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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #42841
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    I wouldn't call. Just send a polite note about the 'See ya next time'.

  2. #42842

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    Yeah, totally understand why you'd be upset. Really seems like she wasn't thinking -- I agree, someone you haven't seen in 20 years, you should remember is coming to visit you! geez.
    I would do as Suja said. She put it perfectly. That way you sound gracious and like the bigger person - you don't want to put her out. And it also makes it sound like you are totally fine with going with the flow and have plenty of other places to stay. She sounds a little self-centered, and you don't want to give her the idea that you can't do just fine without her. (Well, I wouldn't, anyway, but maybe you're not as vain as I am.)
    I hope you can work it out so that you can still have a fun trip.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  3. #42843
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    I do find working with children extremely rewarding. I love being the one to teach something new. I remember one little guy (I've probably mentioned this before but it's my big moment of glory!) who started kinder completely nonverbal. I was the one who taught him we used words to interact with people, and not hitting/biting/screaming. I literally - literally - could see the realization dawn across his face right in the middle of the therapy session. "Hey, I understand what she's trying to tell me. I'm supposed to *ask* for that. And she'll just give it to me, without my having to grab it out of her hands!" From then on it just came without my even needing to work all that hard. The end of the school year, he was speaking in sentences and I remember one of the parents asking the TA in his class how he started talking. I heard her saying "I don't know, he just started talking." I worked HARD to make that happen, lady! It didn't just happen!

    I honestly can't say anything else I've ever done has been that meaningful. I love that. I do find meaning in that. Then again, the fact that I do find meaning and fulfillment doing that just lets me know that I would probably find parenthood to be more fulfilling than not, even though I know going in it will have it's moments. Another reason it's so frustrating to me.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  4. #42844
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Can't blame you. I'd just send a note saying that you are sorry for her loss, it seems like she has a lot going on, and that you hope to catch up next time you're in town.
    I agree with this Katy. Assume she has something else going on in her life-perhaps the person that died had a long illness and she was close to her? All sorts of things can make the best-of-intentioned of us do thoughtless things. She may not have meant to 'forget' you at all. I think you'll know in the days and weeks that follow. If she approaches you truly sorry (and I'm sure you'll be able to tell) then just forgive her. I'm sure it's hard to think about right now though. I know I'd be hurt as well.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    I am going to sound like a sh!t but I have really found myself in parenting. It is fulfilling for me. I did not really care much about much outside of when the next party was, until I had kids. I am, like Suja, pretty much parenting alone. I used to feel angry about that but not anymore. Instead I sort of immersed myself in it. Not that I would mind having a night out with my girlfriends, mind you. But it's not in the cards right now so I just keep telling myself that I will have time for that when my kids are older.
    Um, why would that make you sound like a sh!t? I LOVE that about you! You're living the life I like to imagine I could, but know I could not. I like my own career/parent balance, but way deep in the recesses of my soul I'd have liked to be more like you. I tried it with Bobbie & Jesi...I don't know if it was $ or what, but it simply did not work out for me. I have no regrets though.

    Speaking of air-I don't typically need or want it, but I learned really fast in this slum apartment on the 2nd floor that if I didn't have 1 it would be 120 upstairs on the hottest days. I could stand it if I sat on my couch (and I'm not opposed to doing so) but it really made my dog sick. So I got an air conditioner for the living room and kitchen area last summer. I hung a curtain to shut off the living room to the hallway, and kept my bedroom door closed. Last summer, my little 5,000 btu window unit did a nice job keeping it cooler for us in this space. But not this year. I was very confused and blamed it on the cheap (probably made in China) AC unit and I bought a 2nd one to put in my bedroom window. Since that space is smaller, I put the 'old' (1 year) one back that and the new one in the living room/kitchen area thinking-it's new. It'll do just as well as the previous one did.

    Not! WTF? Now I have 2 AC units running and my living room is still pegged at 90 degrees? I kept checking the thermostat and it was definitely off. Today I finally got wise and put my hand over the heater (which is in my living room) and wouldn't you know the stupid thing had heat coming from it? Not a lot-but probably as much as leaving 2 burners on a propane stove all day long. So I shut the gas off to the heater and wouldn't you know my living room cooled down by 10 degrees in about an hour. smh. This freaking dump. I cannot wait to be out of here.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  5. #42845
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    OMG Bridget, do you not have air conditioning? I have it at 71 inside and am still somewhat warm in a tank and capri pj's. I'm just crossing my fingers for some rain but not bad storms because my grass is looking awful even with sprinkling over the weekend.
    I'd be freezing!!! It's nice and comfortable at 85 right now.

