Page 1446 of 1484 FirstFirst ... 446946134613961436144414451446144714481456 ... LastLast
Results 43,351 to 43,380 of 44506

Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #43351
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    In front of my computer
    Posts
    29,722

    Default

    I think calling the parents 'liars' is fairly typical of little kids. That's why they say you should never promise something if there's any doubt about whether or not you'll be able to follow through. My pat answer to everything was "We'll see" when my kids would ask about something, or if I'd tell them about a party or event. I'd say, "Such and such is going on. We'll see if we can go." And then I'd decide that day. I don't know if my kids actually called me a liar, but they did point out that I didn't keep my promise, or whine, "But you promised!" if we had a sudden change of plans. It sucks, but that attitude is really typical. All of mine have done it in one form or another.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  2. #43352
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    In front of my computer
    Posts
    29,722

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    I think calling the parents 'liars' is fairly typical of little kids. That's why they say you should never promise something if there's any doubt about whether or not you'll be able to follow through. My pat answer to everything was "We'll see" when my kids would ask about something, or if I'd tell them about a party or event. I'd say, "Such and such is going on. We'll see if we can go." And then I'd decide that day. I don't know if my kids actually called me a liar, but they did point out that I didn't keep my promise, or whine, "But you promised!" if we had a sudden change of plans. It sucks, but that attitude is really typical. All of mine have done it in one form or another.
    The downside of that, though, is they get to know the meaning behind the "we'll see" Just the other day Conner told me, "That means YES!" when I told him we'd see about something. I cringed, because even though I didn't actually say yes, he interpreted it that way...so if something happens, he's going to perceive it as a broken promise.

    Sometimes, there just isn't any winning in parenting.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  3. #43353

    Default

    If I say "We'll see" Josh will say "Give me a reason why not" and if I can't come up with one right then and there he'll say "Well if you can't come up with a reason why not then you should just say yes." LOL Which I suppose is a valid point but I've been trying not to buy him everything he asks for. Every time we go out he expects to get something.

  4. #43354
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,881

    Default

    I used to say, before we'd go to stores, 'I'm not planning to buy you anything, so please don't ask'. I allow her to play with toys, or carry around a plush toy in stores, but with the understanding that I won't be buying it. Last time, we were at Wegman's, and she carried around something. Since she was in a driving cart, I totally forgot about it, checked out, and as we were leaving, she said 'Wait! We can't take this home, we didn't pay for it'. I was very proud of her, and told her as much (hugs, kisses, and that she should be proud of herself).

  5. #43355
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,881

    Default

    Oh, and the only reason I ever give for not buying anything, if she asks, is that it is too expensive, or not in the budget.

  6. #43356
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Avoiding Work
    Posts
    14,719

    Default

    I'll have to admit to being bad about buying Nolan something when we go to the store. Not generally a toy or anything, but I have gotten into the habit of buying an outfit (in the next size up) when we do our grocery shopping or whatever and he's gotten used to that as well. He likes to go pick out a shirt (doesn't care about pants). Oh and we can't go into the shoe section, the child is obsessed with shoes

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  7. #43357
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,881

    Default

    So is Mira! She has a sandal/flip flop fetish! She's got more footwear than I do.

  8. #43358

    Default

    If I say we're not buying anything, he asks anyway. Multiple times.

  9. #43359
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    In front of my computer
    Posts
    29,722

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    If I say we're not buying anything, he asks anyway. Multiple times.
    So does Conner. For the most part, he's stopped the full blown temper tantrums, but he does get demanding and rude at times.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  10. #43360
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    In a van, DOWN BY THE RIVER!
    Posts
    8,432

    Default

    Don't all kids ask for something when you're out shopping? They're clever little things who want what they want. And they'll do their best to wear us down. Travis always used to ask (and nearly always got) a Hot Wheels car when we went grocery shopping. Now we just try to do the grocery shopping without the kids, which usually means that Rich goes on how own shopping in the evening. And if you've seen my Facebook posts, you know how his shopping goes!

  11. #43361
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    In front of my computer
    Posts
    29,722

    Default

    My girls never did. Conner is the only one that's asked for stuff in the store every single time we go.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  12. #43362
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    14,672

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    If I say we're not buying anything, he asks anyway. Multiple times.
    So my mom had this rule...ask once is fine. Ask twice is not so fine. Ask a third time and you will NEVER EVER EVER get that toy...not for your birthday, not for christmas...NEVER.
    Tested that once or twice but very quickly learned that mom meant that.

    Or use it as a way to make him responsible. Say he gets a dollar every time you go to a store. He can either spend it how he wants or save it for a different day. That way he can start learning about money and that things have a cost and sometimes you have do decide which thing you want more.

