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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #39811
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    I am not saying this because you are my friend - I have every belief that without you in his life, he would have turned out very differently. And I don't think it would have been for the better.
    If it's true (and how would we ever really know?) that only makes me sad for him. He is a great guy on many different levels. One of my frustrations with him was that he didn't pursue his full potential career wise. I guess that was the one area I didn't have 'control' over. Not that I was controlling at home, but he simply agreed with all my schemes (good and bad) and that left me in charge I guess. And in the end, I did resent it. All 'our' failures were mine, and I carried the entire load. I found it exhausting at the end.

    For his sake, I'd hope he can learn to find his own way, but knowing our history, his career choices, and the girl he's associated with now....he probably won't. It does hurt my heart for him.

    Quote Originally Posted by pepperlru View Post
    You're an awesome mom... I said it earlier, but I'll say it again. Jesi will always be so grateful for your support and love.
    When I got pg with dd1, I was 24, had been to college and had lived on my own for 8 years, and was working as an editor for the local paper. I wasn't married, and the guy wasn't someone they were in love with (I wasn't sure I was, either - ha). But my parents were so angry, disappointed, embarrassed -- it was a tough time for me. They came around eventually (mostly because I did end up marrying the father of my child, although I shouldn't have, and it didn't last). But I sometimes think about how much sadness and stress could have been avoided for me had they accepted and supported me from the beginning. I'll never forget the looks on their faces when I told them, sobbing, that I was pregnant. It was horrible. My mom couldn't talk to me or look me in the eye for weeks.

    By loving Jesi and Kaleb, and accepting her news with joy, you're giving them a wonderful gift.
    Oh gosh. That must have been so stressful and heartbreaking.

    The only 'negative' I can remember my father saying early on was when Rich used his income tax return to buy me an engagement ring. Bobbie was a newborn at the time and my father asked softly, "Can you eat that?" I got his point and I wasn't entirely thrilled to hear it, but I only laughed at him. I knew he was only worried about us. And really, that was the only negative thing he ever said about me having Bobbie at 17 and Jesi at 18. I know they're not related, but given our circumstances a $900 ring probably wasn't the smartest decision. But I still have and love it. I'll have it forever.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  2. #39812
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    That's the really cool thing about you, that this is who you are. Me? I would've gone ape sh!t and had a coronary, and it wouldn't have done anyone any good.

    And I agree with Mandy that he would've turned out differently, and not for the better.
    Awww...I hope you don't ever have to find out, but just if it does, maybe the crazy coronary will be less so.

    I will admit, if one of my daughters decided to work in the adult film industry-at any age-I'll probably have the batsh!t crazy reaction. Stripping? Sure. Sex on tape? No. lol So even I have my limits of what I can take in stride with my kids.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  3. #39813
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Oh no. She's a 'nice girl' according to Rich. Never mind that just weeks prior he told Conner that if I took him to my friend's house, he'd shoot us both. My friend that I've known (as a friend) for over 5 years and the topic of Conner hadn't ever come up between us.

    You got me started. I wasn't going to rant about Rich. He's just going through something and it really has nothing to do with me. I've called him on the things that have to do with Conner but the rest of it I really don't care about. I cared when he got my emotions going and then suddenly pulled back, but I'm even over that bit too.
    Sorry, sorry! I feel so behind and lost with everything! I think your handling everything amazingly and your just... well your just awesome

    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    I am not saying this because you are my friend - I have every belief that without you in his life, he would have turned out very differently. And I don't think it would have been for the better.
    I agree. But TBH every connection we make in life changes us, molds us into who we are, if he reverts that's because he was only being better for you and not for himself. Which is pitiful.

