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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #43621
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    L, that is scary. To be honest, that sounds like a child who has been seeing or experiencing things he shouldn't. I haven't known a child to say that in play, ever. I would be very worried that he was being molested.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  2. #43622

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    Yeah, L, I'm glad you wrote the teacher a note so she (?) could be aware of the situation and put some space between the boy and C. I agree that that sounds iffy. It's so sweet that she told you she was giving him two more chances to behave, though. She's a darling. And so is her brother for watching her in the classroom. That really would be a big benefit.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  3. #43623
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    Everything worked out well. The teacher emailed me, cc'd to the principal, and let me know that he appreciated me letting him know and he had talked to the boy already who had confirmed asking her to sit on his hand but had denied some of the other things. He had a talk with him about private parts and not touching and moved him to a desk closer to him with a little more space and some more visibility. He was planning on talking to his mom. He also let Claire know she could talk to him if she had any further problems.

    Yes, I know that this behavior can indicate a sign of abuse, but I also know that it can be the first conclusion people leap to when it can not be the case. If he has been around older kids a lot, I can attest that the older kids at the nearby park are markedly unrestrained in their language and actions. And it recently occurred to me when I was thinking about all of this that by the time I was 7 I was a lot more worldly than my kids, since I was giving sex advice to 5th graders. I had seen grown-ups having sex (not my parents, but a friend's parents, while my friend and I spied on them during a sleepover) and had at least a couple of sit-down discussions about reproduction and sex with my mom. So when my sister played doctor with the neighbor boy around this same age, she was probably uncannily accurate too. DH suggested he could just be in that potty and bottom phase that a lot of kids get stuck in and that it wasn't necessarily sexual at all, but just the fascination with back ends.

    In any case, I feel better about passing this information on to the teacher and letting him know the situation. I have met the boy's mom a couple of times in passing, since her son went to the same Spanish-language immersion preschool as one of our neighbors and we actually had him over for a couple of hours years ago before we ever thought about grade school, when everyone was all playing together. His mother seems dedicated and involved in the brief interactions I've had with her.

    Anyway, not saying that to be in denial about the possibilities. Just knowing that it's not always the case and I want to keep an open mind. And I'm going to think a little harder about sex ed with my kids. I remember there have been a couple of resources posted throughout the years on APA. I can't believe they know about illegal drugs and what people look like when they're on them and how they shouldn't approach them but don't know what sex is. TBH, though, that's mostly because of our neighbor Crackie and not because I set out to deliberately inform them for some other reason.

    So I came here to post something else I found. I was reading some scientific articles about how math games (and educational games in general) are beneficial and can promote learning better than just exercises and learning, and came to this specific article about this specific game, for those of you who have kids in grades 2 and up:

    http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases...0708102921.htm

    http://www.monkeytalesgames.com/

    It looks awesome. I have the paid version of Starfall, which includes math and has some games, but this looks like a real video game and is very cool. I know that my twins have been feeling very confident with math and enjoy it, and I think it's partially because they've been having so much fun with Starfall and some of the at-home math games we do. I just bought the grade 2 game.


  4. #43624
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    Lydia, of course there are other possible explanations and even if something abusive is happening, it doesn't mean his mother is involved. But it is something we are trained to look out for ... If it is even a possible explanation, it must be ruled out before considering other explanations. The risks are too great, otherwise. People making excuses and considering alternatives has been the shelter for abusers throughout history.


    I came in here for a completely different reason. I saw this article and wanted to share it with you all. It discusses how polarizing reader comments affect a reader's perception of the truth of a scientific article. I can't help but think this effect is present on parenting websites as well as on debates about evolution: http://www.popsci.com/science/articl...g-our-comments
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  5. #43625

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    Thanks for the game link, L. I'm downloading the demo for Josh.
    I also noticed that Josh's teacher uses spellingcity.com printouts for homework and stuff! I continue to use that site to upload his spelling lists. I haven't decided if I want to pay so I can use the vocabulary section too. Do you pay for it?

  6. #43626
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    I just use the free section. I only use it for the spelling test, learning, and spelling games. We are not doing vocab tests in school yet and they are pretty good at vocab so far. I don't see the need for the paid section.

