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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #44311
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    Good luck, Janet.

    Kate, my nephew plays minecraft. For a while there it was the only thing he talked about, literally. So I'm probably a bit biased, but I think Josh would do better to stick with legos until he's a bit older.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  2. #44312
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    Ah I get it now! I just have never heard of a balance bike before. I don't think I have seen any kids on those in my neighborhood.....we have a lot of little kids.

    I hope that the appt goes well on Wednesday. Working until 2am sounds really hard...what time does he leave for work?

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  3. #44313
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    Mira's teacher's son is very into Minecraft. I think all the boys in that age group are, at this point.

  4. #44314
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    I don't know anything about minecraft. But I don't like kids spending too much time on video games. How does Josh do when time limits are set? Would he be willing to spend less time on a different game to give time for this game? I like and have played video games myself....but some kids, especially boys I don't think handle it very well. My cousin should have his video game severely limited.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  5. #44315

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    Good luck, Janet. Working til 2 a.m.... that's crazy. No wonder he's tired, and he sounds a bit depressed when he is home, going straight to bed. My dh definitely would be with those kinds of hours. I hope the appointment is great for both of you.
    I've been thinking about counseling a lot more here. We have some issues that we just can't seem to talk over without hurt feelings or come to an agreement on. I think an objective third party would be super helpful. But with our finances (and dh's obsession with finances, which is one of the issues), there's just no way he would do it. Someday, maybe.

    Kate, I don't know much about Minecraft either except that lots of kids, especially boys, are obsessed with it. If Josh has trouble accepting limits on things he really loves, it could be a challenge. Maybe there's a way to set it up ahead of time? Have a system, like poker chips he can turn in for 15 minutes of game time? I know that is a minefield (ha) with a passionate kid.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  6. #44316

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    Thanks for the advice!
    Right now we don't have time limits on his electronics. When he asks to play Skylanders, we let him play one chapter, because it will only save at the end of chapters. If he asks for ipad or computer time we let him play until we feel it's been long enough and he comes to a good stopping point. He just has too many games that you can't save at a moment's notice that it wouldn't be fair to set a set time limit on it. He's losing interest in Legos-he hasn't done his blog in forever and he doesn't really get excited about it anymore. He said he would give up the ipad if he got Minecraft, but i don't know if he will really follow through with that...

    I think he has gotten plenty of gifts but I know he'll be disappointed that he didn't get Minecraft. Such is life, I guess.

  7. #44317
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    One of the kids' friends at school must play it, because he talks about Minecraft all the time and writes stories about it. I don't like the amount of obsession they seem to display with it. It's hard enough to stop a video game addiction when you're a teenager--probably much harder if multiple other interests and activities are not developed during childhood.

    (And I have an unhealthy addiction to video games if I allow myself to play them. I pretty much can't play them or I will spend too much time at them.)


  8. #44318

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    We are the same, Kate, in that we don't have a set limit but when I feel like it's been long enough, I ask him to finish up and give him time to wrap up. Savana is only mildly interested in playing on random occasion so I don't have to say anything to her. And I try really hard to keep it from Sawyer at all but it's hard when he sees Kai do it since he is like a little shadow to his big brother. I set his kindle time for 30 minutes on the rare day he uses it and he normally loses interest well before that. My only rule is no video games until after lunch since the morning is our school time in whatever form that takes but no screen time. I actually bought Kai minecraft app and he is not that interested in it, which really surprised me.

    Oh, L, I got an email that the Turtlebots board game was available so I think I bought it! I say "think" because I just got a generic apology that the game sold out 8 hours after the email was sent but I ordered about 5 hrs after so I am thinking my order went through. Hoping!

  9. #44319

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    DH has that addictive personality too. When he plays a video game it's all or nothing. I see that in Josh too, so I think we are okay in waiting.

  10. #44320

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    Thanks for the good wishes, all. I find myself hoping for a miracle, but I know that's not realistic. Whatever this is will take time to heal. I have thought for a while now that he is fighting some kind of depression (the man has practically ZERO physical activity, anyone could get depressed from that!), and have talked to him about it, but he won't listen. Maybe he'll listen to her!

