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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #40501
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    I don't know...they were pretty pictures. I just got this weird, "this is your destiny" sort of feeling looking at them. Like, what if she wanted to wear a different wedding dress? Or not get married? Or wear a tux?

    Funny, because I'm all about playing dress up and costumes. I admit I would have loved that too, at that age. But I don't remember seeing my mom's dress as a girl so I never had that specific fantasy. I also don't particularly like my mom's dress
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  2. #40502
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    Yeah, as I got older I wasn't a fan of my mother's any more either. I wouldn't have wanted to feel obligated to wear it, that's for sure.

    I'm more creeped out by Purity Balls and having young girls swear their virginity to their father. Or vow to their father they'll remain a virgin till marriage. Whichever way it goes, it's icky icky icky icky. I do not think fathers should be involved in their daughter's sex life on any level, at any age. Absolutely inappropriate. Daughters don't owe their fathers that promise at all. If they want to promise it to anyone, then it should only be to themselves.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  3. #40503
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    OMG, I saw one of those filmed on TV once. Creepy as heck. It was like they were getting married to their Dad - and I can't think of anything much creepier than that. Ick, ick, ick.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  4. #40504
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    That was my take on it too. Very skeeved out.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  5. #40505

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    I have to agree, Mandy. I think it's one thing to let your child dress up in your wedding dress but to take professional pictures could insinuate expectation.

    Also, yeah, Sawyer does not get lengthy explanations! When I see parents in public over explaining to toddlers, I always feel like they are trying to model to the public what a great parent they are. And discussions mid-tantrum are never a good idea, as my mil could attest to via Kai!
    And I've totally done the, "Right, Mom?" "Yes, right. Wait, what??"

  6. #40506

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    Oh, Myles, I think you were gone when I discussed the alarm in here. A while back there was a daycare provider here in Wi (Milwaukee) that left a baby in a van after tranporting some children. He did not survive.
    So the way our state responded to that was to require all daycare providers to install this "child-safe" alarm in the back of the vehicle. It's in the back, so presumably on my way to turn it off I would be seeing each child that I put in the van to begin with (In case I forgot, you know, the CHILDREN that I'm being paid to care for). A law that gives the appearance of addressing the problem but really addresses not at all the oodles of low quality childcare, especially in low income areas. In fact it actually enables it, if you ask me.

  7. #40507
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    I missed sooo much!

    I'm awful with names, sometimes I can remember, sometimes I can't. Unless it is in your siggy - than I am not likely to remember

    I discuss with Nolan when he is doing something wrong, at least to the extent that I think he is capable of understanding. He has verbally exploded over the past few months so I am now able to match what I knew he could already comprehend, to what he is able to converse back to me. I feel like I am more likely to not see a repeat action out of him if I explain "if you go down the slide head first you are going to hit your head". Of course he ruins that theory quite often as well (the previous example took 3 instances and a face full of dirt for him to listen).

    I was never a chatty child and I am not sure what route Nolan is going to take. He has his chatty moments and definitely talks more than most 2 year olds I know, but he doesn't tend to chatter 'at me' it is usually at his toys or himself Most people who know us or see us only in public situations don't think he talks at all. Some have even expressed 'concern' with how nonverbal he is. Um... He's not, he just doesn't know you.

    My brother was always one to pull random moments and conversations from his back pocket about how horrible my parents were. That is of course, instead of taking responsibility for his own stupid decisions. A conversation I had with my mom about that ended with "I know you F'd up when we were kids, what is the point of dwelling on it?" My brother makes her feel like crap and she just beats herself up. It is in the past, move forward.

