Secular Confessions

**Gwenn** · 11-06-2009, 05:57 PM

Originally Posted by Lydia

I don't think it was wrong of you. Documentation is always better than no documentation.

Yikes for getting injured at work--by another person, no less.

Thanks for the sympathy. My kids are really hard to work with and I expect tantrums, etc. but this is different. This child gets angry and starts going after others, and when I went to get her she had already badly scratched a paraprofessional (teacher's aide) and was screaming. Sometimes I can calm her, so I went ahead and took her, but she just continued with me without even recognizing the person she was after had changed. So frustrating. Most of my kids, although they will get out of control, don't intentionally set out to injure others but this child does although I don't really think she knows what she is doing.

**heartmyboyz** · 11-06-2009, 06:27 PM

Originally Posted by gwennero

I confess one of my students scratched my hand today so badly she drew blood in eight places. I happen to know that for the last four years, this parent has not cut her child's fingernails until she was asked to by the school and she knows her daughter scratches people intentionally. The teacher said, "oh, if you just ask her mom she'll cut them." I shouldn't have to wait until I'm bleeding in eight places to get them cut. They should be cut already.

I showed my hand to the principal and she took a picture of it for evidence. Was that wrong of me?

Not at all!! A few years ago I was working as a one-on-one and the boy I worked with bit me. Pictures were taken and I was sent to an outpatient clinic since he did break skin. It hurt like heck and the boy was suspended for the rest of the week. It happened on a Wednesday, so the Thursday and Friday following were the easiest days I've ever worked in my life.

**Gwenn** · 11-06-2009, 06:36 PM

Originally Posted by heartmyboyz

Not at all!! A few years ago I was working as a one-on-one and the boy I worked with bit me. Pictures were taken and I was sent to an outpatient clinic since he did break skin. It hurt like heck and the boy was suspended for the rest of the week. It happened on a Wednesday, so the Thursday and Friday following were the easiest days I've ever worked in my life.

I know our policy is that if we are bitten we MUST report it and go to the clinic within 24 hours. I have been bitten at work and the experience resulted in a ton of paperwork and no actual medical support other than a shot which may or may not have given me a miscarriage although I'm not certain I was pregnant at the time. Strongly suspect it, though. If we are scratched we can choose whether or not to go to the clinic. I do worry about infection, but I've been scratched by this particular student a million times before so I don't think she's given me anything she hasn't already. I just want it documented that this sort of thing is happening.

As far as suspension, well, she is a severely medically disabled child in a self-contained classroom so there's really no point to suspension for a child who doesn't communicate (except physically) or understand cause and effect.

**heartmyboyz** · 11-06-2009, 06:54 PM

Originally Posted by gwennero

I know our policy is that if we are bitten we MUST report it and go to the clinic within 24 hours. I have been bitten at work and the experience resulted in a ton of paperwork and no actual medical support other than a shot which may or may not have given me a miscarriage although I'm not certain I was pregnant at the time. Strongly suspect it, though. If we are scratched we can choose whether or not to go to the clinic. I do worry about infection, but I've been scratched by this particular student a million times before so I don't think she's given me anything she hasn't already. I just want it documented that this sort of thing is happening.

As far as suspension, well, she is a severely medically disabled child in a self-contained classroom so there's really no point to suspension for a child who doesn't communicate (except physically) or understand cause and effect.

It sucks that it could have been somewhat prevented if her nails had just been clipped. The boy I worked with didn't understand cause and effect either and I didn't even know about the suspension until the next day when he wasn't in class. Do you think they will make it a requirment to have her nails clipped since it's happened twice now??

**Gwenn** · 11-06-2009, 08:53 PM

Originally Posted by heartmyboyz

It sucks that it could have been somewhat prevented if her nails had just been clipped. The boy I worked with didn't understand cause and effect either and I didn't even know about the suspension until the next day when he wasn't in class. Do you think they will make it a requirment to have her nails clipped since it's happened twice now??

