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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #40081
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    I hope that you get the ultrasound soon Christina.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  2. #40082

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    Bridget, Savana is just adorable with her "tiny but handsome head" comment. Brains and heart both ...

    ... just like R, L! Those sweet loving moments are the best, and like everyone else I'm impressed with the twins' math skills. Negative numbers, wow!

    I wish I had some advice about Maiya and the religious stories. I'm in the same boat. My mom is really religious and it's kind of a constant struggle to maintain boundaries. I know she can't help it -- as dh says, "she breathes in air and breathes out Bible!" but it can be challenging because I know it means so much to her to have the kids learn about God/Jesus, and yet I feel squicky about the idea of teaching them stories as "Truth." I have no trouble talking about various religions and what people believe, and God and Jesus are not taboo subjects at our house. I took Noe to church with my parents Easter morning because to me that's a cultural tradition. I grew up belting out "Christ the Lord is Risen Today," and I really love the old hymns and spirituals. BUT there's a line there that can be difficult to enforce, when it's not just cultural or learning the literature and theories of religion, and becomes about guilt and sin and only one way -- "the Way, the Truth and the Life." I was uncomfortable with Noe hearing about how Jesus died to save her from a life of sin, uncomfortable with talk about the crucifixion and how Jesus rose from the dead. That stuff is creepy superstition to me that can put a heavy burden of guilt on a kid. I say that as someone who was raised in the church, studied the bible for years and even taught bible study classes and sunday school -- I still struggle with fear and guilt related to religion, and I don't think I'll ever get that out of my head. I hate the thought of doing that to a kid, and when I look back at teaching innocent little children those "truths" once upon a time, I feel bad about it. I feel that I contributed to them possibly developing a set of ideological beliefs that are not only untrue, but may hinder them later in life. I don't want that to happen to my kids.

    It's a complicated issue. I think how we'd handle it at home would be that if my mom wanted to teach Noe bible stories or talk to her about God, she can do that at her house... and when I'm at home, I'm clear with her that Grandma's beliefs are just her beliefs... they are not the only truth. But I know dh is not comfortable even with that, and sometimes I'm not either. That was how we did things with dd1 -- my mom talked to her about religion, almost bathed her in it when she was at her house, and then at home we talked about differing ideologies. And now, as a teen, my dd is agnostic and comfortable with that, so I guess the approach worked... BUT. She is also quite uncomfortable with my mother. She hates that her grandma talks to her about religion. She feels guilty and bad about it -- guilty that she doesn't believe the same, that she doesn't like hearing about it, and I think a little angry and resentful too that she doesn't feel like she can be honest with my mom without upsetting her (but that's more about my mom's personality than just the religion, and hopefully Maiya's grandma is more open and less easily upset).
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  3. #40083

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    Oh, and Jennifer, thanks for your perspective on the runaway toddler mouth! I'm glad you said that -- it makes me feel better. The lady did seem comfortable, and not offended, and I'm grateful for that as I'd hate to be the reason someone had a less than fantastic day. But I guess I'm sensitive on the topic because dd1 did say something once as a 4 year old that really offended someone, and I felt terrible about it. It wasn't about size -- there was a woman at the church we attended at the time who had a very, very pronounced mustache. dd1 mentioned it one day and the woman gave us an absolutely scathing look. We had to see her and her kids every Sunday after that, and she always pulled her kids away from my dd, and it was awful. So I'm so glad the woman yesterday had a sense of humor and seemed comfortable in her skin (and seemed to know that little ones just have no filter), but I know some people aren't so ok with themselves, and I just hate the idea of hurting someone needlessly.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  4. #40084
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    I meant to say that that was awesome how Savana caught herself and said such a nice thing! What a great kid!

    And I'm jealous Gretchen and Janet had a swim date....I want a swim date!

  5. #40085

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    Christina, I hope you get that ultrasound really soon.