    I checked my blood pressure yesterday and it was down a TINY bit. It was 140/90 a little less than 2 weeks ago and it was 136/85 and that is after being on my feet for quite some time and walking around, so maybe the CALM stuff my MW suggested is working I don't know what it is about pregnancy causing my BP to go up. I have *no* problems any other time. Two instances of 140/90 or higher and I have to get an OB consult/transfer so I really gotta try to get it to come down.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  8. #40508
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    Be careful Christina and keep a close eye on it. I had that preeclampsia with Bobbie. Nasty stuff. I topped out at 210/134 & they had to do an emergency c-section. 20 years ago today, in fact. 3 lbs, 3 oz and 16 & 1/4" long.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  9. #40509
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Be careful Christina and keep a close eye on it. I had that preeclampsia with Bobbie. Nasty stuff. I topped out at 210/134 & they had to do an emergency c-section. 20 years ago today, in fact. 3 lbs, 3 oz and 16 & 1/4" long.
    That is scary!! and Bobbie!!

    My BP did this with Nolan as well, I never developed Pre-E (I did 3-24 urine collections to prove it). My OB had it in his head that I had pre-e and kept making me do them (BP 150/110 at its worse). I got my surgeons report a couple weeks ago for my MW and he even put it on the report "Pre-eclampsia Superimposed by Chronic Hypertension" or something along those lines.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  10. #40510
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    I woudln't pay for a professional but I could see having my little girl try on the dress and take a picture myself. I love shows like say yes to the dress BUT I cannot see paying that much money for one dress. Mine was only 400 and it was custom by the dressmarker that made my mom's dress 29 years earlier. I could see asking if she wanted the dress or the material to bring into her own dress. I was at my heaviest at my wedding so my dress is pretty big and has a LOT of material.
    Those purity things...creepy!

    Christiana I hope that you can keep the blood pressure down. Make sure that you haven't moved much at least 10 minutes before, keep feet flat on the floor, don't talk during it and relax your arm/shoulder. I used to think I had higher bp until I saw this one guy who would tell me to relax and would put his hand on my shoulder until he felt it relax before he took the reading. Made a difference for me.

    I don't think you would ever leave my kid in the van Bridget BUT I do think that I would want a provider transporting my kid to have the alarm as just an extra measure. I think that they have had more the one case of a child being left in a van.
    But that is awful that the state is holding up your payments!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  11. #40511

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    Jennifer, I can see both sides, I guess. But honestly if I thought there was a chance that my provider could actually forget my child was in their care, I'd never leave my child with them. I've said before, I can sort of see how it would happen, say, if dad was dropping the kid off at daycare when he NEVER does that and his brain just takes him to work. Totally devastating. But when you have a provider whose job it is to care for the children, that peson should be accounting for the whereabouts of every child, every few minutes. Children must always be within sight and/or sound. I do it in my own home, in my own yard. And I certainly don't think I'm going above and beyond by doing that. It's my job.

  12. #40512
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    That reminds of a news story I read the other day
    http://www.abcactionnews.com/dpp/new...nearly-8-hours

    There were so many things wrong with this. Why were you out til 4 a.m.? How did you forget one out of three of your kids? What 2 year old sleeps til 11-12??

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  13. #40513
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Christiana I hope that you can keep the blood pressure down. Make sure that you haven't moved much at least 10 minutes before, keep feet flat on the floor, don't talk during it and relax your arm/shoulder. I used to think I had higher bp until I saw this one guy who would tell me to relax and would put his hand on my shoulder until he felt it relax before he took the reading. Made a difference for me.
    That's good advice Jennifer, thank you! I am such an anxious, stressed individual in general. I am aways in a rush, with a list of things to do, and it is amplified while pregnant. Especially this pregnancy, the whole VBAC process is going to be a fight and that is a major stressor for me right now.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  14. #40514
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    Oh yeah I agree with all of that. But I also think that too many people don't have a choice in providers and can it being really hard to truly know and trust in them. It just really is not awful that there's a lack of quality and afforable care. I remember hearing stories more than once about a child being left in a van or bus by a daycare/school. And if it can prevent just one child from harm, it's worth it.

