I am going to call the dentist today and get a price quote. I really don't know what to do!
I am going to call the dentist today and get a price quote. I really don't know what to do!
I have to admit that tooth things really squick me out. I think if I could be put under I'd have it taken out. Which tooth is it?
Krystal (I'm sorry, I'm drawing a blank on your real name) your weather sounds as unpredictable as ours! I don't remember what Josh was really into at 3 years old. What does she like to do? Is there some kind of indoor fun place she likes to go, or a restaurant where she likes to eat, or something else special you don't do very often?
It's an eye tooth! So right up front.
Janet I'm impressed that they can predict the weather that easily in advance. Here they try to do 7 day forecasts but really anything beyond a day or two out often changes. Usually people just pick a weekend and hope for the best....and have a backup plan in case it rains. 65 sounds perfect! Course it was -5 (actual, not wind chill) here this morning. LOL
Bridget, I personally would not want an active infection in my mouth. I have heard too much about dental health affecting things like the heart. I think I would be inclined to have it pulled and get the fake. This is one of the few things I would put on a credit card if I had to or do a home equity loan if I had that option for. The whole thing just really sucks.....but I know you try to so much to be as healthy as possible. And you need to be able to smile and feel good about it.
Yup, I just finished a round. As far as my understanding is that it can come back, and I'm not sure it even fully cleared up.
Work related update/whine/vent/rant....my manager has been as stressed as I am. All of us have been really. But Faye is pretty capable and strong (and yes, we've had political differences but that doesn't take away from how good she is at her job). She cried in her backyard last night. Both of us have cold sores. The director has returned from a 3 day conference and she hit the ground running with systematically making everyone feel like they haven't done enough.
Bridget, I'm sorry about your tooth! That has got to bug you every second of the day. I hope you find a way to resolve it that isn't too costly or painful.
Chrissy, your director sounds like she is so consistently unpleasant and b*tchy, that I think everyone should adjust to expect that sort of thing as the norm from her. And since you make her sound like a kid throwing a tantrum, maybe everyone could just treat her that way; let her vent, acknowledge what she's upset about, and tell her you'll all try to do things more her way. That's what kids want to hear anyway. Some people are never going to be satisfied, and unfortunately, those people are valued in business.
Janet, I've always wanted to take Bodhi here: http://www.newark.org/departments/re...ices/aquatics/ Does Maiya like water? This might be a fun thing to do with her on her b'day.
Suja, how are you and your family doing? I've been thinking of you. I hope you're alright.
Janet, I just read the link I gave you and realized the aquatic center is only open after Memorial Day. Maybe we could all meet up there some day anyway. How about a trip to Six Flags Vallejo, which is quite close for you? It looks like they have animal attractions now (http://www.sixflags.com/discoveryKin...als/index.aspx) and of course kiddie rides.
I'm with Jennifer - teeth are important enough to go into debt for. Get it extracted and get an implant. An infection that close to my brain would scare me.
Suja - I'm thinking about you today. big hugs.
"Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov
Can I just say that it really bothers me when DH is upset about something that I think is totally fair? Remember how we thought our landlords were going to sell our house? Well, they're not, at least not for a couple more years. Phew! They've been in town this past week to work on the house and in that time, they've done a ton of labor. (Considering they're in their 70s, it's impressive how much they've done, including laying giant slabs of flagstone themselves on a patio, which I think looks very nice.) I like them a lot. The husband is an ex-Navy helicopter pilot and the wife is an attorney heavily involved in the anti-fracking movement in upstate NY. Now they want to raise our rent by $175, and that will include a gardener. By all accounts, we have been seriously undercharged (by I'd say $1k/month) for the last 2 two years. DH called me in a tremendous huff about the rent increase.
I reminded him that when we first moved in, we signed a lease that said our rent would increase by $100/mo after the first year. When that month came around and we sent a check for the increased amount, our landlords sent the extra money back, saying that clause had been in the lease in error, thanked us for being good tenants and issued us a new lease striking out the increase. So we're overdue a rent increase as it stands, if you ask me, and now we're going to get a gardener to help me keep the yard clear, so I can actually grow things in it. I'm totally fine with that.
