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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #43951
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    Goodness, Jennifer! That sounds awful! How about something to deal with allergies? Benadryl maybe?

  2. #43952
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Goodness, Jennifer! That sounds awful! How about something to deal with allergies? Benadryl maybe?
    I don't think it's an allergic response. I did two benadryl last night to help me sleep. I would think it's got to be immune. Been 72 hours now so I'm hoping that my body starts to chill the heck out. I'm thinking it's just me and how I react because when I did the tdap, I basically had a softball sized swelling in my arm and it was super red and hot to touch. Dh had pretty much no response to the same one.
    I am normally a pretty pro-vax person but this has me for sure rethinking doing this next year. I will have to see, I might do if we have a baby by that point otherwise I might be filling out the declination form at work.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  3. #43953
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    Hope you're better today, Jennifer.

    The Fall Festival went off really well. Our room looked awesome, and the obstacle course/crafts were well received. I think that the teacher and the other room mom were both skeptical about my magic potion idea(vinegar, baking soda, dish washing liquid, food coloring), but the kids were all 'How does it DO that?' And while I generally have low expectations about participation, we had a lot of help with both setup and teardown. Got to meet a lot of parents, which is always nice. And I did glitter tattoos for the kids at the end, as an unannounced reward for cooperation. It's so cool, how such small stuff makes such a huge difference to the kids.

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    Sounds great, Suja. I'm glad your hard work paid off!

  5. #43955
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    You know, I was totally venting to DH this morning about how the classroom is full of people from the Indian sub-continent, but we are all selfish a$$holes that can't see beyond our own, and I feel like I have to participate so much, to make up for everyone else. And then, a bunch of people stayed back to help out today. I think that some people are just shy or introverted, not actually being a$$holes.

    The teacher was saying that we can probably reuse a lot of our props from the enchanted forest, for International Day, so long as she picks something like a rainforest. She thought Brazil might be a good candidate. So, I'm up late, Googling craft/decorating idea. I always end up buying way too much for these things, so it would he nice to start collecting supplies now, instead of the month before the event. So far, I think that Carnival Masks would make a fun craft (http://www.orientaltrading.com/diy-s...Ntt=diy%20mask), maybe the animal sun catchers too (http://www.orientaltrading.com/jungl...tt=suncatchers) and there are a few scene setters that look like fun too. Of course, if I bring this up with her teacher now, she will think I have completely lost my mind.

  6. #43956

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    Jennifer, how are you feeling now? I'm so sorry, that sounds awful.

    Suja, what a great evening! Good job. Love when things come together like that.

    Ok, I apologize in advance, but I am feeling like rambling and being dramatic. Here we go!

    Yesterday morning, everything was fine. When I went home, however, the receiver in my car for the key wasn't working correctly, and though everything else was fine, my car wouldn't automatically lock or unlock for me. I figured, no big deal, I'll take it to the dealer on Monday while Maiya is in school.

    Today, we went to the Farmer's Market before Noe's birthday party. All was well. Bought stuff, including milk and meat, and went to the car. It unlocked via the remote just fine. IT WOULD NOT START. After trying a few things, we called AAA and my husband. Got AAA on the way, tried the same things again, called the dealership to let them know the car was being towed there. Dealership guy said "try the other key". When hubby got there, we tried it, and thankfully it worked!! Cancelled AAA and the horribly embarrassing tow that was certain to follow (we were parked in a VERY busy, very cramped parking lot, and would have blocked a huge flow of traffic for quite a while).

    However, it took so long to get things ready, that we had to forgo bring home all our perishable goodies to their safe fridges and eating lunch and getting costumes to head to the party. Luckily, hubby drove the car to the dealership and dropped the food off at home on the way. The car hubby drove to the farmer's market is the one I drove to Gretchen's. Since we didn't have time to go home any longer, we went straight to the party.

    We got to Noe's, had a great time. Sleepy girl spent a lot of time rolling on the ground- as you all know, she hasn't been sleeping well. But, she had a TON of fun. Still, with being so tired and our fun plans to go to an animal unhaunted house tonight, she was ready to leave after a few hours. Thank you Gretchen for a great time!!