  6. #40086
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    Quote Originally Posted by pepperlru View Post
    Oh, and Jennifer, thanks for your perspective on the runaway toddler mouth! I'm glad you said that -- it makes me feel better. The lady did seem comfortable, and not offended, and I'm grateful for that as I'd hate to be the reason someone had a less than fantastic day. But I guess I'm sensitive on the topic because dd1 did say something once as a 4 year old that really offended someone, and I felt terrible about it. It wasn't about size -- there was a woman at the church we attended at the time who had a very, very pronounced mustache. dd1 mentioned it one day and the woman gave us an absolutely scathing look. We had to see her and her kids every Sunday after that, and she always pulled her kids away from my dd, and it was awful. So I'm so glad the woman yesterday had a sense of humor and seemed comfortable in her skin (and seemed to know that little ones just have no filter), but I know some people aren't so ok with themselves, and I just hate the idea of hurting someone needlessly.
    I find it ironic that your negative experience happened with someone in a church. Actually, no, I don't. Which contributes to why I distrust most people that attend church regularly.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  7. #40087
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    I was trying to remember how DH and R. were talking about the multiplication of negative numbers, and this is how DH remembered it:

    R. already knows that 2 x 2 = 4
    He couldn't really multiply by negative 2 off the top of his head, but he could multiply by 2. So if he had -2 and multiplied it by 2, it made sense for him that it would be -4.

    I have been also trying to get C. to calm down by counting backwards down from 10 when she's really upset, because counting up to 10 from 1 doesn't really cut it any more. Lately I have her count back from 10 to negative 10. Or I have her count to 100 by 10s or by 5s or by 20s, or to 20 by 2s.

    I was trying to practice mindfulness on my way home from work today, thinking about how I should sit down with my kids and focus on small things like the color or the shape of a blade of grass, or the soft riffle of the wind on my bare arm, or the slow hiss of the heat turning on, or the scent of a freshly cut apple, and slow down and savor the different minute sensory impacts and take time to notice them and reflect. I thought about that, and thought about how it would be nice to be able to take a class with one of my children in the evenings, maybe a family tae kwon do class with one of them one day, and maybe a drawing class with another one another day. It seemed very ambitious and unrealistic and sort of romantic, given the realities of our situation. They would love it, though.

    And then I got home. And for about 10 minutes I was swarmed with loving chaos, and then it was just chaos, and then it was shrieking crying chaos and "He's hurting me!" chaos and then there was more yelling and more crying and screaming and running around the house and I found out S. hadn't eaten since his morning snack and I had to get dinner made asap but nobody would let me make it and I had to keep giving them things to do and keep trying to keep them separated because the more they were together the more crying and yelling happened and C. cut out a butterfly shape out of paper and tried to give it to me and it was just the thirtieth thing that made me stop making dinner (the 29th thing being trying to put underwear back on S. after he refused to do it himself) and I can tell you that I was just about the least mindful mom there ever was.

    I always have such good intentions. I really do. And about 45 minutes into being screamed at, I have such a hard time staying calm. I am SO good at work, and everybody tells me I am really good at staying calm under pressure and I am more generous and patient than most of my co-workers would be, according to them.

    I apologized to C. for rejecting her butterfly. And I am not looking for a whole lot of "there theres" -- I know we all have bad days, and the yelling just gets to me. But I know that I've been less patient in general lately, and I know I can do better.

    -------

    Speaking of, I told you that I would tell you about my mom. I was an accident as well. My sister and I were both IUD babies. My mom never made me feel unwanted. My dad was disappointed we were not boys. My mom loved us wholeheartedly. We were with her all the time. She worked occasionally, went to school sometimes, shared her life with us, took us to classes, read to us. We were part of the adults' lives, in that we went along to the grown-up parties and hung out with the other kids. I don't remember date nights or grown ups only or anything like that. It was all one big social circle, and we would all play together in sort of an extended family. One of the girls I played with as a baby 40 years ago was just visiting from Oregon last weekend with her family on Easter. My mom was in her early 20s when she had me, so it didn't seem strange that all the grown-ups and kids would play kick-the-can together in the late summer evenings. Even now, the friends she had then tell me that she used to say that she couldn't imagine anything better than spending time with her children.