    Quote Originally Posted by pepperlru View Post
    You're an awesome mom... I said it earlier, but I'll say it again. Jesi will always be so grateful for your support and love.
    When I got pg with dd1, I was 24, had been to college and had lived on my own for 8 years, and was working as an editor for the local paper. I wasn't married, and the guy wasn't someone they were in love with (I wasn't sure I was, either - ha). But my parents were so angry, disappointed, embarrassed -- it was a tough time for me. They came around eventually (mostly because I did end up marrying the father of my child, although I shouldn't have, and it didn't last). But I sometimes think about how much sadness and stress could have been avoided for me had they accepted and supported me from the beginning. I'll never forget the looks on their faces when I told them, sobbing, that I was pregnant. It was horrible. My mom couldn't talk to me or look me in the eye for weeks.

    By loving Jesi and Kaleb, and accepting her news with joy, you're giving them a wonderful gift.
    That is awful, I am so sorry. I couldn't imagine how hard that had to be for you, pregnant and to have your parents be so unsupporting Many many

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  4. #39814
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    I agree. But TBH every connection we make in life changes us, molds us into who we are, if he reverts that's because he was only being better for you and not for himself. Which is pitiful.
    Yes, that's part of what I meant to imply.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  5. #39815
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    I have to say that you're handling this with such grace, Chrissy. I'm not sure I'd be as supportive and understanding as you're being (with both Jesi and Rich).
    I agree with this too. She's lucky to have a mom like you. Of course yelling doesn't change things. Mine probably would have for a while anyway and than eventually got over it. But my mom is fairly bossy...and definitely one where if she was financially supporting me (other than giving gifts or occasional help)....I followed the rules. Or the money would have beeng gone. Under her roof, under her rules. I can be a lot like her at times.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  6. #39816

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    If it's true (and how would we ever really know?) that only makes me sad for him. He is a great guy on many different levels. One of my frustrations with him was that he didn't pursue his full potential career wise. I guess that was the one area I didn't have 'control' over. Not that I was controlling at home, but he simply agreed with all my schemes (good and bad) and that left me in charge I guess. And in the end, I did resent it. All 'our' failures were mine, and I carried the entire load. I found it exhausting at the end.

    For his sake, I'd hope he can learn to find his own way, but knowing our history, his career choices, and the girl he's associated with now....he probably won't. It does hurt my heart for him.



    Oh gosh. That must have been so stressful and heartbreaking.

    The only 'negative' I can remember my father saying early on was when Rich used his income tax return to buy me an engagement ring. Bobbie was a newborn at the time and my father asked softly, "Can you eat that?" I got his point and I wasn't entirely thrilled to hear it, but I only laughed at him. I knew he was only worried about us. And really, that was the only negative thing he ever said about me having Bobbie at 17 and Jesi at 18. I know they're not related, but given our circumstances a $900 ring probably wasn't the smartest decision. But I still have and love it. I'll have it forever.
    That's really sweet!! Thanks for the hug -- I'm really over it, but I mentioned it because Jesi's so fortunate to have a supportive parent like you. She may not realize now how lucky she is, but if she doesn't -- someday she will. Guaranteed.

    I'm sorry for what you're dealing with with Rich. It's so easy to let someone else take care of things, and it looks like he's got a lot of learning and growing left to do now that he doesn't have you. He's not making the best decisions, obviously. That has to be so frustrating for you to watch, especially when it impacts the kids. I hope he wises up sooner rather than later.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  7. #39817
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    Quote Originally Posted by pepperlru View Post
    I hope he wises up sooner rather than later.
    Me too. If it was sooner, like this week, I might be open to trying to sort things out. Counseling, dating perhaps. Like I posted earlier, we had a real moment where a lot of pent up anger and resentment left me. We were 'there' together for the first time in years. It was quite emotional for both of us. But something happened and he just turned cold to me again. And d1ckish. So...it is what it is. I'm not going to pursue him, that's for sure. And I'm not waiting either.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  8. #39818

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    So to bring this conversation back to a superficial level (and I think you are handling everything magnificently, C), I went ahead and got the blue one. I don't like it the best, but $80 vs. $200 is pretty persuasive. And it is available now, while the other two are sold out until mid-June. So if I hate this one I can just return it and get one that I like. Also, i couldn't decide which of the expensive ones I like better so the money was a nice decider for me.

