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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #43771
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    I also saw this one this morning which I like much better. It's a little business card your child can hand out while TorTing (LOL, Gretchen, when I saw you write this above I had to ask myself what torting was supposed to mean! Ah, gotcha). To me it makes more sense for the child/family to EXPLAIN why their actions might be perceived as rude, than to expect families with no idea about special needs to assume every single kid at their door (many of whom, quite frankly, are rude) has a special need.

    This is the card:

    Hello, my name is ____ and I have Autism. I cannot say "Trick or Treat" or "Happy Halloween," but I am trying.

    Thank you for understanding and Happy Halloween.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  2. #43772
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    It will be easier if we have a girl. I am not 100% set on the first name though fairly set and we haven't talked middle names so much. I have one I would probably use but just am not so attached. Number one that both like is Cassandra/Cassie and would probably use Cleo for the middle.

    A boy would be harder. We have been set on Theodore/Teddy for many years, maybe like 10? It was going to be Theodore Wilson (which used to be my last name) plus our last name. My MIL was like, what are you giving birth to a president? LOL But after my favorite uncle passed, I wanted to name a boy Theodore Thomas after uncle Tom.

    We both have a little more preference for a girl and I have more dreams of getting a girl. And am more willing to budge on a girl name.

    So you all can send girl vibes out there for us!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  3. #43773
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    We're just the opposite. We have a boy name all set and ready to go. It's the only name DH and I could agree on, so no need to argue about it. That's the name.

    Girl names, not so close. Too many options. I had one I was dead set on naming a girl before I even met DH and now he thinks that will be my first choice but I'm not so sure. Honestly, I think both names (first and middle) have peaked in popularity and will sound a little dated. 15 years ago they were super cool and sophisticated. LOL! Just another way for infertility to jab you.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  4. #43774
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    The card is a good idea. i mean I am fairly educated as is my DH....and yet we used to assume that kids we saw behaving in certain ways were just being little brats...usually ones being very vocal and that seemed like a tantrum.

    It's just really hard I think for people to understand or know what is going on unless their kids or someone else they know deals with this. Or they work with kids that have special needs.

    I never would have thought a kid didn't want to play dress up....we did that all that time when little and always with the kids I watched (a number of kids from different families). I could see not wanting to wear a mask or makeup but never would have occured to me that a kid wouldn't want to dress up.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  5. #43775
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    Honestly, MOST of the kids I know with Autism also enjoy dressing up. Other than the one or two who either are just so disconnected from what is going on around them they don't see the point (in which case, you're really trick-or-treating for Mom and not for the kid and I probably would stay home) or a kid with severe sensory issues, and in that case I think you could find something for them to wear.

    Honestly, I don't think facebook posts like this do much to further people's acceptance or understanding of children with special needs. I think they perpetuate stereotypes.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  6. #43776
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    Ok you have me curious....want to share? I had a few I really wanted but DH said no....like I really like Juliet but he said no way. Forget what he liked but Rachel was in there and so was Autumn and at one point Bianca. I like a lot of names I grew up with like Jessica (but couldn't do that as we know too many of them) or Stephanie, Brittney, Amanda ( ) Oh DH was really into Penelope/Penny.

    Forget what we came down too...Cassandra, Vanessa, Oh I loved Courtney but he is meh on that one. For a while it was going to be Katherine Cleo and called Kasey but I changed my mind there as everyone was like, we can call her Katie and I didn't want to do that. Considered Sydney but my sister has claimed that one. I really like my sister's name but am not going to name my kid the same thing as my sister. LOL
    We also both like Holly but decided it was too short....we go for longer names. And we named the dog Molly and still call her that at least some of the time.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  7. #43777
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Honestly, I don't think facebook posts like this do much to further people's acceptance or understanding of children with special needs. I think they perpetuate stereotypes.
    Yeah like my sister just didn't want makeup on for a few years or was bothered by elastic so my mom just made sure cuffs and neck were not tight on her.