My principal said she was going to call her and tell her "gently but firmly" that it had to happen. We'll see.

I'm surprised they would suspend a child in that situation, actually. Don't know the details so I can't comment but I've never seen that happen before with the kids I've worked with.

**heartmyboyz** · 11-06-2009, 09:06 PM

I guess it was the school's policy. Idk. This was a mom who wanted her son mainstreamed even though the teachers didn't think it was a good idea. I don't know if this was a way of proving something to her. It was kind of weird the way it happened. He was refusing to go back in the classroom and decided he needed to chew on his backpack. I told him it was time to go inside and not to bite his backpack. So he turned his head and bit me instead. I was used to headbutts and whatnot, but that really caught me off guard.

**Gwenn** · 11-06-2009, 11:01 PM

Originally Posted by heartmyboyz

I guess it was the school's policy. Idk. This was a mom who wanted her son mainstreamed even though the teachers didn't think it was a good idea. I don't know if this was a way of proving something to her. It was kind of weird the way it happened. He was refusing to go back in the classroom and decided he needed to chew on his backpack. I told him it was time to go inside and not to bite his backpack. So he turned his head and bit me instead. I was used to headbutts and whatnot, but that really caught me off guard.

Yikes. So sorry for you ... understand about being caught off guard. You're right, that may have been the school's way of telling the mom if she wanted him mainstreamed she would have to keep to the same standards. Very frustrating for everybody.

**rhiannasmoms43** · 11-07-2009, 05:46 AM

Originally Posted by MammaMia

I confess I just went to some parents' day thing at Mia's daycare, and I felt completely overwhelmed and out of place. I felt like such a weirdo because everyone else was chatting and having a nice time. I really suck at being in a room full of people.

I would never call myself shy, but there is something about a room full of mommies at a school that puts a severe cramp in my socialability. I always feel like they are all competing with each other for the funniest kids stories, most active in the school, knows the teacher best, best mommy award and I am not very competitive at anything.
I confess I am the wallflower at school gatherings.

Originally Posted by Lydia

Augh, my car isn't going to be done today after all.

I don't even remember the plot of The Little Mermaid.

Apparently if you buy bananas green enough, they never turn yellow.

Wrap the bananas in newspaper or in a paper bag for 24 hours.

Originally Posted by daylilies

A mermaid falls in love with a human and she makes a deal to a sea witch that in exchange for her voice, she will get legs. The thing is she has to get the guy to fall in love with her in x days or the sea witch will imprison her forever. So the whole thing is the mermaid trying to communicate to the guy...it's like an episode of Lassie. "What's that, girl? I need to kiss you tonight or you go bye bye?"
The story is by Hans Christen Andersen and is quite a bit darker than the Disney cartoon.

I love the real fables both by Hans Christian Anderson and The Brothers Grimm. The modified version is always soooooooo lame. Who decided that kids shouldn't read that stuff? I grew up on them!!

Maggie! I would so like meet you in Quebec and chat over a coffee!

**3andMe** · 11-07-2009, 06:24 AM

Thanks for the tip about the bananas. I'll have to rustle up a paper bag and try it (yes, that was intended).

I think Maggie should just do a road trip when she's done with her PhD and visit all of us.

I'm getting frustrated with the ineffectiveness of NO and it's driving me batty. Yesterday we were at a playground and Claire took off running over the grass toward the street, and didn't stop when I yelled at her to come back. I chased after her and out of the corner of my eye I saw Ronin sprinting the other direction, toward the other street. I had to grab Claire and run to catch Ronin. I'm sure they thought it was a game, even though I was telling them NO, but just 15 minutes earlier they'd both responded when I told them to stay on the sand and I thanked them for listening. I'm definitely giving them positive feedback when they do what I ask. We left right after I captured them.

