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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #40441

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    I had to tell Josh recently that I wasn't here to be nice to him and be his friend but to be his parent. I wish I could be as gentle as I wanted to be when I was picturing how I wanted to parent, but I don't think Josh benefits from gentle parenting. Does that make any sense or am I just doing it wrong? I get no response from him unless I'm very firm. So I try to be firm but gentle which seems like an oxymoron just looking at it. We are just very different people. He chatters all day which honestly wears me down (it's an introvert thing) and then DH asks me why I'm tired and I can't explain it. It's not that he's really physically exhausting especially since he's older and doesn't need to be followed around anymore. I guess it's that he's mentally exhausting!

    I too am on a fitness kick-we'll see how long it lasts. I went on the treadmill and then Josh and I went for a walk with Bo. I don't take Bo for walks as much as I should because since he's a beagle, he puts his nose down and drags me along. LOL

  2. #40442
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I had to tell Josh recently that I wasn't here to be nice to him and be his friend but to be his parent. I wish I could be as gentle as I wanted to be when I was picturing how I wanted to parent, but I don't think Josh benefits from gentle parenting. Does that make any sense or am I just doing it wrong? I get no response from him unless I'm very firm. So I try to be firm but gentle which seems like an oxymoron just looking at it. We are just very different people. He chatters all day which honestly wears me down (it's an introvert thing) and then DH asks me why I'm tired and I can't explain it. It's not that he's really physically exhausting especially since he's older and doesn't need to be followed around anymore. I guess it's that he's mentally exhausting!
    I think each child is different and what they respond too will differ. Firm, but gentle makes sense to me. We each have to mold to what our child needs and it sounds like you are doing just that mama! Nolan is super sensitive and any sort of tone turns him into a ball of tears, so I have to be more sensitive with him than I know how to be sometime.

    The exhaustion, I get it. Man oh man do I get it. I get exhausted around very quickly around people who talk a lot and struggle to be less of an introvert (it is part of my job to be social after all... gag). DH doesn't really get that about me either, he doesn't understand the whole introvert process.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  3. #40443
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    Y'all probably saw I swam half a mile last Wednesday (I sang my own praises-as I am prone to do-on Facebook); I'm going for 3/4 of a mile tonight...we'll see how it goes! My arms are still killing me from last week. I swam breast stroke, which is not my natural way to swim, so it really took some effort. Afterwards, I got a muscle spasm in my right upper ab...lord, I thought I was gonna die!

    Bridget, your kids are so sweet. I wish more kids were like them. I see a lot of the ugly side of kids with working with 10 year olds who like to wind each other up and do nasty things to each other. Their empathy is nearly non-existant at that age it seems!

    Christina, I am glad baby bean is an active little thing. I saw that you announced it on FB. Congrats, again!

  4. #40444
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    Kate, I totally understand where you are coming from with feeling tired by the talking. Sometimes it takes all my strength to not tell Cam to STFU. Sometimes me saying "please be quiet" sounds more like a desperate plea than a request. Full day kindergarten is my saving grace. I couldn't have her at home all day.

  5. #40445
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    I'm not an introvert, and it's exhausting to hear Mira's chatter. She wakes up talking, and goes to sleep talking. And I really hate it when I can't hear myself think. What I end up doing is to play music; she immediately focuses in on it, and the chatter cuts down considerably. I have a great deal of sympathy for my mom, who is an introvert, because I was an extremely chatty kid as well.

  6. #40446

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    I had a not-stellar mothering moment this morning. B crawled into bed with us at 7am (after waking me at 12:30, and then on the hour until almost 4am; guess who slept terribly last night?). He kept on kneeing me in the stomach, so I asked him to stop and moved his leg. He did it again. I moved his leg off. I asked him to stop again. It happened again a third time. A fourth time. So finally, I growled/hissed at him, "STOP ITTTTTT!!!!". Then DH yelled at him in his scary voice, "C'mon! Mommy asked you to stop!" He started crying from being yelled at and said he'd just wanted to grab the blanket with his foot because he was cold. DH told him if he couldn't keep quiet and let us rest in quiet, he'd have to go to his room. B got off the bed and started crying on the floor. The crying got louder and louder, until DH took him to his room and told him he had to stay there ("We love you and love to cuddle you, but if you can't keep quiet, you're not allowed in our room when we're sleeping.") Then he came back into our room and tried to lie down for a bit again.