    He is supposed to leave for work about 6 AM, but is often, often late, usually leaving around 7, sometimes as late as 9. He's salary, so they don't really care when he comes in or leaves. He left about 7 AM today, and isn't home yet (9 PM). I have no clue when (or even if) he'll be home. He seldom answers my calls, emails, or texts. And while I know that sounds suspicious of an affair, I'm 99% sure it's not. If anything, he's married to his job and I'm the (unwanted) other woman!!

    Gretchen, you should look in to it. I finally found a person who was willing to work with me on the cost- $60 per session. Still expensive, but worth it. I need to try something!! The final key for me was when it got to the point that we couldn't even talk. We've never been the fairytale couple, but I always knew we were good together because we could always talk about everything and work it out. When we lost that, I knew we needed help!!

    I've never heard of Minecraft, either. Well, the name is familiar, but don't have a clue what it is. Well, except for the way you guys talk about it, I assume it's some video game. I'm also one of those that can become horribly addicted to video game (Sims is my weakness!), so I can't hardly ever play. Hubby is the same way, as is my brother. Maiya shows strong tendencies towards the same thing, so she gets VERY little screen time.

    So, I watched this video the other day. It's very emotional, and the poor teen is TERRIFIED. To talk to his mom. To tell his mom something so basic about himself. Luckily, his mom handled it very nicely (though I kept wishing she'd at sit up!!), but still. Even though I'm very confident that Maiya is straight (or at least, rather fond of the boys!), I can't help but hope that if, at some point in her life, she discovers something about herself that I don't know, she will never, EVER be so terrified to tell me. Nervous, even scared is fine. I mean, realistically, she'd be a teen, she won't want to tell me everything. But I hope she never has the terror this boy had, and never has a sincere worry that I will reject her for being her.

    Being a mom is tough! And I'm still FAR from the teen years!!



  11. #44321

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    My brother kept his homosexuality a secret for so long. Mid 20's before he came out though most of us already knew. My parents did not though. They ended up leaving their church-the one we grew up in. The one that made him think he was wrong his whole life. Breaks my heart for him. In our house homosexuality is commonplace so I feel confident they wouldn't hesitate to let it be known. In fact, they were surprised that "being gay" was a thing. To them it is just 2 people who love each other.

  12. #44322

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    That's why I already tell Josh that I'll always love him no matter what. I think when being gay stops being such a big deal (like making big news when a celebrity comes out) it will be easier for everyone.
    I also don't think Josh is gay. He gets all shy and giggly when we talk about this one girl in his class. It's pretty cute because he's not usually like that. But like Janet said, if he ever does discover that he is gay I hope that he's nothing more than nervous to tell me. DH would be a little more uncomfortable with it. He always says "I don't want to see that" and I'm like, well, I don't really want to see Josh and a girl all over each other either. LOL.

  13. #44323
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    Honestly even if it's common in a family and a kid knows their parents would be accepting, I think it's still super hard. My sister talked about boys and which ones were cute and went out with a few. My mom's brother, our favorite uncle that we were all close to was gay and my mom's sister is gay. So it's definitely something we grew up with and was in the family and my parents aren't religious. Yet it still took my sister until late 20's to say something. We've been close always....and I was surprised....and yet I wasn't surprised.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  14. #44324