    We said our good byes, and headed to the car. Just about the time we got there, I realized neither of us had gone to the bathroom for 6 or 7 hours, and decided to head back in to go before our hour long car ride home. She swore she didn't have to pee, I said fine, I'm going anyway. During my turn, she decided "Oh, I do really need to go pee!"

    She sat on the toilet, and suddenly started SCREAMING and crying. It was scary and heartbreaking!! Naturally, the first thing you think when peeing hurts so badly is bladder infection. I wasn't really worried, though of course, when your kid screams like that it kind of eats at your soul. She was really crying, so I took her off (without wiping first) and laid her on the floor. Imagine my surprise when her entire crotch area was BLOODY.

    It wasn't pure blood, it was obviously diluted with urine, but it was more blood than pee. I knew it was still a bladder infection, but I was worried that it was really bad. And top that off with the fact that, after how badly that pee hurt her, I knew she was going to hold it FOREVER (she has held her pee for over 19 hours before) and was worried she was going to become septic at that rate.

    So... I called the hospital's advice line to try to get in a quick detour to her doctor for a urine sample and meds (Gretchen, this is why I hadn't left yet and was on the phone when I went back in yet again for my jacket!). I told her exactly what was going on and how it would be treated. She said "I get to go to the hospital???" She was really excited about that idea. I told her "No, just the doctor's office."

    Naturally, I was wrong and she was right. They had NOTHING available for tonight. I either had to wait until tomorrow (and again, the amount of pain and blood made me not want to). So, telling myself that it would be quick (Kaiser ER. How could I lie to myself like that????) and we could still make the unhaunted house, we went to the ER.

    Ironically, they were amazing. Didn't even wait 10 minutes before being called back and assessed (I love that when the doctor asked what was wrong, she told him "I have a bladder infection". No symptoms, my 3 year old just diagnosed herself, hah.) and in the bathroom giving a urine sample. Which didn't come. First, as I said, Maiya seldom has to pee anyway. Second, she was terrified of it hurting her. So we went to an area in the ER, with a nurse working right there who was AWESOME at tending to us. Brought us a ton of drinks to try to make her pee, and even snacks so she had an easier time drinking- and some motivation.

    Four juice boxes, multiple glasses of water, 6 trips to the bathroom, and 2 hours later, we FINALLY had the urine sample. IT LOOKED PERFECT. Clear and light colored. I was terrified that I like, over reacted to runny poop or something. I mean, I'm no nurse, but I have some medical training and experience, I believe I know blood when I see it. How could I have been wrong??

    We went back to our chairs (Maiya had a wheelchair. My girl who is in love with all things medical was FASCINATED) to await the results. The awesome nurse brought Maiya everything she wanted- books, paper, crayons, snacks, and even dinner!! It took a bit longer than they said to get the results- about 45 minutes. But still, not bad. Had it not been for the fact that it took her two hours to pee, we actually would have made it to the unhaunted house. I was pretty impressed with Kaiser!

    Then the doctor came by with the results. We got good news, and bad news. The good news is that maybe, just MAYBE, her recent sleep issues have NOT been due to another two month long difficult sleep phase! They could be due to her bladder infection. The bad news is, she does indeed have a bladder infection. Even though the urine looked totally clear, the doctor said there was definitely blood in there that he could see under the microscope, and therefore I had not made a huge mistake. Phew!

    We spent a grand total of about 3 hours in the ER. Just enough time to miss the unhuanted house. I AM SO UPSET!! And yet, so very, VERY proud of my girl. 3 hours in the ER, and not a single fuss at all. It helps that she is in LOVE with anything medical related. So thrilled to be at a REAL hospital, and talking to doctors and nurses, and getting her blood pressure taken, and sitting in a wheel chair. And of course, they gave her SNACKS and food and new books to read and things to color. She was perfectly happy the entire time. Talking, flirting, handing out random hugs, making friends. But still, considering that she's been so tired and it was the ER, it could have been a lot worse. Yup, so proud!

