I will finally work up the nerve to leave, only to realize nobody that age wants to have a good time, and I lost my chance to find out what I'm missing. LOL
Seriously though I think I transfer a lot of my issues onto DH. I have issues with my parents' divorce. They waited until I was 16 and I'm afraid I'm headed down the same road. I was ready to leave last night but I got so terrified over having to handle bills, cleaning, Josh, getting a job, etc. etc. all by myself that I figured it would be easier to just try to make it work.
He said something funny the other day. I don't know if he was throwing it out there to see if I'd change my tune about leaving, but he said he's been planning it so he can retire at 50 at the latest. He's also been setting aside money and planning for us to take a vacation every year in a few years. He's big on planning for the future but I think he misses the small picture of just being there for me on a daily basis.
Anyway, I'm pretty sure I have to make a decision this time. It's not fair for anyone that I keep waffling on this every few months.
Once she even had me in her room looking for a bat she said came out of the attic (trap door was in her room). Took me a while to realize there was no bat and she was sleeping. LOL
Woohoo Ashley enjoy the break!
Too funny about the bat Jennifer. Sometimes DH will say he doesn't remember something like if Josh comes in our room and I go back to his room with him, DH will react to it at the time but say he doesn't remember it in the morning. I just don't think I've ever had a whole conversation like that and he not remember it.
Kate...wha???? He doesn't remember? How aggravating! Talk about making it even more confusing than it already is! So is he saying that he does not really feel like he said he did? Was he expressing himself clearly during the conversation or was it more him answering questions?
I confess that I locked my keys in my car this weekend when I went out of town to meet some friends. I threw them on my seat and then put my coat on, switched the locks on, shut the door. It cost me $50 to get them out. Dbf would flip his lid so I'm not telling him. He is really anal with money and even though I am not a girl who spends money at all, he won't focus on that at all. I actually feel really guilty because I'm ususally very honest with him but I just really do not need him to give me a hard time right now. I'm justifying it in my mind because we decided that I could get a new dress and shoes for my cousin's wedding and instead of going to a department store, I went to goodwill and got a dress and shoes for under $12. It all even out then right?
I just feel like there is so much crap piled up between us that we have just kind of swept under the rug and moved on from. So many times when I should have just left, but didn't, and it has gotten harder and harder as we have taken on more and more responsibilities that make it harder to leave...it's a big mess...but I did mention to him that I feel like he hasn't forgiven me for a lot of things, and he says he has, which made me feel a little better. He still doesn't like to think about certain things, but I can understand that.
I think if we just keep talking, we can maybe clear some of the baggage, and start over a little.
Bridget...I would say that the money you saved on the dress is TOTALLY evening out the locked keys! I mean a dress and shoes would have cost way way more than $50.
Kate, have you and DH talked about going and talking with a professional together? It seems like maybe that would help a lot.
We went to a professional a couple times. She wanted to start seeing me alone, so he stopped going. I was diagnosed with bipolar B, put on meds, I felt happier a few months later, and went off my pills. A couple months ago I started feeling bad again and I'm back on pills. I guess she wanted to work on me before we work on any problems DH and I have together, but I think I'm going to bring him with me next time.
edit--well, maybe time after next...my next appt. is this Thurs. and my MIL will be working. So I'll have to give her some notice when I schedule my next appt.
Last edited by daylilies; 11-09-2009 at 05:14 PM.
Kate. I'm a sleep-talker, too ... when I was a teenager my mother used to ask me to do things when she was at work for the day, and then she'd come home and get mad at me for not doing them. I never remembered her asking, and she swears I sat up and talked about them with her when she asked. And no, I'm not just saying I didn't remember ... I really didn't remember.
I would hope your talk would have sunk in a little more, but maybe not? Who knows. It sounds like maybe therapy might be worth it, at least for a while and then you can make a decision after you try it again.
Bridget, $12 for a dress and shoes? Wow, what a great deal!
Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
Kate. What a tough situation. I do hope things look up for you.
I would have at the talking in your sleep, but I've just started doing it myself. It's so strange. It happens about once a week or so. See, Robert stays out late in the garage working on our cars and sometimes he'll come in like at 2 in the morning and I'll yell at him, or say NO!! when he tries to touch me. Sometimes I'll blurt out I love you and then take it back really fast. I would kinda, sorta remember the next morning, but it felt more like a dream than anything. I finally asked him and he said I'm a total ***** at night sometimes, but he just shrugs it off to me being pissed at him for staying out so late. I remember bits of our conversation, but sometimes I don't remember any of it, and that pisses him off. I've noticed I've been super tired lately and I'll even doze off during heated arguments when we are laying in bed. I would never do that before either.
I confess we are done breastfeeding.. 3 weeks and my milk still hasn't come in. Charlie was only maintaining weight because we were supplementing with formula after every nursing session... The doctor is sending me to an endocrinologist to see if there is a hormonal reason that my milk hasn't come in by 3 weeks..
Ashley, I hope they can find some answers, sooner rather than later. Would a galactalogue like domperidone work right now?
Kate, I think it's really strange but not unheard-of that your dh doesn't remember the conversation. And no, I don't think people automatically tell the truth when they sleepwalk/sleeptalk. It's not true with sedation, I can tell you that. My dh has fights with people in his sleep all the time, and has nearly hit me and has said some crazy stuff in his sleep. I stopped playing video games when I woke up on top of my first husband, choking him, thinking I was killing a monster. Okay, I didn't stop then but I did stop after I screamed at him for ruining my line in Tetris when he woke me up once. And one time I heard an entire conversation my boyfriend had--he called his ex-girlfriend and started talking to her while I was dozing, saying he wasn't sure how he felt about me. I was so mad, and he kept insisting it wasn't real and I swore I was awake, but eventually he had me push redial on his phone and it was MY phone number from when he'd called me the night before to invite me over.
Okay, that was a really long-winded way of saying things aren't necessarily what they seem when people are sleepy. I would check and see if he feels the same way with a conversation in the daytime, and DEFinitely take him to the counselor with you asap.
That reminds me that last year my assistant was telling me her daughter called on the phone and they had a complete conversation that went on quite some time. Assistant remembers nothing of it....but her DH confirmed he heard her talking to their daughter and neither of them realized that my assistant was sleeping!
My DH is a combat veteran and occasionally if I come to bed when he is already asleep he will strike out at the air as if to defend himself. He is a light sleeper, though, so that always wakes him up before he actually hits anything, thank goodness. He has some crazy dreams. One time I heard him saying "The amphibians will meet with the Queen on Wednesday." He can't remember what he was dreaming but it must have been good!
Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
I stopped sleeping with the phone by the bed because I had many conversations in my sleep that I didn't remember at all. It was worse when I worked night shift.