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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #41281

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    I'm too paranoid about searchable public threads - I had to delete!

    Last edited by girlwonder; 05-15-2013 at 12:27 AM.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  2. #41282

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    Quote Originally Posted by pepperlru View Post
    I love that, too. All of the really good women friends I've had in my life have had that kind of personality. I really get along well with someone who just says what needs to be said, no apologies. You always know where you stand with a person like that. And yes, the compliments mean a lot, too, because you know they're not bullcrap and there's no ulterior motive.
    Yes! I totally agree.

    I have been thinking about the whole male friend subject and I don't have any male friends that I see anymore. I keep in touch with them on fb but that is it. I really miss a lot of my old male friends and wish I could meet their wives and children. But I don't think I'd ever go meet any of them alone. It would feel strange, I think. I know for sure I wouldn't like it if dbf did it. And I worry too, about him traveling and meeting women. So much that I find myself checking his email and facebook on occassion, for reassurance. And I hate myself for that. Well, I don't HATE myself for it, but I wish I either wasn't insecure enough to do it, or I wasn't in a relationship with someone who makes me feel like I need to.
    Last edited by Bridget; 05-15-2013 at 04:16 AM.

  3. #41283
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Yes! I totally agree.

    I have been thinking about the whole male friend subject and I don't have any male friends that I see anymore. I keep in touch with them on fb but that is it. I really miss a lot of my old male friends and wish I could meet their wives and children. But I don't think I'd ever go meet any of them alone. It would feel strange, I think. I know for sure I wouldn't like it if dbf did it. And I worry too, about him traveling and meeting women. So much that I find myself checking his email and facebook on occassion, for reassurance. And I hate myself for that. Well, I don't HATE myself for it, but I wish I either wasn't insecure enough to do it, or I wasn't in a relationship with someone who makes me feel like I need to.
    My closest friend is a male. We dated and had a physical relationship, but I couldn't trust him so I broke it off. He will call from time to time asking if I'd ever reconsider. Considering he is engaged to the mother of his child, I would never. It makes me sad for her.

    Needing to check on DBF reminds me of my last relationship. I totally get where you're coming from.

  4. #41284
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    Nosey parker is used over here a lot. We even passed a pub named that once somewhere near Lincolnshire.

    Suja, I've never seen you as a Bond villain...more like someone else has said as a straight shooter.

    Erin, I'm sorry your dh is being an idiot. What a tough place to be in.

    My dh wouldn't care if I met up with a male friend, but I never would. I'd find that really awkward. Dh has even suggested that I go running with one of our mutual male friends who's single, but I told him I wouldn't be comfortable doing that. I don't think Rich has a jealous bone in his body, whereas I am always winding him up about how he works with a lot of women.

  5. #41285

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    I don't really have any male friends that aren't DH's friends or brothers. I mean, I have a few guys that I work with but that's about it.
    AKA Lisa724

  6. #41286
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    Quote Originally Posted by pepperlru View Post
    Suja, you're not really scary. Just whip-smart. You get to the bottom of things, and you're concise. So I can imagine that if some guy was dithering around trying to flirt with you, you'd put him in his place easily. That could be a little intimidating. It's really a good thing, though. Thanks for the sweet words. I am wonderful, it's true.
    Exactly! You remind me of a much smarter version of myself Actually, Suja, you would probably dislike me quite a bit IRL. I could see us banging heads at every turn

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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    Erin, I am sorry. I couldn't imagine for anyone, especially my husband, to speak to me (never-the-less my children) in such a manner. I grew up facing such criticism everyday, it hurts. The optimistic side of me says I really hope that counseling helps him to see his faults and begin working on his behavior. Not only for your marriage, but for the relationship with his children. One day they will base their interactions with him on whether or not they want to be around him and when they choose not too, he'll have no one to blame but himself. I commend you for being proactive for you children and standing up to him. I do hope for the best, whatever that may be, to ensure your happiness.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  8. #41288
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    Quote Originally Posted by AmeriBrit View Post
    Nosey parker is used over here a lot.
    You know, when Myles said that I'm the one who introduced it to her, I immediately thought of asking you if it's a British thing. I grew up reading mostly British authors (and European ones, way more than Americans), and I'm fairly certain it influences my language. I have been asked in the past, if I were British, not so much because of the accent, but because of my choice of words ('formal' is how it was described then).

