Secular Confessions

[girlwonder]

I confess that I love looking at wedding dresses on REAL brides rather than perfect models.

[daylilies]

I confess my little rant about DH last night turned into a serious discussion with him about how he's been miserable for a while now and thinks our relationship is crap and how if he wanted a room mate he would have stayed with the one he had before he met me. He wants some hunky dory fantasy marriage with the woman of his dreams and I guess he thinks it's been crap all along and he's just been putting up with it but I guess now enough is enough. He can't be that miserable if he just bought a house with me. It's just this dumb job change getting him down. He's a comcast installer now, and he works with a bunch of guys who hate their wives, he goes into nursing homes where he sees people alone and losing their minds and he sees himself heading that way so he chooses to take it out on me. I can't even get him to go upstairs and say goodnight to our son without sighing because it's "8:30". 1, it was 8:15 and 2, wow, that's not late. Hello!
So we stayed up until midnight talking then he rolled over and fell asleep. I cried myself to sleep. He always does that. He dumps all his problems on me, goes to sleep and leaves me with all the baggage. I hope he feels better now.

I don't know who I am or how people see me anymore. I don't know what's really going on and what's just stress from a new job, moving, etc.

Then I tried to talk to a "friend" on messenger and she kinda blew me off. First she gave me a hard time because she said MIL was controlling my decisions because I put off starting potty training yesterday when she wanted to take Josh for the day. Then in another topic she tells me she never says no to her kids and wouldn't say anything to them that she wouldn't say to a friend. I did not tell her this but honestly, there's a difference between being respectful to your friends and being a parent to your kids.
edited to make more clear

[sunrider]

I'm bummed I finally spoke my mind on a thread in here last night, and now I'm home from work, excited to see how it evolved, and its gone. Anyone know what happened, please PM me!!!!

I even quoted you in that thread cause I liked what you said!!!!

Okay, this isn't really secular, its kind of political, but mostly its about my utter confusion about what's going on in the states right now. Why is everyone on every side calling everyone else a Nazi? Obama is a Nazi say the crazy-kind of right winger (also calling him a communist, which is extra confusing since fascism is really not at all like communism, so you don't get to be both, not to mention he is neither), but now I hear some right-winger types saying that THEY are being called Nazi's for this-or-that?

Why are so many people so eager to jump RIGHT to Nazi? Its, um, rather extreme. And, uh, not really accurate. On either side. Dear people of the USA who are losing it. Please chill out. Your crazy spell is freaking the rest of us out. Thank you!

I confess I have almost no idea what's going on. Tred and I rarely watch the news and stay out of political stuff.

[heartmyboyz]

So we stayed up until midnight talking then he rolled over and fell asleep. I cried myself to sleep. He always does that. He dumps all his problems on me, goes to sleep and leaves me with all the baggage. I hope he feels better now.

I don't know who I am or how people see me anymore. I don't know what's really going on and what's just stress from a new job, moving, etc.

Then I tried to talk to a "friend" on messenger and she kinda blew me off.

I confess I have almost no idea what's going on.

I confess neither do I.

[WillowSpy]

I confess I have almost no idea what's going on. Tred and I rarely watch the news and stay out of political stuff.

Yeah, reading anything more than a brief headline/summary makes my blood pressure go crazy and upsets me for the rest of the day so I just don't do it anymore. It's not worth my health.

I confess I wish I had gotten a chance to read Seneca's response to the thread!

I confess that I must be the only person in this room (and maybe on this board) who really, honestly, is only mad at her husband maybe 5% of the time. Maybe I am just a huge pushover? I mean I can't imagine that he's that much better than so many other husbands. I guess another part of it might be that we have no kiddos yet... as much as I think he will be great with them, you never know for sure.

I confess many, many for Kate.

[Janeen]

Yeah, reading anything more than a brief headline/summary makes my blood pressure go crazy and upsets me for the rest of the day so I just don't do it anymore. It's not worth my health.

I confess I wish I had gotten a chance to read Seneca's response to the thread!