    Luckily, my husband and my mom met us there, so they were able to take her home while I waited around for another hour to get her meds. Just got home! And STILL don't have my car. It's still in the shop. The dealership has no clue what's going on. Grr. At least the issue with Maiya was easily resolved! Wish we could say the same for the car.

    And, just to top it off, since my husband drove the car (and food) from the farmer's market to my parents house to get their car (so they could drive him back from the dealership), the food went to their house. So now, we don't have milk for tomorrow! Ah well. That is the least of my worries!

    Anyway, sorry for rambling. It has just been one of those days!!
    Last edited by Krystal5; 10-26-2013 at 11:39 PM.



  7. #43957
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    That sounds like a day worth being dramatic over. It certainly would explain why she hasn't been sleeping well, although not any reason to suspect it. I cannot believe she can go that long without peeing. I mean, of course I don't doubt you, and there are times that would come in handy (maybe she should be a nurse or a trucker when she grows up?) but has she ever been worked up by a pedi urologist for her amazing talent? There is a really good one at the local facility. And speaking of, I have never had a very long wait, not in the myriad of times we've had to bring Claire or occasionally someone else to the ER. It's been pretty nice.

    S. can't go 15 minutes without a bathroom stop sometimes if he's just chugged a bottle of water. It makes road trips or any sort of activity very complicated. Not looking forward to that during trick-or-treating, but maybe I'll carry an empty bottle and bemoan the fact that he chose a costume that has to be unzipped from his shoulders all the wee down. I know he's at the other end of the frequency spectrum, but I can usually avoid that by restricting fluids if we're about to go somewhere. I just can't do it for all-day events.

    I spent all day yesterday at one school event after another yesterday and I don't know what we're going to do today. My chest feels like it's on fire. I just know I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow at work and I'm dreading it because there has been this growing backlash against people with kids because we are less likely to volunteer for overtime or to stay late. One person left in a huff the other day saying, "Those of us without kids at home are the only people who are flexible!" I do plenty of unpaid work from home and I work through lunch, but it's true, I don't have the flexibility to stay significantly later. It's been a bad week.


  8. #43958

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    So sorry, L! What is going on in your chest?

    Janet, she is a trooper! I am surprised she was not running a fever!

    We are getting a bird. Savana has been saving her money and telling everyone that she is saving for a bird. The mother of one of the children I watch pulled me aside and told me that her friend is involved with a bird rescue and trying to find a home for a dove. I've been emailing back and forth and Pumpkin, the dove, is apparently very friendly and loves human interaction. I sent the information to Dbf and he agreed it would be a good pet for us.

    I have never liked birds. I mean, not for pets. And not scrounging for food on the beach. But my kids love them so here we go! I certainly love the chickens so a dove should be easy to love.

  9. #43959
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    Janet, that sounds like a drama day for sure! What a little trooper Maiya is.

    L, I hope you feel better soon. I hate feeling conflicted about being sick when I need to work. It's a terrible feeling.

    Bridget, I have no doubt you will love the dove, too.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  10. #43960

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    Janet, I'm so sorry about Maiya! I had no idea all of that was going on - now I feel like a terrible host because I didn't know there was a little girl screaming and peeing blood in my bathroom. But I'm so glad that her ER experience was a good one and that it's an esaily diagnosed problem. I hope the meds work quickly and that maybe her sleep issues will improve, too. Poor girl!

    And L, I'm sorry about your work woes. Work-life balance is a tricky thing, and it's true that folks with greater responsibilities (whether it's kids, a parent or friend who needs help, a strenuous volunteer commitment, or whatever) sometimes have more to juggle. But none of us should be expected to make our jobs our whole lives. That's why you have work schedules, so you can follow them and fit in the rest of your life. If the grumblers can't set boundaries for themselves, it's kind of their problem, not their co-workers', as far as I'm concerned. But I hope you don't get sick.