    But man it was and is HARD for me to leave my dogs with someone else. And I live where I don't have my family....if I can't hardly trust someone with the dogs (seriously I couldn't do a dog sitter whose job it is to take care of dogs because I was afraid they might let my dogs run away), who I could I get to know well enough to trust with my baby?

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  15. #40515
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    Yeah even small things, like if you appt is on the second floor and you take the stairs, raises the bp. You ideal want to sit and chill out for 10 minutes before taking it.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  16. #40516
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    Wow is right Jennifer. Thanks for sharing that story. There is something really likable about that family. Something about their attitude feels totally right to me. It’s like, they value the knowledge and that’s why they pursue it, rather than being motivated by some external expectation to do or be anything.

    Bridget, I think you’re right that the policy requiring an alarm in every vehicle is too blanket. In your case, it’d be a complete waste because, as you said, you’d never do something like that.

    Y'know, by the time I was 12, I probably wouldn't have even fit in my mother's wedding dress? We are physiological opposites - her all tiny and bird-boned, and me all top-heavy with my broad shoulders & back and tendency to pack on fat around and above the waist. I learned the official name for my body type is "inverse triangle". What a lovely designation. Anyway, my parents' wedding pictures were so dreamy and fairytale like. She looked like a princess to me. I would have loved to try on her dress and gown. She let me try on her wedding shoes once. I don't remember much more about it, but it must have been special for me because I even remember the occasion.
    Last edited by demigraf; 04-18-2013 at 10:29 AM.

  18. #40518
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    My mom wore a short little skimpy dress that one of her sisters stole for her to get married in. I remember looking at it as a kid and thinking how it didn't look like a wedding dress. It was a melon color with little bouquet of flowers all dotted around it. I might be able to wear it now as a tunic top. My mom is 5' tall compared to me at 5'6."

  19. #40519

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    My dad actually just recently gave me my mom's dress. She made it. It's simple and lovely but I'm not sure I will get married. Either way, he says it's mine to do what I like with. He took it to have it cleaned when he found it in the storage closet and it also needed repairs. I think it was Klinkes where he takes his work shirts every week. They called him and said it needed minor repairs and there were some stains they couldn't remove so they wanted to send it out to somewhere else if that was ok. He said ok and when he went to pick it up, they would not accept payment. I thought that was really cool. The dress does have a small brown spot on the sleeve that my dad says is either a cigarette burn or bbq sauce, both of which make me imagine my mom being really carefree in her wedding dress. Or drunk. Either way, fun.


    Email from mil:Good morning my dear grandchildren.

    The pictures and sayings below are to put more love and joy into your day. You already get lots of that from your wonderful mom.

    Thinking of you!



    Love Oma xoxox



    P.S. brought home some fleas and am bitten all over, but think I have them under control now. Caught a couple of them last night
    .



    Yeah, we have no fleas. First of all, I steam cleaned all of the mattresses because of the bed bug scare (which was just a scare but we threw out the suitcase and he got a metal one) and we have no carpeting. Second of all, we just had the cats in for their shots and they are bug and worm free. Third of all, they do go outside so fleas could not survive winter temps. Fourth, none of us have bites of any kind.

    I am so tempted to write back that maybe Kai's rude behavior makes her itchy.


  20. #40520

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    Ha ha! What a passive aggressive b|+<# ! Seriously, with verbal snipers like her, I tend to do the direct takedown, since they're so terrified of direct confrontation..."What makes you think you got fleas from us? I did x, y & z and no one in my home has flea bites, so you may want to question your conclusion that the fleas came from us. Have a nice day, b|+<#."


  21. #40521
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    Lol. Yes, I agree with Myles. I would totally send something like that. I actually do get called mean by some folks who don't like my honest side.

  22. #40522
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    I agree with Myles as well!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  23. #40523
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Yeah even small things, like if you appt is on the second floor and you take the stairs, raises the bp. You ideal want to sit and chill out for 10 minutes before taking it.
    Will do. Maybe I'll sit and do my 10 minutes of meditation next time I take my BP - might get some looks at Wally-world though I thought about buying my own, but they are expensive and I am worried a cheap one would be inaccurate.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Hm.... ok..

