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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #41221

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    Lol! Oh, Myles! That was a very entertaining post! It sounds like you had an incredibly rejuvinating trip. I am happy for you.
    You know, just to clarify, I don't mind people who like attention and seek it out in clever and interesting ways. I am not above that myself. I've always loved to write and I'll admit, I use facebook for that outlet sometimes. What bugs me are the ones that sort of act innocent of it all as if they had no idea anyone was listening, yet it's so obvious they want everyone to listen. I guess it is the insincerity that irks me. Like I said, if he busted out an accordian (trumpet, whatever) I'd totally look and probably applaud.

  2. #41222

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    I seek attention when it comes to certain things. I'll take dumb pictures of stuff I'm doing all day and post it on facebook and twitter. I guess I'm sort of a version of those annoying people who post "And now I'm eating a sandwich!" LOL It's totally self-indulgent and if people don't like it they don't have to respond to it. Right?

    It is annoying when people go on and on when it's obvious the other person isn't interested, like with Bridget's situation.

    I'm glad you had a nice time with the guy, Myles. I think I know what you mean, about feeling excited when you've been talking with someone you click with. It could have been totally awkward.

  3. #41223
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    I missed so much!

    I donít know that I can add anything more beautiful than what the ladies here have said, but I wanted to offer both of you, Jennifer and Mandy, many I think both of you are amazing and praise you for your openness and understanding.

    B, I definitely think that guy has a crush on you. Honestly, I donít think ignoring him will make him stop.

    I love Facebook for photo documentation. I am a bit over-zealous in my constant posting pictures of Nolan (annoying much?), but I canít help it. I find it such an easy way to organize things and even to keep notes of events that happen and such. Plus I have lots of family (and APA mamas) that I never see in person and keeping Facebook updated is my way of Ďstaying in contactí.

    I donít like attention generally though. I made it very clear to my new manager here that she will loose the one person (i.e. me) who participates in branch activities (our fundraisers and such) if she forces me to be recognized for my contributions. I am not interested in it. I donít need praise for what I do, it makes me outright uncomfortable. It has always drove hubs crazy that I can barely take a compliment from him, I find it difficult.

    I donít know that I believe in fate or love at first sight either Mandy. When I met DH I definitely found him interesting and attractive, but love? I donít think so. Our relationship has been a lot of ups and downs. We are both damaged people in many respects and it has taken time to work through those issues. Heck, weíre still working on them and sometimes we fail miserably in the relationship department. We just pick back up, learn from it, and keep moving forward. I love him for all his dysfunctional faults and thankfully he feels the same about me

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  4. #41224

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    Wow! Gone for a day and I've missed a lot. Mandy and Jennifer, like C above, I can't add anything better than what everyone else has said, but I admire both of you deeply for your strength, honesty and introspection. I'm so sorry for your struggles. I'm really, really glad you're here.

    Myles, I hardly know where to start! Firstly, either I'm not getting all of your facebook updates or you're exaggerating, because you're one of the most reserved and humble folks I know in your social media presence. I guess I'm used to some friends who use facebook as a daily diary of their accomplishments and a whole lot of thoughts that really should probably be kept to themselves. Not that I actually mind that at all -- I love confessionals and I love knowing what's going on inside people's heads. I just don't feel like I get that from you too often, since you are so other-oriented, generous and empathetic. You spend a lot more time talking about others than about yourself, which is a really admirable quality (and one I strive for, but know I fall far short ... which is probably why I notice it in you).

    As for your meeting with your friend, it sounds like it really energized and refreshed you, which is great! I'm happy for you. It's wonderful to find a connection with someone that stirs up good things in you, and it's always great to rehash something confusing from the past and come to an understanding. I admit, however, that when I tried to imagine my husband having that kind of meet-up with a woman, confessing those feelings and having that type of 'meeting of the minds,' it made me feel all of the uncomfortable and upsetting feelings (due completely to my own fears and insecurity, of course). I think it's good that you recognize the pitfalls of having that kind of connection, so you can avoid them and keep the relationship in a space that is healthy for everyone involved.

    As for seeking attention -- B, I can see why you were so annoyed! That kind of peacocking is so cringey. Agree with the others that he was obviously trying to get your attention. You handled it very well. I hope their roof is done soon, but if he IS thinking of bringing out an accordion, that would certainly make the whole thing worthwhile!