I confess that I must be the only person in this room (and maybe on this board) who really, honestly, is only mad at her husband maybe 5% of the time. Maybe I am just a huge pushover? I mean I can't imagine that he's that much better than so many other husbands. I guess another part of it might be that we have no kiddos yet... as much as I think he will be great with them, you never know for sure.

I confess many, many for Kate.

Me and Big E have discussed this before too.

[elmobo-n-lexi]

Yeah, reading anything more than a brief headline/summary makes my blood pressure go crazy and upsets me for the rest of the day so I just don't do it anymore. It's not worth my health.

I confess I wish I had gotten a chance to read Seneca's response to the thread!

I confess that I must be the only person in this room (and maybe on this board) who really, honestly, is only mad at her husband maybe 5% of the time. Maybe I am just a huge pushover? I mean I can't imagine that he's that much better than so many other husbands. I guess another part of it might be that we have no kiddos yet... as much as I think he will be great with them, you never know for sure.


I confess many, many for Kate.

Nope, we have two kiddos and are the happiest people alive. Seriously. In the beginning after we had Elmobo we went through lots of stuff. But...we grew up. We're a team, not a mom and dad. A team. I DO think my DH is better than a lot of other husbands. LOL. But I think i'm biased!!

[elmobo-n-lexi]

Me and Big E have discussed this before too.

Yep. We have awesome DH's!!

[WillowSpy]

Hahaha can I join the club? In my case I think its a combo of DH being a genuinely good guy but also me being sort of laid back/not "in charge".

[elmobo-n-lexi]

I'm laid back too. I don't get worked up over too much. But so is DH. We're very "chill" people. We have grown up together, and I think that helped. We don't go crazy over stuff we can't control, and we just let things roll as we go.

[Janeen]

DH is more anal than I am but that's grand with me, it keeps our house cleaned and stuff. Haha!

[daylilies]

Yeah, reading anything more than a brief headline/summary makes my blood pressure go crazy and upsets me for the rest of the day so I just don't do it anymore. It's not worth my health.

I confess I wish I had gotten a chance to read Seneca's response to the thread!

I confess that I must be the only person in this room (and maybe on this board) who really, honestly, is only mad at her husband maybe 5% of the time. Maybe I am just a huge pushover? I mean I can't imagine that he's that much better than so many other husbands. I guess another part of it might be that we have no kiddos yet... as much as I think he will be great with them, you never know for sure.

I confess many, many for Kate.

I believe that maybe you do just have a great relationship. We have had communication and trust issues from the beginning. But we've always thought it better, I guess, to work with it rather than throw in the towel. Thing is I think we bury most of our problems rather than resolving them. I know it's not healthy.
I really applaud and envy those great relationships. I know part of it is my mental issues. When I'm on a high note everything is fine. But when things go bad it's like no way out. I wish I knew if there was hope for us to bond like I want us to, or if certain couples with certain personalities just cannot do it. Really, those of you who are very happy in your relationships, don't take it for granted. It's certainly not the norm, it seems.

[girlwonder]

I will say that I get mad at my dh more now than I did pre-child. It gets a bit dicey with roles, who should do what, especially at 3:30 am when neither one of us wants to do anything. And because I am home and he works, by default I get to take care of the house (I HATE HATE HATE all housework except mopping. I like to mop).

[sunrider]

Add Tred and I to the list of happy marriages. We look at our relationship as a partnership. (which is just the opposite of his mother's opinion who feels men should be firmly "under the thumb" of their wives . . . .)

[Bridget]

I will say that I get mad at my dh more now than I did pre-child. It gets a bit dicey with roles, who should do what, especially at 3:30 am when neither one of us wants to do anything. And because I am home and he works, by default I get to take care of the house (I HATE HATE HATE all housework except mopping. I like to mop).

See, I truly don't think I saw dbf's true colors before we had kids. Our life was so easy that we had no reason to fight. We never, ever fought. We worked in the bar industry so we both made plenty of money and didn't have to work all that often (3-4 nights a week). We were just having straight up fun all of the time.
Then we had Savana and I found out he believed that kids and housework were 100% the woman's job. It's been a long hard battle to make him see that it's not the way I roll. In retrospect, I should have gotten to know him a little better before having his kids but it is what it is! I'm determined to make the best of it.