    So yes, I grew up feeling very loved and secure. I think that contributed a lot to my sense of security and self-esteem. I only remember my mom being mad twice during my entire childhood. DH tells me that is partly that my mom is a little bizarre in that she is very stoic and doesn't show feelings much, though. She doesn't show happiness, much, either. She remains very impassive. I think that may contribute to my difficulty in reading people. Far better than my DH, who had to be able to know instantly upon entering the room if his mother was in a bad mood or not.

    I confided all kinds of things in my mom, things she may have not wished to know. I told her when I lost my virginity, for example. And more details than that. She gets a little uncomfortable with things like that. I treated her like a confidante. Still, I am not as close to her as I think a lot of people are to their mothers. I think she was a wonderful mother, but I don't feel the need to call her to tell her things. I have to remind myself to invite her along to events that she might be interested in, and even then, I don't enjoy her company as much as I should. I'm not sure why this is. I find myself getting a little irritable at some of her habits, at only the way extreme familiarity can do. Like, if we're shopping together, she tends to not pay attention and run her shopping cart into my heels. Or at my house I get home and have to bustle around a bunch and she follows me and stands right where I need to go. I hate the thought that my kids might feel the same way about me some day. DH dreads his mother's visits, so he is far worse than I am, but I also think his childhood was more conflicted.

    So, I guess my summary is that you can have a perfectly wonderful mother and think she's awesome, and still not end up with a great relationship at the end of it all. But it may just be me and the fact that I'm a little prickly in general. I definitely show more feelings to my kids. And they have seen me mad more than twice already. My mom tells me that she thinks I'm a better mother than she was, but I think I'm always going to have a hard time living up to her, just because of that unconditional love and support she always provided me. I am glad that my children have both of us here to balance each other.

    Whew! All right, DH is calling me with his siren song....


  8. #40088

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    I hate ALL clothes shopping. ALL of it! Hence why I am so out of style. My clothes mostly consist of gifts. You know, the kinds of things people bring home for you from vacation, so they're all from Yellowstone or Alaska or Canada or something. And my only swim suit is a bikini from pre-baby days, back when I didn't look as horrible as I do now. But it works, and that's enough for me!

    Ash, good for your mom for hanging up on him. So sorry it's going that way...

    L, how did I skip the story about R?? That's amazing! He is so smart. You say you have good intentions, and though you sometimes have a hard time staying calm, you're obviously doing something really right!

    Myles, I don't know exactly where you are, but I know of two other pools like that- one in Oakland, one in Newark- both indoors. http://www2.oaklandnet.com/Governmen...tics/OAK029284 and http://www.ci.newark.ca.us/departmen...ices/aquatics/ this one is currently closed for maintenance, and may be the one you've already heard about. All that, however, is WAY too much for Maiya. We just went to the Plunge in Hayward. A very simple, basic, but relatively big kiddie pool. Perfect for my girl who hates splashes!

    Bridget, I'm sure your bionic tooth is giving you mixed emotions. It sucks, but it will be so nice to have that taken care of.

    Christina, hope you get an ultrasound, and very good news, soon!

    I don't know, maybe I'm over reacting. I'm really not anti-religion, I'm just anti-telling my 3 year old that something is fact when it isn't. I just don't believe in that, period. I love having a rich fantasy life, and we play pretend ALL THE TIME. But I don't tell her any of that is real. I don't mind her being exposed to OTHER people believing it's real, but that's very different from my mom- the person Maiya is second closest to in her whole life- tellng her it's real at this age.

    Plus, I finally read the books. The little one is way more religious than I like, but otherwise ok. The bigger one? It's awful! Full of anger and evil and murder... It's the kid's version of the bible, so I guess it would have to have all that, but this is my girl who gets scared when the bear forgets to bring his cat home from the pet store!! So with or without the religion, that one is out for a few years.