    I was raised in a Scandinavian Lutheran family (the "frozen chosen," ha) where any displays of emotion or calling attention to oneself was greatly frowned upon. Tooting one's own horn was just about the worst sin one could commit, and as a result, my mother never said anything nice about me or my siblings growing up, to anyone. She was much more comfortable saying deprecating things. As an adult and a parent I've realized how much damage it did me, and how ingrained it is in me to deprecate myself, my life, my kids. I'm so much more comfortable saying bad things than good that I try now to make a conscious effort to tell others (and them, of course) how awesome my kids and husband are. I'm still working on being able to do that for myself. When I do confess or post something that could be seen as braggy or boastful or too much about me (usually completely by accident - like my recent fb post about my dh's workplace visits, for example, which I really was just excited to remember to mention), I get so ashamed that I want to hit myself in the face with a 2x4. (Pretty sure I need to work on that one with a professional ... but this is the confessions thread, after all.)
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  5. #41225
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Thank you, Chrissy.
    Hmmm. I wonder what it is about me that has him crushing? Is it the missing tooth? Perhaps the 5-6 children always sauntering around me? Oh I know, I know...my chicken catching capabilities! Now THAT will turn a man's head. And for sure any man who drops fbombs around my kids is soooooper sexy.
    You just turned me on. That there is hot stuff!

    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Chrissy...I think in some way I'm jealous of you and Jesi....there is something to be said for having kids young when you don't really know any better. Now I'm older and think too much. What if one of us loses a job. What if we cannot afford the medical bills if something is wrong. What if the kid is really sick. What about losing so much sleep and free time. Again about the money. Again about the money. And again about the money. After so many years just the two of us, we are really set in our ways. Change is hard for us, chaos is really hard for us. Do we really want to change our lifestyle THAT much? 10 years ago I don't think I would have thought twice. Much harder to think about now.
    So yeah being older and all that.....not always the best either!
    Awww, I just love you Jennifer. And you're right, there is something to be said for jumping full in when you don't know what you're getting into. You don't miss financial security if you never had it. At least, that was my experience. Now I'm older and have a little, I worry a lot about Jesi & Kaleb. But at the same time, I'm confident they'll be ok too. Kaleb will be a good dad if their relationship doesn't work out. He's just an all-round good kid. And Jesi is me (in personality) all over again. Whatever brick wall she faces, she'll either climb over it or walk right through it. I've told her as much. The path she's chosen is definitely the harder one, but I'm 100% confident she's going to make it work. Plus, I'm not above helping her out. Maybe that's enabling, but heck, lots of people helped me & Rich out through the years. It's payback time.

    I just really, really wish life were more fair. At the very least, anyone that would abuse a child couldn't conceive one. And those like you and Mandy could simply chose your right time for one. It's one of life's biggest disappointments I think. I wish I could pass off my fertility/ability to carry to term to someone else. I certainly don't want to use it again myself.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    And yup, we are kind of lazy too. I mean I'm just used to have so much downtime and me time. And we just stress and worry about everything. I actually sent my parents a 6 page packet of info about the dogs....and my parents know my girls.


    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Lol! Oh, Myles! That was a very entertaining post! It sounds like you had an incredibly rejuvinating trip. I am happy for you.
    You know, just to clarify, I don't mind people who like attention and seek it out in clever and interesting ways. I am not above that myself. I've always loved to write and I'll admit, I use facebook for that outlet sometimes. What bugs me are the ones that sort of act innocent of it all as if they had no idea anyone was listening, yet it's so obvious they want everyone to listen. I guess it is the insincerity that irks me. Like I said, if he busted out an accordian (trumpet, whatever) I'd totally look and probably applaud.
    *snort* You crack me up!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I seek attention when it comes to certain things. I'll take dumb pictures of stuff I'm doing all day and post it on facebook and twitter. I guess I'm sort of a version of those annoying people who post "And now I'm eating a sandwich!" LOL It's totally self-indulgent and if people don't like it they don't have to respond to it. Right?
    Um, no you are not an attention whore at all! I actually wish you'd post a little bit more. I actually like seeing what my mama friends are up to. I know I'm a post-ho. I like having an online diary of sorts. Perhaps I'm slightly narcissistic.

    Myles, your visit sounds lovely. I really admire your ability to be able to recognize that it could have the potential to turn into an emotional affair if you're not careful. I know that's how I landed in an affair with my boss...I was so naive or blind or something. I like to think I learned some lessons, but I also know that prior to that I would have adamantly denied I could be culpable of such a thing.

    It sounds like it was a lovely visit anyway.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  6. #41226

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    I also know - both from raising puppies and teaching children - that if you spend enough time nurturing and caring for a little dependent being, you come to love them, and the more they need you the more they love you and you love them. It's programmed in our brain. So I have every certainty that ANY child I brought home I would love. Nero and Marcus Aurelius both I love so much it makes me hurt. And Gwennie ... poor Gwennie. She was DH's dog ("rebound" dog after his horrible Chihuahua died, and he was drunk when he got her to boot). I told him she was his puppy, raise her. All the hours I spent on the floor with Nero, training and cuddling - I did none of it with Gwennie. But like it or no she's my baby, too. Totally mentally damaged, but in some ways you couldn't ask for a better dog. So no, I'm more in favor of neurotransmitters than fate.
    This is so true. Cayo was DH's dog, and Lulu was supposed to be mine. At least I was the one who chose Lulu, and DH chose Cayo. Cayo was incredibly confused when we brought him home from the pound, a full-grown big baby who destroyed things and barked at anything that moved. I looked at him as a nuisance at first. Then I started to notice how sweet and loyal he was, especially next to Lulu and her pushy, terrier ways. He was a fast learner too, making me very proud in obedience class. Plus he was very independent when we're outdoors. Lulu will never go more than a few feet away, then turn back to look at us impatiently, like "Are you coming?!?", but Cayo will really wander off and explore before he comes back. Anyway, as much as I was not a fan of his when he first came home, he got under my skin and now he's one of my babies. (I think we also bonded even more when Bodhi was just born and Cayo had his knee surgery. We were both hanging out at home recuperating & taking slow walks together, regaining our strength at the same time.) Now it's funny because Cayo has really taken a shine to me - a total mama's boy - and Lulu is DH's little shadow. When Steve's working downstairs and the rest of us are away, she's down there with him, and Cayo just takes the whole upstairs for himself (probably relieved to be free of bossy Lulu). Anyway, I'm certain both you and Jennifer would grow to love any child you brought into your home too.

  7. #41227

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Oh good Myles, I will head out to the post office tomorrow. Don't worry about reimbursement or sending it back. Pass it on to someone else who needs it when you're done.
    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

  8. #41228
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    Quote Originally Posted by pepperlru View Post
    I was raised in a Scandinavian Lutheran family (the "frozen chosen," ha) where any displays of emotion or calling attention to oneself was greatly frowned upon. Tooting one's own horn was just about the worst sin one could commit, and as a result, my mother never said anything nice about me or my siblings growing up, to anyone. She was much more comfortable saying deprecating things. As an adult and a parent I've realized how much damage it did me, and how ingrained it is in me to deprecate myself, my life, my kids. I'm so much more comfortable saying bad things than good that I try now to make a conscious effort to tell others (and them, of course) how awesome my kids and husband are. I'm still working on being able to do that for myself. When I do confess or post something that could be seen as braggy or boastful or too much about me (usually completely by accident - like my recent fb post about my dh's workplace visits, for example, which I really was just excited to remember to mention), I get so ashamed that I want to hit myself in the face with a 2x4. (Pretty sure I need to work on that one with a professional ... but this is the confessions thread, after all.)
    This resonated deeply for me. I have noticed that when others bring up how well behaved Nolan is or just general bragging, I have a hard time even agreeing with them. I just kind of get quiet and don't know how to respond. It wasn't until I had Nolan that I realized that I had such a hard time with this. It made me deeply sad and brought to light some of the things DH has mentioned over the years. I've been working on it, but usually it comes out weird and awkward (for Nolan it is easier, DH is harder, myself I have yet to approach). Practice makes perfect, right?

    Nothing was ever 'good enough' for my parents. Praise was uncommon, congratulations a rare occurrence. Either they weren't impressed, were too self involved, or hell - just didn't care. Who knows.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  9. #41229

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    I confess I have 5 different socializing sites--so I have facebook, twitter, two journals, here, and the "creepy site" as I like to call it, where I am a mod, that does different posts about the horror genre and other creepy things. It's interesting to see the different sides of me that come out on each site. For a long time I was afraid to share my love for nkotb on the creepy site because, well, it's not really creepy (although some may beg to differ). I finally decided I should just be myself no matter where I was.

    I don't think you're a post ho, Bridget. I like to see what you guys are up to, too.

  10. #41230

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    Kate, I think you're super-quiet on FB. So if you get the urge to tell us about a dream you had last night or what color your underwear is today, I say you have the wiggle room for it.

    Gretchen/Christina, I do get what you're saying about the self-deprecation reflex. ("Frozen chosen" - I love it!) I think I have those reflexes as well. My parents were very heavy on criticism and light on praise, and they tsk tsked me a lot when I started to get show-offy as a child. Nothing I did really impressed them; maybe a good thing/maybe bad. So I get their voices in my heads. If I am receiving a compliment, I start to turn it into a joke. Or I try to quickly turn-around a compliment to the complimenter to essentially say "Me? I'm nothing special." But you ladies just made me aware that I have a hard time accepting compliments for B too. When he was just learning to speak and people would tell me what a great vocabulary he had , I'd always say, "Well, you should see Emme (Carrie K's daughter). She has about 500 words to Bodhi's 100.") Stuff like that. And the truth is, I'm amazed by my kid and he impresses me with his intelligence and perceptiveness every day. I'm really going to take what you girls said to heart and try to implement something to counteract any bad habits that relate to this.

    And Gretchen, maybe I'm so self-deprecating, I have a hard time accepting your compliments about my FB persona, so I will just say thank you. You're someone I'd love to hear more from. Your observations are very entertaining, you have good comic timing, and has anyone told you what a good photographer you are? And I didn't just say that to quickly turn around just any old compliment, in case you were wondering. I'd been meaning to say those things to you.

    Quote Originally Posted by pepperlru View Post

    As for your meeting with your friend, it sounds like it really energized and refreshed you, which is great! I'm happy for you. It's wonderful to find a connection with someone that stirs up good things in you, and it's always great to rehash something confusing from the past and come to an understanding. I admit, however, that when I tried to imagine my husband having that kind of meet-up with a woman, confessing those feelings and having that type of 'meeting of the minds,' it made me feel all of the uncomfortable and upsetting feelings (due completely to my own fears and insecurity, of course). I think it's good that you recognize the pitfalls of having that kind of connection, so you can avoid them and keep the relationship in a space that is healthy for everyone involved.
    Yeah, I'm not 100% cool with that part of it. There's a side of me that knows our spouses wouldn't have appreciated our 'connection', as innocent as it was. Steve is such a "guy" in my mind, that I didn't even see it when he said he felt connected to me. I can't imagine him having as deep a conversation with another woman because I just can't picture him having as deep a conversation, period. Is that awful? He shows his strengths far more in his actions than in his words, and in fact I feel like he obscures his intelligence/capabilities when he speaks. He has a very unassuming exterior, and people tend to underestimate him. Maybe even I still underestimate him. He's also socially unmotivated and doesn't go out of his way to make or stay in contact with friends. So now if he met a woman that totally transformed him into someone who was suddenly keenly interested in making a deep connection, I guess first I'd pick myself up from falling out of my chair from the shock of it all, and then I'd feel very upset about it.

    Anyway, this being the confessions thread and all, I'll share one more thing: This guy from last weekend won't be the first man who's gotten stuck in my head since I got married. Remember awhile back, I showed you a picture of a man and asked if you thought he was handsome? He was my physical therapist and I'd had a dream about him. Well, we had some unsettling chemistry going for awhile there during our therapy sessions. He started asking me to schedule my sessions as his last appointment of the day so he could spend more time with me. He also asked me to start running with him. I did run with him a couple of times. And it was so weird because our runs started to feel like dates, and I started to enjoy the way he looked at me. And then I started to STRESS out about it all. I started to not keep my therapy appointments with him because it was feeling karmically bad for my marriage. It got to the point where I started saying to myself: "Stop being weird, Mylah. If you need physical therapy, just go to physical therapy. He hasn't actually tried anything with you." And, since he has a 4 year old daughter a little older than Bodhi, I even invited him and his wife/daughter to B's b'day party to neutralize all the one-on-one tension that was building up. Even then, I felt like it was wrong to invite him because I felt like I'd be paying too much attention to him instead of to my child, where my attention belonged. Luckily, he didn't make it to the party, and I honestly think the fact that I invited him to come to my home and meet my husband/child also caused him to back off. I didn't hear from him again for a couple of months. After Nicaragua, well, you girls know what was going on with me - healthwise - and when he contacted me, we met up for a mid-day run and I told him too. (He has access to my file, anyway, even though he said it'd be a HIPAA violation to look me up for reasons unrelated to my care. When we finally saw each other after that long period of no contact, the first thing he said to me was "Great to see you, Mee-lah. How've you been?"..

    LOL! That totally ended all the tension right there. I almost laughed out loud to his face. I mean, there I was, stressing that this guy could ruin my marriage, and he couldn't even remember how to pronounce my name!!! Obviously, that's not someone who'd been obsessing over me. Bwahahahaha! Anne & Amy will never let me live that one down. I think "Mee-lah" is my new nickname with them.

    And after things with my health took a turn for the worse, as again you girls know, I had to share that with him too, and he sent me a LOT of texts about Jesus and that he was going to pray for me. So that pretty much broke the spell completely. The offers to pray for me were sweet of course, but I definitely hadn't seen that side of him before, and no, I'm not attracted to that.
    Last edited by demigraf; 05-15-2013 at 04:22 PM.

  11. #41231
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    I'm just going to say it - all of you ladies are fan-freaking-tabulous you just can't admit it to yourselves

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  12. #41232
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    I think it is natural and even somewhat expected for marriages to be 'tested' by those who flow in and out of our lives. To me, it speaks to how one can control himself/herself when confronted with such situations. The choice to act upon an impulse or to do things to confront it/prevent it from going further. We get married, we don't die

    I have had a number of issues with guys over the years and it has drove me to prevent further reconnections with guys from my past. 'Friends' who reconnected with me, that as it turned out, wanted more than just that. It amazed me, knowing them as well as I did, that my being married did not prevent their advances (suttle as they were). A couple even knew DH, which was even more worriesome to me. Who knew I was so popular amongst the male gender until I was no longer available

    ETA: I give up on trying to fix typos today. Can I just blame being pregnant on that as well?
    Last edited by Smplyme89; 05-14-2013 at 01:14 PM.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  13. #41233

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    I totally know what you mean about deep conversations. We rarely have those, and they're usually when we've both had a little too much to drink. Some interesting things have come out of those conversations. I think we both understand we're not a great match for each other but we do trust each other and there's something to be said for that. I've had a couple psychotic moments where I thought he was cheating on me but I don't suspect that anymore.

    Mee-lah! That cracked me up. I've never even heard your name pronounced but I was pretty sure it was prounced My-lah!

    I don't post a lot of personal stuff on facebook because I have people I don't really know very well on there who couldn't care less about my dreams or the color of my underwear. That's what private groups are for ;)

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    Y'all will have to start posting smaller paragraphs. My attention span is so bad, I can't even get through posts any more. So, my take away from this whole thing is that we're all pretty frickin' awesome! Some of us are more modest about it than others, though.

    I'm starting to feel a little undesirable! All my male friends seem to have no interest in me beyond friendship

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    Myles, you sound like you have some cool IRL friends. I'm not a great IRL friend, I think, because I live mostly in my own little world in my head!

    It's funny you guys should say that about compliments. I used to be almost arrogant about receiving compliments, like, "Yeah, I know." LOL. I have noticed that I have become more British about emotions over the past few years. Like you've all said, if someone says something like "Wow, Cash is really bright, isn't he?" my reaction most of the time, is "Oh, he is but he is such a heathen at home!"

    I have a love-hate relationship with FB. I love keeping in touch with my family, but I hate seeing their political/religious posts. I'd rather be ignorant about them and just assume they're atheist liberals like I am. Some times I feel like I should write something witty on my status updates, but a lot of times I'll just write about something funny that Travis or Cash has said. I do try not to post too much political stuff on there, but sometimes I can't help it. Like, last night I ranted about a leaflet that had been put through my door. I couldn't believe it was actually real. It was from some organization called The Society for the Protection of Unborn Children and it was all about how gay marriage is tearing society apart. I was certain that I'd lose a lot of religious friends over it, but none have defriended me....yet!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Y'all will have to start posting smaller paragraphs. My attention span is so bad, I can't even get through posts any more. So, my take away from this whole thing is that we're all pretty frickin' awesome! Some of us are more modest about it than others, though.

    I'm starting to feel a little undesirable! All my male friends seem to have no interest in me beyond friendship
    You kill me Suja! They're probably intimated by you

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  17. #41237
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    You kill me Suja! They're probably intimated by you
    Oh great! Now, not only are there guys out there pining away for me and I don't even know it, they're all namby pamby too!

  18. #41238

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    You kill me Suja! They're probably intimated by you
    Agreed! If I were a guy I would find you completely adorable, and maybe just a little bit scary. Maybe that would change if we met in person ... but I'm not sure which part would change!

    I have no male friends these days. I do have old friends on facebook, but we don't see each other in person. I haven't spent more than 5 minutes with a man who wasn't my doctor since we moved here 5 years ago. We have "couple" friends we hang out with, but there is always very proper distance between me and the other guy. Never private conversations for more than a minute or two, nothing personal. With our friends, that's how I like it -- I'd never want to make any of my lady friends even a tad uncomfortable, and when I was young there were a few times that happened without me meaning it to.

    I do realize, though, that that's probably why I feel uncomfortable when I think of dh making connections with women besides me. He works long hours in a creative environment and, while there aren't a lot of women, there are enough attractive, funny, smart, interesting ladies there that if he were so inclined, he could certainly make an emotional or physical connection with one. I, on the other hand, spend all day with children and occasionally other mothers -- I rarely even speak to adults, much less men I could connect with. I'm really boring these days. My conversations mostly revolve around topics like "guess who pooped in the potty today!" and the playground, and dance class, and the grocery store. I realize that this is completely on me -- this is the life I've chosen, and if I'm boring, it's no one's fault but my own. But I do wonder if dh finds me uninteresting when he can connect with women at work who travel the world and can talk with him about things like the best spots to scuba in Thailand and some new cool band. You know? Or even not just more interesting than me, but new and different. A little "strange," you know? And of course I've just turned 40 and have been dealing with the health issues, and while dh insists he finds me beautiful, I don't feel it much. If I did get thrown together with a man, I'd be shocked if he seemed attracted.

    I've been looking to get back into music and other interests, and I think if I were able to get out into the world more often, it would help solve the power imbalance I sense between dh and I... and I'm sure it would help me feel more confident in myself and less worried at the thought that he'd connect with some fabulous, exciting woman on a beach somewhere.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


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    Huh! You learn something new each day. I come across as intimidating/scary?

    Gretchen, I'm sure that if he had wanted to fall for someone else in the years you've been together, he could have, and he hasn't, so you aren't giving yourself a enough credit. I bet you're as wonderful and funny in person as you seem online.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Oh great! Now, not only are there guys out there pining away for me and I don't even know it, they're all namby pamby too!
    You are so smart and witty I have no doubt that there aren't guys out there pining for you!

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  21. #41241
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Gretchen, I'm sure that if he had wanted to fall for someone else in the years you've been together, he could have, and he hasn't, so you aren't giving yourself a enough credit. I bet you're as wonderful and funny in person as you seem online.
    I agree! I am boring as boring can get, kind of like it that way. Though lately the desire to 'do' things has surfaced here and there. Especially with hubs and I doing things as a couple. With another baby on the way the realization that the time to do that is short has kind of hit me. So, I've been letting my mom steal Nolan when she asks and using the opportunity for us to go do things together.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  22. #41242

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Y'all will have to start posting smaller paragraphs. My attention span is so bad, I can't even get through posts any more.
    Hey! I resemble that comment!

    ( )

    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Huh! You learn something new each day. I come across as intimidating/scary?
    You're terrifying.

  23. #41243

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    .
    Last edited by girlwonder; 05-15-2013 at 12:30 AM. Reason: I'm paranoid!

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  24. #41244
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    Okay. I'm irritated I posted a long reply about soooo many things that were covered since I was in last and i got a phone call. And when I went back to this page it auto refreshed. Hate. My. Phone.

    All I have to say is ugh!

  25. #41245
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    Now I need to figure out how to use my terrifyingly bad persona for eeevil. I feel like a James Bond villain. Or at least an Austin Powers one.

  26. #41246

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    Ugh. Sorry, Rachel. I hate it when that happens.

    Katy, yes, I do know what you mean about the what if/if only scenario. I guess it's natural to imagine what life would have been like if it had gone the other way. The Home Depot comment was very cute and flirty. Do you really want to see him or were you being polite?

    Quote Originally Posted by pepperlru View Post
    ... I feel uncomfortable when I think of dh making connections with women besides me. He works long hours in a creative environment and, while there aren't a lot of women, there are enough attractive, funny, smart, interesting ladies there that if he were so inclined, he could certainly make an emotional or physical connection with one. I, on the other hand, spend all day with children and occasionally other mothers -- I rarely even speak to adults, much less men I could connect with. I'm really boring these days. My conversations mostly revolve around topics like "guess who pooped in the potty today!" and the playground, and dance class, and the grocery store. I realize that this is completely on me -- this is the life I've chosen, and if I'm boring, it's no one's fault but my own. But I do wonder if dh finds me uninteresting when he can connect with women at work who travel the world and can talk with him about things like the best spots to scuba in Thailand and some new cool band. You know? Or even not just more interesting than me, but new and different. A little "strange," you know? And of course I've just turned 40 and have been dealing with the health issues, and while dh insists he finds me beautiful, I don't feel it much. If I did get thrown together with a man, I'd be shocked if he seemed attracted.

    I've been looking to get back into music and other interests, and I think if I were able to get out into the world more often, it would help solve the power imbalance I sense between dh and I... and I'm sure it would help me feel more confident in myself and less worried at the thought that he'd connect with some fabulous, exciting woman on a beach somewhere.
    Oh, Gretchen. You just sound to me that you’re so immersed in being mommy at the moment that you think you’ve lost your mojo. I can’t say that’s not tough to deal with or that there’s a simple way to get it back. Just that I know it’s possible to do because I was completely there the two years I was a SAHM. (Lucky for me, I also had no libido at that time, so I wasn’t overly concerned whether or not DH was interested in me in that way.) I didn’t feel like I was interesting or good at anything. I don’t know why it took me going back to work to get a sense of my own efficacy and self-possession again, and I hope, in some way, there’s a means to find it again without having to create that distance from your child, because doing it that way comes at such a high cost.

    I hope you do find a hobby that totally sucks you in, just because it feels great and you’ll be too busy to worry about it. Half the power imbalance is the fact that you’re worried, while it doesn’t seem like R is worried other than the fact that you’re worried. So I’m hoping that getting back into your interests will help you stop worrying.

    FWIW, R’s situation at work doesn’t sound to me like an inevitable formula for cheating. While I was a SAHM, DH was still the chief at the recording studio down south, and there was a steady stream of pretty receptionists, photogenic pop stars, leggy entourage babes that came in with the rockers, and even the valets were all hired from a company whose gimmick it was to have busty girls park your car for you. Maybe my DH is just a completely different animal than most men (I would DEFINITELY have NOT trusted some other ex-bfs in that situation), but regardless, he survived that environment with his fidelity intact as far as I know. So I hope that eases your mind somewhat.

  27. #41247

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Now I need to figure out how to use my terrifyingly bad persona for eeevil. I feel like a James Bond villain. Or at least an Austin Powers one.
    Get thee a shaved cat.

  28. #41248
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    Demigraf... Where did you hear the term nosy Parker? I've only ever heard it from my grandma.

  29. #41249
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    All this affair talk makes me feel like I need to confess, but I confess I'm a chicken.

  30. #41250
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    I just loaded $250 worth of groceries on the express lane conveyor belt. I felt awful when I realized. 2 hours of sleep and I'm spacey.

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