Whoa. That's intense, Chrissy. And what's the deal with his clueless wife? You did good, mama. So proud of you. I hope he doesn't retaliate with either of them in any way. The guy sounds dumb, and dumb scares me.
Btw, I shared the actress with you on FB.
Still catching up! (SCU!)
More bad news from my friend, whose mom had the vertebral tumor removed. Apparently, it couldn't be completely excised, because it had spread to her spinal cord and aorta, though it hasn't been staged yet, they know that it is high grade and therefore aggressive, and they haven't been able to find a primary site yet, so whatever started all this is still there. On top of it, she threw clots, one of which ended up in her lungs, so she landed back in the hospital. My friend is trying to be brave, but you can tell just how heavy of a burden this is.
Chrissy, you did good. I would've probably threatened them both with bodily harm.
Chrissy that's awful! How can people be such scum! And with little kids too.
Suja, sorry it's not better news for your friend's mom
Daggum, Chrissy! I am proud of you for standing up for your girls! That guy and his wife sound icky.
Suja, I'm sorry about your friend's mom.
I improvised a science lesson today on the function of the heart, lungs and circulatory system because at 10 minutes before the lesson was about to begin, we were told that our substitute teacher had not actually been booked for the day, so we should just through a lesson together. This school is so lucky that I'm pretty good at my job! (Shame they don't pay us the rate that subs get!)
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Hopelessly Devoted
Originally Posted by Suja
I couldn't threaten him with bodily harm because I do have it in the back of my mind that some day a lawsuit might be warranted. I will try my darndest to not do anything illegal myself. At all. Believe me, it was challenging to not threaten to come in there with a baseball bat myself.
But my brother (bless his heart) took care of that for me. My brother Tim is a big guy-and he's fearless and has a reputation. Todd knows Tim and Tim has had an incident in his store before so he's seen how Tim can be. Tim happened to need to take my car last night to work on it today, and he stopped in to talk to Jesi himself about everything. While he was there, Todd called her. Tim got on the phone and told him in no uncertain terms that he better leave his nieces alone, he loves them like they're his own kids, and that he'd walk right in there and punch him right in the face if anything like this ever happens again. He said, "I ain't got nothing to lose. I'll go to jail. I don't care." And he let Todd know that he'll be stopping in whenever he wants to and Todd won't know when to expect him. Todd was stuttering and apologizing like crazy. Said he knew he'd gotten out of line and promised it would never happen again.
God I love my brother
Oh Ash! I'm glad you're good at your job because if that were me, the kids would have left knowing less than when they came in
Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
I'm gonna be a Gramama!
Chrissy, wow! So great how you were able to stand up for your girls and confront the scumbag, but I'm sorry you and Jesi and Bobbie have to deal with it in the first place. How horrible can a person be? And not to see that it's just wrong to say that stuff to anyone, let alone an employee, LET ALONE a TEENAGER. Gahhhhhhhh. I know you said you'd prefer Jesi not to work there -- maybe these incidents will convince her to find another job (and I hope they don't give her a hard time or a bad reference!). I'm sure you'd rather Bobbie stay away from him too.
Suja, I'm sorry to hear about your friend's mom. She sure is getting bad news heaped on bad news. That will really wear you down. I'll think good thoughts for them.
A couple of my observations from today:
- Time elapsed from brand new out of box to stained/holey, crappy $3 pair of tights from Target: six ballet classes.
- Time elapsed from brand new out of box to stained/holey, $12 special-ordered Capezio dance tights: five minutes on the legs and 100 feet from ballet class door.
- Realized this morning that the reason I like doing yoga so much is because it's the first physical activity I've found where I get to spend roughly half the time not moving.
-- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09
I have a problem. I'm so mad at dh's family I could just spit. Like, want-to-send-them-a-bouquet-wrapped-in-poopy-toddler-undies mad. I'm sorry, this is probably going to be hellishly long (like you, Chrissy, I can never cut a long story short!).