    We had a fun day yesterday at Noe's party! Loved seeing some of our bay area APA friends, missed those who couldn't be there. My parents just went home after a 4-day visit, all of the bday festivities are over, and all I want to do is sleep. I've had a four-day headache -- not terrible, just nagging -- and I can't figure out whether it's sinus/allergies, hormonal (aunt flo is visiting) or tension/exhaustion. Hoping a good night's sleep takes care of it.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  11. #43961

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    L, that's a great idea, I had never thought of that. I've asked about her urinary function far more times than any normal mom would. I had a birth defect that messed me up, so I started asking in utero. Asked again after her 19 hour stint. They just kind of blow me off, never suggested a pedi urologist. I think I even asked on here, and everyone said that she should be fine. I think. Her habits are pretty much exactly like mine, so I just kind of went with it. Maybe I'll ask!

    I'm sorry you're feeling so rough. Are you getting sick? I COMPLETELY agree with Gretchen. I always hated people claiming that kids made you inflexible, because that insinuates that you SHOULD be working outside your work hours. Even before I had kids, I hated when they "needed flexibility". I may not have had kids, but I had other obligations. No one should be obligated to work more than they're scheduled, and the employers should appreciate those who are willing. Again as Gretchen said, if they can't set boundaries, it's their own faults!!

    Bridget, I agree with Mandy, you will love that bird, I am sure! How fun. I want to see pictures when she gets him! I always wanted a bird for a pet. Finally got one, and he bonded with my husband, and became quite mean with me. Had to give him up. A part of me still wants a bird, but I'm sure I'll never get one again! A nice, friendly dove sounds awesome.

    Gretchen, I'm so sorry if I made you feel bad! Don't worry, you had no way of knowing. I didn't even begin to suspect until she actually went pee, how would you have known? The rolling around on your living room floor that she did is not a normal sign of a bladder infection! And we all know she's not been sleeping well, so I wasn't the least suspicious. Hope your headache goes away soon! It's always annoying when you don't know the cause...

    Ok, ready for the continuation of my crazy day? Not quite as crazy as yesterday, but here's a summary, anyway!

    Maiya got out of bed and went potty. Made it to the bathroom door about 10 feet from the toilet, and took her diaper off. And started peeing. On her whole trek across the bathroom. Luckily, it was not really bloody! She insisted on "helping" me clean it up, so she stood in the door way while I cleaned. Even though she theoretically knows that doors can pinch, she randomly decided, while my back was turned, to grab the door with one hand on each side (of the door, not the door frame) and walk it closed. So, yes, of course, she pinched her finger hard.

    It looked BAD. All mangled and swollen and bloody under the nail. Luckily, after 10 minutes of ice, I realized it was not as bad as it looked at first. All the skin is scraped up, but it's not even bruised! Phew, avoided another ER trip in less than 24 hours, hah.

    Got a call on our car. It's a bunch of little things all adding up to a big mess, which is frustrating because we have it checked regularly. Grr. Up to $450 now, which isn't bad, but they're not done running diagnostics. I am without my car for a few days! Luckily, my parents have an extra that I am borrowing.

    And then... Despite the fact that she peed across our bathroom floor just fine this morning, Maiya decided (just as I feared she would) that it hurts too much to pee. She REFUSED to go for a few hours, but at the 7 hour mark, I wouldn't take no for an answer. Tried everything on the toilet, but she wouldn't. So, I resorted to letting her pee in a warm bath. Even that was hard to get her to do, but she did. Didn't seem to hurt, yay! Let me tell you, when the docs said the meds would turn her pee neon orange, they weren't kidding! That was quite the sight. At least it wasn't blood!

    After that, however, she decided it STILL hurt too much to pee. Even though I reminded her many, many times that she JUST peed in the bathtub and it didn't hurt, she still wouldn't. Even in the tub again! I tried EVERYTHING. An hour later, I gave up, because she was fighting HARD. Full of screaming, and crying, and hitting, and telling me she doesn't like me, and I'm bad, and she wants me to live somewhere else, and she doesn't want me alive any more. Not worth it. So I left her, and Daddy started getting her ready for bed.

    Well, then I found a teeny tiny spider, the perfect size for our Venus Fly Traps that are FINALLY big enough to eat something. So, while they were getting ready for bed, I got things ready to feed him. Oh, she wanted to do it so badly!! But I told her no, she had to get to bed because she had too many germs in her bladder from not peeing, and her body needy sleep to fight them off. Well, that was enough for her. She won't pee in order to not get very sick, but she will pee in order to feed a spider to the venus fly traps!!

