04-02-2013, 12:15 PM
Yeah, he devours the meals I cook. I don't think he should say a word about the mess. Actually, to mention it once or twice, to offer a suggestion of how I could make things easier, would be fine. But he has seriously said it to me so many times. I have to laugh to stay sane.
04-02-2013, 12:21 PM
04-02-2013, 12:26 PM
04-02-2013, 01:36 PM
04-02-2013, 01:42 PM
04-02-2013, 01:56 PM
04-02-2013, 02:06 PM
I'm going to try a slow cooker pork vindaloo this week (with rice). I'll let y'all know how it turns out.
I have some things to add about the mom conversation, but haven't had much time to write and haven't had much sleep. I had chores and had it out with DH last night until about 11:30 and then S. woke me up multiple times and then DH woke up at 5 because he couldn't sleep and then I couldn't sleep so I got up. I don't have a whole lot of patience for yelling kids today, and DH and I aren't giving each other a lot of slack because of leftover tensions from the weekend. DH is under a ton of work stress right now, and he feels under the gun to get a lot of work done every night - probably the way I feel all the time, that my work is never done and I always have more to do, instead of being able to relax and play a video game when the kids are asleep. It's wearing on him. Although my work is mostly internally motivated, and nobody else is going to care as much if the dishes aren't done every night and the laundry is skipped one day.
04-02-2013, 02:44 PM
L, a vindaloo?! Isn't that one of the hottest curries there is? A lot of my male Brit friends like to brag that they can eat a vindaloo after a night out drinking.
Just going back to the parenting conversation. I had an awkward childhood. Whenever I hear anyone say that they'd like to go back to being a child, I think to myself, 'Not in a million years would I go back!' My parents were both extremely poor growing up. If you've ever seen pictures of the Great Depression, that's what my parents' childhood was like, so to my parents, me and my 2 siblings had a great childhood as we had food on the table every night and shelter. Our house didn't always have glass windows (covered in plastic from panes being broken out). We didn't always have hot water or electricity, but we survived. I'm sure my parents loved us, but they didn't ever really show it. We kind of raised ourselves since both my parents worked long hours when I was little. We roamed the woods every day and kept ourselves busy with our crazy imaginations, and I am surprised that none of us killed ourselves from the stunts we pulled (like climbing bluffs, swimming across river currents and jumping from tall rocks with no adults around.) When I got a bit older, my mother turned in to an alcoholic and I can remember that awful feeling of a knot in my stomach when I would be on the bus on the way home from school. That was from when I was about 10 to 15. She was sooo embarrassing. Again, we raised ourselves through that whole time period and it affected in me in that I couldn't do any after-school type clubs or pursue any interests where most parents would help you out like being on a sports team or academic clubs because mine just weren't able to do anything for us in that nature. When I was 17, my mom got a full-time job and it was the best thing to happen to us as it stopped her drinking as much. Looking back at it all, I don't blame my parents for anything or resent them, but I know that they influenced me in how socially awkward I was back then. I just had no idea how to interact with people. I never knew how to express my emotions or feelings. I lived in my own little bubble. I moved away as soon as I could and I think my parents now are a little sad that we aren't closer, but we just didn't have that kind of relationship. I miss them every day as I miss the familiarity of my surroundings and being around people who have known me my whole life.
I know that I want to have a much better relationship with my own children, so I know that I won't be much like my own parents.
04-02-2013, 02:47 PM
04-02-2013, 02:50 PM
04-02-2013, 04:06 PM
Ash . It sounds like your childhood wasn't easy. I can very much relate to the fact that they weren't around much to be role models for you. We were latchkey kids, with my parents working all the time, and I feel as though they didn't impart any values to me. I feel like I pieced together everything from books, TV, teachers, my sister. My parents were already very reserved towards me (see above), but there was also the fact that they were struggling with being immigrants in a new land, and they didn't know how to assimilate their values with the new ones they were encountering. It kind of paralyzed them from giving us any kind of proactive instruction as we were growing up. They embarrassed me a lot too. They also went through a good decade of being into Charismatic Catholicism, speaking in tongues and hosting 7-hr prayer meetings in our home, and they completely failed to convey why any of that was any good. There are subtle things I got from my parents that I'm grateful for. My mom is a very poised, gracious lady, and I sometimes hear myself mimicking her voice in situations that call for poise and grace. I have one great memory of my dad from when I was 10; it was Xmas Eve, and he took me to buy some Duran Duran posters. But for the most part, I remember him as being very cold and distant. I remember being very upset about a high school classmate dying in a car crash, and my dad very grudgingly let me cry on his shoulder, but it seemed like it was excruciating to him.
