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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #43171
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    We just buzz DHs hair. Well, he cuts it and than I'll just clean up around his neck. We very rarely pay for him a haircut unless I am feeling extra-extra lazy and don't want to shave his neck

    Nolan still hasn't had a hair cut, but its coming soon.

    I get mine cut... not even once a year really..... It's just not something I get motivated to do very often

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  2. #43172

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    I covet curly hair. Always have. So many options! So much hair! And it's easy to cut! Sigh... Noe's almost 4 and her hair is still so fine and wispy that we have to keep it in a short little bob. I don't mind the bob - I like them on little girls! - but I feel bad for her that she'll always have fine, thin, stick-straight hair. It's hard to cut super-straight hair because it shows every little snip.

    And Christina - you "loathe" your thick, bouncy red hair? Shame on you. Just kidding, but it goes to show that the grass is always greener, right?
    I do know what you mean, though. All the way until college, my hair was very blonde, very shiny, straight and thick. When I was little it was platinum, and it was my (mother's) crowning glory - I wore it long all through my childhood, and people commented it on it constantly. I started to feel self-conscious about it, and somehow, all the attention my hair got made me resent it a little. As soon as I could, when I was 12, I cut it off. I shaved my head at 13 and wore it very short and dyed all kinds of colors from then until about age 25. The first time I got my hair cut really short, at 13, my mother saw me in the salon and was so angry she couldn't speak. When we got home, she told me to sit outside on the front porch "so she wouldn't have to look" at me.
    I finally got over my hair angst and wore it longer in my late 20s and my 30s. By that time it had gotten darker, to the shade it is now. It's funny how all of those little things we experienced from our parents show us what not to do with our own kids. DD1 has gorgeous, super-thick, super-shiny honey-blonde hair with natural light blonde streaks. People have commented on it since she was little, but I tried not to make a big deal out of it. She cut it off three times to donate and enjoyed having it shorter. When she was about 12 she went through a period of a couple of years where she dyed it a bunch of colors -- awful colors like green and teal and neon yellow. I shut my trap, because it's her head, but inside I cringed a little.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  3. #43173
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    It took me a long time to come to terms
    with my hair. When I was 12, my mom thought it would be a good idea to perm my hair. After that, my hair was never the same! I don't look back at high school photos for the embarrassment my hair makes me feel. My hair now is wavy and has a lot of body. My friend from high school and I used to call it "foo foo hair". I straighten it most days but it also looks nice with a bit of mousse in it.

  4. #43174

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    My mom STILL gives me crap if I cut my hair. Drives me bonkers. I usually don't tell her until I see her. "You have beautiful curls, why would you cut them?" coming from a woman with naturally curly hair who chemically straightens it and then blow dries it even more straight every.single.day is a little ironic.

    I've always wanted straight hair, but now I'm ok with mine the way it is. And I'm glad my kids got curly hair. Ash's is so blond right now from the sun that it's almost white. I used to have dreams that I would have a blond, curly haired little boy, I guess it came true.
    AKA Lisa724

  5. #43175
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    My whole life people have been coming up to me touching/stroking my hair, talking to me about, etc.... It's been quite.... frustrating.

    It sits somewhere between straight, wavy, and curly. It is thick and has a mind of its own. *If* I do anything with it, I'll straighten it - but I have yet to find a straightner that can make it through my hair in less than an hour. My co-worker suggested a Chi but I've been too nervous about the cost to try one and it not work for me.

    I tried to highlight (er, lowlight - I don't remember) my hair once. It did not take, at all. I left the salon quite disappointment

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  6. #43176
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    ....and I am really glad this came up. I know I have a bad habit of doting on NOlan's hair. I'll have to worko n that

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  7. #43177
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    After I dry my hair, I can flat-iron my whole head in 10-15 minutes tops. It's THAT thin. Ugh. And it fries it worse, so I avoid doing that.