    Seems like it would just be better to talk to people one on one and educate them that way and just stick with ToT in the neighborhood with people you know at least a little bit.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  8. #43778
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Seems like it would just be better to talk to people one on one and educate them that way and just stick with ToT in the neighborhood with people you know at least a little bit.
    Yeah, I agree.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Ok you have me curious....want to share? I had a few I really wanted but DH said no....like I really like Juliet but he said no way. Forget what he liked but Rachel was in there and so was Autumn and at one point Bianca. I like a lot of names I grew up with like Jessica (but couldn't do that as we know too many of them) or Stephanie, Brittney, Amanda ( ) Oh DH was really into Penelope/Penny.

    Forget what we came down too...Cassandra, Vanessa, Oh I loved Courtney but he is meh on that one. For a while it was going to be Katherine Cleo and called Kasey but I changed my mind there as everyone was like, we can call her Katie and I didn't want to do that. Considered Sydney but my sister has claimed that one. I really like my sister's name but am not going to name my kid the same thing as my sister. LOL
    We also both like Holly but decided it was too short....we go for longer names. And we named the dog Molly and still call her that at least some of the time.
    My girl name for a long time was going to be Sophie Madeleine. Which I still love, but there are so many Sophias and Maddys. I think it's the new Jennifer. DH likes Genevieve, which I am willing to consider. I like Vienna, which DH mentioned as a joke once and I still keep thinking is pretty. Vienna Rose? Too much?

    Our boy name will be Alexander Francis. Alexander because it's awesome (and DH likes ancient leaders and I said no to Xerxes and Genghis) and Francis because it's his dad's first name and my dad's middle name so it seems right.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  9. #43779
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Ok you have me curious....want to share? I had a few I really wanted but DH said no....like I really like Juliet but he said no way. Forget what he liked but Rachel was in there and so was Autumn and at one point Bianca. I like a lot of names I grew up with like Jessica (but couldn't do that as we know too many of them) or Stephanie, Brittney, Amanda ( ) Oh DH was really into Penelope/Penny.

    Forget what we came down too...Cassandra, Vanessa, Oh I loved Courtney but he is meh on that one. For a while it was going to be Katherine Cleo and called Kasey but I changed my mind there as everyone was like, we can call her Katie and I didn't want to do that. Considered Sydney but my sister has claimed that one. I really like my sister's name but am not going to name my kid the same thing as my sister. LOL
    We also both like Holly but decided it was too short....we go for longer names. And we named the dog Molly and still call her that at least some of the time.
    Love, love, love Penelope!

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  10. #43780
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    I agree on the Francis...having that on both sides is just right! And you already used Marcus. My cousin....is an Alex...at one point lets just say it was a pasta sauce that is white. So as a baby we called him Big Al because he was a big boy and the pasta sauce name just didn't seem right. He's definitely an Alex now.

    Madeline was once on my list too. It's definitely come down in popularity though and really dropped the last year or two if you check it on the SSI website. Not sure on Sophie or Sophia. I like that one too. Vienna is cute.

    It's not been bad having a common name....I know some hate it but I like being a Jennifer. Genevieve is good...a bit hard to spell at first but has a lot of nicknames for it.

    Vienna Rose is cute (my sister's middle is rose so I'm a bit partial to it since I like my sister a lot). It's not like doing Vienna Jo or Vienna Jane or Vienna Joy....would probably avoid the initials VJ. Though at least it wouldn't be VJJ LOL

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  11. #43781
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    yeah so did DH. I veoted the Penelope after really considering it. Seemed like it suddenly was getting popular, a little more than we liked and there were/are others I like more. And since he wasn't letting me have Juliet and eventually veoted Courtney....not about to let him have his top choice!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  12. #43782
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    VJJ! And the pasta sauce name! Jennifer, you're cracking me up today!