Dh's dad (I'll call him Bob) is a jerk. He's always had some personality issues but dh has let bygones be bygones and tried hard to cultivate a good relationship with him over the years. When his dad had cancer 8 years ago, dh was the one who went down to take care of him. Dh was executor of Bob's will. He's been the most (only, really) financially and emotionally stable kid out of the three. In short, dh has always been the "good son." But as he's gotten older, Bob's personality issues have become more extreme. He likes to hold grudges, to give people the silent treatment, and his religious and political beliefs have become not only extremely far right, but very vocal. A few years ago, the night before N's first birthday, dh and his dad got into an argument over politics (well, Bob pushed and pushed and said really awful things, and dh held off for a long time and then finally told his dad what he really thought). Bob was so angry and offended that dh had disagreed with him and "disrespected" him that he hasn't talked to dh since. It's been 2.5 years now. Bob refuses to talk to dh and says that he is a disappointment, that he believes we are "morally corrupt" because of our liberal views, and that he's giving us "tough love" by not associating with us. Bob cut dh out of his will, named his other son executor, and basically acts like dh doesn't exist anymore. Dh has written him several letters to try to make amends, but nothing has worked. Obviously, this has been very hurtful for dh, especially after all the leeway and forgiveness he's offered to his dad over the years for some pretty serious stuff. We believe that Bob is in the early stages of dementia or Alzheimer's. We have talked to dh's mom (they're divorced, she can't do anything) and to both of dh's siblings about it (they say they feel bad but "that's just how he is"). Frankly, and sadly, it is very beneficial to the siblings to have dh out of the loop, because both of them are taking monetary support from Bob and stand to gain quite a bit more in inheritance if dh is cut out of the will -- which dh cares not at all about, but it makes him terribly sad that his siblings won't stick up for him.)
That's the background. Now for what's made me spitting mad. Dh's sister and her husband are vacationing stateside (they live overseas). They are on a visit with their kids and dh's entire family in the city where Bob lives. Dh's mom traveled from another state to attend, and dh's brother and wife are there too, as are their kids and grandkids (who all traveled more than 10 hours to be there together). In short, it is every single person in dh's family - mom, dad, sister, brother, nieces, nephews, great-nieces. Everyone, except us. They are posting pictures on facebook of the whole family together, smiling, with captions like "SO great to be with family!!!" Also pictures of them going fishing, at restaurants, the kids together being cute, etc. etc. Dh, obviously, is finding this incredibly hurtful, and I am hurt for him. I don't particularly love his family. I don't even wish we were there. But we got nothing -- no invitation to come down and no acknowledgment that the family is missing anyone. Nothing. Now I know what they're thinking -- they don't want to make waves with Bob, because obviously he's said dh isn't welcome (and, I suppose, neither are we - his wife and kids). But I look at that stupid picture on facebook of the whole family smiling so happily and I think "None of them? None of them are willing to stand up to Bob and say it isn't right, or even to send an apologetic message to dh, or say that they miss him, or anything? No one even thinks this might hurt the one person who was excluded?"
Dh said he understands that his siblings aren't willing to risk the same treatment he's getting by sticking up for him, especially because both of them are getting money from Bob and are dead set on getting the inheritance (both his sister and brother have serious money problems due to bad personal choices, and they're pretty desperate). But still, it's just so sad. He's so sad. He is still upset about his dad, although over the years he's sort of come to terms with that, but he's so sad that no one else in his family seems to care. And I'm so mad at them all that I want them to get, like, diarrhea or something. Dh has been a wonderful family member to them over the years. He's helped pay his niece's college tuition when his sister couldn't afford it. He's taken care of all of his nieces and nephews over the years, when their parents were out doing drugs or otherwise negligent. And yet it seems that now, they're almost happy he's on the outs. "Better him than me," they seem to be thinking, and yet they have the gall to publicly post -- to me, to dh -- these pictures of all of them together like he doesn't even exist.
Dh wants to ignore it, and I don't want to make things worse. But it's killing me not to say something. I've thought of commenting on the facebook pictures, something slightly sarcastic like "so great the whole family is together" or "wish we were there," but somehow I think these folks are so oblivious they might not even get it and might think we were actually approving and happy for them. I've thought of writing an email to the whole family (adults only, of course), saying bluntly how hurtful it is to dh to be so excluded... but I don't think dh wants me to do that. I don't want to just let it go because I want them to know what their indifference is doing to their brother/son. I just don't know how.
-- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09
My question is, if he's cut out of the family, how come he has them all on facebook?
I really hate to see families treat each other this way. DH's family does it and even some of my family aren't speaking to each other (I consider my side of the family relatively functional but we do have our problems!). Is there anyone your husband gets along with at all on that side of the family? If his dad is suffering from dementia or Alzheimer's your DH will probably have to speak to someone of more sound mind if he wants to get through to his dad and clear the air. It's very sad to me that someone would cut a person--his son, no less--out of his life because of political beliefs. Have you talked to DH about this and asked if there is anything you can do? I think even though DH wants to ignore it now, he's going to regret that. I think their social media faux pas might be the perfect time to try approaching him again.
Error 404 in the house. Can i get a what what?