    JoJo is going through something developmental right now - her behavior is just awful and trying. Today was the worst day and I really only spent about two hours with her. ugh. She is going to spend next week with her cousins at my in-laws' house on the lake. I am looking forward to a vacation, but really worried about her going up there. There is a history of irresponsible behavior there and I worry for her safety somewhat. I may be over-protective (that's what dh's family all think), but they all drink and they live on a lake. I fear that there won't be a lot of adult supervision. But then I think about what I was able to do when I was her age and think I shouldn't worry so much. It's in the country and she gets to play with her cousins who she adores and they adore her, so that will be wonderful for her.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  9. #39819

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    I hope she has a nice time on the lake!

    I'm sorry her behavior is so trying right now. It really is hard to have days (weeks...years...lol) like that.

  10. #39820
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    I hope it will be a great experience for JoJo. I know you have posted your concerns about your in laws before and I don't agree you are overprotective. Still, if everything goes well a vacation by the lake with her cousins is something she will always remember.

    Totally unrelated, but I have discovered that the "mom look" is incredibly effective on wayward adolescent Rottweilers. Mine, at least. I am still giggling after he slunk inside just now after I caught him chewing on DH's porch chair and he didn't come in the first time I asked. All it took was The Look. Do mother dogs do that, too?

    And I also just saw him sitting next to the same couch as in my pic and realized his head is 6" over the arm of the couch now when sitting in the same pose. Not kidding.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  11. #39821
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    You're a mama. You're always going to worry and it sounds like some of it is justified to me in this case.

    $$ is usually a deciding factor for me too Katy.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  12. #39822
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    I hope it will be a great experience for JoJo. I know you have posted your concerns about your in laws before and I don't agree you are overprotective. Still, if everything goes well a vacation by the lake with her cousins is something she will always remember.

    Totally unrelated, but I have discovered that the "mom look" is incredibly effective on wayward adolescent Rottweilers. Mine, at least. I am still giggling after he slunk inside just now after I caught him chewing on DH's porch chair and he didn't come in the first time I asked. All it took was The Look. Do mother dogs do that, too?

    And I also just saw him sitting next to the same couch as in my pic and realized his head is 6" over the arm of the couch now when sitting in the same pose. Not kidding.
    I'm not sure if mom dogs do it, but he surely thinks you're his mom and knows what your looks mean! Too cute!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  13. #39823
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Me too. If it was sooner, like this week, I might be open to trying to sort things out. Counseling, dating perhaps. Like I posted earlier, we had a real moment where a lot of pent up anger and resentment left me. We were 'there' together for the first time in years. It was quite emotional for both of us. But something happened and he just turned cold to me again. And d1ckish. So...it is what it is. I'm not going to pursue him, that's for sure. And I'm not waiting either.

    Maybe you should just send him an email and let him know? I bet that he just got really scared and was worried about getting rejected again. It sounds like you leaving was super hard on him and I could see being scared to go there again and worry about getting hurt again. It's often easier to push people away than take a chance and risk being hurt.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  14. #39824
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    I wish Molly knew the mom look! She knows the daddy look....he just says her name and points at her and bam she listens. Me, eh she will listen if she feels like it. I think Molly needs a Mom and Me class! After vacation though...no sense in it now and then she's with my parents for 10 days!
    Cosmo is much better....but there are times when it is like Cosmo Come Here. Cosmo I said COME HERE. ****IT COSMO COME HERE. It's like ****IT is a code word for her because that always gets her attention. Usually she is more than happy to come to me though and likes to go back in the house.