    I think most beauticians have the Chi flat iron. You could go to one for a style and ask them to use one on your hair and see how it ranks.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  8. #43178

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    My mom always said we could do whatever we wanted with out hair and then she later said that I made her eat her words. I permed, straightened, bleached, ratted, bleached again. I am talking, fill the sink up with hydrogen peroxide and dunk it in. For awhile, my hair stretched like rubber, I swear to god. It was so far beyond real hair. Now I mostly leave it alone but I do like to dye it sometimes. It is naturally a very dull brown. I hated it my whole life. I envied long hair. I didn't like much about myself then as far as physical appearance. I cannot believe how self concious I was and how much I wanted to change about myself. How I wish I hadn't wasted so much time agonizing over the way I looked. I thought all my friends were beautiful and wished to be them. That is what I hope for my kids, that they get to skip that phase and just keep loving themselves.

  9. #43179
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    My mom always said we could do whatever we wanted with out hair and then she later said that I made her eat her words. I permed, straightened, bleached, ratted, bleached again. I am talking, fill the sink up with hydrogen peroxide and dunk it in. For awhile, my hair stretched like rubber, I swear to god. It was so far beyond real hair. Now I mostly leave it alone but I do like to dye it sometimes. It is naturally a very dull brown. I hated it my whole life. I envied long hair. I didn't like much about myself then as far as physical appearance. I cannot believe how self concious I was and how much I wanted to change about myself. How I wish I hadn't wasted so much time agonizing over the way I looked. I thought all my friends were beautiful and wished to be them. That is what I hope for my kids, that they get to skip that phase and just keep loving themselves.
    Human development says that if they're normal, especially adolescent girls, they will not be able to skip that phase. Sorry. Girls go through a period where 100% of their self esteem comes from how they feel others perceive them. It's a painful process, but unless they discovered something new that I'm not aware of in the psychology world, there's no escaping it.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  10. #43180
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    ^^Ain't I the bearer of sunshine & joy. I'm sure you hate me now, so I'll be moseying along....




    lol...I'm pretty sure you don't hate me really. But I wouldn't blame you if you did.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  11. #43181

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    Really? In every culture?

  12. #43182
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Really? In every culture?
    That is a very good question. I don't know. But it would stand to reason that in other cultures where looks, clothes, the haves/have nots aren't as important to people in their society, those girls wouldn't have the self esteem issues some of our kids experience in the US. Our values are different.

    It's not stating that all adolescent girls think poorly of themselves, only that if they feel everyone around them thinks poorly of them, they will also. The popular girls won't have the same experience as the not-so-popular girls. It's all perception-and in truth, our own perception at that age can be wrong. I thought I was the ugly duckling and that everyone else thought so too. Years down the line, I learned that I was probably in the minority in thinking that about me.

    If Savana's friends are a good circle, then she likely won't have a really bad experience with self esteem issues. My circle of friends (some anyway) had their own demons, so of course they had to put me down to make themselves feel better. That's called "leveling"

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  13. #43183
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    I've always just accepted that I was not all that attractive. It never bothered me though, at least not in the way I saw some girls react. I'll never be one of the pretty people and that's OK by me ;)

    I didn't really have an average childhood though, I had more important things to worry about than what 'so and so' thought about my clothes, hair, etc. I didn't get the opportunity to experience a lot of the normal teenage cycles that I witnessed. I could never identify with people my own age.

    One of those sad and pathetic truths of who I am....

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  14. #43184

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    Well, I suppose I had "important" things to worry about as well. I worried about EV. RY. THING. I think that is why I had headaches every day. I was just a worrisome child/adolescent. I will admit that part of the reason that homeschooling feels good to me is that, assuming we continue, my kids won't be immersed in that culture. People always want to bring up the social part of school as if it's something that homeschool kids miss out on and to me it's not missing out. Frankly, the social part of school kind of sucked! Until highschool, where I loved it, but I've no doubt when my kids are teenagers they will have developed from strong friendships through the other things they are involved in. Did you guys read Sweet Valley High? Gah, I wanted to be them. Blond hair, tan, blue eyes...boyfriends named Chad and Drake. Lol. Where was Harry Potter then????