And then both of them climbed up on the console table when I was in the bathroom yesterday, took down the curtain rod, broke the glass ball of the end, and started using both pieces as drumsticks, beating at stuff with rod with sharp broken glass at the end. I swear I was only gone for one minute. Claire was really proud of herself, and presented it to me saying "Drumstick!" but I said "NO Climbing on the table!" and her face just crumpled up and she cried. I felt horrible, but a few minutes later they both did it again. I moved the table beyond the babygate. I feel like I spent all day yesterday telling them no to no avail, and they were all kind of urgent situations so I could not take the time to redirect them--it was a grab-and-shout kind of day.

I just don't know what to do. Ronin laughs when I say "No!" and Claire cries, but it doesn't change anything. I need to change my strategy, but everything that has worked before takes time and attention, and doesn't seem like it would work when things are happening quickly. Plus I'm picturing the playground incident but with an infant as well, and it's just making me feel like I won't be able to keep all of them safe.

I have stopped going to my favorite fenced playground temporarily because the bushes on the edge have berries on them, and Ronin thinks they're blueberries and keeps picking them.

Sorry for the lengthiness. Bridget, or anyone else who's been through this age, I'm happy to listen to anything.

**3andMe** · 11-07-2009, 06:33 AM

Oh, one more thing...

Dh and I are going to lunch and a movie today ON OUR OWN! Third time since the babies were born, and fifth time out without them. We were going to see Men Who Stare at Goats, just because we saw a glimpse of a preview and it looked funny and interesting, but then I read some reviews that says it slows down and is not as funny toward the end. So now I'm hoping for some movie suggestions, because we skip over commercials so I have no idea what's out there.

Any good ideas? The two movies we have seen in the past three years were Slumdog Millionaire, and Coraline, both of which we enjoyed immensely.

**daylilies** · 11-07-2009, 06:58 AM

What works for me is telling him what he 'can' do rather than what he can't. Instead of saying 'don't run!' I'd say hey, want to jump over there?'
As for more dangerous things like running towards the road, I haven't figured that out either. I usually just make sure I have his hand before it becomes a problem. I make general rules about when I have to be holding his hand, like near a street or parking lot. If he says 'don't hold my hand' I remind him "we're near a street/parking lot, I have to hold your hand" and he seems okay with that.
I've gotten the hang of thinking a couple steps ahead, so I've got his hand before he thinks to run, like before we even leave the building or car. It's hard though.

Movies--last thing I saw was This Is It. It was good, but I don't know if you're a MJ fan.

**3andMe** · 11-07-2009, 07:23 AM

I picked up a tip from my twins board for hand-holding, which is "Parking lot rules." I say that every time I need to hold their hands when we're walking near or on the street.

Mine are also really much better about doing things I ask them to do then not doing things I tell them not to do, but it didn't help yesterday.

**rhiannasmoms43** · 11-07-2009, 09:44 AM

Lydia,
I confess you are doing something that most of us never experience...2 terrible twos

...at once...

I'll be honest. I don't think many mothers deal with this age 100% successfully. It is a big learning curve for the child at this age, as well as a time of asserting their independance- and the parent knowing that they have no clue what any of the consequences are.
I would suggest walking tethers, but that isn't realistic at a park, where you want them to get rid of their excess energy by running around.
The only thing I can think of is to bring the stroller and strap them in for a time out whenever they start going against your wishes? ...wow...I thought I went through/am going through a rough time with Gage.
Go to the multiple board. There has to be better advice on there.

**Gwenn** · 11-07-2009, 09:49 AM

Lydia, you've gotten some great advice but I wanted to add that "no" is a developmental concept that sounds like it's still emerging with your two. Which is probably why it's more effective to give them something TO do than something NOT to do. Keep at it, though, because they need to learn it but I would always give them something to do.

**The10Eels** · 11-07-2009, 01:16 PM

I confess.... today sucks..