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    I think it was something still very difficult for our generation, but I hope things are changing for the better. My sister too did not come out until her 20s - she dated boys in high school and even had some long relationships in college, but once she had a relationship with a woman, it was obvious that it was much more deep and fulfilling. My parents still have a lot of trouble with her orientation and her life with her partner. They are religious and, while they still love my sister and want a close relationship with her, the shame they've caused her to feel over the years, and the lack of respect they've shown her partner, has upset and angered me. My parents have tried to be better, but their feelings are obvious. Sometimes I just feel rage for my sister over it, but she's asked me not to make a deal about it or let it drive a wedge into our family, so for her sake I've complied. But both dh and I wish we could.
    DD likes boys, but most of her friends are somewhere in the gray area of bisexual/pansexual/unlabeled. In our area, there is little to no stigma over alternate sexualities, and many, many kids date both boys and girls. I admit that I would not only be okay with dd being gay, in some ways I would be relieved. I know there are still problems with partner abuse, etc. in same-gender relationships, but the rates are much lower, and women are less likely to be violent. Also less likely for her to contract certain STDs, and of course no chance of unwanted pregnancy.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  15. #44325
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    Right about now I think my mom would have loved a surprise pg. LOL Not so much when we were teenagers. But now with how long we have been trying and waiting.....and now my sister has to deal with going to a bank and doing IUI....I think she's going to give that a try in 2014 sometime.
    I am pretty sure that they would preferred my sister like men but mostly because it's a harder path in society. I know my dad didn't want my sister saying anything on FB because he thought she might lose her job. But for us we are like huh? It's not quite the big deal it was for my aunt and uncle I think. So really our parents are great and super accepting....but they worry about the rest of society.
    It does suck though that the girls want to get married next year but it's not legal in WI. It is in MN, IL and IA...pretty much every state around us but even if they go there for the ceremony, WI will not recognize it.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  16. #44326
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    I haven't given much thought to Mira's sexuality. She has friends who are girls, and friends who are boys, and I would honestly just not want her to get into 'relationship mode' until she is both physically and emotionally ready to handle something like that, oh, maybe when she's 30 (I kid. A little). The whole relationship thing that tends to happen at a seemingly young age here, does not appear to happen at a similar age for the Indian kids I know, so I can always hold out some hope for that.

    DH does not understand homosexual relationships. Especially male ones. He has gay friends, and is fine with that, but something about the logistics of it, is hard for him to fathom, although he knows it is about brain chemistry and wiring and all that sort of stuff. I don't think my parents ever cared, although I haven't specifically discussed anything like that with them.

    Jennifer, a friend of mine who is in Alaska got married anyway, although the relationship is not recognized there. There are federal benefits, so that's what they're after.

  17. #44327
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    When I first was talking to my DH....given my family history I asked right away what his thoughts were on gay people. He was like, they are cool....just less competition for girls (not that he had all these girls he was chasing....we were young when we got together!). I think he was thinking of gay men.

    I told her that we would need to figure out the logistics of it. I don't know if they would file taxes as married for federal but single for state? I mean can you even do that? I also wasn't sure if the federal benefits extended to states were it wasn't legally recognized even if the marriage happened in a state where it was legal. It's kind of a mess....they really need to just make states recognize at least other states even if they don't perform them in that state.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  18. #44328

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    When my husband and I first met (we met online) and were chatting I told him I was bi and he said something like "Oh, I know all about that." I said "You're bisexual?" and he said "No, my ex girlfriend is!" LOL

  19. #44329

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    When my husband and I first met (we met online) and were chatting I told him I was bi and he said something like "Oh, I know all about that." I said "You're bisexual?" and he said "No, my ex girlfriend is!" LOL
    That's funny.

  20. #44330

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    My brother kept his homosexuality a secret for so long. Mid 20's before he came out though most of us already knew. My parents did not though. They ended up leaving their church-the one we grew up in. The one that made him think he was wrong his whole life. Breaks my heart for him. In our house homosexuality is commonplace so I feel confident they wouldn't hesitate to let it be known. In fact, they were surprised that "being gay" was a thing. To them it is just 2 people who love each other.
    That is sad for your brother. I don't understand why sometimes families aren't supportive. Indiana voted no on same sex marriages and I think its ridiculous to ban love basically. Its not anyone's business who they love or why they love them. I am going to join the protest for that ban. We do have some liberal churches actually the meeting to protest the marriage law is in a church of all places. For me it goes to show its not a religious issue is a humanity issue.

  21. #44331
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    I like your new signature picture, Lindsay.

    Happy holidays, everyone. I hope everyone is getting a little time off and doing okay dealing with holiday pressures, experiencing some joy, and having enough family togetherness without too much family strife.

    I am loving that it's the very dead of winter and I saw people outside in their tank tops today.