  15. #43185
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Well, I suppose I had "important" things to worry about as well. I worried about EV. RY. THING. I think that is why I had headaches every day. I was just a worrisome child/adolescent. I will admit that part of the reason that homeschooling feels good to me is that, assuming we continue, my kids won't be immersed in that culture. People always want to bring up the social part of school as if it's something that homeschool kids miss out on and to me it's not missing out. Frankly, the social part of school kind of sucked! Until highschool, where I loved it, but I've no doubt when my kids are teenagers they will have developed from strong friendships through the other things they are involved in. Did you guys read Sweet Valley High? Gah, I wanted to be them. Blond hair, tan, blue eyes...boyfriends named Chad and Drake. Lol. Where was Harry Potter then????
    I did! I wanted to be Elizabeth. The reality was, my personality was probably more like Jessica's.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  16. #43186
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    I hope that didn't come across as implying others didn't. My life was quite literally school, take care of the house and my brother, and than when I was 14 it became school, take care of the house and my brother, and work. Than at 15/16 I decided to start taking classes at the college as well. Social aspects of being a teen were outside of my 'normal' and I just didn't have time to worry about it.

    There are other ways for kids to learn about socialization than just through public school. I think if an effort is made, on the part of the parents, to introduce the kids into situations where they will have to utilize their social skills than that's fine. It is those kids who are home schooled and never get out, that I think experience issues later on.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  17. #43187

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    Agree with you on the homeschooling, B. Before we homeschooled dd1 in her 8th grade year, dh was a little hesitant, saying he worried homeschooled kids were weird. Then we actually met some, and were blown away. I mean, obviously it's not across the board, but on the whole, there really is a difference, and the homeschooled and alternatively schooled kids have a lot of advantages -- especially in the teen years. I feel like we have a pretty good set of kids to compare, because dd1 has done both and now she has a group of homeschooled friends and a group of friends from the local public school. The homeschooled teens have a lot of self-confidence and maturity. They seem to know who they are and to be ok with it. They do less experimenting with drugs, alcohol and sex and more experimenting with music, computers and costume-making. They're really neat people and I like every one of them and love dd to spend time with them. Her public school friends are more of a mixed bag, but not one of them has the esteem and sense of self I see in the hsed kids. I hear the homeschool parents often saying the same thing you said, Bridget, about how the "socialization" kids get in school isn't always a plus. In my experience, I agree, and most especially in the industrial grinder that can be a public middle or high school (even a good one).

    The caveat, of course, is that we tend to have a very specific subset of homeschoolers around here. They're secular, their parents are educated and are often in the arts or sciences, and their parents take the kids' education seriously. These kids are not the sheltered, super-religious homeschoolers people tend to think of when making generalizations (and of whom dh was probably thinking when he first opined that hsers are weird).
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  18. #43188

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    Yes, we have the same sort of homeschooling community, where the parents all seem to value an education that is more world-view oriented and based on experiences and not religion nor seclusion from society. We actually haven't been involved with our group all summer because we have been so busy every doing our own family thing but I hope to reconnect with them after the summer.

  19. #43189
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    I don't have a lot of experience with homeschoolers, but my BIL does (both kids in soccer, which apparently attracts homeschoolers). He says that basically every socially awkward kid he has met on the field has been homeschooled by some far right wing, super religious wingnut. He absolutely refuses to believe that the likes of Bridget exist, in fact (I tried).

    As for all the teenage angst stuff, I'm fairly certain it is a Western phenomenon, and it might be more pronounced in the US than anywhere else. I didn't even know until I was well into my 20s that we were to have all this teenage angst, and hormonal BS. We were all way too busy studying to have even the time to make googly eyes at boys, never mind anything else! And, I don't think we grew up as clique-y, and self conscious as kids do around here.

    My cousin tells me that when her daughter was younger, she had friends of all stripes. As she grew older, and more focused on her studies, that circle shrank, and her friends are almost entirely Asian. It wasn't anything she did deliberately; her priorities were different from those of the non-Asian kids, and she naturally gravitates towards those that are like minded. She wears her 'nerd' label proudly, as do her friends. They have nothing but positive association with nerds - professional, successful, the likes of Bill Gates.

  20. #43190

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    I've never really felt I was attractive and didn't feel like other people thought I was either. Actually, a couple years ago I found the first boyfriend I had in high school on Facebook. I forget how it came out but he confessed that he always thought I was the prettiest girl in high school (to be fair, my high school was very small, LOL) It blew me away and I still think of that when I need an ego boost.