I guess DH has had to deal with them more often than me when things go wrong around the house, and he's had some negative experiences with the wife. Her husband is a total softie and will at first tell DH that he'll pay him for the repairs DH makes around the house, and then she'll come in and say we won't be reimbursed for DH's labor. So DH is mixing up his feelings for her with the question of whether or not the rent increase is fair and legal. I should add that, at first he was extra upset at the amount because he was confusing LA rent control laws with the laws up here in my town (where there is no rent control). I should also add that DH has no qualms about the steady increases in rent we've issued our own tenants in Los Angeles.
I'm just venting here because it disappoints me when DH can't be balanced about things or loses sight of the big picture (i.e. we'd still be largely underpaying even with the rent increase, and a month ago, we thought we'd be out on our butts anyway). This discussion also dredged up an old sore point between us over whether or not we should pay for services like housecleaners and gardeners. Again, he said "we don't need a gardener! we can do it ourselves!" When the truth is... we never do. He was going to clear an area for me to grow veggies 2 years ago and he never did. He always says he'll get to it. His point is that we can change ourselves and get better and more consistent about things, but we have 8 years of living together to demonstrate the fact that we just don't do enough, or our home just isn't as well kept as when a professional comes in and does it for us. If it created a financial hardship for us, then of course I wouldn't insist upon it, but at this time, I would rather DH use his time to focus on his stack of jobs than spend it on housework. It's totally a conflicting values issue between us. He's being stubborn because he grew up in a home where you were lazy if you didn't do it all yourself. I feel like it's totally worth it to have a little extra time to do things that matter more to us. What he doesn't see is, essentially, we lose money if he's working on the yard instead of finishing up his jobs for clients.
OK, that was a rant. Sorry. Perhaps it's obvious that DH and I really lock horns on money issues. I don't blame him. He works hard for every penny he earns. He never has time to socialize online. He's never worked for corporate America, where money is a much more abstract thing that comes in steadily even if your effort varies from day-to-day, and gets plugged into things like cost-benefit analyses (not that that is a superior way of looking at money by any means; it's just different and more rational in a sense). Whether or not the issue is about money, I just wish he could try to see things from perspectives other than his own.
Do you guys have to deal with times like this when your partner needs to be talked down from a ledge? Does it take you a few hours to decompress from the tense encounter too? I can feel my blood pressure go up when DH is having a hissy fit.
(It's also annoying when he realizes he was wrong, but isn't quite ready to let go of his indignation. He starts reaching for other reasons he's still allowed to be mad, and it's like to me ... but that's another topic altogether.)
Last edited by demigraf; 03-21-2013 at 01:39 PM.
demigraf - hi! I wonder if my fiance and your hubby are related.
Hi, lily. Welcome to our Secularium. Are you very new to APA? Are you Secular yourself? It looks as though you are TTC. Good luck with that!
Thank you for thinking about us, guys. It's hard, but it helps to have a screaming kid to get our mind off things.
Myles, DH and I have conflicts like that. Sometimes I talk him down, sometimes it's the other way around, but you definitely aren't the only one.
My father said something once that DH really likes and I think applies to your DH's situation. Figure out what he would earn in an hour of his time, then consider what you would pay someone (gardener, cleaner, etc) for an hour of their time. I'm guessing he earns more in an hour of work than what someone would charge for domestic work. Easy - doing yardwork is costing him money. When he does it, and if it even gets done.
Last edited by Gwenn; 03-21-2013 at 05:44 PM.
Me (38) DH (45) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
Good point, Gwenn! Myles, I am sorry you guys are butting heads. I totally see your point, of course. Makes perfect sense to me.
My manager, Faye had a very, very long talk with her this afternoon. They were still behind closed doors when I left. I just got off the phone with her and she left feeling good about her meeting. Lisa (the director) was a project manager. The problem is she's treating us like a project when in reality she should just pass on the info and let us go at it. Trust Faye to sort out who does what when. Faye is great at it. Since Faye is hopeful, I'm willing to let it rest and simply wait and see. There's not much else I can do anyway since I'm not in the mood to apply for other jobs either. I don't really have hope, but I'm willing to see what transpires.