    I dread tomorrow. The morning will either be the easiest (she peed FINE this morning), or it will be horrendous as I try to get her to pee in enough time to make it to school without being horribly late. And then after school, ugh. Not looking forward to a repeat of this afternoon. I don't like my 3 year old telling me she wishes I wasn't alive just because she has the choice to either pee or not pee!! <sob> I keep telling her "your pee is orange, that means the meds worked and it won't hurt!" and it hasn't hardly hurt her. She's just still scared.

    Oh, but the docs said her tears would be orange, too, and they aren't. I'm kind of disappointed, I wanted to see that!

    The good news is, she is already sleeping better tonight than the last few nights. Didn't take 1-2 hours to fall asleep! So here's to hoping that sleep issue is on the way out.
    Last edited by Krystal5; 10-27-2013 at 10:27 PM.



  12. #43962
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    Poor little girl! And mom! I can understand where she is coming from. Not that it makes life any easier for you, Janet.

    Get some rest, Gretchen. I hope that takes care of your headache.

    Lydia, that's tough. It is hard enough balancing everything with just one kid, I don't know how you manage. And stay so sane and sensible.

    Bridget, I hope the dove works out. What does your cat think of all the critters and birds you have?

  13. #43963
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    I have just about had it with DH. Our niece (his sister's daughter) called, asking for help with booking her tickets to visit us over her Christmas holidays. I did it, while she was on the phone with me, and DH, who had been listening to the whole thing, absolutely blew up at me, about paying for her tickets. Apparently, I should have asked him about it, before agreeing. I absolutely run it by him, if I ever have to give money to anyone on my side of the family, but HIS sister's kid? I know that her parents will offer to pay it back (and DH will decline, since he is ever so magnanimous). It IS possible that her parents are trying to take advantage of our (my) good nature, but it's not like we can't afford it. I am just so sick of his paranoia surrounding money. I suspect that he will die, surrounded by money, but no people in his life.

  14. #43964
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    Janet, the drama continues! Poor Maiya. However, you should remember the Venus fly trap strategy. It may come in handy again!

    Suja, I am so sorry. You are right, given that it is his family he shouldn't get upset with you.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  15. #43965
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    See, this comes on the heels of me buying tickets for Disney on Ice friends/coworkers. Long story, but Ticketmaster was going to charge $9.05 per ticket as a processing fee, but since the venue was 5 minutes away from us, I offered to go by and see if the costs were any better. I paid $32.50 per ticket, instead of $39.05 per ticket, plus 4 bucks credit card processing fee, plus 2 dollars to print your own tickets that they charge. He didn't want me to buy it for them, although he knew that they would pay is back (and they did, without anyone saying anything about it). I am just not understanding this. The more financially secure we have become, the more paranoid and less generous he has become. He has such a 'Us against the world' mentality now. It wasn't always this way.

  16. #43966
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    That is so frustrating. Sounds as though he is feeling insecure about something, to me. I hope you can get him to feel more comfortable.

    I confess I think I have killed my macbook. I pretty much use the iPad most of the time, but pull out the laptop either to give the ipad a break or for stuff that I just can't do on the iPad, like playing Sims. The graphics on the Sims were stressing it out and it crashed and now I just can't get it to move past a white screen when I tried to start it up. I was able to run a hardware diagnostic on it and it says the hardware is perfectly fine, which confirms my suspicion that I ran the graphics card into the ground. I'm very sad, and replacing my laptop is not in the cards. Oh, well, I am feeling grateful I have the iPad and haven't had to give up my internet addiction completely. Fortunately I have most important stuff backed up to the cloud and haven't lost anything I will regret.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    OMG Janet that sounds like an awful and crazy few days! Poor baby. I am another amazed at the bladder skills you all have. God I probably average 8 times a day between waking up and going to bed. And once in bed, I generally get up and go 2-4 times a night. LOL

    L that is hard with work. It seems like that is one line of work that scheduling can be very difficult. But I don't see why they would expect someone hourly to stay late. Even more surprised that they are allowing OT....OT pay has been pretty much banned for us. I'm salaried but am so lucky that generally I'm not expected to stay late...I do once in a while or work outside my usual hours if traveling....my boss has kids but his youngest is 14 so he's not often off because of kids anymore. And has been great if I needed off to take my dogs to the vet or I have family arriving, letting me leave early. Balancing work and personal life can be really hard and the expectations are just so unfair sometimes.