    About the hair-I have fine, but thick, sort of wavy, strawberry blonde hair. I tried to dye it more auburn in college and it turned out like, Ronald McDonald red. It was awful. It was wash out dye and it still took days to totally come out. So it goes to show that even if you have hair other people covet, it's totally natural to hate it.

  21. #43191

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    So I finally get my access card to the gym at DH's work tomorrow! I'm super excited. Unfortunately, the gym is up 2 flights of stairs, and I have a really hard time with stairs. So that's going to be tricky. But at least I'll have access when I am able to make it there!

  22. #43192
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    I had to do physical therapy last year after a knee injury. The PT office was on the second floor. I kept thinking it was the strangest place in the world to do PT, but actually during my last session the PT made me go up and down stairs so he could give me some tips. Stairs were really hard for me to navigate. I guess the gym works on the same principle!

    I took the elevator coming to/from my appointments, though.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  23. #43193

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I've never really felt I was attractive and didn't feel like other people thought I was either. Actually, a couple years ago I found the first boyfriend I had in high school on Facebook. I forget how it came out but he confessed that he always thought I was the prettiest girl in high school (to be fair, my high school was very small, LOL) It blew me away and I still think of that when I need an ego boost.

    About the hair-I have fine, but thick, sort of wavy, strawberry blonde hair. I tried to dye it more auburn in college and it turned out like, Ronald McDonald red. It was awful. It was wash out dye and it still took days to totally come out. So it goes to show that even if you have hair other people covet, it's totally natural to hate it.
    Your hair is such a pretty color! I always think so when I see your pictures.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  24. #43194
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    It is. It's gorgeous.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  25. #43195

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    I had to do physical therapy last year after a knee injury. The PT office was on the second floor. I kept thinking it was the strangest place in the world to do PT, but actually during my last session the PT made me go up and down stairs so he could give me some tips. Stairs were really hard for me to navigate. I guess the gym works on the same principle!

    I took the elevator coming to/from my appointments, though.
    I wish there was an elevator! I use a walker/wheelchair most days, so stairs just terrify me. haha. I'm still in the process of getting a new chair and have had 4 ER trips due to falls in July alone. But since the gym is for employees of city transit, I don't think handicap accessibility was a priority. lol.

  26. #43196
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    Kate, your hair is an awesome color! I wish I didn't have to hand mine highlighted. It's "mousy" colored. I hate that description, but that's what it is. I am thinking of trying a darker blonde, but my Mil does my hair and she likes it the color it is now.

  27. #43197
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    Decisions, decisions! Trying to sign the kid up for classes in the fall. She will continue with her martial arts. So, that's Friday afternoon. Swimming on Saturday morning. She really wants to do tap/ballet. Only class that would work for us, that is offered by the county, is at 3:00 on Sunday. Her school offers one on Thursday afternoons, after school, but that is twice as expensive, AND the classes are shorter in duration.

    I am really reluctant to have her in classes both Saturday and Sunday, because then that wouldn't leave us with any free time to do stuff - like going to the park, or visiting family and friends. From a practical perspective, the school class makes the most sense, but it doesn't make sense to pay more to get less. GAH! Maybe I'll dawdle long enough that the class will fill up, and then I'll have to take the spendy class.

  28. #43198
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    I could only handle doing one class at once at any given time. So I would let them think of what class they wanted to take next during the class they were taking. We did dance, and gymnastics, and swimming, and gymnastics one or two other times because that was a big hit, but even that one class a week (only on weekends) was difficult enough for all of us. The kids wanted to do more, but between the expense and getting them there, and then having that interfere with any possible all-day weekend outings or out-of-town events, or later on, birthday parties, it just got to be a hassle. And then once Kindergarten started we pretty much stopped extra classes because they were in class all day anyway and it would have been so much harder to do anything else on top of it. Once snack and homework were done, it was dinner, and then bed, and the day was starting over.

    I know they are going to want to do more extracurricular stuff soon, and I'm just dreading the scheduling involved.