    I'm hesitant to use a name that peaked and is coming down, though. I knew a girl my age named Sharon and it always seemed like a name someone much older would have. Turns out her mom was much older and had a whole other family and Sharon was like 20 years younger than her siblings. I'm leery of putting my child in that position.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  13. #43783
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    It's my Friday today so I'm feeling fiesty.

    yeah I can see that with Sharon. Though I had one in my class too. I would think that even if a name is decreasing some, something like Madeline was still like 60 something last time I checked. So still fairly popular but not so much so that every 4th kid the class has that name. Plus I think more people now go for unique names so a little more less popular name might not stand out so much. I would think it would be fine being something that was more recently in fashion vs something like gertrude that has not come back in fashion in 80 years.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  14. #43784

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    I hadn't heard of many of these disorders either, until the past few years, even though I've been working with young children my whole adult life. It makes me think back to some of the kids I used to care for and wishing we knew more then as they could have been helped so much more effectively. And you are right, Mandy, that they so often were just considered naughty. I guess my point with bringing up that whole thing was just that there shouldn't have to be an excuse for a child not doing exactly what an adult expects of them. Just chill out. I mean, are there people really out there that reprimand a trick or treating child for taking too long or not saying thank you? My kids hardly ever answer strangers when they are spoken to randomly. Give them a bit to warm up and they will talk your ear off, but approach them out of nowhere and they will probably give you a dirty look! Lol.

  15. #43785
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    Yes, Bridget. Do people withhold candy or something if kids offend them somehow? I never heard of that. And I doubt they say anything, either.

    Here we get truckloads (like 10-15+) of kids all arriving at the same time. I think because a lot of neighborhoods are unsafe and/or low income, groups will go into nicer neighborhoods to go door to door. Can't really blame them for that if your own neighborhood is unsafe. One thing that does bug me is when I get 20 kids at my door all at the same time and not one of them (even the older kids) speaks English well enough to say "Trick or Treat." Seriously, it's one term. All these doors in the neighborhood will give you lots of chances to practice it.

    So that does bug me (and I hope that doesn't get taken the wrong way because I know and love lots of kids who are learning English as a second language). But even if I'm put off by it, I still smile and welcome them and make sure everyone gets the candy they want.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 10-10-2013 at 04:45 PM.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  16. #43786

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    We don't get anyone. Not one! And we don't go either.

  17. #43787
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    No one? Really?
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    We haven't "done" Halloween in the last few years, though. It isn't fun without kids of our own, just a hassle. All the knocking at the door really upsets Gwennie who barks like crazy, and they need to be put on the porch every time the door bell rings or she will bark so loud you can't hear anyone talk. I get to see cute kids dressed up at school, and DH is anti-social anyway. So we have started turning the lights out in the living room and staying in the back of the house. I feel guilty every time, though. We used to get a fair amount of people, since we live right in the middle of town in a nicer neighborhood.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  19. #43789

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    No children on our street! And no streets nearby, really. Not without crossing high speed country roads.

  20. #43790

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    Mandy, yes I did have a lot of music! I went through and deleted a bunch. I honestly didn't know how some of it got there. I finally got room for the update which works just fine for me. I've seen so many people complain about it, I was worried.

    I was going to post that thing about ToTing, about the kids who don't say ToT or aren't wearing a costume, etc. I have never heard of people withholding candy because of it, but I imagine those kids get a lot of comments. We don't get many ToTers either. We are usually out with Josh anyway, and we leave the bowl of candy on the porch. We go to a neighborhood that we like that has a lot of houses, then we might walk around our neighborhood a little, and then when we get home Josh likes to stay in costume and hand out candy to the few we get.

    You guys saw the costume from the Scream movies that Josh picked out, right? That still cracks me up.

    Josh came home with a little Christian activity book that his friend from school gave him (the same friend he had a playdate with last week). He said she was going to give it to the teacher but she didn't want it, so Josh asked if he could have it and she gave it to him. I don't feel quite right about that so I put it back in his backpack and I hope he'll give it back to her. Not that I don't want him reading it, but it just seemed like something she's supposed to be working on.

    I had to comment about the name Sharon--my mom's name is Sharon (she goes by Sherry) but I also knew a girl my age when I was about in 5th grade whose name was Sharon.

