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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #42511

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    Thanks for the welcome back! Good to be back. Won't say I don't miss Hawaii, though...

    So after her rough night of adjusting, Maiya seems to be back to herself. She slept just over 12 hours last night, and ended up being late for school today because she slept in, hah. My poor girl, though... Before school, she had NO clinginess or separation anxiety. The first day we went to check out her school, she looked at me and said "Mom, when are you going to leave?" Now that she goes there regularly, she's started getting a bit clingy when I drop her off. She tells me she doesn't like this school, because I can't stay with her, and she doesn't want to go. I told her all I do is work when she is gone, and she tells me she'd rather stay home and work with me!

    Myles, it is not easy, for sure! That's why we get out of the house EVERY SINGLE DAY. I couldn't literally stay home with her, even one day!

    Oh poor Apple! Lesson hard learned for Kai, I'm sure. I'm glad you found it in time and she is healing.

    Our heat wave here supposedly got up to the triple digits while I was gone, which is pretty rare. Now that I'm back, though, our highs are high 60s to low 70s... Boo! Naturally, the only two weeks we'll get of hot weather- when I would happily go swimming- were while I was gone. Figures!



  2. #42512

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    Ash, I would love your weather!

    Janet, don't be sad you missed the heat. It was gross. But then, I'm really happy when it's in the 70s.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  3. #42513
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    Separation anxiety is a real heart wrencher for mom. It does get better eventually though.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  4. #42514

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    You gals are all so quiet! C'mon! It's crickets here, quiet over on FB. I no longer have any guys i dated sending me entertaining-if-not-troubling e-mails. I actually have work I want to procrastinate from doing. I want updates from ALL of you, durnit!


  5. #42515
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    I am watching the bachelorette..trashy but I like it

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  6. #42516

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    You gals are all so quiet! C'mon! It's crickets here, quiet over on FB. I no longer have any guys i dated sending me entertaining-if-not-troubling e-mails. I actually have work I want to procrastinate from doing. I want updates from ALL of you, durnit!


  7. #42517
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    You gals are all so quiet! C'mon! It's crickets here, quiet over on FB. I no longer have any guys i dated sending me entertaining-if-not-troubling e-mails. I actually have work I want to procrastinate from doing. I want updates from ALL of you, durnit!

    I got nothing to say. I'm home all day and don't see anyone except DH and the dogs.

    I can share that it was entertaining watching Puppy discover that he could propel a plastic frappucino wrapper across the table just by breathing on it! He found this out after having it forcibly removed from his mouth and realizing after numerous attempts we would just keep taking it out of his mouth each time he tried to eat it. So he found other ways to play with it. Silly dog.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  8. #42518

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    Apple scratched her scab off! It was hanging in one long piece from her neck and we had to cut it. Now the wound is bloody again and she keeps scratching it! What should I do??

  9. #42519
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    That's cute Mandy!

    Work and a busy life interfere. Sorry! At least I have nothing major going on that I have to beotch about. That's a plus

    Finding out Jesi is having a girl was pretty exciting

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  10. #42520
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Apple scratched her scab off! It was hanging in one long piece from her neck and we had to cut it. Now the wound is bloody again and she keeps scratching it! What should I do??
    God Bridget, I have no idea. Would putting a bandage around it make it worse? Then you'd have to worry about that getting stuck on the new scab and ripping it back off when you tried to change it. Maybe Suja will come along with some advice.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  11. #42521

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    Other than that, life is boring 'round here as well. So. Hot. Yesterday we spent four hours at the beach. Today we played in the basement all day because it's cooler. We are such weirdos and hate to turn on the a/c. Winter is sooooo long that I just feel wrong repelling heat. Sawyer is turning into such a hilarious kid. It's crazy watching them grow into real people from tiny blobs of need.

  12. #42522

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    I'd probably have to take her to the vet if she has a big open wound on her neck They'll probably prescribe you some kind of creme for it.

    I really want to know honestly, how often is having to repeat ourselves to Josh considered normal? Not only on a daily basis, but multiple times a day we are having to tell him basic things like don't climb on the dog, don't climb on daddy when he asks you not to, stop swinging that plastic sword when mommy and daddy are not ready (not only to play fair but I have a giant scar on my spine that's extremely sensitive when hit) and that is really what drives me up the wall. The repeating myself. DH insists it's normal (but still gets angry when he has to repeat himself) but it's really wearing on me. I hate to throw around terms like ADD or ADHD since from what I hear, he doesn't exhibit this selective hearing at school. But it honestly seems like he has a problem at home. He cannot sit still for one second and therefore he's pretty accident prone. Falling over his own feet and knocking stuff over all the time. I don't know.