    Boo to me. I eventually apologized for yelling at B , but had been so exhausted at the time, I stayed in bed a full 15 minutes while B cried pitifully and settled himself. He was playing and singing by the time I got to him. It probably doesn't sound so awful, but in hindsight, I wish I'd dragged myself out of bed and explained to him right away why we needed our sleep. I tried a little bit. I told him they don't let me have a nap at work, and my eyes and head hurt if I don't get enough sleep. And if I get too tired, I may make dangerous mistakes.

    We're trying to figure out what more we can do about the sleep issues. The nighttime waking seems hopeless, and we're just waiting for him to outgrow it, but I'm tempted to try L's ingenious TV method to keep him out of our room in the morning. Only problem is that DH has made turning on the TV a complex technical feat. Maybe we can let him have the iPad in place of the TV?
    Last edited by demigraf; 04-17-2013 at 04:17 PM.

  7. #40447
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    I hope you're not beating yourself up over that, Myles. He is certainly old enough to use his words if he wanted to pick up the blanket, and should know to not knee you in the stomach. That falls under the 'cause harm to oneself or others' clause, and IMO, there is no need to mince words about it. Also, being sleep deprived makes one cranky and not be able to think clearly, and hind sight will always be 20-20.

    Can you get him something to *do* when he wakes up? A puzzle or something that involves thinking, so he can maybe get tired and fall back asleep again? Also, I wouldn't worry about complex technical feats. Little kids are great at figuring those out.

  8. #40448

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    I think I'm an introvert too. But just from adults lol! Seriously, having mil here was SO hard. Like I had to force myself to smile when she came busting in the kitchen at 8am and tried to flip the pancakes I was cooking, or asked me every morning if she could pour me some coffee and I would calmly say EVERY morning that I really prefer to prepare my own cup when I have time to drink it. She was just being friendly but I'm just not up for adult convo right away in the morning. However, if Kai comes out of his room, I look forward to what he is going to say because he so cute in the morning!
    Then dbf is extremely extroverted and drives me crazy with his chattering sometimes. Not the kids though, I really like their chattering. Lucky thing, since I never get away from them. I've always been able to have long conversations with kids, even as a teenager. When I worked in daycare, it was challenging for me to do nap time because we would go around the room, spending a few minutes rubbing kids' backs to get them to sleep and they would start talking to me and I couldn't help myself from having a conversation with them and getting the evil eye from the other teachers in the room.


    Mylah, I feel ya on the sleep. Kai, at 5, is JUST starting to sleep in his bed. But he was in ours while mil was here, and actually kicked me in the face. A five year old face kick is not the same as a baby face kick. Hard not to see red.

  9. #40449

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    Oh, but I have said to Kai that he has to be quiet if he is going to be in our bed (because he still comes in sometimes). He will want to hum, or tell himself a story and the rules are clear. Totally quiet or totally out.

  10. #40450
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    Awww Myles ((hugs)) I'm sure the whole thing bothers you more than him. You will not escape motherhood without some snaps here or there. It happens to the best of us.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  11. #40451

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    So, this may be an ignorant question, but does it not seem counter-productive for the media to be telling us that they have a suspect, before any arrests have been made? Doesn't that give said suspect a heads-up?

    Ugh. I'm ready to hang up my childcare hat again. The only thing that stops me is how much I like the kids we take care of. But we're back in the same boat, being stuck at home because I opted not to install the $500 alarm required to transport kids so we're stuck here all morning and then Sawyer takes his nap right as the children are leaving so we're here for another 2-3 hours. It's so much more ideal for us to get up and out in the morning. Also, I've been caring for this family for nearly 3 months and haven't seen a dime from the subsidy program yet. I called monday to check up on progress (again) and the woman I spoke to was reading the emails aloud to me and she read one that said, "Oh! I found the information for that provider and family from an email you sent me a month ago and I did nothing with it! Lol!"

    Lol??? Really??? I want my money!

  12. #40452
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    Oh god Bridget!!!

    I've read they've actually arrested someone.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  13. #40453

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    Oh, and I'm all worried I'm coming off all saintly saying that the chatter doesn't drive me insane. Plenty of other things do. Like Savana hollering at me from her room after I tuck her in. The same holler, mind you, that she uses if something terrible is happening and so I race in for her to say, "You know what's weird?......." and just casually tell me what's on her mind.
    And the new thing that's really making me close my eyes and clench what teeth I have left is Sawyer's game. When we are all sitting on the couch together reading, if Savana or Kai get up, he races to where they were sitting as starts screaming, "MY SPOT" until they come back and either tearfully fight him for it or just ignore him and sit somewhere else at which point Sawyer starts screaming and pointing that spot saying it's his, eventually going over to them and shoving them until they move. Story time has become the hardest part of the day.