    Bad news on the math video game. They started playing it this afternoon and really enjoyed the tutorial part of it up until the part where they had to learn how to deal with a mummy, at which point everyone got freaked out and ran away in fear and said they couldn't play the game because it was too scary. I had no idea that a 2nd grade math video game would have attacking mummies in it. I think we have to shelve it.

    And Gwenn, I hear what you're saying, and I wasn't trying to make excuses but to say that I had considered all of the different possibilities. And I realize that a nice involved mom is not necessarily the primary offender, even if she is the first contact. I just think about all the times that the first comment about anything to do with a child touching someone or kissing someone or saying something inappropriate has to do with abuse, and all the times my kids have said something that was totally inappropriate that was not at all related to reality. However, I had actually thought about talking to the boy's mom myself about the issues, and decided it would be better to involve the teacher/school just in case there was something bigger afoot, and because it would be better to have a more present and watchful eye on the situation.

    Point in case about possibilities - the time that DD accidentally hit my DH when he was buckling her into the car seat and he said, "Ow, you just hit me," and she said really loudly, inadvertently reversing it, "DADDY HIT ME!" or how S. has been purposefully falling down and saying "OW, I'm hurt!" while collapsed on the floor a lot lately, and several times lately has been saying that we hurt him also. The night before last he hit me on the nose with a book and I removed it from his hands and put it to the side, and he started yelling and saying I hurt him. I'm just dreading the occasion he decides to do that in public in front of a concerned citizen. So far, I've been ignoring it. I don't like this trend.

    I did see that article, and I'm all in favor of it.


  7. #43627

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    Oh, I'm sorry they were scared! Josh played the demo and really liked it. He takes after me--he likes creepy stuff.

  8. #43628
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    L, I hope you don't think I'm being critical. You are doing the right thing. And of course kids say stuff - the sort of examples you gave go on all.the.time. I wouldn't get worried about a comment like "Daddy hit me" from a child with an obviously involved and loving family and no signs of physical abuse. But the situation you are describing with this little boy strikes me as very different and, while there may be an innocent explanation, it doesn't seem like a simple one. It bears watching.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  9. #43629

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    Hello all! Maiya went and got her first real cold in what feels like 6 months (though I could be wrong!), and then I went and caught it. We've been down for the count!

    But, since she's starting to feel better (and hopefully I'm not far behind), hopefully I'll get a recording of her trying to say SLP soon, hah.

    L, glad you wrote to the teacher. I agree that that kind of behavior, especially on such an ongoing basis, could be a red flag. Hopefully it's nothing, though. I'm glad it's not bothering C too much!

    Maiya hasn't done much of the "you're hurting me!" thing, but her big thing now is "MOMMA IS *FORCING* ME!!!!" Huh? No idea where she got that, must have been from school. And usually, it's when I'm NOT forcing her to do something, just suggesting. I'm sure the more embarrassing-in-public ones will start soon!

    Oh, though she HAS told many people "My momma is trying to make a baby!" Luckily, not many people understand her, hah.

    Speaking of making a baby, tomorrow is the day. I don't POAS anymore, just get a beta. I'm like 99.9% sure the answer will be "less than 5", as always. That, of course, is the "negative" response. I just don't feel any symptoms, plus the last 11 or so haven't worked. Ah well. I know I'll have a mourning period, but I keep telling myself, "Now we can go to Japan!" "Now I can eat and drink what I want, and take any meds I want!" "Now I can go back to work!" So... Trying to look on the bright side. Like I said before, I think emotionally I'm ready to give this up. Doesn't mean it will be easy, though!

    But, to distract myself tomorrow while I wait for the test results to come back, I think we're going to go out and have some fun. If the weather is nice enough, we'll probably rent a boat. If not, we'll probably go to a museum. Either way, hopefully it'll be a fun day!

    And THEN I get to deal with what should have been my baby's first birthday, just two days later. The problem is, Maiya will be in school, so I'll be alone. That's gonna be a rough day. Ah well. At least, with giving up on fertility treatments, I can just process it, mourn my loss, and move on. That brings some peace in and of itself, ya know?