  13. #42523

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    I don't know what is considered normal but I have to repeat myself to Kai all day long. Even after 10 times of telling him to put on his shoes, he still does not put them on until I kneel in front of him, put his shoes in his hands, and tell him to do it. Which makes me wonder why I don't do that the first time. Surprisingly, since I stopped with the if p then q type warnings, he does stop his behaviors much more quickly and actually apologizes whereas before he would just do it 3 more times and scream and beg to get back whatever it was I was taking away. I know this is no help. I think the signs for adhd are so vague and without professional evaluation it's just hard to know what is normal.
    Last edited by Bridget; 07-08-2013 at 07:49 PM.

  14. #42524

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    So my next question is, how do you stay sane when you feel like nobody is listening to you? LOL

  15. #42525
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    Kate, I was just looking at your ticker to remind myself how old Josh is and he'll be seven pretty soon? Wow, I thought he was closer to six. Anyway, I think you will see a big improvement in patience and listening skills once he's past his seventh birthday, even more so once he's eight. I know, I know ... patience. But I think it will come. If you don't see that improvement once he's a little older it isn't unreasonable to have him checked out. Little boys can be little bundles of energy, and I think when they do switch it off for the classroom, they have even more of a need to get it out when they have time to romp and play at home.

    If you really find yourself imitating a broken record, maybe you can try some picture cues, like Bridget tried with Kai?
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  16. #42526
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    So my next question is, how do you stay sane when you feel like nobody is listening to you? LOL
    Sanity & motherhood do not go hand in hand. Sorry!!

    It does get better, but from what you've described it all seems pretty normal to me.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  17. #42527
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    So my next question is, how do you stay sane when you feel like nobody is listening to you? LOL
    Now, that I can't help you with! Other than to suggest Bridget's strategy of trying to step in before things get out of hand and you don't have to repeat yourself so many times. I'd give an example but it's kind of hard in the abstract.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  18. #42528
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    I've been thinking the same things about R. I have to say things multiple times, even though we have a very organized system and do the same things in the same order all the time. Also with the jumping on people. Also with putting on shoes. He loses his socks while he's getting dressed, even though they're all there in one pile, even though I'm standing there reminding him to get dressed and put underwear, shirt, pants, socks, shoes on. Over and over. At eye level. Then it's, "I don't have socks!!!!!!!" Tragedy. Day camp said he wasn't hearing them when they addressed him directly. He can sit and color or work on a project for hours, though. I have been looking at symptoms and it's troublesome, although I'm willing to watch and wait until it seems to be directly affecting his schoolwork. It does seem to be affecting some of his relationships, though, and it's a shame that our 3-year-old has some better impulse control.


  19. #42529

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    Thanks ladies. It's not that I'm just going insane but I'm also starting to feel kind of hopeless. I know this comes from my history with depression too but every day when you have to get on both your husband and your son for not listening to things I've been repeating for years...it starts to make me feel a little insignificant. Like the things I ask of my family are not important to them.

    Yes, I can't believe he's closer to 7 too. Sometimes I look at him and he looks so mature and then other times, like when I was watching him yawn tonight, he looks exactly as he did as a baby. It's been a weird little phase. If it weren't for broken record syndrome I'd have to say it was my favorite so far. I do hope he does shift a little around 7 or 8 and then sometimes I get worried thinking this is just a permanent trait that will just change forms as he matures. I worry, if he's not listening to me when he's 6, what's going to get him to listen when he's 16? It seems like he doesn't care about any consequences, and this goes back to the "if you don't x then y" thing but when we say things like "We're taking away points on your chart if you pull Bo's ears again" he laughs and keeps doing it, so we take away the points and he cries for a little bit and goes back to doing it. I just don't understand it.

  20. #42530

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    Haven't been doing much since I've had this stupid virus. I'm in the nagging, itchy cough portion. Feeling kinda crabby. Dh has been really sweet all weekend, though, taking care of N and letting me rest. Tonight he went way out of his way down to the south bay to pick up dd1 at her friend's house as she came back from her adventure trip to LA. I was going to have to go down there - an hour and a half in traffic each way - with N and feeling like crap, so he did it even though he just finished his workday and still has to try to get shoes and a belt for that premiere he goes to tomorrow. (One of the small disadvantages to being a guy who goes to work in t-shirts and jeans is that he does not own any nice clothes when he needs them. He's never owned a suit in his life.)
    Anyway, he's racking up some points but I'm still crabby because I really just want to rest and at the moment, as I'm writing this email, a three year old is walking her small plastic pet cow over my head, around my ear, down my chest and into my shirt, while she pesters me with "Are you ready now, Mama? Are you ready now? Now? Now?" to go dig dirt with her in her little garden bed.