Something shifted a little in my early 20s, when my sister lost her mind and got committed, and we had to come together to get through that period - just taking care of practical matters like "what are we going to do about her car & apartment?" and "how can we transition her out of the institution and back home?". I think we realized then that we related to each other better as adults. But I guess by that time, it was a little too late to have the connection I feel a child should feel with a parent.
Bridget, I'm the messy one in the family, for sure, so I know how you feel getting nagged about it. In my case, I deserve it, though. I just wish M wouldn't be such a broken record and seemingly belittling towards you. It seems loud and clear to me that he feels exempt from having to do the chores related to keeping the home running smoothly. Have you ever come to an agreement between the two of you on that one simple question: Should M or shouldn't he be pitching in with things like doing the dishes? It'd be a start.
L, I'm so sorry that the tension from the weekend is still vibrating in your household. I'm hoping this is just a phase for the two of you because it's brought on by his work. The work stress probably explains a lot about his attitude over the weekend too. I hope you get some more sleep, at the very least. Do you ever stay in bed all night with S? At times that B is waking up multiple times at night, I find that sometimes it helps to just be there for him to roll into. I sleep with these ear plugs in that allow me to still hear him if he cries out, and since I'm already there, I only have to rouse myself minimally to give him a quick cuddle. I hope this all passes soon for you.
Last edited by demigraf; 04-02-2013 at 04:08 PM.
04-02-2013, 05:12 PM
I told my child that it was time for a shower, and she actually said 'Yes Mama, let's go upstairs'. I think she is coming down with something
04-02-2013, 05:21 PM
I know exactly how you feel!
Originally Posted by Suja
04-02-2013, 05:23 PM
Me too! If Bodhi's too compliant, I think there must be something wrong. Like yesterday, after the BIG accident, he didn't fight bedtime and volunteered to brush his teeth. I immediately thought he might have a concussion.
Originally Posted by Suja
04-02-2013, 05:23 PM
Kate, btw, did you get any video of Josh in The Lion King? Your kid may have found his calling.
04-02-2013, 06:08 PM
I did get a video but I haven't figured out how to upload it anywhere yet. I'll let you know when I do!
(he certainly is dramatic enough to go into an entertainment career...)
04-02-2013, 06:09 PM
Bridget, I've said it before and I'll say it again. HOW do you put up with him?
Suja, I thought of you and Mira today. I was out on the playground with one of my kids today (seriously, I never do this but the weather was gorgeous and he kept asking to go play outside). When we went out he said something (he talked a ton but he was really hard to understand) and I think he said it was not windy. So I pointed out that it was warm and sunny and the wind was blowing. "Why is the wind blowing?" Because it is windy. "Why is there wind?" Because it's always windy somewhere, and right now the wind is here. "Why is it here?"
I'm more comfortable with the ones who don't talk. At least I don't have to explain weather patterns.
Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
04-02-2013, 06:23 PM
Dude, you should've totally talked about high pressure and low pressure and temperature differentials and all that. He would've stopped listeneing half way through
04-02-2013, 06:26 PM
04-02-2013, 07:39 PM
Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13
04-02-2013, 10:21 PM
Thanks for the welcomes ladies!
Mandy- He is doing better. He has been home for three weeks now. And as of today he is 8 weeks old. He hit 7 pounds this week, he is having a hard time gaining weight and is on EBM fortified with formula to 28 cals and is eating every two hours around the clock. He is in physical therapy and we have been working with an early intervention team to make those home visits. I don't think we could have intervened any earlier considering this all started when he was three days old. Lol!!
Bridget- I am a messy cook, but I think if anyone complained to me about it that I would no longer be the cook!
04-02-2013, 10:25 PM
Rachael, I think you are putting the "early" in Early Intervention!
All things considered, sounds like he is doing well. I'm glad he's home.
Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
04-02-2013, 10:43 PM
Oh no, Chrissy! I would have thought shopping would have made you feel better. Can you return anything that you think was excessive?