    Myles, have you ever tried that clock/alarm for children that shows a certain color when it's time to get up? I've heard a few success stories with that. Something that kept Savana in her room was this turtle light that makes constellations on her ceiling. It's really cool.

  14. #40454

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    I thought I heard there was an arrest, too.

    I'm glad, in a way, that some of you feel my pain with the chattering. I thought I must be the only one who doesn't like to hear their kid talk sometimes. I think back to when we were worried about a speech delay and kick myself for just wanting him to stop talking...just for a minute. I used to hate it when I'd see parents ignoring their kids talking but now I know you have to filter some of it or go insane.

    Josh also has a problem waking up and keeping quiet in the morning. It takes all his strength to stay in his room until 7 and I know he's awake watching the clock because he comes bounding in at exactly 7 on most days, if not earlier.

  15. #40455

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    No. You're not the only one for sure, Kate. There are some days when the chattering ceaseless, and so incredibly loud! And I feel even worse about not wanting to hear it because I don't even get to spend all day with B. You'd think I'd want to give loads more attention to his chatter, but at certain moments, I just want a few minutes of silence in my own house.

    Do you ever start reading a person's post but get the poster's name wrong in your head? So you're reading along, assuming it's another person, and then the post says something totally uncharacteristic, and that's when you double check and see that you'd been thinking the poster was someone else? I did that today, Suja, with your last post. I thought you were Bridget for some reason. You didn't even have an opinion uncharacteristic of Bridget, but when you said "no need to mince words" I thought... "Bridget wouldn't say that, would she?" That was just a totally random overshare.

    Bridget, I can't believe that woman thought it was funny that she'd effed up like that. Some people just suck. BTW, what is this $500 alarm, and why can't you leave the house without it? ... And boy, Sawyer is sassy for taking on his older siblings for his 'spot'. Are you ever secretly proud of his willfulness? I confess I would be.

  16. #40456
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    I've most definitely been overwhelmed with the kids' chatter. It seemed like on the days when I had the least emotional energy to spend, they had the most inane stories they'd just have to tell me about in minute detail. Complete with, "And she said...", "So I said....," and "and she said...." It could go on for hours. And I had 3 of them coming at me. I confess, a couple times I snapped, "Do we have to do this now?" and they'd get hurt and take that as validation that I didn't care about them.

    Being a mother is hard. We are, after all, still human. Our kids (of all people) don't really see that though. I know Bobbie at 20 (tomorrow!) seems shocked whenever I mention it.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  17. #40457
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    Myles, just so there is no confusion, I'm the one with the horns, and Bridget is the one with the halo it's a compliment, that you'd mistake my post for hers, however briefly.

  18. #40458
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Myles, just so there is no confusion, I'm the one with the horns, and Bridget is the one with the halo it's a compliment, that you'd mistake my post for hers, however briefly.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  19. #40459

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    You hush now.

  20. #40460

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    Yeah, I do that sometimes! I know most of you so well and someone usually mentions a kid's name or something that will identify who they are that I don't even look at the user name most times, so sometimes I'll be reading along and stop and think, who am I reading about again?

    Chrissy, I think you must be a saint, putting up with three teenage girls and 1 young boy's chatter. Is Conner really chatty? Because Josh just literally never stops. I counted his questions a couple days ago. In something like 7 minutes he asked 20 questions. I believe it when they say little kids ask hundreds of questions a day.

  21. #40461

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    Mine try to follow me in the bathroom and when I shut the door on them they ntalk to me through the cat door.

  22. #40462
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    I just vividly remembered being three years old and trying to follow my mother into the bathroom chattering. She actually tried to close the door on me and shut my finger in the door. And made it abundantly clear to me that she felt like dirt for doing so. I'd forgotten all about that! But she must have felt the same way.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  23. #40463

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    LOL Bridget, talking to you through the cat door. My son tries to talk to me from the other side of the house when I'm in the bathroom. I think he realizes I don't want him in there but doesn't realize I just don't want to be talked to while I'm trying to go to the bathroom.
    I've always been big on bathroom privacy and DH is anything but, so I can see where Josh would be confused. DH leaves the door open while he does his business, even in the bathroom that's just off the kitchen. I think it's disgusting.