    All righty! Didn't mean to get so whiney and depressing, seesh. In good news, Halloween season is starting, and I have so many fun things I want to take Maiya to! Most of the pumpkin patches around here are going to open soon, can't wait to take her to them. Any locals want to go on some adventures with us? Pumpkin patches, Sulfur Creek's Unhaunted house, trick or treating at the SPCA, Boo at the Zoo... Most of these are on the same day, of course, so we can't do them all, but I want to try, haha.

    Last year, Maiya REFUSED to dress up. This year, though, she seems ready to wear a costume! She's told me she wants to be a bird, but then she tells me she wants to be a skunk (costume we have) or a "cow" (it's actually a cowgirl costume, but she thinks it's just a girl cow...) that we got from L. I told her since we'll go multiple places, she can be more than just one! I'm excited. Halloween has never been my favorite holiday, but I think this year it might be, just because there is so much more fun stuff to do with a 3 year old!
    Last edited by Krystal5; 09-30-2013 at 08:58 PM.



  10. #43630

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    Oh WHOOPS.

    AFTER posting, I noticed that my FF ticker tells me that TODAY was 12 dpo. I should have had my blood work TODAY! Oops. Too late now, though.

    You can tell I don't care like I used to, losing track of time like that!



  11. #43631
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    S. and I are free during the school day tomorrow, if you want to do something. If you want some privacy to celebrate or mourn, we understand. But I have extra passes to get in to lots of places nearby (Chabot, Lindsay, Cal Academy) and the weather is supposed to be nice tomorrow as well and we haven't seen you in a while. I can't help but hope we can help you celebrate, but I want to be there for you if we can help in any way.

    We went for a 3-4 mile hike yesterday from the top of Redwood to the bottom and saw these amazing masses of ladybugs all around the trails. It was crazy. I had ladybugs everywhere. I even got bitten or pinched by one that got trapped in my pants, and up until yesterday I had no idea they could bite.










  12. #43632
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    Wow that is a lot of lady bugs! I wish that we had normal ones here but we have the Asian ones. http://www2.ca.uky.edu/entomology/entfacts/ef416.asp

    Nasty smelling icky bugs. Not so bad at my current place but my old place we had to really spray the house or would find a tiny opening and suddenly we had like 50 in the house. Blech.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  13. #43633

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    Aw, L, that's so sweet of you, thank you! But Maiya just woke up, so we probably won't be out in time for you to be back to pick up C and R. Though if she ever finds out that you were free and we didn't get together, she may not forgive me, hah!

    After Maiya is fed (which will begin if she ever gets out of the bathroom... How can she have so much fun in there???), I'm off to get my blood work. Though I am so crampy this morning, even with my progesterone, that I wonder why I'm going to waste the gas. Ah well, I need to know for sure.

    Those lady bugs are amazing, wow!! I never knew they could bite, either. Ouch!



  14. #43634
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    Janet

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  15. #43635
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    Janet I am so happy to hear that you are at peace - either way, I know that has to be hard

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  16. #43636

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    Hugs, Janet. Thinking of you.

    We are up for some Halloween adventures, although now that Noe's in school it'll have to be weekends or late afternoons. I haven't sent out the invites yet, but we're having a little party for Noe's bday on Oct. 26 and of course you're all invited. I think we're planning a costume party, since it's so close to the 31st.

    L, lawd but that's a lot of ladybugs! I'd heard they could bite but never known anyone who had experienced it until now. Did it leave a mark, or just pinch?
    Speaking of bugs, when is tarantula time in the hills? Isn't it soon? We really want to bring the girls out for a hike to try to see some.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  17. #43637
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    Wait a minute, you are going to look for giant hairy spiders for fun?

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  18. #43638

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Wait a minute, you are going to look for giant hairy spiders for fun?
    Heck yeah!!!
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  19. #43639

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    Hey Janet! Love to see you poke your head in here! My brother has always insisted that ladybugs bite but I've never experienced it myself. That's a whole lotta ladybugs. M and the kids found a snake today and they put it in one of the critter cages. Savana made the official count and we have 19 critters. That includes the fish of course, and the chickens, but we also have tadpoles, caterpillars, and now the snake. Savana and Kai have been telling me everything there is to know about snakes, things I did not know. Thank you, Kratt brothers! Like Erin, my enter key does not work on the forums. Sorry!