[shutterbird]

I confess that I love looking at wedding dresses on REAL brides rather than perfect models.

Me too!!

I confess my little rant about DH last night turned into a serious discussion with him about how he's been miserable for a while now and thinks our relationship is crap and how if he wanted a room mate he would have stayed with the one he had before he met me. He wants some hunky dory fantasy marriage with the woman of his dreams and I guess he thinks it's been crap all along and he's just been putting up with it but I guess now enough is enough. He can't be that miserable if he just bought a house with me. It's just this dumb job change getting him down. He's a comcast installer now, and he works with a bunch of guys who hate their wives, he goes into nursing homes where he sees people alone and losing their minds and he sees himself heading that way so he chooses to take it out on me. I can't even get him to go upstairs and say goodnight to our son without sighing because it's "8:30". 1, it was 8:15 and 2, wow, that's not late. Hello!
So we stayed up until midnight talking then he rolled over and fell asleep. I cried myself to sleep. He always does that. He dumps all his problems on me, goes to sleep and leaves me with all the baggage. I hope he feels better now.

Oh Kate, I'm sorry!

See, I truly don't think I saw dbf's true colors before we had kids. Our life was so easy that we had no reason to fight. We never, ever fought. We worked in the bar industry so we both made plenty of money and didn't have to work all that often (3-4 nights a week). We were just having straight up fun all of the time.
Then we had Savana and I found out he believed that kids and housework were 100% the woman's job. It's been a long hard battle to make him see that it's not the way I roll. In retrospect, I should have gotten to know him a little better before having his kids but it is what it is! I'm determined to make the best of it.

SAME HERE! Except, no bar work, but we were both living it up and loving it.

[WillowSpy]

Add Tred and I to the list of happy marriages. We look at our relationship as a partnership. (which is just the opposite of his mother's opinion who feels men should be firmly "under the thumb" of their wives . . . .)

YES!!! My mom is perpetually giving me crap about not being controlling enough, not being in charge, not pulling the strings... I don't think she understands that I'm happy and that my marriage is, sadly, healthier than hers (I seriously think my parents got with each other for convenience from the get go )

[Luna]

pretty happy over here. Probably in the mad less than 10% (not 5%). Topping my list is cleanliness issues and motiviation, but I'm the one who sits here on APA when I should be working. Heh.

[Bridget]

See, I'm with all you ladies on that point. I don't want to be "in charge" of any grown person. I am a live and let live person. Now if only he was that way! My girlfriend and I lived together for 7 years and we seriously never had an argument. Now we each have 2 kids and men who want to try to tell us how to be and act ridiculous.
We always joke that we should have stuck to our original plan of getting knocked up by one night stands and stayed living together with our kids. We really are kidding. Mostly.

[WillowSpy]

You know Bridget, your plan doesn't sound all that bad...

[stephmama]

We're pretty happy. We've had a few issues lately with his anxiety issues from being deployed. I just have to remind myself that it's not him and it's not really that important. I try to get him to take himself away from the situation by leaving the room. And he's been going to the gym a lot, which helps tremendously.

[sunrider]

pretty happy over here. Probably in the mad less than 10% (not 5%). Topping my list is cleanliness issues and motiviation, but I'm the one who sits here on APA when I should be working. Heh.

Yeah. Guilty of that too!

[AmeriBrit]

Yeah, reading anything more than a brief headline/summary makes my blood pressure go crazy and upsets me for the rest of the day so I just don't do it anymore. It's not worth my health.

I confess I wish I had gotten a chance to read Seneca's response to the thread!

I confess that I must be the only person in this room (and maybe on this board) who really, honestly, is only mad at her husband maybe 5% of the time. Maybe I am just a huge pushover? I mean I can't imagine that he's that much better than so many other husbands. I guess another part of it might be that we have no kiddos yet... as much as I think he will be great with them, you never know for sure.

I confess many, many for Kate.

