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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #43441

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    No
    He has a son who is 22, about to have a 2nd baby. Super long story short is that dbf missed J's childhood. After Savana was born I really wanted her to meet her bro so we flew him to HI. So, since then we have seen him only 4 times. It kills me, but it's not my place to push things, though I have. Every time we see him, it's great. Him and I really get along well. He is a bit of a tortured soul but I can understand, in spite of all dbf' s protests that it wasn't his fault, he grew up likely thinking his dad didn't give a ****. It has to be hard to heal from that. So when he leaves after his visits, he pretty much disappears. He won't answer calls or texts but will randomly call or text telling us how much he loves us along with a dozen reasons he hasn't called (his phone is "broken" a lot). And we haven't even met his son. His break up with mom was ugly and custody is complicated. I'm sure we don't have the full story. I feel mostly like I wish he knew he could be genuine without judgement, at least from me. I hope that someday he will be around more. His little brothers and sisters worship.the ground he walks on. I think underneath the bravado, denial,substance abuse, and occasional laziness, there's a pretty spectacular man in there. I'm hoping he realizes that soon, especially with another 'lil one on the way.
    And I WANT to meet the BABIES!
    Last edited by Bridget; 08-17-2013 at 08:52 PM.

  2. #43442

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    Yes you are, Chrissy!
    Bridget, I'm sorry you guys don't have a closer relationship with him.

  3. #43443

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    Aw, hugs, Bridget. That's a tough age anyway, I think, for family relationships. Young adults are trying so hard to get along in the world, their families can sort of slip away in their priorities. Even more so if you don't live close by. My brother is 12 years younger than me, and while he was in his early 20s we lived in the same city for a while but still rarely saw each other and he would forget to respond to calls, emails, etc. He was just so busy with the separation process and living his own new adult life. Now that he's 27, he calls and emails a lot more, and makes a lot more of an effort to hang with us and with my parents.
    Sounds like J has a lot of conflicted feelings and things he's working through, and I hope that as he gets older he realizes how much benefit your family can bring to his life. I also hope he realizes how awesome a stepparentish/friend you are! How far away does he live? Too far for babysitting, I guess, huh? That's how I make sure I get to see my grandnieces ... free babysitting.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  4. #43444

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    He is in AZ. He babysat the kids one night in a hotel when he was visiting and we went to a family gathering of mine that was out of town. All of my cousins were going to the local pub for drinks and he was pumped to babysit. When we got back, I was disappointed to see a lot of empty beer bottles on the counter. I didn't specifically ask him not to drink but that seems in poor judgement. So, yeah. I totally agree he is at a difficult age and I am nothing but hopeful that we'll continue to build a relationship with him.

  5. #43445
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Whoah ... DH is looking through his step-brother's list of Facebook friends. Apparently a couple of SBIL's friends are girls DH dated in high school. The creepy part is one of them is a grandmother! I can't decide if that makes me old or young. Either way, DH and I are laughing about it.
    It is kind of strange to think of someone in our peer groups being grandparents when we haven't been been parents yet. I don't think DH and I are there yet that we know of...but I do see some on FB and I'm like holy cow do they have OLD kids and if the girls that got pg in HS had kids that got pg in HS...they would be like my age and grandparents. It's weird to think of when I'm still trying to get a baby let alone a grandbaby. DH's mom, my dad are in 60's and not a grandkid yet...my mom is still in her 50's.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  6. #43446

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    Hugs, Bridget. I hope you get a chance to see the babies! and that as he grows, he matures. Parenthood will certainly help!
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  7. #43447

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    Noe's at her first full day of preschool. She was psyched. I hope she's having a good day. She doesn't even bother to say goodbye to me - we had three orientation days last week and she just runs ahead into the classroom without a second look. Which is great. I love that she is so focused out in the world. I miss her, though! Can't wait to hear how the whole full day went. They are trying to get her to nap (they said all three year olds go to the nap room) and if they are successful, I will be shocked since she stopped napping when she turned about 2. But if they can do it, more power to them.
    Oh -- and remember how I posted a while back about how I was worried about her potty issues going to school? Well, writing it down here must have been the trick, because from that very day that I posted about it, she hasn't had one accident. So, since it was a sort of short-term thing, I'm wondering if she had something else going on, either GI or developmental. But she's been fine for a month now, so chances are there will be no issues at school. Hooray!
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  8. #43448
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    Hope she has a wonderful day in school, Gretchen. That's pretty much the opposite of how things went with Mira, since she is sloooow to warm up. Thankfully, she has been fine now, with a mostly stable summer.