    Personally, if I were you, Suja, I would pay more to do what required less driving and interfering with my schedule. If it meant saving an extra drive back and forth, getting everyone dressed and ready to go, ensuring that we had to be somewhere at a certain time, and salvaging some flexibility in my schedule on weekends, I would pay a lot extra if I could afford it, even if the class was shorter. In fact, shorter classes are probably better for younger kids. I might ask people who have seen the class how it is, though.

    So we are back from our short Wyoming vacation. Got in about 9 PM last night after a series of unfortunate delays. The first was caused by the airline. The pilot apologized after we were all on board, ready to go with seatbelts on at departure time, and said we were overweight. "Who would have thought you all would bring luggage with you--ha ha ha?" We ended up deboarding and were told that we would either have to wait until dark when it was cooler for take-off, or they would have to burn off some fuel and then make a stop to refuel in Boise. This was only a 1 1/2 hour flight, btw, but we were supposed to get there 2 hours early and we'd had a 2 hour drive to get there so we'd left at 11:30 AM to be safe.

    So we hung out in the airport for a while. Eventually they decided to burn off the fuel and we all got back on board, a couple hours later. They said they would give everyone a free soda or juice to make up for the inconvenience. We stopped in Boise. Then the beverage cart came by. We were near the back of the plane, so near the beginning of the service. DH asked for apple and cranberry juice for the kids. They didn't have any. Any juice? WE ARE OUT of juice, SIR. DH said that his children had been clamoring for juice since they'd promised free drinks for everyone, and the flight attendant said that they had soda. He said, "How can you have no drinks for children?" She said (rather snippily) they didn't stock enough. Again, we were only about 10 rows from the back. DH said, "Then you need to stock more!"

    At that point she said that she didn't need to deal with him and she would call the police to escort him off the plane when we landed. DD started wailing. DH started trying to talk to her again and I (one seat in front of him) whispered through the seats to try to calm down because they could and would do it. He snapped back at me, "You calm down!" He talked to the head stewardess, who reassured him the police wouldn't be called, and the other one told him that they'd been up since 3:30 that morning and had 4 flights that day already so they were tired and cranky. Shortly before landing the first flight attendant started bustling around our area asking passengers if they would serve as witnesses for what happened.

    The police met us as we off-boarded. I spent my time trying to reassure the kids that DH wasn't going to jail. The police told DH that they pretty much treat calls from Allegiant and Spirit as B.S. whenever they receive them but they have to show up anyway. He was not going to be arrested for talking to them about their poor customer service. They let Claire pet the police dog. It all ended well, except that DH and I were at odds (and probably always will be) over how the whole situation was handled. I think he should have just let the matter rest because he was raising his voice and being argumentative with a flight attendant about the juice when it wasn't her fault it was gone, and taking things out on working people is not the way to go about solving problems.

    He thinks that she was incredibly rude to him--should have been apologetic in the first place for not being able to provide the beverage that was promised and that she escalated it and was abusive and bullying by threatening to call the police when he had done nothing wrong. He said that when nobody stands up in the face of this type of bullying behavior, it further erodes our human rights. I told him that in case the police were being called and he was going to be arrested, I could get up and start arguing also, because someone needed to be with our children that night. Anyway, we got home very very late and unhappily.

    The funniest story of our vacation was when we were on a covered wagon ride. DD had been telling DH how much she liked horses. He said, "I think you must be the only little girl who likes horses. You are so unique to like them." Then later, as we were riding in the covered wagon, the cowgirl driver let Claire drive the team for a little bit and she was going on again about how much she liked horses and said, "My daddy says that I must be the only girl who likes horses," and I started laughing and just couldn't even stop when I saw the cowgirl's expression and every other person's on the ride.


  29. #43199
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    Oh my L!! I can't believe the stewardess actually called the police It does sound like she was extremely rude about the situation. A smile and polite apology goes a LONG way.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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    My cheapness is getting in the way, L, but I think I'll take your advice. The one in her school is at 3:15, so the teacher will get them up and dressed, and I can just pick her up later, I think. I'll probably have to pack a snack or something, because she's always ravenous by the time I get her back in the afternoon, at 3:00. Despite having a snack and lunch at school.

    I can't believe she called the police over that, either. People with that sort of temperament should not work in the service industry.
    Last edited by Suja; 08-06-2013 at 09:33 AM.

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