  20. #43640
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    It is tarantula season. You can DIY most easily. It looks like most of the scheduled tarantula hikes on Mt. Diablo are full already. It's been going on for a while already.

    http://mdia.org/site/mdia-event-calendar

    Most of the links are broken here, but there are a lot of good locations for tarantulas: http://www.sfbaywildlife.info/species/tarantula.htm

    My ladybug just pinched. Didn't leave a mark. Interestingly, I had also had this annoying feeling where my backpack was rubbing on me, kind of like a tag that was sharp, but not where any tag would be. I kept trying to adjust it and then I finally realized with a jump that a bee had been stuck between my back and the lower corner of my backpack and that was what was rubbing and irritating my back. I had the bee between my fingers (I had originally thought I was just pulling out a sticker or piece of grass) and threw it down on the ground with a gasp. I don't know if it actually stung me or if it was just irritating me through friction of sharp body parts. I probably hurt it more than it hurt me, and it didn't end up leaving a mark either, but it was a little horrifying knowing that a bee had been trapped on me for 45 minutes or so.

    I'm very sad that our 26th is incredibly overbooked already. That seems to be the day of pre-Halloween festivities galore. All of the schools my kids go to are having their huge Halloween parties, pancake breakfasts, haunted houses, and carnivals that day. We are going to be out in costume from morning until evening.

    S. stayed up until 10 PM last night and has been crying at the drop of a hat all day today due to lack of sleep. Didn't have the right cereal. Wanted to eat my yogurt. Didn't like my yogurt. Wanted me to eat it instead. I didn't eat it fast enough. Wah here. Wah there. Everywhere a wah wah. Last night when he wasn't going to sleep I told him he needed to try to go to sleep because if he didn't get enough sleep and was too cranky, we wouldn't be able to go out and play with people and do fun things tomorrow. I told him I was actually trying to set up something to do and couldn't do it because I kept having to go back to the bedroom to help him. DH was with him for a while and left because he couldn't deal with it, and thought S. would do better if he was just left alone to try to sleep, and after a short while the baby monitor was silent. We assumed he fell asleep. Nope. Instead, he'd quietly tiptoed into the twins' room and started setting up a buffet in the play kitchen. He came out to the living room about an hour later and started asking for a drink and the bathroom and more stuff, and toys and fake food were strewn all about. I am always surprised that he can be so quiet at times, when he is so loud most of the time.

    Janet, I've been thinking about you all day. I was going to suggest that you come over here and hang out and play for a while after your bloodwork, but the way S. is acting I think I don't want to put you in his firing range and also don't want him to think that he can be tired and cranky and mean and still have a fun playdate.


  21. #43641
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    Janet, big hugs.

    Gretchen, better you than me. I am a true arachnophobe so the one thing I have to be thankful for regarding my infertility is that I will never have to take my child on a tarantula walk. Y'all have fun, now.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  22. #43642

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    We get pretty small spiders around here and Josh caught one in one of those bug jars with the air holes on top. It was probably a half inch across and he said "I think it's a tarantula." If only he knew how big they are! but I'm not going to tell him, because then he'll make me google for pictures. LOL

    He also caught one of those Asian beetles. He likes to catch and watch them for a while and then let them go.

  23. #43643

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    Our snake escaped, which I'm secretly happy about. I hate when a creature is just spending all his time trying to escape. makes me sad. His cage was outside, btw, if that wasn't clear.

    Thinking about you, Janet.
    Last edited by Bridget; 10-01-2013 at 06:45 PM.

  24. #43644

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    Aww. I'd feel bad about that too.

  25. #43645

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    TARANTULAS!!! Yes, we are DEFINITELY going this year, too. Maiya loves them and is quite eager to go back. We were going to go earlier, but then they had the fires. Then I started the quadruple dosage of meds and that knocked me out, then we both got sick. So, yeah, haven't made it yet. Maybe we should all go together!

    I went through all this effort to post our pic from last year, then I read that you are a true arachnophobe, Mandy, so I will spare you! It's a pic of Maiya with one on her knee. She's thrilled!!

    Thank you all for the love and support.