    And just recently I was chatting with my mom and talking about how used to always sing this to us http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/rolli...atyouwant.html
    Especially this part
    No, you can't always get what you want
    You can't always get what you want
    You can't always get what you want
    But if you try sometime you find
    You get what you need

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  13. #43363

    Default

    My kids ask too. Kai will beg and plead. With Savana and Kai, they sometimes have their own money so they can buy whatever. Otherwise we look at the price, the quality of the toy (all toys that break right away piss us all off so they get me on that), if we could make it ourselves, if we REALLY want it. I don't say no on principle. If we have no good reason not to buy it, and I have the funds, we buy it. They are starting to understand the value of certain things and if it's a good deal or not or if we can get a cheaper somewhere else, buy it used. Not that it's always that easy. We just had Kai in a tantrum last week at the museum gift shop. He wouldn't listen to reason so I was like, "The answer is no. I'm sorry I won't change my mind on that. If it's really important to you, I will find you that toy somewhere else for less money." When he calmed down we talked about it more but he hasn't brought it up since then so I guess he decided it's not that important (ie:completely forgot). And that's not just lip service. If there is something the consistently ask for and really want, we usually find a way to get it.

  14. #43364
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    14,672

    Default

    Oh look at that, just noticed my ticker had to start over again. Makes sense. I just got my paperwork to update. New background checks, new health forms, proof of all the different kinds of insurance....almost as bad as the first time around minus the autobiographies.

    Found out too that my parents are coming up to visit this weekend. I love having company.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  15. #43365
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    14,672

    Default

    I will say that I am glad my mom did it the way she did. It really helped me learn patience. I found that being reasonable and patient, I pretty much always end up getting what I want. Even now I have a list of wants and learned to prioritize them (actually I write them in down in order of importance). Eventually I make it through the list....or something gets removed from the list. And sometimes it takes a few years to get whatever it was that I wanted but if patient, I do get it.

    there really has been only one thing I have wanted that I didn't get (at least not yet)....and that is out of my control since you cannot go to the store and buy a baby.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  16. #43366
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,881

    Default

    The one time I'll let Mira have stuff without too much thought, is when we go to the museum. I figure, it's free, and the $ is going to support the museum anyway, so I'd rather get her space ice cream or dinosaur gummy from the museum gift shop, than some place else (even if it is less expensive). We got a cool gyroscope for DH, and a dinosaur gummy for Mira when we went on Sunday.

    One thing I've come to realize is that what I find to be a good toy and what she finds to be a good toy are usually not the same thing. She has probably gotten more out of the $1.00 silly putty that makes farting noises than pretty much anything else she owns right now. I don't know if she knows yet, but I'm a sucker for all things books and music, and am more likely to indulge her, if she puts her efforts in that direction.

    Sometimes, what I do is to gather up all the things she wants. Then, we'll sit down, and together, we'll decide what we'll get. It'll be along the lines of 'You get to pick one thing, and I get to pick one thing'. That seems to work fairly well, too.
    Last edited by Suja; 08-14-2013 at 10:28 AM.

  17. #43367

    Default

    I don't know, I guess I kind of hoped the point of saying things was so that, you know, he'd someday learn that if I say "I'm not buying anything today" that I actually mean it and that asking will do nothing but upset me and in turn upset him when I say no again. What's that saying about insanity being doing the same thing and expecting different results? Why does he think that today is an okay day to pull Bo's ears when I just told him not to yesterday? Why does he think that I don't really mean it when I say I'm not buying anything today? And how does one keep track of all the things he's never going to get because he asked too much? Does that mean I can't buy him a pack of gum ever, because he asked for it three times one day?
    Last edited by daylilies; 08-14-2013 at 10:33 AM.

  18. #43368
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    14,672

    Default

    Carry a notepad and write it down? I don't know, I think mom did it for bigger toys because I clearly remember this one horse thing that I didn't ever get.
    But my mom is stubborn and I don't remember ever not knowing that I got a Jennifer no said firmly but nicely. Than a JENNIFER NO said with THE LOOK. After that I didn't push it because if mom got to three it wouldn't be good for me. We listened and behaved nicely in public or we would leave and when we got home, it would be in our rooms and go to bed. Or when older, grounded or having something we like taken away for a bit. But I don't have many memories of really testing her.