    I'm debating telling her it's ok to read her the little one, just as long as she doesn't try to teach her anything. As long as she treats them like just stories, it's fine. And then also introducing other religions. I didn't want to introduce ANY religion yet, but if we do one, we need to do more than one...

    Oh, and my mom raised me, and her mom (who was definitely Christian, not wanna-be, like my mom) lived with us, so I was definitely exposed to it from a young age. I went to Sunday school a few times, and sang in the choir, and went to VBS and all that. It didn't traumatize me, but it definitely lent to a different type of soul searching than I want Maiya to go through.



  9. #40089
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krystal5 View Post
    I don't know, maybe I'm over reacting.
    I don't think you're overreacting at all. You simply feel more passionately about the topic than I ever did. It's ok. She's your daughter and you get to call the shots. I think I'd try to say something nicely at first, but I wouldn't hesitate to throw a snippy, "You got to ruin me your way, let me ruin mine my way." I've used it before.

    L, that's so sad to me that you could have such a close relationship with your mom growing up, but feel so different as an adult. I think ideally, we all want to be close to our children from birth till we die. At least for me, that was my goal. I do realize, though, many adults (especially on here) have less than stellar relationships with their mothers. Worse ones with their mother in laws. It worries me. I tend to think that most people love their children more than their children love their parents (at least after age 8 or so). It's heartbreaking. Now that I'm gonna be a gramama so that one will certainly love me forever. lol (j/k-but that does seem to be how it works!)

    I won't "there, there" you about your day, but just say that we're all imperfect humans with our own needs and limitations. Parenting is a journey in itself and we learn as we go along. I'm a vastly different mother now than I was when I first had Bobbie and not much of that is related to how young I was. For 17, I was a 'mature' mother in that I had my goals and was focused. Our lives really weren't different from any other young couples with a new baby, except I went to school instead of work. We (I) made mistakes, but I'm sure most of them I would have made if I'd waited till I was 30 to have children. I had these strange ideas about how things would work...

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  10. #40090
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    When is your appointment?
    They (the radiologist) are supposed to call me to set up an appointment, haven't heard from them yet.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  11. #40091
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    Oh, after all that talking last night I forgot to say anything about the heartbeat--it can be very tricky to find a heartbeat before 12 weeks. I wish you a lot of luck, and call the radiologists' office back soon if you don't hear from them.

    I wouldn't say I have bad relationship with my mom at all, but it's not as close as it could be. I was trying to offer a counter-example to the black-and-white lack of bonding as a child ==> lack of bonding as an adult idea.


  12. #40092

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    Oh L, I can totally relate. I have all these wonderful intentions of sharing things with Josh, really trying to bond with him, and then he comes home and throws his backpack and coat on the floor, demands a snack, throws himself on the floor screaming if it's not just right, won't tell me about his day, won't do anything without resistance...and I'm thinking, how am I supposed to bond with this?

    I see the tearjerker videos about how this time goes by so fast and how wonderful it is and they make me cry, not for the intended reason but because I feel like we (DH, Josh and I) are not enjoying it as much as we should be or other people seem to be.
    Last edited by daylilies; 04-05-2013 at 01:37 PM.

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    Thanks L. My head knows that, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  14. #40094
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    I really love my mom a lot and talk to her generally 2-3 times a week. But I wouldn't want my mom to live with us....she can be kind of bossy and tends to think she is right and her way is the best way. Like when we were first going to get Cosmo, I knew a week in advance. I didn't tell my mom until AFTER we brought her home. I didn't want to hear it that getting a dog was stupid because we lived in an apartment and it would be hard to find another place that would allow a dog when we moved (we knew we weren't likely to stay in that area forever). And this was in my mid-20's AND I was married and we totally supported ourselves. Or I might hear about how my aunt is doing something "wrong" with her kids....I mean I generally agree with mom that my aunt shouldn't be doing x or should be doing y a certain way but still.
    I did finally show my mom last visit the stuff for little dude that I have been slowly collecting. I was surprised that she didn't have a comment about the cloth diapers other than "oh I thought about doing that with you but didn't".....but she did tell me to quite buying stuff because I was going to jinx myself. She knows I have talked about the room getting ready but thinks I should wait until we have been matched. Whatever. I just probably will not talk about it much until the room is done and I think we will get going on it after the vacation next month.
    That said, there is nothing my parents wouldn't do for me.