I am curious about your landlord (the wife) because fracking in upstate NY is kind of near and dear to my heart. In case you haven't noticed on facebook. I've attended town meetings for the first time in my life hoping they'll pass a moratorium banning it here. Many small towns around us have (successfully and have won the appeals the gas companies have filed) but no one in my county has yet passed a moratorium. It makes me anxious. Do you know if your landlord is part of any anti-frack group? I was really excited to see this article about the court records being released to the public regarding a settlement a gas company entered into with a family who was injured by them. I think we (as the public) need that information so we know how dangerous fracking is.
A gardener and a rent increase of $175/month is actually a really good deal for around here, considering the skyrocketing rents. I had a guy come once a month for $125/month. DH was supposed to do the yard work, but he never did, and it looked horrible. Our avocado tree sheds leaves like crazy and that is just one thing. So for years I paid him. Finally last Fall I stopped, since I thought I could go out at least a couple times a month and have the kids help me with picking up the leaves and raking and weeding, and I found that he hadn't been doing much as far as general maintenance. I had to cut back a bunch of plants that had grown wild, and figure out why our drip watering system hadn't been taking care of our ginger plant. I think I need to get a leafblower, but I'm waiting to see if/when we will move and what kind of property it will be. And yes, for us, $125 for couple of hours of work per month on a weekend was worth it to pay a gardener for his time and it was more valuable for us to spend that time with our kids. We did the cost/benefit analysis, too, and especially since it wasn't getting done at all when we weren't having someone come in. Now that I can make it a shared family time, since I got the gates put on the yard and the kids can help me or at least play out there while I work, it's much easier.
I also tell my DH things like that when he wants to spend all weekend working on his car when we had plans to do something, but most of the time he actually wants to work on his car and says that he's learning a lot about it and will be faster the next time. He sometimes has the kids help him. DD now wants to do her science project on how cars work.
Chrissy and Suja, just checking in with you both again to say sorry for your losses. I've been thinking about you both, and Khan and Tigger.
Lily, I know you've been around APA for a while but don't think I've seen you posting in here yet. You are welcome to join us. We are a pretty friendly group. We just ask that you read the sticky in the main part of the room (Before you post in this room) and introduce yourself so we can get to know you. Then feel free to jump right in.
Bridget, I'm really sorry to hear that your dentist appointment made you cry. I was not thinking it was going to be a happy story when I heard about your symptoms. I would get the tooth pulled. I do think it will be important to have the cosmetic replacement to deal with the loss. I have seen too many people with long-term problems related to jawbone infections that they let go too long to mess around with that. I wish I could just send you a new tooth in the mail. And I hope you can sit down with your dbf and talk with him about how important this is and have him fully support you with childcare for the appointments and have a plan for the costs of the appointment and the tooth replacement without any complaining or shirking on his end. You need his compassion right now.
Chrissy, I'm sorry work has been so busy for you.
Janet, my kids have always just been happy going for a hike on their birthdays, or playing at the beach. Here is an upcoming event calendar: http://www.510families.com/events/
Also, it's a bit of a drive for you, but Playland-Not-At-The-Beach is pretty cool. S. loved it when we went and he played pinball and arcade games, was fascinated by the miniature Christmas and circus exhibits, and didn't want to leave.
But I don't know if this is just for your family birthday and not for the big birthday party. I would stick to a park or something for the big party.
I have been inexplicably exhausted lately. I had to pull over and take a 15-minute nap in the car before I picked S. up from preschool the other day because I was almost dozing off in the car during my commute and I didn't want to fall asleep during the drive home. I've been falling asleep while reading bedtime stories, finding myself reading words that aren't on the page because I'm drifting off into my own dream-world. Then I wake up after the kids fall asleep and I come out of the bedroom and I still have dinner to cook for me and DH, 2-3 loads of laundry to put away, coffee to set up, the dishwasher to unload, a new load of dishes to load and run, backpacks to set up with snacks for the next day, clothes to set out for the twins, and then I have to find time to take a shower.