    I took the kids out to play in two different playgrounds pretty much all day today (I'm not sure if it's because they are excited about Christmas, but they are bouncing.off.the.walls) and my 6 year old son decided to try to start a sand-selling business in the middle of a playground filled with sand. He very proudly took me over to show me the three separate piles of (a) dark, wet sand, (b) just regular sand, and (c) fine, light-colored sand. I told him I wasn't sure that he had a good business model, but I really liked his organizational abilities and the display case.

    Then I thought to ask him what the pricing structure was. He said each type of sand would cost two leaves, for as much sand as they wanted. He still didn't get any takers. He is so awesome.

    My younger son hugged a few toddling babies, and I heard the very audible "AWWW" from across the playground as a group of parents and grandparents saw him do that, and it kind of went to his head and he ran around trying to hug every baby he could find in search of that elusive praise again. He got a couple of more "AWWWs" but none as loud as the first time. He does love babies, but I also think he loves the reaction he gets from grownups when he's especially sweet to them, because he still keeps hugging them even if they are trying to push him away.


  22. #44332

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    Thanks Lydia! Yours is also cute. It was tough trying to coordinate both kids so I had to play with Wal-Mart editor thing to get it suitable for my liking.

  23. #44333

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    Merry Christmas Eve all! I can't believe it's 1 AM on 12/24. The good news is, I AM READY!! And so excited. I have no plans for tomorrow, it's gonna be a long, slow day, heh.

    Suja, I try not to think much about Maiya's sexuality. I'm like you- she can wait till she's 30!! But from a young age, she has loved older boys. Just the other day, she randomly told me "I love to play with older boys best, they are fun!" Even when she was only about 6 months old, she loved people, but would really stare at and follow with her eyes when an older boy or even a man walked by. Oh boy... Luckily, so far, she has never once initiated a talk about her marrying someone or anything like that. Though one time, she told me she wanted to stay with me forever. I said "YAY! I am so happy. You won't even get married and leave me?" And she answered "Well, I will get married one day. I'll marry Diego, and we can all live together." So, there ya have it!

    Bridget, that's how I hope Maiya is! To not even realize it's a "thing". One of the books Jennifer mentioned talks about "alternative" relationships, which I think is great, but it labels them, and I don't like that. I just want her to know that anyone can love anyone, no big deal. I know that won't last, but I can hope for her innocence to hang in there a bit longer, right??

    L, it was gorgeous today, wasn't it?? I mean, for December 23rd. What a way to start winter! Though man, we could use some rain. Poor nasty air quality and dry plants!! Sounds like you guys had fun. Maiya is still dragging. I thought for sure it was a growth spurt, and everyone even tells me she's grown, but she's STILL 38 lbs and 42 inches... As she's been for nearly 6 months! So, guess not.

    R is awesome! Too bad no one bought any sand. And S is so sweet!

    Lindsay, your picture is adorable!!

    Our counseling appointment went very well. We have another one on Thursday. I have high hopes! Gretchen, if you can swing it, you should try. Been good for us, anyway! And, we're going to Utah in January for Christmas with my brother. We'll see snow!! I don't think I've EVER, in my entire life, seen snow like we will for that. Phew! And Japan will happen, but since my host mom has yet to find anything to keep Maiya occupied (preschool, daycare, SAHM who will watch her regularly, ANYTHING), we may only go for a month or so, instead of 3. I will be SO sad, but 3 months for my high-stimulation seeking girl would be SO LONG. She needs to get out of the house everyday, and since I'll be working at least a few hours a week, that's a lot of time for her Grandma to watch her and take her out and entertain her. Especially with the language barrier! So we'll see what happens. I'm hoping to have our tickets bought before the end of the year! Wish us luck.



  24. #44334
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    I was wondering how the appt went! I am glad that it went so well!!!!

    Have you seen this one? http://www.amazon.com/The-Family-Boo...ords=todd+parr

    What is the most snow you have seen? Given that I have lived in WI my entire life, it's weird to me to think of anyone not really knowing snow. Though even I was a bit in shock when we got 22 inches in one weekend and literally could not leave the house for 2-3 days until the plows came through. We normally get smaller amounts that just pile up. Like tonight we will probably get 4 inches added to the 15 this month. And it was -10 this morning. I got DH to drop me off at work so I didn't have to take the shuttle bus in. And we are closing at noon today.