Ladies, I have a dinner tale to tell you tonight. Since I've been all about endangering my family lately , it all started when I brought home 2lbs of beef liver yesterday. I was going to serve it up straight tonight, but I chickened out. So I brought home 2 more lbs of ground beef and proceeded to mix a 4:3 ratio of ground beef to liver all together in the food processor with breadcrumbs, eggs, red peppers, tomato paste, raisins & parsley. And then I started to get a little more creative about masking the flavor with other ingredients like cinnamon, red pepper, beet, dried apricots, peas, whole flaxseed, ground pumpkin seed, carrots, and this agave nectar I'm trying to get rid of. As I was throwing it all together, for some reason, the random name, "Meatloaf of Interest", just kept repeating again and again in my mind. And since I now had a huge mixture of the stuff to bake, I ended up baking it in a loaf pan and the next best-shaped pan for making a loaf that can be sliced, which turned out to be a Bundt pan. Bodhi thought it was a giant donut when it first got popped out onto the plate. LOL.
So without further adieu, I present to you ....
********* The Meatloaf of Interest *********
I could totally taste the bitter/metallic flavor of liver in it and because of that, I had a hard time getting it down. BTW, I didn't tell anyone else what was in it. Steve LOVED it. He ate it with ketchup and kept making yum-yum sounds and talking about how moist it was. Bodhi wasn't as easily fooled, but he did eat about 2 oz. of it (and a huge slice of buttered bread). Steve plans to make a meatloaf sandwich for lunch and put some on his homemade pizza for tomorrow's dinner.
I don't know if I should ever tell him what was in his dinner tonight. At one point, he asked me if it was turkey, and I just shook my head no and said it was "all-beef". Now I feel kind of bad from hiding the truth from DH, who says he always gagged on liver as a child. Moral dilemma!
04-02-2013, 10:55 PM
Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
04-02-2013, 11:09 PM
M, I love meatloaf but even if liver wasn't poison to me, I'm not sure how I'd feel about that one. I admire you for going for it, though! and I love that your dh loved it and that Bodhi ate it too. Sounds like a success. The picture you posted reminds me of this cookbook I have -- it's from the 50s and it's insane. Here's a post someone did about it on a very fun food blog: http://www.badanduglyofretrofood.com...revisited.html Check out the "three layer salad." Lemon jello with pimientos, anyone? But your "Meatloaf of Interest" has a much better name.
Bridget, I have to echo everyone else. I don't know how you do it. You're a saint. I admit, though, that sometimes dh makes snippy comments about it if the dinner dishes aren't done (by me), and I really don't think that should be my job considering I made the shopping list, shopped for the food, hauled it all home, put it away, and cooked it up for the whole family. It would be nice if they could do something. He used to do the dinner dishes, but somehow over the last year or two he's started thinking it's not his job. I do find it pretty annoying. I'm not very messy when I cook -- I clean the kitchen before I start, and I try to wash as I go, but there's only so much I can do.
Ashley, Myles and others who shared stories about their parents: I feel for you. Childhood troubles are so ingrained -- they really shape our lives. I admire you all for wanting more for your children.
-- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09
04-02-2013, 11:45 PM
OMG, Gretchen! "Why share when everybody should get their own individual frozen fruit and cheese salad mold?" And the party sandwich loaf! How on earth did they frost it?
The origins of tonight's dinner comes from me listening to a Paleo Mom podcast on the benefits of organ meats. (Not that I'm Paleo; lately I've been trying to eat more Weston Price/"Nourishing Traditions" guidelines, which is very Paleo-friendly). Normally, I like being impulsive about trying new recipes, but tonight's improv meatloaf was just a little bit too ... ick... even for me. This might go into the column of food mishaps. I told you guys the duck story already. I'll have to tell you the lobster tale (heh) next.
04-03-2013, 05:18 AM
Oh, Myles. The thought of beef liver makes me shudder! But I like the presentation.
Mil arrives tonight. 13 days. Give me strength. It is always a true test of my character.
04-03-2013, 06:19 AM
04-03-2013, 06:20 AM
04-03-2013, 07:31 AM
I'd tell him about the liver, too. If he likes it, why the heck not.
Poor DH this Easter, we went up to my aunt and uncle's and they made ham and lamb. Both of those things have made DH physically ill in the past. He flat out refuses to eat lamb now (he got sick the first time he tried it), and he'll eat ham but you can't tell him in advance that he's having it. He used to love ham but since it made him sick that one time like 3 years ago he has a hard time with it.
So I didn't tell him we were having lamb and ham and he shot daggers at me when he heard my aunt say it. LOL