    The story of my day:

    As I mentioned, I felt very crampy this morning. But I went through the motions anyway. Put in my progesterone, got my blood work. While out, I could feel something down there, but that's not unusual, progesterone is messy. And this may be TMI, but I only go to the bathroom about three times a day, once in the morning, once in the evening, and once at night. So after I called Kaiser and got my results (I don't even need to tell you all, I'm sure, but it was "less than 5", as always), I went to the bathroom. I HAD BEEN SPOTTING. What the heck?? Even on progesterone??? Not cool.

    For basically her entire life, Maiya has been really wanting a baby in the family. Of course, she is really just my mirror, and was just reflecting my own wants. She's been with me through nearly this whole thing, even more so than my husband has been. So of course, I had to tell her the results of the blood work, and what that means. I was worried that she would have a bit of a melt down, since, whether she actually wants something or not, she is very sensitive and has a hard time handling anything not going perfectly.

    Instead, she responded "That's ok, Momma. I have all my friends to play with, anyway." It's like, she knew that my big concern is that she would be lonely. IS lonely, really. At least I can believe she will be ok, after all.

    Shortly after that conversation, I remembered my attempt from a week ago! Here is Mandy's (and her "teacher's") TRUE title! She wouldn't do it all at once, but with some guidance, she got it all out. The first few times, she refused to even to even try, hah.



    Man, wish I could change that thumbnail. She looks like some kind of creepy alien!

    L, sorry about S. It worked out well, though. We ended up going out on the lake after all. It was perfect, because what I wanted was a distraction, and there wasn't even phone reception, so I couldn't have called if I wanted to! But we met a friend, who has two kids, and between the three kids, I was kept busy and happy. And yeah, we were there from 1:30 to 4:30. Thanks for the offer! Maybe next time you guys are home we can go out somewhere fun. I'll have you know that in pretty much all her stories now a days, you all (C, R, S, and yes, even you! Even when *I* can't be in the story because I'm "at school", you are often there, hah) show up at some point or another.



  26. #43646

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    I'm sorry, Janet. Even being at peace doesn't mean it's easy. I admire your equanimity and ability to roll with the punches.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  27. #43647
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    How sweet is Maiya? I'm so glad she can be there to share your journey with you. Big, big hugs. Please feel free to vent if you need it.

    And that video is ADORABLE. Oh, and I owe you for refraining to post the tarantula pics. I'm actually slightly better than I used to be, but back when I was a child I had a hard time touching the page of a book that had the word spider printed on it. Seriously. It all stemmed from the time I was playing and a spider dropped off the ceiling and landed on my shoulder. I was about Maiya's age and I remember it being the size of my entire shoulder. It can't really have been that big - I don't think we had spiders that size in New York (or I had really tiny shoulders) - but it made that big of an impression on me. Literally I've never gotten over it.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  28. #43648
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    Refraining to post? Refraining from posting? Are both correct? I'm suddenly grammatically confused.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  29. #43649
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Refraining to post? Refraining from posting? Are both correct? I'm suddenly grammatically confused.
    Switch it out with abstain or hold back or sit out and you'll see that 'from' is the only preposition that makes sense there.

    Janet, I am so sorry that there wasn't a positive announcement today. I love what you said about Maiya though, and I'm glad that you spent your day surrounded by beauty and friends and not screaming and tears (like you would have in my house). We do miss you guys too.

    I used to get locked out of our house in 6th grade in El Paso and climb up into the attic and have dozens of black widows crawl out of the cracks. I hated that. I don't like spiders, but I can pet a tarantula. I get the creeps from spiders in my house, but I can sort of halfway deal with them if they are in their own territory. DH brought home a tarantula a few years ago from the tarantula migrations, because they kept crossing the road and slowing down his commute, so he caught one and put it in a jar for the kids to see. It lived in the jar for a few weeks until I made him let it go because I felt so sorry for it.

    I once was getting cuddly with my boyfriend in SE Asia and a gigantic cockroach dropped out of the ceiling onto his shoulders and he ran screaming around the room and that freaked both of us out to the point where we put our clothes on and forgot about anything remotely pleasant or sexy. Something about getting attacked from above by insects is particularly horrifying.


  30. #43650
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    Yes, you are right. It was the dropping unannounced from the ceiling part that made it so awful.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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