    I do have a super-tmi question I've been thinking of asking on fb, but have been waiting until I'm in the right mood to overshare.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  21. #42531

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    Sooooo... do you all think it's primarily a boy thing? The in-one-ear-and-out-the-other trait, I mean?

  22. #42532

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    Gretchen, I have the bug too. Hope we're better by midweek!

    Bridget, I would probably take Apple to the vet too at this point.
    Lulu scratched a cyst off her head earlier this year and it looked like burger meat. She needed to be stitched up.

  23. #42533
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Sooooo... do you all think it's primarily a boy thing? The in-one-ear-and-out-the-other trait, I mean?
    Hmmmm...my kneejerk reaction would be to say that's been my experience, but I do remember a few rules I had to repeat for what felt like FOR-EV-ER to Bobbie & Jesi too. I think I might have given up by the time Syd came along.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  24. #42534

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    I've seen some of Josh's girl friends act the same way on the playground but that's a very limited observance. I'd guess that it isn't necessarily boys more than girls.

    Glad DD1 is back from her trip Gretchen, did all go well? (sorry you're sick though)

  25. #42535
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Sooooo... do you all think it's primarily a boy thing? The in-one-ear-and-out-the-other trait, I mean?
    I think it's developmental, boys and girls both. I think it can be more frustrating in boys sometimes, though.

    And Bridget, I meant to add that I would take Apple in to the vet, also. Poor kitty.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  26. #42536
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Sooooo... do you all think it's primarily a boy thing? The in-one-ear-and-out-the-other trait, I mean?
    Yes. I have heard a lot of similar things about my dh from my mil.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  27. #42537
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    Agree on taking Apple in.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  28. #42538
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    So, since this seems to be a recurring theme all over APA today, I'm actually going through a similar phase with puppy. He's reached that adolescent age and he just ... doesn't ... listen. I think it's compounded by the fact that I was gone, then came back, then DH was gone, and then came back, and puppy is all at sea and not sure where to look for direction. But while DH was gone I found myself just losing my patience entirely and flat-out yelling at him, which didn't do the tiniest bit of good. Just made me mad and put him on edge. What's worse, Gwennie started snapping at him after I yelled at him, too. Like, let's all gang up on the irritating puppy.

    As far as puppy goes, I know more training is the answer. But it has really made me wonder if I have the tolerance/patience at my age to be a mother. After all, if I can't handle throwing a rope for puppy to fetch for longer than 10 minutes ... how am I going to entertain a child all day?

    One part of me says I will feel differently with a baby than with a puppy, but another part of me is afraid I won't feel differently. There are women who pay no attention to their children and yell at them all the time. I see those women at work with totally messed up children, and I don't want to be that person!

    Am I worrying too much?
    Last edited by Gwenn; 07-08-2013 at 08:40 PM.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  29. #42539

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    Dh is picking dd1 up now. They're going to get some dinner on the way home so won't be home til late. I think she did have a very good time, but I can't wait to hear all of the details! She is a funny kid -- loves to talk to me when she's at home, tells me everything about her life, wants to hang out... but as soon as she leaves the house it's like pulling teeth to get her to drop even a 3 word text to me. I think I got about 20 words total over all three days -- "we're here," "at the hotel," "G missed his bus back," (longest one!). She only does what I expressly ask (like, 'text me when you get to the hotel,") and only in as few words as possible. So I'm always kind of flying blind when she's on trips. But she's a great traveler, very responsible (way more than she is at home!) and sensible. And I do get the dirt when she gets home.

    About the repeating things - I've always had to do that with dd1, but I just assumed it was because she's creative and a little daydreamy. Now that she's older I ask for verbal confirmation back of what I just told her (not just "ok" - she has to repeat it back to me). And I find lists work great for her as reminders.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  30. #42540

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    It has been my experience that it is not just boys. Also my experience that i have a lot more patience for my children than I ever had or have for my pets. Kate, I stay sane with lots of humor and equal amounts of wine. Seriously, I really just have to laugh sometimes when we get halfway to the store and Sawyer is screaming that he has to go poop and Kai is suddenly realizing he never put his shoes on. And we're already running late. I'm not saying the laugh isn't maniacal, but it's a laugh nonetheless. I sane is the last thing I would call myself. But seriously, with Josh, don't take it personally. Can I recommend the book Unconditional Parenting? I love Alfie Kohn and he wrote it. He's a wise man.

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