    Hi Lindsay!

    I just have to wrap the dogs toys tonight. Got all the food cooked last night....roast beef sandwiches for us.

    Uggg, so we bought a white dresser for the nursery and there are two smaller drawers on the top and the rest are big ones. The two small ones are at least a quarter inch off from each other. So I had to call the store and they are ordering a new one. I really hope this one when it comes in is fine. I mean this wasn't really cheap. i was going to do Ikea but DH didn't really like the styles so much.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  25. #44335

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    I'm glad the appointment went well too!
    It was in the 50's for a couple days here, which was really nice, but now it's cold again.
    Today I have to finish wrapping a couple presents, make banana bread for tomorrow and cookies for Santa. Josh is at my in-laws--they took him for the night last night.
    I only have one loaf pan so I'm making one loaf of banana bread at a time. Kind of a pain since they each take almost an hour to cook, and I'm afraid I forgot something because the batter came out really thick. I might have put in one less banana than I should have, but I hope it comes out okay anyway. I really dislike baking-I always manage to screw it up-but I was asked to bring dessert, and we had lots of bananas left over from when DH was supposed to be on the BRAT diet. So here's hoping.

    I love the sand story, L.

  26. #44336
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    Amazon lost one of my packages. It's the one with the most important gift, of course. There are a whole bunch of stuff, scheduled to arrive today, but now I'm really nervous.

    Janet, glad your session went well. I hope you can find a good place to be in your relationship, when it's all done.

    We're going to SIL's tomorrow. No cooking for me. YAY!!!

  27. #44337

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    Oh no!
    We had a few package mishaps, but all has ended well.

    Funny enough, the banana bread turned out good, but the cookies for Santa, which I was less concerned about, didn't make it. I could have sworn I followed the recipe, but I guess not. So Santa had girl scout cookies.

  28. #44338
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    So, this is apparently what happened with the package: "We learned today that there has been a failure in the UPS transportation network and they are unable to deliver your package by December 24. " They were very prompt with the refund, and have credited my account with $20 to compensate for the disappointment, I suppose.

    I hope that everyone had a fun and relaxing holiday.

    Since we didn't find a house to buy in the last year, we were thinking about remodeling. It looks like it will be expensive, without really changing the footprint of the house, and take something like 8 or 9 months (I have a few more people to speak with), so now we're thinking, we should move, after all. We really want to make sure that the house looks really finished, but that might mean that we are over improving the house. There is not a lot on the market, but we'll go see them anyway.

  29. #44339
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    Oh no I'm sorry that you were affected by the UPS thing.

    Our holiday was relaxing enough. Just two of us and the dogs....ate some good food, watched TV, played some games, chatted on the phone with our families and shoveled snow. One disadvantage to smaller dogs is I have to shovel the grass so they have a place to potty. Even though they can use a litter box, still try to get them outside to save on litter and well Cosmo especially just prefers it. But she's not happy when the snow is up to her belly and Molly's got a wire coat and the snow really clumps on her.
    Cosmo was so cute opening their presents. She is a smart girl and was holding the package down with one and ripping the paper with the other. Molly watched her and eventually started trying to help. Though she was more interested in the paper and not as much the toy. LOL
    I just really hope that next year we are celebrating a baby's first christmas.

    OMG 8-9 months of reno? No way, I would move too unless I just absolutely loved the location or something. I mean my house isn't fancy and doesn't have a lot of custom work but still, it was only 3 months to build and entire house including digging out the basement. We even said we would just have to build another house if we won the lottery because I would want to add a lot of the custom work....it would be similar to our house but more fancy and I would want to make the rooms at least a little bigger. Especially the mud/laundry room. I would think in a few months you will see a lot more on the market. This time of year is so slow on real estate but typically picks up a lot as spring approaches.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  30. #44340

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    It turns out two things I thought I ordered never came in, and I can't find them on my bank statement either, so I guess I spaced them out. I also forgot about two presents I wrapped really early on for Josh--I was buying him birthday presents and I wrapped and put a couple aside for Christmas and totally forgot about them. He opened them today. I think I'm losing my mind...

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