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Ha ha! What a passive aggressive b|+<# ! Seriously, with verbal snipers like her, I tend to do the direct takedown, since they're so terrified of direct confrontation..."What makes you think you got fleas from us? I did x, y & z and no one in my home has flea bites, so you may want to question your conclusion that the fleas came from us. Have a nice day, b|+<#."

    I like this idea. Bridget, your MIL makes my BP go up BOTH of my parents are passive aggressive this way and it drives me mad.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  24. #40524
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    That is scary!! and Bobbie!!

    My BP did this with Nolan as well, I never developed Pre-E (I did 3-24 urine collections to prove it). My OB had it in his head that I had pre-e and kept making me do them (BP 150/110 at its worse). I got my surgeons report a couple weeks ago for my MW and he even put it on the report "Pre-eclampsia Superimposed by Chronic Hypertension" or something along those lines.
    Could you be borderline? They say that if you have it with your first, you're more likely to have it with subsequent pregnancies...but that didn't happen to me. Thank goodness. The worst thing that will happen now is they'll pay closer attention to you, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Jennifer, I can see both sides, I guess. But honestly if I thought there was a chance that my provider could actually forget my child was in their care, I'd never leave my child with them. I've said before, I can sort of see how it would happen, say, if dad was dropping the kid off at daycare when he NEVER does that and his brain just takes him to work. Totally devastating. But when you have a provider whose job it is to care for the children, that peson should be accounting for the whereabouts of every child, every few minutes. Children must always be within sight and/or sound. I do it in my own home, in my own yard. And I certainly don't think I'm going above and beyond by doing that. It's my job.
    As a mother who forgot her own daughter, at a time when I was a single mother and Rich didn't even have visitation of her yet, who forgot her daughter in the car, I say no one can ever say with any certainty that they'll never, ever forget about a child in their car. Accidents happen. Even to good people.

    Quote Originally Posted by AmeriBrit View Post
    My mom wore a short little skimpy dress that one of her sisters stole for her to get married in. I remember looking at it as a kid and thinking how it didn't look like a wedding dress. It was a melon color with little bouquet of flowers all dotted around it. I might be able to wear it now as a tunic top. My mom is 5' tall compared to me at 5'6."


    My wedding dress was a short one.


    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    .[/SIZE][/FONT][/FONT][/COLOR]



    Yeah, we have no fleas. First of all, I steam cleaned all of the mattresses because of the bed bug scare (which was just a scare but we threw out the suitcase and he got a metal one) and we have no carpeting. Second of all, we just had the cats in for their shots and they are bug and worm free. Third of all, they do go outside so fleas could not survive winter temps. Fourth, none of us have bites of any kind.

    I am so tempted to write back that maybe Kai's rude behavior makes her itchy.

    [/FONT][/COLOR]
    So awesome about your mom's wedding dress & that they wouldn't charge your dad!!

    But about MIL. I really want to say something to her myself. For you. It wouldn't be nice.

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Ha ha! What a passive aggressive b|+<# ! Seriously, with verbal snipers like her, I tend to do the direct takedown, since they're so terrified of direct confrontation..."What makes you think you got fleas from us? I did x, y & z and no one in my home has flea bites, so you may want to question your conclusion that the fleas came from us. Have a nice day, b|+<#."

    What Myles said. Do it B!!!!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  25. #40525

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    I just replied that she must have caught them on the plane because we have no fleas in our home and that fleas cannot survive wisconsin winter temps.
    When she was here I caught her whispering to dbf that she can smell mold in my pantry so something is rotting in there. I know just what she was smelling because I had mistakenly left a bag of flower bulbs hanging on the inside door hook so there was a very strong earthy smell in our whole house, actually, before I moved them to the garage. Other than that, only dry goods are in there and I vacuum and wipe down regularly. I shared that all with her after I honed in on her whisper-ma-phone and she cluck clucked that she knows mold when she smells it. So I stated again that I would have seen it since I clean regularly and she changed her tune to that it was hiding in the walls. (Maybe I shouldn't be storing rotten food in the walls but who knew??) At that point I just chuckled and told dbf to get the ax and check the inside of the walls.

