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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #42091

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    Christina, it's awesome you have a job so close, I am jealous! Sucks, though, that all the better jobs are so much further... Wish there were a happy medium somewhere!

    I had a tongue tie that caused speech problems, too. Once I got that fixed, though, I seem to be relatively normal!

    Yeah, Jennifer, I love seeing and hearing how she's grown! Most of her baby words are gone now... Like milk used to be "dabt" (don't ask me...), but now she can say milk, and people actually understand that one! Maybe as much from context as pronunciation, but still...

    And ugh, IF... Our first IUI worked the first time, which is how we got Maiya. So when we started trying again, I really never thought it would be over 3 years later and still nothing... Otherwise I might have just gone straight to adoption, too. But that costs a lot and takes a lot of time, neither of which I feel I have now. Of course, so will 3 more years of IUIs... I have no idea where to go from here. Do I keep trying the same exact IUI combination over and over? Do I stop and save for a year or two for a IVF? Do I stop and save for adoption? Do I just give up? I don't know, and to be honest, I don't even want to think about it... <sigh>

    Thanks for the input, Suja, and sharing the video. She is too cute!!

    Mandy, glad to know I'm not imagining issues where there are none. Like I said, I mostly notice because I feel like I am translating for her so often... She seems to do ok with an initial "f". In this video, she says "funner", "fun", "first", "finally"... I seem to hear the "f"s ok... But I don't know what I'm doing, and never heard the "t" you mentioned!

    But works for me! I'll try to pay attention to specifics, like dropping the first sound and the "f" sound, but not really reasses for a few more months. Then maybe I'll ask you again before I thinkg about taking her somewhere? Maybe being in preschool now will help, too.

    Still glad to know that despite her speech, her language is fairly good! I'll focus on that for now, hah.

    Oh, I loved signing with Maiya! She's always been hard to understand. If I remember correctly, when she first started talking, "that", "dog", "dad", and something else... All sounded exactly the same, like "da". Only signing let me know what she was saying! I taught her "please" as her first sign. I know it still presents the same issue as "more", but it makes me feel better at least, haha!



  2. #42092
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    What has been interesting to me over the years is that there have been lots of posts from which it is pretty obvious that there is something going on that is worthy of investigation, but a lot of people seem to choose the one-offs who say 'My aunt's cousin's in-law's sister's daughter's kids all said not a word until they were 5, and they are JUST FINE now', over the words of a professional such as yourself. Half the time, I want to say, 'But MANDY said it. LISTEN to her'.

    Our Mandy. She knows her stuff!

    IMO, if you're concerned, get it checked out. So the professional might think you're nuts, but that's better than there actually being a problem that goes untreated.

  3. #42093

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    What would we do without you, Mandy!
    Yes, this! We love you, Mandy!! Thank you!


    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Probably worry a lot less!

    You made me feel better, both knowing I wasn't imaging things and knowing that I don't have to worry yet... So yup, argue all you like, you're just awesome.



  4. #42094
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    Suja...that is a cute bed! I never had the same bed for all those years. I think I had at least 4 maybe 5 growing up. But usually that just involved changing a headboard. Or more in the case of the bunkbeds. I think that is why I decided to just get an Ikea crib instead of a super spendy convertible one. I know me and will want to change it most likely in terms of style. Plus the room is just not big enough to have a full size in a kid room.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  5. #42095
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    Mandy rocks the SLP world

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  6. #42096
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    Somewhere in the video (most of the way through it, I think) I heard her say "from" with a /t/ in the beginning ("tum"), but it was just after another word she switched t/k and I think maybe she was on a roll. I hadn't been paying attention to the /f/ sound before that so she could have said it a billion times and it just didn't sink in. It just caught my ear. No big deal. I did notice it at the end of the word further on in the video.

    Or maybe she was saying something else entirely and I didn't understand what she was saying, which is also possible...

    As for "please," yes there are the same issues but in my opinion it's a step up from "more" - just because as an adult she'll continue to say, "I'd like a glass of water, please." Please is actually part of a polite request. You only use more when you mean ... well, more.

    I actually have seen kids who had that "more" means "want" so firmly entrenched that when the teacher tried to show them "more" as a mathematical concept - "Who has more apples?" The kid thought he was being offered the apples himself (they were in a picture) and started looking around at his dad and saying, "more apple!" to ask for an apple. Just unnecessarily confusing. Where if he said "apple please" (or even "please apple") it would make perfect sense.

