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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #43411
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    Yes, I realized that it was kind of a self-fulfilling prophesy after DD hid behind me for a long time when meeting strangers and I had to give them some kind of reason for not coming out to say hello if they wondered. It wasn't like she was just having a bad day or needed a nap or needed to warm up. She really was shy and people called her shy without me having to say anything. But then she started thinking of herself as shy, and even after she began to exhibit tendencies of being gregarious in some situations, and demonstrating leadership qualities, she would still hang back and call herself shy in other situations. I'd remind her of all the times she wasn't shy, and say that I wouldn't really call her shy anymore, but maybe she used to be shy and it's hard to get out of the habit.

    It's hard to avoid assigning characteristics to our children when talking to people. I remember discussing their eating habits and how my twins wouldn't eat the same foods as each other, and then DS seemed to actually take it upon himself to make a point of disliking any food that DD liked. Even macaroni and cheese, which he sometimes likes, cannot be the same brand as hers, or yogurt cannot be the same flavor.

    I can't remember if I've told you that the one situation where DD still tends to be shy is when we go pick up S. at the preschool where the twins used to attend. She hates going back there, and she can't really explain why. The teachers are always delighted to see her, and she still has a few friends there, but sometimes she hides behind me. Sometimes if she's getting really balky I hide behind her instead and tell her I'm feeling really shy and can't talk to anyone. It gets embarrassing for her and she tries to pick me up and make me talk to people, but I tell her I'm feeling too shy and then she starts feeling like she needs to do all the talking. The teachers are awesome about following the cues and talking to her about how I must be feeling a little shy and it's okay, not everybody needs to talk every day.


  2. #43412

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    I don't think anything about a child's personality needs to be explained. Nobody needs to know in advance if a child is shy or talkative or anything, in my opinion. We don't do that with adults..."Hey this is my friend Kate, she's really quiet!" You'd look at someone funny if they introduced you like that!

    Hope you feel better soon Jennifer!

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Oh my goodness I can't stand it when people say their kids are shy right in front of them.
    I'll have to admit I've never thought about it making the kid uncomfortable I definitely could see how it would though. To me, a term such a shy, doesn't have a negative connotation, but I could see it coming across that way to a kid who thought that there was something wrong with them for being that way. I'll have to bring this up to DH. His family is so insensitive in this and I'm sure were not nice about to him as a kid.

    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Mira is slow to warm up, but not really shy. I'm not sure how to let others know that, without putting a negative spin on it. I usually end up saying something along the lines of 'Wait till she gets going. She'll talk your ear off' or something along those lines.
    What's even more sad is that it *needs* to be said. I think it is pretty apparent when a child *is* shy, so why treat it like its something that is unsual or something that should be ashamed of? People baffle me.

    Generally DH and I involve ourselves in whatever the social situation is and that will give Nolan time to get comfortable. When we took him to the water park for the first time, we went with a friend of mine from work and her son. Her son is SUPER sociable and just went out and did his own thing. DH or I had to be out there with Nolan the entire time, or he would just stand there and stare at all the other kids play. It is just who he is and that's OK and it frustrates me with other parents are like 'OMG is he not going to paly with the other kids' or 'Is he OK' or I get 'Wow you need to take him around other kids more often' Like seriously???

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  4. #43414
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    One of the problems I run into, and this might be cultural, is people associating being shy/having starting trouble with being unfriendly. I've had people ask outright why Mira is not being friendly, and I know for a fact that it hurts the feelings of some of the family members when she acts like she is their best friend one time, but still acts like they're strangers, the next time she meets them. The whole thing is made worse by the fact that my brother's son is extremely gregarious and outgoing, and hasn't met a single person who isn't his bestest friend.

  5. #43415
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I don't think anything about a child's personality needs to be explained. Nobody needs to know in advance if a child is shy or talkative or anything, in my opinion. We don't do that with adults..."Hey this is my friend Kate, she's really quiet!" You'd look at someone funny if they introduced you like that!