Seriously now (sorry for the above, I'm compulsive when it comes to some things), Gretchen, I think the family is being incredibly hurtful to your DH. I think in this situation, perhaps it would be best to just sincerely ask them, "What happened? We would have liked to have joined you, and no one included us in the plans." I would wait to hear what they have to say before deciding on any course of action. That your FIL would have dementia sounds likely. I've watched dementia set in on at least 2 family members now, and intransigence seems to be a prime characteristic. I can't believe he would go to such lengths to take his stand against your liberal views, though. If anything, you'd hope that he realizes that his way just isn't persuasive. I'm afraid if it is dementia, your FIL may never "come back", and all your DH can do is be satisfied that he tried to make peace and explain his position from a place of love. It's all he really could do.
I'm sorry to hear that they're being so awful to you guys. You're all such a nice family!
Mandy, how's that bruise? If you look on a Costa Rica photo album on my FB profile, you'll see a photo of a nasty bruise I got from a surfboard fin. It turned all colors of the rainbow over the course of weeks before it healed, and every step was painful during that time. I hope you're feeling better now.
Suja, I'm really sorry about your friend's mom. It must be draining to watch your friend worry and find a way to be supportive.
Bridget, how is your tooth?
ETA: I just heard from an ex-boyfriend on FB. He's in Austin right now, attending SXSW, and will be in San Francisco this weekend. (He's Australian, and lives in China right now with his wife and kids.) He wants to get together for coffee. I haven't dated him since 1993, nor seen him since Oct 1998. And when I use the term "ex-boyfriend" I feel kind of silly because he was really more of a summer fling (we met traveling; he was an exchange student living hours away in Santa Barbara) that I held onto for too long after. Still, that was a formative relationship in that it was one of my first. It was one of those ones where I cringe at the memory of my overdramatics. I made all sorts of tearful calls, wrote all sorts of crazy girl letters to him. I'm so glad there were no text messages at that time! Like I said, I saw him a few years later in London, and he was already with his then to-be wife, and I had a longterm boyfriend, so we were able to hang out and be normal with each other. But still, a part of my head is going to be wondering if he will be picturing me with tears and snot running down my face as we chat over coffee. LOL. I might bring DH & the little guy with me, depending on our schedule. If anything, it will be nice to catch up after all this time.
ETA this ETA: If you're someone who likes to peep photos on FB like I do, this ex-bf is Luke R. on my Friends list, and he's seated on the right of his profile pic.
Last edited by demigraf; 03-13-2013 at 05:28 PM.
Well, technically, he's not cut out of the family -- just anything to do with his dad. We talk to and visit his siblings and their kids fairly regularly, and we have talked to both of his siblings about his dad. They always react with the same vague surprise -- "Oh, really? He's still not talking to you? I had no idea. Well, you know dad. He's crazy." When we've asked them if they could intervene, maybe talk to him to see if there's anything else we can do, they say stuff like "Oh, well, sure, I guess I can try. But I'm not sure there's anything I can do. You know how he is. And gosh, he really annoys me too, so I know how you feel." Generally, at that point they go into a litany of all the messed-up things dad has done to them over the years, and dh ends up listening to and supporting them instead of the other way around.
And then, something like this happens, where the whole family is together except for us, and it's obvious that no one wants to rock the boat when it might put them into his dad's crosshairs. That's what makes me so mad for dh -- that they act (vaguely) like they're concerned and that they'd like to help, but their hands are just tied. Then when it comes down to it, it's clear that they'd rather protect their own interests than get involved, no matter how it hurts dh. And it's sad because he's really done a lot for all of them over the years, and they just suck as human beings. It can be hard to come to terms with that when it's your family. We have talked to both of them about the possibility of his dad having early stage dementia or Alzheimer's, and they both say it's a possibility but that generally he seems okay -- a little forgetful, and definitely more acrimonious and out-there, but you know, he's just getting old and he's always been a jerk. ("Hey," they're thinking, "let's not go too far and say he's not in his right mind, because he's just written me back into his will!")
Well, anyway. I've talked to dh a lot about how far he's willing to go to try to mend his relationship with his dad, and if at this point he really even wants to. He thinks he doesn't. We've repeatedly talked about whether he might regret anything when his dad's gone -- he's not in great health, it might not be too long. I worry that he will regret it, but honestly I don't see what else we can do. As I said, he's written his dad a lot of letters, tried to call him, even tried a surprise visit. None of it worked. I know dh carries some hurt because of it, but he's come to terms with it. He's just not come to terms with the fact that the rest of his family seems content to play along as long as it makes his dad happy. That's what bums him out -- although he's trying to just block it out and not let it bother him, and honestly it's me that's POed on his behalf. It's just so unfair.