    I think we are both in the same place with where to proceed from here with IUI/treatments/adoption. Just a lot to think about.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  7. #42097
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    Quote Originally Posted by smplyme89 View Post
    mandy rocks the slp world
    All hail the great Mandini!
    Last edited by Suja; 06-17-2013 at 12:13 PM.

  8. #42098
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    LOL ... as my mother would say, I might get a swelled head. And apparently that would be a bad thing.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  9. #42099
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    What has been interesting to me over the years is that there have been lots of posts from which it is pretty obvious that there is something going on that is worthy of investigation, but a lot of people seem to choose the one-offs who say 'My aunt's cousin's in-law's sister's daughter's kids all said not a word until they were 5, and they are JUST FINE now', over the words of a professional such as yourself. Half the time, I want to say, 'But MANDY said it. LISTEN to her'.

    Our Mandy. She knows her stuff!

    IMO, if you're concerned, get it checked out. So the professional might think you're nuts, but that's better than there actually being a problem that goes untreated.
    I'm with you on this, though ... and the biggest red flag of it all is not that I said anything, but that the kid's mom made the post in the first place. So deep down, she is worried and should get an opinion to set her mind at ease.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  10. #42100
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    Janet, definitely hard questions. Had I been thin, I might have gone for more IF treatments but knew that odds were worse for me because of the extra weight (and that was before I found the most recent 40 lbs....they told me to lose weight so I did the opposite....I guess I'm not good at being told what to do!). Now if one of the IVF shared risks had been an option for me....might really have tried that. Adoption is in some ways easier...no hormones, nothing much to do once the initial stuff is done. Some people have a short wait, some people have a long wait. Each state has such different laws. And then there is the openness. In most cases we will meet the birth mom/family and in most cases have a continuing relationship with her/them. Which we feel kind of wary about now but most we have talked to felt that way also and in the end change their minds and feel that it's a good thing.
    Now the trick is to get matched....which we have pretty much no control over.....before my DH turns 40 and changes his mind. In his head he doesn't want to be in his 40's with a baby...not when we started trying in our 20's.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  11. #42101

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    I'm glad you started signing! That's a really great way to see progress. It does take time, unfortunately.

    My tips - teach him signs for specific things he likes. Ball, milk, banana, etc. That way he knows to use a specific word to get what he wants. It's very common to start with signing "more" and then the kid learns "more" means "I want." Next thing you know, you're sitting on the couch and he walks up to you and signs "more" and you are wondering, "more what?" And then you're back to the guessing game. Doesn't teach the message you are trying to teach, that using a word will get him something right away. Even verbs, "eat," "drink," "play" will get him what he wants more quickly.

    Just a soap box for me - I get really frustrated trying to un-teach "more" after kids have turned it into an all-purpose word. But actually most therapists start by teaching "more" so it's just a pet peeve I'm going to have to deal with.
    Great point! He has started signing more for everything and it's frustrating because I still don't know what he wants. I'll work on more specific things. I did forget one word that he says regularly, BOOBAH. All.the.time. And I'm pretty sure he thinks the sign for that is sticking his hand down my cleavage. UGH.
    AKA Lisa724

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Plus the room is just not big enough to have a full size in a kid room.
    Mira's room is quite small. Between the bed and the two existing giant bookshelves, there is not a lot of room left for anything else. The one plus is that it has a nice closet, so at least we don't have to buy anything to store her clothes.

  13. #42103
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    Quote Originally Posted by MashedUp View Post
    And I'm pretty sure he thinks the sign for that is sticking his hand down my cleavage. UGH.
    Which reminds me. I had a couple of guys over to give me quotes on doing the yard maintenance. The entire time I'm trying to talk to them, my kid is sitting in my lap, trying to pull down my shirt, and saying something about a hole. I assumed that my cami or T had a hole in it. Nope. She was asking about the hole that is my cleavage!

  14. #42104
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    Hi all! Big day around here. Kindergarten graduation for Conner, and 8th grade (middle school) graduation for Syd. Conner isn't feeling well and I'm worried he'll miss his last day tomorrow Syd opted to stay for the remainder of the day to hang out with her friends.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  15. #42105

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    Yeah, there's even a part in that video where I'm not sure what she's saying! The part that I translated as "and that so long", I'm really not sure what she's saying. But she's also so quiet, she's hard to hear.