I found text messages on DH's phone to a girl we have fought about before telling her that she'll always have a place in his heart, and that they'd be happy together.... and if he could go back in time, and take back his "f#cked up decision" he would...

**elmobo-n-lexi** · 11-07-2009, 01:23 PM

Originally Posted by atenielle

I confess.... today sucks..

I found text messages on DH's phone to a girl we have fought about before telling her that she'll always have a place in his heart, and that they'd be happy together.... and if he could go back in time, and take back his "f#cked up decision" he would...

OH Ashley!!! I'm so sorry. I want to kick your DH right in the nuts!

I'm so sorry you had to see that, ESPECIALLY since you just had his 2nd child! What a jerk!

**daylilies** · 11-07-2009, 01:41 PM

Originally Posted by atenielle

I confess.... today sucks..

I found text messages on DH's phone to a girl we have fought about before telling her that she'll always have a place in his heart, and that they'd be happy together.... and if he could go back in time, and take back his "f#cked up decision" he would...

WTF? I am so sorry.

**rhiannasmoms43** · 11-07-2009, 02:12 PM

Ashley

huge squeezy bone crushing hugs.
I understand that you are devastated right now, but realize that knowledge is power.
Step back. Take a look at all of your options and proceed with strength.
While you are taking the time to do this, I will stick a few strategic pins in my voodoo doll of him.

**Janeen** · 11-07-2009, 02:31 PM

Originally Posted by atenielle

I confess.... today sucks..

I found text messages on DH's phone to a girl we have fought about before telling her that she'll always have a place in his heart, and that they'd be happy together.... and if he could go back in time, and take back his "f#cked up decision" he would...

Sounds like cause for murder. I don't charge much.

I confess our house is being finished today! YAY, I am finally going to have it back!

**The10Eels** · 11-07-2009, 02:38 PM

ok.. and now... I just found condoms in his nightstand drawer.... We have only used condoms like 3 times since we have been married, and it wasn't this kind...

**Janeen** · 11-07-2009, 02:43 PM

**The10Eels** · 11-07-2009, 02:43 PM

I forgot to add... He woke up to me crying, just a few minutes after I found the text messages... He asked what was wrong, and I threw his phone at him and said "Why do you care?! We are just a f#cked up decision!"

He told me "Its not like that..." and that they are all trying to get this girl to break up with her boyfriend cause hes a douche and treats girls like ****.....

Riiiight.

**daylilies** · 11-07-2009, 02:45 PM

Please tell me he's not stupid enough to leave condoms in his bedside table if he wasn't planning on using them with you!

**Janeen** · 11-07-2009, 02:46 PM

So? And this is such a great concern to him why? I would tell Jimi he shouldn't be as concerned with that as he should be how much this stuff would piss his wife off!

**The10Eels** · 11-07-2009, 02:54 PM

Yeah... I haven't gotten to ask about the condoms yet... His friend is over, and I want full attention as I rip him a new one

**AmeriBrit** · 11-07-2009, 04:01 PM

Originally Posted by atenielle

Yeah... I haven't gotten to ask about the condoms yet... His friend is over, and I want full attention as I rip him a new one

Don't go easy on him; he sounds like he needs a good reality check.

**girlwonder** · 11-07-2009, 04:12 PM

Originally Posted by silverstar

Don't go easy on him; he sounds like he needs a good reality check.

Agreed. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.

**stephmama** · 11-07-2009, 04:27 PM

I confess I need to stop lurking.

to all of you that are having SO issues. That makes me sad.

And I would love to meet all of you. I have no problems sparking up conversations with people.

**Gwenn** · 11-07-2009, 07:23 PM

Ashley.

**elmobo-n-lexi** · 11-07-2009, 07:27 PM

Oh my gosh! He's dumb enough to leave condoms in a dresser where you could easily see them??? Really? And I definitely don't buy the story he was selling you about trying to break up the girl and blah blah. I agree, don't go easy on him! I'm so sorry!

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