    Now my MIL is a different story. She is a GREAT MIL. She always tells me "it's whatever you want" and "I just want you kids to be happy". I talk to her almost daily on the phone and via email. I have absolutely NO issue telling her, no this is my house, we will do it this way or this is my kid and I want it like this. I have already told her things like that before in regards to the dogs or food safety (I refused to eat meat until she stopped freaking defrosting it on the counter).
    I do feel a bit bad though the one time she was trying to spear butter in a pan with a knife....I have VERY sharp knives. I said, no that knife cannot be near that pan. (the pans are expensive and a have a nonstick coating). She wasn't listening and was like, it's not going to touch the pan (which I thought too once and accidently nicked a different one with the same knife). I tried again and finally was like get that effing (insert real word) knife away from my expensive pan. She finally did.
    She knows I can be a PITA about certain things but really if either of us bugs her, it's her son. LOL

    It will be interesting to see how we do on vacation together. A solid week together, sharing a hotel room and in the van. Well technically I got one of those hotels with a bedroom/living room/kitchen. She is taking the couch but I think the only way to the bathroom might be the bedroom.

    I think that she will probably end up moving to Milwaukee later this year to take care of grandpa...he's 92 and shouldn't be really living alone in a house. Once he's gone though, she wants to live by us and depending on money she might end up living with us instead of getting an apartment.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    When my mom lived in the US, we used to talk amost daily. Now, we talk weekly. I miss her a lot. Both my parents and my ILs have stayed with us for months on end, and mostly, it is not a problem. Mom is like me, in that she can only take so much togetherness, so she gives space. DH likes dad better because he is SO gregarious.

    L, I think you need to cut yourself some slack. At least you have so much chaos to deal with. I just have the one kid, and feel at the end of my rope half the time. I think I was 100% right in that I have not a maternal bone in my body, and I am just not cut out for having kids. It might help a little if I had even a half way supportive partner, but it is simply not something I derive much pleasure from. I love my child, but I honestly would rather get every one of my teeth drilled without anything to numb it than have another child.

  16. #40096

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    {{{Christina}}} I hope you get to put your mind at ease soon!!

    It's funny with parents. I kind of felt as a child that I loved my parents more than they loved me, but I think I just was an emotional kid and I seemed to have particularly strong "love" emotions. They, on the other hand, had two kids close in age, and my little sister was more outgoing and vocal about her needs (squeaky wheel), and then they had a third child later on to take care of. And of course, looking back on it as an adult, I can see they had a lot of stuff of their own going on (miscarriages, marriage trouble, etc), which they never shared with us. My mom was the stoic type as well, not very comfortable showing her emotions, and while she was at home and always there for us -- all of our physical needs were met, and then some -- she was an introvert who needed her own space, and had a lot of headaches and some pretty black moods where we had to step very carefully. My dad traveled a lot for work. So, while I think we were a close and happy family in most regards, I look back and realize that there was a part of me that always wanted a little bit more than they had to give -- more hugs, more one-on-one time, deeper understanding. And then I had a somewhat tumultuous adolescence, and my mom really didn't "get me" at all and had a lot of anger and resentment and embarrassment about the kind of teenager I was (she had been a very conservative, religious teen -- I shaved my head, listened to punk, wrote gothic poetry, and pierced my own nose). It really broke my heart how angry she was at me about those things, that she couldn't "see me for me." I understand now where she was coming from and how hard it was for her, but at the time I just felt rejection. I left home for college at 16 and I don't think my parents were sorry. They had a lot of other stuff on their plate.