    And on please, yes, that's exactly why I chose that one! She started signing at 12 months, and she would sign "please please please please", and I was thinking "Man, to think other kids are signing 'more' like that! Would drive me crazy..." And same with them getting older, like you said. I didn't want to teach her to come up to me and just say "MORE!"

    I would have never thought of them using "more" like "want". That story about "more apples" is so sad... But that's why you are, as Suja says, the great Mandini!

    And yes, yes, too much to think about. Where's our crystal ball, to let us know for sure what the best option is??

    Well, Jennifer, I don't know, maybe it's better your way. I am thin, and I had one success, so I thought this would work. It hasn't, obviously, and from my track record, I'm beginning to think it never will. Ah, well, the grass is always greener on the other side, as they say...

    And Suja, the bed is cute! I bet Mira's room, and Jennifer's baby's room, are so put together. Maiya's is gigantic, but really just thrown together. Nothing matches, hah.



  16. #42106

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    Ah, the classic "hand down the shirt" sign... Yes... Maiya made up her own sign for "nurse". I must've patted my chest when I asked if she wanted to nurse, because she would pat her chest to let me know when she wanted to nurse. Aw... Makes me all nostalgic! Wish I'd got that on video, but I don't think I did...

    Suja, the guys must've enjoyed that!

    Congrat to Conner and Syd! I hope Conner feels better...



  17. #42107
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    Mandy, does signing seem to delay talking? I don't know much about it but it just feels like I remember seeing that somewhere once upon a time.

    yeah I want a crystal ball too.

    My nursery is still a guest room as of right now. It's actually a pretty cute guest room with dark furniture and shades of grey bedding, light grey walls and bright colored artwork. A queen bed, dresser and small nightstand pretty much take up the room. We can throw the rest of it together pretty quickly now that we have decided on Ikea and white for dresser and crib and probably a cube storeage thing. Already have the bedding and decor. And already put paint up on the walls (just have a picture hanging over it right now) to test colors.
    It would really bug my DH to just have stuff not match. OMG we took forever to decide on furniture because I wanted darker to utilize the dresser we already had. He didn't want that. He wanted natural....because the office next to that room has black furniture and he didn't want two dark furniture rooms next to each other. I was like, huh???? Finally I got him to agree to white and that it is ok if a boy had white furniture for 2 years as a BABY. His mom didn't help saying that white was for girls. Until I showed her some blue and white nurseries that were definitely baby boy's rooms. For a straight guy....my DH really cares a lot about decorating and how the house looks. Only room really still to work on is the living room.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  18. #42108
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    So...question for you guys. I'm probably going to sound like a total hypocrite because I'm always haranguing people on here to get their 2 and 3 year olds checked out, but I'm worried about my brother's son, who is 13 turning 14 this summer. I really, really, really think he has Asperger's. I've been worried about him for many years now and just haven't been able to bring it up to my brother. I have literally begged my mother to talk to him, and she backs down, and my sister tells me that P has enough going on in his life to worry about and doesn't need one more thing, so I should NOT say anything. For myself, I'm not privy to that much of my brother's secrets so I wouldn't know. I adore him but we don't have a close relationship and usually we only talk when we see each other once a year. We don't even have much contact on facebook.

    My nephew is super bright, not language delayed in a classic sense, and through elementary school never had any problems in school. He is way into science and builds computers from parts. Part of me has been hoping the school would suggest testing him and the question would be out of my hands, but I think he's one of those kids that even though a teacher might see he's different from the other kids, he doesn't have learning difficulties so it never occurred to them to test him. My mother says his dad has said he's starting to have trouble with organizational skills, like remembering to complete homework and turn in assignments. The sort of thing that is normal teenage stuff, but also super common in kids with Asperger's.