  9. #43449

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    This is a copy of the email I just sent to dh after picking her up from school:

    I was waiting anxiously at the door at 3 with all of the other parents. Noe went slowly to her teacher when they called her name. Her teacher looked at her with concern and talked to her for a bit, then gave her a hug and a reassuring smile. As Noe came out the door to me, her head was down, face sad, eyes red. She stopped at my legs, looked up at me, and her little face crumpled. I picked her up and she held tight to me, her face buried in my neck. I asked her what was wrong, but all she would do was shake her head. She held tight to me all the way through the throngs of parents and children, past the upper and lower elementary classrooms, and into the path between the school and our street. Still she would not speak, though she raised her head and looked around with tears streaking down her cheeks. As we neared our street, I stopped.
    "Can you tell me what's wrong now?" I asked her. Worried that she'd hated her first day, that it had indeed been too long, that she'd missed me, that some kid had been mean to her. Finally, in a small voice, she said, "I don't want to leave home."

    Aw, I thought. Well, the honeymoon stage was sure short. "You want to be at home?" I asked.
    "No," she said. "I don't want to LEAVE to home! I want to stay at school FOREVER!" Fresh burst of tears.

    Oh, whew. Ok, then.
    I suppose we should try not to let our feelings be hurt that our child wants to live at school and never come home?

    *On another note, she ate almost her whole lunch, and according to her, she actually slept at naptime. Slept. At naptime. The child who has never once voluntarily napped if not in a lap or in the car, and who stopped napping altogether almost two years ago.
    Mind blown...
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  10. #43450

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    PS. I'm not above a little incentive to make sure she's happy to come home, too, so when we came in the door I gave her a bowl of ice cream. With sprinkles.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  11. #43451

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    Awwwww! She is awesome! It's wonderful that she is so self assured and independent! Funny thing about kids napping in daycare. So many parent would tell me I could give it a shot but their kid doesn't nap and I never had kids that stayed awake! There must be something novel about napping somewhere else with all your friends. Like a big sleepover.

    Did you guys see that thing circulating on fb where the daycare workers posted pics of kids on instances making fun of them?? So disgusting. One of the parents just happened to see the picture of her son and they were making fun of his speech delay. Poor woman was broken hearted. You have to be a special kind of evil to take a job at a daycare and be cruel to children.

  12. #43452

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    I did see that, Bridget. So sad!

    I'm glad Noe had a good first day!

  13. #43453
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    Awww, it's exactly as you thought, Gretchen. You knew she'd love school. That's awesome!

  14. #43454
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    It is kind of strange to think of someone in our peer groups being grandparents when we haven't been been parents yet. I don't think DH and I are there yet that we know of...but I do see some on FB and I'm like holy cow do they have OLD kids and if the girls that got pg in HS had kids that got pg in HS...they would be like my age and grandparents. It's weird to think of when I'm still trying to get a baby let alone a grandbaby. DH's mom, my dad are in 60's and not a grandkid yet...my mom is still in her 50's.
    Yes, that's what I'm getting at. We're the same age and my children will be younger than your grandchildren. Does that make me feel old or young? I can't figure it out.

    Gretchen, I'm glad Noe did so well today. Don't take it personally. I admit I wouldn't be above an ice cream bribe, either.

    I did read that article about the daycare photos. That's disgusting.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  15. #43455

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    For my dog expert friends, we have the opportunity to POSSIBLY (still thinking-pup is way too small yet) become the owners to a male purebred Yorkie/Pomeranian puppy. Any information you can give me on these breeds or this particular mix? We will be signing up for puppy training classes as a family no matter what IF we decide to do this. We are totally in the beginning stages of considering.

  16. #43456
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    I'm so impressed with Noe. Congrats on a great first day at school.