    Now that I'm turning 40 and they're in their 60s, they seem to be the ones tasting freedom - ie, retirement - and going their own way. And I think I still worry about them and want to be with them more than they do me. I recently was talking to my mom about where they're going to retire, and I said I worried that if they were far away from us, I wouldn't be able to help care for them if (when) they needed it as they got older. She didn't seem to want that at all. She said they're thinking of leaving California for someplace less expensive (which I totally get) and someplace more conservative (which makes me laugh -- my mom is getting more extreme religiously as she ages and I think she's one of the only people I've ever heard of who wants to move to the South so she can be around people "with traditional values" -- what!?! Nuts). I guess maybe as adults we're still playing out my teenage years, in a way -- our "lifestyle" and lack of religion really upsets my mom and drives a wedge between us. I still love her, even though I think her views are kind of wacky, and I'm asking her to love and accept me, and she can only do it up to a point. I think that's just something I have to accept will never change.

    All of that really to say that I do think how my parents raised us has informed how I am with my own kids -- both the ways I want to be like them, and the ways I'm different. I'm much more emotionally available than my mom was -- my girls do see my feelings, and my troubles (and my frustrations, and impatience!), but they also feel my love. I was very cuddly and physically available with both of them (the teen doesn't need much of that anymore, but as a child we were joined at the hip, and Noe still shares a bed with dh and I for most of every night). I want them to know that they're the best part of my life, every day, and that they can come to me for anything. We talk a lot. I must have done an ok job with opening lines of communication, because my teen will still talk to me about anything (yesterday she walked into the room and said, out of the blue, "I'm glad I'm a girl. Having internal genitalia is just better. I'd hate to have to be careful every time I sat down so I didn't sit on one of my balls."). My teen has a lot of goals, and she wants to do her own thing, but she doesn't want to leave home. Looking at colleges, I said there were lots of art schools to choose from all over the country, and she said she didn't want to leave San Francisco because "I don't want to be that far away from you." I think that means I'm doing ok.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  17. #40097

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    Jennifer, it's so sweet the relationship you have with your MIL. What a great gift for all of you (your dh especially). I love my MIL - she's a sweet lady - but while I'd love to have her live nearby, I could not deal with living with her. It's really generous of you to be open to that.

    Suja, it's great you know yourself so well. I think lots of people don't realize that about themselves until they already have too much to deal with. And I think you're a great mom, and Mira is lucky to have you. The whole teeth-drilling metaphor made me shudder, though. I would rather do anything than that. Including have 20 kids.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


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    I think it is an unpopular thing to think, never mind say out loud. How can anyone think that motherhood is not the cat's meow? It is for a lot of people, I'm sure (why else would anyone have more than one?), but not for me. Maybe if I had had a different, more easy going child, I'd feel differently, but I doubt it.

    Christina, I hope everything turns out fine. Do give them a call, if they haven't called you yet. It's not nice to make pregnant ladies worry!

    Gretchen, it is good to have that perspective. I can easily see myself being that mom, and it's good to see it from the other side. I hope the two of you can have that relationship you've always wanted. It IS hard though, when people have strongly held views.

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    Bridget, I think I will be jealous of your bionic tooth. I have ridiculous teeth that I'd love to replace one day.

    Suja's tooth-pulling metaphor remindedme of Bridget's tooth. Suja, that is cool that you realize that about yourself. I think a lot of people would try to ignore those feelings. I wish people were more honest with how hard parenting is.

    L, don't be so hard on yourself. I think we all have those kind of moments where we envision all the cool things we can do that day and then the reality hits us as the kids start punching each other and screaming for everything they want.

    I thought that Travis would be an only child after I had him. I would've been content with just him, but we went on vacation with the whole family when Travis was a year old and I saw my 2 nephews interacting and knew that I wanted the same for Travis. I'm glad we have 2 now for both their sakes, but we have sacrificed a lot to have 2 children.