    I have noticed the following:
    Sensory issues - he still, at almost 14, eats the "toddler diet" of macaroni and cheese and chicken nuggets. He will still have tantrums if people try to get him to eat anything else. He once had a major meltdown when my parents were watching him and Dad got him a milkshake with malt. Andrew had never had malt and cried for the rest of the night (he was 11 at the time) and when his father came home, begged him for a glass of chocolate milk, which his father got for him immediately. My dad - Grandpa - was angry because he couldn't see that chocolate milk and a chocolate malt milkshake weren't the exact same thing (I think my dad has Asperger's, too, but that's for another post).
    He also, around age 9-12 or so, constantly wore a wristband. I saw him wearing one with Spongebob Squarepants and asked him if he was really into Spongebob, and he said, no, he didn't care about the character but really liked the way the band felt around his wrist and apparently he had one he'd worn for literally years and never taken it off. His stepsister got him the Spongebob one so he would take the other one off and wash it.

    Socially - all the other kids think he's strange and keep their distance. My sister's son, his 1st cousin and less than 6 months older, doesn't initiate conversation with A. J is very outgoing and has tons of friends, which I saw when we were up there. He had very little interaction with A.
    A has obsessions, which is part of the diagnostic indicators for Asperger's, in his case video games (which is a normal thing for a teenager to be obsessed with, but to an obsessive degree). Two years ago when I saw him, age 12, he was really into the game Minecraft (which I didn't realize until later, but apparently LOTS of kids with Asperger's are obsessed with Minecraft). He flew out to AZ to attend a party for my mother, and when I first saw him on that trip I had just driven halfway up a mountain, walked up to him, and said, "Hi." He said, "I know how to build a fire without any matches." I said, "How is that?" And realized halfway through his answer that he was describing a video game. I later realized it was Minecraft - had never heard of it before. Every single sentence that child spoke to me the entire trip (I am not exaggerating) was about Minecraft. Except when I tried to ask him about his baby half brother, who was 18 months old. He was totally unable to tell me anything at all about the baby, even the color of the baby's hair or eyes, but described in great detail the lock on A's bedroom door and how he was going to make it completely baby-proof.

    My sister just told me when I was in NY that the only music A has on his iPod is soundtracks to his video games. We are an extremely musical family - my mother, all my siblings, myself, and my sister's kids all play instruments to one degree or another and we ALL love listening to music. A's mom likes listening to music, too. My sister said she was telling him that there was a whole world of music out there, and he should try some new things. He told her he liked his video game soundtracks, that was it. End of discussion.

    At my niece's graduation party, he spent the entire time on his phone texting a friend (they were texting puns about a computer burger joint - like he wanted his burger steamed) Didn't look up even when my BIL played a video on the TV screen. My almost SIL kept trying to get him to talk to my other nephew J but he didn't engage. Two hours into the party, A's iPhone battery died. (J, being a helpful kid and not malicious in any way, asked him mom if she had an iPhone charger for A to use - he wasn't trying to shut A out). Apparently after that, he was forced to talk and SIL got him to talk to my niece's boyfriend about Star Trek. They ended up having a great conversation, which wouldn't have happened at all if his phone battery hadn't died.

    I really think this kid has major social issues, and I'm worried not so much about right now - his parents seem to be handling it decently well - but when he gets out on his own. I know too much about this condition. The rates of college dropout, unemployment, depression, and even attempted suicide among young adults with Asperger's are apalling. Actually these "high functioning" kids have MORE trouble than kids with more significant needs, because they are so bright people expect them to be able to function in other areas of their life, and they don't know how. Where as the kids who are lower functioning, people adjust their expectations down. I had a re-hashing of the same conversation with my sister that I have had multiple times before - yes, I do think there is a problem. Yes, I do think he meets the diagnostic criteria for Asperger's (now obsolete - it's now all Autism in the DSM-V and I think he meets the DSM-V Autism, too). Yes, there are things that can be done about it. He can get therapy to address social interaction. If he has a diagnosis, he can get accommodations at school - he doesn't need special education, but he can get accommodations for things like turning in assignments and organizing his notes that will help him learn how to manage in high school and in college. And once again my sister stresses about whether we should say anything to my brother or not.

    I just don't know how to handle it. Should I say something to him, knowing that we aren't close?

    Here are some references for just why I'm concerned:
    http://www.succeedsocially.com/aspergers
    http://www.yourlittleprofessor.com/college.html
    http://psychcentral.com/news/2012/03...ers/35865.html
    http://blog.autismspeaks.org/2011/10...t-partnership/
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    I find it difficult to imagine his parents aren't aware of his differences. Is it possible they do have him seeing someone but they're opting to keep it private?