    I know it used to drive DH crazy all the years he worked at walgreens and pretty much everyday he would see parents saying no we aren't buying that, no we aren't buying that....yet at the end of the visit, they bought it. If I was a kid, i wouldn't take the adult seriously either if I found that if I pushed just enough, that sometimes they gave in anyway and didn't follow through. Even my dogs know that trick....and it's hard to always follow through. I don't without thinking and DH was like, dude you just let Molly do what you just told her not too. Ooops.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  19. #43369
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    In front of my computer
    Posts
    29,722

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    So my mom had this rule...ask once is fine. Ask twice is not so fine. Ask a third time and you will NEVER EVER EVER get that toy...not for your birthday, not for christmas...NEVER.
    Tested that once or twice but very quickly learned that mom meant that.
    I do the exact same thing. It only worked with my daughters. Maybe boys (in general) are different, but after having four I firmly believe you really have to parent to the child. No two children are alike, and what worked on one will not necessarily mean it will work on another.

    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I don't know, I guess I kind of hoped the point of saying things was so that, you know, he'd someday learn that if I say "I'm not buying anything today" that I actually mean it and that asking will do nothing but upset me and in turn upset him when I say no again.
    It does happen this way....just not as fast as you'd like Parenting is repeating. Again, and again.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  20. #43370
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    14,672

    Default

    Even harder is when you are trying to enfore someone else's rule! Like I don't really care if Molly goes on the couch uninvited. So I'm not good about enforcing that one.

    Or say we are outside and I say COME. She's gotten better, a lot better...after practicing it and working on it. But isn't 100%. I say ok, bye Molly and walk in the house (while still watching out the window). Sometimes that works. DH walks onto the deck and just says her name and the little brat comes running. So frustrating. But at the same time, kind of my fault and I'm not 100% consistent much as I try and let her get away with stuff sometimes. She doesn't pull that with DH because he's a hard*$$. She doesn't come, she will get scooped up and put in time out. He will point his finger at her and she hangs her head in shame. I get yeah whatever, there is a bug that looks more interesting than you. Dang sometimes she will even listen more to Cosmo than me. The other day Cosmo wanted to come in, Molly kept getting distracted by bugs or cool smells and finally I told Cosmo to go get her sister. Cosmo ran to her, b*tched her out and circled her when she started to stop and get distracted....and Cosmo is not a herding breed. i mean cute but Molly should have been listening better to me. I had slippers on and didn't want to go in the grass otherwise I would have just ran and scooped her up and brought her in.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  21. #43371

    Default

    Hi ladies! Whew, it's been crazy around here. Fun, but crazy! I'm hoping that, slowly, I'll be able to get on here more again.

    Sounds like I'm pretty lucky with Maiya. She very, very seldom asks for anything when we go to a store. Maybe because my standard answer is "do you have enough money?" and her answer is always no, hah! She has two piggy banks at home (well, a piggy bank, and a person bank!), and one is for spending and one is for saving. She is allowed to spend her spending money on whatever she wants, but it's almost always rides right now. So if she asks for something at a store and does happen to have her money on her, I will explain something like "this costs $5. That is 3 rides at the zoo, you sure you want it?" and she usually changes her mind!

    There was one thing she really wanted, and actually had a melt down for when I said no, and that was the ring she is wearing now. I bought her one in Hawaii as a souvenir, but it was a cheap little thing, and she chewed on it and it broke. So when we were in Yellowstone and she saw another right, she really wanted it. She didn't forget the entire week we were there, and I gave her chances to work for money to buy it. I also told her to keep her eyes out for money on the ground, and found quite a bit that way! She didn't ear enough money to pay for all of it, but she earned enough and didn't forget about it that I helped her with the last bit.

    The other thing I do is tell her that we have too much stuff already, and if she wants, say, a new doll, she must give up an old one. That has only happened once!

    But really, as Chrissy said, every kid is different. Still, if you haven't tried putting in his control, then maybe you try that! If he knows it's up to him, maybe he just won't ask you. Make him earn his own money, and when he asks for gum, ask him if he has his money. Maybe. Good luck!



  22. #43372
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Avoiding Work
    Posts
    14,719

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    So is Mira! She has a sandal/flip flop fetish! She's got more footwear than I do.
    Right!?!?! It kills me. He'll tell me "I neeeeeed new shoes" really? Because you have like 6 pairs of shoes in there already, I'm pretty sure need isn't the appropriate term.
    ]

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  23. #43373
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Avoiding Work
    Posts
    14,719

    Default

    Oh, Nolan's response to "do you have money" is "YES!" and than he pulls my wallet out of my purse Smart little booger

    ETA: Sorry, I don't have much constructive to actually add to the conversation
    Last edited by Smplyme89; 08-14-2013 at 11:57 AM.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  24. #43374

    Default

    Oh, Maiya LOVES shoes, too, but she has a sunglass fetish. Which is funny, because she hates wearing them! But when we go anywhere, she MUST admire all the sunglasses, both that are on sale and that people are wearing. She only has one pair herself, and I've told her that if she starts wearing them, I'll buy her ONE more. But since she won't wear them, no more for her!