    Good luck with the dove Bridget! I'm not a bird person myself and neither is my DH even though his grandma used to raise birds. It is pretty great of you to get critters the kids want. My kid is going to be deprived....they are having a dog and that is it. My sister and her girlfriend have a lot of critters...dog, cats, fish, had a rat, hamsters, snake. The only one DH and I like is the dog. I don't dislike the cats but he's so highly allergic that we would never have one.

    Yesterday I was looking out the window and was like, what the heck is that running through my yard. It stopped in the front yard long enough for DH to see and we googled and found out it was a phesant. Glad he saw it too....one time I saw weird birds out there, I thought they were female peacocks and he was like, um those aren't native to WI. Doh! Turns out they were turkies. LOL At least six deer were out there last night. Cosmo could care less about the deer but Molly is really bugged by them.

    Mandy that sucks about your laptop! Maybe you can bring it into a shop and get a new graphics card? We just replaced the hard drive on one of our laptops and it was not too bad....way cheaper than buying a new one. We will buy a new one when the other one crashes for good but it's pretty old.

    Suja, what the heck is up with your DH? I thought mine was tight with money but even he would be ok with something like the disney tickets long as we got paid back.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  18. #43968
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    Beats me, Jennifer. It's very distressing. I give up. This is not the man I married.

  19. #43969

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    Suja, I'm sorry about your husband. I've heard of that happening a lot. Money does not tend to make better people! My brother is a prime example. Not the same situation, of course, but just an example of money changing people. He used to be pretty free with his money. I remember him bragging that he would NEVER be caught dead tipping less than 50%, because he knows just how hard it is be in that industry. Lo and behold, now that he's married in to money, he has started tipping near the lower end of average. He used to fly / drive home quite often, just to visit. Now that he has money, however, he just "can't afford to". He can, of course, afford to buy a boat, and a cabin on 20 acres, and a kayak, and 4 cars, but not tickets home. So instead my parents will fly out to see him.

    My husband is exactly the opposite. Now that we have even just a little money (for the first time EVER, really), it's burning a hole in his pocket something awful. Save me!! He buys mostly toys for himself, of course, but likes to show off to others occasionally and blow money on them, too. Since we don't have that much money, for the moment, I'd prefer him be a little more careful! Why do people change??

    Oh no, Mandy!! You can't lose Sims, that is TRAGIC. Sims is my one vice, I admit. Sims and sleep, really. The two of which are not at all compatible!! Don't play like I used to, but I still claim to be addicted. Good times! Hope you will be able to replace it before too long.

    Jennifer, our dog Quincy looooooooooooooooooooves dear. He's a really good boy and listens well, but if there's a dear, well, we can expect to see him again in about an hour! He likes to chase turkey, too, but they pale in comparison to dear.

    I have good news!! First, Maiya did not pee all over the floor this morning. Second, even though she was still worried about the pee hurting, I think it finally sunk in that it didn't ACTUALLY hurt to pee at all yesterday, she was just scared that it would. So, after hesitating only a little, she peed this morning, in the toilet. And says it didn't hurt, yay!! When we talked to her teacher today (so she would not be surprised if Maiya screamed on the toilet, or if she started crying orange tears, which I sadly still haven't seen), Maiya told us both that it didn't hurt to pee and she would be fine. So here's to hoping!

    Her finger also looks good and she seems to have forgotten about it. Now, we just await news of the car!
    Last edited by Krystal5; 10-28-2013 at 10:32 AM.



  20. #43970

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    So glad Maiya's feeling better, Janet! That finger squish sounded painful. Thank goodness it was better than you thought.

    Suja, I'm sorry. It is my experience also that more money can create more worry, insecurity and control issues. My ex-husband was controlling with financial issues and it was very, very difficult. I hope maybe this is just a bad time for your dh, with some other anxieties perhaps exhibiting themselves this way, and that he will relax with time and become more like his old self. I don't suppose you can talk to him about it without his getting defensive? Could he have some generalized anxiety or depression that is manifesting in controlling behaviors? Sometimes I think when we are not in a state of equilibrium on the inside, but can't find or won't confront the true cause (or sometimes it's just a chemical imbalance, no cause), it comes out in other ways. When my dh is stressed at work, he comes home and complains about the state of the house, for example, or grumbles about finances.

    Bridget, we like birds here. I had finches as a child, but once one of our cats got one right through the bars of the hanging cage - it was my fault, I'd left a chair within jumping reach of the cage - and it was so traumatic for me (the cat managed to hook the bird with his paw and pull it about halfway through the bars of the cage, then ate up to where he couldn't reach anymore, leaving the top half of poor Dagwood lodged in the bars) that I've never allowed DD1 to have birds as long as we have cats. Which means ever, essentially, since we always have cats.
    But we do like them, and I especially like doves. I hope your dove brings your family lots of happiness.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


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    I still have the headache. It is a small, nagging one, not a very big deal but I'm ready for it to be gone. I didn't get a great night's sleep last night (woke up a couple of times with Noe, and then she was up at 5 and 6 again) so maybe that's still the culprit.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


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    Oh what a sad story!
    We are surely going to have to take extra precaution with the cats and have been discussing that a lot.

    Suja, I understand your annoyance, for sure. Dbf is also very controlling about money. One of my biggest pet peeves is when he gets the credit card bill, he stands in the kitchen with me (which I'd love under different circumstances, if he hung out with me instead of sitting on the couch with his iPad) and basically reads it out loud to me and asks me about charges I already ran by him and just acts generally shocked by the whole bill even though nothing is a surprise. It's especially unnerving since I stopped bringing in a paycheck.

    I am so glad Maiya is feeling better. Savana had a couple of UTI's at that age. I put her on a cranberry extract supplement for a year or so.

    And speaking of Dbf's iPad. It's becoming a real issue. It makes me really upset when he is feigning play with the kids. He has one hand on a matchbox car and the other, along with most of his attention, on the iPad. I'm not saying I never pull out my kindle if I'm sitting with Sawyer while he plays trains, but the very second he starts to involve me in his play, or wants to show me something, or talk to me, it's shut and put aside. Same with all the kids. He was on that thing from 9am,- noon yesterday. One of 2 days home with us in a 9 day stretch. When I finally implored him to just put the darn thing down, he said he was getting his car rentals and hotel room. 3 hours that takes him! Hmmm, not very efficient, are we?
    I feel he will have so much regret one day.

  23. #43973

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    Quote Originally Posted by pepperlru View Post
    I still have the headache. It is a small, nagging one, not a very big deal but I'm ready for it to be gone. I didn't get a great night's sleep last night (woke up a couple of times with Noe, and then she was up at 5 and 6 again) so maybe that's still the culprit.
    What sort of headache is it? I woke up with a headache, for weeks, that radiated through my neck and shoulders. Sleeping on my back with a contour pillow almost eliminated them.

  24. #43974
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    Gretchen, that was very insightful about stress and how it can affect personality. I hope what is going on with Suja's husband is a temporary thing.

    I was never allowed birds or fish growing up, because we have cats. I'm in the same boat that I can't really see myself not having a cat long term, so birds are out.

    Bridget, Mark and the iPad. I admit, I'm addicted to mine - but I would never pretend to play with a kid while I was actually on the iPad. That's terrible, but really it's more of what he's already been doing, isn't it? Just amplified. He doesn't ever really attend to what the kids are doing (at least based on what you have shared in here).