    Quote Originally Posted by girlwonder View Post
    Well she just pm'ed me her number and wants me to call her tomorrow so we can "figure something out." So now it will just be awkward no matter what.
    Aww darling just call her and see what her tone sounds like. If she sounds put out or irritated with you, then it's HER. If she's genuinely sorry...well then something must have happened. I mean, it is a crappy thing to do, to forget your friend is coming, but like I said earlier who knows what else might be going on in her life.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  6. #42846
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    I'd be b*tching Chrissy if it was as hot as 75 inside. I keep it more like 66-67 in the winter.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  7. #42847

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    I feel like I'm stuck between so exhausted I'm not able to move and really hyper. It's like being 4 and trying to convince yourself you're definitely not ready for bed. Physically, I just want to sleep. I want to lay in bed and not move. But my mind won't stop. Why can I never remember this much when business offices are actually OPEN!?!?!

  8. #42848

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    We do have air conditioning but we are both stubborn about using it! Honestly, I just feel like winter is so long and we are cooped up with no open windows that I like to relish the hot summer! During the day it would never work because the kids are in and out all.day and I need to be able to hear them if I am inside. At night, the kids are in the basement where it is very cool and I just deal. Our energy bills are already so high so that is another reason. We are at the beach nearly every day so that's how we cope with the heat!

    I guess I feel like I am always hearing people talk about how you must seek an identity outside of being a mom and I just have no desire to separate myself from it. I think the fact that I don't work outside the home makes me feel like this is really basically my only job!

  9. #42849
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    Quote Originally Posted by EllyD14 View Post
    I feel like I'm stuck between so exhausted I'm not able to move and really hyper. It's like being 4 and trying to convince yourself you're definitely not ready for bed. Physically, I just want to sleep. I want to lay in bed and not move. But my mind won't stop. Why can I never remember this much when business offices are actually OPEN!?!?!
    That's when I get up and make myself a list and write notes of stuff to remember when I am awake during business hours.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    We do have air conditioning but we are both stubborn about using it! Honestly, I just feel like winter is so long and we are cooped up with no open windows that I like to relish the hot summer! During the day it would never work because the kids are in and out all.day and I need to be able to hear them if I am inside. At night, the kids are in the basement where it is very cool and I just deal. Our energy bills are already so high so that is another reason. We are at the beach nearly every day so that's how we cope with the heat!

    I guess I feel like I am always hearing people talk about how you must seek an identity outside of being a mom and I just have no desire to separate myself from it. I think the fact that I don't work outside the home makes me feel like this is really basically my only job!
    I totally agree. Winter is so long. And cold. I cannot complain about the heat at all.

    I will complain, however, about how cold the freakin bus is! OMG! It's barely 70 (I think the radio said 68 when I was getting on the bus at 6:45 a.m.) and they had they AC blasting. I was shivering by the time we got to Ithaca. It's ridiculous. We already spend 10 months of the year being cold. Just open the **** windows if you want some cooler air!

    I think it's up to each person to identity what makes them happy in life and try to achieve it. What works for me won't work for everyone. I love your life and I'm glad you find fulfillment in it. It makes me happy for you. You're obviously good at it.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  10. #42850
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    You ladies are so chatty it's hard to keep up!

    I've been super busy with the kids and work and at home stuff I feel like I don't have any time for anything.

    I've been reading but not replying... Sorry!!

  11. #42851
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    Quote Originally Posted by CamaLamaMama View Post
    You ladies are so chatty it's hard to keep up!

    I've been super busy with the kids and work and at home stuff I feel like I don't have any time for anything.

    I've been reading but not replying... Sorry!!
    It's ok. It happens to all of us sometimes. No one is keeping score.

    I promise, there will come a time when you'll keep coming back here wondering if we all left permanently. It seems like the days (or nights!) I'm really bored, everyone else is occupied and not posting!! Then when life is at its busiest, they're all in here gabbing away!!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  12. #42852

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    Thanks, Chrissy! And I know what you mean about dealing with a/c. When I used to work at a preschool center, I'd walk there and it was so darn hot outside that I'd be sweating and then I'd get there and actually have to change into jeans and a sweater because the a/c was FREEZING.

  13. #42853
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    Hi ladies, I just wanted to check in with you and let you know I made it in to work today with my house and car unmolested after the civil unrest in my neck of the woods last night. They got pretty close to my neighborhood, but I actually didn't see or hear any actual activity, just a lot of tweets about violence nearby, and then I checked the news feeds this morning and it died off shortly after I went to bed. They went back downtown and there were hammer attacks, arrests, and a lot of pictures from the media as they were eventually heading home about how "You know you're working late when the freeways look this empty."