    DH says she has a sense of humor though. He will ask her to come and she will take the longest slowest path possible and come and sit about a foot away from him and look at him and smile. LOL

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  15. #39825
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Maybe you should just send him an email and let him know? I bet that he just got really scared and was worried about getting rejected again. It sounds like you leaving was super hard on him and I could see being scared to go there again and worry about getting hurt again. It's often easier to push people away than take a chance and risk being hurt.
    Oh no, he knows how I feel. Or felt. I told him repeatedly. He wishy-washed back and forth and ended up deciding it wasn't worth the risk to 'try again' and he's been cold to me ever since. If I try to bring it up, he shuts me right down. Very curt and abrupt. He's even told me I suddenly changed just because of the gas station girl and I'm just jealous. I don't want him to have anyone and I'm only trying to ruin it.

    It's the furthest thing from the truth. That girl doesn't threaten me. He's totally ignoring what he said, what we discussed, and how we both were.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  16. #39826
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    I gotta run to ER. Jesi is having abdominal pain strong enough to make her cry and she's had pink discharge today

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  17. #39827
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    DH says she has a sense of humor though. He will ask her to come and she will take the longest slowest path possible and come and sit about a foot away from him and look at him and smile. LOL
    LOL! I can picture that.

    All M needed was a raised eyebrow. Honestly, I was impressed. This dog is smart.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  18. #39828

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    Bo knows when he's done something wrong. You walk in the room and he already will look guilty.

  19. #39829
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    I gotta run to ER. Jesi is having abdominal pain strong enough to make her cry and she's had pink discharge today
    Hope she's okay.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  20. #39830
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Bo knows when he's done something wrong. You walk in the room and he already will look guilty.
    Gwennie so does this.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  21. #39831

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    i gotta run to er. Jesi is having abdominal pain strong enough to make her cry and she's had pink discharge today
    kup

  22. #39832

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    Please kup, C. I'll be thinking of you all.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


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    Oh goodness! Hope everything is okay, Chrissy.

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    Thinking of you and Jesi and Kaleb!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    Cosmo is really smart. and really a people pleaser.
    Molly is pretty smart but Molly is a little more a Molly pleaser. LOL She's got a more stubborn streak in her and has a hard time overcoming her nose.

    My parents dog, if he's in his house, they look around for something naughty and always find it. He punishes himself.

    I love this video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecwE3tWMj50

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  26. #39836
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    Chrissy, post when you can. I hope Jesi is okay.


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    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    Chrissy, post when you can. I hope Jesi is okay.
    I was just coming in here to check on her. Any news?
    Last edited by Gwenn; 03-28-2013 at 11:11 PM.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    I was just checking as well. Need to get to bed, so I'll just take my phone with me and check later.

  29. #39839
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Hope she's okay.
    She & baby are fine. She's measuring 6 weeks, 1 day. She'd had some discharge and I'd already talked to her about that. I told her it could be normal and not to worry, just take it easy for the night and let me know if it got worse or she felt any cramping. Not 20 minutes later, Kaleb called me a bit frantic. She was curled up in a ball having intense pressure and stabbing like pains on the one side. I feared a possible ectopic pregnancy (because she had no clue how far along she might be), and with her history of having large ovarian cysts I thought it was best to take her in. We didn't get home until 2:30 a.m. I didn't dare stay home from work. Too much to do, and someone else had requested the day off and was told he couldn't have it. I'm dead tired, but vastly relieved all looks well.

    She'll be getting her obgyn appointment sooner than 4/22 though. I guess it was a little more pink than the ER dr was comfortable with (although, he wasn't an obgyn either) and dx'd her with threatened miscarriage. She has to go back for a redraw of blood to make sure those hormones that I can't remember are increasing like they should.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  30. #39840
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    On the topic of dogs, I think my Missy is pretty smart. But she's really, really trying my patience. She's suddenly not listening to me well at all, but only when she decides she doesn't want to. I would worry about her hearing, but she can hear the word "go" just fine. Even whispered from another room. She loves to ride and gets all excited and runs to the door when she hears that. But me yelling at her to come back when she decides to take off down the street? No. She has selective hearing. I've tried using a leash but she won't poop on one. She never had to. I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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