    Hope you feel better soon Jennifer!
    My introduction would be more like "Hey this is my friend Christina, she's really hormonal and bit*hy"

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  6. #43416
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    Thanks Kate. I should have probably stayed home but oh well. I'm here now. And I cannot leave early as I had DH drive me and he's sleeping right now and I don't want to wake up him to come get me unless I was practically dying or something. Though even if I had my van, the shuttle doesn't run this time of day and it's a long hike back to my can from my desk.

    Hey Suja...DH and I have started watching West Wing and I asked him this morning if watching that made him want to take a trip there and he said, yeah kinda. But worries about not seeing everything he wants to see. Did you say that a lot of the museums are free? Hmmm, maybe if we don't have a baby next year and get an ok tax return........

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  7. #43417
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    One of the problems I run into, and this might be cultural, is people associating being shy/having starting trouble with being unfriendly. I've had people ask outright why Mira is not being friendly, and I know for a fact that it hurts the feelings of some of the family members when she acts like she is their best friend one time, but still acts like they're strangers, the next time she meets them. The whole thing is made worse by the fact that my brother's son is extremely gregarious and outgoing, and hasn't met a single person who isn't his bestest friend.
    I have been dealing with this with DHs family as well. His mom, especially, seem to get offended when Nolan is uncomfortable around them or when he takes a while to warm up when we go over to their houses. My only saving grace is that DHs grandma (who raised him) has been very vocal about how much Nolan is like DH and how sweet he is and how 'her boy' doesn't have to talk to anybody 'he don't want too' She drives me crazy, but she does adore Nolan

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  8. #43418
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    Mine should be, I'm Jennifer and shy at first but just ask me about my dogs and I will talk non-stop.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  9. #43419
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Hey Suja...DH and I have started watching West Wing and I asked him this morning if watching that made him want to take a trip there and he said, yeah kinda. But worries about not seeing everything he wants to see. Did you say that a lot of the museums are free? Hmmm, maybe if we don't have a baby next year and get an ok tax return........
    YES!!! The Smithsonian Museums are ALL free. That includes:

    The Air and Space Museum (The annex, which is near me, and holds some of the really big things, like the space shuttle, has a $12 parking fee)

    Natural History Museum

    American History Museum

    American Art Museum, as well as Portrait Gallery, Renwick Gallery, Sackler Gallery, Hirshhorn, and Freer

    Even the National Zoo is free.

    Then, there are all the monuments, Arlington Cemetary, and National Cathedral, and you can tour the Capitol building, if you make advance reservations.

    If you come in the Spring, there will be National Cherry Blossom Festival, including The Kite Festival.

    Pretty much all the museums and monuments are located in the same general area (Capitol building to Lincoln Memorial is a 2 mile walk, IIRC), and you can take the metro to get there.

  10. #43420
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    Oh all that stuff sounds cool and right up our alley. Though when we were chatting this morning, I said well there is the smithsonian, the lincoln thing and the really tall thing....the names just slipped my mind but he gave me this look, really, you said really tall thing? LOL
    Would love to come in the spring for that....assume that is a popular time to visit. We have almost done this trip twice and decided against it for whatever reason...I think once was money and once was not enough vacation time. I remember looking up the train schedules because we were thinking of taking that instead of driving or flying.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  11. #43421
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    Yeah, that would be a really popular time to visit. The problem with summer in DC is the heat and the humidity. We are enjoying some beautiful weather right now, but it is totally not the norm. Fall and Spring are much nicer, more pleasant. Y'all are welcome to crash at our place, when you do come. I can drop you off at the train station and pick you back up, or you can drive there and park (and get to experience the nation's worst traffic, LOL!).

    Forgot to mention. The Holocaust Museum is also free. But, you need to get timed passes, March-August. You can book online, though, so it isn't a huge hassle.
    Last edited by Suja; 08-15-2013 at 11:10 AM.

  12. #43422
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I don't think anything about a child's personality needs to be explained. Nobody needs to know in advance if a child is shy or talkative or anything, in my opinion. We don't do that with adults..."Hey this is my friend Kate, she's really quiet!" You'd look at someone funny if they introduced you like that!
    Now I want to just to see the look on people's faces!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  13. #43423
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    I posted a thing on Facebook that was a picture of Will Ferrell and it said something like, "I'm quiet at first, but once I get to know you, you'll see some crazy $hit." And that about sums me up!