    Christina, IRL, I'm really easy to get along with. I'm one of those people that goes around smiling at everyone, and chatting people up just because they had the misfortune of being polite and holding the door open for me. My dad tells this story of being in the train, going home, and there was quite a crowd of young guys all crowded at one end, having some sort of passionate discussion about sports. It was only after he got off that he realized that I was right in the thick of it, talking to people I had never seen before and will likely never see again, and defending the Chicago Bulls against the Knicks fan (mind you, this was in NYC, and I was the only one on "my" side of that argument).

  9. #41289
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    Oh Erin. Reading your post just about broke my heart. You're such a strong, beautiful, wonderful woman and mama. If he could even begin to chip away at your sense of self, then I can only imagine how things must be for Ky on occasion. to him and you. We're here for you.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Christina, IRL, I'm really easy to get along with. I'm one of those people that goes around smiling at everyone, and chatting people up just because they had the misfortune of being polite and holding the door open for me. My dad tells this story of being in the train, going home, and there was quite a crowd of young guys all crowded at one end, having some sort of passionate discussion about sports. It was only after he got off that he realized that I was right in the thick of it, talking to people I had never seen before and will likely never see again, and defending the Chicago Bulls against the Knicks fan (mind you, this was in NYC, and I was the only one on "my" side of that argument).
    What a cute story

    I'll have to be honest in that if I knew any of you IRL I would probably keep my distance. I tend not to associate with others that I view as intellectuals. Mostly because they tend to be 'know it all' 'show offs' and I just can't handle that kind of attitude. It is nice to know that there are smart, intellectual woman out there who aren't out to show everyone how smart they are, gives me hope for meeting people that I can hold a conversation with one day

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  11. #41291
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    I will admit that I can come off as a know it all. Especially in the context of kids, I tend to feed them A LOT of information, and the other room mom said to me once 'How do you know all this stuff? You're making me feel inadequate'. I assured her that it was because my background is in Biology, and that's what the kids were talking about. The funny thing is that I had been feeling quite inadequate as a parent because her son (who is extremely smart, IMO) knows just SO much, and in just watching her just read a book to him, I picked up on so many things that I should be doing and was not (like 'Can you show me all the animals that live in the water? type of stuff, that would just not occur to me).

    I have to think a bit about how I'd likely react to y'all, if I had just met you without having known you here.

  12. #41292

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    I have never been called an intellectual! But maybe you weren't talking about me lol!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    I will admit that I can come off as a know it all. Especially in the context of kids, I tend to feed them A LOT of information, and the other room mom said to me once 'How do you know all this stuff? You're making me feel inadequate'. I assured her that it was because my background is in Biology, and that's what the kids were talking about. The funny thing is that I had been feeling quite inadequate as a parent because her son (who is extremely smart, IMO) knows just SO much, and in just watching her just read a book to him, I picked up on so many things that I should be doing and was not (like 'Can you show me all the animals that live in the water? type of stuff, that would just not occur to me).

    I have to think a bit about how I'd likely react to y'all, if I had just met you without having known you here.
    A person who displays their intellect doesn't bother me, but someone who purposefully is trying to sound smart, just for the sake of sounding smart, drives me INSANE.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    I have never been called an intellectual! But maybe you weren't talking about me lol!
    Um, yes, yes you are! You are an extremely smart and intellectual woman! I always start off by feeling quite inadequate when I read your posts (same as I do with.... well all of you), which is followed up by a feeling of enlightment of learning something new. I like having my knowledge challenged, which I think is why I hang out here

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  14. #41294

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    Please don't ever call me an intellectual again, directly or not.