Myles, I like your idea of how to approach it with them. I'm not sure who I'd ask -- dh tends to be more in touch with his siblings than I do because their behavior peeves me -- but I could probably call his sister. And no, I don't think dad will ever "come back." I think this is how he's going to be from now on. If he wakes up one day and decides to forgive dh, great, but I won't expect that he'll ever turn back into a rational person.
And isn't it crazy when we hear from someone from the past? Especially when we have to be reminded of some behavior that might make us cringe. I'd take a look at him (so curious!) but we'll have to friend each other on fb first. I'll send you a msg.
-- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09
Gretchen, that is SO hurtful! I feel so bad for your dh! I honestly don't know how I would handle that.
Chrissy, to me it sounds like that mother effer messed with the wrong family!
Yeah, I guess I'd be more hurt that nobody stuck up for me, too. I don't have siblings so I've missed out on the ups and downs of having them to back me up, or not back me up.
Myles, I hope you have a nice time with your old friend. It will be interesting to catch up with someone you haven't seen in so long!
Senior Geek
Hopelessly Devoted
I really don't know that I'd handle anything about that family situation. I'm so...lazy I guess. I have no qualms about shutting people out of my life, even family. I don't have the patience or desire. If they want to be in my life, they know where I am. I do make an effort as long as it's a positive relationship of course, but once someone has crossed the line I simply wash my hands of them. Rich (my kid's father) is the same way and neither of us or our kids have seen Rich's dad in 13 years. I'm sure on some level it bothers Rich but what can you do? That was the choice his dad made.
His brother and sister have on again/off again had a relationship with their father but we never got involved. We didn't expect anyone to defend us or our position on anything either. Like I said, I'm very lazy about stuff like that. If anyone asked me to talk to someone on their behalf, I'd be more likely to tell them they needed to straighten that out themselves. I don't get in the middle. I don't pick sides, and I don't ask anyone to pick a side on my behalf.
Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
Oh wow it's back. For a second anyway.
Suja, having been in your friend's shoes, it sucks horribly. I am so sorry for your friend and her mother. Cancer sucks.
G, that is terrible
Tomorrow night we have an open house for a new charter school opening just down the street from us. My sister told me about it. I hadn't even heard about it. Hopefully it's a good fit for Gilly. There is another charter school opening fall 2014, so am hoping one of the schools is for us.
Shelley
Good luck with the charter schools!
Suja, I am so sorry for your friend with the news about her mom. I still want to curl up in a ball every time I think about everything my mom went through. Cancer is so terrifying.
My tooth is doing ok. I realize that I grind/clench my teeth a lot because I CANNOT let myself do that or this tooth is going to become even more loose. I have to force myself not to clench my teeth together! I seriously didn't even know I did that. I'm terrified of losing it and having to walk around with a tooth missing. But my teeth are, like, aching..or something. Like they need that pressure. I dunno. When I tried to explain the feeling to dbf he said, "Maybe you need to floss." Uhhh. No. It's a good habit to break anyway.
Mandy, I want to thank you for recommending that Superflex curriculum for us. I just started with Kai on monday and so far he is taking a huge interest in it. Savana too, actually. She asked me today if we could do more of it because she really likes it. And she usually feigns annoyance with all my lessons! lol. I guess I need a foam brain model for some of the activities? I was asking the kids last night if they had any ideas for how we could make the brain and right away Kai was like, "Glue a bunch of garbanzo beans together! They look just like brains!" (Dried ones, and wow, they really do) Then he said, "Mom, that reminds me. I popped the hair off all my lego guys", (playmobil, actually. The hair is interchangable but lego-playmobil, potato-potahto) "and stuck a dried garbanzo bean from the pantry in there. So now they all have brains. Except the one I took in the bathtub. His got moldy. Sorry."
Oh for every frustration that boy gives me is a good laugh.
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Hopelessly Devoted
Oh, that is too cute!
Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
Thanks, Kate.
Gretchen, funnily enough i've been looking for you and Janet on FB too. I'm on L's friends list with the hyphenated Hispano-Franco last name. LOL. I don't really use my hyphenated name IRL. I'm still my maiden name. I just hyphenated to make DH's family happy as a token gesture, since I wasn't planning to take his name anywhere else. It still looks so ridiculous to me with the spaces AND the hyphen.
I'm not friends with L or Janet either! I'm pretty lackadaisical with Facebook. I'll get on it.
-- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09
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Hopelessly Devoted
I don't know if the check cashing attempt accusation is true, but women I don't even know relayed stories about this Todd guy that Jesi works for and who sent those texts to Bobbie yesterday.
Obviously, I have a real reason to be alarmed.
Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
Oh my goodness.