    S. still naps at school, too, and the twins did too even though they gave up napping long before they started there. The teachers said peer pressure is an amazing thing. Eating things they wouldn't normally eat at home is something else kids tend to do.

    I'm sorry I haven't been posting much in here. I've been having crazy busy days. Up at 4:30, working all day, chores until 10 PM. Working today. Still planning on going camping the next few days if anyone wants to join me.


  17. #43457

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    I wish we could join you, L! We just bought a scamper off criaigslist and I am dying to use it.

  18. #43458
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    Hello, my heathen friends! I'm back from glamping! We had a lot of fun and will definitely go back next summer.

    I'll try to log on to the laptop tonight to do a proper catch up and fill you in with the gossip from camping with two other families.

    I'm glad Noe enjoyed school! I can remember picking Travis up from school in his first year of pre school andhe got in to the routine of asking, "Where's my chocolate biscuit (cookie)?"

  19. #43459
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    With small kids, I would not get a yorkie/pom mix. You would be looking at something like probably in the 5-7 pound range as an adult. As a puppy, they will need to be feed tiny amounts many times a day. It's way to easy to accidently trip over a dog that tiny and a trip could kill it. My dogs were like 5 lbs when I brought them home as puppies and it was HARD having a dog that small under your feet. It was much better when they got closer to 10 lbs and over.
    And honestly I also see training a puppy as a nightmare with three kids. If it was just one of the older kids, I would do it. Or maybe even both the older. Or just the the little guy. But all three, it would be hard. It's hard enough getting two adults to be consistent in training and after taking two classes with Molly, the dogs with the most issues were the ones that had kids coming to the class.

    My aunt has had a Pom and he was really a cute little guy. She had him long before the kids. The yorkie she has now has been nothing but trouble. Hard to train, way special feeding schedule and he's got a lot of health issues with his breathing. She also has a teacup Pom but I haven't met her yet. I have heard that she is a yappy little thing. My parents love dogs and don't care much for my aunts and kind of dread being asked to babysit. Even taking them outside is a major pain as they have to really watch for hawks wanting to get them and eat them.

    I think most of the other ladies with dogs have bigger dogs and like bigger dogs. I like them smaller, but not THAT small!

    If I had kids your age and my DH was agreeable to a little bigger dog, I would go for something like this http://www.muellerswoodvillekennels....epadoodles.php

    My MIL is watching and waiting until she moves but she wants one of the havatons from there. After Cosmo, I am thinking we will probably get another cockapoo. I have had three and all have been great family dogs.
    Last edited by Cosmosmom; 08-20-2013 at 08:49 AM.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  20. #43460

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    Thanks, Jennifer. That is great advice and I will take it.

  21. #43461
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    Yeah I have been looking at little dogs for my MIL....she's older and wants something she can easily pick up and can have in an apartment if needed. great for her now...for her needs and lifestyle. But when my DH was a grade school age boy....she had a springer spaniel. Decent sized dog with a lot of energy and sturdy enough for playing with a 9 yr old boy.

    I remember my aunt having to feed her little tiny dog like five tiny pieces of food....many times a day. Even Molly was small enough when we first had her that she had to feed five times a day for a while and we had to soften the kibble with water. Drove me crazy trying to get that in that many times a day and that was only for a short while.

    with small kids, I would look for a dog that is 20 lbs or more as an adult.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  22. #43462
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    I wish we could join you, L! We just bought a scamper off criaigslist and I am dying to use it.
    Oh, that totally sounds like what I have been doing. Halfway between camping and running around after my kids.