    Hah, Nolan is smart! Maiya will tell me "YOU have money!" to which I respond "Yes, but that money is for x y z (the zoo / dinner / Hawaii / whatever)". He's too smart for his own good!



  25. #43375

    Default

    I try not to talk about money with him too much because I don't want him worrying about money. I don't like discussing how much money we do or don't have with him. We usually do have the money for whatever he's asking for, but if I bought him something every time he asked, he wouldn't appreciate it. I've bought things in the past that are forgotten about by the end of the day. I'm afraid if I did buy him that watch he wants, he wouldn't really appreciate it because he can't tell time on it yet. We bought Babybel mini cheeses because he has a friend who brought them to lunch every day and he thought it was cool that they're wrapped in wax that looks like Pac Man when you open it, but he didn't actually like the cheese. LOL

    His chore app is set up so that he's saving up for a Skylander (which run $10-15) but I could edit it so that I would just let him buy what he wants and just subtract that amount from the total.

  26. #43376
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,881

    Default

    Hmmm... maybe I should let Mira handle money? Because we generally don't have to say 'no' on the basis of money alone, I am concerned about her growing up to be an entitled little turd. I want her to know that money isn't something that is just there all the time to do with as she pleases, but has to be earned, and that mom and dad can't always get her what she wants. She currently doesn't have any responsibilities that she gets paid for, so she doesn't really have any money of her own. I suppose I could start giving her change for her "piggy bank" (it's a lady bug, actually), but I normally use a CC, so I don't actually have money on me, and when I do get change, I just put it in the 'tips' jar.

  27. #43377
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Avoiding Work
    Posts
    14,719

    Default

    Nolan knows how to swipe my debit card in the store

    DH will give him change to put in his 'bankin account' (which is actually just an old glass jar ). Being that my husband is such a push over, Nolan talks him into buying him gummys anytime they stop at the gas station together so Nolan has to 'pay' daddy back out of his 'bankin account'. All in all, its kind of pointless, but he feels so proud when he says 'I pay for it'. I figure if I couldn't get DH to stop buying the kid gummys the least I could do is make it into something a bit more productive

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  28. #43378

    Default

    See, I wouldn't NOT get them something because they asked too many times. I try to think about myself and if I want something (like a camper) and bring it up to dbf and he will say we cannot afford it. So I will wait a bit, look on craigslist, ask again. Not for his permission, mind you, so it's a little different but it's still not something I would do without his consent. So he might say no the first few many times, in so many words, but I really really want a camper so I keep bringing it up. I would be really hurt if he told me that we weren't getting the camper because I asked too many times. I mean, the real world doesn't work that way either. IF you keep trying for something you really want, you might get it eventually. It just seems hurtful. It sounds like you are happy with your mom doing things that way J, but I'm not sure I would have been. Kate, I would maybve not even say you aren't buying anything today, just in case he finds something that is ok to buy. I mean, sometimes it's fun for all when the kids find something really cool at the store and it's something we can all do together. I would just take it on a case by case basis.

  29. #43379
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    In front of my computer
    Posts
    29,722

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    See, I wouldn't NOT get them something because they asked too many times. I try to think about myself and if I want something (like a camper) and bring it up to dbf and he will say we cannot afford it. So I will wait a bit, look on craigslist, ask again. Not for his permission, mind you, so it's a little different but it's still not something I would do without his consent. So he might say no the first few many times, in so many words, but I really really want a camper so I keep bringing it up. I would be really hurt if he told me that we weren't getting the camper because I asked too many times. I mean, the real world doesn't work that way either. IF you keep trying for something you really want, you might get it eventually. It just seems hurtful. It sounds like you are happy with your mom doing things that way J, but I'm not sure I would have been. Kate, I would maybve not even say you aren't buying anything today, just in case he finds something that is ok to buy. I mean, sometimes it's fun for all when the kids find something really cool at the store and it's something we can all do together. I would just take it on a case by case basis.
    I can't speak for anyone else, but what I meant by the 'ask one time' rule was immediately-at that moment-in the store. Jesi is the only one I recall throwing a fit over a toy she wanted, and I really stuck to it. She was about 3 at the time, and when she was 12 we happened to see the same toy again. I pointed at it and said, "You could have had that for your 4th birthday if you didn't have a temper tantrum in the store about it." She laughed and said she remembered that. That was the one and only time any of my girls had a fit in a store. They never did in a restaurant.

    Conner, however, is a completely different story. Those tactics didn't/don't work.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  30. #43380

    Default

    Yeah, I am starting to think it's less about what we do that makes them who they are and more about just-who they ARE. And if we lead our lives being the best people we can, working hard, showing grace and kindness in everything we do (including our interactions with them) that that is how they will learn to walk that path. Not because if they didn't they couldn't have ice cream.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •