04-23-2013, 03:14 PM
04-23-2013, 03:25 PM
04-23-2013, 03:36 PM
I occasionally get the stink-eye from DH for being online with you guys. I actually do feel guilty about it, because you ladies are just so engrossing. I try not to do that thing where I am typing to you first thing in the morning, because what it looks like is me lying in bed while DH is putting Bodhi in his booster seat and making him breakfast. However, there are some mornings where I feel like I desperately want to chime in (sometimes it's on FB and not on here.) Anyway, I do find myself trying to conceal my social networking time from him, and those are the times I really should just put the phone/laptop down. I have plenty of time to chat with my online buddies after hours when he's snoring away, and I usually do!
Housework. Sigh. I really need to be better with it. DH is a warrior when it comes to that stuff. That's all I have to say about it right now. We don't have a cleaner at this time because I've resolved to do it myself, and that means thick layers of dust in corners of the house at different times because I can't do it all at once. DH is really so sweet about it (he works from home, but actually has longer hours than I do), that he actually thanks me when I do certain things that should really be my job.
OK, last thought before I go to the MD. Programmers are really smart people. I tried basic programming and I could barely do it. So why is it that I have conversations like today's little gem?:
Programmer: "It says in the spec I need to delete the Digital Asset Folders at the root. What action do I need to take with them?"
Me: "You need to delete the Digital Asset Folders at the root."
Programmer: "OK. Thanks for clarifying."
04-23-2013, 06:01 PM
DH and I have had arguments occasionally about my online time - I have been known to be surreptitiously checking my phone for a response while DH was talking to me and then subjected myself to a lengthy rant about how I never pay attention to him. Admittedly guilty in that situation and I would have been upset, too, if he had done that to me. But the passive-agressive note-leaving would NOT fly with me, and so long as your children were cared for and the house isn't on fire, I honestly don't see that it is any of his business HOW you spend your time. Even if the house is messy. I agree, I'm very much live and let live in that department.
We do have an imbalance of power around here, as well. I work full time and DH does his National Guard one weekend a month, and is taking a couple of classes at the local community college (another sore point as he has withrawn from the same class two semesters in a row now without completing the class but past the deadline to drop the course and get a refund. And who is paying for this? cough, cough). I expect him to cook and he cleans as well, although we are messy. I feel caught between this societal double standard where I, as of course the wife with a messy home, should be cleaning more so I have a spotless home (ick) but then at the same time, what is he doing all day? Not working, and apparently not doing enough to keep up with his class, either. I told G at work today that I can't decide if I have ridiculously high expectations of him, or if I am entirely too forgiving. I just don't know what the answer is.
I actually had a freak-out moment today because I got a message on my phone letting me know that my apple ID had been used to order a movie (The Matrix) on a device that had never been associated with a purchase for this account before. I flew into a panic, changed my password, and was trying to go online from my phone to figure out how to dispute the charge. I was at work, too, and really shouldn't have been dealing with personal issues so eventually I texted DH and told him to go online and figure out how to get the charge removed. He replied back that he had ordered it (from our apple TV, which is set up with my account) and was watching it as I texted. Told G the whole story and she asked if I was okay with the fact that my DH was watching The Matrix at 10:30 on a Tuesday morning on my dime while I worked. Honestly, this has become so normalized for us, my mind didn't even go in that direction until she pointed it out. And I know DH was home sick with a cold today (same cold I had last week) so I'm sure he was feeling crappy. But she has a point. I just don't know what to make of it all anymore.
Myles, two words. Splinter skills. There you go.
I am fuming mad at this neurologist. He made the most idiotic mistake (seriously, major textbook rookie mistake, for a doctor who has been working in this city for 30 years or more) of diagnosing a child with COGNITIVE IMPAIRMENT (read: mental retardation) without testing him. Wrote a lengthy report of how this kid is academically behind and it is due to a cognitive impairment which is likely genetic in nature. Okay - yes, the kid can't count past two (he's in preschool, not even in kinder yet). After G and I spent two hours testing him with every test known to man, we determined that he has AVERAGE cognitive skills and difficulty with auditory processing and sequences. Such as remembering strings of numbers or reciting the alphabet. He can identify quantities ("That's three" when seeing three blocks) even though he can't count to three, and he can copy complex visual patterns, and other reasoning and problem-solving tasks. In other words, he has a language disorder and is cognitively normal. Any doctor, especially a neurologist, should know better than to tell a parent her child is mentally retarded if he hasn't ruled out a language disorder. Idiot, idiot, idiot. I feel like reporting him for malpractice. Did the doctor test his language skills? No, of course he has no idea how to do that. And no mention of language or auditory processing in his report. But a "prescription" that we give him an IEP to receive special education and also give him speech therapy to support that.
So there, doctor - kid DID NOT QUALIFY for pre-academics. Because he is cognitively normal. It's his language!!!! Sorry. Idiot. He should seriously know better.
Did I mention he should know better?
Suja, big . I'm thinking of you and Pan.
Last edited by Gwenn; 04-23-2013 at 06:04 PM.
Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
04-23-2013, 06:07 PM
Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13
04-23-2013, 06:23 PM
Jenn, I live less than an hour from Kenosha, I may or may not have gone to the Texas Roadhouse there at least weekly when I was pregnant. The rolls, the prime rib. Ugh so good. Now I think I need to somehow make that "on the way" to the twin cities.
My dogs are awful in the car. It's such a pain so I never take them anywhere.
This is the first time Cameron is going to Disney World and she is 6. I would have waited till next year but I think it'll be easier to go when only one of my kids is on the move.
04-23-2013, 06:26 PM
04-23-2013, 06:29 PM
DH gripes at me too about my phone but I'm guilty of playing on it while he's trying to talk to me, too. But he has no idea how addicting Candy Crush is! LOL
He has often done the same thing to me too, when he's on the computer. Especially when he has headphones clamped on his ears and I can't talk to him for hours.
04-23-2013, 06:31 PM
Gwen, what you said about your DH reminds me so much of my ex. It would drive me nuts all the time. He didn't contribute to the home.
He was also part of the reason I left APA for a while as well as Facebook. I had too much "screen time " according to him.
Sometimes I read what ladies on here have to say and feel like you are under appreciated.
04-23-2013, 06:33 PM
So you ladies post from the computer? I never do, i am always on my phone. And sometimes, very rarely, my iPad.
04-23-2013, 06:36 PM
I cannot type on that silly phone.
04-23-2013, 06:38 PM
04-23-2013, 06:40 PM
04-23-2013, 07:21 PM
I post from my computer or kindle but I rarely pull out my kindle during the day because Sawyer will want it. Not worth fighting him.
And I don't have internet on my phone, and will rarely even answer a text without excusing myself from the conversation.
Mandy, if it wan't for you guys, that misdiagnosis could have really hurt that child. Awful.
04-23-2013, 07:37 PM
04-23-2013, 07:42 PM
Cama, have you been to the dino museum in kenosha? I keep wanting to take the kids there but it's a two hr drive so I want to be sure it's worth it! I've driven us places before because it looks cool online and then we get there and it's like the size of our living room! lol
04-23-2013, 08:39 PM
04-23-2013, 09:11 PM
Jenn - I am equally directionally impaired. I go to the dells every year and get lost every time.
Bridget- I haven't been but ill have to check it out and let you know. I have gone to the Jelly Belly place in pleasant prarie, and while it was free and kinda cool I don't think it was worth the trip.
I would take the kids to the Milwaukee public museum. They have a really cool interactive butterfly exhibit. I love that museum!
04-23-2013, 09:29 PM
Oh yes, we are members of the milwaukee public museum. That place is amazing. We love it. i remember going there as a kid for fieldtrips and I enjoy it just as much now. They had a pirate exhibit this winter that was awesome.
So I always forget to wear my tooth (words I thought I'd never say) when we go out. It fits now but the extraction site is still tender so it kind of aches to wear it. I don't wear it at home. We went to the library tonight and I ran into a family whose child I took care of 3 years ago. I stopped right when I found out I was pregant with Sawyer because she was pregnant too and had planned to start her baby right around the same time I was due. We both knew it couldn't work and it was a difficult goodbye. Anyway, it was so great to see them, and their daughters and my kids still talk about the girl all the time so it was fun to see the kids reconnect shyly with each other.
Right when I saw them I realized that I didn't have my tooth in. Ugh! It makes me very self conscious. When we were walking out I said to the kids, "I wonder if they wondered why I look like a jack o latern."
Savana and Kai laughed so hard. They were like, "Mom! No one would EVER notice that! You are so weird!" That's when I remembered Kai's missing his 2 bottom teeth and Savana her two top! lol. WE are a family of jack-o-laterns! Savana said she was very surprised that I would worry about that when I know that kind of stuff doesn't matter. She was also mortified when I mentioned the fake tooth kind of hurts. She's like, "WHY would you wear it if it hurts? That makes NO sense!"
They keep us real, don't they?
04-23-2013, 10:18 PM
I was shocked when my DH frowned on me chatting with my APA friends. He went through a period of suggesting that I was spending too much time on the computer. He never made such outrageous statements like Gretchen's DH. My computer is right in the office off the living room, so it's easy to have on. I can turn it on to play music, check email, look something up for the kids. It looks right onto the front steps, so the older kids can be outside playing with chalk or bubbles if I'm replying to emails about field trips or work, or ordering more supplies from Amazon. He did ask about stepping down from my nursing volunteer position, which uses some computer time, because he could see that I wasn't totally happy about my obligations there, but that is actually something that benefits me in my job.
He can't always tell what I'm doing at my computer, and he tends to use his computer for browsing a lot more. I flip back and forth between practical and play. I think he always assumes I'm doing something frivolous. What I ended up telling him is that I use it to save time, because I order things and comparison shop when otherwise I wouldn't be able to go out and buy things we need with 1-3 kids. He understands that. I have been getting toilet paper and coffee and diapers direct delivered to our house now every month, for example. I use it for my work, because I end up getting paid more if I maintain my higher status at work through evidence of being dedicated to my profession by my volunteerism (there is more to it than that, but that's the simple explanation). But most importantly, I use it to be able to relax and talk like a normal adult, because this is my only outlet to be able to talk to other people since I DON'T EVER GET OUT AND TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE WITHOUT INTERRUPTIONS. And that's it in a nutshell.
This is my only social outlet, really. The only times I ever get out and talk to other people are with other moms, rarely, and those are other APA moms (mostly) or with other twin moms (occasionally) and those are plagued by constant interruptions of children and no chance to have a real conversation anyway. I never get to have a chance for a meaningful conversation with anyone except for DH. He is wonderful, but he is tapped out most of the time also, and doesn't want to spend his time talking about what the kids did that day or how difficult it was. I need this time to be able to connect with other people who can identify with what I am going through, and Most Importantly (and this is what helped DH) are positive and help me feel like I can get develop good solutions for problems or who can remind me of how wonderful children are when mine aren't so wonderful. Nobody here is complaining about their husbands or children all the time (which is what my DH was concerned about, on a board full of women), and I specifically told him about this niche of secular friends that I'd developed an attachment to. I reminded him that when I lost Esme, APA was here in the middle of the night when I needed someone to talk to and he was asleep, and even though I don't need APA for that anymore, I still have a social need that APA fills. DH came to agree that I did need this.
Now, after the kids are put to bed, DH and I have come to a cozy arrangement. He watches tv or plays a video game for about an hour while I catch up on the computer or do chores, and then we sit on the couch together. We have our individual time to do whatever and our together time. I think it is important to present it as a 'what do you need and what do I need and what do we as a couple need' rather than 'what does the house need' because then you're going to run into some sense of entitlement and a guy thinking he has the right to do whatever he wants because you're not holding up your end of the bargain. I hated every sidelong glance I got when I was on the computer, and started thinking I wasn't going to have the computer on as long as he was home, but then I started resenting him for doing that, and I was so glad we got it resolved. But it is a straight computer time then together time, rather than checking back and forth on stuff. And I've been here for more than an hour, so I should probably get off and go over to see him.