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Please don't ever call me an intellectual again, directly or not.
    I mean it in the most endearing way possible

    How about your all just super HAWT

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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    I'd like to think that each of us has some pretty awesome qualities, and that we all learn from each other. I always learn something about parenting from the rest of you here, especially Bridget and L. Myles has a generosity of spirit and an ease to her that is enviable. Chrissy is tough as nails, and SO practical, so giving, and so forgiving. Erin, I know will have all our backs should the need arise. And on and on and on.

    And I think, as women, we tend to view ourselves as less than we are. It's like that awesome Dove commercial; we are our own worst critics: http://vimeo.com/64598415

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    Oh, I know I'm hot. I can handle that as a compliment. Hahahahaha! (It's the Stella Artois cidre talking)

    I think most people think I'm snobby when they first meet me when it's really that I don't have a lot of natural common sense or social manners!

  18. #41298
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    LOL....I guess my computer liked that last post so much, it doubled it!!!

  19. #41299
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    I'd like to think that each of us has some pretty awesome qualities, and that we all learn from each other. I always learn something about parenting from the rest of you here, especially Bridget and L. Myles has a generosity of spirit and an ease to her that is enviable. Chrissy is tough as nails, and SO practical, so giving, and so forgiving. Erin, I know will have all our backs should the need arise. And on and on and on.

    And I think, as women, we tend to view ourselves as less than we are. It's like that awesome Dove commercial; we are our own worst critics: http://vimeo.com/64598415
    I love that Dove commercial. I think it really shows how we, as women, need to change the way we view ourselves.

    Quote Originally Posted by AmeriBrit View Post
    Oh, I know I'm hot. I can handle that as a compliment. Hahahahaha! (It's the Stella Artois cidre talking)

    I think most people think I'm snobby when they first meet me when it's really that I don't have a lot of natural common sense or social manners!

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  20. #41300

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    I liked that commercial until I read all the criticism about it. There are some good points in those articles.

  21. #41301
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    Ok..... Rant.....

    So, this class, the summer class I am taking, was supposed to be my LAST class for my BA - awesome right? Well, as it turns out, its NOT. So, your telling me, I paid out of pocket for this summer class (my scholarships don't pay for summer classes, but I just wanted to be done with it) AND I am not done?!??!

    HOW THE F DO YOU MAKE THAT MISTAKE?!?!

    For some reason, when my previous institution finally sent my 'official transcripts' over (which by the way has taken FOUR MONTHS), it changed my degree requirements and now I still have another 3 classes (I think, I was quite aggitated by this point so I'll have to review my program evaluation later).

    I am so, so upset right now. Upset I took this summer class, which I hate, upset that I had to pay for it, upset that now I'll be pushing out a baby during finals, and maybe the hormones have took over because basically I am holding back tears (since I am at work) trying not to be a blubbering baby. I was so, so excited to be done. To not have to worry about classes at the end of my pregnancy/while taking care of a newborn and that has all just been shattered.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  22. #41302

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    I'm so sorry!

  23. #41303
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I liked that commercial until I read all the criticism about it. There are some good points in those articles.
    It is still about beauty being skin deep (I haven't read the critiques). Have you seen this parody? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/0...n_3109602.html

  24. #41304
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    Christina, I'm so sorry! What the hell kind of goof-up is that? Isn't your advisor supposed to be keeping track of this sort of thing? Can you talk to someone and get those 3 classes waived?

  25. #41305
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    Oh, man, Christina, that sucks!

  26. #41306

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    Suja, honestly, you say the nicest things... blush.jpg

    I think I might follow Katy's lead and do a bit of clean-up of stuff I shared yesterday.

    In the meantime, I've been thinking/trying to explain since yesterday what I mean about why I think I'm vain. Do you guys remember this scene from the great intellectual work ;), "Love, Actually"? The guy (Mark) has it really bad for his best friend's wife, and it culminates in one of the final scenes where he shares his feelings?