  24. #40464
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Yeah, I do that sometimes! I know most of you so well and someone usually mentions a kid's name or something that will identify who they are that I don't even look at the user name most times, so sometimes I'll be reading along and stop and think, who am I reading about again?

    Chrissy, I think you must be a saint, putting up with three teenage girls and 1 young boy's chatter. Is Conner really chatty? Because Josh just literally never stops. I counted his questions a couple days ago. In something like 7 minutes he asked 20 questions. I believe it when they say little kids ask hundreds of questions a day.
    With our newcomers, I don't know people's real names, nor their associated screen and children's names yet.

    I would call Conner really chatty, but then again he's among 3 teenage girls. I'm not sure how he'd be solo! Also, when he's asking lots of questions, we tag-team answer him. I've definitely felt less sole responsibility towards him compared to what I felt with the girls. I've been able to enjoy him more. I've not always responded very well to the chaos-especially when they all want attention at the same time. And that still happens. Now that I'm less stressed, I don't snap (as often) but it does cause me to feel anxious. Sometimes, I just want things to be quiet too.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Mine try to follow me in the bathroom and when I shut the door on them they ntalk to me through the cat door.
    Mine always followed me in the bathroom. Only in the last year have I been able to pee in solitude. But occasionally, I'll get texted while I'm in there.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    I just vividly remembered being three years old and trying to follow my mother into the bathroom chattering. She actually tried to close the door on me and shut my finger in the door. And made it abundantly clear to me that she felt like dirt for doing so. I'd forgotten all about that! But she must have felt the same way.
    Owie! I can only imagine how awful your mama must have felt!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  25. #40465
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    Kate, that is gross!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  26. #40466

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    Oh yes, I forgot too: Congratulations on a flippy bean, Christina!

    JoJo's incessant chatter can drive me around the bend. By the end of a day that I am alone with her I am exhausted from the endless talking. The other day I started giggling to myself because in my head I kept wanting to ask "Is there a POINT to this story!?!?"

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  27. #40467

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    Oh, that would suck! I bet your mom felt awful!!

    I really have hardly an urge to be judgy judgerton to other parents but there is this family at Kai's karate they are making me insane. The oldest boy who is about 6-7, always refuses to do the class. His younger bro and sis do it. Every time, through the entire class his parents threaten him with all kinds of stuff like, "You don't get to do baseball anymore. You are never coming here again. You are never playing video games again. You will wait in the car next time." The best is when the mom says that if he doesn't do the class she is leaving and then she puts her coat on and he FLIPS out, begging her to stay so she takes it off and he stops but won't do class. She tries this several times with the same result each time. Then at the end of class, when the instructor always have the kids do something super fun like a game of tag or an obstacle course, he gets up to join and his parents say, "You are NOT joining the game. Absolutely not because you didn't participate in class."
    At which time he gets up and joins the game and they say and do nothing.

    I want to give them unsolicited advice SO BAD. I mean, inside I do but i really never would.

  28. #40468
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlwonder View Post
    Oh yes, I forgot too: Congratulations on a flippy bean, Christina!

    JoJo's incessant chatter can drive me around the bend. By the end of a day that I am alone with her I am exhausted from the endless talking. The other day I started giggling to myself because in my head I kept wanting to ask "Is there a POINT to this story!?!?"
    Just a word of warning, don't ever act out on the urge to say that. No matter what! It'll continue to come up in every event where they want to list how you've failed miserable as a mother.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  29. #40469

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    In my head I'm always making that circular "wrap it up" motion with my hand LOL

  30. #40470
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Oh, that would suck! I bet your mom felt awful!!

    I really have hardly an urge to be judgy judgerton to other parents but there is this family at Kai's karate they are making me insane. The oldest boy who is about 6-7, always refuses to do the class. His younger bro and sis do it. Every time, through the entire class his parents threaten him with all kinds of stuff like, "You don't get to do baseball anymore. You are never coming here again. You are never playing video games again. You will wait in the car next time." The best is when the mom says that if he doesn't do the class she is leaving and then she puts her coat on and he FLIPS out, begging her to stay so she takes it off and he stops but won't do class. She tries this several times with the same result each time. Then at the end of class, when the instructor always have the kids do something super fun like a game of tag or an obstacle course, he gets up to join and his parents say, "You are NOT joining the game. Absolutely not because you didn't participate in class."
    At which time he gets up and joins the game and they say and do nothing.

    I want to give them unsolicited advice SO BAD. I mean, inside I do but i really never would.
    Seriously-what's the point of saying all that if they never, ever follow through?

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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