04-23-2013, 11:09 PM
Shoot, well, that didn't sound as well organized and effective on screen as it did in my head or actually in our discussions. I asked DH what helped the most to convince him to relax about the computer issue, and he said that it was hearing about it being a positive influence in my life rather than a bunch of people just complaining endlessly about stuff or saying useless or random things. Mentioning that it was meaningful, significant, important, and that I wasn't just browsing a message board of ninnies helped a lot for him. He was familiar with message boards, obviously, but not the concept of developing meaningful relationships with them.
04-23-2013, 11:31 PM
L, I have realized that my DH also has had a different experience with message boards. He spent a lot of time on a NG board some years ago and ended up leaving. I think there is a very different dynamic in boards that are dominated by male posters, and even in what was supposedly a support forum often came down to a chance for showing off. Not that we don't see those things here, but I think they manifest differently, at least in our little corner of the Internet. So it can be difficult for others in our lives to appreciate what a special community we have found.
Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
04-24-2013, 05:17 AM
L- I don't think my ex understood why I love apa so much. I joined when Cameron was about a year and a half. I was at my wits end with her because she was in a phase where she took off her diaper and played in her poop. I couldn't find a solution so I came here.
I grew to love APA, and it's members. I think MOST of my FB is APA ladies. My best friend is a mom I met on APA. I dunno where I'd be without her. And I can't explain how much I needed a place to come during my pregnancy to vent about dr visits, my bad days and everything afterwards. I do feel like there can be a stigma with "online friends" but I think APA is a great source of meaningful relationships.
04-24-2013, 06:02 AM
04-24-2013, 08:10 AM
04-24-2013, 08:15 AM
04-24-2013, 08:26 AM
I think APA has taken on a role of unique social outlet and also almost a journal of sorts for me too. I haven't journaled since about the time I joined during B's pgcy. Journals for me were about rewinding back to certain parts of my day and watching them in slow motion, for an opportunity to process them or just enjoy them again. I now do that here. There are times when I know I'm churning out 2 paragraphs of random thoughts here to which no one will or should respond. APA indulges me that. And I love that we can talk about anything here. There are a number of times I've been asked about my stress levels and support systems, by IRL friends and healthcare providers, and I cite you ladies as the reason why my support system is so rich and my stress levels are low. I have friends to talk to IRL, but I barely have time to scratch the surface of catching up with them, and nowadays our attentions are always half on our kids. With whom else are my discussions this...acoustically-rich? Absolutely no one.
04-24-2013, 08:57 AM
I need to find other sources to relieve some stress, especially now that classes are winding down for me. I lurve you ladies, but about 75% of the time your conversations are much more advanced and intuitive than I am capable of being outside of textbooks and term papers.
Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog
04-24-2013, 09:02 AM
I nearly choked to death on dried up phlegm this morning. Like, for real. It was all clogged in my throat, and I never really mastered the art of hocking a loogie (sorry to be so gross, but it is what it is). I tried, and somehow ended up breathing it in and it got stuck. I couldn't breath, couldn't get it up or down. I did start to panic and didn't know what to do. I even started to see stars, feel tingly and as I was going to my knees over the toilet I reached in with my fingers to try and dig it out. I ended up making myself vomit (something else I've never been successful at) and that brought it up.
It's sorta funny now, but at the time it wasn't. I scared myself shi!tless. I kept thinking of the kids and how I was too young to die. :/
If I thought I had problems going to sleep before, I don't know how I'll ever manage to sleep again after that experience. I know it's because I have a cold of some sort (my throat hurts, and I feel phlegmy but my nose isn't plugged).
Last edited by missychrissy; 04-24-2013 at 09:04 AM.
Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13
04-24-2013, 09:16 AM