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  20. #42110
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    I had to lol a little at the Minecraft. Conner loves that game I know there are lots and lots of kids on it. Even my director's 13 year old son plays.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Mandy, does signing seem to delay talking? I don't know much about it but it just feels like I remember seeing that somewhere once upon a time.
    That's an extremely common misconception, but the reality is exactly the opposite. Signing facilitates talking. Because of how the speech mechanism matures vs. how fine motor skills in the hands mature, children are physically able to produce signs at a younger age than they are to produce words - average age of "first sign" in a deaf/signing household is 10 months vs. 12 months for age of first word. Kids who sign earlier learn language concepts younger and once they are able to speak the sounds it transfers right over. It's a massive head start to communication. I have every intention of signing with my kids should I ever have any, starting around 4-6 months to model the words, hoping to see it emerge around 10 months.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    I find it difficult to imagine his parents aren't aware of his differences. Is it possible they do have him seeing someone but they're opting to keep it private?
    No. Almost-SIL asks me all the time, "Is that normal?" And I tell her no.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    I had to lol a little at the Minecraft. Conner loves that game I know there are lots and lots of kids on it. Even my director's 13 year old son plays.
    Oh, it's not the fact that he plays it. It's the level of obsession.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    I find it difficult to imagine his parents aren't aware of his differences. Is it possible they do have him seeing someone but they're opting to keep it private?
    Actually, once when my brother was in town and I was working with a self-contained class of children with Autism, I invited them to school one day. This was a class of severely impaired kids - half of them didn't talk at all. When they left my brother told me he didn't see anything different about those kids and they seemed perfectly normal to him. These were kids the same age as his son.

    And my friend who taught the class told me she totally agreed with me about him being on the autism spectrum.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Suja, that bed is adorable! I am on the hunt for a toddler bed, but it makes me sad looking for one, my baby is growing up

    Nolan still shoves his hand down my shirt and will even tweak my nipple if it is available I keep wondering if he’ll ask to nurse when this LO gets here, I know he still remembers.

    Mandy that is a difficult situation to be in. I want to say yes, if you truly believe there is a problem (especially considering your knowledge on the subject) than something needs to be said, but I just worry that it’ll upset them to the point of damaging your relationship with them (though I would hope they would see your genuine concern and not react that way).

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Mandy that is a difficult situation to be in. I want to say yes, if you truly believe there is a problem (especially considering your knowledge on the subject) than something needs to be said, but I just worry that it’ll upset them to the point of damaging your relationship with them (though I would hope they would see your genuine concern and not react that way).
    That's exactly what I'm worried about.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Ah interesting Mandy. I had never really looked into it or anything but for some reason had that idea in my head that it would delay things. Dont know if I would do it myself...depends probably how much sleep baby is letting us get if we can learn signs ourselves or not.

    that is hard, I think that I would say something...if you don't feel like you can to your brother, maybe you can to your almost SIL?

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Ah interesting Mandy. I had never really looked into it or anything but for some reason had that idea in my head that it would delay things. Dont know if I would do it myself...depends probably how much sleep baby is letting us get if we can learn signs ourselves or not.

    that is hard, I think that I would say something...if you don't feel like you can to your brother, maybe you can to your almost SIL?
    When I first heard about it I was taking my very first speech classes and of course was in that position where I knew very little about the subject but thought I knew all kinds of stuff. I had that same reaction - that couldn't be a good thing! - but I realize now just how wrong that was.

    That's not a bad suggestion to approach almost SIL. I know she is concerned about him.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  29. #42119
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    I would definitely want to have clearly (and you are of course always tactful!) explained why you are concerned and how those reasons lead you to believe what you do. And definitely mention ways that he could be helped. I haven't looked into that at all really and my first thought was so what if he's aspergers....can't do anything about that. But clearly there are things that they can do to help. I would want to know that my kid wasn't just getting a label but that there was help.

    Makes me wonder how many of those kids in school way back when had something like that. I think pretty much most us have had classes growing up and there was always the kid or two kids that were just different. Something beyond shy.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    Jennifer, here is an article for you on signs and language development. Likely with your database you can find the original publication, although a copy is available for free on a baby signing website.

    It isn't like learning a new language, because you aren't actually learning ASL. It's more like learning some hand signs to go with dog training - I think you do that already? It isn't overwhelming and even a few is better than none. I think I know about 15 signs but I used use them with students all the time.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 06-17-2013 at 02:24 PM.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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