    Jennifer, the problem with macs is that the graphics card is integrated into the motherboard. So I can't just replace the graphics card, which I could do on a PC, but I have to replace the whole board. I googled prices and it's around $700 just for the part - and that's if you get an unauthorized one online. Having it serviced through Apple would be even more for the part and then a labor charge. I can buy a used macbook for around $200 to $700 depending on which model I get, so to me it makes more sense to get a used one for a replacement, but even so it will have to wait right now. Maybe I can see if I can get my files rescued and sell this one for parts.

    And Janet, yes!!! My Sims!!!! I miss them!!!! (LOL!)
    Last edited by Gwenn; 10-28-2013 at 01:21 PM.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  25. #43975
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    OMG, I would panic hardcore if one of my girls took off for an hour. I was really worried about that with Molly when we brought her home because she is half beagle. She's on an electric fence though has ran through it a few times. Not often and stops when I yell at her. And now she's 2 and has gotten much better about coming when I call COME....like if we are in the front and she runs into the back. The electric fence has been really helpful but I don't trust it enough to have them outside and not in my sight. Especially given that we have coyotes not too far off and I am positive I saw a wolf once out in the field near the woods. And a few weeks ago we were out with them and Cosmo's football....and this eagle was circling and checking us out.
    Cosmo I don't worry about. She was older when we moved there and she listens very well (except if one of her doggy friends is walking in the street in front of my house....she has a few she likes to visit with). The thing with her is we swear she has a sense of humor. We could be out front and she goes into the back. I call and call....nothing. Turns out she is up on the deck waiting to go through the back door. And she does this smiling almost like she is chuckling thing when I ask her what she is doing.


    That must be so hard to see someone change like that. I don't know, I can only think to just try to talk to him and see what his problem is.
    I too have one that pretty controlling with money. I don't know why the credit card bill is a surprise. I check it all the time online and try to keep him updated as to where it stands. I cannot imagine how hard it would be to have that on top of not bringing in a paycheck. I have never had to say it and wouldn't because he's so sensitive but we both know that I bring in more than he does. I just find it much easier to let him have control over it and generally we have the same goals in mind. And easier now that there is a bit of freedom....he gets some money each month for his online game and I can use some for getting things at the craft store or whatever.
    But I knew he was like this early one, many years before we got married.

    And I feel like if we are both home, I will do more kid care and playing than he will and will want time on his computer games or for reading. I think it will be hard for him to adjust to not having so much me time and will really try to make sure he still gets that. I think he believes in playing and spending some time with the kid but that the kid should play alone sometimes too....and that he will not be one to entertain the kid all the time. He could prove me wrong and be different than I expect....but I don't think so. At least he's really helpful in cleaning. And hopefully the kid eventually wants to learn to play chess because he's really excited about that....and I don't like playing so he's wanting to teach the kid.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  26. #43976
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    Mandy that sucks. I didn't know that about macs, I have always had PC's. But I like my ipad too. I like to check things online and play games while watching TV. I have the mini though so typing isn't the easiest on it.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    I don't enjoy typing on mine, either, but fortunately I have a wireless keyboard for it. It makes all the difference. When I am just hanging out watching TV and browsing I can use the keyboard that pops up on screen, but when I have something detailed to say I pull out the keyboard and can express myself the way I need to. It's actually nice to have the choice - I am using the iPad a lot for work and I can just stick it in my purse and go without needing to bring the keyboard along. The kids don't use it for writing so that doesn't matter.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    This is not exactly new. The control freakiness has been getting worse over time. It has just become intolerable now. And it isn't that he questions me about how the money is spent, because he doesn't. But after the thing with the niece's tickets, he went on a tear, looking through all our bills and such, and asking me what else I am spending, without telling him (he was right there, and I wasn't hiding anything).

    I think I told you guys about the dog thing, how it upset me that he wouldn't let me help a troubled friend, when we could. This is just more of the same, only from a different perspective. To hear him say it, I was pitching a fit because he wouldn't let me have a dog. Total disconnect.

    I think that all this is just emblematic of a larger issue, in that I don't much like, or want to have anything to do with this person, who gives so little of himself.

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    Suja. Would he be willing to do some self reflection, if he knew how seriously you feel about his behavior?

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    I'm so sorry you feel that way, Suja.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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