  14. #43424
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    Quote Originally Posted by AmeriBrit View Post
    I posted a thing on Facebook that was a picture of Will Ferrell and it said something like, "I'm quiet at first, but once I get to know you, you'll see some crazy $hit." And that about sums me up!
    I saw that! It was great!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  15. #43425
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Yeah, that would be a really popular time to visit. The problem with summer in DC is the heat and the humidity. We are enjoying some beautiful weather right now, but it is totally not the norm. Fall and Spring are much nicer, more pleasant. Y'all are welcome to crash at our place, when you do come. I can drop you off at the train station and pick you back up, or you can drive there and park (and get to experience the nation's worst traffic, LOL!).

    Forgot to mention. The Holocaust Museum is also free. But, you need to get timed passes, March-August. You can book online, though, so it isn't a huge hassle.
    Good to know about needing to book ahead on that one. I would definitely not come in the summer. Heat and humidity make me crabby....it was why we went in May on vacation this year!

    Yikes on the traffic. it's the reason we hate Chicago...well one of them. LOL

    Would totally take you up on the offer to crash.....except my DH is highly allergic to cats. He can handle usually a few hours but not much more than that.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  16. #43426
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    Stay near a metro station, Jennifer. Arlington and Alexandria are on the other side of the potomac in VA, have excellent restaurants, and should have hotels within walking distance of the metro. Or maybe, shuttles. That will also be close to Reagan National Airport. The tradeoff would probably be the price.

  17. #43427
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    I might not be on too much the next few days. We are going camping this weekend, coming back Tuesday evening. It will be our first time camping as a family and Rich's first time ever camping. We're going with two other families that we're pretty good friends with from Travis' school. It's certainly going to be an adventure. Oh, and it's not hardcore camping we're doing. We're going to a site that has an 18 holegolf course, an ooutdoor pool and pub nearby. Lol

  18. #43428
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    Have fun Ash!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  19. #43429

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    Have a blast, I love camping!!
    AKA Lisa724

  20. #43430
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    Quote Originally Posted by AmeriBrit View Post
    I might not be on too much the next few days. We are going camping this weekend, coming back Tuesday evening. It will be our first time camping as a family and Rich's first time ever camping. We're going with two other families that we're pretty good friends with from Travis' school. It's certainly going to be an adventure. Oh, and it's not hardcore camping we're doing. We're going to a site that has an 18 holegolf course, an ooutdoor pool and pub nearby. Lol
    That's my kind of camping! Have a great time

    Is it pathetic that #1 on my to-do list after I pop this baby out is to have a drink? I am not even a big drinker, but for some reason all I can think about lately is some form of alcoholic beverage

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  21. #43431
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    Have a great time, Ash!

    Christina, don't we all want things we can't have? DH didn't like sweets, until he became pre-diabetic. Then, he started craving them.

  22. #43432

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    Ash, have fun! Can't wait to hear about it when you get back.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  23. #43433
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Christina, don't we all want things we can't have? DH didn't like sweets, until he became pre-diabetic. Then, he started craving them.
    I guess that must be what it is!

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  24. #43434
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    Definitely true! So you all know i had surgery a bunch of years ago. After I could only eat soft foods and only protein. OMG, did I ever crave things....things like apples and broccoli. I had it early Oct and still remember how fantastic that stalk of broccoli I finally got to have at thanksgiving was.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    Whoah ... DH is looking through his step-brother's list of Facebook friends. Apparently a couple of SBIL's friends are girls DH dated in high school. The creepy part is one of them is a grandmother! I can't decide if that makes me old or young. Either way, DH and I are laughing about it.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  27. #43437

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    Dbf is about to be a grandpa for the 2nd time!

  28. #43438

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    I think young grandparents are awesome! They're all hip and stuff.

  29. #43439
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    I'm gonna be a sexy grandma!

  30. #43440

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    That's exciting, B! I didn't know he had children other than your three. Do they live close enough that you get to see the babies?
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


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