  14. #42854
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Please, please don't feel guilty. We all live our own lives and I know you are such a fabulous mama to Nolan that I am happy for you and your new little one, planned or no. Pregnant or not pregnant, that doesn't change my situation. Appreciate what you have and that will make me happy. I know you have struggled.
    You are such an amazing and gracious person and deserve to have anything that you desire

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  15. #42855
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    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    Hi ladies, I just wanted to check in with you and let you know I made it in to work today with my house and car unmolested after the civil unrest in my neck of the woods last night. They got pretty close to my neighborhood, but I actually didn't see or hear any actual activity, just a lot of tweets about violence nearby, and then I checked the news feeds this morning and it died off shortly after I went to bed. They went back downtown and there were hammer attacks, arrests, and a lot of pictures from the media as they were eventually heading home about how "You know you're working late when the freeways look this empty."
    I'm glad you guys came out unscathed, but the whole thing is just sickening. I laid in bed last night trying to pick up anything on the news (from my Kindle) about what was going on. It was quiet. I was more than a little worried for you all.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  16. #42856
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    Being that I started out never wanting kids, I did find myself diving head first into it and do love being a mom more than I ever thought I would. I find myself stuck between wanting to stay home and wanting to work. It's weird that I don't know which I would prefer. I don't find my job rewarding though and actually, I don't think I'll ever find any job to be rewarding in that way. I work because I have too, there is no alternative in my world, so having the option taken away from me to choose where I want to be is what makes it so difficult I think.

    That is why the prospect of dropping to part time intrigued me so. It would entail 3-10.5hour days from open to close, which is just miserable in and of itself, but being able to spend 4/7 days home with my LOs is appealing. It would also mean that if DH didn't find some level of job security our financial situation would be tight (er, more so than usual).

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  17. #42857

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    So glad you are ok, L!

  18. #42858
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    I just wish fall and spring were longer. I love when it's 50/60's during the day and 40's at night. Don't love snow but I would take cold over this nasty hot humid muggy we have going on this week.

    L....so glad that things are ok today. I went to bed worried for you guys last night. So scary. And so unnecessary. I mean really what do they hope to accomplish....and even his parents were begging for no more violence.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  19. #42859
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    I don't even know what this winter is you ladies speak of......

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  20. #42860

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    It should be noted that the largest group of protesters are the peaceful ones. Always got to be some bad eggs-and they are usually really bad and get portrayed in the media far more than the peaceful ones.

  21. #42861
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    Glad you're okay, L.

    I was also trying to follow the news last night, and it does seem like a few rotten eggs are giving the peaceful protestors a bad name.

  22. #42862
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    Yeah, the little I did find said that it was a group of 100 or so that broke off from the peaceful protest. Some people neglect to read and comprehend that part and whenever they see/hear of a protest they think they're all violent and out of control.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  23. #42863
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    If I was the one who had an angry mob heading to my house, I wouldn't give a rat's *** that most of them elsewhere were peaceful.

    Still not sure what exactly is being protested. CA doesn't have stand your ground laws or castle doctrine and it seems like that is the issue. I of course don't think it was right in any way shape or form......but it sounds like it was legal in FL. People want to protest, great. Go to FL and protest that law that allowed him to get away with murder.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  24. #42864
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    The defense didn't use Stand your ground, just regular old self defense. I don't think the jury made a mistake. The prosecution did not meet its burden. Was justice done? No.

    But yeah, vandalizing property, and harassing people that had nothing to do with anything - that's how to win friends and influence people.

  25. #42865

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    So glad you're ok, L. Thanks for checking in.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  26. #42866
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    Can I be honest and say I have not followed the whole mess.... I mean, yes, it is local to me, but really.... I just can't let myself be bothered with such things. Self defense against someone who was unarmed is quite hilarious to me.

    Stand Your Ground - from my understanding - generally applies when we are talking about your own residence/property and in that version of it, I agree with it whole heartedly.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  27. #42867

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    It's my opinion that we should always give a rat's a$$ and not let the mainstream media brainwash us. But obviously I give the most rat's a$$ about L and her family being safe.

  28. #42868
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    The defense didn't use Stand your ground, just regular old self defense. I don't think the jury made a mistake. The prosecution did not meet its burden. Was justice done? No.

    But yeah, vandalizing property, and harassing people that had nothing to do with anything - that's how to win friends and influence people.
    Really? I didn't realize that. I just heard so much about that law in the media this past year. I didn't follow the case really that much....just heard people talking about it on various TV shows and sometimes FF through it. I did hear in our local news that FL asks the jury to be absolutely certain which is a very high standard. in WI we are asked beyond a reasonable doubt which is high too but leaves more room. Gosh when I think about if I was on a jury and asked to be absolutely certain....how hard that would be. I would almost need a video of it that is clear or saw something myself to be absolutely certain.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  29. #42869
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    It's my opinion that we should always give a rat's a$$ and not let the mainstream media brainwash us. But obviously I give the most rat's a$$ about L and her family being safe.
    I find that the media causes people to obsess about things and it is not healthy. Between Casey Anthony and now this it has just been too much lately.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  30. #42870
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    It's my opinion that we should always give a rat's a$$ and not let the mainstream media brainwash us. But obviously I give the most rat's a$$ about L and her family being safe.
    I actually had the same problem as Chrissy and found very little in the mainstream media talking about the protests at all. So no brainwashing going on there.
    I'm all for peaceful protesting (even though I don't understand the point they are trying to accomplish with this particular one). I'm just saying that if I was in L's shoes....and had a mob heading towards my home and my family, I would be so focused on that....that I wouldn't care at all that everywhere else was peaceful.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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