    Gretchen, that's brilliant that your daughter wants to be nearby at university. I think my mom and dad regret now that weren't closer as they always hint that they want us to live over there, but I'm much closer to my in-laws and can't imagine ever leaving here while they're still alive. I think if I had been closer to my family, I wouldn't have been able to make such a big move over here.

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    In light of all our discussions here lately, I thought I'd put this one here.

    http://www.stevewiens.com/2013/03/12...s-it-out-loud/

  21. #40101

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    Christina, of course you’re worried, hun! I hope you get some real answers soon, and that your mind can be taken off it in the meantime.

    L, I remember meeting your mom. She does have a very nice quiet reserve, and I think you get it from her. She seems to do a lot for you in terms of looking after the kids, and it speaks volumes that that you trust her with them. I hate whenever ANYONE runs into my heels with a shopping cart. I have a feeling there’s a nerve in there that automatically triggers a blind rage. I heard somewhere that people with parents who were hard to read become very inferential. They don’t take what people say much at face value and always try to find the subtext. I think I’m like that, at least a little. Do you think you’re like that, or do you think having an inscrutable mom made you more inclined to take people literally?

    Janet, thank you for sharing about the pool in Oakland; I think Oakland is pretty convenient from where I live. It looks like loads of fun and perhaps us NorCal gals should all meet up there one day. Speaking of Oakland, a daddy friend of ours is playing jazz at a brunch place there on Franklin & 17th. I can't remember it's name but it was an old tile factory and was an Indian buffet for a long time too. Anyone interested in joining? Our kids will be there.

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    I just tried to look up the restaurant. DH and I used to eat there regularly when it was the Indian place, pre-kids. I loved the old tiles all over the walls. But it looks like the live music is in the evenings? Are you talking about tonight? After kid bedtime (7 PM) we can't go out. We have used up our date this year already.

    For me, having an inscrutable mom made me take everything literally. I'm terrible at subtext. I didn't even know it existed. It helped that she is so placid and easy-going. I didn't have to worry about her taking offense if I didn't meet expectations in some way. On the other hand, I also didn't learn a lot of normal social rules like greeting people when they come home, saying good morning to people when I enter work, things like that. It takes some effort on my part to remember that people like these things. My dad comes here and walks in and doesn't talk to any of us, just sits on the couch and waits for the kids to come run over to him.

    DH pays a ton of attention to subtext.

    Suja, thank you so much for that article. It reminds me a little bit of this one, which has been posted around a time or two. I liked how someone still justified in the comments that she still wanted to keep reminding people to enjoy at it all now because they grow up so fast, but she doesn't mean to stress people out by it, just encourage them to relax.


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    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    I didn't have to worry about her taking offense if I didn't meet expectations in some way. On the other hand, I also didn't learn a lot of normal social rules like greeting people when they come home, saying good morning to people when I enter work, things like that. It takes some effort on my part to remember that people like these things.
    This is how I am as well, and I've always kind of thought maybe I was a bit autistic or something because I take things literally a lot of times and have a hard time with some social niceties....like, if I'm in a conversation with my SIL and a mutual mommy school friend, after the mommy friend leaves, my SIL will be like, "OMG, could you tell how uncomfortable she was when she said blah dee blah blah" and I'll be like, "Oh, um, no, I guess I didn't notice that."

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    Ash, I have ridiculous teeth too. I really hope my children do not inherit that from me. The reason I had root canals on both my canines to begin with is because they were so high up on my gums that the braces pulling them down so far damaged the roots. I also had 2 teeth in the roof of my mouth that were FACING THE WRONG WAY that I had to have surgically removed. So freaky. I remember being in so much pain. I was laying on the couch with a pile of gauze next to me that I kept having to change since it was bleeding and overhearing my mom crying to my dad about how bad she felt for me. He went out and bought a vcr that day, after they'd said we'd never buy one. Softies.