Me and Big E have discussed this before too.

Nope, we have two kiddos and are the happiest people alive. Seriously. In the beginning after we had Elmobo we went through lots of stuff. But...we grew up. We're a team, not a mom and dad. A team. I DO think my DH is better than a lot of other husbands. LOL. But I think i'm biased!!

Add Tred and I to the list of happy marriages. We look at our relationship as a partnership. (which is just the opposite of his mother's opinion who feels men should be firmly "under the thumb" of their wives . . . .)

Add us to the list of overly happy married saps. I think being in a long distance relationship for a year before we could be together every single day has made us cherish every single minute we have together. DH and I work at the same place and have lunch together nearly every single day. I always get asked if I ever get tired of him...and my answer is always no!

[AmeriBrit]

And Seneca, I read your post and loved it. I laughed so much but you said it so well.

[elmobo-n-lexi]

DH and I are around each other all day every day too! And when he's at work, we email back and forth ALL day. I never ever get sick of him. Even when he didn't work for a year and he was always here. Seriously, he's the ONE person on this planet that I could spend every single waking minute with and never get tired of it. WEIRD! I even need a break from my girls every now and then! But not DH.

[AmeriBrit]

DH and I are around each other all day every day too! And when he's at work, we email back and forth ALL day. I never ever get sick of him. Even when he didn't work for a year and he was always here. Seriously, he's the ONE person on this planet that I could spend every single waking minute with and never get tired of it. WEIRD! I even need a break from my girls every now and then! But not DH.

Same here! We are each other's best friends. We don't really have any other close friends, and I think that's the reason why. I know quite a few people who go on girly vacations or just the guys vacations and both me and DH just couldn't do that.

[elmobo-n-lexi]

Same here! We are each other's best friends. We don't really have any other close friends, and I think that's the reason why. I know quite a few people who go on girly vacations or just the guys vacations and both me and DH just couldn't do that.

OMG us either. I always tell people, it's either DH and I, or neither of us! And luckily, he feels exactly the same. He just wouldn't go anywhere without me. Even to a bar. His friend called him Saturday night and begged him to go see a band at a bar. I told him GO, get out of the house for a while!!! He said only if your mom can watch the girls. He's my best friend too. I have two girl friends that I see every now and then, but...noone is as awesome as my DH. And I mean NOONE! LOL

[daylilies]

I'm just so happy for you guys. I think my issue is I worry too much about what he wants. I don't go out to fancy restaurants or musicals or shopping with him because I think he doesn't like those things that much. But all he really wants is to do something with me that will make me happy. I just feel like I'm sparing him from stuff he doesn't really want to do, but I guess to him it feels like I'm not including him in my life. Last night we were at a concert my uncle's band was doing at a bar. We'd had a couple drinks and he started to ask me about APA. LOL He really wanted to know what goes on here. So I told him a couple funny stories, and about the dramatic political threads, and about the moms of multiples who are pregnant or TTC again (at this point I think he mimed shooting himself).

[elmobo-n-lexi]

I'm just so happy for you guys. I think my issue is I worry too much about what he wants. I don't go out to fancy restaurants or musicals or shopping with him because I think he doesn't like those things that much. But all he really wants is to do something with me that will make me happy. I just feel like I'm sparing him from stuff he doesn't really want to do, but I guess to him it feels like I'm not including him in my life. Last night we were at a concert my uncle's band was doing at a bar. We'd had a couple drinks and he started to ask me about APA. LOL He really wanted to know what goes on here. So I told him a couple funny stories, and about the dramatic political threads, and about the moms of multiples who are pregnant or TTC again (at this point I think he mimed shooting himself).

For us, we have fun doing NOTHING. We'd both rather sit at home and chill out alone than do anything else. I think it works so well because it's the way we both are. Neither of us want other friends, and neither of us want to go do stuff. APA is a part of my life, he knows it. He knows more about APA girls than he probably should.

[daylilies]

Yeah, we like staying home too, but I think he feels like we're too distant...we can be on our computers side by side absorbed in our own thing and not talk to each other all night.