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Hopelessly Devoted
I'm not sure what I can do, but as you can see I'm taking screen shots and documenting everything. I may call Valero myself tomorrow.
Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
I would.
Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks?
Hopelessly Devoted
Hah! I told you guys I don't Facebook! I am terrible at it. I'll look into it. I just have them on email. FB is not the place for me if you want me to know something.
Our baby is 3 years old already!
Chrissy, that's crazy. That guy is obviously pond scum, since it seems the local women all have stories. Gross. Hopefully it'll all catch up with him and he'll be out of your lives and not able to cause any more trouble for your girls. If some sleaze was coming on to dd1 I just ... don't know what I would do. It would make me rethink my anti-gun policy.
Gotta admit, though, I'm giggling over "manpleaser." What is that? I mean if it's on a man? Punch him in his manpleaser? I'm thinking of all sorts of things.
Last edited by pepperlru; 03-13-2013 at 09:59 PM. Reason: idiocy
-- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09
Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks?
Hopelessly Devoted
Geez, Chrissy, that does not sound like a safe place to work. No matter what level of threats are made, do you think she could be safe there? And if she was not safe there, do you/your family think you all could handle the fall-out from the crime or the punishment? I know it can't be easy to find a stable job, but there has to be a better way.
and pepper, I need to think a little more about how to respond to your post, and DH is waiting for me to join him on the couch (I've barely seen him in days), so I wouldn't be able to put as much thought into it as I need to. I'll try to do more tomorrow. But I also tend to not spend as much effort trying to keep people in my life for the sake of family or old time's sake or sentimentality as other people, if it is troublesome to me. I can wash my hands pretty easily of people that are difficult as long as they aren't needy (that's another story), although I do tend to fight my DH's personal battles more than he does when he is more inclined to let things go. OTOH, he likes to fight hard at work when I think he should be more forgiving. It's weird.
Welcome back, Myles!
Bridget, good luck with your tooth. I hope it remains tolerable and easily fixable.
Shelley, nice to hear about the charter schools. Hopefully one will be a good one!
Our baby is 3 years old already!
Chrissy, just the fact that he is sexually harrassing his own employees is reason enough to call his corporate office, even without the theft. He's a POS and I don't begin to know what to make of his wife.
Gretchen, so sorry for your family woes. I wish I had some good advice, but having plenty of drama in my own family all I can say is this stuff seems to fester for decades. I'm sorry.
Suja, I'm so sorry.
Bridget, Yay! for the Superflex curriculum! I just knew it would be right up Kai's alley. And I do recommend the foam brain if you can get your hands on one (I think she has some for sale on her website for 5ish dollars, at least she did several years ago). Part of the concept you are teaching is that the brain is - well - flexible. And that's not really a trait I associate with garbanzo beans. At least, dried ones. And cooked ones would be icky!
Although, definitely modify the activities as needed. One of them recommended making a jello mold brain and I remember running around halloween shops looking for one, finding one that was enormous (actual brain sized), and never using it. My lessons kind of got derailed by that, actually. Don't do what I did!
I didn't even think about Savana, but honestly some of the lessons about having your brain be more flexible might be really helpful for her, too.
Mylah, my leg is doing better. Thanks for asking. The swelling is a little less and it doesn't hurt constantly like it did before. I'm not less worried, but I suppose L has convinced me it's pretty much out of my hands and I'm trying to take a step back and just realize the risk is minimal. I think I will have a revoltingly swollen leg for some time, though.
I'd share a pic, but the fact that I haven't shaven in about six months is making me want to spare me the embarrassment and you all the pain of having to see it. But it is really something!
Last edited by Gwenn; 03-13-2013 at 10:20 PM.
Me (38) DH (45) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
Here is my trailer park post for the evening:
Earlier I was watching American Idol, and DH was passing through the room and noticed that there were some smudges on the TV screen. They've been there for a while, actually, but you only notice when something is light colored and otherwise you can't see it so I'm always annoyed by it and then forget about it as soon as I'm done watching whatever it was. DH, for some reason, was feeling enterprising and went and got a damp cloth to clean off the smudges but was having a hard time seeing where they were because the colors kept shifting. So, I was pointing them out: "on his shirt collar," etc. Then the screen shifted to show Mariah Carey and, well, the smudge was right in the center of her left boob. I kept directing him, "left boob." "No, lower." "Boob."
I must say, the woman has impressively large boobs. I'm sure she purchased them, but either way, DH got a treat tonight!
Me (38) DH (45) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks?
Hopelessly Devoted
Gwenn, that right there was your opportunity to complain about a smudge you had on your own boob.
In fact, good luck tonight!
Our baby is 3 years old already!
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