  21. #43791
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    The update works well for me, too! I read an article online saying that if you had older devices it would slow your system down. So I didn't update and I had all these updates for apps waiting ... Every time I looked at my phone I would see a big red "23" telling me I had 23 updates in the App Store and it was driving me insane! I couldn't leave that 23 alone! A coworker told me she updated her older iPhone with no problems so I decided to bite the bullet. So far I like having a makeover but I'm not totally sold on the "flat" look. I think it will grow on me. Seems like it's a better OS now.

    I hope we don't have any lurkers named Sharon! I wasn't meaning to pick on the name. It does seem old-fashioned to me but it's a perfectly nice name.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  22. #43792
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    I was surprised we didn't get really any at our old place...a town house a block from the school. We definitely get kids here and I think pretty much kids from the subdivision but I think we are a bit under the rader...it's pretty new and there are only 3 roads into it. A lot of younger families with kids.

    I would still give candy and not say anything but I would think stuff in my head depending on the situation. I do get irriated with teens who come in a black hoodie with like a strip of makeup and try to get candy. I don't see that as much here but back home in my ghetto neighborhood I did.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  23. #43793
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    Don't worry...it's a good name. But it just one that you see a lot of in women of a certain age group. Like Debbie, Linda, Sue....usually they are the baby boomers, not too many babies with that name. Though my volunteer was complaining about her granddaughter's name and that it was just so old-fashioned and where did my DIL get that....baby's name is Ava. I'm like um that is actually REALLY popular right now. She couldn't believe it. LOL

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  24. #43794
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    That's funny!

    A few years ago my mom was telling me about a friend's grandchild and she said, "Her name is Isabella!!!" I was thinking, like every other toddler on the planet! I do think it's a gorgeous name - but it's not exactly shocking.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  25. #43795
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    We have enough kids in our neighborhood that I think only the most oblivious or the most demanding of people would be noticing a kid who didn't speak up and say trick or treat or delineate the costume specs. It's pretty obvious that some kids are just reluctant to talk to strangers or some kids are scared of the whole thing or some kids are being dragged along by their parents, and some kids just love it. The grown-ups tend to concentrate on the people who want to talk.

    And I think that handing out a note would probably only draw more attention to a behavior that is not that out of the ordinary on Halloween. Lots of kids don't say trick or treat, and in my experience, not all kids wear complete or recognizable costumes, but most of the times the parents speak up and just say what is going on if the kids don't do it, IF it seems to be called for. I think in a lot of cases if there is a diagnosed disorder, there is this feeling that the parent has to either speak up and say that there is a diagnosis to explain it, or let the child silently explain it without drawing attention to it (via a note, like the Halloween example). I don't think it needs to be done. I have never had one parent at a playground explain to me that the cause for a child's behavior is autism or SPD or some other issue, but I have suspected it and have certainly granted leeway. It's common enough nowadays that if a child is behaving obviously out of kilter we should let them have a little slack, or at least give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

    Janet, I'm not sure if I have to work the day after Halloween or not yet. My work schedule should be coming out in the next few days. But I'm sure we'll be going trick or treating and you are welcome to come with us. I'm just not sure how energetic I'll be feeling and if I'll have to get up at 4:30 the next morning. Everyone here is definitely looking forward to it. Two ninjas and an astronaut.


  26. #43796
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    Actually, my grandmother thought my name was really old-fashioned. To her it sounded like a southern/African-American name. And she gave my dad a hard time over it. My grandpa on the other side asked if I was named after a refrigerator. LOL! My parents both always promised me never to comment on anything I named my children, because they were so traumatized by their own parents doing that.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  27. #43797
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    L, I get what you are saying and mostly agree with it. I do think it mostly isn't noticeable when a young child isn't able to speak and when TorTing in a big crowd, you don't always pick out the one quiet voice. I do think, however, that as kids get older and continue to not talk it becomes more unusual, and also when a child is alone rather than in a large crowd (which is very likely in the case of a child with ASD who has difficulty with social interactions, again especially as an older child) it sticks out more. And parents take it really to heart year after year as it becomes more difficult.