One night I went to bed and left a sink full of dishes because I just couldn't bear to stay up for another minute. DH was still getting ready for bed and I had hoped he might do them, but they were still there the next day. He knows I'm exhausted. He's been a little unhappy because we have Game of Thrones at home on Netflix and I have only been able to watch it with him every few nights, and often fall asleep halfway through an episode. A couple of nights ago I told him that since he's been getting home at the kids' bedtime so often lately he's essentially stopped doing anything to help out around the house. When he used to eat dinner with us, he'd often load the dishes afterwards or clean up the kids and get them ready for bed while I washed the dishes. It's not so much, but it was a little bit. Now he's getting home later and he's more tired so he doesn't feel like doing anything either, but it just leaves me with that much more stuff.
I don't think that is the reason I'm so tired, but it's not helping. He stayed at home yesterday and did move some clothes from the washing machine to the dryer for me after I asked him to.
I have to go to a meeting tonight and work all day on Saturday, too. Bleh.
Lydia, can you get some help? A baby sitter to take care of the kids for a few hours while you sleep, or a cleaning service?
I was also going to suggest picnicware, like paper plates/cups to help cut down on the cleanup effort. (Again, DH wholeheartedly disagrees with using this stuff for family meals at home, but it's a godsend when you're exhausted to be able to toss the mess into the trash/recycling/compost bin after a meal is done.) You were so smart to pull over, btw!! I hope you get some rest. One Sunday, feel free to leave your littles with me for a couple hours while you get a massage. I can point you to a few reflexology places nearby that are very affordable and worth it. I've looked after 4 kids before. I can handle them. Mid-April is good for me. Deal?
Thank you all for your sympathy on the DH conflict. He's calmer and more resigned to it now. Mandy, ITA that we lose money whenever DH decides to be Mr. DIY. It seems so obvious to me, e.g. a $300 brake replacement to free up an afternoon where he could be doing a $500 job - no brainer. (Not to mention he always needs me to be there a few minutes to help bleed the brakes, so my time is required too. ) The only other justification he may have is that working on his car is a hobby. But I've never heard him describe it in that way.
Chrissy, I'll share the name of my anti-fracking landlord with you in private.
Suja, I'm glad Mira is thre to help take your mind off of things.
I think part of it is that S. has been waking up every 1-2 hours at night to go potty, and needs my help. He cries for a bit, and then needs help getting out of the bed, and getting his overnight diaper or pull-up down, especially if he's already peed in it and it's sticking to him. So I've been waking up 4-5 times a night for that. S. has been yelling a lot in his sleep, also. He has been dreaming about things and acting them out. Sometimes he gets upset and is trapped in this half-asleep, half-awake state where he's inconsolable and irrational and screaming and needs to be held and can't be calmed down but only screams louder if he is left alone. And in the daytime he's been yelling a lot, kind of a typical toddler. This morning he woke up around 5:30 and yelled at me pretty much constantly. I helped him wash his hands wrong. The pancakes were too hot. I cut them up wrong. The pancakes got too cold. BRING ME SOME MILK, WENCH! Okay, he didn't call me a wench. He wants to do it himself. He doesn't like it when I tell him to stop fondling the toilet seat. He doesn't want to put his shoes on. He doesn't want to speak nicely. He made DD cry when he yelled at her when she tried to help him, and when I suggested he say "No thank you" in a nice voice, he shouted "NO THANK YOU" and flailed himself around and elbowed her in the belly and she cried harder.
He alternates this with being adorable and charming, and a lot of times people only see that side of him. On the other hand, did I mention that he wandered off at Children's Fairyland and I was missing him for 20 minutes the other day? We were looking all over for him, and I finally found him across bridge over the train tracks, past the boat with the owl on it, thankfully not in the water, over by the wishing well. He said he realized he wasn't with me and was going to look for me soon. He did tell me his ears were hurting today, so I think he's a little under the weather, but he's been very difficult to live with.
And I've gone through phases when I've been super-tired and falling asleep like this before. I don't tend to get enough sleep as it is. And I think I might be having some kind of increase in inflammatory/autoimmune response to take away any reserves I might have.