    My brother has been giving me the cold shoulder all week because I turned down his invite to be my dad's date at his friend's wedding this weekend. That's right. I wasn't invited by her or my dad, nor do I really want to go...and I'm supposed to feel bad that I'm not going??? Goof. He gets mad at me randomly sometimes when I don't do what he wants me to do especially when it involves me choice to "not have a life anymore" now that I have kids. I think he misses getting sloshed with me. lol. Anyway, I ususally have to just wait it out when he's pissy until his drama-self gets over it. But bigger drama surpassed his annoyance with me today. He called me 3 times in a row and the first 2 times I ignored it because I was the mediator in a 4 way game of candyland but the 3rd time I thought it must be an emergency so I answered. And boy was it. A fb "friend" made a homophobic comment and my brother responded that he was unfriending him before he realized that he couldn't do that from his phone and didn't want to appear that he was making empty threats so he NEEDED me to immediately log into his account and unfriend the guy for him. So. Funny. I hope I'm forgiven now for my totally rude behavior of turning down a non-existent wedding invite.

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    I am so glad that your brother realizes how important it is to be consistent.


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    LOL, Bridget, you are a good sister! I just this past week have deleted my brother from my friend's list...he was one of those people who never posted anything and never commented on anything and I am fed up with him any way, so I 'unfriended' him.

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    My MIL used to never have anything to do with us. Barely acknowledged we existed and that included Nolan. After DHs stepdad passed (whom we shed no tears for) she became much more involved. She tries (in her way) to make an effort to spend time with Nolan (despite the fact that Nolan still screams/cries when she picks him up).

    DH is the oldest and my MIL's only non-stepdad kid. He ended up being raised by his grandparents (for reasons that we won't get into) so he's always been kind of the 'black sheet' to his mom, which is sad. I'm glad she's getting more involved in his life though, he loves his mom so much, even with her obvious neglect throughout the years.

    Crazy busy at work or I would reply more. TGIF

    Oh.... They couldn't get me in for my ultrasound until the 15th.... Better than waiting another month til my next appointment though.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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    Christina, I'm sorry that they couldn't do an ultrasound right at the appt. I didn't realize that they could do one at 11 weeks....I thought at that point it was still necessary to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  29. #40109

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Oh.... They couldn't get me in for my ultrasound until the 15th.... Better than waiting another month til my next appointment though.
    Bummer. I hate it that they have to make you wait. If only there were an ultrasound facility for every gas station in America. I suppose, the silver lining of having to wait is that time provides you with more certainty. In a couple more weeks, your MW can expect to be able to find a HB more easily.

    My pregnancy w/ B was pretty crazy at first. Firstly, I hadn't had a period in 3 months, and suddenly I had a BFP. So they couldn't tell me my due date or how far along I was without an US. Then when I went for my first US, it was too early to see anything. Not even the tiniest little spec of a fetus. My blood hCG was kinda high, and they had me come in a few times for more bloodwork, so they could see it was rising maybe a little too rapidly. For awhile, we were wondering, "is it twins? is it a molar pregnancy?" I really didn't know. I had the option of going in for my next US in one week or two weeks. The mamas in "Expecting" encouraged me to wait two weeks instead, just to give myself the highest likelihood of seeing something. And if they found nothing, then at least we knew that they should've seen something after waiting all that time. So anyway, you all know how that pregnancy turned out. My point is... waiting might not necessarily be a bad thing, because your results will be more likely easy to interpret the longer you wait. (((***HUGS***)))
    Last edited by demigraf; 04-05-2013 at 03:46 PM.

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    My midwife does not have an ultrasound in office. So that wasn't even an option.

    Transvaginal would be preferable, but I'll be 13wks at that point the abdominal should show something. I don't need to see much, just a fuzzy blurry moving baby will be just fine by me.

    and thank you, I know this can be 'normal' and I feel silly for worrying. Really, really silly, but I can't help it and poor hubs, he walked in last night and said "I can't stop thinking about our baby" and just walked out. He just can't express himself. Its harder for him right now I think.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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