  23. #43463
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    Bridget, yay for more babies! I would say the early 20's are definitely hard for people in general and it sounds like he has extra baggage to work through as well. I, like you, feel the same about my brother in regards to the awesome man that I know is somewhere under his insecurities and alcohol/drug abuse. I'm just patiently waiting til he finds that person. I figure I have another good, hm... 10 years? of waiting He is great with Nolan though and *knows* where I draw the line where that is concerned. We don't see each other much unfortunately, but like I said, one day, he'll catch up

    How great that Noe enjoyed her first day so much! I think that is fantastic, she is such a sweet confident little girl, I can't imagine how proud you must be

    Yesterday was my VBAC consult. The OB I met with was dreadful, but that's over and one with and we can move forward with the HBAC as planned (as long as everything continues to progress smoothly). Little guy is measuring exactly in the 50th percentile for everything and is 'approximately' 3lbs 15oz

    On another note.... my mom is moving in with us Her and her man are going to be living separately. They are on their 5th(ish) move since she moved out of my house what a year or so ago (I am horrible with time frames). They are due to get out on Sunday and she literally had no where to go. She never asked to come back to my house (I do believe I made it clear she wasn't welcome after the way it ended before), but when it comes down to it - she's my mom.... What else am I supposed to do....

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  24. #43464
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    Cristina, I'm sorry about your mom. I know that was not something you wanted at all.

    Bridget, I agree I wouldn't do a Yorkie/Pom mix with littles. In addition to what Jennifer mentioned, little dogs can be quite agressive because they are more afraid of being stepped on, etc. Also - the hair!!! Yorkies are often considered one of the most difficult dogs to maintain, coat-wise, with Poms not far behind. You are either going to be grooming constantly or you will have a little rat's nest disguised as a dog. I doubt you want to groom a puppy daily in addition to everything else you do.

    I do like bigger dogs, but I wouldn't want a Rottie puppy with a child S's size, either. He's just too big and no awareness of his body in space. Look for a dog in the 20-70 lb range, although you might do a Shih Tzu if you want to go smaller. I had one when I was an older child and he was the most laid back animal ever. Otherwise, something like a beagle, a retriever, a spaniel, etc.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 08-20-2013 at 02:23 PM.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  25. #43465
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    I always thought little yappy dogs were that way because well, owners let them get away with it. The whole small dog syndrome thing. Even I admit to doing some of that with my girls. I don't stop Molly from putting her front paws on me because well it stops me from having to bend over as far and it's cute.....though I do expect if I say no down, she gets DOWN. But I wouldn't be happy if I walked in the door and say a dog sized like Marcus greeted me that way.

    I just love these brittany spaniels that live in my neighborhood. Such nice dogs....but i woudln't get one myself because they need mega exercise. Their dad walks them daily several times a day....Cosmo likes that dog but Molly is a bit scared...the dad lets Chip come over and say hi. I am just lucky that Molly is a pretty chill little dog and likes to lay around and sleep a lot.

    I would suggest too...with the chickens you want to be careful of dogs. Many hunting dogs are bird dogs and I have hard from others...being I'm kind of rural and know a lot of people who are even more so...that bird dogs often can be chicken killers.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  26. #43466
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    Good point. I have no doubt M would kill a chicken and he isn't a hunting dog.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  27. #43467
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    I only thought of it because my coworker was talking about his BIL who had 14 chickens and lost some to hawks and others to the lab he decided to get. My sister has a lab mix and he's gotten baby bunnies and a gopher.

    Now my dogs....I think Cosmo would bark and Molly would bark until it got close...at that point she would probably run away. LOL neither is much of a hunter even though they are both poodles mixed with cocker spaniel for Cosmo and beagle for Molly. Their version of hunting is sniffing and telling me something is there. And maybe chasing a moth.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  28. #43468
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    One thing that hasn't been brought up. Little dogs are exponentially harder to reliably toilet train than larger dogs. It can be done, but with being right on top of the dog for a good 6 months. I would think that it would be challenging with the kids around. IMO, the best things for families are older dogs that are already house trained, with known temperaments. That way, you'll know if they are good with cats, dogs, chicken, kids, etc.

  29. #43469

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    Yeah, we were thinking small for the sake of the chickens. Lots to consider. We shall wait.

  30. #43470
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    There are many, many, many small dogs that are hunting dogs. Lots in the terrier family. They would NOT be small animal safe, including cats and chicken. Considering all the two and four legged you have to worry about, in your shoes, I'd worry primarily about temperament, and then everything else, including size. Pan, my Great Dane, was completely safe with every living creature. She had no prey drive to speak of. By contrast, my friend's 10 pound Miniature Pinscher, is good with dogs, but would kill cats, rabbits, frogs, whatever he can catch.

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