  26. #40526
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Could you be borderline? They say that if you have it with your first, you're more likely to have it with subsequent pregnancies...but that didn't happen to me. Thank goodness. The worst thing that will happen now is they'll pay closer attention to you, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.
    There is always a chance that it could have developed into Pre-E or not, but at the time of his delivery, I did not have pre-e.

    My issue is that if my BP goes up this pregnancy I'll have to transfer to an OB, at a hospital 1.5hrs away, and that is not feasible for me.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  27. #40527
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    Christina....I would ask the pharmacist at wally world how often their bp machine gets checked. I used to have one by the library that I know we had checked on a regular basis and every so often it would give off bad readings and I would put in a request to have it checked. I want to say that I thought that machines at stores didn't do that. By me, you can go into a clinic and have the nurses check your bp for free. Or if you want, I can look up in consumer reports and see what model they found to be the most accurate for at home. My impression is that some of the home ones are better than store machines (if not checked).


    Bridget that is an excellent point. Fleas are NOT in season up here yet. I don't even do frontline on my dogs that much over the winter. I think I did it in Dec just because it was still fairly warm and I pulled a tick off Cosmo in Nov. But I skipped it Jan, Feb, March. I did treat the girls for April assuming it would be warming up. My bad....I could have saved the money this month!

    Well if your roof ever leaked or water damage happened, you could have mold in the walls. So often I have seen them tear apart walls on HGTV and discover mold. But really I think that with five of you living there, one would be sick at least. We suspect grandpas house has mold. There was known leaks and water damage. And every time MIL goes there, sinus trouble happens and she doesn't feel the greatest and coughs more. She keeps trying to talk her dad and brothers into doing something about it because there is no way they will sell the house until that is fixed and professionally cleaned up.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  28. #40528
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Christina....I would ask the pharmacist at wally world how often their bp machine gets checked. I used to have one by the library that I know we had checked on a regular basis and every so often it would give off bad readings and I would put in a request to have it checked. I want to say that I thought that machines at stores didn't do that. By me, you can go into a clinic and have the nurses check your bp for free. Or if you want, I can look up in consumer reports and see what model they found to be the most accurate for at home. My impression is that some of the home ones are better than store machines (if not checked).
    I vaguely remember seeing a spot that showed a last calibrated date or something like that. I'll have to check next time. If you have a chance to look up the consumer reports that would be awesome They ranged in price A LOT though, but I think being able to take it at home would help me to get a more accurate 'resting' BP.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  29. #40529

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    Your MIL makes me more and more mad the more I read about her, Bridget. I mean, what a loser she must be to feel the need to be so critical. I HATE people like her. Yes, I said HATE. I think people like her must neglect themselves and their own personal development greatly if they're so busy trying to find fault with other people.

    Ugh. I couldn't help myself and Googled the story about the baby left in the van. Why do I do that? It's so heartbreaking, and disturbing AND infuriating. I was reading the comments from that poor baby's family and they must feel so much outrage. The driver who left the baby there must be having a hard time living with himself, and I feel kind of sorry for him in that way. But what a senseless waste.

  30. #40530

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    As a mother who forgot her own daughter, at a time when I was a single mother and Rich didn't even have visitation of her yet, who forgot her daughter in the car, I say no one can ever say with any certainty that they'll never, ever forget about a child in their car. Accidents happen. Even to good people.
    I know this was a long time ago, but would you mind sharing what happened that day? I'm just curious what was going on for you at that time. I think stories like this help me know what to watch out for in myself, as I recently had that awful accident you all know about with Bodhi that I never dreamed would happen. But if it's too unpleasant a memory, you don't have to talk about it.

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