    Well, in the stuff that is analogous to my life, I feel like the vain part of me is getting a buzz off of feeling like Keira Knightley who's on the receiving end of that kind of attention (though I'd never kiss anyone but DH like that, I'd hope). And then my conscience is talking to me like he does at the end of the scene where Mark says to himself, "Enough now. Enough.", with regards to even keeping up a steady dialog with the guy (who, I think is thankfully backing off now too out of his own conscience.) I guess I feel like, if I were less "vain" or insecure enough to like the attention, my inner Mark would be shouting "Enough" so loudly that I would feel too guilty to get any pleasure from feeling adored/put on a pedestal, etc.

    I do feel a little odd having one-on-one time with a male friend, although I still try to be logical about it and not "throw the baby out with the bathwater" if a person stands to be a source of knowledge/enjoyment and just happens to be male. I thought the guy was going to bring his wife last Saturday. With our good female friends, I am all for Steve hanging out with them alone, but that's mainly because they're all moms and it would look like a playdate. If it were women in his past, I think I'd want to vet them first. But honestly, I don't think we'd choose friends who were predatory females, and Steve is a good enough judge of character that I trust that he'd do right with whomever person who decides to spend time with. It's easy for me to say, though, because it's all so hypothetical, and the reality is more that he's too unmotivated to make plans with practically anyone.

  27. #41307

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Ok..... Rant.....

    So, this class, the summer class I am taking, was supposed to be my LAST class for my BA - awesome right? Well, as it turns out, its NOT. So, your telling me, I paid out of pocket for this summer class (my scholarships don't pay for summer classes, but I just wanted to be done with it) AND I am not done?!??!

    HOW THE F DO YOU MAKE THAT MISTAKE?!?!

    For some reason, when my previous institution finally sent my 'official transcripts' over (which by the way has taken FOUR MONTHS), it changed my degree requirements and now I still have another 3 classes (I think, I was quite aggitated by this point so I'll have to review my program evaluation later).

    I am so, so upset right now. Upset I took this summer class, which I hate, upset that I had to pay for it, upset that now I'll be pushing out a baby during finals, and maybe the hormones have took over because basically I am holding back tears (since I am at work) trying not to be a blubbering baby. I was so, so excited to be done. To not have to worry about classes at the end of my pregnancy/while taking care of a newborn and that has all just been shattered.
    Wait. Wait. They changed your degree requirements after seeing your official transcripts? Who was responsible for that decision? And what policy makes it ok for them to just move the goal line on you like that?

    I'm sorry that you have to saddle up for battle while you're pregnant & uncomfy, but you really have to get to the bottom of this, and I hope there's some way they can change the requirements back for you. Or maybe by some fluke they have a different interpretation of the requirements and you won't have 3 more classes afterall.

    Hugs, girl!

  28. #41308

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    Ugh, that scene from Love, Actually. That whole movie just tugs at my heartstrings. It sure is an ego boost to have someone who feels that way about you and displays it so openly. That's the kind of love I always dreamed about but wasn't sure if it actually existed outside of movies and tv shows and love songs.

  29. #41309

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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Wait. Wait. They changed your degree requirements after seeing your official transcripts? Who was responsible for that decision? And what policy makes it ok for them to just move the goal line on you like that?

    I'm sorry that you have to saddle up for battle while you're pregnant & uncomfy, but you really have to get to the bottom of this, and I hope there's some way they can change the requirements back for you. Or maybe by some fluke they have a different interpretation of the requirements and you won't have 3 more classes afterall.

    Hugs, girl!
    I was puzzled about that too. How did you even get accepted without them having your official transcripts yet?

  30. #41310

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Ugh, that scene from Love, Actually. That whole movie just tugs at my heartstrings. It sure is an ego boost to have someone who feels that way about you and displays it so openly. That's the kind of love I always dreamed about but wasn't sure if it actually existed outside of movies and tv shows and love songs.
    I think it's definitely more infatuation, and they never show what happens after the couple gets together and rides off in the sunset. One of my favorite quotes from "The Mirror Has Two Faces" is when the professor played by Babs says: "This thing that we call a wedding ceremony is really the final scene of the fairy tale. They never tell you what happens after. They never tell you that Cinderella drove the Prince crazy with her obsessive need to clean the castle, cause she missed her day job, right?"

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