L. I can sympathize with the fatigue. I feel so run down by the afternoon and have been drinking coffee in the late afternoon and still am able to fall asleep early at night except I cannot usually go to bed early because of all the things to catch up, like you said, with dishes and laundry and such. Can also sympathize with the wakeful, screaming, dreaming toddler. Although mine is not wanting to go potty, just to nurse and gripe about life in general. I finally have convinced him to say, "Nurse please." instead of screaming and clawing at my shirt. But now he is so proud that he can ask for it like that that he asks for it all day long and then nurses for about 4 seconds and he's done. Just wants to know he can I guess. I'm not looking forward to when mil comes and I'm quite sure will have something to say about how often he nurses. I've been planning out my responses already, 2 weeks in advance, lol. Oh, and Sawyer's other thing is that while he is nursing, he wants to hold several things. Like last night while I was trying to read S and K their bedtime story (Tashi!) he wanted to nurse while holding both of his rain boots, the stethescope, and 2 books AND actually look through the book. So he's pulling my nipple all over the place and his boots are hitting me in the chin and the book he's got lodged under his arm is digging into my side. I've put my foot down that is he wants to nurse he has to put everything down. So that resulted in about 6 tantrums last night in a 20 minute period. I think S and K were thrilled to go to bed just to get away from him.
I'll ask the question I always ask my friends who are run down and that is if you are getting enough nutrition via meals or supplements? I always, and I mean always, find that when I am feeling run down I can find my diet or my forgetting to take my fish oil to blame. As a matter of fact I was out of my fish oil and just started it again today after not having it for 2 weeks. I also miss fresh produce so much. Winter too long.
My tooth is getting looser. I'm going to try to leave the stress at home when I travel and I have an appt as soon as I return. MIL will be here so I hope that she will be able to assist with childcare. I am so worried that Kai is going to drive her insane with his lack of respect for personal space and complete disregard for volume control. I keep trying to talk to him about how oma is a little old lady and likes soft quiet times and not getting poked in the face or screamed at. Not that any of us do but she mentally cannot handle it. I've seen her get up and leave the room/house more than a few times when the kids are too much. My kids are almost always "too much" when it's just us at home. I sort of let them be wild for the most part. Luckily she is staying at the neighbors empty house so she will have an escape.
Oh, L, I'm so sorry you're so tired. I can only sympathize. And it sounds like we're in the same boat with our husbands coming home late. I don't think they realize that when they work late, so do we. It's exhausting. I hope you can find a way to get a break soon, because it sounds like it's an absolute necessity. Is your dh going to be working these hours on a consistent basis, or is this a project that will come to an end? I hope he can give you more help soon. And yes, if you can find someplace up my way to clear your mind or get a massage (I can give you a recommendation of a place we like that's reasonable!) your kids are absolutely welcome at our place anytime we're home. Noe loves having playmates and our house is pretty suitable for all kinds of mayhem.
Bridget, I'm so sorry about your tooth. That sounds so stressful. I'm with everyone else -- I've heard too many scary stories about infections/abscesses to be comfortable with ongoing infection. But a gap would be really difficult, too. I think in some areas there are charities that help cover the cost of dental care or replacements. Do you think there might be anything like that where you are? Hope you have a great trip and can forget your worries for a while!
-- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09
There are a few places like that around here. Before dbf got this new job I was calling them every week (just for a check-up) and they are always filled up. They do give priority to "emergency" situation but to be honest, I don't feel right taking advantage of that service at this point. I am sure we would qualify income wise but there are people much worse off than us and in more need. Sure, I will have to put it on the credit card but we are both able bodied, resourceful adults with family support so we should do it on our own. I've had this conversation a few times with dbf. He has brought it up and I've told him the same. I *could ask me dad for help (though hope I won't have to) if I really thought it would be too hard for us. Other people do not have that option.
I understand very well the lack of help in the kitchen. Dbf would never say it out loud but it's clear he thinks that because he works and I "stay home" that all household duties are mine. Even the litter box now, which was the one I was always able to avoid!
Oh, and I'm sorry, but I really enjoyed the image of Sawyer on your boobeh while hanging onto his rainboots. I think you should just be thankful that he's not drilling his finger into your belly button, which is what mine always did while nursing.
L, you're right. I think I've only see S being adorable. Very self-assured, but never even loud. Sleep is very elusive, so I understand how your body is demanding it from you right now. Is there any way you & J could trade off on the nights where you have to get up and deal with the little loud guy? Have you tried sleeping with ear plugs/eye mask? They may sound silly (or uncomfortable), but if you can get used to them, they have actually given me deeper sleep. I'm still working on my sleep, though, too. So you're not alone! *pats back*