    I do think most people would be surprised to see a 10-11 year old show up at their door with only a parent to accompany them and have the parent do all the talking, or no talking at all.

    Also, using visual supports/alternative communication is something I actively work to teach my students, so that they can "speak" for themselves without needing to rely on others to speak for them, and so they can more easily enter a social situation even if they are nonverbal. So from that perspective, it is something highly desirable.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 10-10-2013 at 08:25 PM.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  28. #43798

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    I can see the parents being self conscious about it. I know that I feel that way when someone is just trying to be friendly with my kids and they clam up. But I stopped offering up.excuses for them. Savana told me early on that she didn't like it when I told people.she was shy. Maybe because it comes naturally for me, but I really think kids should be cut some slack in most situations. It's kind of confusing to be told to be wary of strangers but then being expected to be friendly and talkative on demand to someone you've never even met. It was extremely hard for me as a child. Still is sometimes.

    I noticed Savana cutting her crepe with a fork and knife yesterday and it struck me as odd since she's usually more of a roll it up and eat it like a burrito crepe eater. Then tonight she asked me how can anyone possibly eat noodles politely. That's when I realized and asked her if she was trying to practice for when we see Oma (dbf' s mom). She said yes. I said that I hoped she wasn't feeling nervous or anything and she said, "No, not at all. I just know she likes proper manners."
    I smiled to myself at that and felt glad, after all, that I never nag her about whipping cream coated fingers at the breakfast table.

  29. #43799

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    Unless the child is quite a bit older and trick or treating alone, I agree with L that a card isn't necessary.

    And yes, I am so glad Maiya doesn't want to be a princess! She asked once. In fact, as we were leaving Walgreens to go see you, Gretchen! I told her that a princess is just a girl that has to go to school a lot to learn how to take care of a whole country, but she can wear whatever she wants. "So, maybe to be a princess, you can wear your normal clothes, but have some extra school books!" She didn't bring it up again. Man, am I boring, or what?? But yup, I love the Peter costume. Though I would be more happy if he was a character from a book than TV. Yup, I'm weird!

    We never get anyone here, either. Didn't at my house growing up, either. I still buy candy, so I have an excuse to eat it!

    In good news, the costume is probably as done as it's going to be, and she will wear it!!! I'm proud. The hat SUCKS, and is way too big, so I have to bobby pin it to her head, because I'm too lazy to do it again and try to make it right.

    L, let me know what your schedule looks like when you know. We're pretty flexible. There are a few people we can go with if you'd rather we not tag along with you, but she definitely seems to want to go with you all, if you don't mind.
    Last edited by Krystal5; 10-11-2013 at 12:33 AM.



  30. #43800
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    I've been falling asleep with Mira, hence the silence.

    There are some fabulous ToT costume ideas here! Mira has fall festival in school, and may go ToT-ing with her cousins, so she has two costumes. One is Minnie Mouse, and the other is Renaissance princess. Of course, she refuses to wear the ornate bolero thing for the princess outfit, because it is scratchy. I'm hoping she'll keep it on long enough for a photo. Then this morning, she asked me if she could dress up as a bat! I said NO! Not only does she have two perfectly nice outfits, she also has a mom that can't sew to save her life, so yeah, NO!!!

    We don't get any ToT-ers here, since we live on a pretty sparse street, with a bunch of equally antisocial people. This year, Mira wants to, so we might go to where SIL lives, which is a development, and go with her cousins. We'll have to see if they're going, actually.

    L, the trip wasn't a hassle, actually. Except for the crying during random times (usually when we return to the hotel) about not wanting to sleep in the hotel, and sleeping in her bed, she was a trooper. Yeah, she was whiny at times, and she'd ask to be picked up, but she IS only 3, and after walking for 3 or 4 hours, her feet would hurt (as did mine, which wasn't helped much by hauling 30 pounds of load). After the first day, I started taking fruits with me, so that she'd have something to snack on in-between the meals. And I had enough junk food on hand to placate her, in an emergency. She still loves talking about the bidet, how it's used to wash the BUM (HAHAHAHAHA).

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